Wizards of Waverly Place, Season 4

Alex:
[on Mason's back and jumps off] Whew, we're back. Hm, long walk!

Mason:
[breathing heavily] Yep! For some of us it was!

Alex:
Excuse me! My arms are tired from hanging on and trying to steer. Your ears are really tiny but really cute. [smiles]

Mason:
[smiles and rubs his ear]

Justin:
While we were stuck in that government facility I was afraid I would never see Waverly Place again. I missed you. [kisses the ground] There's definitely a horse parade here recently.

Jerry:
[exhausted] I must have lost thirty pounds on that walk. Do you know how long it's going to take me to gain them back?

Justin:
Why is the Sub Station all boarded up?

Theresa:
Oh gosh. I gotta get in there! I wanna take a bath without someone yelling at me, "Hey lady, get out of my pool!" [bangs on the door]

Harper:
Go away government agents! I have a soda gun and its loaded with root beer!

Jerry:
Harper, it's us! We escaped from the government guys!

Harper:
I'm not falling for that! The real Russos are too lame to escape from anywhere.

Alex:
Harper!!! [bangs on the door] Open up!! We'd flash in there but we don't have our powers. We only got back by hitching rides, taking buses, and a lot of walking.

Mason:
[whips his head to her] YOU DIDN'T WALK AT ALL!!! YOU HAD ME CARRY YOU LIKE A CAMEL!!! [smiles] Love.

Harper:
Too lazy to walk? Oh Alex it really is you! All right, hold on. I'll let you in. I just have to dismantle a bunch of booby traps I set up to protect myself.

Harper:
Hi guys.

Theresa:
[walks into the Sub Station] It's so good to be home! (gets hit from one of the traps) Ah! (falls down)

Harper:
Oops. I forgot to get rid of that one.

Theresa:
You think they'd want anything to do with us anymore? You guys don't even have your powers. You're nothing without them. Nothing. (puts on the ice pack)

Justin:
Guys come on. There's something wrong with the portal.

Justin:
I can't contact anybody in the Wizard World. I've tried WizCom, WizPhone, WizText, and just straight up yelling into the thing. (opens portal door) Hello! Are you listening?

Mason:
Nothing but a WizEcho.

Alex:
(snorts) It's just a regular echo, Mason. We don't put "wiz" in front of everything.

Jerry:
Look! The Wizmergency Wizlight is on! That means the powers are still down. Oh no, the government must have captured everyone.

Alex:
This is bad. That means they still have Professor Crumbs too. (goes in the restaurant kitchen and goes on the phone) Hello? I'd like to speak with the officer in charge.

Jerry:
What are you doing?

Alex:
I'm calling the police. We have to do something to save the Wizard World. Hello officer yes I'd like to report-

Justin:
(grabs phone) That you are doing a great job. Yep. Keep it up. Love ya! (hangs up phone) Alex! What were you gonna tell them?

Alex:
(trying not to laugh) Not that I love them.

Justin:
People don't hear it enough. Alex, you know you can't reveal magic.

Max:
Even I know that. That's why I just make people think I'm dumb. So if I slip up they'd figure, "Ah that kid's an idiot." I slip up all the time so...who's dumb now?

Jerry:
Alex, you can't call the police. We just need to lay low for awhile until this blows over and do nothing.

Alex:
The wizard world is captured and you want us to do nothing? Fine. (goes upstairs)

Theresa:
The one time we ask the laziest girl on Earth to do nothing, she wants to do something!

Mason:
I'm just happy she didn't ask me to carry her up the stairs.

Alex:
Attention! Attention everyone! Listen, I know you're all here because I told you that Lady GaGa would be on a motorcycle jumping over a shark tank (Mason makes hand gestures and whooshing sounds) Yes, okay but that was just a front to get you here. There's something much more important.

Reporter:
What can be more important than GaGa?

Alex:
The government has unfairly taken an entire population of Wizards hostage. I know because I'm a wizard too.

Mason:
(makes "Ta-da! Here she is!" gesture)

Theresa:
Alex!

Jerry:
What are you doing? (to the press) This is a prank. You can all go now. Sorry!

Press:
(starts to walk off mumbling in agreement)

Alex:
No! It's true! Look! Those are my bothers! They're wizards too!

Mason:
And I'm a werewolf! Grr! Hiss! Grr!

(after the judge brings in a crystal ball)

Jerry:
We're gonna watch TV? Oh, now I really wish they had a food court. I can't watch TV without a corn dog.

Theresa:
(grabs her purse and pulls out a corn dog in a bag) Here, I was saving it to keep you quiet at church...just eat it. (she gives it to him and he takes a bite of it)

Alex:
Seriously, I get a lawyer named Mr. Loser? What's your first name?

