Thirtysomething

Thirtysomething

Thirtysomething (stylized as thirtysomething) is an American drama television series created by Ed Zwick and Marshall Herskovitz for ABC that aired from 1987 to 1991. It is about a group of Baby Boomers in their thirties who live in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and how they handle the yuppie lifestyle that dominated American culture during the 1980s given their involvement in the early 1970s counterculture as young adults. Kathie Broyles changed the show's original title, Thirty Something, to the uncapitalized thirtysomething. It premiered in the United States on September 29, 1987, and ran for four seasons until it was cancelled in May 1991 because the ratings had dropped and Zwick and Herskovitz moved on to other projects. The series won 13 Primetime Emmy Awards, out of 41 nominations, and two Golden Globe Awards.

Year:
1987
2,155 Views

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I saw Doctor Silverman today.

Elliot Weston:
Yeah, she give you The Pill?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
She gave me The Pill.

Elliot Weston:
Greeeat.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
And she also took this picture, with the ultra sound thing, you know, like when I was pregnant...

[Elliot looks up from his bowl of ice-cream in immediate alarm]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
...only I'm not, and uhm, she's found this little thing.

Elliot Weston:
[looking up at her again] What thing?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Well, she thought, but she was wrong, that it was some kind of early fibroid.

Elliot Weston:
Wait, wait, wait. Fibroid? What's that?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Nothing. I mean, it's something, but it doesn't really matter because it wasn't the thing, the fibroid thing, so she was wrong about that.

Ethan Weston:
[from his room] Mom!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Just a minute, honey! [to Elliot] Uhm, so it was nothing.

Elliot Weston:
Well, that's good.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Right. I know. it's just uhm, it's just that my ovary, either my right one or my left one has dropped behind my uterus, and she just, you know, wants to do a test.

Elliot Weston:
A test? You said it was nothing.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Well, it is basically. I mean that's what Doctor Silverman said. She just wants to look inside with this periscope...

Elliot Weston:
Wait a - what, a periscope? What is - what is that? What is this periscope?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
It's called a laperoscomy. I mean, I've got a pamphlet. Wait, wait, let me show you.

Elliot Weston:
[grabbing her arm] Nance, whoa, whoa, wait wait wait. When are you going to do this periscope thing?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Whenever.

Elliot Weston:
When?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Friday.

Elliot Weston:
Friday? This Friday? Like day-after-tomorrow Friday?

Michael Steadman:
You're amazing! You're amazing. I mean, we aced that meeting.

Elliot Weston:
You think so?

Michael Steadman:
Are you kidding me? Did you see the client? He was drooling. I mean, he could practically smell the money.

Elliot Weston:
You think so?

Michael Steadman:
Tonight? We're celebrating tonight. The four of us. Hey, Katherine? Katherine! Would you get my wife on the phone? [to Elliot] Where do you want to go?

Elliot Weston:
Mike, I don't know.

Michael Steadman:
C'mon, name it. It's on me.

Elliot Weston:
Mike, I don't know. I don't know. You pick it.

Katherine:
[beeping on intercom] Hope's on five-seven-three-eight.

Michael Steadman:
[on phone with Hope] Hi, honey. Good. Listen, do you think there's any way we can get a sitter for tonight? Really? Oh, that's good. Okay, would you try to call her? Yeah? Good. I have a little surprise. Yeah. Okay. I'll call - no, you call me back. Okay. Good. I miss you too. Okay. Bye, sweetie.

Michael Steadman:
[to Elliot] Le Bec Fin. Hope loves Le Bec Fin. Katherine? Hey, Katherine! Katherine, would you, uhm, see about getting reservations for tonight?

Elliot Weston:
[realizing, changing his mind] Michael...

Michael Steadman:
Wait a second. Four for tonight at Le Bec Fin? Eight o'clock? Thank you.

Elliot Weston:
Mike. About tonight...

Katherine:
[beeping] Hope's on the line. She says she can get a sitter and what's the surprise?

Michael Steadman:
Uh, just tell her to hold on a second? [to Elliot] Do you want us to pick you up? Seven thirty?

Elliot Weston:
[reluctantly] No, Mike. Michael, I don't think tonight is going to be good for us. For Nancy.

Michael Steadman:
Oh. Uh, tomorrow?

Elliot Weston:
[very reluctantly] I don't know about tomorrow. You see... uhm... Nancy's... she's sick. Nancy's uhm...

