Bones, Season 3

Brennan:
How did this skull get here?

Booth:
Ask our eyewitness. [runs off] Let's go, buddy. [brings a teenage boy over to Brennan]

Boy:
I am not high.

Brennan:
Neither am I. Why is he telling me that?

Doug:
So your husband signed his name to the marriage license with an X?

Angela:
Yeah.

Doug:
So you married a guy without knowing his name.

Angela:
It was Fiji, okay? I was on vacation.

Cam:
Usually when you get all blustery, it's cause you think something's your fault.

Booth:
Yeah, well, you know, I did arrest her father for murder. She could be having trouble with that.

Cam:
Exposing a parent to the death penalty can have a chilling effect on a partnership.

Cam:
Take Angela. Let her do that thing where she looks at photographs and reads people's minds.

Brennan:
No, actually what she does is read minute facial indi-

Cam:
[Cutting her off] Joke, Dr. Brennan.

Cam:
[to Booth] You arrested the Deputy Director of the Secret Service for voyeurism?

Booth:
Yeah, Bones in her office?

Cam:
That is awesome.

Brennan:
There's a phrase in ancient Greek burnt into the back of the vault door.

Booth:
Well, what's it say?

Brennan:
I don't know. It's in ancient Greek.

Booth:
Zack is back for good, Angela and Hodgins have their head back in the game, Cam, she's locked in.

Brennan:
Why are you asking me this?

Booth:
Because, you and me, the center.

Brennan:
And the center must hold.

Booth:
Right, so we're gonna hold?

Brennan:
Yeah. We'll hold. We're the center.

Booth:
The center. [They shake hands. Booth chuckles.]

Brennan:
What's funny?

Booth:
I thought you were gonna kiss my hand again.

Brennan:
I did not kiss your hand. You put it over my coffee cup.

Booth:
Felt like you kissed it.

Brennan:
No.

Booth:
Felt it.

Brennan:
No.

Brennan:
Perhaps you could use these: there's a portion of tongue, hair, and brain matter.

Angela:
Okay, if anybody needs me, I'm going to go throw up, then do some paperwork.

Angela:
[introducing herself to Agent Frost] Angela Montenegro. I do facial reconstructions [nods toward Hodgins] and him.

Max:
I always liked Booth. Nicest guy that ever arrested me.

Sam Riley:
[to Caroline] Damn lawyers! Working the case for 30 years, and you don't think it deserves a damn phone call? [Caroline walking away] Hey! I'm talking to you!

Caroline:
No! You're yelling at me, and my ears are starting to ring. Now, I'm sorry that after 40 years as an agent for the FBI, you're still a little girl. But I'd like to find out who killed June Harris. So how about ye' stop whining... and help, okay cherie?

Cam:
Hitting the top of the shoulder wouldn't be a severe injury.

Zack:
She could bandage herself and still be ambulatory.

Cam:
You know, you could say "walk around" instead. I wouldn't fire you.

Zack:
"Walk around" implies aimlessness, which I'm not able to determine.

Cam:
Can't believe I still ask these things.

Sam:
You know Booth she must be really good in bed because I can't see any other reason you'd keep her around here.

Brennan:
I am. Very good. But Booth has no direct knowledge of that fact.

Hodgins:
[about Angela] She's going deep into her sub-conscious to remember her husband's name, so we can find him, divorce him, get married ourselves and live happily for all eternity.

Brennan:
You won't live for eternity.

Booth:
Hey.

Brennan:
Hay, is for horses...

Booth:
[laughs slightly] That's funny Bones.

Brennan:
I found it on this website about horses.

Booth:
Yeah?

Brennan:
Where do horses stay in a hotel?

Booth:
Bridle suite.

Brennan:
That's correct. [...] How did you know the answer to the bridle suite joke?

Booth:
I have a five-year-old son.

Booth:
[about sex games] When you turn someone into an object of sexual pleasure, it's wrong.

Brennan:
How do you know?

Booth:
It says in the Bible.

Brennan:
Does not.

Booth:
Then it got left out by mistake.

Tom:
Why did you throw me into the wall?

Booth:
Why did you run?

Tom:
Well, you're FBI.

Booth:
[sarcastically] Well, I'll need a little bit more than that.

