Thirtysomething

Prof. Gary Shepherd:
Even Hemingway wasn't good at being Hemingway.

Miles Drentell:
You don't look well. Have you been sleeping properly?

Michael Steadman:
[who wasn't gotten actual sleep in days] Like a top. [Exits]

Miles Drentell:
[to himself] "Like a top"...

Ellyn's date:
I think "I Love Lucy"'s overrated, myself.

[Miles shows up, with flowers etc., at Melissa's place, after the night he nearly raped her]

Melissa Steadman:
I didn't know there was a Hallmark card for this kind of thing...

Prof. Gary Shepherd:
I think I'm missing the relationship chromosome.

Ellyn Warren:
I mean, Michael's cute and all, but how much fun can it be sitting at home watching him sulk night after night?

Ethan Weston:
[whiny] Dad...

Elliot Weston:
Son...

Prof. Gary Shepherd:
"Aesthete sought. Prefer overeducated dilettante. Experience frowned upon."

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[grabbing the kids' lunchboxes off of the counter] I've got peanut butter; I've got tuna fish.

Melissa Steadman:
[watching as Nancy lays down on the floor and begins to stretch out her back] You okay, Nance?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah, I'm fine. You know, it's just that I've gotta go to the dentist today, and then I have to go to the Art Center, and then pick up Ethan, and my back is conveniently out.

Melissa Steadman:
Ooh. How's the pain? Is it, uhm, like stabbing and agonizing? Or is it more, you know, existential?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
It's kinda both: agonizing and existential.

Melissa Steadman:
Oh God, I know what you're going through.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
You do?

Melissa Steadman:
It can be really depressing. Cause you've succeeded.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Right.

Melissa Steadman:
I mean, I never realized how happy I was being a failure until I became successful.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Right!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[looking up in the bathroom mirror and turning to face a rather spooky pair of twin girls] Hi.

Twin:
This is for kids in here.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I know. I just wasn't feeling so good, so...

Twin:
What's wrong with you?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Nothing. I was just feeling a little sick. I'm okay.

Twin:
[looking at her sister] She vomited.

Twin:
I know.

Twin:
Are you a mother?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yes, I am. I'm a mother. I'm Ethan's mother? Ethan Weston?

Twin:
[after exchanging a knowing glance] Does Ethan have any fish at home?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[later, telling Elliot before bed] So I said, 'Yes, he has fish.' And then they looked at each other, really suspicious, and one of them looks at me and says, 'Well, that's interesting, because some of ours just happen to be missing.'

Elliot Weston:
[laughing] What are you telling me, Ethan's a fish thief?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, I mean the whole thing, it was like suddenly being caught in a Diane Arbus picture. Do you ever get that feeling?

Elliot Weston:
Hourly.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[laughing] Me too.

Elliot Weston:
You know, we never should have had her take our wedding pictures.

Dr. Silverman:
You okay otherwise?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just... well, I wrote this book, a children's book. Ethan and I wrote it together, and it's, uhm, going to be coming out on Monday.

Dr. Silverman:
That's great! Oh, Nancy, that's terrific!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah, it is. I just wish that it were over with so I could move on, you know? I'm just like moderately flipping out, I mean, nothing major or anything. It's just tension. This lower back pain which I inherited from my dad. He always had lower back pain.

Dr. Silverman:
Well, I'll give you a muscle relaxer. [continuing her examination] All right, hold still. Right... there. Do you feel anything?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No.

Dr. Silverman:
That's good. You might have a trace of an early fibroid, which I doubt. You're a little young. But that could be the cause of your lower back pain. So you're not crazy. You have time for an ultra sound?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[nodding] Mmm-hrm.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I saw Doctor Silverman today.

Elliot Weston:
Yeah, she give you The Pill?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
She gave me The Pill.

Elliot Weston:
Greeeat.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
And she also took this picture, with the ultra sound thing, you know, like when I was pregnant...

[Elliot looks up from his bowl of ice-cream in immediate alarm]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
...only I'm not, and uhm, she's found this little thing.

Elliot Weston:
[looking up at her again] What thing?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Well, she thought, but she was wrong, that it was some kind of early fibroid.

Elliot Weston:
Wait, wait, wait. Fibroid? What's that?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Nothing. I mean, it's something, but it doesn't really matter because it wasn't the thing, the fibroid thing, so she was wrong about that.

Ethan Weston:
[from his room] Mom!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Just a minute, honey! [to Elliot] Uhm, so it was nothing.

Elliot Weston:
Well, that's good.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Right. I know. it's just uhm, it's just that my ovary, either my right one or my left one has dropped behind my uterus, and she just, you know, wants to do a test.

Elliot Weston:
A test? You said it was nothing.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Well, it is basically. I mean that's what Doctor Silverman said. She just wants to look inside with this periscope...

Elliot Weston:
Wait a - what, a periscope? What is - what is that? What is this periscope?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
It's called a laperoscomy. I mean, I've got a pamphlet. Wait, wait, let me show you.

Elliot Weston:
[grabbing her arm] Nance, whoa, whoa, wait wait wait. When are you going to do this periscope thing?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Whenever.

Elliot Weston:
When?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Friday.

Elliot Weston:
Friday? This Friday? Like day-after-tomorrow Friday?

Elliot Weston:
Wait a sec, wait a sec, wait a sec, Nancy.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
It's just a test, Elliot. That's all it is.

Elliot Weston:
Fine, fine! I just want to know more about it.

Elliot Weston:
[turning to see Ethan standing in the doorway] Hey, pal.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Hey, Ethan.

Ethan Weston:
Mom, if you leave turtles on the radiator, do they fry and get dead?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[puzzled, thinking about it] Well, it depends, why?

Ethan Weston:
Just curious.

[Ethan walks away to leave Nancy and Elliot to look at one another, confounded]

Ethan Weston:
Mom?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What?

Ethan Weston:
Know what turtles are?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What's that?

Ethan Weston:
They're fascinating.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[smiling at his use of his new word] I agree. Now, c'mere. You know I've been thinking. We had so much fun doing our book together, I was thinking maybe we should do another project together. You have any ideas?

Ethan Weston:
I don't.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No? Well, I do. I was thinking, maybe we could do one this time about forests, only real ones. We could go exploring leaves and animals and stuff.

Ethan Weston:
I hate nature.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Oh, you do not.

Ethan Weston:
I do.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Well, turtles are nature. Why don't we do a book about turtles?

Ethan Weston:
Dr. Seuss already did one, Mom.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[making a face to herself] Okay. Uhm. We could do a book about Indians.

Ethan Weston:
I hate Indians.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Oh, Ethan, you do not! You don't even know any!

Ethan Weston:
Do you?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Well... no, I... no, not personally, but... you know, it'd be really great if you thought about it, you know? Maybe think about it in your dreams? About something we could do together?

Ethan Weston:
You mean it?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah.

Ethan Weston:
Mom?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah?

Ethan Weston:
I lied about Indians. I like some.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I know.

Ethan Weston:
Like Apaches. They're fascinating.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[smiling and kissing him goodnight] Well, then maybe that's what our project should be about: turtles... and Apaches.

Michael Steadman:
[seeing Elliot's expression just as Elliot's phone beeps] You okay?

Elliot Weston:
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. [the phone continues to beep as he struggles with something to say] Michael...

[phone beeps again insistently]

Michael Steadman:
What?

Elliot's Secretary:
[finally over intercom] Mister Drentell on line 5104.

Elliot Weston:
[changing his mind and deciding to pick up the phone] Uh, nothing. Nothing. Hi.

[Michael listens to Elliot's conversation with Miles for a moment before heading out, tapping Elliot and waving. Elliot waves back]

Gary Shepherd:
[all while Elliot watches Nancy quietly] Why would I make something like that up? Seriously. I swear. I put them both in front of her, right? Runaway Bunny and Ulysses.

Michael Steadman:
And let me guess: she went right to Ulysses?

Gary Shepherd:
Right.

Susannah Hart:
And put it in her mouth. You forgot to mention that, right?

Michael Steadman:
So big deal. Listen. Janey, by the time she was five months old had eaten most of the major early work of Saul Bellow, up to and including 'Henderson the Rain King', but hey, I don't like to brag.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Oh, I'm sure Emma's as bright as a button, Gary.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Hey, hey, what was that woman on the Lucy Show that was always bragging about her kids?

Susannah Hart:
[definitively] Caroline Appleby. The kid's name was 'Stevie.'

Gary Shepherd:
[turning to her, clearly surprised] I... I thought you hated pop culture?

Susannah Hart:
Lucy isn't pop culture. Lucy is God.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Elliot? Eli?

Elliot Weston:
[waking abruptly on the couch where he was snoozing] Huh? Are you all right?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah, I'm all right.

Elliot Weston:
Can I get you something? Some water or something?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No. I just want to talk.

Elliot Weston:
[trying to rouse himself] Okay, great.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[still a little out of it from the procedure earlier that day] Can you take Ethan to basketball tomorrow?

Elliot Weston:
Sure.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
And about some other things. I need to talk about some other things.

Elliot Weston:
Okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Like the kids.

Elliot Weston:
The kids?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Because if something would happen to me, we need to talk. About if something would happen to me. Like their education...

[the two look at one another and slowly realize]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
...so you'll take him to basketball tomorrow?

Elliot Weston:
Okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
And Elliot?

Elliot Weston:
Mmm-hmm?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Nobody knows.

Elliot Weston:
What?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
About this. This is just us. Understand?

Elliot Weston:
I understand.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Hey, Mom. Uhm. I want to ask you something. This might sound really insane.

Eleanor Krieger:
Go ahead. I like insane questions.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
How can you know what your life is?

Eleanor Krieger:
Your life?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah. Do you ever get to really see it? Just for what it is? just simply for what it is?

Eleanor Krieger:
[perplexed] I don't know.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[laughing] Well, that helps a lot, Mom.

Eleanor Krieger:
[laughing herself] Well, I mean it. I don't know. Sometimes I've thought that I did. But I think you only get it in bits. I don't know.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[as Eleanor is getting out of the car] Mom?

Eleanor Krieger:
Yeah?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[clearly wanting to tell her but changing her mind] I'll... see you next week.

Eleanor Krieger:
See you next week.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[entering a basketball gym where Ethan is shooting baskets all alone] Ethan?

Ethan Weston:
[whining] Where were you?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What do you mean?

