Homestarrunner.com: Everything Else, Volume 3

Homestar Runner:
Everybody loves the me! I'm a terrific athlete!

Strong Bad:
Oh look, The Cheat! If it isn't the big, fat, yellow blob and Pom Pom!

Homestar Runner:
Hey! No, wait. Hey! No, wait. Hey! Wait.

Strong Bad:
Lemme break it down for you like this: I am the very strongest. While on the other hand, inversely, you guys are not very strong!

[Pom Pom makes angry bubbling noises. Strong Bad and Homestar look shocked]

Homestar Runner:
Whoa, Pom Pom! Let's tone down the language before the contest, huh?

Homestar Runner:
Whoa-ho, Marzipan! You look like a fox's mother!

Marzipan:
Homestar, if you're trying to say I'm a foxy mama, that's actually more offensive.

Homestar Runner:
Right, you know what I mean. The more offensive one.

[a tired Homestar in his pajamas walks in a post-vacation return party everyone attends after going off on different vacations]

Homestar Runner:
[yawns] What's up, my brothers? Let no one say the Homestar Runner don't know how to nap. What is it, like mid-May or something?

Strong Bad:
Uh, try "early July."

Homestar Runner:
[screams] I slept through June!

Strong Bad:
Yup.

[Homestar and Strong Bad are distraught to learn that Marzipan and The Cheat are dating each other]

Homestar Runner:
Oh, man. Seriously, Strong Strong, we've gotta do something about this.

Strong Bad:
Well, ordinarily, I just drown my sorrows in video games. But for this, maybe I should drown them in... drowning *them*.

Homestar Runner:
Uh, maybe let's not kill anybody. We should just try and ruin their date.

Strong Bad:
Explain to me how drowning them wouldn't ruin their date.

Homestar Runner:
Mainly, I just want to keep them from making out.

Strong Bad:
[rubbing his arms] Ewww! The disgust! It won't wash off!

Gunhaver:
[to the Cheat Commandos] Cheat Commandos... riggidy-roll!

Silent Rip:
Uh, that's not what we usually say...

Gunhaver:
Yeah, whatever, it's "riggidy-roll" from now on.

[Strong Bad does a commentary on Homestar Runner characters costumes fans made and he sees one of a man dressed as Homestar standing in a foyer of a building]

Strong Bad:
[narrating] Why do I get the sinking feeling that no one else was present when this photograph was taken? And that the camera's just sitting on a nearby trash can. And that guy accidentally set the timer for three minutes instead of ten seconds, and he sat there and waited the whole time for the picture to take. And after it did, he went back upstairs to his dorm room, and went to bed. I mean, and wet the bed.

Marzipan:
[greeting on her Answering Machine] Hi, this is Marzipan. I'm probably outside eating some dirt or something. So just leave me a message.

[Homestar leaves a message by calling with a bananna]

Homestar Runner:
Oh hey Marzipan, it's Homestar. Check it out, I'm on Pom Pom's cell phone, I'm gonna send you a text message. Are you ready? Here goes... P... L... Z... Spacebar... G... E... T... Spacebar... E... G... G... S... Spacebar, oh! Backspacebar, comma, M... I... L... K... Question mark? Okay, now I have to send it. Boo boo doot! This is great, now we don't have to talk anymore! Bye!

Homestar Runner:
[leaving a message on Marzipan's answering machine] Hey, Marzipan, it's Homestar... and, um... crap. What was I calling you for? I was gonna ask you something... about... something. Aw, never mind. If I think of it, I'll call you back. Now give me that beep!

Homestar Runner:
[leaving a message on Marzipan's answering machine] Hey Marzipan, I remembered what it was! I'm actively sinking in quicksand! So, if you have any vines or roots that you can toss my way, I would be really, really still alive. Now bring that beep back!

[Strong Bad and his posse are in a fast food restaurant, where The Cheat has stuffed himself full of French fries that can be seen in his mouth]

The Cheat:
[whimpering The Cheat noises]

Strong Bad:
C'mon, The Cheat! You can do one more! Just one more! Oh, have you heard the latest news? I heard the latest news, it was that you could do one more! One more!

