Stargate Atlantis, Season 1

Gen. O'Neill:
This isn't a long flight, so I'll be as succinct as possible.

[There is a beat...Sheppard looks sideways at O'Neill]

Maj. Sheppard:
That's pretty succinct.

Gen. O'Neill:
Thank you.

Gen. O'Neill:
Let me ask you something. [realizes that Sheppard has put on his headset, and therefore cannot hear him; he does the same] Why'd you become a pilot?

Maj. Sheppard:
I think people who don't want to fly are crazy.

Gen. O'Neill:
Well, I think people who don't want to go through the Stargate are equally as whacked. If you can't give me a yes before we reach McMurdo, I don't even want you.

Dr. McKay:
...And we'll need the Zed-P-M.

Gen. O'Neill:
What?

Dr. Jackson:
The ZPM. He's...he's Canadian.

Gen. O'Neill:
(at McKay) I'm sorry.

Dr. McKay:
The Zero Point Module, General. The ancient power source you recovered from Proclarush Taonas and that's now powering the outpost defenses. I've since determined it generates its enormous power from vacuum energy derived from a self-contained region of subspace time.

Gen. O'Neill:
That was a waste of a perfectly good explanation.

[John confronts Carson about the weapon that nearly shot him and Jack O'Neill out of the sky on their way to the Antarctic outpost]

Maj. John Sheppard:
What the heck was that thing anyway?

Dr. Carson Beckett:
You mean the drone? The weapon the Ancients built to defend this outpost.

Maj. Sheppard:
[clueless] The who?

Dr. Beckett:
[glaring at John suspiciously] You do have security clearance to be down here?

Maj. Sheppard:
Yeah, General O'Neill just gave it to me.

Dr. Beckett:
So you don't even know about the Stargate?

Maj. Sheppard:
[confused] The what?

[After Simon has watched a video diary that Weir had sent to him, explaining the whole thing to him, including that she is in another galaxy]

Simon:
[picks up the phone and dials a number]

Recorded Voice:
The number you have dialed is out of currently outside of the coverage area-

Simon:
[hangs up] No kidding.

[O'Neill and Jackson watch the Atlantis team depart]

Dr. Jackson:
Jack, it's not too late for me to-

Gen. O'Neill:
No.

Dr. Jackson:
I-I-I could just grab my-

Gen. O'Neill:
No.

Dr. Jackson:
[quietly] -kay...

[McKay has begun dialing an address]

Dr. McKay:
Chevron one encoded.

Dr. Weir:
Rodney.

Dr. McKay:
Hmm? [realizes] Fine. [dials the rest of the address]

Halling:
[points to self] Halling.

Maj. Sheppard:
I don't know what that means.

Col. Sumner:
It's his name.

Teyla:
We do not trade with strangers.

Col. Sumner:
Is that a fact?

Maj. Sheppard:
Well, we'll just have to get to know each other a little better. I like Ferris wheels, college football, and anything that goes more than 200 miles an hour.

Lt. Ford:
Sir, that's not going to mean anything to them.

Maj. Sheppard:
I'm just trying to break the ice here, feel free to jump in at any time.

[The Atlantis team has just finished coming through the Stargate, and Dr. Weir has reported the establishment of Atlantis base to the SGC. Just before the gate shuts down, a bottle comes rolling through]

[Weir picks up the bottle, which is a magnum of Dom Perignon. There is a note attached, which reads "Bon Voyage! -Gen. Jack O'Neill"]

Boy:
[To Maj. Sheppard] What planet do you came from? Can we go there?.

Maj. Sheppard:
I'm afraid not. We come from a galaxy far, far away.

Jinto:
[To Dr. Weir] I am Jinto.

Maj. Sheppard:
She's pleased to meet you.

Dr. McKay:
The last Zero Point Module is depleted, but limited power. Turned out that our generators aren't going to hold back an ocean. Life support systems are working but the planet's atmosphere's breathable -- well, notwithstanding the inevitable allergens.

Dr. Weir:
So now can our naqahdah generators supply enough power to the shield for defensive purposes?

Dr. McKay:
Not even close.

Maj. Sheppard:
On the surface without a shield? We're target practice.