Ethan Weston:
You were going to come and watch me. You said so.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I know. I'm sorry. I completely forgot. I had to do something with Grandma.

Ethan Weston:
You said you were going to come and watch me.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Okay. I'm sorry. Okay? Now come on, let's go.

Ethan Weston:
I want to go to Nicholas's.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, we can't go to Nicholas's tonight because we have Melissa's party.

Ethan Weston:
[insistent] I want to go to Nicholas's.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, we can't, because I can't pick you up there.

Ethan Weston:
I want to go to Nicholas's!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[grabbing him and yelling] Fine! Great! You want to go to Nicholas's? Is that what you want? Then I'll take you to Nicholas's! Come on, let's go. Right now.

Ethan Weston:
I'll walk!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No you won't. I'll drive you!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[hearing the front door open and close] Ethan? Ethan? Hi.

Ethan Weston:
[subdued] Hi.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[ironing] Did you have fun at Nicholas's?

Ethan Weston:
[shrugging] I don't know. I guess so.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[handing him a freshly ironed shirt] Here's your shirt for the party. Hey. I'm sorry about today, for yelling at you like that. I really am.

Ethan Weston:
You are?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I am. And especially cause tonight, you know, it's our night...

Ethan Weston:
There's something wrong with you.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What do you mean?

Ethan Weston:
Is there something wrong with you?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No. There's nothing wrong with me. Okay? Hey. There's nothing wrong.

Ethan Weston:
[clearly not believing her] 'Kay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
You want me to help you get dressed?

Ethan Weston:
[sighing heavily] It's okay. I'll do it.

[Elliot and Nancy look up as Dr. Silverman comes into her office and closes the door]

Dr. Silverman:
[seating herself and clearing her throat somberly] Nancy.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[realizing the news is not going to be good] Okay. [turning to Elliot and taking his hand] I love you.

Elliot Weston:
[terrified, his voice shaking] I love you.

Elliot Weston:
We're not waiting till Saturday.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What?

Elliot Weston:
I think you should do this now.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Now?

Elliot Weston:
Now. Like tomorrow. Now.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Elliot, I just went over all this. I can't do it tomorrow.

Elliot Weston:
Nancy,I want you to just do it. I think you should just do it. I don't want one more cell of that stuff to grow! Nancy, I want you to just do it.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I'm going to do it!

Elliot Weston:
Soon.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Okay, soon!

Michael Steadman:
You're amazing! You're amazing. I mean, we aced that meeting.

Elliot Weston:
You think so?

Michael Steadman:
Are you kidding me? Did you see the client? He was drooling. I mean, he could practically smell the money.

Elliot Weston:
You think so?

Michael Steadman:
Tonight? We're celebrating tonight. The four of us. Hey, Katherine? Katherine! Would you get my wife on the phone? [to Elliot] Where do you want to go?

Elliot Weston:
Mike, I don't know.

Michael Steadman:
C'mon, name it. It's on me.

Elliot Weston:
Mike, I don't know. I don't know. You pick it.

Katherine:
[beeping on intercom] Hope's on five-seven-three-eight.

Michael Steadman:
[on phone with Hope] Hi, honey. Good. Listen, do you think there's any way we can get a sitter for tonight? Really? Oh, that's good. Okay, would you try to call her? Yeah? Good. I have a little surprise. Yeah. Okay. I'll call - no, you call me back. Okay. Good. I miss you too. Okay. Bye, sweetie.

Michael Steadman:
[to Elliot] Le Bec Fin. Hope loves Le Bec Fin. Katherine? Hey, Katherine! Katherine, would you, uhm, see about getting reservations for tonight?

Elliot Weston:
[realizing, changing his mind] Michael...

Michael Steadman:
Wait a second. Four for tonight at Le Bec Fin? Eight o'clock? Thank you.

Elliot Weston:
Mike. About tonight...

Katherine:
[beeping] Hope's on the line. She says she can get a sitter and what's the surprise?

Michael Steadman:
Uh, just tell her to hold on a second? [to Elliot] Do you want us to pick you up? Seven thirty?

Elliot Weston:
[reluctantly] No, Mike. Michael, I don't think tonight is going to be good for us. For Nancy.

Michael Steadman:
Oh. Uh, tomorrow?

Elliot Weston:
[very reluctantly] I don't know about tomorrow. You see... uhm... Nancy's... she's sick. Nancy's uhm...

Michael Steadman:
[not getting it] She's sick?

Elliot Weston:
Yeah. Yeah, she's sick, Mike. She's got cancer.

[Michael pales as the news hits home with him]

Elliot Weston:
So I'm sorry, okay?

Michael Steadman:
[quietly] Okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What are you doing?

Ethan Weston:
What's it look like?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
It looks like you're playing with your Dino Riders.

[Ethan just continues to play]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Can I come in for a few minutes?

Ethan Weston:
It's a free country.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
You're right. It is.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[going over and taking a seat on the floor with Ethan] I know that you're still mad at me for yelling at you on Saturday.

Ethan Weston:
I'm not mad.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No. Okay. You're not. But even if you are, I'm sorry for that. Okay? I want to apologize. And also, because...

Ethan Weston:
Because what?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I want to talk to you about something.

Ethan Weston:
What?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Well, I have to tell you the truth. That is, I have to tell you the truth because you know me so well, I can't lie to you. But you don't have to be a big boy or anything. I just can't lie to you. There is something wrong with me, Ethan. I'm sick. And I don't know how sick yet, but I'm going to find out really soon. Daddy's going to take me to the hospital on Saturday and then they'll find out what's wrong, and once they know what's wrong they'll figure out how to make it better. And I could tell you that everything's going to be all right and you don't have to worry, but that really wouldn't be the truth, really. So that's the truth. That's all.

Ethan Weston:
Are you gonna die?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I don't know. I don't think so. But I don't know.

Ethan Weston:
'Kay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Okay.

Elliot Weston:
You're sitting alone in the dark. You okay?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I don't know.

Elliot Weston:
[cautiously] What's wrong? Nance? What's wrong?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Hope knows. She knows because Michael told her.

Elliot Weston:
[realizing] Nancy...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
You told him, even though this was just us. We had agreed this was just us.

Elliot Weston:
Nancy, I'm so sorry.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
And now it's out.

Elliot Weston:
It's not out.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
It is out, Elliot. And everybody knows because your friend can't keep anything to himself and you had to feel good about yourself for two minutes and that was worth anything in the whole world to you.

Elliot Weston:
Nancy...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Just leave me alone. I don't even want to look at you. Just leave me alone.

Elliot Weston:
No. Honey, you're not going through this alone. You can't go through this alone!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Don't touch me.

Elliot Weston:
Nancy.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[beginning to break down] Stay away from me.

Elliot Weston:
Nancy, no. I'm right here. You need me and I'm right here and I'm not going away. I'm not going anywhere.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[slapping Elliot's hands away and then slapping at him repeatedly] You son of a b*tch! I hate you!

Elliot Weston:
Easy, easy, easy! Nancy, stop! No, honey, stop! Stop! It's okay! You're going to be okay!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, it is not okay!

Elliot Weston:
[tackling her onto the bed] You're going to be okay!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
It is not okay! I have cancer.

Elliot Weston:
Stop.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
It's not okay.

Elliot Weston:
Stop.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I can't fight this.

Elliot Weston:
[insistent] Yes, we can.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I'm going to die.

Elliot Weston:
Nancy, no, you're not. We're going to fight this. We're going to fight this together.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I don't know if I can do this...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[looking around, feeling hopeless, looking at Elliot above her, realizing, and suddenly clinging to him desperately] Make love to me, Elliot. Make love to me, please! Please make love to me!

Elliot Weston:
Shhhhh...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Please...

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[entering and interrupting Michael and Melissa] Excuse me, but Janey would like to see her aunt Melissa. Immediately.

Melissa Steadman:
Immediately? Oh, ho, God! What a push kid. All right, I'm coming. Start getting cute!

[Michael looks at Hope, seeing her expression. It has only been a week since her miscarriage]

Michael Steadman:
[hugging her, reassuring] Okay.

Elaine Steadman:
Listen, I really gotta go. That traffic is going to be murder.

Melissa Steadman:
[reluctantly] Listen, you want me to help with her, I'll help.

Elaine Steadman:
Yeah?

Elaine Steadman:
[after Melissa nods] Great. Okay, where are the keys, eh?

Melissa Steadman:
[looking around] They're in your hand, Mom.

Elaine Steadman:
[seeing her keys in her own hand] Right.

Melissa Steadman:
[going through some old clothes with Ellyn] I can't throw anything out.

Ellyn Warren:
You gotta be ruthless. Not everything old has value, Melissa. Some things are just old. You and I, for example, are old and have value. These cookies... 'Good until June of '87'? Are merely old.

Elaine Steadman:
[handing a drink to Melissa] Sweetheart, give this to Aunt Muriel with a coaster. And don't bring up cousin Hannah. She's still in Oregon with the Lesbian Puppeteer group, and it'll just upset Aunt Muriel, okay?

Melissa Steadman:
[handing the drink over] Here you go, Aunt Muriel.

Aunt Muriel:
[kissing Melissa loudly] Oh, thanks, sweetheart.

Aunt Cookie:
You look lovely, dahling.

Melissa Steadman:
Thanks, Aunt Cookie.

Aunt Muriel:
But you're missing an earring, hon.

Melissa Steadman:
Oh, I'm not. There's only one.

Aunt Cookie:
Did you check the car seat?

Melissa Steadman:
[patiently] There's only one.

Aunt Muriel:
I'll tell you what. We'll keep an eye open for it.

Melissa Steadman:
[smiling politely] Thanks. I really appreciate that.

Elaine Steadman:
Cookie, the honey cake looks wonderful.

Aunt Cookie:
Oh, I don't know... I'm a little worried about that honey cake. I'm going to go take a look at it.

Aunt Muriel:
I'll go with her.

Aunt Cookie:
[heading off to the kitchen with Aunt Muriel] If there's anything I hate it's a dry honey cake.

Rose Waldman:
[rolling her eyes and whispering to Melissa] Her honey cake showed up on my last angiogram.

Elaine Steadman:
[adjusting the thermostat] Dinner's ready.

Rose Waldman:
[cranky, to Elaine] What are you doing?

Elaine Steadman:
Mother, this house is like a freezer.