The Cheat:
[whimpering The Cheat noises as he spits a few fries on the table]

Strong Bad:
Strong Mad, tell your girlfriend to do one more.

Strong Mad:
SHE'S GONNA BLOW! [Homestar approaches, dressed as a waiter]

Homestar Runner:
And can I get you gentlemen anything else? [Homestar holds up a big shoe, out of which rises a flower] Bling!

[it's supposed to be Halloween Night, but it's daytime out and everyone is trying to find the darkness]

Homestar Runner:
Halloween Night! Come here, boy!

[he whistles and pulls out an old squeaky chew toy, which he squeezes]

Homestar Runner:
I got this spooky, yucky chew toy for ya!

[he whistles again, while Strong Sad and Pom Pom appear behind him]

Strong Sad:
Homestar, you are aware that Halloween Night is not a puppy, aren't you?

Homestar Runner:
[laughing] Yes. Obviously... I am... aware... that it is not... What was that last part?

Strong Sad:
A puppy.

Homestar Runner:
...a puppy!

Strong Sad:
Okay, good. But seriously, we have to find Halloween Night.

[the sunlight shines down on Strong Sad menacingly, while he looks up at it]

Strong Sad:
I don't do so well with all this sunlight...

Homestar Runner:
Sit, Halloween Night, sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit, sit-sit!

[he whistles while Strong Sad and Pom Pom back away and then run off]

[the Teen Girl Squad are at summer camp. They sing a campfire song around a campfire. Their counselor plays a guitar while they sing]

Teen Girl Squad:
[singing] And the chumbly wumbly bear came a-tumblin' down.

What's Her Face:
Did he sell beans?

The Ugly One:
Lord, no!

What's Her Face:
Did he sell eggs?

The Ugly One:
Lord, no!

Teen Girl Squad:
[singing] But he couldn't and he wouldn't and he shouldn't so he stapled it down!

Homestar Runner:
[as everyone stands in the field on Halloween Night, even though it's daytime] Strong Bad, that's the best "evil Carmen Sandiego" costume I've ever seen.

Strong Bad:
[who is really dressed as Father Guido Sarducci] If I wasn't dressed up as a pretend priest-comedian, I'd beat the crap outta you right now.

[Strong Sad attempts to solve the mystery of some DNA evidence and is interviewing various people about it]

Marzipan:
Well, it all started several weeks ago. I came home from my toga-yoga class to find that my house had been broken into and that the culprit had left behind some DNA evidence.

Strong Sad:
What was it? Hair particles? Skin flakes? Blood crispies?

Marzipan:
No, it was a little test tube just full of green DNA evidence.

Strong Sad:
Oh. Just like in the movies.

Marzipan:
So I immediately took it to Bubs to be analyzed and *this*... [she holds up a test tube full of purple liquid that had been supposedly tampered with]... is all I got back.

Strong Bad:
[writing a letter for Decemberween] Dear Tube Socks, it's me again. I hope you had a good year. Free of athletes' feet and toe jams. Lemme cut to the chase. On Decemberween morning, when I open you guys up, you're going to hear... things. Hurtful things. Unforgivable things. Things like, "Uhh!" and "Oh, man!" and "This present of tube socks totally sucks and I hate it!" Don't you believe a word of it, Tube Socks. I love you guys. I don't know what I'd do without my yearly pair. But a guy's gotta keep up appearances, right? If peoples found out I have a soft spot for tube socks, it'd be all over. It took me years to live down that Martina Navratilova poster, and I will not go down that road again. We can be secret friends. Like that hunchback kid at school. In closing, please disregard any and all negative comments or negative burning you may hear or experience on Decemberween. Stealthily Yours, Strong Bad.