Booth:
Here we are, all of us, basically alone, separate creatures just circling each other, all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places. Some, they just give up hope because in their mind, they're thinking "Oh, there's nobody out there for me." But all of us, we keep trying, over and over again. Why? Because, every once in a while... every once in a while, two people meet, and there's that spark. And yes, Bones, he's handsome, and she's beautiful, and maybe that's all they see at first. But making love... making love... that's when two people become one.

Brennan:
It is scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space.

Booth:
Yeah, but what's important is we try. And when we do it right, we get close.

Brennan:
To what? Breaking the laws of physics?

Booth:
Yeah, Bones. A miracle... Those people — role-playing, and their fetishes, and their little sex games. It's crappy sex, well, at least compared to the real thing.

Brennan:
You're right

Booth:
Yeah, but I ...[laughing] Oh, wait a second. I just won that argument?

Brennan:
Yep.

Hodgins:
[finding a rare insect] Well hello, my exotic princess!

Cam:
What a charmingly inappropriate greeting, Dr. Hodgins.

Zack:
I think he was talking to a bug.

Cam:
Well, now I feel a bit... rejected.

Brennan:
"He who smelt it, dealt it."

Booth:
How do you even know that phrase?

Brennan:
Okay, stop. You don't know Booth. You don't know me. You have a limited view of us based on superficial data you've accumulated on a standardized questionnaire and a subjective analysis from talking to us that is not at all scientific. So back off.

Sweets:
Just trying to help.

Brennan:
By questioning his humanity?

Booth:
Okay, Bones, now you're going a little bit overboard. He's just a kid, right? I mean, the worst thing that's probably ever happened to him was he lost at Mortal Kombat.

Sweets:
Are you normally this protective of him, Dr. Brennan?

Brennan:
We.. We are partners. Our lives depend on being protective of each other.

Sweets:
And you feel the same way, Agent Booth?

Booth:
Sweets, I can only hope that one day you know what a real partnership is.

Sweets:
You two are very close. That was evident, in your superficial, standardized questionnaire and my unscientific observations.

Booth:
Yeah?

Sweets:
You complement each other.

Booth:
[Laughing] No, she never compliments me. Did you compliment me in the questionnaire?

Brennan:
"Complement," not "compliment." "Ple." He means that we complete each other... uh... as a team.

Booth:
Yeah, right.

Sweets:
Now, we got a lot to work on over the next few months.

Brennan:
Meaning that we get to stay together?

Sweets:
Yes...

Booth:
I'm sensing a but.

Sweets:
However...

Brennan:
Same as a but...

Sweets:
[doggedly continuing] I have observed some underlying issues that need to be addressed.

Booth:
Issues?

Sweets:
Yes, there's clearly a very deep emotional attachment between you two.

Booth:
We're just partners.

Sweets:
And why do you think I would have thought otherwise?

Booth:
'Cause you're 12.

Brennan:
Don't read into anything that Booth said. We're professionals. There's a line that doesn't even need to be there.

Booth:
Not at all. I mean, if... if there were no more murders, I would probably not even, you know, see her.

Brennan:
Very true.

Booth:
Might have coffee.

Brennan:
Probably not.

Booth:
What?

Brennan:
What?

Booth:
You wouldn't even have coffee with me? [He's obviously hurt, Sweets is temporarily forgotten as he and Brennan lean towards each other to finish the conversation.]

Brennan:
Well, in your scenario, we wouldn't even know each other, because there are no murders.

Booth:
Were, I said, no more murders.

Brennan:
Then fine, we could have a coffee. So that's clear then, we'd have coffee and that's our relationship, coffee?

Booth:
[Solid, now that he and Brennan have talked.] Yeah, let's move on, Sweets.

Sweets:
[Nods, but there's a tiny smile on his face from watching Booth and Brennan talk.]

Zack:
I will be the back end of a cow.

Hodgins:
So, no costume.

Zack:
Naomi from Paleontology has agreed to be my front.

Hodgins:
Ah, so many jokes, so little time.

Angela:
And get him to sign the divorce papers.

Amber:
By "get him," do you mean... force him to sign them?

Hodgins:
If necessary. Do you have a gun?

Angela:
Or just remind him of who I am and ask him politely.

Hodgins:
What are you, Canadian?

Brennan:
[to Zack and Hodgins] Who's stronger? Catwoman or Wonder Woman?

Zack and Hodgins:
[together spontaneously] Wonder Woman.

Brennan:
I concur, vehemently!

[Booth is confronted by the serial killer Pete Geller, who is dressed as a clown, while Brennan tries to escape with the victim. Geller shoots at Brennan but misses and ducks behind a metal board to avoid Booth.]