Rose Waldman:
It's an oven. Turn it down.

Elaine Steadman:
Mother, people are sitting in their coats.

Rose Waldman:
[turning to Melissa] You said it was hot.

Melissa Steadman:
Me? No, I didn't! I -!

Rose Waldman:
[to Elaine] See?

Elaine Steadman:
[having had enough] Please.

Rose Waldman:
Where's Murray? I want my highball.

Elaine Steadman:
You're not going to have a highball. We're just going to go in and eat, Mother!

Rose Waldman:
I always have a highball before I eat!

Elaine Steadman:
But it's not good for you. You know what the doctor said.

Rose Waldman:
Elaine, you stop trying to tell me what's good for me!

Elaine Steadman:
Please! Why would I poss -?

Murray Steadman:
[stepping in with genuine affection] Look at the three of you. I want a picture.

Melissa Steadman:
Oh! What a good idea. I'll take it.

Rose Waldman:
Why?

Melissa Steadman:
Why? Why? Nana, it's what I do.

Rose Waldman:
[sarcastically] It's what she does.

Melissa Steadman:
Yeah.

Rose Waldman:
When am I going to see one of your pictures in Life magazine?

Melissa Steadman:
When Ed Sullivan goes back on the air.

Elaine Steadman:
Darling, I have got a pot roast that's turning to leather.

Melissa Steadman:
Mom...

Rose Waldman:
[to Elaine] How would you know?

Elaine Steadman:
Oh, Mother, please! This is too much.

Melissa Steadman:
Would you shut up and pose? Come on. Go over by the chair.

Elaine Steadman:
[indignant] 'Shut up and pose'? Really! This is unbelievable. All right, I'm sorry!

Melissa Steadman:
Daddy? You be me.

Murray Steadman:
I'll need an earring.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[entering the kitchen with Nancy, Michael, and Melissa as they gather up dessert fixings] Oh, I don't know. It's like my mother and father. They live on a golf course and, you know, they could be out and having a perfectly good game and then, you know, driving along and a meteor falls on them and they're killed instantly.

[the others stop and stare at Hope, stunned into silence]

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[looking at them] Painlessly! I mean, not now, you know, in ten years...

[the just continue to look at her]

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[seeing their expressions] Okay, twelve! Come on!

Melissa Steadman:
She was never, you know, your standard perfect pie-crust grandma. I used to go to her store after school? She'd drop whatever she was doing. We'd go for ice cream or we'd go for a walk. Or she'd say, 'C'mon, let's get outta here. We'll go to the movies and hit the Chinaman. My treat.' I was fat. I looked like uh... Little Lotta. I didn't have any friends. But she was my friend.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[putting a reassuring arm across Melissa's shoulders] She'll be okay.

Melissa Steadman:
[changing the subject, eyeing the dessert fixings] This is dessert? Make Your Own Sundae? You're reading Readbook again, Hope.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
I'm a busy woman. You want wedding cake? Get married.

[Michael makes a sympathetic frown as he and Nancy listen to their exchange fondly]

Melissa Steadman:
[to them] Help yourself.

Mrs. Hyman:
The usual thing, Rose.

Rose Waldman:
What?

Mrs. Hyman:
I can't decide. I'll be back with a friend.

Rose Waldman:
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Melissa! I got an idea.

Melissa Steadman:
[coming into dressing area] Yeah.

Rose Waldman:
This is my granddaughter, Melissa. This is Mrs. Hyman.

Melissa Steadman:
Hi.

Mrs. Hyman:
You're missing an earring, dear.

Melissa Steadman:
[clearly tired of explaining it] I'm looking for it.

Rose Waldman:
[knowingly] What are you going to do with all the earrings you've lost?

Melissa Steadman:
[sharing the joke] Make a bracelet.

Melissa Steadman:
C'mon. C'mon. Put on your slippers.

Rose Waldman:
Why should I put on my slippers? Is Paul Newman coming over?

Melissa Steadman:
Oh, yeah. He's gonna bring you his salad dressing.

Elaine Steadman:
[coming in with a bowl of soup] Here's your soup, Mother. It's your recipe.

Rose Waldman:
Okay, thank you.

Rose Waldman:
[sniffing at the soup and looking up doubtfully] Are you sure this is my recipe?

Elaine Steadman:
[patient] Yes.

Rose Waldman:
[handing the bowl of soup to Melissa but taking one cracker] Oh, I'll have a cracker.

[Elaine bends down to gather up some magazines]

Rose Waldman:
[impatient] Elaine, please! Stop bouncing around! You're like a Mexican jumping bean. Relax. Have a cracker!

Rose Waldman:
[wistfully, as Melissa tucks her in] Oh. Jack was something. He was a king. Fanny Brice was in love with him, and he sold Al Joelson the summer home. And then, suddenly everything was gone. Everything. Jack never said a word. He just sat in a chair. And then - I went and made a business. I was pregnant with your mother. She was born three days after we opened. And I was back at work at the store the next day.

Elaine Steadman:
All right. All right, but if she goes near a cigarette, I want you to call me immediately.

Melissa Steadman:
I'll call you!

Elaine Steadman:
You're positive this is all right?

Melissa Steadman:
She's gonna be fine. Okay?

Elaine Steadman:
Yeah?

Elaine Steadman:
[hugging Melissa] All right, sweetheart.

Melissa Steadman:
She's gonna be fine.

Melissa Steadman:
[watching Elaine begin to look for her keys] Mom, your keys are in your hand.

Elaine Steadman:
[seeing them] I knew that.

Ellyn Warren:
[considering Melissa's suit and buttoning up the coat] Great. Uh, do you have jury duty or something?

Melissa Steadman:
No, I have to go to my grandmother's store. I told her I'd work there for a few days till she gets back on her feet.

Ellyn Warren:
Oh, that's nice. Is she okay?

Melissa Steadman:
Oh, yeah. She's fine. I'm completely wiped out.

Ellyn Warren:
[checking Melissa's 'look' and deciding to unbutton the jacket again] No...

Melissa Steadman:
I was up with her all last night because I was over there.

Ellyn Warren:
Oh, God.

Melissa Steadman:
[standing back, about the jacket] Open?

Ellyn Warren:
[looking her over, approving] Open.

Melissa Steadman:
Ellyn, listen. Uhm. A lot of stuff's been coming up for me lately.

Ellyn Warren:
Oh, I know. It must be really hard with your family and all, huh?

Melissa Steadman:
Well, you know, it really has to do with your project.

Ellyn Warren:
Oh, that's okay. Just show me what you did the other day.

Melissa Steadman:
Well, see, it's about the prints, I didn't have time to print.

Ellyn Warren:
[clearly displeased] Oh. Okay.

Melissa Steadman:
Well, I told you about last night, right?

Ellyn Warren:
No, no. I know, I know, I know.

Melissa Steadman:
It's not about last night...

Ellyn Warren:
[a bit gruffly] Well, do you have time to do it now?

Melissa Steadman:
[pacing nervously] No. Uhm. It's just that, well, they moved the magazine's deadline up. You know, the piece I was doing? So I had to prep the shoot, do the shoot, get the proofs done, turn them in... so I haven't had time to print, but I called Russel to see if he could do it.

Ellyn Warren:
When can he do it?

Melissa Steadman:
Well, he can do it next week, if that's not too late. I mean, if that's all right.

Ellyn Warren:
Uhm. I just have to think.

Melissa Steadman:
And if it's not, just say the world, and I'll...

Ellyn Warren:
No, I just have to think...

Ellyn Warren:
[after a clear moment of stress, looking up and smiling] Yeah. It's all right. Because, uh, this is exactly what I've been trying to work on in my therapy. This is the kind of thing that would get me into trouble before, you know? Not being able to 'roll with the punches' as it were?

Melissa Steadman:
Well, if it's not, you know, I can come home tonight. I can do it tonight, you know? I could stay up late and do it.

Ellyn Warren:
No, no, it's really... Melissa... well... why didn't you just say 'no'?

Melissa Steadman:
I don't know.

Melissa Steadman:
[thinking about it] You're my friend. I didn't want to let you down.

Rose Waldman:
Melissa...

[Rose looks at her granddaughter for a long time, clearly wanting to say something to her, but thinks better of it in the end]

Rose Waldman:
Happy Birthday, darling!

Melissa Steadman:
Happy Birthday, Nana.

Rose Waldman:
Do you know how much I love you?

Melissa Steadman:
I know how much, Nana.

Rose Waldman:
[clinking her glass with a knife and standing up at the head of the table] Can I have anybody's attention? Well, uh, tonight we have three birthday girls. One of them is eighty. But I'm not going to tell who. But I am going to tell a story about business. A manufacturer falls in love with a fabric, and buys five thousand yards. But he can only sell half of it. Well, I save his life. I take the other half. Now he's got something. People need to have something in their hands. Tonight, my hands are full. So is my heart. Tonight...

Rose Waldman:
[laughing and tossing down her notes] I'm eighty years old tonight! And as i look back on my life, I... I know my hands are too full. And I want to count my blessings. My biggest blessings are right here: my daughter, Elaine. Her husband, Murray. And my darling granddaughter, Melissa... to whom I am going to leave the business. After I have trainer her properly.

[Everyone present is shocked into a stunned silence, including Ellyn and Michael]

Rose Waldman:
[to Melissa] And I trust and hope you will carry my name into the future.

[Aunt Muriel enters with a cake and everyone starts to sing 'Happy Birthday' as Melissa just sits there, in unhappy shock]

Michael Steadman:
Oh, Melissa. I don't know how you do it. It's like you're totally honest with everybody but your family. Then you just, unzip your skin, hang it next to Rose's mink, and out steps this completely different person, who isn't you.

Melissa Steadman:
Who is she then?

Michael Steadman:
She's like this really good girl. Who doesn't see the truth.

Melissa Steadman:
And what is that?

Michael Steadman:
There's this old bat, sitting on a throne, running everybody's life, only now she can't even run her own. But she yells 'limbo' and the whole room starts dancing. I mean, look at your mom. Look at... You gotta face her, Melissa. Worse thing that can happen, she turns you to stone, right? Right?

[Melissa leaves without saying anything. But she stops to look at Michael through his office window. He blows her a kiss and waves. She blows him a kiss and waves back]

Melissa Steadman:
Nana, really. I'd really rather talk here.

Rose Waldman:
Okay. Go on, go on. Talk, talk.

