Adventure Time, Season 2

Marceline:
Daddy, why did you eat my fries...

I bought them and they were mine.

But you ate them, yeah you ate my fries

And I cried, but you didn't see me cry.

Daddy, do you even love me,

Well I wish you'd show it, cos I wouldn't know it

What kind of daddy eat his daughter's fries

and doesn't even look her in the eyes?

Daddy, there were tears there

If you saw them would you even care?

Fluffy Person:
Huh? Who the fluff are you?

Marceline's Dad:
Um... Well, I'm sure not the guy who's gonna suck out your soul.

Fluffy Person:
Good, cos that's like my number one fear!

Marceline's Dad:
Really? Well, I know a little exercise for that. Wanna try it?

Fluffy Person:
Well....

Marceline's Dad:
First, close your eyes. [about to flat him with Marceline's ax bass]

Fluffy Person:
Okay-AHH!!!! YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME!!!

Marceline's Dad:
Ahh, but I didn't. And now, aren't you thrilled just to be alive?

Fluffy Person:
Yeah, I guess - so what?

Marceline's Dad:
So... this next part will be all the more horrifying.

Marceline:
Look, you wanna help him? Help me get my bass back.

Finn:
How will that help him-

Marceline:
MY DAD STOLE MY BASS GUITAR, FINN!!!

Marceline's Dad:
Oh Marceline. I never know what's gonna set you off. Waoh! Is this the family axe?

Marceline:
Huh? HEY!!

Marceline's Dad:
Did you turn it into some kind of lute?

Marceline:
GIVE IT BACK!! AND GET OUT!!!

Marceline:
I've been meaning to ask you. What's with the pocket on your shirt?

Finn:
Oh, Jake's in here. 'Sup Jake. [pip]

Marceline's Dad:
Of all history's greatest monsters, you are by far the most evil thing I've encountered. Offer your soul to me, dark one.

Gunter:
Wenk wenk.

Marceline's Dad:
No! You can't have MY soul! I don't even... Look, just get in here. [VROOOOO-SMEK!!]

Gunter:
Wenk wenk.

Marceline's Dad:
[kick] Keep your crummy soul!

[WENK-WENK-WENK-WENK-WHAP!!]

Ice King:
Gunter! Who told you you could fly?

Gunter:
Wenk! [IK sees Marceline's Dad sucking souls]

Ice King:
Huh? No-one sucks the life from my penguins expect ME!! And maybe polar bears-because that's just nature, Gunter.

Lumpy Space Princess:
Oh my Glob, you guys! DRAMA BOMB!

Jake:
Hey, get outta here, horse. I wanna go to sleep and you're creeping me the math out!

Jake:
[to the horse] What's your deal, screwy? Why're you messin' with us, huh?

Finn:
Jake. That horse is whack with poo-brain.

Jake:
Yeah, I know, Finn, I diagnosed this horse with whacked-out poo-brain five minutes ago.

Jake:
Dude... Let's kill the horse.

Princess:
Save me, Finn and Jake!

Jake:
Shh!

Princess:
Save me, Finn and Jake...

Jake:
We ARE!!

[...]

Princess:
Save me, Finn and Jake...

Jake:
Why does she keep saying that?

Finn:
I think she's traumatised, dude.

LSP:
Oh my gosh. [dials and porking rinds] Yeah. Guess what. Slime Princess is in the park, and she's like, talking to a new Nice King, and he's like, totally single. By the way, DON'T TELL ANYBODY.

Finn:
And I was like "Leave him alone!", and he was like "Make me!", and I was like "OK", and then he was like "ARRRGH MY HEAD!!!"

Nice King:
Hey! Nice Knights! Turtle Princess is about to walk out that door! I told her that I like her a lot, but I really don't like her all that much. Could you guys break it off for me?

Nice King:
The main enemy to the Nice King right now is the disorganisation of his love life.

Finn:
Well, what do ya mean?

Nice King:
The UGLY ones are all mixed up with the other ones!! I need you to catalog 'em, or something...

Jake:
Tuhuhuh... But we punch monsters.

Nice King:
After I choose my BRIDE, then you can go punch the monsters.

Finn:
Managing admirers? We'll give it a try...

Nice King:
Your loyalty is in question?

Finn:
No, it's not that! It's just that... princesses are supposed to be treated with niceness.

Nice King:
[pinches Finn] Are you implying THAT I'M NOT THE NICE KING!??

Finn:
What's wrong with you!?

Finn:
[to ladybug] Don't you EVER let me catch you here again.

Phil:
MY MOST PRIVATE PARTS!!! PEEPED BY A BOY!!!

Sir Slicer:
Who is the one that bears the thimble?

Jake:
This dude.

Sir Slicer:
[laughs] Oh, you foolish boy. Without full body armor, you're weak. You do not look click-click!

Ghost:
Hello.

Finn:
Begone, ghost! I'm here for the armor!

Ghost:
First, you have to beat my high score in a game of drop ball.

Finn and Jake:
Drop ball?

Ghost:
Drop ball is an extremely addictive high-intensity game designed for people everywhere. Here, let me show ya.

[drops the ball under him, twists, bends down and picks it up with his butt]

Ghost:
One point... two points... three points....

Woman:
Aah! Pervert!!

Finn:
I'm not a pervert!

Woman:
You should be ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!!

Finn:
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!!

Finn:
Choose Goose! I need more armor!

Choose Goose:
I got something for you, a metal shoe! Don't you know might stub your toe? [all knights laugh]

Knight 1:
Stub your toe..!

Finn:
No, Choose Goose... I need-

Choose Goose:
Look here hon, choose this one to protect your buns! [laughing harder]

Knight 2:
PROTECT HIS BUTT!! PROTECT HIS BUTT!!!

Finn:
No, Choose Goose... I want....

Choose Goose:
Don't be meek! What if you fall down and scrape your cheek?

Knight 3:
LOOK AT HIS BUTT!!! LOOK AT HIS BUTT!!!!

Jake:
Dude! This armor is totally click-click!

Finn:
Hey, so, uh... Yeah, so, yeah, can I... um... Could I watch you guys kissing?

Finn:
Hey, you wanna fight me?