Booth:
One shot. [Geller is obscured from Booth's view. Booth shoots Geller and kills him with a single shot] One hell of a shot. [Brennan emerges with the victim.] Now can you see why I hate clowns?

Brennan:
It's a Halloween party. We could be Wonder Woman and, um, what's Superman's secret identity?

Booth:
Clark Kent.

Brennan:
Yes. We could be Wonder Woman and Clark Kent after a really, really bad date.

Booth:
Yeah, bad date because you shot me.

Brennan:
It was only a flesh wound. And you dropped me on my head.

Booth:
After you shot me. I think I got you on this one. Okay, Wonder Woman?

Cam:
Would it be insensitive to mention that my father's sixtieth birthday's coming up?

Booth:
Sixty already? Wow.

Cam:
Uh-huh. We're having a big birthday dinner for him on Thursday night.

Booth:
All right. You give him my best.

Cam:
You do it yourself. You have to come with me.

Booth:
What? No. Not your family.

Cam:
I can't spend the night defending the fact that I still live alone to my family.

Booth:
You never told them we broke up?

Cam:
You want to make a man miserable on his sixtieth birthday?

Booth:
You want me to pretend that I'm your boyfriend?

Cam:
Yes, between 6:30 and 10 on Thursday.

Booth:
Ugh. Camille, you're an adult. You can't live your life afraid of what your family thinks.

Cam:
Seeley, it's not going to be like this forever. (brightly) One day he'll die!

Hodgins:
I never liked Kyle Aldridge.

Zack:
He told me once that having a high IQ was no excuse not to bathe.

Angela:
I don't believe it.

Zack:
No, those were his exact words, no excuse not to bathe.

Aldridge:
Why am I talking to you?

Brennan:
What time did you leave the Jeffersonian that night?

Aldridge:
Shortly after 11. Dr. Brennan, surely I merit someone higher up the food chain than an FBI consultant.

Brennan:
Kyle, I know you get everything you want by flaunting your superior intellect. But that won't work with me.

Aldridge:
Why is that?

Brennan:
Because I'm smarter than you are.

[Hodgins walks in and finds Booth hanging around his lab area]

Hodgins:
[curiously] Why are you here in my area?

Booth:
Cam's sister kissed me.

Hodgins:
[amused] Dude....

Booth:
Don't call me dude! All right, listen, I was supposed to be Cam's boyfriend but only between the hours of 6:30 and 10. She kissed me at 6:20 so technically that doesn't even count. Cam went to her office to get something. Felicia, she just grabbed me and planted one on me. I didn't even see it coming. I didn't even have a defense maneuver planned.

Hodgins:
[shakes head] Wow.... all right, all right, uh.... How are you...[looks around discreetly] how are you gonna break it to Cam?

Booth:
What? Why would I do that?

Hodgins:
You want her to find out from her sister?

Booth:
[in dread] Wow, this is worse than when we were a couple.

Hodgins:
[chuckles, Booth glares at him] Sorry... [struggles to contain his laughter]

Booth:
[unamused by Hodgins laughing at him] I really should take my gun out and shoot you now.

Hodgins:
[puts on a serious face] I'm sorry... that's serious. [breaks into laughter again]

Booth:
You're not helping.

Booth:
I know your password too. It's daffodil.

Brennan:
I never told you that!

Booth:
[grins smugly] What, I got eyes! I mean, you guys aren't exactly CIA material.

Hodgins:
Daffodil?

Brennan:
What, they're pretty.

[...]

Brennan:
And I'm changing my password.

Booth:
Daisy.

Brennan:
How did you know?

Booth:
It's your second-favorite flower. I know you, Bones. Try a planet! [Bones enters another password] Jupiter! [Brennan looks shocked while Hodgins looks on in amusement]

Felicia:
Why didn't you tell me you guys split up?

Cam:
You want him? Take him. I don't care.

Felicia:
I don't want him.

Booth:
You don't?

Felicia:
[to Cam] No. I was just trying to get back at you for being so perfect all the time.

Cam:
So you admit it.

Felicia:
Like you're a saint? [to Booth] She used to go into my closet with all my dolls and say that they were having a party, but I wasn't invited.

Cam:
You were five, and they did not like you.

Angela:
Oh my god, I'm getting flashbacks to braces and stirrup pants and a really, really bad side ponytail.