Mr. Loser:
It's Big Time.

Alex:
Big Time Loser?! Come on!

Professor Crumbs:
Game, set and match. I'm off to tennis. (flashes away)

Theresa:
CUCUYS! I PROMISE I'LL BEHAVE MAMA! I'M SORRY! [continues screaming and runs upstairs]

Justin:
What was she saying?

Max:
It sounded like she was ordering a number four from Fiesta Express.

Justin:
Future wizard?! [takes the magazine] What?

Max:
Oh, that's me.

Justin:
[looks at Max then grunts angrily] You didn't even win the competition! That's it! I'm doing whatever it takes to get back into this thing. But first, I'm going to draw a silly mustache and maybe a uni brow to express my discontent. [goes into the storage room]

Mason:
Oh, now I get it. I just thought Alex was being uncharacteristically generous.

Alex and Harper:
[laughing]

Alex:
Hey everyone! Who wants to play a game called "Embarrass Your Boyfriend"! I'll go first! Did you know that Mason told me he sleeps in a nightgown and cap like Ebeneezer Scrooge? (all but Mason laugh)

Mason:
What are you doing? I asked you to never tell anyone that!

Alex:
I'm sorry Mason. Are you getting upset? Oh! here's another one! Did you know that Mason can only ride in a car when his head is sticking out the window and his tongue is flapping in the wind?! (all but Mason laugh)

Mason:
Alex, stop! You're making me mad!

Alex:
Oh, and here's the best one! Mason cries if you even SAY "Old Yeller" (turns to Mason quickly) OLD YELLER!

Mason:
(turns his back to others, crying) STOP IT!

Harper:
That is the saddest thing I have ever seen.

Mr. Laritate:
Pull over there. I have to get something healthy to eat to calm my nerves.

Alex:
That's a donut shop.

Mr. Laritate:
I'll get the ones with the fruit in the middle!

Alex:
You see this is what I get for helping you out while you where driving.

Harper:
I didn't ask for your help.

Alex:
I was helping me. I wanted to live.

Harper:
I don't need your help. I'm going to pass the drivers test all by myself.

Alex:
Well I don't need you either. I can clean all the garbage cans by myself, and what am I going to need to do that? Do I need like a rag or a, or a brush or spray? No? FINE!

Jerry:
Hey Justin. It looks like you are going to win the wizard competition, so I am going to pass the family robe down to you now.

Justin:
Ah, what an honor.

Jerry:
Its good.

Alex:
I have finished my oil painting.

Harper:
Coconut cream pies are done.

Max:
this is a box of mud.

Dean:
Yo Russo! I'm back! Wanna smooch?

Max Look! Now she's all over him. That's Dean Moriarty.

Mason I'm sure she's just brushing some filthy dandruff off his shoulder. He doesn't look clean.

Max Dude, you rolled around in a dead squirrel the other day.

Justin:
Let's learn the Up and Atom spell.

Tyler:
Or we could learn the Kick Back and Chill spell instead. It goes like this. Abra- [puts foot up on table] Cadabra! (puts other foot up and table and puts hands behind head).

Alex:
Mason! (sees a trail of rose petals on the floor) Rose petals? What did you do? We're suppose to stay friends.

Mason:
Those aren't from me, but I have my suspicions.

Dean:
(outside) Hey yo Russo! Like my flowers?

Mason:
Suspicions confirmed.

Mason:
Grr.

Max:
Grr.

Mason:
Grr.

Max:
Grr.

Mason:
Grr.

Max:
[quietly] Why are we doing this?

Mason:
(burps then smiles nervously) I ate Dean.

Alex and Harper:
(shocked)

Max:
(gives Mason a thumbs up)

Alex:
Mason! You can't just go around eating people! This isn't-this isn't-(turns to Harper) What place are we trying to think of Harper?

Harper:
No place! There's no place where you can just go around eating people!

Mason:
I'm sorry.

Alex:
You're sorry?! How could you do this?!

Mason:
Well it was easy because his hair was greasy and then he kinda got stuck at the shoulders.

Max:
Yeah so then this guy started choking so then I just shrunk Dean down and made him easier to eat. :(pats Mason's back)

Alex:
(looks at Harper)

Mason:
Alex, I'm sorry. I saw how well you were getting along with Dean and I guess I got a little jealous.

Alex:
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN EAT HIM!

In the lair:

(Alex, Harper, Max and Mason run inside the lair to get Justin.)

Alex:
Justin! Justin! We need your help! Mason ate Dean.