Bear:
Oh heck, yeah! I've been waiting for this my whole life! YES. [laughs]

Mama Bear:
Oh no, you don't! (SMACK!!)

Bear:
You never let me do anything! Grr... UGH!! RAA-

Finn:
[headbutt!] UNH!!

Mama Bear:
[weeping] YOU KILLED HIM!!

Bear:
Mom, quit touching me.

Mama Bear:
You killed him and now he's dead!!

Finn:
[running away] He's probably not dead! I'm sorry though, that you think he's dead!

Jake:
Blankie me. Blankie me, Finn!

Finn:
I'll get your blanket, dude. Where is it?

Jake:
Right here.

Finn:
Why don't you just get it yourself?

Jake:
Because I'm SIIIICK!!

Finn:
Aahhh... I can't do it!! I... I can't keep messing with folks... BRAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! [punch!!] But Jake needs me! But I-I can't keep messing with folks! But Jake's really sick! But I can't! But - but - but - but - dahh...! (phew-CLAK!!) Ow! Hey! Who threw- WAHHH!!!

[...]

Finn:
What's happening!? Are you guys gonna eat me!?

Mama Bear:
You'll see!

Finn:
[whimpers] Hey, wait! This is really suspenseful! (BASH!!!!)

Fox:
[beat] Would you eat dirt?

Finn:
I would for Jake! [munches mouthful, gulps and spitting everywhere] Okay, now you guys kiss!

Boobafina:
Man, what a freak.

Fox:
Let's go.

Finn:
WHAT!!!? No! Jake needs this!! Stop!! [grabs them both] Rrrh! Just come on..!

Boobafina:
What!? No!

Fox:
Gah.. wait..!

[...]

Finn:
Y'see? No big deal!

Boobafina:
[spatting] Ah- can't- believe you made me do that..! I'm secretly in love with Mr. Goose... And now he'll never love me because now I'm soiled...!!

Jake:
[Pretending to be male snail, wiggle's his abs] Hey, baby, what's up?

Finn:
...Uh- [Jake grabs his hand] Wha-?!

Jake:
[starts sniffing Finn's hand] Mmmm...Mmm, mm, mmm! Girrrl, you smell gooood. Did you take a bath in rainbows and cupcakes?

[Finn looks terrified; his mouth trembles]

[Jake repeatedly changes from guy snail to girl snail, saying "Say yes!" each time he changes]

Finn:
OK, yes!!

Cinnamon Bun:
Finn, you always focus an endless amount of energy on EVERYTHING you do.

Jake:
What about me? What do I focus my energy on, Cinnamon Bun?

Cinnamon Bun:
Uh.. Jake... you don't really focus at all.

Jake:
[crams ice cream in toaster] Huh?

Cinnamon Bun:
I said you don't FOCUS AT ALL!!

Jake:
Where... is.. Finn? Is he in the kitchen?

BMO:
Does he have a pumpkin?

Rima tima tin tin

Jake:
Dooba dooba dumplin

BMO:
Poopy doopy pie tin

Jake:
Monkey watermelon!

Jake:
Take my sandwich, Beemo! I'monna go find Fi- [GASP!] A DANCING BUG~!!

[...]

Jake:
Hey man! You're shaking it all wrong.

Dancing Bug:
But shaking it's all I know!

Jake:
Shh. Let me show you HOW IT'S DONE.

Cinnamon Bun:
YOU'RE A DYNAMO, FINN!!

Finn:
Yeah! I never slow down!!

Grandmaster Gnome:
Congratulations. You fully charged the Alternator! Now it's time to power up the Plasma Ball... with sexy fun dancing!!

Finn:
Don't think, Finn. Don't think anything. CAN'T... LET... THEM... WIN!!!

Finn:
No more games. No... more... PAJAMAS!!!

Jake:
Must... find... Finn! MUST... MUST... PARTY FOREVER~!!

Joshua:
Jake, what did you do to your brother?

Jake:
We were just playing, and then I got outta control! I'm sorry Dad...

Joshua:
No son, you did good. Having no self-control makes you a tough galoot, like me!

Jake:
But I don't wanna hurt nobody!

Joshua:
Well that's too bad kid, cos you're gonna hurt EVERYBODY.

Jake:
NOOOOOOOHHHH....!!!!

Joshua:
"Jake! Jake, I brought someone here to see you. It's your brother! "

Jake:
JERMAINE?! Are you dead??

Jermaine:
"Naw, man! We're just dreamin' at the same time! "

Jake:
Well, I'm sorry about that time I beat you up.

Jermaine:
"Yo, that was an accident. I knew you were just horsin' off. "

Jake:
But Dad, you said I'm gonna hurt everybody!

Joshua:
"Yeah, everybody. "

Jake:
I dunno, Dad. That doesn't really help me.

Joshua:
"Everybody who is EVIL, Jake. Let me finish next time, hmm? Yeah? "

Jake:
If I had a penny for every time someone went crazy-hopped up on magic energy, [long beat] ...I'd be Abraham Lincoln.

Singer:
Apple pie in the oven

Tell me you can taste lovin'.

Royal Tart Toter:
Hello? Eat my tarts? ... This cosmic dance of bursting decadence and withheld permissions twists all our arms collectively but, if sweetness can win - and it can - then I'll still be here tomorrow to high-five you yesterday, my friend. Peace.

Finn:
Crud!! I was sure we'd be safe in the Desert of Doom!

Jake:
What? Whatcha saying?

Finn:
THOSE are dirty tart burglars!

Jake:
I think they're just dirty hobos.

Finn:
No, man. They are cold-blooded tart destroyers. And we have to get them before they GET US.

Jake:
Why?

Finn:
They're gonna kill Princess Bubblegum by stealing our tarts!

Jake:
Oh, yeah!

Finn:
We blew it, man! My plan SUCKED!! It sucked all along! But I was blinded by my hubris! Now PB's gonna get got, and it's all my fault!

[cycled and repeated]

Guard 2:
Shall I hold that for you, sir?

Guard 1:
Okay!

Guard 3:
Shall I hold that for you, sir?

Guard 2:
Okay!

Guard 4:
Shall I hold that for you, sir?

Guard 3:
Okay!