Michael Steadman:
[not getting it] She's sick?

Elliot Weston:
Yeah. Yeah, she's sick, Mike. She's got cancer.

[Michael pales as the news hits home with him]

Elliot Weston:
So I'm sorry, okay?

Michael Steadman:
[quietly] Okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What are you doing?

Ethan Weston:
What's it look like?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
It looks like you're playing with your Dino Riders.

[Ethan just continues to play]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Can I come in for a few minutes?

Ethan Weston:
It's a free country.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
You're right. It is.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[going over and taking a seat on the floor with Ethan] I know that you're still mad at me for yelling at you on Saturday.

Ethan Weston:
I'm not mad.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No. Okay. You're not. But even if you are, I'm sorry for that. Okay? I want to apologize. And also, because...

Ethan Weston:
Because what?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I want to talk to you about something.

Ethan Weston:
What?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Well, I have to tell you the truth. That is, I have to tell you the truth because you know me so well, I can't lie to you. But you don't have to be a big boy or anything. I just can't lie to you. There is something wrong with me, Ethan. I'm sick. And I don't know how sick yet, but I'm going to find out really soon. Daddy's going to take me to the hospital on Saturday and then they'll find out what's wrong, and once they know what's wrong they'll figure out how to make it better. And I could tell you that everything's going to be all right and you don't have to worry, but that really wouldn't be the truth, really. So that's the truth. That's all.

Ethan Weston:
Are you gonna die?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I don't know. I don't think so. But I don't know.

Ethan Weston:
'Kay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Okay.

Melissa Steadman:
Ellyn, listen. Uhm. A lot of stuff's been coming up for me lately.

Ellyn Warren:
Oh, I know. It must be really hard with your family and all, huh?

Melissa Steadman:
Well, you know, it really has to do with your project.

Ellyn Warren:
Oh, that's okay. Just show me what you did the other day.

Melissa Steadman:
Well, see, it's about the prints, I didn't have time to print.

Ellyn Warren:
[clearly displeased] Oh. Okay.

Melissa Steadman:
Well, I told you about last night, right?

Ellyn Warren:
No, no. I know, I know, I know.

Melissa Steadman:
It's not about last night...

Ellyn Warren:
[a bit gruffly] Well, do you have time to do it now?

Melissa Steadman:
[pacing nervously] No. Uhm. It's just that, well, they moved the magazine's deadline up. You know, the piece I was doing? So I had to prep the shoot, do the shoot, get the proofs done, turn them in... so I haven't had time to print, but I called Russel to see if he could do it.

Ellyn Warren:
When can he do it?

Melissa Steadman:
Well, he can do it next week, if that's not too late. I mean, if that's all right.

Ellyn Warren:
Uhm. I just have to think.

Melissa Steadman:
And if it's not, just say the world, and I'll...

Ellyn Warren:
No, I just have to think...

Ellyn Warren:
[after a clear moment of stress, looking up and smiling] Yeah. It's all right. Because, uh, this is exactly what I've been trying to work on in my therapy. This is the kind of thing that would get me into trouble before, you know? Not being able to 'roll with the punches' as it were?

Melissa Steadman:
Well, if it's not, you know, I can come home tonight. I can do it tonight, you know? I could stay up late and do it.

Ellyn Warren:
No, no, it's really... Melissa... well... why didn't you just say 'no'?

Melissa Steadman:
I don't know.

Melissa Steadman:
[thinking about it] You're my friend. I didn't want to let you down.

Melissa Steadman:
Nana, really. I'd really rather talk here.

Rose Waldman:
Okay. Go on, go on. Talk, talk.

Melissa Steadman:
Nana, what you want me to do. What you've offered me. It's incredible! The store. It's your life. I'll always be grateful that you wanted me to take it, that you saw me that way.

Rose Waldman:
Melissa. I see you in this business with me. Till I die, and then it's yours. I was rich a long time ago. I could have stopped, but I didn't. I had to get this ready to give to someone.

Melissa Steadman:
But you've given me so much already. How can I ever thank you?

Rose Waldman:
I don't want you to thank me. I want to help you.

Melissa Steadman:
I don't need you to help me.

Rose Waldman:
Yes, you do. I know what's good for you.

Melissa Steadman:
Nana, the store, it's... I wouldn't be happy. It's not my life.