Melissa Steadman:
Nana, what you want me to do. What you've offered me. It's incredible! The store. It's your life. I'll always be grateful that you wanted me to take it, that you saw me that way.

Rose Waldman:
Melissa. I see you in this business with me. Till I die, and then it's yours. I was rich a long time ago. I could have stopped, but I didn't. I had to get this ready to give to someone.

Melissa Steadman:
But you've given me so much already. How can I ever thank you?

Rose Waldman:
I don't want you to thank me. I want to help you.

Melissa Steadman:
I don't need you to help me.

Rose Waldman:
Yes, you do. I know what's good for you.

Melissa Steadman:
Nana, the store, it's... I wouldn't be happy. It's not my life.

Rose Waldman:
[laughing sarcastically] Your life? What's your life? You snap a few pictures, you live like a bum, you dress like a freak. Do you have a meaningful relationship? A husband? A family? Oh. You want to be free. Independent. Great! But you don't fool me, Melissa. You never have. I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't know what is best for the people I love!

Melissa Steadman:
You don't know what's best for me.

Rose Waldman:
Yes I do.

Melissa Steadman:
[having had enough] You didn't do this for me, Rose. You did it for you. You don't know me. You've never known me. You never have. You can have this. All of it! I love you, Nana. But you can't have me!

Rose Waldman:
[stopping Melissa on her way out] Okay. Tomorrow I change my Will. And you'll have nothing. But you'll be happy, and I want you to be happy. I'll be dead, and you'll have nothing! Do you hear me, Melissa? Melissa! Melissa! Melissa...!

Melissa Steadman:
[responding to the knock at the door] Who is it?

Elaine Steadman:
It's me. [Elaine enters a darkened loft. Her voice comes from the dark] What are you doing? You're boycotting the electric company?

Melissa Steadman:
I told her I didn't want the store. She had a heart attack.

Elaine Steadman:
Honey, the last three months have been one long heart attack.

[Melissa falls back on her bed to stare at the ceiling]

Elaine Steadman:
Melissa? Melissa, what happened tonight has nothing to do with you.

Melissa Steadman:
But I still feel like it's my fault.

Elaine Steadman:
Because you stood up for yourself?

Melissa Steadman:
[sitting back up] I always knew one day we'd have to deal with the store. I used to think if all else failed that, you know, I could fall back on that. But all else has failed lots of times and... it's just that the store isn't my life.

Elaine Steadman:
Melissa, it's just not worth anything anymore. It's like a... it's like an old delicatessen where you go to have the waiters insult you. Daddy's been trying to get her to sell it for years.

Melissa Steadman:
So why did she pick me? Why didn't she give it to you?

Elaine Steadman:
I never gave her the chance. I never wanted it. I had Daddy. I had you. I never actually said 'no' to her. I still can't. Melissa, sometimes I'm just amazed at your courage.

Elaine Steadman:
[Elaine pulls out a pack of cigarettes. She looks at her daughter's expression] Don't tell Nana. She thinks I've stopped.

Melissa Steadman:
[going over] Can I have one?

Elaine Steadman:
I thought you stopped.

Melissa Steadman:
I did.

Elaine Steadman:
[handing her daughter a cigarette, disappointed] Oh, sweetheart.

[the two light up and smoke for a moment]

Elaine Steadman:
What are we going to do about her?

Melissa Steadman:
Do you realize this is the first time you're asking me instead of telling me?

Elaine Steadman:
Really?

[the two continue to smoke in unison]

Elaine Steadman:
So, what should we do about her?

Melissa Steadman:
Beats me.

Elaine Steadman:
[smiling] See? that's why I never asked you.

Elaine Steadman:
What if something really happens to her?

Melissa Steadman:
Then we'll deal with it.

Elaine Steadman:
[stamping out her cigarette] I gotta go. I got six things to get for her. That traffic's gonna be murder.

Melissa Steadman:
[she gets up to leave, stopping at the door to turn back] You know, I was thinking. Maybe you should have taken the store.

Melissa Steadman:
Why?

Elaine Steadman:
Then you could afford to buy another earring.

[the two exchange a sweet smile]

Melissa Steadman:
Mom?

[Elaine Steadman turns back to look at her daughter]

Melissa Steadman:
I love you.

[Elaine nods and heads out. Melissa gets up and removes her coat. She goes over and picks up a paint-roller and begins to paint the huge loading dock door of her loft]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
C'mon, you're telling me we can't get back to the car and there's no phone? Oh, man, Ethan is gonna go nuts. We have gotta figure out a way to get out of here.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Oh, they'll figure it out.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
You know what they're going to figure out? That we're dead on the highway is what they're going to figure out. Oh, this is so weird.

Ellyn Warren:
Oh, you guys, I am so sorry. This is all my fault and I am really sorry.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
It's not your fault.

Ellyn Warren:
Of course it's my fault. My God, I wouldn't go in the cave, I get us lost, now we can't even get back tonight. You're all mad, and I am really really sorry.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, no, it's not that we're not mad, it's just something that happened.

Ellyn Warren:
You should be mad. My God, I'm a jerk. Don't treat me like I'm some invalid child.

Melissa Steadman:
[setting down hiking pack gruffly] Listen. Ellyn. We know where we are. Now we can either camp out here tonight and wait until the cave opens in the morning, or we can scream at you. Which do you want?

Ellyn Warren:
I just want you to be honest with me, okay?

Melissa Steadman:
Okay. It's your fault. Does that make you feel better?

Melissa Steadman:
[having put money into a malfunctioning soda machine] Great.

Ellyn Warren:
Sometimes if you bang it on the side...

Melissa Steadman:
That never works.

Ellyn Warren:
It does too, I do it all the time.

Melissa Steadman:
It doesn't work.

Ellyn Warren:
It does! God, just try it.

Melissa Steadman:
The tilt light's gonna go on. You want something else? Get a different soda if you want.

Ellyn Warren:
I don't want a different soda. Just hit it!

Melissa Steadman:
You hit it!

Ellyn Warren:
[hitting the soda machine] Oh, God, you're such a wimp. Ow.

Melissa Steadman:
I'm a wimp?

Ellyn Warren:
Yeah, and you're arrogant.

Melissa Steadman:
Yeah, and you're a pain in the butt.

Ellyn Warren:
Yeah? Well you're too competitive and you always need to be the boss.

Melissa Steadman:
I do not.

Ellyn Warren:
You do too.

Melissa Steadman:
I do not.

Ellyn Warren:
You do too.

Melissa Steadman:
I have to be the boss? I have never been a boss my whole life.

Ellyn Warren:
Yes, you're worse than Michael.

Melissa Steadman:
[truly offended] Worse than Michael?

Ellyn Warren:
[cracking a smile] I'm afraid so.

Melissa Steadman:
[strangling Ellyn] Worse than Michael?

Ellyn Warren:
[laughing] Okay, okay. Almost as bad.

Melissa Steadman:
That's more like it. And I don't get blisters.

Elliot Weston:
When Nancy got better, I really had thought I was through with Death, Mike. I mean, that son of a b*tch has been hanging around my house for over a year, you know, flipping through magazines, watching tv, waiting. And then the second-look surgery came, no more cancer! Nancy gets to be alive, you know? No more Death! What a dope! Mike, it's going to be like this for the rest of our lives. You know? We just have to keep going. Trying to fill the time between the funerals. Which is either very stupid... or kinda sweet, depending on how you look at it.

Prof. Gary Shepherd:
Oh. Whenever I try to take pictures of the moon it always ends up looking like a street lamp in a parking lot.

Melissa Steadman:
Well, you don't know the secret.

Prof. Gary Shepherd:
What secret?

Melissa Steadman:
Ansel Adams. Hernandez, New Mexico. Always remember the moon is a sunlit object. Expose accordingly.

Prof. Gary Shepherd:
[rolling over to go back to sleep] Okay. Now I know the secret.

Melissa Steadman:
[still taking pictures of the moon] Yep. You do.

Prof. Gary Shepherd:
[stirring and looking back up] Were you... were you taking pictures of me just now when I was asleep?

Melissa Steadman:
[sheepish] Sort of.

Prof. Gary Shepherd:
Think they'll turn out?

Melissa Steadman:
[shrugging] Don't know.

Prof. Gary Shepherd:
[going back to sleep] Well, let me know if they do. But remember: Gary is a moonlit object. Expose accordingly.

Susannah Hart:
You all had so much more of him. More time. More memories. I feel cheated. And, uhm, I think a part of me hates you for it. All of you. It's wrong. It'll change. But right now...

Melissa Steadman:
You shouldn't have come up here telling me he loved me. I mean, we should have all been huddled around you saying you how much he loved you. He did love you. Really. I think more than anything. Gary can't lie. He's transparent when it comes to that. There's no way he can hide anything. He gets that idiotic grin on his face... [realizing]... present tense.

Susannah Hart:
I'm so angry at him. He changed everything in my life. I used to know exactly what I wanted and how to get it. But Gary... I started to become this other person with him. Now? What am I going to do now? He changes you then he goes.

Melissa Steadman:
[shaking her head] You changed him.

Prof. Gary Shepherd:
[lost while driving with Susannah] So relax. Close your eyes if you want. We'll get there. And if we don't get where we're going, we'll get somewhere else that's just as interesting.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Why would he call, if it wasn't about a job?

Michael Steadman:
Probably just to taunt us. You don't know this man, Hope.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Yeah, but if he called... I mean it indicates interest and it could mean a job.

Michael Steadman:
Listen. Speculation is pointless with Miles Drentell. The guy is like a bear, you know? You can never tell what he's thinking.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[wistfully] Oh, a job. I can stop playing leapfrog with the Visa cash advances. Oh, and I can stop worrying about them taking the baby to pay for the delivery room.

Michael Steadman:
Here it is. Yeah, I should probably read this, huh?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Is the workshop going to interfere with the job at DAA?

Michael Steadman:
Read my lips: there is no job at DAA.

Ivy Dunbar:
So. I am not going to teach you to be writers. You already are writers. If you weren't, you wouldn't be sitting here, believe me. But you all do need to get past where you are. Past the need to stand between the work and the reader so that he'll know how clever you are. Because good writing, is writing that appears not to have been constructed but to have ripened. Like a banana. The key to this, of course, is honesty. There are no rules in fiction, except honesty. If you learn that, you will have spent your money well.

