Stanley, Season 3

[Stanley, Marci, Mimi, and Lester are making monkey noises in the yard, interrupting Lionel from writing his song.]

Lionel:
Stanley, what in the world are you doing?!

Stanley:
Oh, hi, Lionel. We're playing "Follow the Monkey".

Lionel:
"Follow the Monkey"?

Stanley:
Yeah! That's when you act like a monkey, and everyone else has to follow you around. Wanna play?

Lionel:
Sorry, Stanley. I'm way too busy. [grumbles]

[Lionel tries writing his song in the kitchen, but is interrupted by the kids acting like chickens.]

Lionel:
Stanley, what are you doing now?!

Stanley:
Playing "Follow the Chicken".

Lionel:
"Follow the Chicken"?

Stanley:
Yeah. That's when you act like a chicken, and everyone follows you around. Wanna play?

Lionel:
If I didn't want to play "Follow the Monkey", what makes you think I'd wanna play "Follow the Chicken"?

Lester:
'Cuz in this game, you "bawk" like a chicken.

[Lionel leaves, grumbling.]

Lester:
No, like this, Lionel! Bawk, bawk, bawk!

Mimi:
I guess he doesn't like chickens.

Dennis:
I know what I don't like. This jar.

Marci:
It's not that bad, is it?

Dennis:
It's terrible! I miss my home!

Stanley:
Mom! Mom?

Joyce:
Yes, Stanley?

Stanley:
Dennis really doesn't like being in this mayonnaise jar.

Joyce:
I know just what he needs.

Dennis:
My bowl?

Joyce:
A pickle jar.

Dennis:
What do I look like, a gherkin?

[Lionel tries writing his song in his bedroom, but is interrupted by the kids acting like elephants.]

Lionel:
Stanley, what are you doing now?

Stanley:
Playing "Follow the Elephant".

Lionel:
"Follow the Elephant"?

Stanley:
Yeah! That's when--

Lionel:
Don't tell me. It's when you pretend you're an elephant and everyone follows you around.

Stanley:
Oh! You've played it before.

Lionel:
No, I haven't played it before, and I don't wanna play now!

Stanley:
It's because you don't like elephants, right?

Lionel:
No. It's because I was busy writing a really cool song, but I keep getting interrupted by monkeys, and chickens, and elephants following each other!

Lester:
Uh, actually, the chickens don't follow the monkeys.

Stanley:
Sorry, Lionel, I didn't know.

Lionel:
Well, now you do, so keep it down! [goes back to his bedroom, slamming the door shut]

[Stanley is knocking at the door of Lionel's bedroom, joined by Dennis and the kōkako bird.]

Stanley:
Lionel, I have a surprise for you. [no answer] Lionel, I'm here to help you with your song. [the door opens and Stanley peeks in] Lionel?

Dennis:
Oh, he doesn't seem to be in.

Stanley:
Look! There's the song he was working on. Let's surprise Lionel by finishing it for him.

Dennis:
I don't know if this is such a good idea, Stanley.

Stanley:
It's not a good idea. It's a great idea! And when it's all done, I'll bet Lionel will want to play with me!

[Stanley walks over to Lionel's bed. He sets Dennis and the bird down as he picks up the paper and pencil.]

Stanley:
Okay, little kōkako. You sing a song, and I'll write down the notes.

[The kōkako suddenly snatches Lionel's song from Stanley, and takes off.]

Stanley:
Hey!

Dennis:
Well, I guess he didn't like it.

Stanley:
We have to catch him before he flies away!

Dennis:
No worries, there, Stanley. The kōkako isn't a very good flyer.

[The kōkako hurries out the door on foot.]

Dennis:
It is a very good runner, however.

Stanley:
Come on!

[Stanley picks up Dennis and goes after the kōkako, but is stopped when Lionel shows up with a sandwich.]

Stanley:
WAAH!

Lionel:
[angry] What are you doing in my room, Stanley?

Stanley:
[nervously] Um, I... Uh... I... Nice sandwich.

Lionel:
Thanks. It's good brain food to help me finish my... song!

[Lionel has noticed his song wasn't on his bed.]

Lionel:
[angry] Stanley, where's my song?

Stanley:
The kōkako has it?

Lionel:
The what-ako?

Stanley:
The kōkako. It's a musical bird that I brought over to help you write your song.

Lionel:
[smug] Right...

Stanley:
Yeah, to help you write.

Lionel:
[annoyed] No. Not "write" as in, "put words on paper". "Right...", as in a sarcastic response meaning, "Hey, I don't really believe you!"

Stanley:
But it's the truth!

Lionel:
[threateningly] Stanley. Get. My song.

Stanley:
Right. I mean, okay.

[Stanley is trying to pull Lionel's song away from the kōkako.]

Stanley:
Give it back! It's my brother's song! He needs it!

[Stanley keeps tugging on the paper, until it rips in half, leaving Stanley with only one half of the song, while the kōkako leaves with the other half.]

Dennis:
Oh, no!

Stanley:
Well, half a song is better with no song, isn't it?

