The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle

[first lines of the film]

Narrator:
[over stock footage of various historical events in a parody of a newsreel] 1964, a crucial moment in American history - Lyndon Johnson is re-elected to the presidency by a landslide, the New York World's Fair introduces a bright new future... [scene cuts to show Bullwinkle pull Rocky from his hat] And after 5 scintillating years on the air...

Bullwinkle J. Moose:
Presto!

Narrator:
...The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show is abruptly cancelled.

Rocky and Bullwinkle:
[shocked] Cancelled!? [pulled off screen to the right by a vaudeville hook as two janitors come by to clean up the mess]

Narrator:
Sorry about that, boys. [screen cuts to a card reading "TODAY", followed by shots of more recent live-action footage] A lot has changed in 35 years. Velcro has replaced the zipper, sneakers have lights on them, the Cold War is over, and The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show is still cancelled. [newsreel ends as a hobo yawns and exits the theater, cut to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota where things are looking lively with the locals] Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, once the beloved home of Rocky and Bullwinkle had been a thriving cartoon town. [crossfade to a "third-world country version" of Frostbite Falls] Now, it was crippled by year's of reruns.

[Fearless Leader, Boris and Natasha have transformed from animated characters into live-action]

Minnie Mogul:
Hey...how did that happen?

Fearless Leader:
We are attached to the project.

Karen Sympathy:
[after Rocky and Bullwinkle were brought into the real world] It's you. It's really you! Rocky… and Bull… Bull… Bull…

Bullwinkle:
I believe the word you're trying to say is "winkle".

Karen:
Bullwinkle.

Rocket "Rocky" J. Squirrel:
Hey, what network are you from?

Karen:
I'm not from any network. Agent Karen Sympathy, FBI.

Fearless Leader:
[a message from the White House has arrived] It's a message from the mole at the White House!

Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale:
Moose and squirrel!

Fearless Leader:
[tearing the message, but throws it on the floor] Moose and squirrel. How many times in the past they stood me and my dreams of glory? How many times have they foiled my plans with their bungling interference?

Boris Badenov:
Uh, twenty-eight?

Fearless Leader:
Quiet, idiot! They must never reach New York alive. Destroy them personally.

Boris Badenov:
After 30 years of waiting, another chance to crush moose and squirrel! [kisses Fearless Leader's hand]

Natasha Fatale:
Oh, Fearless Leader, you are so good to us! [kisses Fearless Leader's other hand]

Fearless Leader:
This is the Computer Degenerating Imagery. Show them, Sydney.

Sydney:
The Computer Degenerating Imagery, or CDI which I like to call it, are totes user friendly. Just index the bionorary code of the animated image you're going to degenerate, and the CDI will dismandle the diginal image on your film stock, 'kay?

Fearless Leader:
BRING IN THE TEST SUBJECT!

[Two guards drag a cartoon weasel over the target. The weasel struggles in their grasp.]

Weasel:
No! Oh, this is what I was afraid of. I've been tricked. Please, don't send me there. Please, don't send me there! Now, I know what happened to my friend, Freddie the ferret and those cute little bunnies..!

Sydney:
Okay, now all you gotta do, is type in the address, and send him where all cyber junk ends up: the Internet!

[Sydney types an address, and she presses the button. The CDI's laser hit the jabbering weasel, degenerating him, and then banished him to the Internet forever.]

Sydney:
[giving Boris and Natasha a giant manual] So, that's all there is to it. Here's the manual, and she's all yours. I assume you're both computer literate.

Judge Cameo:
And you, Mr. District Attorney, I'd like to point something out to you in the penal code: Section C, Paragraph 22 - "Celebrities are above the law." This case is dismissed.

Judge Cameo:
The defendants are charged with grand theft auto - 1 count; breaking out of jail - 1 count; impugning the character of a prison guard - 1 count; reckless driving - 4 counts; talking to the audience; 5 counts; criminally bad punning - 18 counts.

Bullwinkle:
And three dukes and seven earls. Ha ha ha ha.

Judge Cameo:
Make that 19.

Rocket J. Squirrel:
[after he saved Karen from falling while Bullwinkle flies on airplane] Hang on, Karen! Hang on! If I could just-- [He carries Karen by her legs and back]

Karen:
Rocky! You're flying! You're flying!

Rocky:
Yes, I am. I certainly am. New York City, here we come!

Cappy von Trapment:
[to Bullwinkle, while wearing his mask and headphones at the White House] Bullwinkle! Don't watch! Bullwinkle! Oh, no, not you, too!

Cappy von Trapment:
COME HERE!