Michael Steadman:
The clock over the door stood at 2.43. Harrison watched the progress of the minutes. The second hand moved with the thoughtlessness of an underwater plant, caught in a lethargic current. Harrison carefully arranged himself on the stool and listened to the sad, tubercular sighing of the coffee urn. Once again his eyes were drawn back to the clock.

Ivy Dunbar:
[as a customer in the caf? Michael is writing about] Well, this isn't very interesting, is it?

Melissa Steadman:
[as waitress] I don't understand. Michael used to be very imaginative.

Ivy Dunbar:
I'm very disappointed. It lacks focus, intent, detail.

Gary Shepherd:
[as customer reading a newspaper with no print on it] I'll say. Look at this. He's got me reading a blank newspaper!

Michael Steadman:
[narrating] The clock over the door stood at 2.43. Harrison watched the progress of the minutes. People seemed to aimlessly drift like lost, soulless leaves...

Ivy Dunbar:
[as waitress] I know I told you there weren't any rules, but could you tell me exactly why you felt you had to split an infinitive?

Michael Steadman:
[narrating] People drifted through his field of vision like lost, soulless leaves. The sounds of their shoes on the checkerboard tiles was like the dragging of monks' sandals. He singled her out mid motion. No, no, no, no... the coffee shop was empty except for her. She wore her ennui the way lesser women wore diamonds. Her dress was the iridescent black of raven's wings. No, no, no it wasn't! Her dress reminded him of rich, summer burgundy, port, sangria... Jeez! Her frock was the color of polished emeralds. As opposed to what? Unpolished emeralds? He approached the woman in the blue dress. Their eyes met. And they folded themselves into the waiting leather of the booth. The rain in the window streaked a pattern along her face... no, no, no, no, no... the sun through the window bleached... no, no, no, no... neon blinked beyond the window at her side.

Michael Steadman:
[as Harrison] Nice dress.

Michael Steadman:
He said.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[as Woman In The Blue Dress] I'm in mourning.

Michael Steadman:
She replied.

Michael Steadman:
[as Harrison] For what?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
For life?

Michael Steadman:
[narrating] Sorrow went about her like a wet chamois.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What's the point?

Michael Steadman:
She asked the air.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
We move through life, trapped by time and events, our empty days piling up like discarded socks in God's hamper.

Michael Steadman:
She was depressed.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
She was never able to figure out why he had chosen that particular moment to leave. Did he make up his mind during the drive home? Or did he decide to leave in the split second before he told her. He packed a few things in a small gray bag and left. Was she supposed to stop him? Was she supposed to want to stop him? He left, and later she couldn't remember if they'd said 'good-bye' or kissed or shook hands. The only thing she could remember was how dark the house seemed after he'd left. She remembered going from room to room, turning on all the lights.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[as Woman In The Blue Dress] We move through life, trapped by time and events, our empty days piling up like discarded socks in God's hamper.

Michael Steadman:
[as Harrison] She was depressed.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
We struggle, but what does it get us?

Michael Steadman:
Perhaps nothing. Perhaps love.

Michael Steadman:
[narrating] She looked at him and smiled.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
You're a funny sort of a guy, aren't ya?

Michael Steadman:
[narrating] It was a sad smile just the same.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
But I'm afraid, we met a lifetime too late.

Michael Steadman:
[narrating] The door of the coffee shop opened with the sound of a sad bell. He took his eyes off the woman and watched a man walk in.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[standing and pulling out a gun] Clive.

Elliot Weston:
[as Clive] Rebecca! I can explain everything! I mean, really, I can!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
That's the problem, isn't it?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[shooting Clive twelve times with a revolver and collapsing into Harrison's arms with a heavy sigh] We met...

Michael Steadman:
She whispered.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
...at a carnival.

Ivy Dunbar:
[after a stunned, embarrassed silence engulfs the classroom] 'Socks in Gods hamper'?

Michael Steadman:
It was a metaphor.

Ivy Dunbar:
That would be one way to describe it, yes.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
All set.

Matt Enwright:
You know, I've been meaning to ask you something. Will Elliot be getting any credit on this book?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No. Why should he?

Matt Enwright:
Well, Ethan said his dad is the one who told him the story about the prince.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Well, yeah, but...

Matt Enwright:
Well, if it was Elliot's story...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I mean, it's Elliot's story, but it's my book.

Matt Enwright:
[realizing] Oh... Oh.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Hi.

Michael Steadman:
Hi.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
What's cooking?

Michael Steadman:
Chicken Ohmygosh. It used to be Chicken Paprikosh but then I realized we don't have any paprika.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Pretty damned sneaky of you being nice to me when I'm angry at you.

Michael Steadman:
Yeah. Is it working?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Not yet.

Michael Steadman:
I don't want this to come as a shock to you or anything, but, uhm, sometimes I can be pretty thoughtless.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
I wish it was a shock.

Michael Steadman:
Look. I didn't want you to see me crawl to Drentell. I didn't want you to see me turn into somebody other than the man that you married.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
It wouldn't have made any difference to me.

Michael Steadman:
Oh. Well, maybe that's part of what was bothering me. I made promises to you. I don't want you to let me off the hook. I don't want you to... to settle for ten cents on the dollar.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[distracted, looking through work papers] My husband, the Blue Light Special.

Michael Steadman:
I'm going in to talk to Miles tomorrow.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Is that something you want to do?

Michael Steadman:
Yes, I want to do it. Because it's time I do it.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[turning to him] And what about the writing?

Michael Steadman:
The writing. I could take workshops from now till Doomsday. I could wear down enough pencils to make a forest. But I could never make a sentence that means half as much to me as you do.

Michael Steadman:
Watching his straight back walk away, I realized how busy the office had been beyond us. I hadn't noticed it. I had been aware of the sound, but not a human one. I had turned the sounds of the office into the sounds of the storm: rain, thunder... if I had closed my eyes, I might have seen the lighting reflected on our swords.

Ivy Dunbar:
[leaning over his shoulder, very pleased] It's about time.

Michael Steadman:
I just... I want to explain, okay? It's just that the timing of this has been so weird.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Well, I'll try to plan the next miscarriage better.

Michael Steadman:
Wait a second. Hope? Now wait a second.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
What?

Michael Steadman:
Look. Things are out of control right now. I mean, neither of us has a handle on anything. So sometimes it just... it gets hard to figure out priorities.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No. Your priority is your new job.

Michael Steadman:
So what did you want me to do? Did you want me not to take it, Hope?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Of course not.

Michael Steadman:
Okay, so then if I take it I have to do it well, right? Because if I don't do it well, and I mean really well, I mean excel at it, then I'm out, you understand that, right?

Michael Steadman:
[grabbing Hope by the arm when she tries to walk away] Wait a minute.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[pulling her arm away from him] Fine. Go ahead. Excel at it. What do you want me to say?

Michael Steadman:
Okay. Look. I know that it's not that simple.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No. You make it simple. You couldn't be there today because Drentell walked into your office. You couldn't say 'excuse me, Miles, I have an appointment'? If you walked into his office, he would leave. No, you couldn't be there, thinking you were going to lose your job because you had an appointment at your daughter's school?

Michael Steadman:
No! That's not fair.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No, it is that. I mean that's what your priorities are: job, money, family, in that order, and that's doesn't even include throwing sports in there.

Michael Steadman:
Those are not my priorities. Damn it, Hope, see? You don't even know my priorities. I have responsibilities. I mean... I'm the provider here, Hope!

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
I have a job, excuse me!

Michael Steadman:
Okay, you could have been the provider, okay? But we chose to do it this way. And that... that's fine. Okay? I don't have a problem with that. But that means I have a responsibility. Don't make a face at me, Hope! So if I'm out of work for two months. And I find a job...

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
You don't even like this job.

Michael Steadman:
...and I find a job. And I see a chance to breath again. And not have to worry about a budget, or what a new baby needs, everything that goes with a new baby, then your damned right I'm going to work hard at it.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
We don't have a new baby.

Michael Steadman:
Yeah. But we were going to. And we were living off our savings. And we had a mortgage rate that seemed to go up every month. We had bumped-up car insurance rates...

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
And the baby's liabilities outweighed its assets.

Michael Steadman:
No, Hope! That's not what I'm saying.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No, no! Fine. Fine! This was a bad time for me too. I didn't want this baby either.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
You remember when Daddy and I told you about the new baby?

Janey:
Yeah.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Well. There isn't going to be a new baby. Something went wrong and there wasn't anything we could do, it just didn't work out. And uhm... now it makes Mommy and Daddy sad. But we have you and we love you... and someday we'll have a new baby. Huh? Cause you'd really like to have a little brother or a sister, wouldn't you? You could teach it everything. About Softy Bunny and ice cream...

Janey:
And Daddy?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
...and Daddy.

Michael Steadman:
No, no, just to be, you know, just to be in a place where there were empty drawers to fill up, and all these people with expectations and I could worry about not failing because that's easy to worry about. Because if I worried about, you know... oh, God... it just... I just wanted this baby so much, you know? I just really wanted this baby so much. So I just had to push it away.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Why?

Michael Steadman:
I don't know. Because... because there just wasn't room for all that. I guess.

Michael Steadman:
Tell me.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No.

Michael Steadman:
Please?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
What? That I feel like a failure? Because my body failed?

Michael Steadman:
It wasn't you, Hope.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
You know, and I... and I see when you look at me, and I think you blame me.

Michael Steadman:
How could I blame you?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Because I let you down. You didn't lose this baby, I did. And I don't want to go through this again. And I don't want to think that every time we make love, we're going to be afraid. And that I'll think about it.

Michael Steadman:
It's too soon, Hope. It takes time.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
But I don't feel like there is time.

Michael Steadman:
Shhhhhh...

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
I want you to make it all better.

Michael Steadman:
Listen to me. Listen. We'll make another baby.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
But it won't be this baby.

Michael Steadman:
No, it won't.

Michael Steadman:
[holding Hope as she breaks down and weeps against him] Shhhhhh...

Marjorie Warren:
You see, there are two kinds of boys in high school. There are the good-looking ones, the ones on every team, the ones everyone wants. They're the greatest dancers too. And then there are the others... the boys who look as if they'd always rather be somewhere else reading a book, who are shy and awkward. I think you'd call them 'nerds' now. Those are the boys to marry, Ellyn. Those are the boys who tell you secrets, who hold you when you cry in the middle of the night, who want to grow old with you.