Dr. McKay:
I'm acutely aware of that, Major, but thank you for reinforcing it.

Lt. Ford:
Gateship One, ready to go.

Maj. Sheppard:
Gateship One? A little Puddle Jumper like this?

Lt. Ford:
It's a ship, it goes through a gate. Gateship One!

Maj. Sheppard:
Oh, no, no, no, that's all wrong.

Lt. Ford:
Dr. McKay thought it was cool.

Maj. Sheppard:
Oh, okay, well, it's official... You don't get to name anything. Ever. [into radio] Flight, this is... Puddle Jumper!

Dr. McKay:
This is Flight, I thought we were going with Gateship? [Weir gives him a stern, questioning look]

Maj. Sheppard:
Negative, Flight.

Dr. McKay:
Stand by. [to Weir] It's a ship, it goes through the gate. I thought... Fine. Puddle Jumper, you are clear to go.

Maj. Sheppard:
Roger that. Dial it up, lieutenant.

[In the puddle jumper, a heads-up display appears out of nowhere.]

Lt. Ford:
Did you do that?

Maj. Sheppard:
I-I was just wondering where we go from here.

Lt. Ford:
I'll take that as a yes. So how do we find them once we land?

Maj. Sheppard:
Well, I've been thinking about that, too.

[A nearby compartment opens up and dispenses a life signs detector. Sheppard tucks it into his vest.]

Maj. Sheppard:
Now I'm thinking about a nice turkey sandwich.

[Ford and Sheppard look around expectantly. Nothing happens. Ford shrugs.]

Lt. Ford:
Worth a try.

Lt. Ford:
[Smiling] So, we got ourselves a life-signs detector.

Maj. Sheppard:
[looks aggravated] We can name it later.

Col. Sumner:
Go to hell.

Queen Wraith:
Earth first!

[Sheppard shoots Wraith in the hand, but they capture him]

Maj. Sheppard:
How's the hand?

Wraith:
[Hand heals] Much better.

Maj. Sheppard:
Sorry to hear that.

[After they have arrived home on Atlantis]

Maj. Sheppard:
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Atlantis. Please remain seated until the Puddle-Jumper has come to a full and complete stop.

[about John and Teyla's exchange]

Dr. Beckett:
[wistfully] How come I never make friends like that?

Dr. McKay:
You really need to get out more.

Dr. Beckett:
We're in another galaxy. How much more out can you get?

Dr. McKay:
[suddenly looking suspiciously at his kebab] Is there lemon in this?! [He hurries off to find out]

[After Weir reminds Sheppard of his status as Atlantis' military leader]

John Sheppard:
You do realize that could get us into all sorts of trouble, right?

[Beckett is explaining that his innoculation uses a mouse retrovirus]

Dr. McKay:
Well, are there any side-effects?

Dr. Beckett:
Dry mouth, headache, the irresistible urge to run on a small wheel...

[Weir interrupts McKay and Sheppard "testing" an Ancient shield]

Dr. Weir:
I'm still trying to understand how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony.

Dr. McKay:
Oh, believe me, that's not the first thing we tried.

Maj. Sheppard:
[proudly] I shot him. [Dr. Weir gives him a stern look] In the leg!

Dr. McKay:
I'm invulnerable!

Dr. Weir:
Aren't you the one who's always spouting off about how proper and careful scientific procedure must be adhered to?

Dr. McKay:
[sing-song] IN - VUL - NER - ABLE!

Dr. Weir:
Ok, take it off

Dr. McKay:
Oh, you're just jealous.

Dr. Weir:
Oh yes. Green with envy.

Dr. Weir:
I wouldn't have thought you believed in ghosts.

Dr. McKay:
I never used to, then I learned about things called Wraiths that can suck the life out of you with their hands. [raises hand, gestures demonstratively] What the hell is that?

Dr. Beckett:
He fainted.

Dr. McKay:
Oh, there's got to be a better word.

Dr. Beckett:
"Faint" is the proper medical term.

Dr. McKay:
[defensively] I passed out from... manly hunger.

Maj. Sheppard:
Well, hang in there. [over radio] Dr. Weir, this is Sheppard. McKay's okay. [smirks] He, uh, he fainted.