Butterfly:
Hey!! Keep off them tarts!

Finn:
Huh??

Butterfly:
I said back off of them tarts! Are you an imbecile!?

Finn:
But I-

Butterfly:
[unholsters laser gun] Right the bazoobs now!!

Jake:
Finn, he's got a laser gun!

[pwoosh pwoosh! pwoosh-pwoosh-pwoosh!!]

Butterfly:
Yeah! That's it, alright... Now I gotta book it to Nana's for brunch! See yous later!

LSP:
Oh my Glob! What the stuff are you doing!? Why're you cutting my lumps!?

Finn:
Because they're uh.. so...

LSP:
(gasp!) I know you liked me.

Finn:
No, I don't! I- I'm just stopping by because-

LSP:
Just admit it, loverboy! You can't resist me! Well, if you want these lumps, you gotta put a ring on it!! WHERE'S MY RING!?!

Finn:
[runs away] WAHH!!!

LSP:
I knew you liked me, Finn! That's why you're running! Got in touch with your feelings, BABE!!

Finn:
Hey, witch! Does it have to be princess hair?

Tree Witch:
No, just beautiful hair.

Finn:
Well then, check THIS OUT!!

[Finn pull off his white hat and shown his long blonde hair]

Finn:
HAHAAAH!!!

Jake:
HAHH!!

Tree Witch:
AHH!! You'd really give me your hair?

Finn:
Sure!

[later]

Tree Witch:
[now with Finn's hair] So... how do I look?

Finn:
Totally beautiful, inside and out.

Tree Witch:
Thank you, Finn. And now to use my hair for evil.

Finn:
WHAT!!!?

Tree Witch:
Cos I'm evil! [cackling] What did ya want from me!? [trips, CRUNCH!!] Oh no, I think I fractured a branch....

Jake:
A true ninja can sense the intentions of his enemies. "Jin!"

Ice King:
What can you do for him, Doctor Princess? Without Gunter, I'll be all alone. You see, I'm a widower.

Doctor Princess:
Oh, I'm sorry. How did your wife die?

Ice King:
Ohh... what? Is that was that means?

Jake:
Fridjitsu master Jake summons: Arrow of Ice!

Finn:
It's the Ice King alright, and he's looking awful pleased with himself.

Jake:
Uh-oh! If the Ice King's so happy, he must've stolen a princess when we weren't looking somehow! [ear-covers his mouth] That's ninja logic!

Finn:
Then we gotta --

Flambo:
A-hem. [Finn flips a charcoal briquette into his mouth]

Finn:
Hmph. We gotta save that princess! [jumps onto tor]

Jake:
You got it, shino-bro! Ninja kick!

Finn:
Ninja kick!

Ice King:
For it turns out Gunter here was preggers!

Gunter:
Wenk!

Ice King:
I was just talking to the egg! It's such a cutie!

Jake:
GUNTHER'S A WOMAN!??

Ice King:
What? No!

Ice King:
Counter-maid, I demand medicinal attentions! Preferably those of a princessy type.

Maid:
And are you checking in as a patient or a cadaver?

Ice King:
Hey! I'm as healthy as TEN old men!!

Gunter:
[weak] Wenk... wenk...

Ice King:
Hoh? Oh, oh right! My penguin, he's very, very sick. So, what time does your shift end?

Ice King:
Gunter... YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME!!!

Finn:
"True ninja passes no wind; he only passes-" [PWOOT!!]

Jake:
Get ready to be.. STAR STRUCK.

Finn:
Get ready to be.. COLD CUT.

Both:
Ketchup, mustard, red and yellow!

Jake:
Lady's parents, I say hello!

I'm the fellow for your daughter

Please forget the wartime slaughter!

Home improvement, decorations

Help me impress her relations!

Finn:
Sugar bears, and rainbow jelly

Jake:
Spread those colors on my belly!

Finn:
On the floor and up the log!

Jake:
Please don't notice I'm a dog!

Finn:
Dude! Her parents are probably all full of dog-hatred from the war-times! They're gonna see you're a dog and forbid Lady from ever hanging out with you again!

Jake:
...Nah. That could never happen.

Finn:
You didn't think this through enough. IT COULD HAPPEN!!

Finn:
J.J. Flip! What the zip?

Ethel:
Listen, I just want you to know how sorry we are about trying to eat you.

Bob:
It's just that we thought we'd never get another chance. We thought humans were extinct.

Finn:
Oh...

Finn:
Homies help homies. Always.

Finn:
It's a brave little gnome knight!

Jake:
What? That's a frog dressed up like a gnome knight!

Gnome Knight:
Actually, I'm a gnome knight who was magically transformed into a frog, and then I decided to continue being a knight.

Jake:
And now you're, like, attracting a mate?

Gnome Knight:
NO!! I'm on the verge of death!!

Finn:
"Freezed" to meet you! Hope you saved room for dessert! I'm killing you with ice cream!

Old Goblin:
Oh no! The old king - just as cruel as the last king!

Finn:
Hi oh.. what? [guards enter and kneel]

Goblin Guard:
O King, we beg you not to slay the old lady. [Finn turns back and they cower]

Finn:
No, wait!

Old Goblin:
Don't slay me! You may keep the hot buns, Your Majesty!

Blue Goblin:
I'm ready for my spanking, Mr. Xerigok Part Two.

All Goblins:
WE'RE READY FOR OUR SPANKING, SIRE!!

Finn:
Wands are for wiii~mps!

Finn:
I just want to help y'all as much as I can

And y'all just keep showing me your goblin hams

When I became king

I didn't think y'all'd show me your rears

But I'll accept my boring fate and shed this tear

Cos I can't seem to cure you of your groundless fears...

Finn:
The goblins have suffered long enough, Xergiok!

Xergiok:
Shush! You guys can't live without me, right?

Goblins:
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Owowowowow!

Jake:
You got problems, man.

Xergiok:
IT'SSS SPANKING TIME!!! YEAAHHH!! YEAH!!

Prof. Worm:
And the great question endures, "Who would win in a battle between Nietzsche's Übermensch... and Mandroid?" The answer is... Werewolf Queen! It's ALWAYS Werewolf Queen!!