Ellyn Warren:
How do you know about this, Mom?

Marjorie Warren:
Because... I married a great dancer.

Ellyn Warren:
Would you and Michael like to be my parents?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Aren't we?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[over telephone] Hello?

Elliot Weston:
Hi. It's me. She's okay. Everything went fine.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Oh, thank God. It... it seemed like so long. I was starting to get worried. Is she awake?

Elliot Weston:
No, no. They're just taking her to Recovery.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Did the doctors say anything?

Elliot Weston:
No, well, I mean, they're real happy. It looked great, very 'contained.' How are the kids?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Oh, they - yeah, they're fine. They're fine. Uhm, Ethan's been a little cranky, but... well, wait, let me put him on. Here you go, Eth. Eth! You're mom's fine. She's doing great!

Ethan Weston:
[into the phone] Mom?

Elliot Weston:
No, no. It's me. Uh, listen, Mom's still asleep from the operation. But everything went great. I mean, it went great. She'll be home before you know it. Okay, pal?

Ethan Weston:
'Kay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Ma?

Eleanor Krieger:
[knitting in her lap] Don't call me 'Ma'. You're not a goat.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
That is the ugliest sweater I have ever seen. I hope it's not for me.

Eleanor Krieger:
Not anymore. Maybe Deborah will want it.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
She won't. Send it to Sue.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
She didn't think it was anything. The doctor found it during a regular check-up.

Melissa Steadman:
Oh my God. Nancy. Chemotherapy? Radiation? What?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Yeah, probably some chemotherapy. I'm not sure.

Melissa Steadman:
Did they know at the book party?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Yep.

Melissa Steadman:
[clearly in shock] My God. Nancy! What about the kids?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
I sat with the kids on Saturday.

Melissa Steadman:
Anything we can do for them?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No. I don't think so.

Dr. Silverman:
So where's my book?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Elliot?

Elliot Weston:
[blowing into a thermometer as if it were a toy] Oh yeah, sure.

Dr. Silverman:
[prodding at Nancy's incision] Does that hurt?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Oh! Of course it does! What do you think?

Eleanor Krieger:
[chastising] Nancy!

Dr. Silverman:
So I hear you want to go home, huh?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[irritable] Who doesn't?

Dr. Silverman:
You look pretty good. Maybe Wednesday or Thursday. We'll talk to Doctor Verney about it.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Great.

Dr. Silverman:
You got somebody to help you? There's no driving for four weeks post-op.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[incredulous, rolling her eyes] I can't drive without ovaries?

Dr. Silverman:
[laughing] It's meant to keep you home; make you crazy.

Delivery Lady:
Mrs. Weston?

Elliot Weston:
Yeah, that's us. What is that?

Delivery Lady:
[holding a strange-looking, stuffed bird] Beats me.

Eleanor Krieger:
What is this thing? [taking a candy from the bird and popping it into her mouth] Mmmm, raspberry! Who wants some?

Dr. Silverman:
Ooh, I love raspberry! They have soft centers?

Eleanor Krieger:
[sucking on a candy] Can't tell yet.

Elliot Weston:
[reading the card] Look, it's from David and Lynn!

Dr. Silverman:
[back to Nancy to whom no one has offered a candy] You're not going to do too much when you get home, right?

Elliot Weston:
[before Nancy can answer] Naw, we're not going to allow it, are we Eleanor?

Eleanor Krieger:
Nope. [sucking on the candy some more and scowling] Not soft. Hard.

Dr. Silverman:
[disappointed] Mmph.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[making Eleanor turn and listen] So, tell me about chemotherapy.

Dr. Silverman:
I want to get the final pathology. I'm hoping it'll be minimal. It's a few weeks down the line. [to Eleanor about the candy] Can I have some more of these?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[distracted] Sure.

Dr. Silverman:
[handing Nancy the book] Here. Sign this.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What should I say?

Dr. Silverman:
I don't know. You're the writer.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[to Elliot] Shouldn't you be home?

Elliot Weston:
No, the kids are having dinner at the Mitchell's tonight.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Britty hates Coco Mitchell! She bites!

[Elliot just makes a face at her]

Dr. Silverman:
[taking the book back from Nancy] Thanks.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Sure.

Dr. Silverman:
We'll see you tomorrow?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
'Kay.

Elliot Weston:
[to Dr. Silverman] Can I talk to you for a sec?

Dr. Silverman:
Mmm-huh.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Elliot?

Elliot Weston:
[back towards Nancy as he walks the doctor out of the room] Just a sec.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[looking at her mom, irritated] What does he need to say that he can't say it in front of me?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[on the phone with Ethan] So, when is the science fair? Okay. Well, just tell Daddy, sweetie, and he'll pick it up for you at the market.

Eleanor Krieger:
What's he need? I'll get it.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[waving her mom off] Okay. Well, here comes a kiss... Well, I don't care if you want one or not, buster! Here it comes!

Eleanor Krieger:
You look like you've... gained a little weight.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[exchanging a quiet look with Nancy] I wouldn't know. My bathroom scale hasn't worked since Allison tried to weigh her goldfish on it.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[laughing, squirming, pointing at her incision] Oh, don't make me laugh! Don't!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[taking the pillow Eleanor had just put behind Nancy and putting it across Nancy's stomach] She did! She took the scale up to her bedroom, and she tried to lift the whole aquarium on to it - hold that tight - and of course the whole thing spilled out, all over everything. We're still looking for one of those fish. We can smell it, but we can't find it!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[seeing the strange looking bird] What is this?

Eleanor Krieger:
Raspberry candies. Want some?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
You ask me if I've gained weight and you offer me candy?

Eleanor Krieger:
I didn't mean anything.

Ellyn Warren:
[with exaggerated sympathy] Hi.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Hi.

Ellyn Warren:
[with true surprise] Gee, you look great, Nancy! How are you feeling?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Oh, it just hurts from the cut.

Ellyn Warren:
Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, I bet it does. Ugh.

Ellyn Warren:
So, uhm. How are... how are your kids?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Oh, they're great. They can't wait for Nancy to get home.

Ellyn Warren:
Oh, I bet.

Ellyn Warren:
You know, Nancy. If there's anything that I can do. You know, I'm going downtown, maybe, help you...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, we have everything. But thanks.

Ellyn Warren:
I mean, I could maybe babysit for the kids or something?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[clearly shocked, but recovering quickly] Oh, that's nice. Thanks.

Ellyn Warren:
'Kay. I was so sorry when Hope told me about... you know...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
About the cancer?

Ellyn Warren:
Yeah, that's such a shock!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[combing through her wet hair a bit roughly] Yeah, I was shocked too.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[after a very long, very awkward silence] So, Nancy, how's the book coming?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Well, it's only been in the stores for a week, you guys.

Ellyn Warren:
Oh! Your book! I saw it. I saw it! I was going by Wannamaker's and it was just sitting in the window as a - on display!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
My kids were so thrilled they took theirs to school.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Oh, that is so cute!

Ellyn Warren:
Well, uhm, look, I've uhm, got a meeting that I'm twenty minutes late for, so I was just gonna say 'hi'...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[polite] Hi.

Ellyn Warren:
...and drop some banana bread over and just...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[polite] Thanks.

Ellyn Warren:
[leaning in to give Nancy a kiss on the cheek, but not quite succeeding]... I don't know. 'Kay. Uhm, 'bye. Anyway, 'bye.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
'Bye.

Ellyn Warren:
[tripping on her way out] Oh! Sorry. 'Bye.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[looking very embarrassed for Ellyn] 'Bye...

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[after she departs] The Big C really gets 'em, huh?

[Nancy just continues to comb through her wet hair roughly]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Hello?

Brittany Weston:
Mommy's home!

Elliot Weston:
Hi!

Ethan Weston:
Mom! Mom!

Elliot Weston:
Whoa, whoa! Easy, easy, pal. Easy!

Ethan Weston:
Dad, you were supposed to bring her through the front door!

Elliot Weston:
[laughing] Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot!

Ethan Weston:
[pointing out the 'welcome home' banner they made for their mom] Look, Mom. Look. Look!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Oh, that is beautiful! Thank you, you guys. That is just great. I love it. It's the best welcome home present ever!

Brittany Weston:
I did the heart one!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
You did? Yeah, I can tell. That's beautiful!

Ethan Weston:
Are you feeling better now, Mom?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[drawing Ethan and Brittany to her] Oh, I feel infinitely better now. Thank you.

Brittany Weston:
Did you bring me a present?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Do I have a present?

[Nancy laughs and kisses her daughter as Elliot and the others look on]

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[coming in from the cold outside] Ugh. Good morning.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Hi. Where were you last night?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
At Mother's. She gave me the key. Don't worry, she'll be over here soon.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I thought you were going to stay here. Why don't you just stay here?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Well, I thought it'd be too much trouble. The chaos, you know.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
And you didn't murder her last night? I'm shocked!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Hmm... Don't be so sure.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
So what happened?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[picking up a little] Oh, nothing. She just insinuated that my marriage was a failure, my children were abused, my life is bankrupt... the usual.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
She doesn't think that.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Of course she does!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[from the kitchen] How you feeling this morning?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Pretty good. You know, there's coffee in there!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
You sleep okay?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah, okay.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Any pain?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Not much.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[sitting down with her cup of coffee] Just scared, huh?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Can I have the sugar?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
You know, you haven't seen her for two years. You should cut her some slack.

[Deborah just rolls her eyes]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Anyways. Thanks for coming.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Hey! Anything to get away from my kids. [they laugh] That's bull. I'm really scared out of my mind about you.

Elliot Weston:
[Nancy and Deborah turn as the front door opens. It is Elliot] Hey, Jules!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Hi, Jules.

Elliot Weston:
Hey. This is just like a soap opera, right? Two sisters sitting around drinking coffee after their husbands have gone to work? Talking about who's really the father of their children?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Well, never ask, Jules. Never ask.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[seeing the bundle of items in Elliot's hands] What's that?

Elliot Weston:
Heidi Geisler made Tuna Divan. And I'm guessing - banana bread.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[rolling her eyes and mouthing] Banana bread.

Elliot Weston:
[picking up more dirty dishes] So. How's Eleanor?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
In rare form. She'll be over here soon.

Elliot Weston:
[to Deborah] Hey. Don't offer to help or anything.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
I won't.