Justin:
Not now Alex. I'm trying to through to my class. HE ATE DEAN?!

Felix:
The hairy guy ate somebody?

Max:
Yeah, he's a werewolf.

Tyler:
Nice!

Alex:
Justin please! We have to find a way to get Dean out of Mason.

Felix:
Let's cut him open!

Mason:
Let's not cut him open! He's a very nice guy.

Harper:
Nice guy? You ate somebody!

Tyler:
Dudes, let's all shrink down with the Up and Atom spell, go inside him, and then bounce around his stomach until he barfs up Dean!

Class:
[agrees]

Alex:
Okay, next!

Justin:
No, no, no, no. Tyler might be onto something here.

Tyler:
Sweet!

Justin:
Okay, we're gonna need some kind of fully functional miniature submarine.

Alex:
I know where we can get one. (waves wand and a small cow-patterned box appears on table)

Justin:
No. Not my Captain Jim Bob Sherwood fully functional Country Cow submarine! If I open it it will be worth nothing!

Alex:
Justin.

Justin:
No.

Alex:
Going inside Mason's body would be the greatest adventure anyone could ever have. Jim Bob would jump at the chance.

Justin:
You...are right. (grabs box) This is a Captain Jim Bob job. (opens box reluctantly) Ah! It smells new.

Alex:
I still don't understand why a submarine crew has to dress up like cows.

Max:
Cows? I thought we were dalmatians. Now it's just weird.

Justin:
Country cow submarine? What a crew. (shows Harper to the Abracadoodler) Okay, I've turned the Abracadoodler into a submarine tracking sonar scope.

Harper:
(sits down) Oh perfect. I can't wait to not know what to use this for.

Justin:
Mason. You are going to swallow us. You are going to swallow us, not chew us.

Alex:
I'm going to get back into the wizard competition and I'm going to win...for us.

(In Sub Station; Dean is coming to)

Dean:
What happened? What are you guys wearing? And WHAT AM I COVERED IN?!

Justin:
Alex you got this one right? (walks away)

Harper:
She lives for these moments! (follows Justin)

Max:
Simon says follow them! (follows Harper)

Alex:
Um, okay, well, you see, Dean you got knocked out by a flying bowl of oatmeal. And we called the doctor, and he said the only way to wake you up was to dress up like cows.

Mason:
(to Alex) Really? That's your story?

Alex:
(whispers) Give it a minute!

Dean:
That's a good doctor.

(Jerry and Theresa playing Skee Ball. Alex and Mason come out of the Sub Station.)

Alex:
Mom, dad, I have some really exciting news. I've decided to get back in the Wizard Competition.

Theresa:
(distracted by Skee Ball) It's in the drawer with the dead batteries. A hundred, Jerry!

Alex:
Are you even listening? I am going to win the Wizards Competition so Mason and I can be together.

Jerry:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great, honey. (reaches into pocket) Here's twenty dollars. (hands to Alex) Take your own candy. (rolls ball) Ah haha! A hundred and fifty points, Theresa!

Mason:
Let me try. I ate Dean today.

Jerry and Theresa:
(stop playing) What?!

Alex:
He said we're going to the movies. Bye! (the episode ends as Alex and Mason run down the street)

Alex:
Justin, please tell me-oooh, cotton candy! (takes a piece of the swirl)

Jerry:
Max was in it.

Alex:
[drops the cotton candy]

Alex:
Yes you did. [in a baby voice] You're the best brother ever.

Justin:
Get out!

Alex:
[skips happily to the portal door]

Justin:
The key to mastering a spell is focusing your inner wizard and summoning all your power. It's a little something I like to call "Using the Force".

Felix:
The Force? Dude, you ripped that off of Star Wars!

Justin:
Or did they rip it off from me...? [tries to use the Jedi mind trick on Felix]

Felix:
And you ripped that off, too!

Justin:
Alex, why are you wasting my time? You were suppose to transform into Justin Bieber not "Just a beaver."

Alex:
[as a beaver] What went wrong? I did the spell correctly!

Max:
[enters the lair from the portal] Hey guys. So I moved up the wizard competition to Monday at 4pm. Let's just get this thing done. [leaves]

Justin and Alex:
WHAT?!

Alex:
I can't believe that Max moved up the final wizard competition! Is that even legal?

Justin:
[reading a book] Yeah the Wizard Competition Code states it. Only Max can change the date back. Okay, don't worry about it. I'll...go talk to him. I can reason with him.

Alex:
Say that last sentence again.

Justin:
I can reason with him. [realizes what he said] I will...distract him with something shiny.

Harper:
[to Alex] Alex, I think you're being replaced as daddy's little girl.