[Beckett grins]

Dr. McKay:
Oh yeah, that's very sympathetic. Let's all mock the dying man!

[about the transporter]

Maj. Sheppard:
Apparently it's also an elevator.

Dr. McKay:
Really?

Dr. Weir:
We can stop taking the stairs everywhere.

Dr. McKay:
[sarcastically] Oh, how nice for you all.

[about the entity]

Maj. Sheppard:
It's coming. I think we're gonna need a bigger boat.

Dr. McKay:
Size doesn't matter.

Maj. Sheppard:
That's a myth.

Dr. McKay:
It'll fit. It traps the entity in subspace. You just just have to make sure it gets all the way in the containment vessel before you shut it off.

Lt. Ford:
Why'd you close the door?

Dr. McKay:
So that when the Stargate shuts down and the forward section is severed, we're not directly exposed to space.

Lt. Ford:
Will it hold?

Dr. McKay:
Like a screen door on a submarine. I just prefer hypoxia to explosive decompression. It's a personal thing.

[about the Jumper]

Dr. Weir:
Is there anything I can do to help?

Dr. Zelenka:
Stop talking, please.

Dr. McKay:
Oh, I apologize for being the only person who truly comprehends how screwed we are!

Maj. Sheppard:
Don't talk to me about screwed! And let's not give up on Markham and Stackhouse either. There's plenty of time to solve this thing, but you've got to stop using your mouth and start using your brain!

Dr. McKay:
I'm sorry. It's just, um, I react to certain doom a certain way.

Dr. Kavanagh:
I happily left the SGC. because I had had it up to here with the military running things; and you just busted me like a private.

Dr. Weir:
Don't be so dramatic. Besides, the Air Force doesn't have privates.

Dr. Kavanagh:
Neither do I. You just cut them off. Right in front of my research team.

Dr. Weir:
That's what this is about? You're embarrassed?

Dr. Kavanagh:
Well, humiliated would be a little more accurate.

Dr. Weir:
I haven't worked up to humiliation yet.

[Rodney has one foot on the conference room table and is massaging it through his sock]

Maj. Sheppard:
[Looking on in distaste] Could you please not do that here?

Dr. McKay:
My foot is still numb, if you'll excuse me.

Maj. Sheppard:
Well at least your mouth still works fine.

Dr. McKay:
How could I possibly know that? What am I, Answer Man?

Dr. McKay:
There's a command subroutine I've never seen before.

Dr. Zelenka:
What is its function?

Dr. McKay:
[exasperated] I don't know, because I've never seen it before!

Steve" the Wraith:
When I am free, you will be the first that I feed upon.

Maj. Sheppard:
[casually] Okie dokie. I'm gonna go make myself a sandwich.

[the sensors have discovered a powerful energy field]

Maj. Sheppard:
You think it's worth checking out?

Dr. McKay:
Any significant energy emission generally indicates technological civilization.

Maj. Sheppard:
So... you think it's worth checking out?

Dr. McKay:
[sarcastically] I'm sorry. Yes. Energy field good.

[the ship begins to shake violently]

Dr. McKay:
[seriously] Okay, maybe not.

Dr. McKay:
What are we going to tell them, Teyla? "Listen, kiddies, everything you believe is wrong, and trust us because we've been here for-" [checks watch] "-almost an hour!"

Dr. McKay:
Let's play a quiet game. Let's see who can be quiet the longest.

Casta:
I'm not a quiet person.

Dr. McKay:
That's not quiet. That's talking.

Casta:
Well, I'm not a quiet person. I talk a lot.

Casta:
You're mean!

Dr. McKay:
Thank you for finally noticing. [gets mad and starts to shake Casta] Oh, you wanna go? You wanna go do you?!

Ford:
Okay [picks up Casta] You have a real gift with the kids. You do birthday parties?

Dr. Weir:
Rodney! We can't just visit planets, take away their defenses, uproot their cultures and bring 'em all back here to Atlantis!

Dr. McKay:
If they have a ZPM, yes we can.

Dr. Weir:
Oh my God! How morally superior you must feel!

Dr. McKay:
No, no, no, no, he just doesn't like going through the Stargate.

