Homestarrunner.com: Everything Else, Volume 2

Homestar Runner:
What in Pete Sampras is going on here?

[Marzipan has started her own rock band and Strong Mad and The Cheat have joined. She calls her band "Cool Tapes", named after the words Homestar wrote on the wall. They perform the band's theme song, with her on lead guitar, Strong Mad on bass and The Cheat on drums]

Marzipan:
One! Two! Three! Four! [singing] Cool tapes are cool, 'cause they're where it is at / Cool tapes are cool, and we like it like that / Cool tapes / Cool tapes / We like to get it down with the cool, cool tapes / We like to get down with... [stops singing] Um... um...

Homestar Runner:
A bag of four grapes?

Marzipan:
[resumes singing] A bag of four grapes!

[singing to the tune of "O Christmas Tree." While The Cheat, Pom Pom, and the Poopsmith stand by, they don't do actual singing]

Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, Coach Z, Bubs, Marzipan, The King of Town:
Decemberween, Decemberween, you're 55 days after Halloween! Decemberween, Decemberween, you're 55 days after Halloween!

Marzipan:
With bunnies running for their lives.

The King of Town:
I wish this one was supersized.

Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, Coach Z, Bubs, Marzipan, The King of Town:
Decemberween, Decemberween, you're 55 days after Halloween! Decemberween, Decemberween, you're 55 days after Halloween!

Strong Sad:
What are you guys talking about?

Strong Bad:
Hey, who the crap let Strong Sad out?

Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, Coach Z, Bubs, Marzipan, The King of Town:
Decemberween, Decemberween, you're 55 days after Halloween! Decemberween, Decemberween, you're 55 days after Halloween!

Bubs:
I got all kinds of crazy crap!

Homestar Runner:
I bought Strong Bad a "Deep Impact"!

Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, Coach Z, Bubs, Marzipan, The King of Town:
Decemberween, Decemberween...

Homestar Runner:
Coach Z's been drinking Listerine!

[repeated line]

Reinforcements:
Hey, guys.

Homestar Runner:
Hey Strong Bad, I really like your costume. The Spanish Inquisition? That's great.

Strong Bad:
Look, for the last time, I'm not The Spanish Inquisition, I'm not Cab Calloway, and I'm not Strong Bad wearing a yellow turtleneck! I'm Carmen freakin' Sandiego!

Marzipan:
I like Cab Calloway.

Strong Bad:
Okay, Poopsmith, that's the worst costume I ever saw. I mean, you're *Lazer Tag*? What, are you supposed to be dressed up as the product? Or is it more abstract than that, like you're supposed to be the concept of Lazer Tag? Come on man, you know you just found that old crap in a trunk in your basement.

The King of Town:
Ease off, Strong Bad! He's not the one that dressed up as a *girl* two years in a row.

Strong Bad:
Oh ho ho ho, you asked for it, King.

[Strong Mad punches The King of Town]

Marzipan:
What's wrong with girls?

Bubs:
Did any of you guys go to that house that was giving out change? I changed my costume and went back ten times. I made 35 dollars!

Strong Sad:
Did you guys go to that house where they let you into this big room and there's all these people wearing black hoods and they ask you these questions about life and existence and if you answer them wrong you get eternal damnation, but if you answer them right you get a Twizzler?

Strong Bad:
Um, no.

Homestar Runner:
No.

Coach Z:
Nope.

The King of Town:
No.

Bubs:
Nope.

The Cheat:
[a The Cheat noise that means, "No."]

Strong Mad:
No.

Marzipan:
No.

Strong Sad:
Oh, never mind.

Marzipan:
I like your costume, Strong Sad, but you weren't invited this year.

Coach Z:
Say, Pom Pom, check out this funky bass groove: a doo'rear, a doo'ri, a doo'rear, a doo'ri!

[He grooves around a little]

Homestar Runner:
I really have to pee.

Strong Bad:
Yeah, and the Poopsmith's not smelling any rosier, neither.

Homestar Runner:
Oh, oh, I've got an idea! Let's totally freak 'em out. Let's repeat the stuff that we just said! Hey, Strong Bad, I really like your costume. The Spanish Inquisition? That's great...

Strong Bad:
Things were just about to start getting crazy go nuts!

[Strong Bad opens his Decemberween present from Homestar]

Strong Bad:
What! A "Deep Impact" DVD? You got me this for like the last three years, man!

Homestar Runner:
I know, and you liked it so much, I decided to get it for you again.

Coach Z:
You say, "tomater"; I say, "tomatemort".

Marzipan:
[on answering machine] Hi, this is Marzipan. Please leave me a message.

Strong Bad:
[leaving a message] Oh, hey Marzipan. Have you seen The Cheat? Because we can't find him anywhere. Anyways, this is Strong Bad and... [Strong Bad then stammers and clears his throat, talking like Homestar, only very poorly] I mean, this is Homestar... Runner. Oh, Marzipan, I killed Pom Pom! Yeah, we were playing badminton in his yard and I got mad and I killed him! Oh, no, I need your help burying his body. [He starts laughing in a stifled way] Uh, bring some towels and some garbage bags. This is Homestar.

Gunhaver:
The brain is divided into two halves: the good half and the evil half. The good half likes positive things, like self-esteem, Oreo cheesecake, bringing your old man a cold one, and all our playsets and toys. But the evil half likes littering, loitering, latering, lootering, and all the other stuff that causes inappropriate peer-to-teen choice behaviors!

[Strong Bad approaches Marzipan wearing oven mitts]

Strong Bad:
Hey, Marzipan!

Marzipan:
Oh, hi, Strong Bad. Are those my oven mitts?

Strong Bad:
What? No! These are my training gloves... probably. Anyways, I heard Homestar's getting you the Yello Dello for your birthday.

Marzipan:
Yello Dello?

Strong Bad:
You wanna know what I got you?

Marzipan:
My oven mitts?

Strong Bad:
NOTHING!

[repeated line]

Cheat Commandos:
[singing] Buy all our playsets and toys!

[Homestar awakens from sleeping and looks at the clock, then the window, where it's night out and it's snowing]

Homestar Runner:
Oh, crap, I set the alarm for 10 PM instead of AM again! I was supposed to go Decemberween shopping today!

[He looks at his calendar, the current date reading December 25]

Homestar Runner:
Oh, crap, it's Decemberween already!

[He leaps out of bed and accidentally collides with the closed door]

Homestar Runner:
Oh, crap, I ran into the door!

[He opens the door and falls down the stairs to crashing noises]

Homestar Runner:
Oh, crap, I fell down the stairs.

[He finally makes it out the front door, naked; he groans]

Homestar Runner:
And now, I ran out of the house naked somehow.

[Smiling]

Homestar Runner:
Ooh, but it IS snowing.

Homestar Runner:
Strong Bad! The good times are over! I swallowed your computer!

Strong Bad:
You WHAT?

Homestar Runner:
Oh, I mean a small bug. I swallowed a small bug.

Strong Bad:
Aw, now my head's not taped to the TV!

Homestar Runner:
Strong Bad, I really need your help.

Strong Bad:
And I really need to find out who shot Caleb Rentpayer!

Homestar Runner:
Oh, that's easy. I did.

Strong Bad:
You what?

Tucksworth:
Homestar Runner, did you shoot Caleb?

Homestar Runner:
[appears on the TV wearing sunglasses] I sure did!

Strong Bad:
You traitor! You shot my favorite TV show!

[punches Homestar]

Homestar Runner:
[hiccups the bug] Hey, look at that. A small guy. A bug did fly in my mouth!

Strong Bad:
Oh, the good times are definitely over.

[Strong Sad runs in wearing blue boxer shorts]

Strong Sad:
The world is saved! I found the bluue onnes!

[Marzipan comes to the House that Gave Sucky Treats dressed as Joey Ramone]

Marzipan:
Hey, ho. Let's go. Hey, ho. Trick or treat.