[the gang continues to find Halloween Night, especially after the newspaper headlines its disappearance, which Strong Bad reads]

Strong Bad:
[to Strong Mad and The Cheat] This is bull-talk! How're we supposed to scandalize and vandalize without the protective cover of Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Halloween Night?

The Cheat:
[questioning The Cheat noises]

Strong Bad:
I'm gonna go interrogate the toilet for about eight minutes; see if he knows anything. After that, we'll form into a giant, robotic Halloween Night-finding space panther!

[pause]

Strong Bad:
Or not.

Other Little Girl:
Homestar, you need classes. You don't go to school and you don't know anything.

Homestar Runner:
Well, you got to teach me then.

Other Little Girl:
I am.

Homestar Runner:
Okay, what are we going to learn today in school?

Other Little Girl:
[playing a toy keyboard; singing] You can never live in two places... 'cause there's only one of you.

Homestar Runner:
That's an amazing song.

[other Little Girl shows Homestar a map of America]

Other Little Girl:
This has to be held up really carefully. It's called the United States of America.

Homestar Runner:
Oh! What planet is it on?

Other Little Girl:
Uh, there's only one planet.

Homestar Runner:
There's only one planet now? What happened to the rest?

Other Little Girl:
Well, there's only one planet that has air.

Homestar Runner:
Oh!

[upset to learn that Marzipan is going on a date with The Cheat, Homestar chews her out for that]

Marzipan:
Look, Homestar, it's just a date. This has always been an open relationship.

Homestar Runner:
Whoa-ho-ho, says you. I've turned down more foxes' mothers than I can count just to stay loyal to you!

Marzipan:
[dryly] So, four, then?

Homestar Runner:
Oh, that's rich.

Strong Bad:
[leaving a message on Marzipan's answering machine] Hello, Marzipan, this is Lorenz... Magazine... Man, calling to tell you that your subscription to Soy... Bread... Tofu... Hybrid... Cars... Magazine is about to erupt! You need to evacuate! It's gonna blow sky high! Get out while you can! So what you gotta do is - and believe me, I'm Lorenz Magazine Man who are - who you're gonna trust - is bake all your money into a no-bake apple pie, and set it cooling on your windowsill. So that way, once the eruption is great, you can come home and eat pie and money! Because it's still going to be there, on your windowsill! Am I wr... am I wrong? Somebody, am I wrong? Everybody in here at the office with their headsets on said, "You're not wrong." So this is Lorenz... Magazine Man saying... the magma is seeping under the door.

Strong Bad:
[leaving a message on Marzipan's answering machine, sounding jerky, as though imitating a phone robot] Hello, Marzipan. This is Nadine Automated Menu Burger, calling from Trusted Financial Institution. To check on the status of an existing gigantic butt, please press or say "Gigantobutt" now. Or to place a new six-foot Italian sub in Strong Bad's hands, please hang up and do that mess right now. I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. I think you said, "Gigantobutt." If this is correct, please press or say, "Yes." I'm sorry, I think you said "Yes." If this is correct, please press or say "Total yes." I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Let's start again. To check on the status of an existing butt that's so big it has its own Congressman, please press or say...

[he gets cut off by the answering machine's beep]

[Strong Bad comments on a picture of someone dressed up as Strong Sad]

Strong Bad:
[voiceover] Oh, Strong Sad's lost a bunch of weight! And a bunch of thumbs! [the background of the picture changes to a weather map] And he's become a weatherman!

Strong Sad:
[voiceover] Today's forecast is partly gray with a forty percent chance of dark gray. Back to you, Strong Bad.

Strong Bad:
[voiceover] Yes, thank you. Tonight.

Blue Laser Commander:
[to one of his minions, holding up a plate of Thanksgiving food] I need you to take this plate of food, make a milkshake out of it, and spread it on Nana's gums for her!

Blue Laser Minion:
I'm going to go ahead and disobey a direct order, sir.

Blue Laser Commander:
Understandable!