Maj. Sheppard:
He's worse than Dr. McCoy.

Teyla:
Who?

Maj. Sheppard:
The TV character that Dr. Beckett plays in real life.

Maj. Sheppard:
You know we've been having these conversations for a couple of weeks now and I don't even know your name. You guys do have names right? Let me guess....Steve?

Steve the Wraith:
I am your death. That is all you need to know.

Maj. Sheppard:
I prefer Steve

Dr. McKay:
C'mon, how often do you get to travel to an alien planet?

Dr. Beckett:
I was already on an alien planet!

Dr. Weir:
You do understand the Geneva Convention prohibits using prisoners for scientific experiments?

Maj. Sheppard:
No offense, doc, but had the Wraith attended the Geneva Convention, they would have tried to feed on everyone there.

[ "Steve" the Wraith is on the jumper on his way to Hoff. He is smiling.]

Lt. Ford:
[to Steve] Hey man, this isn't supposed to be fun.

Dr. Beckett:
"Victory at all costs." That sound familiar, Major?

Maj. Sheppard:
Churchill.

Dr. Beckett:
Aye. Never thought I'd disagree.

Dr. McKay:
You know, if people could just learn to keep their secret underground bunkers locked…

Maj. Sheppard:
Look, what you people do with your C4 is none of our business. We just need food. As far as your little secret down here goes…well, uh…

Dr. McKay:
We say, "What giant underground bunker?"

Dr. McKay:
You do realise that long term exposure to these levels of radiation is extremely dangerous?

Cowen:
Our scientists tell me otherwise.

Dr. McKay:
Well, they're wrong.

Maj. Sheppard:
[nervously] Are we in danger now?

Dr. McKay:
Oh, it would take days or weeks at these levels of radiation -- but I assume the Genii spend days or weeks down here?

Cowen:
Many of our people have spent their entire lives here.

Dr. McKay:
Their entire short lives. [To John] We'll be fine - just as long as you weren't planning on having children.

Maj. Sheppard:
You can build an A-bomb?

Dr. McKay:
Major, most of my highschool chess team could design an A-bomb.

Dr. McKay:
I built an atomic bomb for my grade six Science Fair exhibit.

Lt. Ford:
They let you do that up in Canada?

Dr. McKay:
Yeah, then I was questioned by the CIA for six hours.

Maj. Sheppard:
But we have something they need and they have something we need, and I thought that's what negotiating was all about.

Dr. Weir:
Oh, well, it is. Personally, I stop short of offering nuclear weapons.

Lt. Ford:
They were building 'em anyways.

Dr. Weir:
Oh, well if they were building them anyway, why didn't you just say so. You do realise that I originally sent you out for food?

Maj. Sheppard:
I think we can still get that.

Lt Ford:
I don't see why not.

Lt. Ford:
I've never seen so much nothing.

Maj. Sheppard:
And I've never walked so far to see it.

Maj. Sheppard:
How much power are we talking about here?

Dr. McKay:
In terms of joules or ergs?

Maj. Sheppard:
In terms of lots.

Dr. McKay:
Well, lots and lots. Enough to dial back to Earth.

[Sheppard has figured out that his welcome-home party is just a figment of his imagination]

Maj. Sheppard:
You guys have been dead for years. Now, don't get me wrong, it's really nice seeing you. [points to a middle-aged woman] You too, Miss Watson.

Lt. Ford:
Sir-

Maj. Sheppard:
[to Ford] She was my sixth grade teacher. [points to a young blonde] And I don't even remember your name, but I remember you wouldn't even date me!

Dr. McKay:
It's like looking through a microscope at a cell culture and seeing a thousand dancing hamsters. It's impossible!

Dr. Weir:
Rodney, you need to calm down.

Dr. McKay:
No, no, what I need to do now is get very agitated because what I'm realizing is all this is a lie!

Dr. McKay:
So none of this is real? [Truth dawns] The cute brunette, of course! I should have known! How do you go from, "You're a pig, but I like your cat," to "I missed you"?

Maj. Sheppard:
The dead people were a dead giveaway.

Dr. McKay:
Dead people? What were you doing?!

Lt. Ford:
How could something as big as Atlantis just sink?