[the player gives her a steak]

Marzipan:
Is this some kind of joke? Cause it's not funny.

Strong Bad:
[dressed as Carmen Sandiego] Where in the world is my candy?

[Strong Bad comes to the House that Gave Sucky Treats dressed as Carmen Sandiego]

Strong Bad:
Where in the world is my candy?

[the player gives him an apple]

Strong Bad:
What is *this* crap? What are you, a dentist? Or a hippie? Or some kind of hippie dentist?

Narrator, "That Time of Year":
Snow falls from the 'bove. It's cold when it snows.

[Strong Bad uses pen to alter the book]

Strong Bad:
Now, a million eyeballs fall from the 'bove. The boy gets financial advice from the rat king. Or...

[redraws and rewrites]

Strong Bad:
Show the future, magic ball! It burns flesh when it glows.

Narrator, "That Time of Year":
Greta is baking cookies. When will they be done?

[Strong Bad makes Greta look Goth and hold a can of bug spray]

Strong Bad:
Greta is feeding the mouse bug spray. When will he be done for?

Narrator, "That Time of Year":
Decemberween is here. Decemberween is here. Today.

[Strong Bad draws and writes over the book]

Strong Bad:
Radioactivity is here. Growing arms out of heads is here. Today. Or...

[Draws himself into the story]

Strong Bad:
I am here stealing your presents. Sorry, kids. Today is not your lucky day.

Reynold:
How do I keep from making peer-to-teen choice awards, Gunhaver?

Gunhaver:
If you find yourself in a sticky "teenage situation", just remember these three pro-positive life tools.

[Silent Rip and a Blue Laser minion are shown in a classroom, taking a test]

Blue Laser Minion:
What you get for number four, sir?

Silent Rip:
Uh...

Gunhaver:
[cutting in, pausing the scene] FREEZE! Pro-positive life tool number one: say you have one of any debilitating Gold Rush-era diseases.

Blue Laser Minion:
Come on, man. I thought we were bros!

Silent Rip:
I can't. I have the typhoid. Or the cholera!

Blue Laser Minion:
Never mind. Your answers are gross, bro.

Reynold:
Gold Rush-era diseases, eh?

Gunhaver:
Now you're getting it!

[Strong Bad throws a marshmallow roast to compete with Marzipan's meatless luau. He tries to light a stack of firewood on fire with some matches, but for some reason, the firewood refuses to light on fire]

Strong Bad:
Stupid matches, freakin' light the fire!

Strong Mad:
[rubbing his belly] Ugh. Hungry.

Bubs:
I'm with Strong Mad. I feel about as hungry as the King of Town on a Saturday!

Strong Bad:
I'm trying! I'm trying! Gtch! [taunting voice] Hello, my name is Piece of Wood and I don't want to catch fire. Hello, my name is Little Match, and I don't want to *make* a fire! [completely agitated] HELLO! MY NAME IS FIRE, AND I'M NOT COMING TO YOUR STUPID PARTY!

Strong Bad:
[imitating Tucksworth] Strong Caleb, did you make the best omelet ever during the commercial break? [He then imitates Caleb] I sure did.

[Homsar appears the House That Gave Sucky Treats dressed as J. Wellington Wimpy]

Homsar:
I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for some candy today.

[the player gives him a can of shaving cream]

Homsar:
Oh no, I think this is my favorite!

[Homestar and Strong Bad have just watched a Halloween-themed commercial for Fluffy Puff Marshmallows with spokesman Marshie dressed as a vampire]

Strong Bad:
I thought you said you were the star of this one.

Homestar Runner:
Oh, right. I made that up. But I did get to keep this cool eyeball.

[He picks up an eyeball from offscreen and puts it on]

Homestar Runner:
See! See!

Strong Bad:
What're you doing?

Homestar Runner:
Isn't that the sound that, um... eyeballs make?

[Homestar leans toward Strong Bad, while Strong Bad backs off and then gets up and leaves]

Homestar Runner:
See! See!

[repeated line]

Strong Bad:
Holy crap!

Homestar Runner:
[sighs a lot]

Strong Sad:
What's the matter, Homestar?

Homestar Runner:
[surprised] Oh! Strong Sad! I can't decide what to get Strong Bad for Decemberween.

Strong Sad:
Uh, what do you mean?

Homestar Runner:
Well, I know he's kind of a jerk sometimes, and he says "Holy crap" a lot, but I think if I get him the perfect present, he just might like me again.

Strong Sad:
What? People get presents for Decemberween? I always just get locked in the bathtub.

[Marzipan is reading a newspaper as Homestar walks in]

Homestar Runner:
Hey, lady.

Marzipan:
Homestar, did you know that crime is on the rise?

Homestar Runner:
Yeah, no. Is it?

Marzipan:
Yes, things are very serious right now. So what are you going to do to protect me?

Homestar Runner:
Um, I could put a dash between "Homestar" and "Runner" from now on.

Marzipan:
[excited] Really? You'd do that for me?

Homestar Runner:
Ha, no. Of course not.

[Blue Laser Commander ambushes Firebert in an alley and holds out a chocolate bar]

Blue Laser Commander:
Hey, kid, wanna smoke some candy with me?

[Once again, Gunhaver freezes the scene]

Gunhaver:
Pro-positive life tool number three: have your light infantry create a thick smokescreen, then lay down some suppressive fire until the snipers are in position. But look out for surface-to-air antioxidant missiles.

[the scene is shown exactly as Gunhaver describes, with Firebert providing the smoke on Blue Laser Commander, who coughs, and then fires a gun at him. They then duck aside as missiles, supposedly containing green tea, shoot by]

Gunhaver:
Then by the time Reinforcements shows up...

[Reinforcements approaches]

Reinforcements:
Hey, guys.

Gunhaver:
...your mom should be waiting for you in the bus turnaround.

[Homestar is trying to find some ingredients for a potion and he runs into Coach Z and Pom Pom]

Homestar Runner:
Taco-Man came by. He gave me some water, he gave me some water. What are you guys gonna do for me?

Coach Z:
Pom Pom, give the man some stank water. I will not be upstaged by Taco-Man two years in a row!

[on Halloween night, everyone is standing around in the spooky woods]

Homestar Runner:
Strong Bad, Blanche from "The Golden Girls"? Genius!

Strong Bad:
[dressed as Jambi the Genie from "Pee-wee's Playhouse"] I'm not Blanche from "The Golden Girls".

Bubs:
No, no, he's Phyllis Diller!

Coach Z:
I thought you were supposed to be my hot mom!

Strong Bad:
No, I'm Jambi the Genie! You know, "Wish? Did somebody say wish?"

The King of Town:
I wish you'd dress up as something I could recognize! Pop culture... mumble grumble...

[Bubs arrives at the House That Gave Sucky Treats dressed up as Mars Blackmon]

Bubs:
Please, baby, please, baby, baby, baby, please! Gimme some candy!

[the player gives him a pack of Bazooka bubble gum]

Bubs:
I never understand the comics that come in this bubble gum. I mean, the first frame is some guy saying, "Look out, the sky is falling!" And the second frame is some guy getting hit on the head with a rock. And I'm sitting there going, "What the heck just happened?" And before I know it, I swallowed my bubble gum!

Homestar Runner:
Psst. Uh, hey, The Cheat.

The Cheat:
[a The Cheat noise that means, "Huh?"]

Homestar Runner:
I had a really important question to ask you about your costume. Are you supposed to be dressed up as some kind of a witches' brew?

The Cheat:
[actually dressed up as Russell from "Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids"; makes annoyed The Cheat noises and looks away]

Homestar Runner:
Wait, wait, I had another question I wanted to ask you. It's not about witches' brew. Okay, it is, but just hear me out.

Strong Sad:
[dressed as a Devo member] Go foward. Move ahead. Try to detect it. It's not too late.