Alex:
[mildly annoyed] Please, I'm daddy's little girl. [referring to 'Max/Maxine'] That is daddy's little freak.

Justin:
Hmm. Looks like the little girl shoe is on the other foot, and it fits well. [leaves]

Maxine:
[gazing at her reflection backstage, at the dojo] PIGTAILS? LOLLIPOP?!? You didn't change me back,you made me CUTER! Get ready,because Maxine is going to be your cutest nightmare. EVER.

Alex:
Glad your little girl's okay. [leaves]

Alex:
Yes. How is it possible that you and I are related?

Alex:
It doesn't even look that hard. It's just a little pamphlet. [opens the pamphlet to reveal more] Little bit. [opens pamphlet more and stretches it out to Justin] More. [opens the paper more] Oh, this is going to take me, like, three days to close up!

Alex:
You're going to throw away everything that we've been working so hard on to get back into the competition for some girl that you barely even know.

Justin:
I know her.

Alex:
Good, 'cause I have no idea who you are.

Alex:
You know what you guys need? An inspirational speech. [stands up on a chair] Okay, we can succeed without Justin. If we believe in each other, we can accomplish anything we set our minds to. So I say, fellow delinquents, we can do it, I think.

Alex and the class:
We can do it, I think. We can do it, I think. We can do it, I think!

Alex:
Yeah! I think.

Felix:
Yes! We did it! You're my new Mr. Justin but pretty.

Alex:
Aww. [blushes and hides her face behind the paper]

Alex:
[casts a spell] This that, copycat. [casts spell on Rosie then put her wand in her boot]

Rosie:
[puts her wand in her boot]

Alex:
[same time with Rosie] Did it work? Yep, it worked. It's probably better if we don't talk while we're in there. [flips her hair then goes into the lair with Rosie following]

Justin:
Rosie? What are you doing here?

Alex:
[same time with Rosie] Justin relax. Everything's fine. Just go with it.

Justin:
[whispers] That was so weird.

Alex:
[takes off her robe]

Rosie:
[takes off her robe and reveals wings from her back]

Justin:
[whispers] She's an angel.

Alex:
[same time with Rosie] Oh my gosh, she's an angel.

Felix:
Plus, he's dating an angel. It's like dating a supermodel with wings.

Justin:
Could this date get any worse?

Alex:
[speaking loudly on her cellphone] Can you hear me Harper? Yes. No I'm on the terrace now.

Harper:
Put down the phone. I can hear better when you yell.

Alex:
[takes some food from a plate and walks to the balcony] Ah! Ah! [spits the food out] Ow! That's hot. What was that.

Harper:
[below on the ground] Ow! That's hot! What was that?

Cedric:
All angels can play the harp and sing. [gives a harp to Alex]

Alex:
[turns to Harper] Well here, you're Harper. [gives the harp to Harper]

Justin:
She was my second chance at love and now she's gone. [takes off the fake wings and leaves]

Alex:
Mysterious yet obvious. I am on it.

Teresa:
[after hanging up the phone] That was Mr. Laritate. He wants to know when Max is returning to school.

Jerry:
How are we gonna send Max back to school when he's still "Maxine?" Does he really need to go?

Maxine:
[talking to a customer] Okay one BLT coming up. [turns to his mom] Hey Mom, how do you spell BLT?

Teresa:
[looks at Jerry incredulously]

Jerry:
...Yeah, he needs to go to school.

Alex:
Huh. It's kinda bright. Not very subtle for a hidden location.

Tina:
You couldn't find it.

Alex:
It was a good point.

Tina:
Yeah. But we have to hurry because the light attracts moths so squint and run.

Alex:
No, I don't run. [puts on sunglasses]

Tina:
[runs into the entrance while Alex walks inside]

Alex:
You're not going to give up are you?

Tina:
[shakes her head]

Alex:
I like you.

Tina:
I like you too.

Alex:
Hmm. That's unnecessary.

Alex:
So why don't you get back to flapping those grungy looking wings right back to- [turns to Tina] Where do angels of darkness live?

Tina:
The Dark Realm.

Alex:
[turns to Rosie] The Dark Realm!

Rosie:
Fine if that's what Justin wants.

Justin:
[turns to Alex then Rosie and hugs Rosie]

Alex:
[opens her mouth in shock]

Tina:
I don't think that's a good bye hug.

Theresa:
Harper, honey, we don't want to say that it's a bad idea, but it's just-

Jerry:
No Theresa, I think we do want to say that's a bad idea.