Maj. Sheppard:
I'm sure the passengers on the Titanic were asking themselves the same question.

[The science team is trying to come up with a solution to a problem while being very short on time]

Dr. McKay:
You're right. If only we had a magical tool that could slow down time. I foolishly left mine on Earth - did you bring yours?

Dr. Zelenka:
You know, you're not pleasant when you're like this, McKay.

Dr. McKay:
I'm always like this.

Dr. Zelenka:
My point exactly.

Dr. Weir:
The city can handle that?

Dr. McKay:
Yes. Theoretically.

Maj. Sheppard:
Like "dinosaurs turned into birds" theoretically or "theory of relativity" theoretically?

Dr. McKay:
[looks confused, since there is no "hierarchy" of theories] What? Um, somewhere between.

Maj. Sheppard:
McKay will come up with something.

Dr. McKay:
I will try, but despite what you all may think, I am not Superman.

[Sheppard looks around]

Maj. Sheppard:
Was anyone seriously thinking that?

[Weir, Teyla and the other scientist shake their heads 'No']

Lt. Ford:
No sir.

Dr. Zelenka:
Never.

Maj. Sheppard:
Wait a second, are these things even close to a transporter?

Dr. McKay:
Uh... yes. Elizabeth's is.

Maj. Sheppard:
And mine?

Dr. McKay:
It's a brisk walk away.

Maj. Sheppard:
And by "brisk" you mean "far"?

Dr. McKay:
[nods] And by "walk" I mean "run".

Soldier:
Bacon.

Other Soldier:
The one thing you wish you brought with you is bacon.

Soldier:
Hey, it's the food that makes other food worth eating

Other Soldier:
You wish you brought bacon to another galaxy?

Dr. Weir:
Well, find another problem with it! I-tell him that the power-loop interface isn't jiving with your walkabout! Something!

Dr. McKay:
[incredulous] "Isn't jiving?!"

Dr. Weir:
Rodney, you get my point.

Commander Kolya:
You said this would work.

Dr. McKay:
I don't know if you noticed or not but I'm an extremely arrogant man who tends to think all of his plans will work! [Kolya punches him]

Dr. Beckett:
The dots don't tell us much about who's who. How do we know which one's the Major?

Lt. Ford:
He'll be the dot getting rid of all the other dots.

Lt. Ford:
Anything I see moving is gonna get shot.

Dr. Beckett:
[concerned] So what if it's the Major?

Lt. Ford:
Then he'll get hit with a Wraith Stunner instead of a P-90.

Dr. Beckett:
What if he sees us first?

Lt. Ford:
He'll probably hear you first.

Dr. Beckett:
Are you telling me to shut up again?

Lt. Ford:
Again.

Dr. Weir:
Nice work, Rodney.

Dr. McKay:
Did you ever doubt me?

Dr. Weir:
Yes. Several times.

Maj. Sheppard:
Try to fly this baby in a straight line.

Dr. McKay:
I am flying in a straight line.

[HUD comes up, showing that the jumper is zig-zagging]

Maj. Sheppard:
Not so much.

Dr. McKay:
Well, in space, all motion is relative.

Maj. Sheppard:
He's aboard my ship.

Dr. McKay:
What are you, Captain Kirk?! What good's it gonna do him?

Maj. Sheppard:
I don't know, maybe he can hot-wire the thing.

Maj. Sheppard:
If we're going to play the waiting game, the guy who's been around for ten thousand years is gonna win!

Maj. Sheppard:
You need me to get off this planet! I'm the only one that can fly that ship!

Wraith:
I will use your dead hands to operate its controls!

Maj. Sheppard:
[into radio] Hey, you. Over here. On the ground: the radio.

[The Wraith turns to spot the radio lying next to him on the ground]

Wraith:
[speaking aloud] The days on this planet are long, but the nights are cold. Sooner or later, I will have you.

Maj. Sheppard:
I can't hear you threatening to suck the life out of me 'til you hit the button on the radio.

[After Aiden has managed to fail all his prime number guesses]

Dr. Zelenka:
Lt. Ford, would you mind being the subject of research papers on statistical improbabilities?

Lt. Ford:
Is this some sort of payback for guys like me beating up guys like you in high school?