Rose Waldman:
[laughing sarcastically] Your life? What's your life? You snap a few pictures, you live like a bum, you dress like a freak. Do you have a meaningful relationship? A husband? A family? Oh. You want to be free. Independent. Great! But you don't fool me, Melissa. You never have. I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't know what is best for the people I love!

Melissa Steadman:
You don't know what's best for me.

Rose Waldman:
Yes I do.

Melissa Steadman:
[having had enough] You didn't do this for me, Rose. You did it for you. You don't know me. You've never known me. You never have. You can have this. All of it! I love you, Nana. But you can't have me!

Rose Waldman:
[stopping Melissa on her way out] Okay. Tomorrow I change my Will. And you'll have nothing. But you'll be happy, and I want you to be happy. I'll be dead, and you'll have nothing! Do you hear me, Melissa? Melissa! Melissa! Melissa...!

Melissa Steadman:
I told her I didn't want the store. She had a heart attack.

Elaine Steadman:
Honey, the last three months have been one long heart attack.

[Melissa falls back on her bed to stare at the ceiling]

Elaine Steadman:
Melissa? Melissa, what happened tonight has nothing to do with you.

Melissa Steadman:
But I still feel like it's my fault.

Elaine Steadman:
Because you stood up for yourself?

Melissa Steadman:
[sitting back up] I always knew one day we'd have to deal with the store. I used to think if all else failed that, you know, I could fall back on that. But all else has failed lots of times and... it's just that the store isn't my life.

Elaine Steadman:
Melissa, it's just not worth anything anymore. It's like a... it's like an old delicatessen where you go to have the waiters insult you. Daddy's been trying to get her to sell it for years.

Melissa Steadman:
So why did she pick me? Why didn't she give it to you?

Elaine Steadman:
I never gave her the chance. I never wanted it. I had Daddy. I had you. I never actually said 'no' to her. I still can't. Melissa, sometimes I'm just amazed at your courage.

Elaine Steadman:
[Elaine pulls out a pack of cigarettes. She looks at her daughter's expression] Don't tell Nana. She thinks I've stopped.

Melissa Steadman:
[going over] Can I have one?

Elaine Steadman:
I thought you stopped.

Melissa Steadman:
I did.

Elaine Steadman:
[handing her daughter a cigarette, disappointed] Oh, sweetheart.

[the two light up and smoke for a moment]

Elaine Steadman:
What are we going to do about her?

Melissa Steadman:
Do you realize this is the first time you're asking me instead of telling me?

Elaine Steadman:
Really?

[the two continue to smoke in unison]

Elaine Steadman:
So, what should we do about her?

Melissa Steadman:
Beats me.

Elaine Steadman:
[smiling] See? that's why I never asked you.

Michael Steadman:
I just... I want to explain, okay? It's just that the timing of this has been so weird.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Well, I'll try to plan the next miscarriage better.

Michael Steadman:
Wait a second. Hope? Now wait a second.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
What?

Michael Steadman:
Look. Things are out of control right now. I mean, neither of us has a handle on anything. So sometimes it just... it gets hard to figure out priorities.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No. Your priority is your new job.

Michael Steadman:
So what did you want me to do? Did you want me not to take it, Hope?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Of course not.

Michael Steadman:
Okay, so then if I take it I have to do it well, right? Because if I don't do it well, and I mean really well, I mean excel at it, then I'm out, you understand that, right?

Michael Steadman:
[grabbing Hope by the arm when she tries to walk away] Wait a minute.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[pulling her arm away from him] Fine. Go ahead. Excel at it. What do you want me to say?

Michael Steadman:
Okay. Look. I know that it's not that simple.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No. You make it simple. You couldn't be there today because Drentell walked into your office. You couldn't say 'excuse me, Miles, I have an appointment'? If you walked into his office, he would leave. No, you couldn't be there, thinking you were going to lose your job because you had an appointment at your daughter's school?

Michael Steadman:
No! That's not fair.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No, it is that. I mean that's what your priorities are: job, money, family, in that order, and that's doesn't even include throwing sports in there.

Michael Steadman:
Those are not my priorities. Damn it, Hope, see? You don't even know my priorities. I have responsibilities. I mean... I'm the provider here, Hope!

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
I have a job, excuse me!

Michael Steadman:
Okay, you could have been the provider, okay? But we chose to do it this way. And that... that's fine. Okay? I don't have a problem with that. But that means I have a responsibility. Don't make a face at me, Hope! So if I'm out of work for two months. And I find a job...

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
You don't even like this job.