Finn:
Don't worry. I have EVERYTHING under control.

Bubblegum:
UNDER CONTROL?! My guests are terrified!

Finn:
YES!! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal GLAND!! This has serious educational value!! Thanatophobia and this NDE is giving us euphoric altered awareness!! Don't you see, Princess?!? WE WERE ALL BORN TO DIE!!

Bubblegum:
YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL US ALL?!?

Finn:
NO, OF COURSE NOT! I'M TRYING TO GIVE YOU THE GREATEST CONFERENCE EVER!!!

Skeleton:
Hey! How's it goin', fellas? Hi. Lester.

[he grabs Finn's arm]

Lester:
Oh man, flesh! I haven't seen this stuff in forever! So warm and gushy and softy, look at all that flesh jigglin'!

Finn:
I'm glad she's not coming back till tomorrow.

Jake:
No, she said she's coming back "on the Morrow."

Finn:
Yeah, on the 'morrow. That means tomorrow.

Jake:
No man, the Morrow is her bird!

Finn:
Come again?

Jake:
It's her bird! That thing is crazy fast! It'll only take like twenty minutes to get back once that conference is over. [zoom in to Finn's bracket-eyed face] Are you listening, man? [closeup on Jake in slow-mo] THE MORROW... IS A BIRRRD...!!!

Finn:
What happened?

Death:
Your can't kick me because your brain is stupid!

Finn:
YOUR BRAIN IS STUPID!!!

Peppermint Butler:
Ahem... Mr. Finn, Mr. Jake, I believe you still owe me something in exchange for that favor I did.

Finn:
Sure!

Jake:
Yeah! What is it?

Peppermint Butler:
I'd like your flesh. [Finn and Jake sn*gger]

Jake:
Quit being silly, Peppermint Butler!

Peppermint Butler:
I'M GOING TO TAKE IT FROM YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP.

Finn:
My birthday wish, is vengeance! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

Marceline:
Hey look, Finn, I know Jake's your friend and all, but... if you really want Bubblegum to go to the movies with you, you've gotta like, stop listening to your dog and take some advice from a real girl.

Finn:
But Jake said Phase 2 is powerful!

Marceline:
Pbbt!! Heh, how is Jake going to know what girls want more than a real girl?

Finn:
Yeah-

Marceline:
Okay, great. So what we need now is something... fun. Girls love fun more than anything. Fun, fun, fun! If you can show Bubblegum that you're fun, she'll deffs wanna go to the movies with you.

Finn:
Heheh, you said fun so much, it sounds all weird now. Fffun. Ff- [M touches his shoulder]

Marceline:
So what do you like to do for fun, Finn?

Finn:
Oh-oh! I like to wrestle! And fight!! ERRRRH!! ROARR!! ...But girls don't like that.

Marceline:
No, no, that's perfect! All you need to do is get in there and wrestle Princess Bubblegum to show her how fun you are. [flies off]

Finn:
[beat] Ffffffuuunnn. Ffffuuunn.

Finn:
All those bears.. are gonna turn into the stuff.

Teddy Bear:
Help!! Help meeee hang these streamers!

Finn and Jake:
What??

Teddy Bear:
It's not a party without streamers!

Party Pat:
Before you talk to the Chief, you must party with the Chief.

Finn:
But-

Party Pat:
It is the only way.

Finn:
Hey, excuse me! Excuse me! I dunno how you don't know this, but y'all are partying in a monster's stomach!

Teddy Bear:
Thanks! I love dancing!

Finn:
No! Y'ALL... are PARTYING... in a MONSTER'S... STOMACH!!

Teddy Bear 1:
I think he wants to know where the bathroom is!!

Teddy Bear 2:
IT'S OVER THERE!!!

Finn:
Okay Jake, what happens when you eat food?

Jake:
Well, it goes into our stomach.

Finn:
Yeahhh...

Jake:
And then it stays there for a bit, and then, it turns into-[gasp!] They're all gonna turn into... the STUFF!!

Jake:
NERP!!!

Finn:
What're you gonna wish for, dude?

Jake:
Oh, y'know - that somethin' special only two bros can share.

Finn:
I think I'm wishing for the same thing!

Jake:
You mean the...

Finn & Jake:
Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant!

[...]

Jake:
Oh man, I wanna ride it so bad!

Finn:
How do you even control those things?

Jake:
You can't control it, dude - you have to let it GIVE you control.

Finn:
Dang, Jake... your body's getting thin!

Jake:
Hey, I got a nice bod!

Finn:
Yeah, but right now? Uuh, not so nice.

Jake:
Okay, well, you can take your weird body issues and tuck them somewhere private, whereas I can take my healthy body issues and- (gasp!!) Fight a golem!!

Finn:
Okay, so you guys wish to get your buddies back, right?

Hotdog Knight 1:
I wish for a box! (pop!) Suhweet!

Hotdog Knight 2:
And I wish to blow up! I mean, like, get big- (BANG!!)

Finn:
Wow. You guys are really stupid.

Hotdog Knight 1:
What do you mean?

Finn:
We've been showing these films unauthorized.

Jake:
But these movies are before the Great Mushroom War.

Finn:
We should still respect authority, mang.

Finn:
Uhh... what do you think?

Jake:
Eh, I don't get it. It's just a bunch of random junk.

Finn:
Yeah... I'm not engaged. I need to see something that reflects life as it is, but you know, entertaining.

Jake:
Yeah, like a romantic comedy!

Finn:
Exactly-an action-adventure!

Jake:
Wait, that's not what I said!

Finn:
Let's get to filming!

Shelby:
Check, please!

Finn/Jake:
"Warning-federal law provides severe and criminal penalties for the unauthroized exhibition of copyrighted motion pictures"...

Finn:
No, no smooching! Cut!

Jake:
I thought it was great.

Finn:
No, we can't use any of it.

Jake:
I think we should use all of it.

Finn:
No, not all. We should throw away the parts where Slime Princess was smooching. That was dumb.

Jake:
What!?

Finn:
DUUUMMM-BAH.

Finn:
Man, I still can't believe Marceline is 1,000 years old and has never seen Heat Signature. This movie is gonna blow their minds.