[during combat training]

Teyla:
You have not been practicing.

Maj. Sheppard:
Yes I have.

Teyla:
If this was really a fight -

Maj. Sheppard:
If this was really a fight, I would have shot you by now.

Dr. Beckett:
Just try to stay calm.

Lt. Ford:
Calm?! You told me I have a million tiny robots running through my veins whose only purpose is to terrorize and kill me. You stay calm!

[Major Sheppard is on his way in a Puddle Jumper to drop a naquadah generator converted into a bomb]

Dr. McKay:
You'll only have 30 seconds to release it before it explodes, you need to get as far away as you can.

Maj. Sheppard:
Get as far away from the nuclear explosion as possible. That's good advice, Rodney. Thanks.

[after Chaya delivers the message that Athar cannot help Atlantis]

Dr. McKay:
Well, I think we both knew what you were going to say long before you even went in there.

Chaya:
[unhappy] We prayed for Athar's guidance.

Dr. McKay:
And what did Athar say? You're hiding behind your religion to justify your complete and utter selfishness.

Maj. Sheppard:
Rodney -

Dr. McKay:
If Athar existed she would be ashamed of herself.

Chaya:
What my people value most is spiritual knowledge. What can your culture provide in that regard?

Dr. Weir:
Earth's people don't share a single Spiritual belief - we embrace a number of different religions and philosophies: Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam -

Maj. Sheppard:
Hinduism ... Kwanzaa.

Dr. McKay:
All I know is she's not who she's pretending to be.

Dr. Weir:
You know this because…?

Dr. McKay:
What, I'm not allowed to have intuition?

Dr. Weir:
You? No.

Dr. McKay:
Oh.

Dr. McKay:
Word of caution? The whole "Captain Kirk" routine is problematic to say the least, let alone morally dubious.

Maj. Sheppard:
What routine?

Dr. McKay:
The romancing of the alien priestess? It's very 1967 of you.

Dr. McKay:
According to the database, she's been in there for ten thousand years.

Dr. Weir:
Ten thousand years?!

Maj. Sheppard:
Doesn't look a day over nine thousand.

[Beckett is told to rouse his (very) elderly patient]

Dr. Beckett:
Ten thousand years… d'you expect her to dance a bloody jig?

Lt. Ford:
Is time-travel possible?

Dr. McKay:
Well, according to Einstein's General Theory of Relativity, there's nothing in the laws of physics to prevent it. Extremely difficult to achieve, mind you - you need the technology to manipulate black holes to create wormholes not only through points in space, but time.

Maj. Sheppard:
Not to mention a really nice De Lorean.

Dr. McKay:
Don't even get me started on that movie!

Maj. Sheppard:
I liked that movie!

Dr. McKay:
The Puddle Jumper they escaped in must have been some sort of a time machine. It had to have an additional component built into it.

Maj. Sheppard:
Flux capacitor!

Dr. McKay:
...Yeah.

Dr. McKay:
I died?!

Alternate Weir:
You never gave up trying, right until the end.

Dr. McKay:
[shocked] Well, a man wonders how he would choose to go out, given such dire circumstances. Now I know.

Alternate Weir:
Trying to save the lives of others.

Maj. Sheppard:
[smug] But ultimately failing!

[upon learning that Alternate John died]

Dr. McKay:
[smugly grinning] Ha! Ah, the bitter taste of ultimate failure, hmm?

Maj. Sheppard:
Well, if you'd just figured out how to fix the damn shield in the first place, none of us would have died.

[Alternate Weir smiles at their bickering]

Dr. McKay:
I did everything I could, including valiantly attempting to save your sorry-

Dr. Weir:
Gentlemen, focus.

Technician:
[drinking coffee] I don't know what happened, it just stopped working. I got some little functionality back, it's still isn't doing everything it used to.

Dr. Zelenka:
Yes, well, maybe if people stop insisting on having food and liquid in such close proximity to the TEN THOUSAND YEAR OLD EQUIPMENT!

Technician:
Hey! We're very careful! We're not the problem here!

Dr. Zelenka:
[sarcastically] Ah, yes. Uh-huh!