[Homestar and Strong Bad have just finished watching a Decemberween episode of Sweet Cuppin' Cakes]

Strong Bad:
Didn't I invent this cartoon?

Homestar Runner:
Yeah, I think so.

Strong Bad:
Then how come I can't understand a lick of it?

Homestar Runner:
What's there to understand? Eh! Steve's mouth exploded the universe, and the little blond guy did a tidy, tidy dance.

Strong Bad:
Oh, right. The true meaning of Decemberween.

Homestar Runner:
Yeah, yeah. Right, right.

Strong Bad:
Whatever. I'm gonna go re-nog.

Homestar Runner:
[a few seconds after the screen fades to darker colors] Will you turn the lights on when you come back in?

Stinkoman:
Dot dot dot.

Coach Z:
Tell me what's the matter.

Homestar Runner:
Well, it's Marzipan's birthday, and I don't know what to get her.

Coach Z:
Well, Homestar, I tell you. Girls are like a great sports play: you can't just rush in to the score zone! You kiddin' me? You'd be clobbered! You've gotta stick and move and zig and zag to get past the defenses, so youse can score.

Homestar Runner:
BUT COACH, I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

Coach Z:
Don't just get her a flower, get her some rare flower from the tallest mountain. That way she knows how much she means to yahs!

Homestar Runner:
Thanks, Coach!

[the Cheat Commandos are about to leave on a mission]

Reynold:
Can I come, too?

Fightgar:
[laughing] Good one, Reynold-a.

Crackotage:
You can't shoot and you can't fly. If you came with us, you'd probably die!

[Crackotage laughs, then the Commandos leave]

Reynold:
[whiny voice] Aw, I never get to go on any missions! I would be a good mission... guy.

[Marzipan comes to the House that Gave Sucky Treats dressed as Joey Ramone]

Marzipan:
Hey, ho. Let's go. Hey, ho. Trick or treat.

[the player gives her a steak]

Marzipan:
Is this some kind of joke? Cause it's not funny.

[while Marzipan is talking, Strong Bad can be seen hiding more steaks in her treat bag]

Homestar Runner:
If you were at a party, what would you rap?

Strong Sad:
Each day we die a little more, yo. Better ax somebod-ay!

Strong Bad:
[as Reynold] Oh, I really need to go grocery shopping. I wish my girlfriend didn't leave me.

[Five years after it came out, the results of the best Homestar Runner Halloween costume of 2001 are in and the winner is Strong Bad. He is very thrilled. He goes up onto the podium and says his thank-you speech]

Strong Bad:
Guess who won? I won a game, a-da-dah! Ba-da-da-da-dah! I won the game tonight at the award ceremony! Oh yeah! First I want to thank The Cheat for helping me to cheat.

[sees The Cheat in tears and waving to him; Strong Bad waves back]

Strong Bad:
We did it, little buddy! And I want to thank my agent Bubs; Bubs, my producer; my director, Bubs; and of course, my super-hot girlfriend, who just recently got sucked into a wormhole, so she's probably in some other dimension... right now. I did it for you, baby! I'm out, peace, love!

[Two Blue Laser minions meet with Fightgar at a Price Style grocery store with some bottles, each labeled as "wine coola"]

Blue Laser Minion:
[to Fightgar] Hey, man. We need you to put these wine coolers down your pants... er, down your headband.

Fightgar:
Oh, um, uh...

[Again, Gunhaver pauses the scene]

Gunhaver:
STOP! Pro-positive life tool numero two: Envision your inappropriators as giant slices of pizza.

Fightgar:
[to Blue Laser minions, laughing while he speaks] You're deep dish! And you've got extra cheese. Oh, pepperoni.

Blue Laser Minion:
What's with this guy?

Blue Laser Minion 2:
He sounds crazy. Shall we shoot him?

Blue Laser Minion:
Abso-total-lutely!

[They pull out big guns and aim them at Fightgar]

Reynold:
But Gunhaver, I've never had pizza before.

Gunhaver:
But you know what it looks like, don't you?

Reynold:
I think so.

Gunhaver:
Now you're getting it!

Homestar Runner:
I just graduated from college. What should my epipath say?

Strong Sad:
Homestar, do you even have half a brain?

Homestar Runner:
Hot biscuts! Those are the best magic words I've ever heards!

Strong Bad:
[singing, dressed as an NBC Peacock-like turkey] Dun dun dadun dun dun! Oh, I'm some stupid turkey, as stupid as they come! Cut off my head! Stuff me with bread! Go and suck your thumb!

[Homestar, The Cheat, Strong Mad, Coach Z, and Bubs come out from behind Strong Bad]

Strong Bad, Homestar Runner, Bubs, Coach Z, Strong Mad:
Go and suck your thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumb!

Homestar Runner:
Now let us go and partake of our wonderous feast!

[fade to black]

Strong Bad:
[offscreen] Hey, wait a minute! Where's the King of Town?

The King of Town:
[looking even fatter than usual] Doo hoo hoo! [hiccup] More gravy, please!

Narrator, Spin 'n Say:
The Marzipan says...

Marzipan:
I'm the only girl!

[Strong Bad does a commentary on Homestar Runner characters costumes fans made and he sees one of a man dressed as Strong Bad, but with a distended head, standing in front of an office building]

Strong Bad:
[narrating] Dear Strong Bad, how's your miserable job at the depressing faceless office park? Oh, pretty good, Geraldine. Today they let me stand out in the parking lot and stretch my head during my seven-minute lunch break. If I'm lucky, I'll get to work here for ten years with no promotion and then get laid off.

[Strong Bad comments on a picture of some Halloween pumpkins with images of various Homestar characters carved into them]

Strong Bad:
Whoa, those things rule! These are, like, the talismans of power! You know, like, when they're all together they're a source of unspeakable evil! But then they all get separated and you have to collect them. So, like... the first board would be the jungle board, and maybe the second board is Ice World, and then there's probably a desert world in there and a fire world...

[Strong Bad and The Cheat have stolen the King of Town's crown, but he doesn't know that, only that his crown was stolen. He goes to Bubs to explain. Bubs and Coach Z writing out a sketch of the thief for the king]

Bubs:
So, describe to me what the perpetrator looked like.

The King of Town:
Had a head like a big ol' round ol'...

Bubs:
Okay.

The King of Town:
...red ol'...

Bubs:
Uh-huh.

The King of Town:
...nasty ol' egg.

Bubs:
I see.

The King of Town:
And hands looked like biscuit dough.

Bubs:
Uh-huh. Is this the man?

[Bubs shows the king the police sketch. But the perpetrator looks nothing like Strong Bad; instead, it looks more like a guy in a sweater with the number 7 on it with biscuit-dough hands and a craggy face]

Coach Z:
It was Biscuit-Dough-Hands Man! I knew it!

[Strong Bad comments on a picture of someone dressed up as Strong Bad punching a man in a papier-m?ch? Homestar head and Homestar's shirt]

Strong Bad:
Here I am beating up some kind of... mashed potato man. Uh, they got my head pretty good in this one, 'cept I'm not sure what that junk in the front is. I clearly don't have any junk in the front.

[the Cheat Commandos approach the parking lot of Price Style, where a Blue Laser tank is parked]

Gunhaver:
It looks like Blue Laser is going to take advantage of Price Style's already low, low prices on paper towels and grout cleaner and use all the savings to make a button that will make it snow at the beach!

Silent Rip:
But sir, what about beach volleyball?

Gunhaver:
There won't *be* any more beach volleyball!

[the other Commandos gasp]

[Blue Laser Commander and some of his minions are at Price Style shopping; he can't seem to find the grocery cart]

Blue Laser Commander:
What happened to our buggy?

Blue Laser Minion:
That other guy that looks just like me is using it to help some old lady do her shopping, sir.

Blue Laser Commander:
Old ladies SUCK!

[a game at a sports field has come to an end]

Coach Z:
[blowing his whistle] Okay there, boys, pack it up, pack it in. [He sees Homestar] Great jaerb there, Homestar.