Ice King:
[to Princess Bubblegum] I'm sorry, Princess. I love you and I've decided to let you go free. [removes ice cuffs from PB's wrists] Go free! [drops her into Lich's well] Oops, I've got the dropsies.

Lich:
Finn....

Finn:
Oh no! [all black]

Lich:
Finn... Come.

[...]

Finn:
Grrreeehh... Stop!!

Lich:
Aren't you cold... Finn? Walk into the well... Finn. Aren't you cold?

[Finn teeters on edge of well, then pauses. Gets angry.]

Finn:
[yelling] NO, I'M NOT! I'VE GOT A SWEATER ON!!

Nurse Poundcake:
What's her condition, Dr. Ice Cream?

Dr. Ice Cream:
She totally gross over 90% of her body, the other 10% is crazy-nasty.

Nurse Poundcake:
Will she make it, Doctor?!

Dr. Ice Cream:
I don't know, Nurse Poundcake.

Jake:
Princess, you're not feeling good

You're not feelin' like a princess should

And if you wanna get better fast

Check out my cute little booty dance!

Ice King:
No! Not my number one! Princess, if you die on me I will never forgive you! I'll be lost.. lost in my own emotional labyri-

Finn:
YAAAAHHH!!!

Jake:
Listen... PB's bed was on fire.

Finn:
WHAT?? Is she OK?

Jake:
[low] She MADE it on fire!!

Finn:
With a match?

Jake:
No, man! With her brain.. I think...

Ice King:
Guys, let me help you! I don't want my future wife to be... physically unattractive.

Nurse Poundcake:
Attention, everyone!

Finn:
IS PB OKAY!??

Nurse Poundcake:
Yes.. but there were some complications...

Finn:
NAAAAAOOOOOH!!!!

Nurse Poundcake:
Yes, I'm afraid there wasn't enough gum to work with, so it appears Princess Bubblegum is now... younger.

[a younger PB exits emergency room, everyone gasps!]

Nurse Poundcake:
She's 13 years old now.

Ice King:
Aw, dangit!! Well, I'm outta here. [flies off] Goodbye, everyone.

Finn:
Princess, the sweater you made me kept me safe. I almost got super-messed up but, it saved me. And.. I wanted to say... thank you for imbuing the sweater with the power of liking someone a lot, cos... I like you a lot.

Ice King:
OK. I didn't kill 'er this time. Everybody saw that, right?

Gumball Guardian:
DUUUDE.

Finn:
I'm a cat! I'm an agile cat!

Finn:
Marceline, if you're thinkin' about your dad so much, then... why don't you go see him?

Marceline:
He's not worth the effort.

Finn:
Not worth what effort?

Marceline:
Well... first, I'd have to draw a circle with a happy face in the center, and then, ahh... douse it with bug milk.

Finn:
Oh, yeah? [throws bug milk at the happy face, absorbing its contents into the symbol and lights dual candles]

Marceline:
[sigh] And then, you're supposed to chant something like, "Maloso vobis com et cum spiritum!"

Finn:
Ha ha ha ha!

Marceline:
But... I-I don't really wanna see him. I'm still mad about the thing with the fries... Huh?

Finn:
Ww-what?!

[the wall split in half a hellish fiery place beside Finn, seeing a shadow in the fire. The shadow then explodes bodily parts and forms a devilish figure in suit wear]

Figure:
Marceline...

Marceline:
Finn, what the heck did you do?!

Finn:
I... reunited you with your family?

Marceline:
MM!! [the figure seeps behind Finn]

Figure:
Is this kid your evil servant?

Finn:
I'm not evil, Marceline's Dad! I'm super good!

Marceline's Dad:
Super good? [he then grabs Finn and sucks his vital essence]

Finn:
What are you doing?!

Marceline's Dad:
"Stealing your SOUL!!"

[he continues sucking Finn, screaming until Marceline pushes him away from her dad]

Marceline:
Dad! Ugh... You always do stuff like this!

Marceline's Dad:
[chuckles] Oh, Marceline. I never know what's gonna set you off. Waoh! [grabs her bass] Is this the family axe?

Marceline:
Huh? HEY!!

Marceline's Dad:
Did you turn it into some kind of lute?

Marceline:
GIVE IT BACK!! AND GET OUT!!!

Marceline's Dad:
'Kay. I'll go. I got business to attend to anyway, sucking up all the souls in Ooo...

Finn:
Wha-i-i— No!!

Marceline's Dad:
See you kids later. [clutches door, smacks into Finn]

[Finn watches the cackling demon businessman walk out the door in pure shock and horror]

Marceline:
My bass!!

Finn:
I've unleashed evil onto Ooo! We've gotta stop him, Marceline!

Marceline:
Fine, but I'm only coming with you to get my bass back.

Finn:
Hey, how do I kill this guy, anyway?

Marceline:
Finn, you can't kill my dad!

Finn:
Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean—

Marceline:
No, you literally can't kill my dad! He's deathless.

Finn:
Oh...

Jake:
Dude... Let's kill the horse.

Finn:
What?!

Jake:
I'm so tired, Finn!

Finn:
No, man! We're not killing the horse!

Jake:
Okay, we won't kill the horse. We'll dress him up like a bunny! Haha! And get a giant hawk — CAWWWH — to kill him!!

Finn:
Wha?

Jake:
AAWWRHH!! RRAAHHR!!

Finn:
No, man! That is wrong!

Jake:
Ehh... [...] Did I say that the hawk would kill him? I meant that the hawk would swoop down gently and take him away to a land of sunshine and love stuff, and take care of him.

Finn:
Whoa. That sounds awesome.

Finn:
Wait a minute, Jake. Can't you see what this horse is doing? [beat] It's tearing us apart.

Jake:
Aw man, you're right. We have to get rid of this horse! For us!

Finn:
I know, bro! I know!

Jake:
Oh, Finn... this horse is bringing us together now. [sheds tear] This horse is a blessing.

Finn:
WHAT?!! Dude, you've lost it!

Jake:
YOUUUU — wait, wait.... [hugs Finn] The horse is tearing us apart again..!

Finn:
You're right. It's about time I show this horse [shoves Jake] who's the man.