Hodgins:
Certainly grew out of it. I wore Doc Martens that weighed more than I did.

Brennan:
Apparently Booth was fine. He was a football player.

Angela:
Right. He was one of those guys.

Cam:
I remember getting grounded every weekend. So many rules to break, so little time.

Hodgins:
[amused] You were the nerd fantasy.

Angela:
I was all about Barbie.

Hodgins:
She was my first anatomy lesson. Confused for years.

Cam:
What about Ken? I felt so sorry for him.

Booth:
So this girl, she had this game where she would ask me a question -

Brennan:
What kind of question?

Booth:
It doesn't matter, okay? So if I got the question wrong, I'd have to take off a piece of my clothing. Of course I knew all the answers, but I pretended that I didn't.

Brennan:
So you could take off your clothes.

Booth:
Exactly. Now, my point is, I'm standing there, you know, in my socks and my St. Christopher medal, she runs off. She runs off with the sleeping bag and all my clothes and I'm standing there starko.

Brennan:
Well, why would she do that?

Booth:
Well, I suppose she heard I was under the bleachers with another girl the week before.

Brennan:
Okay. This is a story about sexual prowess, Booth. You're bragging!

Booth:
[laughs] I had to run across the campus buck naked!

Brennan:
You're laughing about it now! You enjoyed displaying your penis. It showed alpha male mastery.

Booth:
You know, evolution is long, long process. It takes hundreds of years.

Brennan:
Thousands.

Booth:
Why do you have to always correct me?

Brennan:
To help you evolve.

Cam:
Dr. Brennan looked a little hurt when I told her you asked me to come out here instead of her.

Booth:
No. Bones' feelings, they don't get hurt. She's not like you.

Cam:
Like me?

Booth:
Yeah. A girl.

Cam:
Yeah. The word you're looking for would be "woman," who, incidentally, makes more money than you.

Booth:
Touchy!

Cam:
What can I say? I'm just a girl with feelings.

Brennan:
I can't freak out every time somebody Googles me.

Booth:
Cam, she goes nowhere alone.

Brennan:
Cam, don't listen to him.

Booth:
Cam, who are you more afraid of, me or her?

Brennan:
Booth—

Cam:
Whoa! [holds up a hand] So this is what it's like to be a kindergarten teacher.

Booth:
My idea of art is a half-naked woman on the side of a van.

Sweets:
That's interesting.

Booth:
No, it's not interesting, Sweets, 'cause it was a joke.

Sweets:
It's awesome! It's like the Sith Lords, man. There's always only two of them.

Booth:
Did you just Star Wars us?

Brennan:
There are levels of bad guy, Russ, and you're not even on the first level.

Russ:
Why do I feel like you just called me a sissy?

Brennan:
No, Russ turned himself in, but I convinced Booth to let him go see Hayley at the hospital.

Caroline:
I didn't hear that.

Brennan:
[Loudly] Russ turned himself in, but I convinced Booth to let him go see Hayley at the hospital!

Caroline:
Do I have this straight? You're a genius, an honest-to-goodness dyed-in-the-wool genius?

Brennan:
Yes.

Caroline:
Dr. Brennan, I like you, on and off. But your brother is a material witness in my murder case. I cannot recommend that he be set free.

Brennan:
Please.

Caroline:
Oh, well, now that you said please.

Brennan:
Are you being sarcastic?

Caroline:
Yes!

Booth:
Aw. Three days before Christmas, and somebody killed Santa.

Cam:
So Santa was definitely murdered. Someone did not like their present.

Hodgins:
[to Angela] Our victim was kicked by a reindeer.

Angela:
Oh. Get the hell outta here!

Zack:
[points to a screen] The sacrum.

Angela:
Wait. The evidence actually adds up to an old, fat man with a white beard, in a custom-made Santa suit who smoked a clay pipe and got kicked in the ass by a reindeer?

[Booth and Brennan are checking out the victim's address]

Booth:
Oh my god...

Brennan:
What?

Booth:
He lives in a toy store! [laughs]

Brennan:
[as she and Booth enters the victim's home] Watch out for reindeer.

Booth:
[sarcastically] Yeah, really funny.

Caroline:
I want you to kiss him under some mistletoe.

Brennan:
Kiss Booth?

Caroline:
That's right, cherie.

Brennan:
Why?

Caroline:
Because it will amuse me.

Brennan:
Why?