Homestar Runner:
Um, I'm sorry, what?

Coach Z:
I, uh, I said you did a great jorb out there.

Homestar Runner:
I did a great what?

Coach Z:
A great *jaerb*!

Homestar Runner:
Oh, man. Pom Pom, you gotta check this out. [Pom Pom bounces over] Okay, Coach, tell Pom Pom what you just told me.

Coach Z:
Well, I was just telling Homestar here that he'd done a great joearb.

[Pom Pom bubbles in laughter]

Homestar Runner:
[laughing] Coach, that's ridiculous. We've GOT to do something about that.

[the King of Town, dressed as Mario, has entered a partially eaten pumpkin pie into the Pumpkin Carve-nival. He gets worst place]

The King of Town:
Sorry, King. But our princess is in another castle.

[Homsar's entry for the Pumpkin Carve-nival is an eggplant and a spoon taped together]

Strong Bad as Homestar Runner:
What do you have to say for yourself, little man?

Homsar:
I'm the ghost of Christmas past.

Strong Bad as Homestar Runner:
Wow. You just set a new standard for last place. You don't get a ding.

Homsar:
And also with you.

[Marzipan's pumpkin for the Carve-nival is still on its vine]

Strong Bad as Homestar Runner:
Whatcha got there, Marzipan?

Marzipan:
I didn't want to kill mine, so I left it on the vine.

Strong Bad as Homestar Runner:
What for? So you could, like, use it in a witches' brew or something?

Marzipan:
Um, I don't know what that means. Anyway, I wrote a song about it!

[sings to the tune of The Farmer in the Dell]

Marzipan:
Oh, I left it on the vine. I left it on the line. I mean, I left it on...

Strong Bad as Homestar Runner:
Not necessary! Last place! Ding!

Marzipan:
Homestar, I'm breaking up with you.

Crackotage:
Look out below, Geronimo!

Homestar Runner:
Taco-Man came by. We played a little foosball, played a little foosball. So, what are some of your favorite words?

Strong Sad:
In no particular order: Loquentia... Imbruglia... Precipitous... Saralee cheesecake... Denouement...

Homestar Runner:
Those are great!

[Coach Z has discovered that Strong Bad has committed a crime instead of Biscuit-Dough-Hands Man]

Coach Z:
Once again, Biscuit-Dough-Hands Man slips through our fingers.

Saddy Dumpington:
[cheerfully] I just saw a baby chick choke on a worm. They both died! Isn't that great?

[Stinkoman comes to the House that Gave Sucky Treats dressed as Speed Racer]

Stinkoman:
Check out my new cosplay! I'm a demon on wheels!

[the player gives him a jar labeled Akria. He screams in pain as his arm turns into a group of tentacles]

Stinkoman:
That tickles.

Matt Chapman, Craig Zobel:
[singing in sped-up voices] Homestar, run, go! Hooomestaaar, run! Run! Hooomestaaar, run! Run! Homestar Runner's really great! Homestar Runner, athalate! Homestar Runner, Pom Pom, too! Homestar Runner, we love you! Hooomestaaar, run! Run! Hooomestaaar, run! Run! Homestar Runner, do your best! Homestar Runner, pass the test! Homestar Runner, mom and dad! Look out, Homestar! It's Strong Bad! Hooomestaaar, run. Weekdays.

Marzipan:
[serving Homestar a potion] Here, Homestar. Have some melonade.

Homestar Runner:
Don't mind if I do!

[Homestar drinks the potion and turns into his tofu decoy]

Marzipan:
Yay, Homestar! You're back to your old self again!

[Tofu Homestar's head falls into the cauldron, turning him back to normal]

Marzipan:
[dissapointed] Yay, Homestar. You're back to your old self again.

Homestar Runner:
[singing] That coustume makes your butt look big!

[Marzipan's potion has turned Homestar into another Marzipan]

Marzipan:
Hooray! I'm not the only girl!

Homestar Runner:
[revealing a distorted voice and unnatractive teeth] I think we're gonna become fast friends!

[Marzipan runs away screaming. Homestar as Freaky Marzipan makes a goofy smile]

[Homestar, getting the ingredients for Marzipan's potion, comes upon Homsar, dressed as Tingle from The Legend of Zelda, floating in the spooky woods]

Homestar Runner:
[already annoyed] Oh, great. The secret guy.

[Homsar screams]

Homestar Runner:
Just gimme my choices!

[Homsar throws confetti. Random quotes that appear to be unbeneficial appear on the bottom of the screen]

Homestar Runner:
What am I supposed to do with that mess? I'm outta here.

Homsar:
Location, location, location.

Coach Z:
[as everyone stands outside Marzipan's house] Well, Strong Sad, this is a beautiful house you got here.

Strong Sad:
[dressed as David Byrne] This is not my beautiful house!

Coach Z:
Oh, and I haven't been introduced to your beautiful wife yet neither.

Strong Sad:
This is not my beautiful wife!

[Marzipan is teaching Coach Z to say the word, "job"]

Marzipan:
O. Job. O. Job.

Coach Z:
JOERGHB!

Marzipan:
Coach Z, you need to make your mouth into an O, like this... [she makes her mouth round] OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Coach Z:
You mean like this? OOORREEAARRRORRR.

Marzipan:
That's better.

Strong Bad:
All right, The Cheat! Let 'er rip!

[the Cheat presses a button on a control, making Homestar fall into a trapdoor for about two feet]

Homestar Runner:
Ooh. That was fun.

Strong Bad:
The Cheat! I thought we were opting for the *bottomless* pit! Not a *two-foot* pit!

The Cheat:
[protesting The Cheat noises as Homestar starts to dance]

Strong Mad:
[sitting in the basement as Homestar dances on top of his head] I HAVE A FUNNY HAT!

[the Homestar characters decide to celebrate Halloween by taking turns telling a scary story holding a flashlight; everything they say is interpreted in a thought bubble]

Homestar Runner:
[holding the flashlight] Once, there was this green goblin... [a goblin appears in the thought bubble] And he used to look around... and, um, I guess he did a dance... [the goblin dances a little bit] Oh, man, that was terrible. [Homestar hands the flashlight to Bubs]

Bubs:
And, the goblin, he had a Gremlin! And he jacked it up on some fat tires, and uh, and he tuned it up on some 4.11 positrak out back, 750 double pumper, Edelbrock intake, bore over 30, 11-to-1 pop-up pistons turbo jets 390 horsepower! I mean, he had some freakin' muscle!

[Bubs hands the flashlight to Pom Pom, who simply bubbles like always. Three girls with Pom Pom's head appear in the thought bubble. Then Pom Pom hands the flashlight to Marzipan]

Marzipan:
One of the girls had a cute little kitten named Kitty-kitty. The other girl had a cute little puppy named Chris. And then the third girl was a Republican.

Strong Bad:
Oh, brother! Gimme that! [Strong Bad snatches the flashlight from Marzipan; a robot appears in the thought bubble and vaporizes everything in it with his laser, except the goblin] So then the robot came and he started vaporizing everything with his vapor-gun! And he was like, "You take this, and you'd better, you, and you take this, everybody's gonna die!" And then he said, "Oh, the Gremlin! I hate the Goblin Gremlin! Bah!" [pause] I need to get some more punch. [Strong Bad hands the flashlight to The King of Town]

The King of Town:
And there was fried fish and heavenly ham and Salisbury sundaes and globs of meringue and strawberry frosted donuts and bowls full of jelly and Klondike pudding and scrumptious fillers... and... Doo! Doo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! [the King hands the flashlight to Strong Sad]

Strong Sad:
And so it turns out the robot had a human brain, which was stolen from a kindly old man, and the children of that old man came to the robot looking for their father, and they called out to him. And the robot's human brain remembered his children and his stolen life, and he was moved to tears. But the tears shorted out his circuits and fried his brain. And the robot toppled over and he crushed his children and the goblin, too. And none of them lived.