Jake:
What are you going to do?

Finn:
Say that to me again!

Jake:
What are you going to do?!

Finn:
Do. Doo-doo. I'm gonna kick that horse in the bottom!

Jake:
Oh my Grod!

Ice king:
Gentlemen, I will see you later[leaves]

Finn:
Heeeeya[kicks Ik]

Finn:
Jake, Jake! Check it out! This true story is going to totally cure you.

Jake:
Oh my gosh! What is it?

Finn:
First, the leaf fell off a tree. Oh, but — wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...

Jake:
Spit it out!

Finn:
The snail was on the leaf! [long beat] ..The end. [Jake then starts to recoil]

Jake:
Oh, no... Now I feel a thousand times worse! Finn, a story's got to have excitement, romance, [pulls his cheeks] suspe-e-e-e-ense... and it has to have a happy ending. [sniffles]

Finn:
But... I don't know how to make that stuff happen.

Jake:
That's okay, buddy. Just... dig me a hole, then. Actually, two holes — one for my guts and one for my face, 'cause when I die, my guts are gonna blow out of my face!!

Finn:
I am not gonna let that happen, dude!

Jake:
Then go get me that story. [hands him a piece of paper] And make sure it has all the stuff on this list.

Finn:
I'll be back as fast as I can! [runs off] I won't let your guts blow out of your face!

Finn:
Jake! What time is it?

Jake:
I dunno, but you're probably gonna say...

Finn & Jake:
[simultaneously] Lady time! :[The words "LADY TIME" appear on screen]

Snorlock:
Talking to ladies is hard.

Jake:
No, it's not! Check it out, Snorlock! Finn, you be the guy snail, and I'll be... [morphs into a female snail] the chick snail.

Finn:
Ugh! Gross, Jake!

Jake:
Come on, man, we're just pretending. Do it for love.

[Finn looks down at Snorlock whimpering and wheezing]

Finn:
Okay... I'll do it for this guy. [Snorlock gasps] Ahem... What's up, lady snail?

Jake:
[high-pitched voice] Well, I'm just sitting here thinking about mating with snails.

Finn:
..NO!! I can't do this, man!! I am out!! [turns away from Jake]

Snorlock:
I'll mate with you!

Jake:
We're just role playing, buddy.

Snorlock:
Aww...

Jake:
Here, Finn. This time you be the chick and I'll be the snail dude.

[Jake morphs his chick snail physique to a more muscular build, flexing his huge pecks]

Jake:
Hey, baby. What's up?

Finn:
...Uh— [Jake grabs his hand] wha?!

Jake:
Mm-mm! [sniffs Finn's hand] Mm-mmm! [deep voice] Girrrl, you smell gooood. Did you take a bath in rainbows and cupcakes?

[Finn looks terrified with his lips wiggling]

Jake:
[morphs male to female snail back and forth] Say yes. Say yes! Say yes. Say yes! Say yes. Say yes! Say yes. Say yes!

Finn:
Okay! Yes!!

Jake:
See, Snorlock? Talking to ladies is easy. Just act like me.

Man:
Welcome, Finn.

Finn:
Huh? [a hand removes potato bag off his head, spits out a potato] Untie me so I can beat you with that sack! [the man reveals himself; he gasps] You're that—

Man:
Yes, the charismatic stranger from last night! Also... [reveals to be three tiny people] the grandmaster of the gnomes!

Gnomes:
Hup! Hup! Hup! [more gnomes circle around Finn]

Grandmaster Gnome:
And... ruler of the Beneathaverse! [spotlight illuminates and reveals a large underground chamber with large machinery]

Finn:
S'pretty nice. Hey, why don't you guys just untie me, and we can pretend this whole thing didn't happen.

Grandmaster Gnome:
Oh, no. I've been searching all over Ooo for the ultimate power source—a living dynamo, something that... never slows down.

Finn:
Uh-oh.

Grandmaster Gnome:
And last night, I finally found—

Finn:
It's me.

Grandmaster Gnome:
Yes, it's you!! You will have the great honor of powering the Upturn Overdrive!

Finn:
That does what now?

Grandmaster Gnome:
It will flip over the entire world!! Then we'll be the ones on top, buddy!

Finn:
THAT'S BIZONKERS!!!

Grandmaster Gnome:
Yes, but the engineering is very sound. [a group of gnomes carry up Finn]

Finn:
Huh?

Grandmaster Gnome:
Your energies will be harnessed by our most advanced technology—the Cyclonic Rodentarod!

Finn:
Ha! You may have captured me... Hugh! [hops over his bound wrists] —but you can't make me run! [gets shocked by a gnome with an electroprod; runs pacily] Ow!! Well... you can't make me run very fast. [gets shocked again, runs faster] Ow!! Jake's on his way to mess you guys—BWAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Jake:
Fiiiinnn[pause]Fiiinnn,man where is that kid.Hold my sandwich BMO l gonna go find Finn

Party God:
Jake... you have won my favor for being a completely off-the-hook party dog! AROWHH!!

Jake:
Ha ha ha!

Party God:
And because your gut waves please me so, I will grant you one wish. What do you want most in the world?

Jake:
What do I want most? [chuckles, pauses] ..What do I want most in the world? Well... I wish Finn would stop leavin' his dirty— [gasps] FIIINN!!!! I was on his trail, and then I... got distracted!! GAAAH!! What's wrong with my brain?! Cinnamon Bun was right! I can't focus on NOTHIN'!! Party God, I wish that I could focus on finding my friend Finn!

Party God:
[inhales sharply] Then your wish is my—

Jake:
Wait!! Wait... Is there some kinda catch?

Party God:
Uh... y-y-yes. Y-You got me. To grant your wish, I will have to fill you with the energy of a thousand partying demons. You will become so overloaded with party energy that you'll demolish everything in your path!! [blasts Jake with a beam from his mouth]

Jake:
Must... find... Finn! Must... MUST... PARTY FOREVERRR!!!

Finn:
Everything small is just a small version of something big! I understand everything!!

Jake:
Whoa, bud, are you okay?

Finn:
Oh, Jake... I'm better than okay! I know exactly how to impress the Princess.

Jake:
More spit bubbles?