Caroline:
Because you're all "Dr. Brennan" and "Special Agent Seeley Booth," and it's Christmas, and I have a puckish side that will not be denied.

Booth:
[Holding up a picture of the victim in a Santa suit] Look, you ever seen this man before?

Waiter:
Santa Claus?

Booth:
No, this isn't actually Santa Claus. The guy that's wearing the Santa outfit in this picture, have you ever seen him?

Waiter:
Can I see your ID again, please?

Sheriff:
[to Booth] Is she serious about the mud?

Brennan:
As serious as a gas attack.

Booth:
Heart attack, Bones. As serious as a heart attack.

Booth:
What a shock for that couple. I mean, they slide naked into the hot mud bath and a skeleton hand pokes her in the, you know—

Brennan:
Anus.

Booth:
Bones!

Brennan:
What? It's a clinical term for that part of the body, Booth.

Sweets:
Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth, would it be fair to say that you use work to avoid confronting personal issues?

Booth:
Why? Because I don't wanna talk about, you know—

Brennan:
The anus.

Booth:
You really like that word, don't you?

Sweets:
Do you two ever discuss anything that's not attached to work?

Booth:
Well, it's better than talking about, you know—

Sweets:
The anus?

Booth:
What is it with you two?

Booth:
[about the victim] Cheated on your sister, forced you to crash. How would you exactly describe your relationship?

Danny:
[sarcastically] We were the best of friends.

Brennan:
Doctor Sweets says that you work with tropical fish.

April:
Yes, I lo-ove fish. They're just like people.

Brennan:
No, no, they're not. Actually, people can't breathe under water.

April:
She's funny.

Brennan:
I am? Wha– ? Why is that funny?

Booth:
I don't think she meant that literally, Bones.

Brennan:
Oh.

April:
It's their eyes. You can tell so much from eyes.

Brennan:
Well in humans a retinal scan is as specific as a fingerprint.

April:
No, no, their souls. You can see their little souls.

Brennan:
I don't understand. You believe that fish have souls?

April:
Yes, you can see it in their coloring. It's... it's a reflection of who they are.

Brennan:
Their coloring has developed over millenniums as a way to deal with predators.

Sweets:
[obviously trying to end the conversation gracefully] April just means they're beautiful.

April:
[starting to get angry] Don't tell me what I mean, Lance. [To Brennan] I mean they have souls.

Sweets:
Okay.

April:
No. It's just... I meant... I believe that all creatures: people, fish, dogs, we're all connected. We all share the same stuff that makes life beautiful and precious.

Brennan:
On a quantum levels that's true. Although the word stuff is not accurate.

April:
See?

Sweets:
What? I have great respect for your fish. Admittedly, I might relate to other things more.

April:
He kills about a thousand people a night.

Sweets:
Yeah, in a video game.

Booth:
You know, you can play the field and not plow it.

Brennan:
That was distasteful.

Booth:
Your friend's name Garth Jodrey?

Tim:
How'd you know that?

Booth:
[points to the name plaque on his desk] Special Agent Seeley Booth. Special.

[Booth is shooting hoops at the basketball court while at a college campus investigating a case.]

Brennan:
The truth is, athletes are basically emotionally arrested in boyhood, acting out childish games as though they have adult importance. You know, the only thing more juvenile are grown adults who watch sports.

Booth:
[confronts Brennan] Why'd you gotta say stuff like that?

Brennan:
[surprised] What? You mean the truth?

Booth:
All right. You know what? I'm a jock, so when you say those, you know, things that you say, what are you saying about me?

Brennan:
Nothing! You grew out of it!

Booth:
No, I didn't, alright? My shoulder cracked out on me. Otherwise I would've gone all the way with it. [turns to leave]

Brennan:
What?

Booth:
And another thing, all right, I, uh, fought in a war! So if sports is a, uh, "childish" substitute, I can live with that! [walks out of the court]

[Booth is arresting a suspect.]

Brennan:
You, you said you were just going to talk!

Booth:
Yeah, and then I saw his face and I got mad.

Dekker:
All I did was pee in a cup for Jimmy Fields. All of a sudden this is a federal case?

Booth:
Turns out he has the clap.

Brennan:
The exact same strain as you.

Dekker:
Wait, you think I had sex with R.J.?

Booth:
[He and Brennan look at each other.] I dunno, did you?

Dekker:
No!

Brennan:
Then why’d you bring it up?

Dekker:
You brought it up. All I did was pee in a cup.