Elliot Weston:
So. Nancy really looks great, doesn't she?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
She does.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[annoyed] Why are you talking about me as if I'm not even here?

Elliot Weston:
So. Tuna Divan a la Heidi for dinner tonight? Plus the rest of the turkey the Brooks brought. And I've arranged for Ethan to go to Nic - [Elliot tries to pick up Nancy's coffee cup]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[taking it back] That's mine, that's mine!

Elliot Weston:
Oh. And I've arranged for Ethan to go to Nicholas's after school today. [He runs to the phone as it rings]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
The machine's on.

Elliot Weston:
[running back] Okay. Uhm, Britty? She's gonna go to ballet with Donna's mom, and the rest of the dry cleaning I'm going to pick up on my way home. Okay?

Barbara:
[via phone machine] Nancy, it's Barbara. I'm sorry. I just can't stop crying...

Elliot Weston:
Listen, if Rose from the insurance company calls, have her call me at the office, okay? And uh, uh, listen. Mrs. Rogers, the cleaning lady? She's going to come tomorrow, so just leave her tomato sauce in the back of the refrigerator and just forget about it.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Elliot...

Elliot Weston:
Everything's under control.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I wish the kids would come here after school.

Elliot Weston:
Nope. We're going to keep it quiet whether you like it or not.

Elliot Weston:
[kissing her on the head and then her sister] hey. I gotta go. I got a meeting.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Well, never fear. Deb's here.

Elliot Weston:
Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. Listen, you go back to bed, you hear?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I hear ya.

Elliot Weston:
I mean it.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[annoyed] Elliot.

Elliot Weston:
[waggling his fingers at them] I gotta go. 'Bye, Jules.

Elliot Weston:
'Bye, Jules.

[Elliot runs out. As soon as he closes the front door the back door opens]

Eleanor Krieger:
[calling from the back door] Anybody home?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[looking at Deb, deadpan] It is a soap opera.

[Michael looks up to see Miles expressing sympathy to Elliot. After, he catches Elliot's eye who comes over to him]

Elliot Weston:
[shuddering] Eeeww. The only thing worse than Miles being Miles is Miles being nice. Aren't you supposed to be creatively directing something someplace?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What time is it?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[checking her watch] Mmmm... a quarter to six.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
The kids should have come home after school.

Eleanor Krieger:
[from the kitchen] Deborah?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Yeah, Ma?

Eleanor Krieger:
Please set the table.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[under her breath to Nancy] Takes thirty years off my life. [louder] Okay! You know she asked me if I wanted that hideous sweater she's making? Now that's an intentional insult!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, no, she started it for me first.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Oh! Well, it's a different intentional insult!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[giggling] Stop!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[giving Nancy her pillow to put on her stomach again] You think she'd be nice to me if I got cancer?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[still giggling] Stop it! Hey, why don't you stay here tonight?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Should I?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Oh, come on. Please?

Eleanor Krieger:
[impatient, from kitchen] Deborah!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Okay! [whispering to Nancy] It's that ultimate tone. Maternal disapproval. I could never get that. 'Deborah!' 'Deborah!'

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[following suit] 'Deborah!'

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
'De-bo-rah!'

Eleanor Krieger:
[coming into the room from the kitchen] Deborah!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[giggling with Nancy like girls and then finally getting up] Okay! God! Jeez.

Eleanor Krieger:
Such a slow poke! I called you twice!

Gary Shepherd:
Stage One C? What is that? Good or bad? What does that mean?

Melissa Steadman:
It could be worse. It was very contained, but there were a small number of cells outside the ovary. Bad cells.

Michael Steadman:
It means she has to have chemo.

Melissa Steadman:
Yeah, mild course. Six to twelve cycles.

Gary Shepherd:
Oh, God.

Melissa Steadman:
She's going to be pretty sick.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Well. How do you know all this?

Melissa Steadman:
I called Vicky Mercer and Robby Schloss.

Michael Steadman:
You called Robby Schloss?

Melissa Steadman:
That's how scared I am.

Gary Shepherd:
Oh, God. Poor Nancy!

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[visibly showing in her pregnancy] She must hate me every time she sees me.

Melissa Steadman:
Oh, Hope.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
I mean she had a complete hysterectomy. They took out her ovaries and everything.

Melissa Steadman:
They didn't want anymore kids, did they?

Gary Shepherd:
Did they?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
I don't think so, but they took everything out and she still might die.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[having opened the door to Hope] Hi.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Hi. I just wanted to bring this stuff by.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Oh, you really gotta stop doing this.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Oh, it's okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[holding up a bundle wrapped in aluminum foil with a bright red ribbon] Banana bread?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
How did you know?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Just guessed. Thanks.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
It's okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Come on in. You want some tea?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Oh, no, I've gotta go pick up Janey, and I just wanted to drop this stuff off... oh, and let you know that I'll take Ethan and Britty for dinner tonight.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, you don't have to do that for...

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No, really. It's okay. I don't...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[sharply] No! [then, looking at Hope who is a little taken aback] I know that you are just trying to help. I know everybody is just trying to help, but I don't need help with Ethan and Brittany.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Okay. I'm sorry.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
It's just... I want to be with them.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[realizing] I'm sorry. I didn't think.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[feeling badly now] But if my vacuum cleaner needs repair or something like that, I'll give you a call. Okay?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[smiling] Okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[as phone rings again] Damn.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[rushing out] I've gotta go anyway. I'll call you later.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[seeing her friend to the door regretfully] Okay.

Elliot Weston:
[recorded on phone machine] Hi. We can't come to the phone right now, but please leave a message and we'll get back to ya.

Gary Shepherd:
[over phone machine] Nance, hi. It's Gary. Listen. Uh, this is our weekly night for junk food and we thought we'd just swing by and pick up Ethan and Brittany and take them out...

[Nancy just goes over and lowers the volume of the machine so she can no longer hear it]

Elliot Weston:
Oh, that's nice. You're working.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[sighing] I'm trying. Uhm. It feels funny.

Elliot Weston:
What?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
The gap between who I was and who I am now.

Elliot Weston:
What are you talking about? You're the same person you always were. And I love you.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah, but you know what I mean. Everything... nothing is quite the same color anymore.

Elliot Weston:
Nance. Everything's the same color. You're the same, I'm the same. I love you.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
But let me...

Elliot Weston:
I'll take care of you.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No. Let me talk.

Elliot Weston:
What?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[but unable, or unwilling, to explain it after all] I don't know.

Eleanor Krieger:
[as Deborah tries to ignore them] It's not fair. I have a whole room for her, and it's so crowded here.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I want her here.

Eleanor Krieger:
You need some peace and quiet.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[definite] I said I want her here.

[Elliot enters, shaking off the cold from outside but quickly realizing that the temperature within is not any warmer]

Eleanor Krieger:
Suit yourselves.

Eleanor Krieger:
You're dressed up. Sort of.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah, I'm going to the Art Center. They're mounting a student shut-in, so I said I'd...

Eleanor Krieger:
You're not going back to work!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No. I just need to get out of here.

Eleanor Krieger:
Please, don't try to do too much.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I won't.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Leave her alone, Ma.

Eleanor Krieger:
The doctors said it was important for you to...

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
We all know what the doctors said.

Eleanor Krieger:
We don't want to second-guess the doctors.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Why not? They're not infallible.

Eleanor Krieger:
Please, don't.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
What?

Eleanor Krieger:
It's important for Nancy to trust her doctors. She needs to know that...

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Look, I have seen a hundred cases like this. And I know that what you're...

Eleanor Krieger:
You're not an MD.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Thanks to you!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[as the doorbell rings] That's my cab.

Eleanor Krieger:
Your cab?

Elliot Weston:
Honey, I'll give you a ride.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, that's all right. I'm fine.

Elliot Weston:
You need some cash?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[going out the door] Oh, for goodness sakes, I had a hysterectomy not a lobotomy!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[once Nancy departs] She's not a baby, Ma.

Eleanor Krieger:
Don't tell me she's not a baby.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Well, you're treating her like a child!

Eleanor Krieger:
[turning on Deborah] You don't want to see me for two years, fine. I can take it. But I'll tell you what I can't take. I can't take your, your stupid, selfish refusal, either of you! To see that that is my baby there. That is my baby whose body they cut up, who could die, and I can't do anything. Nothing! There's nothing I can do to help her except not let her see that this is killing me too!

[Eleanor storms out to leave Deborah and Elliot there in subdued silence]

Michael Steadman:
So, you like Philadelphia? You've been here before?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Yeah, a few times.

Michael Steadman:
Really? That's nice though.

Elliot Weston:
[coming in from the Steadman kitchen with a cup of coffee] Hey!

Michael Steadman:
[seeing that Elliot has a hangover] Hey. How's the head, Elliot?

Elliot Weston:
Hey, c'mon!

Michael Steadman:
[waggling his fingers in front of Elliot's eyes] Is everything going WAH WAH WAH?

Elliot Weston:
Easy, easy! Are you psychotic? You think that's funny?

Elliot Weston:
And the most impressive thing is how well, I mean no, honest to God, it's really selling. It's really selling. I mean - we got a preliminary report from the publishers and it's all computerized now so you can track exactly where it's selling, who's buying it, what breakfast cereals they eat in the morning... I mean it's great! No, it really is, and Nancy was...

[Elliot turns to see that Nancy has fallen asleep in her chair]

Elliot Weston:
How long has she been asleep?

Eleanor Krieger:
About five minutes.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Poor baby.

Elliot Weston:
She tried to do too much today. Honey?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[roused by Elliot] Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. I was tired.

Elliot Weston:
It's okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What?

Elliot Weston:
It's okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, it is not okay. It's not okay to fall asleep during dinnertime. That is not okay.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
We know you're tired.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[irritated] Yes, I am tired. I have just had half of my insides removed, and I'm going to start chemotherapy in a week or two, so yes, I am tired. I'm tired of thinking. [looking around at them] What - why were you whispering? I mean, what were you talking about?

Michael Steadman:
We were just talking about how well your book's doing, Nance.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Apparently. Gives new meaning to the words 'publish or perish', doesn't it?

[Nancy exchanges a tiny smirk with her sister when nobody laughs]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[breaking the awkward silence] Could I have some coffee?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[about to get up] Yeah. Sure.

Michael Steadman:
[already up] I got it. You want something in it?

Elliot Weston:
Look, I can understand that you felt irritated.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Can you?