[Everyone cries and leaves, since it was a sad story]

[Homestar Runner comes to The House That Gave Sucky Treats dressed as The Greatest American Hero]

Homestar Runner:
[singing a parody of the "American Hero" theme song] Buh-lieve it or not, I'm walkin' around, I never thought I could trick or tre-ea-eat!

[the player gives him a roll of Smarties]

Homestar Runner:
All right, Smarties! Marzipan said to eat lots of these this year. I'm not really sure why she said that, though.

[crickets chirp, followed by a record scratching]

Homestar Runner:
Ummm... trick or treat!

Homestar Runner:
[if the player of "The House that Gave Sucky Treats" gives him spare change] Oh. A handful of change. I guess I can use this go, um, buy some candy. So... thank you for adding a step to my Halloween process!

[Homestar has made Marzipan a veggieburger with olives for eyes. Marzipan has found the burger too cute to eat, so she has decided to keep it and name it Homestar Junior]

Marzipan:
Hey, guys! Homestar Junior's talking now!

Strong Bad:
Who?

Marzipan:
He said, "Put that freakin' sandwich down!"

Homestar Runner:
No, it was me!

Marzipan:
I know it was, sweetie!

Homestar Runner:
No, me! Homestar Runner!

Marzipan:
You're Homestar Junior, remember?

Homestar Runner:
Will you put that freakin' sandwich down!

Marzipan:
There, he said it again! I'm so proud of you! Who's the best, Homestar Junior!

[Marzipan continues to admire Homestar Junior]

Homestar Runner:
Somebody, can I get some help here? Strong Bad? Would you talk some sense into this woman? King, you wanna eat that sandwich? Somebody eat that sandwich.

Crackotage:
Movie night is my favorite night. I think it is my favorite night.

Silent Rip:
Are you even trying anymore?

[Blue Laser Commander and his minions are dressed up as giant pizza slices]

Blue Laser Minion:
Um, I'm not entirely sure this is what they were talking about, sir.

Blue Laser Commander:
Shut it! Pizza can't talk!

Silent Rip:
Aw, you can do it. Try another one.

Crackotage:
I think my rhymes are truly broke. Broke, broke, broke, broke, broke, broke, broke! [Crackotage laughs]

Strong Bad:
Hey, Dairy Queen.

Strong Sad:
I already told you, I don't want to be called that anymore! I made a mistake!

Strong Bad:
Oh. Sorry, Dairy Queen.

[repeated line]

Gunhaver:
Cheat Commandos... rock, rock on!

Gunhaver:
So then I grabbed the Blue Laser by his collar and said, "You better break yourself!"

[the other Commandos all laugh]

Reynold:
[coming in] Ha ha, yeah. That's like how I labeled and alphabetized all you guys' combat accessories so it'll save on valuable mission time. [He then shows off the Cheat Commandos' combat accessories labeled and in alphabetical order] Kicka click-click, boo-ya!

[the Commandos all collectively groan]

[the Cheat Commandos and Blue Laser are at the Price Style store]

Fightgar:
[disguised as an elderly woman; to a Blue Laser minion] Hey, could you reach that tub of Old Lady Rub for me, young man? 'Cause I'm an old lady.

Blue Laser Minion:
I never doubted that you were a lady, sir... ma'am.

Blue Laser Commander:
Alright, grandma, make it quick.

Fightgar:
I was just wonderin' if you kind sonnies knew anything about makin' snow at the beach.

Blue Laser Commander:
No, but I know how to end awkward conversations with the elderly!

[He turns to his minions]

Blue Laser Commander:
Let's go check out.

[Homestar Runner and Pom Pom are at a restaurant called Marshmallow's Last Stand eating marshmallows, when Strong Bad and Strong Mad walk in]

Strong Bad:
Oh, look at the babies, eating their marshmallows.

Homestar Runner:
Uh-oh, it's the Brothers Strong, Strong Bad and Strong Mad!

Strong Bad:
You better believe it, man. We're the greatest tag-team wrestlers in the world. [Strong Mad nods]

Homestar Runner:
That's great, Strong Bad. Have a good time.

Strong Bad:
No, you morones. We're challenging you to the tag-team match.

Homestar Runner:
Hmm... no thanks.

[Strong Bad and Strong Mad get infuriated]

Strong Bad:
[snatching Homestar's star off his shirt] Hey, you, gimme this!

Homestar Runner:
Hey, gimme back my star!

Strong Bad:
Of course. But first, you'll have to beat us in the ring!

Homestar Runner:
What do you say, Pom Pom, old friend? [Pom Pom bubbles in response; Homestar then turns back to Strong Bad] You're on!

[Strong Bad walks in on Strong Sad sitting on the couch watching TV]

Strong Bad:
Look, I just thought you should know that all your underwears somehow ended up individually priced and labeled in an online auction.

Strong Sad:
[running off] Nobody buy the blue ones!

Strong Bad:
That was too easy. [he then takes Strong Sad's place on the couch and changes the TV channel to a different channel] Now to settle down for the 24-hour Caleb Rentpayer marathon!

Tucksworth:
[on the TV] Caleb, were you making a little tent out of my jacket?

Caleb Rentpayer:
[on the TV] I am now.

Strong Bad:
Yeah, you make that little tent, Caleb! He's not the boss of you!

[Homestar walks up to Bubs' Concession Stand, where Bubs is looking more depressed than usual. Three cans of yellow paint are on the counter next to him]

Homestar Runner:
Say there, old Bubs. I need three cans of yellow paint and one pair of cool shades.

Bubs:
Sorry, customer, I'm closed.

Homestar Runner:
[perplexed] But you're standing right there. And I see the yellow paint right next to you.

Bubs:
But I'm closed. Cutbacks, layoffs, downsizing, you know the drill.

Homestar Runner:
[looking around] Hey, Bubs, can you steal three cans of yellow paint for me?

Bubs:
[cheering up] I never pass up a chance to stick it to the man! Here ya go! [He gives Homestar the three cans of paint; he then talks in a whisper] I slipped the cool shades in the can number two.

Homestar Runner:
[picking up the cans and leaving] Thanks, Bubs. Power to the people!

Bubs:
I heard that!

[a commercial is shown, starting with a balding man]

Announcer:
[to the man] Say there, husband of the year, what're you doing just sitting around?

[the man lets out a long, loud sigh]

Announcer:
When you could be sitting huge savings at the Senorial Day Tent Supra Sale!

[those last six words are displayed on the screen and the man smiles. The camera then cuts to Senor Cardgage]

Senor Cardgage:
Gamble around the campfire, children! It's Senor Cardgage with that Senorial Day Tent thing that guy talked about. It won't be here forever. [He indicates a red wagon filled with pancakes next to him] So come see me and this little dog for vera low prices!

Announcer:
2005! 2004! 1999!

Senor Cardgage:
Those were all good years. Don't let another minute go you by.

[Trogdor just celebrated his third birthday and Stinkoman is not amused]

Stinkoman:
Hey! My birthday was *last* week! I don't see anyone making any Stinkoman-shaped pancakes. [suddenly, he hears thumping coming toward him] Who? Huh? What?

[he sees two clawed legs before him]

Stinkoman:
What is that?

[he sees to whom the legs belong:
a 20X6 version of Trogdor]

Stinkoman:
WAAH! Trogador! [Trogador roars and Stinkoman runs off, Trogador giving chase]

Stinkoman:
[to Trogador] Is this your crazy, mixed-up way of asking me for some type of BIRTHDAY CHALLENGE?

[Homestar is trying to find a stirring utensil with which to stir Marzipan's Halloween potion. He runs into Bubs standing next to a cart full of objects used as stirring utensil]

Homestar Runner:
Hey, Bubs! Fancy running into you in the middle of the spooky woods selling stirring utensils.