Michael Steadman:
...and I find a job. And I see a chance to breath again. And not have to worry about a budget, or what a new baby needs, everything that goes with a new baby, then your damned right I'm going to work hard at it.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
We don't have a new baby.

Michael Steadman:
Yeah. But we were going to. And we were living off our savings. And we had a mortgage rate that seemed to go up every month. We had bumped-up car insurance rates...

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
And the baby's liabilities outweighed its assets.

Michael Steadman:
No, Hope! That's not what I'm saying.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No, no! Fine. Fine! This was a bad time for me too. I didn't want this baby either.

Dr. Silverman:
So where's my book?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Elliot?

Elliot Weston:
[blowing into a thermometer as if it were a toy] Oh yeah, sure.

Dr. Silverman:
[prodding at Nancy's incision] Does that hurt?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Oh! Of course it does! What do you think?

Eleanor Krieger:
[chastising] Nancy!

Dr. Silverman:
So I hear you want to go home, huh?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[irritable] Who doesn't?

Dr. Silverman:
You look pretty good. Maybe Wednesday or Thursday. We'll talk to Doctor Verney about it.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Great.

Dr. Silverman:
You got somebody to help you? There's no driving for four weeks post-op.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[incredulous, rolling her eyes] I can't drive without ovaries?

Dr. Silverman:
[laughing] It's meant to keep you home; make you crazy.

Delivery Lady:
Mrs. Weston?

Elliot Weston:
Yeah, that's us. What is that?

Delivery Lady:
[holding a strange-looking, stuffed bird] Beats me.

Eleanor Krieger:
What is this thing? [taking a candy from the bird and popping it into her mouth] Mmmm, raspberry! Who wants some?

Dr. Silverman:
Ooh, I love raspberry! They have soft centers?

Eleanor Krieger:
[sucking on a candy] Can't tell yet.

Elliot Weston:
[reading the card] Look, it's from David and Lynn!

Dr. Silverman:
[back to Nancy to whom no one has offered a candy] You're not going to do too much when you get home, right?

Elliot Weston:
[before Nancy can answer] Naw, we're not going to allow it, are we Eleanor?

Eleanor Krieger:
Nope. [sucking on the candy some more and scowling] Not soft. Hard.

Dr. Silverman:
[disappointed] Mmph.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[coming in from the cold outside] Ugh. Good morning.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Hi. Where were you last night?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
At Mother's. She gave me the key. Don't worry, she'll be over here soon.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I thought you were going to stay here. Why don't you just stay here?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Well, I thought it'd be too much trouble. The chaos, you know.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
And you didn't murder her last night? I'm shocked!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Hmm... Don't be so sure.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
So what happened?

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[picking up a little] Oh, nothing. She just insinuated that my marriage was a failure, my children were abused, my life is bankrupt... the usual.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
She doesn't think that.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Of course she does!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[from the kitchen] How you feeling this morning?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Pretty good. You know, there's coffee in there!

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
You sleep okay?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah, okay.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Any pain?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Not much.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
[sitting down with her cup of coffee] Just scared, huh?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Can I have the sugar?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
You know, you haven't seen her for two years. You should cut her some slack.

[Deborah just rolls her eyes]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Anyways. Thanks for coming.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Hey! Anything to get away from my kids. [they laugh] That's bull. I'm really scared out of my mind about you.

Elliot Weston:
So. Tuna Divan a la Heidi for dinner tonight? Plus the rest of the turkey the Brooks brought. And I've arranged for Ethan to go to Nic - [Elliot tries to pick up Nancy's coffee cup]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[taking it back] That's mine, that's mine!

Elliot Weston:
Oh. And I've arranged for Ethan to go to Nicholas's after school today. [He runs to the phone as it rings]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
The machine's on.

Elliot Weston:
[running back] Okay. Uhm, Britty? She's gonna go to ballet with Donna's mom, and the rest of the dry cleaning I'm going to pick up on my way home. Okay?

Barbara:
[via phone machine] Nancy, it's Barbara. I'm sorry. I just can't stop crying...

Elliot Weston:
Listen, if Rose from the insurance company calls, have her call me at the office, okay? And uh, uh, listen. Mrs. Rogers, the cleaning lady? She's going to come tomorrow, so just leave her tomato sauce in the back of the refrigerator and just forget about it.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Elliot...

Elliot Weston:
Everything's under control.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I wish the kids would come here after school.

Elliot Weston:
Nope. We're going to keep it quiet whether you like it or not.