[while Zelenka isn't looking, the technician touches the laptop, causing the Ancient screen to flash]

Dr. Zelenka:
What did you touch?

Technician:
Nothing! I didn't touch anything.

Dr. Zelenka:
Ježiši, já s těma hercema nemůžu dělat! (meaning "Jesus, I can't work with these actors" in Czech)

Dr. McKay:
Suddenly I feel so tired.

Allina:
You're a scientist. Are you not used to this by now?

Dr. McKay:
Ah, but my kind of science is the good kind of science. The kind you can do sitting on a chair or ... laying on a couch.

Allina:
It's a layout of the Sudarian villages. The walls of this monastery have protected it for ten thousand years.

Dr. McKay:
It's beautiful.

Allina:
It is. [looks at him] And yet my eye is drawn elsewhere.

[Clueless and not getting the hint, Rodney looks around to see what she is referring to.]

Dr. McKay:
Elsewhere?

Dr. McKay:
[to John, Aiden and Teyla] I'm heading to bed.

Maj. Sheppard:
Ah, which bed might that be?

Rodney:
Huh, what?

Lt. Ford:
Think Allina might have a little crush on you, Doc.

Dr. McKay:
She does?

Teyla:
It is very clear to us all.

Dr. McKay:
It is?

Maj. Sheppard:
To everyone but you, apparently.

Dr. Beckett:
I can barely make it to the main land and back without crashing. For the last time, I'm a medical doctor, not a bloody fighter pilot!

[Reference to Star Trek 's Dr. McCoy and his line "I'm a doctor, not a..."]

Dr. McKay:
Look, someone get me a knife. [Genii just stand there] You all have guns, someone get me a knife.

[Weir has just briefed Atlantis' scientists about the approaching Wraith fleet]

Dr. Weir:
So, recommendations?

Dr. Beckett:
Other than panic?

Dr. Weir:
Other than panic, yes.

[Ford is recording video messages of each expedition member to send home]

Dr. Beckett:
What shall I say?

Lt. Ford:
Uh…uh…"I miss you"? "I wish you were here"?

Dr. Beckett:
I wish who was here?

Lt. Ford:
I don't know. Who do you wish was here?

Dr. Beckett:
Nobody! I wish I wasn't bloody here!

[Zelenka gives, in Czech, a poetic description of the rising of Atlantis]

Lt. Ford:
You didn't say anything that would require security clearance, did you?

Dr. Zelenka:
Security clearance?

[Rodney's recording]

Dr. McKay:
[adjusts hair] Right. And in five, four, three-

[he stops speaking and holds up two fingers to signify the "two" count, then folds his arms and looks serious.]

Dr. McKay:
[dramatically] This is Doctor Rodney McKay speaking to you from my base of operations in the lost city of Atlantis, located deep within the Pegasus galaxy. I record this message on the eve of our darkest hour. As I speak, an alien armada of biblical proportions is on its way, bent - dare I say hellbent, in keeping with the metaphor - on our destruction. We will do our best to stave off their attack but I am afraid that defeat is all but inevitable. I, and the other members of my team, face the most horrific deaths imaginable, as our very lives are sucked from our chests in a, in a, horrific - Okay, uh, start again. Start again.

Dr Beckett:
I ran every test I could on all of you from the get-go. Physiologically, you and your people are the same as we are. I have no explanation for any of your special super-powers.

Teyla I only have one power.

Dr Beckett:
I've seen you fight, my dear.

Maj. Sheppard You're saying Teyla is part Wraith?

Dr Beckett:
A very small part.

Dr Weir:
Which makes her about as different from us as you, because of the Ancient gene you possess.

Dr McKay:
Well, and some other things.

Dr McKay:
So you think this Wraith scientist was trying to make humans what, more tasty?

Dr Weir:
The log seems to indicate that he was looking for a way to make the feeding process more efficient.

Dr McKay:
But I thought you said they already had a number of genetic characteristics similar to humans.

Dr Beckett:
They do. But they're still much closer to the bug creature that attacked Major Sheppard than to us.

Maj. Sheppard:
Hey! I thought we weren't going to mention that anymore.

Dr Weir:
Your theory of the Wraith evolving after the Ancients arrived in Pegasus galaxy -

Dr McKay:
[in disbelief] Oh, you're kidding me!