[Lionel is looking for Stanley in his room. He opens his closet and looks in it.]

Lionel:
There's no use in hiding, Stanley. Give me back my song.

[Stanley jumps out of the book with the torn half of Lionel's song. He approaches Lionel.]

Stanley:
Hi, Lionel.

[Lionel gets startled, and jumps in the closet.]

Lionel:
AAAH!

Stanley:
[chuckles]

Lionel:
Where did you come from?

Stanley:
I was just getting your song back.

Lionel:
Well, where is it?

[Stanley nervously presents the torn half of the song to Lionel.]

Stanley:
Well... Here.

[Lionel grabs the half from Stanley. He is horrified.]

Lionel:
My song! Where's the other half?!

Stanley:
I just wanted to help you.

Lionel:
Why do you have to always mess everything up?!

Stanley:
It wasn't me! It was the bird-- The book-- The kōkako!

Lionel:
[fed up] That's it.

[Lionel grabs Stanley's book.]

Stanley:
What are you doing?!

[Lionel heads to Stanley's door.]

Lionel:
I've had enough of you, and your silly animals, and your silly book.

[Lionel leaves Stanley's room, and makes his way back to his room.]

Stanley:
Hey, come back with my book!

[Stanley chases after Lionel.]

Stanley:
Lionel! Give it back!

Lionel:
No way! I've got a lot of work to do, and I don't need you acting like an aardvark, or a guinea pig, or some goofy bird to mess it up! [slams the door shut]

Stanley:
Lionel, give me my book! [yelling furiously] I WANT MY BOOK!!! MOM!!! DAD!!!

Lionel:
Aw, man. I'm never gonna write the rest of this song. I really wish I could go. I can't write a song here. I can't do anything here. If I lived someplace nice and quiet, I could write a song. I could write a million songs. But, no. I have to live here with my pain-in-the-neck brother.

[As soon as Lionel sits down in his chair, the book opens. Lionel sees a picture of the Arctic circle in the book.]

Lionel:
[astonished] Whoa! Look at that! Now that looks like a perfect place to write a song. No noise, no bothers, and no brothers. I wish I lived someplace like that.

[Right on cue, a swirling vortex opens in the book, and Lionel falls in.]

Lionel:
WHOOOOAAAAA!

[Lionel pops out of a snowy hill, dressed in a parka. He has been teleported to the Arctic.]

Lionel:
Where am I? STANLEY!!!

[Stanley approaches his parents, who are in the kitchen, sitting at the table.]

Mark:
Something wrong, Stanley?

Stanley:
Lionel took my book!

Mark:
Well, just go and ask for it back.

Stanley:
He won't give it back! He says he's busy, and I keep annoying him with animals!

Joyce:
Why don't you go talking to him about it?

Stanley:
He won't listen me! He doesn't even like me!

Joyce:
Stanley, you know your bother loves you.

Stanley:
No, he doesn't. He doesn't even like being around me. He says I bother him all the time and I always mess things up. Even when I'm trying to help him.

Mark:
Stanley...

Stanley:
It's true, Dad! He doesn't like animals and he doesn't like me!

Joyce:
Listen, Stanley. Brothers argue sometimes, but it doesn't mean they don't like each other, does it?

Stanley:
Yes! Maybe. I don't know.

Joyce:
Doesn't Lionel do things that annoy you sometimes?

Stanley:
Yeah! Like when he takes my book.

Joyce:
But that doesn't mean you don't like him anymore, does it?

Stanley:
Yeah! ...Well, no.

Joyce:
And just because Lionel's annoyed at you, doesn't mean he doesn't like you.

Stanley:
I guess.

Mark:
Why don't you head back upstairs and try talking to Lionel? I'm sure you two will be able to work it out.

[Stanley knocks at Lionel's door and peeks into his room. Lionel's chair has been turned over, and Stanley's open book lying on the floor, next to it.]

Stanley:
Lionel? Lionel? Lionel! Are you here? [goes into Lionel's room and spots his book] Hey, my book! I'm taking my book back, Lionel! [no answer] That's weird.

[Stanley props Lionel's chair back up and looks into his book.]

Stanley:
What's that? [he sees a picture of Lionel's headphones in the snow] Those are Lionel's headphones. What are Lionel's headphones doing in--[horrified] Oh, no! Lionel fell into the Great Big Book of Everything!

Stanley:
What happened out there, guys?!

Harry:
It wasn't my fault, dude!

Elsie:
Well, it wasn't my fault!

Harry:
Yes, it was!

Elsie:
No, it wasn't!

Harry:
It was you!

Elsie:
It wasn't me, it was you!

Stanley:
Guys, we don't have much time! Just tell me what happened.

Elsie:
Stanley...

Harry and Elsie:
We broke the Great Big Book of Everything.

[Harry and Elsie start crying.]

Stanley:
[shocked] What?

Harry:
All the pages in the book fell out and got all mixed up!

Dennis:
[last lines] It's been said before, but I'll say it again: there's no place like home.