Elliot Weston:
[kissing her on the head and then her sister] hey. I gotta go. I got a meeting.

Nancy's Sister Deborah:
Well, never fear. Deb's here.

Elliot Weston:
Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. Listen, you go back to bed, you hear?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I hear ya.

Elliot Weston:
I mean it.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[annoyed] Elliot.

Elliot Weston:
[waggling his fingers at them] I gotta go. 'Bye, Jules.

Elliot Weston:
'Bye, Jules.

[Elliot runs out. As soon as he closes the front door the back door opens]

Eleanor Krieger:
[calling from the back door] Anybody home?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[looking at Deb, deadpan] It is a soap opera.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[having opened the door to Hope] Hi.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Hi. I just wanted to bring this stuff by.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Oh, you really gotta stop doing this.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Oh, it's okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[holding up a bundle wrapped in aluminum foil with a bright red ribbon] Banana bread?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
How did you know?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Just guessed. Thanks.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
It's okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Come on in. You want some tea?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Oh, no, I've gotta go pick up Janey, and I just wanted to drop this stuff off... oh, and let you know that I'll take Ethan and Britty for dinner tonight.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, you don't have to do that for...

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No, really. It's okay. I don't...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[sharply] No! [then, looking at Hope who is a little taken aback] I know that you are just trying to help. I know everybody is just trying to help, but I don't need help with Ethan and Brittany.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Okay. I'm sorry.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
It's just... I want to be with them.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[realizing] I'm sorry. I didn't think.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[feeling badly now] But if my vacuum cleaner needs repair or something like that, I'll give you a call. Okay?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[smiling] Okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[as phone rings again] Damn.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[rushing out] I've gotta go anyway. I'll call you later.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[seeing her friend to the door regretfully] Okay.

Elliot Weston:
[recorded on phone machine] Hi. We can't come to the phone right now, but please leave a message and we'll get back to ya.

Gary Shepherd:
[over phone machine] Nance, hi. It's Gary. Listen. Uh, this is our weekly night for junk food and we thought we'd just swing by and pick up Ethan and Brittany and take them out...

[Nancy just goes over and lowers the volume of the machine so she can no longer hear it]

Elliot Weston:
And the most impressive thing is how well, I mean no, honest to God, it's really selling. It's really selling. I mean - we got a preliminary report from the publishers and it's all computerized now so you can track exactly where it's selling, who's buying it, what breakfast cereals they eat in the morning... I mean it's great! No, it really is, and Nancy was...

[Elliot turns to see that Nancy has fallen asleep in her chair]

Elliot Weston:
How long has she been asleep?

Eleanor Krieger:
About five minutes.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Poor baby.

Elliot Weston:
She tried to do too much today. Honey?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[roused by Elliot] Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. I was tired.

Elliot Weston:
It's okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What?

Elliot Weston:
It's okay.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, it is not okay. It's not okay to fall asleep during dinnertime. That is not okay.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
We know you're tired.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[irritated] Yes, I am tired. I have just had half of my insides removed, and I'm going to start chemotherapy in a week or two, so yes, I am tired. I'm tired of thinking. [looking around at them] What - why were you whispering? I mean, what were you talking about?

Michael Steadman:
We were just talking about how well your book's doing, Nance.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Apparently. Gives new meaning to the words 'publish or perish', doesn't it?

[Nancy exchanges a tiny smirk with her sister when nobody laughs]

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[breaking the awkward silence] Could I have some coffee?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[about to get up] Yeah. Sure.

Michael Steadman:
[already up] I got it. You want something in it?

Elliot Weston:
Look, I can understand that you felt irritated.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Can you?

Elliot Weston:
I - why that tone? Why are you doing that?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What tone?

Elliot Weston:
Everybody cares about you. Don't you know that?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Then why won't anyone let me talk?

Elliot Weston:
They let you talk.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No one will let me talk the way that I want to talk. Everyone expects me to be this graceful invalid, this cheerful cripple.

Elliot Weston:
No one thinks you're a cripple.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Yeah, well maybe they should.

Elliot Weston:
Nobody expects you to be cheerful.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Sure they do. You do. You're the worst.

Elliot Weston:
Nancy!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[getting her sleeping socks on and pulling back the bedding] Look. Elliot, what has happened to me is horrible. It is filthy, it is disgusting. I am not gracious. I am not cheerful. I wish that you would understand that. I wish that somebody would just understand that. Seventy-seven percent, five years survival. The other twenty-three percent, dead. Horribly, painfully dead! I am not gracious, and I am not cheerful! Okay?