Brennan:
Why?

Dekker:
Because, Jimmy's a teammate and he asked me to. I woulda done it for any of my bros.

Brennan:
How'd this boy get into college?

Booth:
Basketball.

Justine:
I know I've got gonorrhea. I'm being treated for it.

Booth:
Yeah, well, where'd you get it?

Justine:
They asked me the same thing in Health Services. Could have been a couple places.

Brennan:
Well, you're a smart girl, why didn't you wear a condom?

Justine:
I do. Most of the time.

Brennan:
You know what? I made a mistake. She is not a smart girl. This is a terrible university.

Brennan:
Is she crying because she loved him, or because she lost a mansion?

Booth:
[mouths] The mansion.

Hodgins:
Why does everything have to be so damn hard?

Angela:
How else would you know if anything was worth anything?

Booth:
[talking about a baby] Oh, look at him Bones, he looks a little fussy there. Why don't you pick him up and give him a cuddle?

Brennan:
Just because I have breasts doesn't mean I have magical powers over infants! You're the one with the son.

Brennan:
Coochie-coo? [The baby cries.] Oh, no, no! No need to fuss! Obviously something's upsetting you. Children have toys. You must have some. Let me see. [finds a purple elephant in the diaper bag, holds it up to the baby] You know, elephants are not purple. This is wrong.

Booth:
You know, you look very mom-like with that baby monitor.

Brennan:
I have responsibilities under state law as a foster parent. I've already bought him toys and clothes.

Booth:
Ah. So you've bought him some clothes?

Brennan:
Well, I sent an intern, who apparently loves bears, which in reality would devour a small child.

[Brennan is trying to coax a child not to cry.]

Brennan:
Dancing phalanges! Dancing phalanges! [waggles her fingers in front of the baby] Yeah, Booth thinks bones are dry and boring but... Show me your phalanges! [The baby uncurls one fist in a little wave.]

[Brennan's cellphone, nestled in Baby Andy’s car-seat, rings]

Brennan:
Brennan.

Zack:
I made some discoveries regarding our victim. Is this a good time?

[Baby Andy clutches at Brennan's necklace.]

Brennan:
No no no no no.

Zack:
Ohh-kay...

[Zack hangs up.]

Brennan:
Zack? Hello? [Brennan dials]

Zack:
Dooooctor Addy.

Brennan:
Uh, it's Doctor Brennan.

Zack:
Oh. Is this a better time?

Brennan:
[To Andy, who is again clutching at her jewelry] No no no.

Zack:
[confused] Then why'd you call back?!

Brennan:
I wasn't speaking with you, Zack.

Zack:
[even more confused] I believe you are.

Sweets:
Dr. Brennan, everyone you work with, including your therapist—

Booth:
Former therapist.

Sweets:
—is endeavoring to imprison your father. That's wicked stressful.

Brennan:
Booth is right. It doesn't bother me.

Sweets:
No, Booth is wrong. Yes, it does.

Max:
Oh, he's a full-grown scientist?

Clark:
I shave, sir. I have a driver’s license. I've won a couple of fist fights. I've saved a life. I've lain with women. I've been hustled at pool. I've defied my father’s wishes. I have broken hearts and I have been heartbroken. So, by all the markers of this society, I am a grown man.

Max:
Oh. You've "lain with women"?

Russ:
Is he gonna talk like that at Dad's trial?

Caroline:
[to Booth] Lose the "Cocky" belt buckle. [to Hodgins]] No badges saying "Resist authority" or "The truth is out there." [to Zack] Do not cut your own hair the day before the trial. [to Angela] Ugly up a little. The plain women on the jury hate you. [to Sweets] Use your fully grown-up words. [to Cam] Eat. Last time, your stomach was growling louder than your testimony.

Angela:
Sweetie, this is one of those times when I know what's right and everybody else is confused.

Booth:
Okay. You're not Dr. Brennan today. You're Temperance.

Brennan:
I don't know what that means.

Booth:
The scientist part of you got sidelined temporarily.

Brennan:
I still don't know what that means.

Booth:
Bones, just, take the brain, okay, put it in neutral. All right? Take the heart, pop it into overdrive. [makes engine noises and mimes driving a race car]

Brennan:
[smiles] Sometimes I think you're from another planet. [laughs] And sometimes I think you're really very nice.

Brennan:
How does a former sniper have a grass allergy? I mean, wouldn't a sneeze give away your position?