Bubs:
It's a niche market.

Homestar Runner:
So, what kind of concoctions might one stir with your wares?

Bubs:
Well, a little eye of newt, some toe of frog, baby, you got a witches' brew goin'!

Homestar Runner:
Hey, that's my line. So, how do I score one of those jobbies?

Bubs:
Oh, they're free, but you got to *earn* 'em.

Homestar Runner:
Uh, that doesn't sound free at all.

Bubs:
Well, you just gotta *earn* 'em.

Homestar Runner:
How should I do that?

[He decides to do a Reagan impression]

Homestar Runner:
[leaning over; low voice] Well... well... Nancy and I... economics... well... rap music... jellybeans... well... we... probably had a... pet...

Bubs:
That's the worst Ronald Reagan impression I've ever heard!

Homestar Runner:
*Ronald* Reagan? I was doing my Keanu Reagan!

Bubs:
[handing Homestar an old toilet brush] Just take this terlet brush and get out of here!

[Strong Sad arrives at the House That Gave Sucky Treats dressed up as Andy Warhol]

Strong Sad:
Trick or treat, I guess.

[the player gives him a can of Campbell's soup]

Strong Sad:
Oh. While I do appreciate the relevance of this, given my costume, I was kind of hoping for something that I wouldn't have to prepare. You know, like Necco Wafers or baking chocolate...

[Strong Sad and Homsar are playing Connect Four and Strong Sad takes his turn]

Strong Sad:
[to Homsar] Okay, your turn.

Homsar:
Oh, no! You shanked my Jengaship!

Strong Sad:
I shanked your Jengaship? We're playing Connect Four.

Homsar:
Let's sing a song of Pennzoil!

[Coach Z comes to The House That Gave Sucky Treats dressed as Humpty Hump]

Coach Z:
[rapping] Doot-doo-doot-doo, and I'll drink up all the Hennessy you got on your shelf, but first let me introduce myself. My name is Coach Z. Pronounced with an "oach Z."

[the player gives him Boston Baked Beans]

Coach Z:
You know, I once knew a fellow in Boston 'could tell you the time of the day at any time of the day. You'd say, "Say there, Boston, what's the time of day?" And he'd say, "10:30." And you'd look at him and say, "But Boston, it's half past noon." And he'd look back at you and say, "Well, those are the breaks."

[Strong Bad comments on a picture of three people standing in a living room, dressed as Homestar, Strong Bad and Strong Sad, respectively]

Strong Bad:
[voiceover; as a product announcer] Barrel-chested Homestar comes with everything you see here. Paper-boxing-gloves Strong Bad not included. Dumpy Robert Smith action figure sold separately. Cozy Americana country decor available at fine stores everywhere.

[the characters are celebrating Halloween with a festival for the occasion. Strong Sad is doing Halloween-themed haiku]

Strong Sad:
[reciting a haiku] This night, black as pitch. Doom from inside me wells up. Pray I don't get egged.

[Strong Bad and his posse walk up. The Cheat is hiccuping]

Strong Bad:
I don't know or care what a hai-oo-ku is, but we need to scare The Cheat.

Strong Sad:
Ooh, I got just the thing. [he recites another haiku] Rapping at the door. Fills up ag?d pillow case. So sick of Smarties.

Strong Bad:
Oh, I get it. Let me try one. [he does a haiku of his own] A butt for a face. Little brother: dork, dork, dork. Stay out of my room. [the Cheat hiccups again] Sorry, The Cheat. Looks like we gotta find some other way to scare the ever-loving hiccups out of you.

Strong Sad:
You don't *scare* the hiccups out of somebody. You gotta *laugh* them out.

Strong Bad:
Whoa, that sounds like a segue.

Homestar Runner:
[dressed as Carl Spackler] I think I'm dressed up as some kind of a golf cart. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Cheerleader:
That stupid wheelchair kid asked me to the Friday night dance, but I'm going with Steven!

[Eh! Steve comes up, dressed as a football player]

Cheerleader:
Hey, Steven!

Eh! Steve:
Eh! Steve!

The Wheelchair:
I'll teach you to steal my date, Eh! Steve! I'm gonna come out of my shell at the Friday night dance and show everybody who's whoooo!

Arrow'd Guy:
[dressed as a fairy, turning the Wheelchair into a more realistic wheelchair drawing] GOOD DRAWING'D!

The Wheelchair:
I'm a real boy!

Strong Bad:
It's over!

[Strong Bad is commentating on pictures of people dressed as Homestar characters and he sees one of a chocolate Labrador dressed as Homestar]

Strong Bad:
[voiceover] Oh! That is animal cruelty. Could that dog possibly be more miserable? I bet if old Rover left some sweet spots on that carpet they'd take him out of that ridiculous get-up. Come on, boy, leave a sweet spot! Just a little sweet spot!

Cheerleader:
[to the Teen Girl Squad] Okay, my gallies, listen up! We have to draw names for secret Decemberween gift exchange.

So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One:
[in unison] FUNTIME!

Cheerleader:
Okay, chill. I put each of our names into this lion's mouth.

[she shows to the girls a lion]

Cheerleader:
What's Her Face, you choose first.

What's Her Face:
I'm... hesitant.

Cheerleader:
Fine then, you won't get any presents.

The Ugly One:
[crazed] I WANT PRESENTS! I WANT PRESENTS! CANNONBALL!

[she jumps into the lion's mouth]

Strong Bad:
[the lion eats The Ugly One] CHOMP!

[a gallery of three judges is shown, all holding up the number 2]

Strong Bad:
TWO'D!

Strong Bad:
[dressed as the Joker] Hello, kiddies, a-meet the Joker!

Homestar Runner:
[to The Cheat, who is dressed as Sigmund from "Sigmund and the Sea Monsters"] Oh, man, The Cheat! Your pile-of-leaves costume is so adorable. It's adorable.

Coach Z:
[to Pom Pom, who is dressed as The Big Boy of his namesake's restaurant chain] So, Big Boy, eh, Pom Pom? I was gonna go as Andr? 3000 myself.

[Coach Z and Bubs are sitting in lawn chairs at night, waiting for a fireworks show to start]

Coach Z:
[to Bubs] Nah, I tell ya's, I once shoved an M-80 up my nose just to impress the lady-types.

Bubs:
Aw, that's nothin'. I once ate an entire bowl of M-200s at my family reunion.

Coach Z:
Oh, yeah? Well, I married an M-300...

Bubs:
They don't make a 300.

Coach Z:
Oh, 250?

Bubs:
No!

Coach Z:
Elephant?

Bubs:
Hup-bup-bup-bup!

Homestar Runner:
[as everyone stands in the spooky woods on Halloween Night] Hey, Bubs, I like your Lando Calrissian outfit.

Bubs:
[actually dressed as Apollo Creed] What are you talking about? I'm the master of disaster!

Homestar Runner:
Uh-oh. Poopsmith, get ready...

Strong Bad:
[to Bubs, who is dressed as one of the Three Most Important People In the World] So Bubs, your approach this year was to ensure that absolutely no one recognized your costume?

Bubs:
You got it.

Strong Bad:
[to Coach Z, whose Halloween costume is Theo Huxtable] So Coach, how come you weren't a rapper this year?

Coach Z:
But I am! Theo Huxtable is one of the greatest rappers of our time! [He does a rap movement by bobbing his arms and head] Jammin' on the one! Jammin' on the one! J-J-Jammin' on the one! Jammin' on the one!

Homestar Runner:
[to Coach Z, who is dressed as Kool Moe Dee] Hey, Coach Z, I really like your Wesley Snakes outfit.

Coach Z:
I'm Kool Moe Dee! You know, from the Treacherous Three?

Homestar Runner:
Oh, see, I only saw "The Treacherous 1" and "2", so, uh, I wouldn't know.

[Homestar and Pom Pom investigate the disappearance of the King of Town's sheep, which the king suspects were eaten by a dragon]

Homestar Runner:
I have found that the sheep were not eaten by a dragon.