[Cappy's shout made Bullwinkle jump, and he walks over to Cappy]

Bullwinkle:
At least one thing hasn't changed. TV's as good as ever.

Cappy von Trapment:
[taking his headphones off] Bullwinkle, allow me to be frank.

Bullwinkle:
Okay, Frank, allow me to be Bullwinkle.

Cappy von Trapment:
[shaking Bullwinkle's hand] I'm Cappy Von Trapment, FBI.

Bullwinkle:
I thought you said your name was Frank.

Cappy von Trapment:
Shut up, Bullwinkle!

Bullwinkle:
Okay, Frank.

Cappy von Trapment:
As we speak, 99% of the country is slobbering in front of the television.

Bullwinkle:
What's so strange about that?

Cappy von Trapment:
Listen to me! We haven't heard from Karen. I think she and Rocky are in terrible danger. Let's get you to New York!

Bullwinkle:
I thought this was New York.

Cappy von Trapment:
No, Bullwinkle, that's Washington out there! THAT'S WASHINGTON!

Bullwinkle:
[looking at President Signoff] Really? Where's that little white wig he always wears?

Cappy von Trapment:
[annoyed] Oh, it's no use.

Bullwinkle:
If only there were some way of transmitting computer-generated animated characters across great distances in the blink of an eye.

Cappy von Trapment:
Bullwinkle, that's it! (You're a genius!)

Bullwinkle:
It is?

Cappy:
Yes, it's our only chance! We're gonna E-mail you to Karen in New York.

Bullwinkle:
Okay, but don't you think she'd rather get flowers?

Cappy von Trapment:
Just shut up and hold on!

Bullwinkle:
Okay!

Cappy:
[grabbing Bullwinkle and is about to shove him inside the computer scanner drive] 1… 2…

Bullwinkle:
3!

Boris:
FEARLESS LEADER, MOOSE IS LOOSE!!!

Fearless Leader:
GET THEM!!

[last lines of the film]

Bullwinkle:
Bye!

Rocky:
Bye-bye!

[as Karen Sympathy, a beautiful FBI agent, activates "The Rocky and Bullwinkle Movie" in a studio lighthouse, a green light shines from a projector. Cuts back to Frostbite Falls where Rocky and Bullwinkle spot it]

Rocky:
What's happening?

Bullwinkle:
Cobs and shuckins, Rock! The president must be beaming us to Washington!

Rocky:
That's not the president, Bullwinkle, that's a green light from Hollywood. Those TV people must've changed their minds.

[The green light hits Rocky and Bullwinkle]

Rocky and Bullwinkle:
Whoa!!!!!!!

Narrator's Mother:
[as the green light takes her son with them] Goodbye, Sonny!

Narrator:
I'll be back for hiatus, Ma!

Bullwinkle:
Hang on, Rocky!!

Narrator:
Mama!!!!!

[Rocky and Bullwinkle, now in C.G.I. animation, get sucked into the projector of the lighthouse. They get dropped out into the room of the lighthouse]

Rocky:
Hokey smoke! Are you alright?

Bullwinkle:
Yeah, but I think we're on the wrong show. Look how well they drew that girl.

Karen Sympathy:
It's you. It's really you! Rocky… and Bull-- Bull-- Bull--

Bullwinkle:
I believe the word you're trying to say is "winkle".

Karen:
Bullwinkle.

Rocky:
Hey, what network are you from?

Karen:
I'm not from any network. Agent Karen Sympathy, FBI.

[Karen, Rocky and Bullwinkle spot Boris and Natasha with a cannon]

Karen:
What's with the cannon?

Boris and Natasha:
It's traditional!

[Boris lights the fuse on the cannon]

Rocky and Bullwinkle:
RUN!!!! [run off]

[The cannon doesn't fire]

Boris and Natasha:
[looking at each other in confusion] Where is the boom?

Narrator:
[as Boris and Natasha see a helicopter] Oh, damn! Never mind.

Narrator:
Yes, Boris and Natasha were back in business, but they have no way of discovering the route our heroes have taken and-- [Boris snatches the map from the fourth wall] Hey! You can't do that!

Bucky Weasel:
Look, I'm hanging four! Surf's up, dude!

Bullwinkle:
Hang on, Rocky! I'm coming!

Live-Action Characters:
Rene Russo — Natasha

Live-Action Characters:
Jason Alexander — Boris

Live-Action Characters:
Randy Quaid — Cappy "Frank" von Trapment

Live-Action Characters:
Kel Mitchell — Martin

Live-Action Characters:
Kenan Thompson — Lewis

Live-Action Characters:
Piper Perabo — Karen Sympathy

Live-Action Characters:
Robert De Niro — Fearless Leader