Booth:
Bones, OK, I worked in the desert. Sand, no grass.

Zack:
My regimen is easily completed in my apartment. Treadmill for 30 minutes, 100 sit-ups, push-ups and leg-lifts, and 20 minutes of free weights. I'm deceptively strong.

Cam:
I'm deceived.

Brennan:
Does Tommy share your affection?

Pam:
Why do you ask it like that? Because I don't look like a scarecrow? [to Booth] Like her?

Brennan:
Hey. Wha- what are you coming after me for? [to Booth] Do- do I look like a scarecrow?

Sweets:
Mocking will not change my opinion. I've been mocked many, many times before. That came out wrong.

Brennan:
Until I was thirteen, I wanted to be the next Cyndi Lauper.

Booth:
I'd say you're kidding, but I... I don't think you know how to kid.

Brennan:
The other girls and I referred to her as "rad." [laughs] My mother said that I sang just as well.

Booth:
As well as Cyndi Lauper?

Brennan:
Yes.

Sweets:
Mothers do that. It's healthy.

Brennan:
No, this wasn't just flattery. My mother told me that I sang "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" better than she did.

Sweets:
It was an expression of affection, Dr. Brennan, not an objective evaluation of your abilities.

Brennan:
Well, I think you're wrong.

Booth:
Okay then, go ahead, belt it out.

Brennan:
No!

Sweets:
Yeah, come on. Give us a few bars.

Booth:
Come on...

Brennan:
I can't just bust into song. I have to have music and an appropriate atmosphere of frivolity.

Booth:
Diva, forensic genius, best-selling author, better than Cyndi Lauper...

Cam:
That's enough, we're going. Now.

Brennan:
I have remains to identify. He could have a family.

Angela:
He's 500 years old. They've probably adjusted by now.

Brennan:
I knew I shouldn't have gone to that funeral. It was a complete waste of time, just like I said.

Booth:
Wait a second. You thought that my funeral was a waste of time?

Cam:
I thought it was a lovely service, Booth.

Booth:
Thank you! You know, I expected to see more people though...

Hodgins:
I always imagined a lot of ex-girlfriends crying.

Booth:
Yeah. Me, too.

Angela:
You guys are pathetic.

Brennan:
[to Booth] Just know I won't be attending your next funeral.

Brennan:
You should have told me that you weren't dead.

Booth:
I already explained this to you. The Bureau has to vet everyone when there is a security issue. I was just following protocol!

Brennan:
Protocol?

Booth:
Yes!

Brennan:
We've been partners for three years, Booth, and you've broken protocol before! Sometimes putting my life in danger, which makes sense because you clearly don't have any real concern for me!

Booth:
[stands] I took a bullet for you!

Brennan:
Once! That only goes so far! (pause) Would you like a towel?

Cam:
If you wanna do one of your experiments just say it.

Zack & Hodgins:
We wanna do one of our experiments!

Booth:
Bones broke into my house last night...

Brennan:
[interrupting] There was a key!

Booth:
All angry because nobody told her that I was dead. And I was just following protocol!

Sweets:
Broke into your house?

Brennan:
There was a key.

Booth:
And barged into my bathroom.

Sweets:
[laughing] Wha... What were you doing?

Brennan:
He was drinking beer and reading a comic book.

Booth:
I was taking a bath!

Sweets:
You read comics and drink beer naked?

Booth:
Wait a second. Bones bursts into my bathroom, all right, and I'm weird for being naked?

Brennan:
I've always been proud of you, Zack. I've never met anyone more rational and intelligent. But there's a fault in your logic.

Zack:
With all due respect, you aren't cognizant of his logic.

Brennan:
Assumption number one: Secret societies exist.

Zack:
Accepted. Hodgins has been explaining this to me for years.

Brennan:
Assumption number two: The human experience is adversely affected by secret societies.

Zack:
Accepted.

Brennan:
Assumption number three: Attacking and killing members of secret societies will have an ameliorating affect on the human experience.

Zack:
Accepted.

Brennan:
All of your assumptions are built upon a first principle, Zack. To wit, the historical human experience as a whole is more important than a single person's life.

Zack:
Yes.

Brennan:
Yet, you risked it all so you wouldn't hurt Hodgins.

[Brennan moves closer to Zack and touches her forehead with his as both their eyes tears up.]

Zack:
There's... You're correct. There's an inconsistency in my reasoning.