The King of Town:
Phew.

Homestar Runner:
But they *were* eaten!

The King of Town:
Oh, no! What could've done such a thing?

Homestar Runner:
Why don't you ask yourself, King?

The King of Town:
Oh, yeah... They were delicious. [He burps]

[Marzipan opens her Decemberween present from Coach Z:
a Coach Z scratch-and-sniff calendar]

Marzipan:
Coach Z, this is nasty.

Coach Z:
That's okay. Smell October.

[Bubs and Coach Z arrive at the House That Gave Sucky Treats dressed as Mel Sharples and Kool Moe Dee, respectively]

Bubs:
What the...? Oh, I remember this house from a couple of years ago.

Coach Z:
Track or trort!

Bubs:
Come on, man!

Coach Z:
Okay, trick or treat.

[the player gives them Swedish Fish]

Coach Z:
Oh, the Swordish Forsh!

Bubs:
What did I just tell you?

Coach Z:
Cut me some slack. It's a crowd-pleaser.

[Strong Bad and The Cheat have been caught trying to rob from Bubs' Concession Stand and are arrested and jailed]

Strong Sad:
[writing a letter] Dear Prisoner Number 5408, AKA Strong Bad, AKA Professor Tor Cool Guy, I can only hope your incarceration has turned your life around as much as it has mine. I feel cooler and less like I suck so bad. I've made some changes around the house. Your computer room is now my Tai Chi space.

[Strong Sad performs his tai chi]

Strong Sad:
Hai-toh, beng, gait! [he then resumes writing his letter] Well, I gotta go. Marzipan and I have a baklava in the oven. Hoping you don't get shivved, Strong Sad.

Saddy Dumpington:
[to a squirrel, cheerfully] Oh, I eat squirrels all the time. I just made soup out of the rest of your family just last night! Isn't that great?

Strong Bad:
[dressed as Carmen Miranda for Halloween; to Strong Mad and The Cheat] You know, I think it turned out pretty good. I mean, Mom helped me do the fruit, and I did the sewing...

Homestar Runner:
[walking past them] Hey, looking good, Strong Bad! The Chiquita Banana lady; that's great!

Strong Bad:
[frustrated] Oh, Chiquita Ba... For the last time, I'm Carmen freakin' Miranda!

Homestar Runner:
[to Strong Bad, who is dressed as Ozone for Halloween] Hey, Strong Bad, I really like your El DeBarge costume.

Strong Bad:
I'm not El DeBarge.

Bubs:
No, no, he's Miami Sound Machine.

Strong Bad:
No, I'm not.

Coach Z:
He's Terrence Trent D'Arby!

Strong Bad:
[frustrated] No, I'm Carmen freakin' Mi... [stops suddenly; calms down] No, wait. I'm Ozone from "Breakin'".

[Coach Z and Strong Sad are standing next to a rope in the middle of a field]

Coach Z:
Come on, Strong Sad, I knows you can do it! Just cram a little oompah down your pants and you'll be up that rope in no time!

Strong Sad:
Look, I'm willing to ignore that "oompah down my pants" comment, but I'm more concerned with what that rope is attached to.

Coach Z:
Never you mind! Just get to climbin'.

Strong Sad:
Coach Z, ropes are for dopes.

Coach Z:
What's that jargle? Scripture? You quotin' Scripture?

Strong Sad:
No, it's a quote from Saddy Dumpington, the legendary folk hero I made up.

Coach Z:
Sounds kinda like a terlet if you ask me.

[the Cheat has gotten the hiccups on Halloween and Strong Bad tries to cure them. They go to Coach Z's locker room, which has been haunted for the occasion]

Strong Bad:
You scared yet, The Cheat? [he looks at a drippy, green-tinged towel hanging from one of the lockers] What about that drippy towel over there? That's pretty scary, huh? [the Cheat hiccups as Strong Bad feigns being scared] Oh, no! Please don't drip on me! You smell like shin guards! [the Cheat hiccups again as Coach Z then pops out]

Coach Z:
Crackity towel! Tommy John surgery!

Strong Bad:
Coach, we're trying to scare the hiccups out of The Cheat. You got anything that's not just gross and moist?

Coach Z:
[holding up some Blue Star Ointment; scary voice] What could be scarier than Blue Star Ointment? [He makes scary wailing sounds]

Strong Bad:
All right, this has gone from weird and kinda gross to a serious health risk. Let's bolt. [Strong Bad and The Cheat leave]

Coach Z:
Hey! You guys didn't even get your candy outta the terlet there!

[Homestar is trying to find a powder ingredient for Marzipan's Halloween potion. He runs into the King of Town and the Poopsmith digging holes]

Homestar Runner:
Oh! Whaddaya know? How ya diggin'?

The King of Town:
Oh! We're certainly not trying to unearth the ham sandwich that I buried here when I was nine.

Homestar Runner:
Good, 'cause I found that thing like two months ago. It wasn't that good. Too much mayo.

The King of Town:
Too much mayo? I *love* too much mayo! [Homestar is then prompted to ask the two for a powder item]

Homestar Runner:
Hey, I've got it! I'll give you a detailed account of the consumption of your ham sammie if you give me a powdered item for this potion-ma-jig!

The King of Town:
Sweet deal! [he holds a small bag of powder] Take some of this powdered Thanksgiving. Now let's hear it!

Homestar Runner:
Okay, so first I washed all the dirt off with some Windex. That made it blue and soggy... [the scene fades out as Homestar speaks and then fades back in with the king looking sad]... and that last bite nearly made me puke it right back on my plate! [Homestar walks off, taking the powder with him as he goes]

The King of Town:
Oh, I wish you had. I surely wish you had!

[the King of Town comes to The House That Gave Sucky Treats dressed as Hagar the Horrible]

The King of Town:
Trick or treat, I'm horrible!

Strong Bad:
[behind him] You got that right. [the player gives the king a stick of butter]

The King of Town:
Ooh, a stick of butter! [he noisily scarfs the butter down, then speaks with the butter still in his mouth] Trick or treat. Again, please?

Homsar:
[dressed as Kumar from "Bottle Rocket"] I blew it, man! I lose my touch.

Homestar Runner:
[catching a bug in his mouth as he runs along; panicked] Agh! I swallowed a bug! Bug swallow! Bug swallow! What do I do? What do I do? [calmer] Okay, okay, calm down. Calm down. Remember health class. [he clears his throat and talks slowly and deliberately] Sir or madam, are you all right? Do you need medical resistance? [he becomes anguished] Oh, it's not working! The good times are over!

[One of the floats in the 4Tst Annual Fall Float Parade is a fall-unrelated one involving Strong Bad bashing Strong Sad, who is trapped inside a snowman, with nunchucks]

Strong Sad:
Strong Bad, I thought you said our float was going to be celebrating our nation's covered bridges.

Strong Bad:
No, I said our float was going to be sticking you in a snowman and beating you senseless with nunchucks... covered bridges.

Strong Sad:
Well, how on earth did I misunderstand all that?

Strong Bad:
I don't know, man. You hear the words "covered bridges" and you just go into a trance.

Strong Sad:
[going into a trance] Ohhh, covered bridges...

[he snaps out of the trance, however, as Strong Bad resumes his beating him]

The King of Town:
[to Pom Pom, as they eat ice cream bars] I keep telling him the sun don't rise and set on that pile of whatsit, but he don't want to listen. [Pom Pom bubbles; Homestar runs up]

Homestar Runner:
Pom Pom! Santa! I think I swallowed a bug! The good times are over! You gotta help me out! I could die!

The King of Town:
Well, what do you want we should do?

Homestar Runner:
Gimme them dang ice creams! [he grabs the ice cream bars] We'll freeze him out! [he scarfs down the ice cream quickly]

The King of Town:
No! That stuff's prescription!