[the Cheat and Marzipan are on a date together at a restaurant. Homestar walks up, dressed as a waiter]

Homestar Runner:
Ah, good evening, ungodly couple. My name is Waiter and I'll be your Homestar for this evening. Can I start you two off with a glass of "Breaking Up" or perhaps "Never Seeing Each Other Again" with capers?

The Cheat:
[angry The Cheat noises] [he raises his fist at Homestar threateningly]

Homestar Runner:
Why, yes, The Cheat, I would be comfortable with you cleaning my clock! Thanks for asking first.

The Cheat:
[angrier The Cheat noises] [he again raises his fist at Homestar again. Homestar screams and runs off, then pops back in a second later]

Homestar Runner:
Can I settle up with you guys? My shift's over.

The Cheat:
[more angry The Cheat noises] [again, he raises his fist and Homestar again runs off]

[a gingerbread Decemberween ornament of Homestar has a conversation with a homemade sequined ornament of Strong Bad]

Homestar Runner:
Hey, Strong Bad, I really like your rhinestone cowboy costume.

Strong Bad:
Uh, you got the wrong 'ween, Homestar. This is Decemberween. Not the Hallow- one.

Homestar Runner:
Oh. Right, right. Trick-or-treat!

[Strong Bad comments on a picture of someone dressed up as a smiling Strong Bad, sitting at an office cubicle]

Strong Bad:
[voiceover] What's this guy smilin' about? [He talks in a mocking voice] Oh, yeah. I just got promoted to the three-foot-wide cubicle. Now I can fit four to three post-its on my wall. Hey, Doogan, you stayin' after tonight for the LAN party?

[the Cheat and Marzipan are on a date together at a restaurant. Strong Bad walks up, dressed as an Italian chef and wearing a fake mustache]

Strong Bad:
[poor Italian accent] Oh-a, it's-a me-a, the chef-a! A-which-a one o' you guys ordered the smack in the face-a?

Marzipan:
[annoyed] I thought this was a *French* restaurant.

Strong Bad:
[normal voice] Oh. Ummm, uh... s-snails?

Marzipan:
C'mon, T.C., let's blow this marshmallow stand.

[Marzipan and The Cheat get up to leave the restaurant while Strong Bad watches them go]

Strong Bad:
Yeah, you know, I didn't really research this role... [his mustache falls off]

Strong Bad:
[to Strong Sad, who is dressed as Tony Clifton] That's a good costume, Strong Sad. What is that, you at your 20-year high school reunion?

Homestar Runner:
[to Marzipan, who is dressed as Frida Kahlo] Marzipan, I just love your "I-have-a-caterpillar-crawling-across-my forehead" costume. That's kind of a mustache... have... costume...

[Homestar and Pom Pom are at a bar, drinking cold ones]

Homestar Runner:
Seriously, Pom Pom, you and me, we're like two breads in a biscuit. Two breads in a biscuit. I'm gonna make a T-shirt! No, wait! [he examines a bowl of peanuts on the table] You and me, we're like this bowl of mayonnaise here. You're the bowl, 'cause you're a big, round, fat guy... [Pom Pom gets angry as if offended]... and I'm the mayonnaise, 'cause I'm smart as peanuts. That'll make a good T-shirt, too. Oop, no, wait, before you strangle me again, you and me? [he holds up a napkin] Soggy napkin. [Pom Pom looks unimpressed]

[Strong Bad is commentating on pictures of people dressed as Homestar characters and he sees one of a fluffy white puppy dressed as Homestar]

Strong Bad:
[voiceover] Oh! More animal cruelty. Take that lampshade off Mr. Poofers! Though I bet it does keep him from licking his own where-the-sun-don't-shine.

Homestar Runner:
[voiceover] Not necessarily...

Powered by The Cheat Homestar Runner:
Ooga ooga. My breath stinks.

Powered by The Cheat Marzipan:
Uh huh!

Powered by The Cheat Homestar Runner:
Real, real bad.

Powered by The Cheat Strong Bad:
Ooga. Me want set your face on fires.

Powered by The Cheat Homestar Runner:
What's fire?