Finn:
No, no. Those spit bubbles were as fragile as my old perception of reality. But wait. Maybe you're onto something. I could show the Princess bubbles the likes of which no one has ever seen!!

Jake:
And how will you do that?

Finn:
I'll start with a solid bulleted list!

[after losing to Sleepy Sam again in "Guardians of Sunshine" game]

Finn:
Argh!! Every time!! Beemo, this game is the worst! If we were really inside that game, man, we would crush Sleepy Sam, breezily — with my mitts.

BMO:
Oh, no! It's much more dangerous than you think.

Finn:
Whoa, whoa, wait!

Jake:
Beemo, is there a way for us to get in the game for real?

BMO:
Yes, of course, Jake. [opens compartment with a red button] If I push this button—

[Jake presses Beemo's button repeatedly to no avail. Beemo moves Jake's hand aside]

BMO:
If I push this button, you will both be dangerously transported into my main-brain-game-frame, where it is very dangerous.

Finn:
Oh, man! Oh, Beemo! You gotta let us in that game!

BMO:
No! It's a far-too-dangerous incredible adventure for you. That's final.

Finn:
[beat] Oh... okay, Beemo. Welp, time for bed!

Jake:
Finn?

Finn:
Time for bed. [elbows him] Right, Jake?

Jake:
Oh, right! Heh-heh. G'night, Beemo. Time for bed.

Finn:
(pulls feather out of his mouth)

Jake:
(takes feather and tickles BMO causing him to press the button)

Both:
WOW (as lighting from BMO's screen starts to electrocute them;the scene cuts to a 3 dimational plane )

Finn:
Were in the game

Jake:
[sniffs] Hey, what stinks? Smells like...

Finn:
Pit!!

[camera pans out to show a stretching virtual lava pit]

Finn:
Looks a mite bigger inside the game.

Jake:
Jumping over this pit is easy, remember? We can do this backwards with our eyes closed. [leaps backwards into the pit] AHH!! I'M BURNING!!

Finn:
JAAAAAAAAKE!!!! [a starting jingle is heard]

Jake:
[chuckles] What, man?

Finn:
Wha?! Jake, what the shank?!

Jake:
Check it out — extra lives.

Finn:
You still have two left! [Jake falls laughing into the pit again]

Jake:
AHH-HA!! OW!! IT BURNS!! OW!! AHH-HA!!

[Jake's life icons are reduced to one]

Finn:
Jake!!

Jake:
[reappears] Doo do-do-doo!

Finn:
Dude, what if losing all your lives in here makes you die in real life? Or worse?!

Jake:
That makes me just want to sit here and feel bad.

Finn:
No way, man! We're gonna cross that hole with real-world grit! Come on!

Finn:
Time to lay down, beautiful buddy.

Jake:
Yeah. Time to make sleepies! [focus on the dead charred Princess Plant]

Finn:
Ahh. ..We killed it, man!

Jake:
I know!!

Finn:
Okay... all we gotta do is go to the Land of the Dead and reclaim the flower's soul from Death before Bubblegum returns.

Jake:
[beat] Okay.

Peppermint Butler:
[enters] Excuse me, but did you all say "Land of the Dead"?

Finn:
[Jake hides plant under pillow] Oh, what?! Oh— uh... yeah.

Peppermint Butler:
I can take you.

Finn:
Really?

Peppermint Butler:
Certainly, Finn. For a small price, which we can discuss later. Take my hands, gentlemen. [Finn and Jake each hold Peppermint Butler's hands facing a corner between two walls] Stare into where the two walls meet. Now slowly... cross your eyes. Do it, fools!

[Finn and Jake cross their eyes and the corner divides into two, creating a portal in between]

Peppermint Butler:
The portal opens! Say hi to Death for me if you see him. He lives in a castle made of light.

Jake:
Uhh... okay.

Finn:
Thanks, Peppermint Butler.

Peppermint Butler:
And don't drink the— [portal closes] water...

Finn:
I don't see anyone. I guess you double-killed them with that avalanche.

Jake:
Heh... Awesome.

Finn:
Now we just gotta cross that river.

Jake:
River! [descending steps] Man, I'm so thirsty! My mouth's still all dusty!

Skull:
[seen beside steps] Yes...

Finn:
WAHH!!

Skull:
Drink the water.

Finn:
Whoa... okay, Jake—don't drink the water.

Jake:
Come on! I'm so thirsty!

Finn:
Dude! That skull wants you to drink the water! It's bad water!

Skull:
Don't drink the water.

Jake:
See? That's means good, right? Yup! [cannonballs into river]

Finn:
Jake? [Jake emerges out and stares at Finn] Jake, why are you making stupid face?

Jake:
Who's Jake?

Finn:
Dang it, I knew that water was junk!

Skull:
Tricked again by the river of forgetfulness!! [crushed by Finn's left foot]

Finn:
Jake!! Get out of that water right now!!

Jake:
Hey! I don't know who you are, mister, but I don't like your attitude. [Finn pauses for a beat; cut to him dragging Jake] Help! Somebody!

Finn:
Susan Strong, this is where you belong

Hangin' with me on a fallen tree

Do you think you deserve this to live up here on the surface?

I think you do, and I think your friends do, too.

Finn:
I’m blind on my birthday!

Finn:
What do you think, Dr. Donut? Any clues?

Dr. Donut:
[touches Mr. Candycane's skull] Hmm... I think it was the guy would screamed, "I'm gonna kill you." [all passengers murmur indistinctly]

Colonel Candycorn:
Uh— no, no! I-it-it wasn't me, I swear!

Finn:
Passengers, passengers! I don't think it was Colonel Candycorn.

Colonel Candycorn:
Oh, well, well, thank you.

Finn:
No! In murder mysteries, it's never the first person you think of — never ever.

Marshmallow Kid:
So, who do you think it is?

Finn:
[turns to Colonel] Colonel, do you have any enemies on this train?

Colonel Candycorn:
Well, uh... well, just one. And his or her name is...

[the train enters another tunnel and fades to black; a skeleton of Colonel Candycorn is shown with many passengers screaming]

Finn:
See?! I knew it wasn't him! But now we need to figure out who his enemy is. It could be anybody.