Harper:
What is so bad about a slumber party? It's what every girl dreams of. If they never experience one they go through life never knowing the joys of friendship cemented with all that giggling, secrets, popcorn, singing, texting, movies, games, pillow fights and-

Theresa:
Harper! You never had a slumber party, had you?

Harper:
How'd you know?

Gorog:
Enjoy your wings, fallen wizard. As we cast our shadow on Earth.

Justin:
I'm no longer a wizard. I'm an angel of darkness. [snaps his wand in half]

Rosie:
Alex! I need your help

Alex:
Well, Whatever it is I don't have time. I have a slumber party to go to. This bag of angry badgers and 6 obnoxious little girls are about to have a screaming contest!

Rosie:
No, Alex. Alex, your brother has been held by Gorog.

Alex:
Go- shh, shh [makes the badges go quiet]. Gorog? That sounds like a boost you put in your smoothie; excuse me I'll have the strawberry dazzle with vitamin C and a shot of Gorog. I am funny.

Rosie:
No, Alex. Gorog is the leader of the angels of darkness. He's going to destroy your brother.

Alex:
Then why did you bring Justin to him?

Rosie:
Because I didn't know that this was gonna happen, I was tricked too, Alex.

Alex:
(laughs) Oh you have to do so much better than that if you want to outlie a liar.

Rosie:
No, Alex, I'm telling the truth. I promise please! This was all Gorog's plan and I followed it but I never expected to fall in love with Justin.

Alex:
Hold on, are... are you crying? I thought you were an angel of darkness. You're starting to sound good.

Rosie:
Well... I guess that's what falling in love does to you. Alex, please there isn't much time, okay? Do the right thing for your brother. I know that there is still some good left in you.

Alex:
No there isn't. [turns her head] Wait. Ugh! There is it. A little piece of good. Darn it! Here hold this. [gives Rosie the bag and leaves]

Rosie:
[frightened] Alex!

Maxine:
Hey, these are supposed to be ninth graders not one hundredth graders.

Alex:
You're a wizard. A good one and you know in your heart that you don't belong here.

Gorog:
[fighting for Alex's wand against Rosie then they both drop it]

Alex:
What? My wand!

Justin:
[looking and holding one of Rosie's feathers]

Alex:
[enters the lair from the portal] Justin. What are you doing up? It's late.

Justin:
I stayed up because I owed you something. [gives Alex her wand] Found it in Washington Square Park. A two headed dog had it. Pretty sure he didn't start out that way.

Alex:
[laughs] Thank you. What about your wand?

Justin:
[takes out his wand which is bonded together with duct tape] I, uh, will find a spell to fix it. And I owed you something else. [hugs Alex] Thank you for saving me.

Alex:
It's for all the times you saved me when I wasn't good. And a couple of more times in the future so we're even.

Justin:
No we're not. [sits next to Alex] You saved the world today.

Alex:
You gave up a girl to protect it. Why do we have to keep dealing with stuff like this?

Justin:
We're wizards. I don't think we have a choice. [nudges Alex]

Alex:
[smiles and lays her head on Justin's shoulder]

Alex:
[after walking out of the lair while holding the reversal potion] Max, drink this.

Maxine:
[eyes the beaker] What is it?

Alex':
Since when do you care what you drink?

Maxine:
[shrugs and drinks some of the potion and nothing happens]

Alex:
It didn't WORK!

Maxine:
Was it "burp juice?" [burps] There, it worked.

Alex:
[makes a "ha ha,you're so funny face"]

Justin:
[enters] Well they didn't change back, you must've left something out of the potion.

Alex:
Oh I know whats missing from the potion...

Justin:
What?

Alex:
[angrily] A little SUPPORT here!

Zeke:
Hey, hey, don't tell her that I'm a wizard. She seems like the kind of person who might take advantage of magic.

Justin:
(angrily) Hey! It's my sister you're talking about. (calmly) And you are absolutely right.

Harper:
I hope you're happy, Alex. I kept your secret. [leaves]

Justin:
Is this as hilarious as you thought it would be?

Alex:
(A spell on Zeke) This is no longer cute put his voice on mute.

Alex:
[reading fortune] Say good-bye to your life...

TV Reporter:
[To little girl who got Alex's old fortune] Say good-bye to your life because you just won a million dollars!

Alex:
What?! That's my money! [Tries to run at girl while Harper and Justin hold her back.]That's my money!!!

Professor Crumbs:
im gonna have fun without you (flashes away)

Justin:
Turn on the reverse thrusters! Max: 'Kay. [presses button] [wipers come on] Justin: [angrily] Max, YOU TURNED ON THE WINDSHIELD WIPERS!

Alex:
Blah, Blah, Blah...