Zelenka:
Pay up.

Dr McKay:
I got a little... [referring to energy spike]

Lt Ford:
[jokingly] A little what? McKay! You got a little what? [Sheppard looks at Ford disapprovingly] What? Oh, it's okay when you guys make fun of me then, huh?

[Weir is explaining to Teyla is told that she can read Wraith minds]

Weir:
You didn't know you COULD read Wraith minds...and frankly, who would want to?

[The Atlantis team is discussing staying and fighting the Wraith]

Dr Kavanaugh:
We can't possibly consider staying and fighting!

Maj. Sheppard:
I disagree! I think it's entirely within the realm of possibility.

Dr Kavanaugh:
[as if speaking to a very young child] There are tens of thousands of life-sucking aliens in highly advanced spaceships on their way here to destroy us!

[Zelenka is arguing that it should be him to go to the Ancient satellite, not McKay]

Dr. McKay:
There's not going to be a problem.

Dr. Zelenka:
You don't know that.

Dr. McKay:
If it seems like we can't fix it, we'll just turn around and go back! Now, I realize I am invaluable everywhere-

Dr. Zelenka:
[annoyed] You know what? Forget it. I take it back!

Dr. McKay:
Sorry, nope. You can't take it back because you've just admitted that I'm smarter than you!

Dr. Zelenka:
I admitted no such thing!

Dr. McKay:
I know it's hard to say, but the truth shone through when you prepared to speak.

Dr. Zelenka:
[through gritted teeth] You are a miserable little man.

Dr. McKay:
Hey, hey, let's not ruin the moment.

Maj. Sheppard:
You know that for a fact, Sergeant, or is your spidey sense just tingling?

[In the Ancient satellite]

Dr. Grodin:
I've found the switch to initialize the gravity

Dr. McKay:
Okay just give me a sec- [gravity comes on, causing McKay to fall several meters onto the floor] Oh yep, yeah, thats permenant back damage [through gritted teeth]

[Examining possible planets for evacuation]

Maj. Sheppard:
What about M1K-439?

Lt. Ford:
Which one's that?

Maj. Sheppard:
The one with all the waterfalls

Lt. Ford:
See, why can't we just call it 'Planet Waterfall'? [Sheppard gives him "the look"] What? I say we should just give them names.

Dr. McKay:
I'm not sure I can fix this.

Dr. Grodin:
You can fix anything.

Dr. McKay:
Who told you that?

Dr. Grodin:
You did. On several occasions.

Bob" the Wraith:
I will tell you this: no matter where you flee, we will find you. Just as surely as we will find Earth. And when we do, we shall feast!

Dr. Zelenka:
Yes, well, that would certainly help - but I'm more concerned about the Ancient database - its ability to back up data. It's incredibly redundant.

Dr. Weir:
'Incredibly redundant'.

Dr. Zelenka:
Yeah, that one never gets old. But seriously...

[The Atlantis base has just activated a self-destruct, only to have several personnel from Stargate Command arrive to help them]

Col. Everett:
Good! Now does somebody want to please turn off that self-destruct?

[The Wraith have used asteroids to detonate several mines prematurely.]

Dr. McKay:
Your mines make one hell of a bang, Colonel, I'm sure the Wraith's ears are ringing.

Dr. McKay:
Look, you show up here with your guns and your brush cuts, but when it comes to actually saving the city, you turn to the scientists. And every time, what you ask is impossible.

Col. Everett:
When was the last time you slept, Doctor?

Dr. McKay:
D-d-d-d…shut up, I have an idea

Lt. Ford:
How about next time you can be the bait?

Maj. Sheppard:
Yeah, next time. Maybe...

[Dr. McKay is trying to get a reluctant Dr. Beckett to sit in the Ancient chair]

Dr. McKay:
It's out of drones; you couldn't do any damage if you wanted to, now SIT DOWN.

Dr. Weir:
[lighting a candle] Teyla told the Athosian children that lighting a candle would help protect them.

Dr. McKay:
And you're doing it because...

Dr. Weir:
[beat] It's gonna get dark in here.

Dr. McKay:
Hmm. [turns on his flashlight]