Elliot Weston:
I - why that tone? Why are you doing that?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What tone?

Elliot Weston:
Everybody cares about you. Don't you know that?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Then why won't anyone let me talk?

Elliot Weston:
They let you talk.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No one will let me talk the way that I want to talk. Everyone expects me to be this graceful invalid, this cheerful cripple.

Elliot Weston:
No one thinks you're a cripple.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah, well maybe they should.

Elliot Weston:
Nobody expects you to be cheerful.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Sure they do. You do. You're the worst.

Elliot Weston:
Nancy!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[getting her sleeping socks on and pulling back the bedding] Look. Elliot, what has happened to me is horrible. It is filthy, it is disgusting. I am not gracious. I am not cheerful. I wish that you would understand that. I wish that somebody would just understand that. Seventy-seven percent, five years survival. The other twenty-three percent, dead. Horribly, painfully dead! I am not gracious, and I am not cheerful! Okay?

Elliot Weston:
Okay.

Elliot Weston:
[muttering under his breath as Nancy gets into bed behind him] Seventy-seven point six percent.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[irritable] What?

Elliot Weston:
[correcting her] Seventy-seven point six percent, five year survival.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Shut up now.

[Nancy turns out the light. Elliot pushes back and lays next to her, folding his hands over his lap rather like a corpse, and just puts his head against her shoulder apologetically]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[turning on a light] Hey, Deb.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[abruptly; groaning] I'm up. I'm up.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[going over to sit with her sister on the couch] Hey, later. Maybe we could meet somewhere. Maybe Sue could join us, you know, just the three of us?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Some place with room service and a hot tub.

Eleanor Krieger:
[entering from the kitchen] Who wants breakfast?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, thanks. I promised the kids I'd make 'em waffles.

Eleanor Krieger:
Deb? I'm making eggs.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[grimacing] Oh, I couldn't possibly face eggs this morning.

Eleanor Krieger:
You should eat something.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[turning back to her, incredulous] Why? 'Looks like you've gained weight, Deborah', that's the first thing you said to me when I got here.

Eleanor Krieger:
I didn't mean anything.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Well. You hadn't seen me in two years, the first thing you did was criticize.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
She wasn't criticizing. You have gained weight, big deal? What do you want from her anyway?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[pouty, thinking about it] I don't know. Ma? What do I want from you anyway?

Eleanor Krieger:
Beats me. Always has.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
You can call me, you know. If you need any help translating the doctors or anything. Just call me, all right?

Elliot Weston:
[getting his chicks in a row] Oh, all right. Okay. All right. Okay. You've been great. Everybody's been great. C'mon. Ethan! Brittany! C'mon. Let's put this stuff in Grandma's car. C'mon.

Eleanor Krieger:
I've got the car running.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[handing Ethan a bag] Take this, can you take this for Deb? Okay. Just take it out to the car.

[Nancy closes the door after everybody but before Deborah can leave. She hugs her sister and starts to cry]

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
You take care of yourself too, okay?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Who am I going to talk to now?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Oh, anybody. Talk to Elliot. Make him listen, okay? Make him listen. And you'll call me, and I'll call you. I'm going back to Indiana, I'm not going back to Mars!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[tearful] Okay. 'Kay.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[reassuring] 'Kay. Okay.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[opening the door] 'Bye 'bye, sweetie.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
'Bye.

[Nancy cries as she looks out the window and watches her sister say goodbye to Elliot and the kids. Deb gets into the car and waves as she and her mother pull away]

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[as Grendal barks in the snow] Grendal! C'mon! Leave that squirrel alone, would you please? Good boy! C'mon! You silly dog! Good boy. C'mon!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Does he ever catch 'em?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No, of course not!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Oh, life is hard for a dog.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Oh, yeah, right.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Deb left this morning.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
You're going to miss her.

[they go through two bundles of letters to check for postage before dropping them in the box]

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[looking at Nancy, uneasy] I'm sorry for not always knowing the right thing to say.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, that's all right. I don't know the right things to say either.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
I mean. Just tell me if I say something stupid. It's just so scary.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I know.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Are you scared?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Are you kidding?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
When I was about to have Janey. I don't know how to say this, but uhm... I felt like I was...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[grinning broadly] Like you were in a permanent state of bliss?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Yeah, yeah. I was, but I, uhm... you know, besides all the happy stuff, underneath...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[realizing] What?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[when Hope doesn't answer right away] What?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[a bit lost in her thoughts] Uhm. I felt like I was going into this tunnel. And then the tunnel went way down, deep. And uhm, I couldn't turn back, I had to go through it and come out the other side, and it was about coming close to dying, and about having my body ripped apart, and blood and pain and, you know, because it's not about drugs, and doctors, and hospitals. It's about, uhm, blood, and pain, and uhm, brushing real close to dying. I'm not saying I know what you're going through, I'm just trying to understand. I mean, maybe - maybe your tunnel is different. I mean, maybe it... oh, maybe it's not even a tunnel. I'm sorry.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[as Hope gives up and walks away] It is a different tunnel. And it's so deep that I keep screaming and yelling and no one seems to be able to hear me.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
I'll try to hear.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
This is what it is. I mean, this is one thing. I get this feeling, right here, this panic? Ethan... I mean, Ethan is big. He's out in the world everyday, and I've done my work with him. You know, the real work. But Britty. I mean, she's still a baby somehow, she's still a part of me. Now if I die, I mean that would be horrible for Ethan, but he will survive. I mean, it'll be a burden, but he will survive. But Britty, if I die... well, I'll be abandoning her. She's not whole yet. She won't understand. She'll just think that I walked out on her.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[swallowing a sob] Oh, God.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
She won't remember me. Ethan will. But Britty will not remember me.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
You know, in the mornings when I first wake up? It's like swimming up from sleep and, in those first few moments I feel just like me. I feel like I've always felt since I was born. And then it hits me. Cancer. I mean, it literally hits me before I'm even awake yet. It is this burden, this massive weight that I have to strap on my shoulders and carry about until I get to go to sleep again that night. And sometimes I would just like to let it drown me. But then I think of the kids, and I know I can't let that happen.

Elliot Weston:
[clearly displeased] Nancy.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What?

Elliot Weston:
Aw, Hon. It was just so nice there for a minute.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[realizing] Oh. Sorry.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[after a long pause] It's so hard not to look for someone to blame.

Elliot Weston:
[frustrated] We've been through this. I won't let you blame yourself, all right?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, I don't blame myself. But you blame me, don't you?

Elliot Weston:
That's... that's crazy! I wouldn't blame you!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Sometimes things can be crazy, but they're still true. I mean - it is crazy that I may be dead real soon, but it's true.

Elliot Weston:
Nancy, please!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Don't ask me not to speak the truth.

Elliot Weston:
I wouldn't do that.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I think you are.

Elliot Weston:
[suddenly helpless] I just got you back, Nance. I just got you back.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I just got you back. We've got to figure this out.

Elliot Weston:
[allowing her to draw him close] Help me.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I'll try.

Elliot Weston:
But I'm supposed to be helping you.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
It's not a one or the other thing.

Ethan Weston:
Oh, Dad, watch this part! Watch what he does!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Do you want another piece, Britty?

Brittany Weston:
I want one of that kind.

[the Weston family is eating pizza and watching an old Errol Flynn movie on the t.v]

Ethan Weston:
Oh! Just missed him.

Elliot Weston:
[as Britty climbs over him] Ey! Who's that on my back? [to Nancy] Hey. You've got something on your... it must be tomato sauce.

[Nancy wipes at her cheek and her chin with a napkin]

Elliot Weston:
Other side. Other side.

[Elliot goes over and instead of wiping the sauce off for her, decides to kiss it away, making her laugh]

Ethan Weston:
Oh, wow! How'd he do that? Did he really do that? Or was it a stunt man?

Brittany Weston:
Here comes Robin Hood!

[Elliot and Nancy set the pizza box aside and settle in, Elliot careful of her incision. She leans back against him and he kisses her, his arms around her protectively]

Gary Shepherd:
Oh, you've got Alice in Wonderland.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, I had Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. They were my favorites. But the kids, it was probably Ethan, I think he probably traded it for a bologna sandwich.

Gary Shepherd:
I probably shouldn't admit this, but I've never read Through the Looking Glass.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Oh? You should. They're great. They're both... well, Alice was such a great heroine. She was so... plucky. And I loved the way she would get so big and then she'd get so little. I always wanted to do that. To find a magic bottle that said 'drink me.' Like now. I would love to find a little bottle or go through the Looking Glass.

Gary Shepherd:
[looking at Nancy sympathetically] It's going to be okay, you know.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[reassuring] I know.

Ethan:
If you die will you go to Heaven?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I'm not gonna die.

Ethan:
But if you did, would you go to Heaven?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I hope so.

Ethan:
What's Heaven like?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I don't know. I guess it's whatever you want it to be like.

Brittany Weston:
[shyly] Is there tv?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[making a face] Probably. PBS...

Ethan:
In Heaven are you sick? Or all better?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[confidently] All better.

Elliot Weston:
[alone in a men's room stall, weeping uncontrollably] I don't understand why these things happen. Please, God, Please make her okay. Anything, God. I'll do anything. I'll give up anything. Just please... please make her okay. Please make her okay.

Elliot Weston:
Nancy? [becoming alarmed seeing Nancy just standing at the window] Nancy?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[turning to him] It's good news, Elliot. It's the best possible news. I just had to get up. I had to get up and look out and just see. I mean there's lights and there's the ice and it's sparkling and everything is shining and it's just a parking lot, isn't it? Isn't it?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[reading the inscription Gary put in the book he got for her] 'To another Alice. See page three-forty-six. Love, Gary.'

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[turning to the last page] 'In a wonderland they lie, dreaming as the days go by, dreaming as the summers die, ever drifting down the stream, lingering in the golden gleam... life, what is it, but a dream?'

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[arriving home] Amy! Hi! Janey?

Amy:
We're in here. She loves Van Morrison.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Do you want to dance, munchkin? Do you want to dance with Mommy? Yeah. Okay honey, it's you and me.

Van Morrison:
[playing while Hope dances with Janey and they move into the sun room]... Sail right round all the seven oceans... drop it straight into the deep blue sea... she's as sweet as Tupelo honey... she's an angel of the first degree... she's as sweet, she's as sweet as Tupelo honey... just like honey, baby... from the bee.