Powered by The Cheat Marzipan:
It sounds fun.

[Strong Bad is commentating on people dressed as Homestar characters and he sees someone dressed as Homestar, with his face barely visible in the mouth of his Homsestar mask, and someone dressed as Mario in the background]

Strong Bad:
[voiceover] Guess a little chicken wire and papier-m?ch? goes not a very long, long way. Wait a minute. Homestar, who's that in your mouth? Did you eat Luigi?

Homestar Runner:
[voiceover] Yes, Strong Bad, I ate Luigi. He tasted like mushrooms.

[Homestar plans to build a deck with galvanized nails]

Coach Z:
Galvanized, you don't say.

Homestar Runner:
Yeah, it's pretty legit. I was thinking about writing a musical about it, too. Maybe call it, "My Good/Great Deck". I'll probably get Rappaport to star in it.

Coach Z:
What about me? I wanna be in your myorsical. I can be the orphan. [He dons a flat cap and then sings] Oh, where is my mudder-dee-doo?

Homestar Runner:
That's a good one, Coach. A really, really good one. Well, I better get back to work if I'm gonna build a deck in this cartoon. [He leaves]

Coach Z:
But what abrat my four Tony Awards?

Coach Z:
Hey, Marzipan, it's Coach Z! Just calling to remind yous that spring shin tryouts are just around the corner. Don't forget to bring your shin-guards and your shin-pads and your shin-protectors and your shin-rub. Uh, don't worry about shin-balls, we'll provide those, but this'll be your week to bring the shin-snack, so, you know, bring orange slices or some Cheetos or... pretty much anything orange works for a good shin-snack. And get ready to scrimmage our bitter rivals: Skins.

[It's Halloween Night, yet it's daytime. Marzipan is playing a reggae tune on her guitar when Coach Z approaches]

Coach Z:
Hey, whatcha doin' there, sista?

Marzipan:
I'm trying to attract Halloween Night with music. It loves reggae, you know.

Coach Z:
Good idea! And I can do some of my famous Halloween sound effects that everybody knows me for.

Marzipan:
Coach Z, I don't think that's what everybody knows you for.

Coach Z:
What're ya torkin' abort? Listen to this spooky owl. Hort. Hort-hort. Hort hort. Or get a load of these creepy crackets. Cracket, cracket-dadadadadadada. Cracket-dadadadada.

Marzipan:
[continuing to play her guitar] We be jammin'!

[Homestar had planned to build a deck, and Bubs notices a stack of wood for it and Homestar wearing a tool belt]

Bubs:
Now, what's all this about, Homestar?

Homestar Runner:
What, you didn't know? Yeah, I'm building me a deck. Using galvanized nails. That's right, that's right. I said I'm using galvani' nai'.

Bubs:
Galvanized nails, eh? Sounds legit. We can chill out on it and drink melonade all summer long.

Homestar Runner:
Yeah, melonade! We haven't talked about that much lately. Maybe we can eat some marshmallows, too.

Bubs:
And I like to dance!

[he dances a little]

Bubs:
Well, I'll let you get back to work. I'll swing by later on with a six-er of melonade.

Homestar Runner:
Make it a seven-er.

Bubs:
Aroo-got it.

[the Teen Girl Squad is preparing to go to summer camp]

Cheerleader:
[to the rest of the Squad] Don't look now, ladies, but... Camp Firstbasawassa's gonna be the bombier than ever now that they've installed...

Teen Girl Squad:
[in unison] Working toilet paper!

The Ugly One:
[nostalgically] I'm gonna miss the oak leaves.

So and So:
I can't go this year. [She sticks out her tongue, disgusted] Judith is making me get a summer job at Shirt Folding Store.

Cheerleader:
[to So and So] Your stepmom is the fascist.

[the girls say goodbye to So and So as they leave for camp]

Teen Girl Squad:
Bye! We'll try to miss you!

Marzipan:
[to Bubs, on what they did for the summer] So what did you do?