Candy Person:
It could even be you.

Finn:
[beat] ..Yes, it could—except I didn't do it.

Candy Person:
But... we don't know that.

Finn:
[points at him] You singled me out to take suspicion off yourself. Are you Colonel Candycorn's enemy?

Candy Person:
What? No! I was just trying to join in on the conversation!

Finn:
Suspect numero uno!

[the train enters yet another tunnel with the Candy Person's skeleton shown upon exiting the tunnel. Finn gasps]

Finn:
Rat traps! I really thought I was on to something.

Finn:
You're the only remaining passengers, so the murderer is in this caboose.

[all passengers gasp, murmuring distinctly at each other]

Finn:
Let me explain how I know who the murderer is. I saw Pineapple Guy skim through the sheet music—sheet music to a song that's very special to Lollipop Girl—a song that reminds her of Ice Cream Guy. Before Colonel Candycorn died, Dr. Ice Cream was in possession of a basket of cabbage, fish and eggs. And you, Pineapple Guy, have cabbage bits on your socks. And you, Chocolate Bar Guy... [holds a dictionary] does this dictionary look familiar? A dictionary which happens to contain the words... [opens dictionary, points at words circled in red pen] "rid," "guests," "at once"? [all passengers gasp heavily] But the real murderer is someone no one suspects. The real murderer is...

[enter another tunnel; all passengers drop their skeletons on the floor. Finn gasps at Jake]

Finn:
No-one was the murderer?!

Jake:
The conductor's still on the train.

Finn:
Oh, yeah... He did it.

Jake:
Yay! You did it! You solved it, Finn!

Finn:
I knew it — because he's creepy.

Jake:
What?! Hmph...

Finn:
I know — you knew he was the murderer all along. I couldn't have done it without you... you, you, you.

Jake:
[hugged] Thank you...

Finn:
[straining] We make a... great team, pal!

[they enter another tunnel...]

Finn:
You feel kinda bony... WAHH!! [drops down Jake, bends down on his skeleton] Jake...? [he cradles and starts grieving over Jake's remains] NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

[pan right to the conductor on his skateboard, holding a wooden sword]

Conductor:
Heh heh heh heh... Hey.

Finn:
How could you murder all those Candy People?! And... you murdered Jake on my birthday!

Conductor:
Yes, and you're next. [Finn lowers Jake's skeleton down and draws a nearby root sword]

Finn:
Wrong!

Marceline:
Finn, you do not want to go down that road with me.

Finn:
With you, I would walk down any road, milady — especially if it leads to the movies.

Marceline:
Oh, yeah? No one would want to go to the movie with... [transforms into a black unearthly-like monstrosity] ..THIS!!!

[she pummels Finn and Jake with her large appendages crashing every opening all over her house. She latches and carries Finn cackling]

Marceline:
UWA HA HA HA HA!! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME NOW?!

Finn:
..How do you like your popcorn?

Marceline:
UGGGHHH!! [demetamorphosizes] You're starting to annoy me!

Finn:
Well, then let's do something fun, like go to the movies!

Marceline:
Get off me! [throws Finn onto the couch] Finn, I like you, but—

Finn:
Headlock!!

Marceline:
NO!! [armlocks Finn] Listen to me! I'm not gonna go to the movies with you! I just... don't like you that way.

[Finn closes his eyes and lies on the couch]

Marceline:
I'm sorry, Finn. I just... I don't want to date you.

Finn:
Date me? Man, I just want to go the movies, but everybody hates me.

Marceline:
Wait — you... don't want me to be your girlfriend?

Finn:
Huh?! No!! MOVIES!!

Marceline:
If you weren't looking for a girlfriend, then why were you romancing it up all day?

Finn:
Cos Jake said couples nights have weird kissing requirements and romance-initiation rituals and whatever else.

Jake:
I didn't really say all that. [mumbling indistinctly]

Marceline:
Of course I'll go with you, Finn.

Finn:
You will?

Marceline:
Yeah, as friends.

Finn:
Of course as friends.

Marceline:
But no tongue.

Finn:
Ye— what?!

Finn:
Hey, Party Pat! You're the Chief and I totes respect that, but what we have to tell you is really important. And you said if we partied, we could talk.

Party Pat:
But you haven't been partying.

Finn:
WHAT?!?!

Party Pat:
You move to music, but that's not dancing. You chew pancakes, but you're not tasting. To truly party, one must leave behind the problems that are troubling and open one's... [reveals a third eye] mind eye. [beat] I'm just kiddin'. You guys are party animals. This is just a sticker! [peels it off] You can stay in our cave as long as you want.

Finn:
That's what I've been trying to tell you, man!! This isn't a cave! Y'all are partyin' in a monster's BELLYYYYYY!!!

Party Pat:
[looks around] Oh, yeah. That makes sense. It's definitely the weirdest cave I've ever seen. Heh-heh.

Finn:
So... you'll tell everyone to leave?

Party Pat:
[slurps] Nah, we love it here.

Finn:
But you're all gonna die if you STAY!!

Finn:
Jake, let's talk about our movie.

Jake:
Okay.

Finn:
I think we shot a lot of great stuff.

Jake:
Uh-huh.

Finn:
But I'm thinkin' only half of it is usable.

Jake:
Me too!

Finn:
Really?

Jake:
Yeah, I was just thinkin' that!

Finn:
That's great!

Jake:
I know!

Finn:
You actually agree it's an action-adventure!

Jake:
Yep, it— Wait! No!!

Finn:
What?!

Jake:
Romantic comedy!

Finn:
WHAT!?!

Jake:
Whaddaya mean "what"?!

Finn:
Who's right, Beemo?!

Jake:
Yeah! Me or Finn?!

[Beemo clicks and pushes a button with a message reading "BACK IN 5 MINUTES"]

Finn:
We'll ask him when he wakes up.

Jake:
Why wait? [writes down a piece of paper] "Dear Beemo, please use only the best footage when cutting the movie. Love, Jake."

Finn:
[takes pen and paper] "And Finn."

Jake:
See you at the movie club, then!

Finn:
Oh, I'll be there.

Jake:
As well I.

Finn:
As well I as well.