Homestar Runner:
[crying] Oh-ho-ho, it deliciously didn't work! [he runs off, sobbing, while Pom Pom and the king look annoyed]

[the Poopsmith has been kidnapped by Strong Bad and The Cheat and Homestar and Pom Pom are on the search]

Homestar Runner:
[he and Pom Pom both hold flashlights] All right, Pom Pom, the Poopsmith is missing and we gots to find him. We're your first and last line of defense! Only you can prevent scouting! Boy, do we need forest fires!

[he suddenly shines the light in Pom Pom's face]

Homestar Runner:
Aha! Pom Pom! What're you doing out past curfew? [Pom Pom bubbles in surprise] Don't play games with me, roundy-man! Just who are you working with? [Pom Pom bubbles] Homestar Runner, eh? Sounds like a no-goodnik to me! [Homestar clicks the flashlight on and off in Pom Pom's face, who bubbles in irritation; Homestar sniffs him] Pom Pom, did you step in something?

Strong Mad:
[holding a football and watching TV] TAKE IT TO THE HOUSE! TAKE IT TO THE HOUSE! [Strong Bad walks up, his eyes squinting as if half-asleep]

Strong Bad:
Uh, hey, tough skins. Uh, the game's been over for about six hours now.

Man on TV:
Set it and forget it.

Strong Mad:
[tossing Strong Bad the football] TAKE IT TO THE HOUSE!

Strong Bad:
Yeah... Yeah, okay... I'll, um... I'll take this to the house. [he walks off as Homestar walks up, wearing a Boston Bruins jersey]

Homestar Runner:
[seeing the TV] Wow. That guy's really taking it to the house.

Man on TV:
Set it and forget it.

Homestar Runner:
Ladies and gentlemen! Or... gentlemen and, like, two ladies! Welcome to the 2006 Flashback show!

Strong Bad:
Whoa, we're doing a flashback show?

Homestar Runner:
Um, I guess so.

Strong Bad:
Awesome! I love a good cop-out!

The King of Town:
King of Town! Hooray!

Homestar Runner:
[Bubs is dressed as Mel Sharples for Halloween] Say, Bubs, I really like your dirty man outfit.

Bubs:
Whatever you say, Homestar.

Homestar Runner:
[Marzipan is dressed as the Log Lady for Halloween] Hey, Marzipan, what's with your sweater costume?

Strong Bad:
The Log Lady, huh? Maybe you should get together with the Poopsmith!

Blue Laser Commander:
At last, I can relax in my ancient, secret, summer temple getaway. [the doorbell rings] Bonus! My pizza's here.

[he answers the door, only to find the Cheat Commandos, all leveling their guns at him]

Gunhaver:
Sorry, Blue Laser. The only 'za you'll be eating is a deep-dish justice pie with extra sausage and sun-dried freedom!

Blue Laser Commander:
Uh, wait, does that mean you're giving me freedom?

Gunhaver:
Um... get him, boys! [Blue Laser Commander runs off, screaming, the Commandos in hot pursuit]

Homestar Runner:
[the Cheat is dressed up as Izzy, mascot of the 1996 Summer Olympics, for Halloween] Hey, The Cheat, um... dress up as something different next year. Thing's creeping me out.

[the King of Town is trying to operate a broken computer, but nothing happens]

The King of Town:
Umm, how do you make this thing go? I want to check all my emails. Anybody? The Poopsmith? That little chef guy? I need some help here! This is the last time I buy a used computer from Bubs.

Blue Laser Commander:
Why did I put so many booby traps in my own summer getaway?

[Strong Bad does a commentary on Homestar character costumes fans made and he sees someone dressed up as Strong Bad watching a Strong Bad Email on a computer]

Strong Bad:
[narrating] "Dear Strong Bad, how do you type with pieces of crappy red foam taped around your hands? Sincerely, Dress-Up Donny." Come on, man. Gimme a little effort here. The gloves. Get some real gloves.

[Strong Bad comments on a picture of a model of Trogdor flanked by people and carved pumpkins for Halloween]

Strong Bad:
[narrating] Well, something's gone horribly wrong here, 'cause, uh... these guys either let Trogdor's beefy arm atrophy, or... turned it into a buffalo wing.

[Homestar is trying to find an essence ingredient for Marzipan's Halloween potion. He runs into Strong Bad, Strong Mad and The Cheat at the edge of a cliff, littered with broken TVs that they throw off]

Homestar Runner:
Whoa, this is a cool new background.

Strong Bad:
Yeah. We were just burying our problems in the spooky woods when we found this creepy cliff. It's perfect for the chucking off of busted old TVs.

Homestar Runner:
Essence of busted old TVs? 'Cause I got a serious jones.

Strong Bad:
Uh, I think these TVs lost their essence in the '70s. What're you doing up here anyways?

[Homestar is then prompted to ask the three for an essence item]

Homestar Runner:
I'm trying to ruin Marzipan's Halloween potion. Got any leads?

Strong Bad:
That's a worthy cause if ever there was one. How about this essence of putting Strong Mad's hand in warm water while he's asleep?

Strong Mad:
MY SECRET SHAME!

[the Cheat tosses the essence off the edge of the cliff; Homestar runs to the edge and jumps off]

Homestar Runner:
Thanks a lot, you guuuuuys!

[Strong Bad comments on a picture of a pumpkin with Strong Sad's face painted on it]

Strong Bad:
Ah, nothing brightens up a room quite like Strong Sad's severed head.

The King of Town:
[dressed as the Hamburglar for Halloween] I'm dressed to hamburgle! Robble, robble!

Homestar Runner:
[the characters all about to go trick-or-treating on Halloween] I bet I get a million pounds of candy this year. A million pounds!

Bubs:
Whatever. I'm going for quality over quantity.

Coach Z:
Same here, Bubsy. I'm holding out for cookies with gold-plated chocolate chorps! [Bubs sighs]

Homestar Runner:
We'll see about that. [to Pom Pom] Come on, Pom Pom, let's go find some houses giving away lead candies! [Homestar and Pom Pom walk off]

[Homestar, holding a cardboard cutout of Marzipan, walks up to Bubs and Coach Z, who are waiting to watch a fireworks show]

Homestar Runner:
Hey, guys! Happy Fireworks!

[puppets the cardboard cutout of Marzipan to make her talk]

Homestar Runner:
[trying to sound like Marzipan] Homestar, that's not what the holiday's called.

Bubs:
Marzipan's still out of town for the summer, eh, Homestar?

Homestar Runner:
No, what're you talking about?

[again puppets the cardboard cutout of Marzipan, trying to talk like her]

Homestar Runner:
Yes, I'm still out of town, Bubs, you gorgeous hunk of man.

Bubs:
[blushing] Oh, why, thank you, cardboard Marzipan.

Coach Z:
Hey, cardboard Marzi! Uh, you want in some of this action?

Homestar Runner:
[still puppeting the Marzipan cutout and talking like her] No, you're disgusting.

Homestar Runner:
[with a present] Oh, wow, a present! [unwraps it, revealing a Santa Claus doll; disappointed] Oh. A little Santaman. Booooo! [speaking sarcastically as the doll dances in front of him] What a blast. Boy, we're having fun now. [makes kung-fu poses and noises in front of the doll] Aww, get fun! [the doll slowly walks along] Hey, you wanna race? Ready... GO! [he runs past the doll with little competition]

[Bubs is doing a commercial for Bubsotathon for Senorial Day]

Bubs:
Hey there, every peoples! Come check out my circumstance this Senorial Day Weekend for Bubsotathon! [Homestar stands nearby, throwing confetti and making fireworks noises]

Homestar Runner:
Explosions! Fireworks!

Bubs:
[holding up a tire and a boot] We're so *tired* of low savings, we're givin' 'em this boot! [tosses both things behind a fence behind him] Would I lie to my own flesh and blood?

Homestar Runner:
That's right, Bubba daddy.