Bubs:
I drove my baloney sandwich truck down to the beach. [He is then shown on a very small desert island, where his baloney truck, which resembles an ice cream truck doesn't quite fit]

Bubs:
[yelling] BAH-loh-NEH! C'mon, people! C'mon, palm tree! I'm trying to sell a baloney sammich! [an Atari seagull flies past him, squawking as it passes]

Bubs:
[to the seagull, angrily] You shut your face! [Back to Bubs and Marzipan's conversation] I sold exactly zero baloney sandwiches.

Marzipan:
Well, that's great!

Bubs:
Yeah, it was pretty much my best summer ever.

Tompkins:
[to his mother as he plays his Game Boy] Aww, peas, Momkins. I don't need a babysitter. I can watch baby Timkins while you go out prospecting for future ex-husbands.

Momkins:
Whatevs, little man. You can't even take care of your own virtual pet.

Virtual Pet:
[on the Game Boy; really overfed] Please stop feeding me!

Tompkins:
[mashing his Game Boy buttons; laughing] Teh heh heh heh heh.

The Cheat:
[some The Cheat noises to Marzipan]

Marzipan:
That's so crazy! I've always wanted to see Ira Glass and Ira Flatow wrestle, too!

[Strong Sad continues to try and solve the mystery of some DNA evidence and interviews various people about it]

Bubs:
Well, it all started a few weeks ago. I just got finished teaching my toga-yoga class when old maid Marzipan shows up.

[Bubs is seen inside his concession stand when Marzipan walks up]

Marzipan:
[holding up the test tube of DNA] Hey, Bubs, can you analyze this for me?

Bubs:
Sure thing! But it's gonna cost you an arm and a leg!

Marzipan:
Not a problem.

[Cut back to Strong Sad interviewing Bubs]

Strong Sad:
So, what did you find out when you analyzed it?

Bubs:
Oh, that. Well, next thing I know, Strong Bad shows up.

[Cut to Strong Bad coming up to the stand]

Strong Bad:
Hey, Bubs. One green apple snow-cone, please.

Bubs:
Comin' right up! [Bubs looks for the liquid dispensers, but finds the green apple liquid empty. Hesitating, he pours the DNA onto a snow-cone instead]

Bubs:
[handing the snow-cone full of DNA to Strong Bad] Here ya go. One... cough, cough... green apple snow-cone.

[Cut back to Strong Sad interviewing Bubs]

Strong Sad:
You served the DNA in a snow-cone?

Bubs:
And it sold like hotcakes!

Bubs:
[to Marzipan] How was your vacation?

Marzipan:
It was toot-sweet! I took the Cool Tapes on a Midwestern tour of bead shops and topiary gardens. [cut to a scene of the band Cool Tapes, comprised of Marzipan, Strong Mad and The Cheat, playing a rock song in a topiary garden]

Marzipan:
[singing] Cool tapes are cool, and we're better than ever. Cool tapes are cool, 'cause we're light as a feather. Keep it down with that real cool flavor. Me and The Cheat and our bass player. Rockin' the spot. Yeah, we're rockin' the spot. [stops singing] Thanks, y'all! And don't forget we've got cool 7-inches for sale over at our merch table.

Homsar:
[running the merchandise table] I'm a little light in the leftovers! [cut back to Bubs and Marzipan's conversation]

Bubs:
I bet you drove the shap?d plants wild.

Marzipan:
Yeah, they were way into it.

Strong Sad:
[to The Cheat, who is dressed as Gizmo] Uh, The Cheat, technically, shouldn't all this sunlight be turning you into some sort of horrible beastie?

The Cheat:
[the Cheat noises in imitation of Gizmo's line, "Bright lights! Bright lights!" while covering his face]

So and So:
[arriving at Momkins' door to babysit Tompkins and Timkins] Hello Mrs. Tompkinsrobotmomerson. I know I'm three hours early, but I wanted to...

Momkins:
Listen, I'll be at a place until a time. My cell phone number is some numbers. The baby needs stuff. What's poison control? Punch Tompkins in the gut. Good luck.