Elliot Weston:
Okay.

Elliot Weston:
[muttering under his breath as Nancy gets into bed behind him] Seventy-seven point six percent.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[irritable] What?

Elliot Weston:
[correcting her] Seventy-seven point six percent, five year survival.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Shut up now.

[Nancy turns out the light. Elliot pushes back and lays next to her, folding his hands over his lap rather like a corpse, and just puts his head against her shoulder apologetically]

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[as Grendal barks in the snow] Grendal! C'mon! Leave that squirrel alone, would you please? Good boy! C'mon! You silly dog! Good boy. C'mon!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Does he ever catch 'em?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
No, of course not!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Oh, life is hard for a dog.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Oh, yeah, right.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Deb left this morning.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
You're going to miss her.

[they go through two bundles of letters to check for postage before dropping them in the box]

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[looking at Nancy, uneasy] I'm sorry for not always knowing the right thing to say.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, that's all right. I don't know the right things to say either.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
I mean. Just tell me if I say something stupid. It's just so scary.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I know.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Are you scared?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Are you kidding?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
When I was about to have Janey. I don't know how to say this, but uhm... I felt like I was...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[grinning broadly] Like you were in a permanent state of bliss?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
Yeah, yeah. I was, but I, uhm... you know, besides all the happy stuff, underneath...

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[realizing] What?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[when Hope doesn't answer right away] What?

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[a bit lost in her thoughts] Uhm. I felt like I was going into this tunnel. And then the tunnel went way down, deep. And uhm, I couldn't turn back, I had to go through it and come out the other side, and it was about coming close to dying, and about having my body ripped apart, and blood and pain and, you know, because it's not about drugs, and doctors, and hospitals. It's about, uhm, blood, and pain, and uhm, brushing real close to dying. I'm not saying I know what you're going through, I'm just trying to understand. I mean, maybe - maybe your tunnel is different. I mean, maybe it... oh, maybe it's not even a tunnel. I'm sorry.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[as Hope gives up and walks away] It is a different tunnel. And it's so deep that I keep screaming and yelling and no one seems to be able to hear me.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
I'll try to hear.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
This is what it is. I mean, this is one thing. I get this feeling, right here, this panic? Ethan... I mean, Ethan is big. He's out in the world everyday, and I've done my work with him. You know, the real work. But Britty. I mean, she's still a baby somehow, she's still a part of me. Now if I die, I mean that would be horrible for Ethan, but he will survive. I mean, it'll be a burden, but he will survive. But Britty, if I die... well, I'll be abandoning her. She's not whole yet. She won't understand. She'll just think that I walked out on her.

Hope Murdoch Steadman:
[swallowing a sob] Oh, God.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
She won't remember me. Ethan will. But Britty will not remember me.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
You know, in the mornings when I first wake up? It's like swimming up from sleep and, in those first few moments I feel just like me. I feel like I've always felt since I was born. And then it hits me. Cancer. I mean, it literally hits me before I'm even awake yet. It is this burden, this massive weight that I have to strap on my shoulders and carry about until I get to go to sleep again that night. And sometimes I would just like to let it drown me. But then I think of the kids, and I know I can't let that happen.

Elliot Weston:
[clearly displeased] Nancy.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
What?

Elliot Weston:
Aw, Hon. It was just so nice there for a minute.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[realizing] Oh. Sorry.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
[after a long pause] It's so hard not to look for someone to blame.

Elliot Weston:
[frustrated] We've been through this. I won't let you blame yourself, all right?

Nancy Krieger Weston:
No, I don't blame myself. But you blame me, don't you?

Elliot Weston:
That's... that's crazy! I wouldn't blame you!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Sometimes things can be crazy, but they're still true. I mean - it is crazy that I may be dead real soon, but it's true.

Elliot Weston:
Nancy, please!

Nancy Krieger Weston:
Don't ask me not to speak the truth.

Elliot Weston:
I wouldn't do that.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I think you are.

Elliot Weston:
[suddenly helpless] I just got you back, Nance. I just got you back.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I just got you back. We've got to figure this out.

Elliot Weston:
[allowing her to draw him close] Help me.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
I'll try.

Elliot Weston:
But I'm supposed to be helping you.

Nancy Krieger Weston:
It's not a one or the other thing.


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