[she then hurries out the door]

Strong Bad:
[offscreen] She gone!

[the Homestar characters are depicted as ornaments on a Decemberween tree]

Homestar Runner:
[as a gingerbread ornament] Oh, man, I feel delicious! Does anybody here know if it's either illegal or unethical to want to eat yourself?

The King of Town:
[as a stocking ornament] I sure hope not.

Strong Bad:
[as a homemade sequined ornament] Ew! Shut up, king, or I'll stuff you full of coal!

The King of Town:
That wouldn't be so bad! A little onion salt, some hot sauce... Wouldn't be the first time.

[the theme for "The King of Town's Very Own Quite Popular Cartoon Show!"]

Singers:
The King of Town's Very Own Quite Popular Cartoon Show! The King of Town's Very Own Quite Popular Cartoon Show!

The King of Town:
For reals this time!

[Strong Bad runs into a plastic grinning whale with a speaker in its teeth, like a drive-thru speaker]

Strong Bad:
Where'd you come from?

Drive-Thru Whale:
Would you like to try a combo meal?

Strong Bad:
[uncertain] Uh, sure, but no cheese and, um, extra sauce?

The Cheat:
[Questioning The Cheat noises]

Strong Bad:
I don't know. [he shows off the vastness of the field with no sign of a restaurant anywhere, except the speaker] I think I just ordered a combo meal from this invisible restaurant.

Cheerleader:
Does "ugs" have one "g" or two?

The Ugly One:
The deuce.

Cheerleader:
Boys are an important part of life.

The Ugly One:
[simultaneously] Canoes are an important part of life.

[Homestar has finished building a wooden deck, which covers a large portion of the field surrounding Bubs' Concession Stand. Bubs has watched him]

Bubs:
Well, I'm impressed, Homestar. When you said you were building a deck, I figured it would end up being something stupid and terrible. You know, 'cause you were building it.

Homestar Runner:
Yeah, me, too.

Bubs:
[looking out at the deck covering the field] But I think I could get used to this.

[Bubs and Homestar each hold up a can of melonade for a toast]

Homestar Runner:
Here's to galvanized nails and cardboard females!

Bubs:
I'll drink to that!

Announcer:
[on Strong Sad's radio] And join us next Saturday at some civic hall auditorium for Public Rage-o. All your favorite public radio superstars will be in action. Watch as Ira Glass and Ira Flatow duke it out in a no-holds-barred lumberjack match. And special guest Garrison Keillor wrestles his own soothing voice in a steel cage.

Strong Sad:
Oh, geez, I gotta pledge more next year. They're really getting desperate.

[Strong Sad continues to try and solve the mystery of some DNA evidence and interviews various people about it]

Strong Bad:
Yeah, I bought the DNA snowcone.

Strong Sad:
You knew it had the DNA evidence in it?

Strong Bad:
Well, yeah. I overheard that Marzipan had some DNA evidence, and I figured I could use it to continue my genetic experiments on The Cheat. So I sprung into action. [Strong Bad is seen inside Bubs' Concession Stand and punctures a green apple flavor container, causing it spill out. Then he walks up to the stand like everyone else]

Strong Bad:
Bubskeep, one green app' snowc', on the rocks. And keep it rusty. [return to the interrogation] By the time I got home, it was all melted, so I put it in a glass on my desk and went downstairs to do one of my high-impact toga-yoga videos. And that was the last I saw of it.

Strong Sad:
[thoughtfully] You left it on your desk, eh?

What's Her Face:
[referring to a can of cola] This is diet brown, not PCP.

The Ugly One:
Did somebody say Peacey P? I LOVES the Peacey P!

Peacey P:
[standing next to a bodyguard] Crample-o stow wha clamminuh whaow. My new album drop next sursdai. Ya'll biscuitheads.

The Ugly One:
[holding a writing utensil and autograph] Can a sista get an autograph?

[Peacey P's bodyguard suddenly grabs The Ugly One and hangs her off a hotel balcony]

Strong Bad:
[offscreen] DANGLED OFF A HOTEL BALCONY'D!

The Ugly One:
That's it?

Strong Bad:
Oh.

[the bodyguard lets go and The Ugly One falls into a pit of bayonets]

Strong Bad:
And then DROPPED FROM SAID HOTEL BALCONY'D!

The Ugly One:
That's better!

Marzipan:
[reading from a book called "Algonquin Stew"] You know, Homestar, I disagree with what you said about the underlying theme of chapter eight in this book. It's really not about man's struggle with double-sided tape. It's a metaphor for the Mesopotamian social hierarchy during the Bronze Age.

[she then puppets a cardboard cutout of Homestar to make him talk]

Marzipan:
[trying to sound like Homestar] Sewiously, Marzipan, how do you get so smart? Don't you see you're a smart?

[normal voice]

Marzipan:
Well, thanks, Homestar. I guess I am kind of smart.

So and So:
[to a baby, holding a dirty diaper] What kinda dirty diaper is this? I told you to alphabetize this stuff!

[the theme for "Limozeen:
"but they're in space!" plays, with heavy metal for the music]

Singers:
Remember those guys in that band Limozeen? Well, they turned their tour bus into a space machine! But they're still Limozeen...

Larry Palaroncini:
We're still Limozeen...

Singers:
...but they're in space!

Larry Palaroncini:
But we're in space?

Teeg Dougland:
[to the band] I'm afraid I've got some bad news, boys. We've been relegated to DVD bonus content.

[one last note plays]

[Strong Bad and his posse are trying to find Halloween Night in some spooky woods, which now have flowers]

Strong Bad:
Aw, man, I thought sure we'd find Halloween Night in the spooky woods! This place has really gone uphill since it disappeared. [sees a skull on the ground] Even that rotten old skull doesn't seem so creepy.

Skull:
[a rainbow afro appears on it] A-jam on it!

Cheerleader:
Two, three, four... [the Teen Girl Squad start dancing and clapping]

Cheerleader:
[singing] What time is it?

Cheerleader, What's Her Face, The Ugly One:
[singing] It's Valentimes! [sic]

So and So:
[singing; overlapping]... tines!

Cheerleader:
What time is it?

Cheerleader, What's Her Face, The Ugly One:
It's Valentimes! [sic]

So and So:
[singing; overlapping]... tines!

Cheerleader:
What we gonna get?

Cheerleader, What's Her Face, The Ugly One, So and So:
Several boys!

Cheerleader:
How we gonna get 'em?

What's Her Face, The Ugly One, So and So:
[all thinking nervously] Uh... Um... Er...

So and So:
Mock U.N. medals?

What's Her Face:
Wearing unflattering clothes?

The Ugly One:
Voodoo? Is it voodoo? [jams a pin into a voodoo of the Arrow'd Guy] VOODOO!

Cheerleader:
[to The Ugly One as they go to a summer camp for nerds] Alright, uggs, pretty up! You my wingman! Now let's go get us some boys camp! [they go into the camp]

D 'n' D Greg:
[dressed as a medieval swordsman] Welcome, fair maidens, to our fair village.

Sci-Fi Greg:
[dressed in a Star Trek uniform] I think you mean... welcome, earthlings, to our fair star system.

D 'n' D Greg:
Village!

Sci-Fi Greg:
Star system!

D 'n' D Greg:
BEHOLDERS!

Sci-Fi Greg:
SENTIENT NEBULAE!

Cheerleader:
Ai-ai-ai-ai-ya! I thought this was Coach Conrad's Sit-Up Camp For Shirtless Boys!

Sci-Fi Greg:
[seductively, pulling up his shirt] Oh, I can take my shirt off... [suddenly, a blinding ray somehow emanates from his bare chest and hits Cheerleader]

Strong Bad:
[offscreen] BLINDING VOIP!

Cheerleader:
Ahh! My tan lines!