Boy Meets World, Season 2

Cory:
See, I've been doing my homework.

Amy:
You've done homework?

Cory:
It's a metaphor. So how do I avoid years of humiliation and abuse?

Alan:
Don't get married. [Amy smacks him] It's a metaphor!

Shawn:
Why did we have to leave the old school. I was so cool in the old school. They had no right to pass me. I am an idiot.

Mr. Feeny:
Well Mr. Matthews, why don't we treat this little rendezvous as a dress rehearsal for the many visits we'll undoubtedly have this year.

Cory:
Huh?

Mr. Feeny:
Get out of my face!!!!

[Cory catches Eric making out with a girl.]

Eric:
[panicking] Cory, we're studying.

Cory:
So am I!

Cory:
[in health class] Well, the man's got the sperm and the woman's got the egg. Now, once a month an egg slides down the [sic]'Philippine' tube towards the uterus. The first sperm to reach the egg wins, it gets a medal, it's born, you name him Cory, you push him out the door, and nothing makes sense for the rest of his life.

Eric:
You named the rats after yourselves?

Cory:
Yeah. Shawn's the one chewing the lock. I'm the one with the skin disease.

Cory:
"John Adam's High's New Principal is Mr. George Weeny." Can you imagine five thousand students reading this?

Shawn:
Power; ultimate power.

Cory:
Yeah, but... we would never... would we?

Shawn:
Power!

Shawn:
What are we now?

Cory:
We are lowly, 7th grade sewer scum who name rats after ourselves to feel important.

Shawn:
And how do you feel about this?

Cory:
Better than the guys with no rats.

[Mr. Feeny has sent Mr. Turner's students back to class.]

Turner:
What about Hunter and Matthews?

Feeny:
Ah. For those two, I shall have to go nuclear.

Turner:
What does that mean?

Feeny:
I shall call their mommies.

Feeny:
The football season...

Shawn:
Oh, no.

Feeny:
CANCELED!

Shawn:
But that means...

Feeny:
Yes, Mr. Hunter. No cheerleaders!

Shawn:
[falling to his knees] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Cory:
Shawn, it's a strike. We have to make sacrifices.

Shawn:
[hysterical] But he's taking my girls! Why can't we just sacrifice you?

[When the class refuses to take the test]

Feeny:
I realize that all you seventh graders are delicate, adolescent flowers just beginning your high school blooming. And so I say this with utmost sensitivity. Take this test... or die.

[After the class walks out]

Feeny:
They have demonstrated the power of labor. Now let's show them what management can do.

Turner:
[smiling] Cave? We're gonna cave?

Feeny:
You know, you seem amused by this display of defiance, Mr. Turner.

Turner:
Oh, I am, I gotta say. Because if I had done to me what I did to them, then I'd have done the same thing to me that they did.

Feeny:
[After a confused pause] Go to the board and diagram that sentence.

Cory:
Do you think I'm a geek?

Shawn:
Of course not.

Cory:
So you think I'm cool?

Shawn:
Of course not.

Cory:
Then what am I?!

Shawn:
You're Cory! I'm Shawn- just like it's always been. What else do you need to know?

Alan:
[smelling Cory's cologne as he comes down the stairs behind him] What's that smell?... Oh, my God, I'm rotting!

Cory:
Relax, Dad, it's just my Rampaging Stallion. What do you think?

Alan:
[waving a magazine] I think if the party doesn't have adequate ventilation, you're all gonna die!

Cory:
Shawn, what I'm about to tell you is so strange, no one in their right mind would believe it.

Shawn:
Then I'm your guy.

Cory:
So how come you're taking your garbage back inside the house?

Feeny:
Wolves have a keen sense of smell. The garbage would only attract them.

Cory:
So your plan is to lure them into your living room?

Madame Mosbenskias:
Come to me, Werewolf Boy.

Cory:
You know.

Madame Mosbenskias:
I know many things, I know you were bitten by a wolf.

Cory:
It's true.

Madame Mosbenskias:
I know you are now becoming a wolf.

Cory:
That's amazing.

Madame Mosbenskias:
I know you are recently divorced.

Cory:
What?

Madame Mosbenskias:
You're not Billy Joel?

Cory:
No.

Madame Mosbenskias:
Well, then, you're just a wolf.

Alan:
Why is my son so godlike and popular?

Shawn:
Because people have finally begun to realize how well brought up he is?

Alan:
That the best you can do?

Shawn:
Yeah, well, my mom smoked when she was pregnant.

Topanga:
You know what I want? I want my good name back.

Cory:
Well, some people might argue that Topanga isn't the best name to begin with.

Cory:
Look who they got to play at the dance.

Shawn:
The Exits; they're great!

Cory:
They're us!

Shawn:
Oooh... They're not so good.

Band guy:
Hey, you. Busy?

Cory:
You're not gonna ask me to the dance, are you?

Band guy:
What if I did?

Cory:
I'd say, "Pick me up at eight, but no slow dances."

Joey:
That's a good one, Harley. That's a great one. I'm gonna be laughin' at that one for years and years. I'm gonna be tellin' my grandkids about it, like, 60 years from now. Unless I don't have grandkids, then I guess I'll have to tell some strange kids in the park, and the cops will come and say, "Hey, you, in the raincoat -"

Harley:
Shut up!

Joey:
Okay.

Cory:
You know, I'm thinking of becoming a poet. There once was a boy named Cory...

Eric:
Who now has an interesting story...

Cory:
He learned about kissing...

Eric:
And all he was missing...

Shawn:
When he and Topanga made out!

Cory:
Shawn, can you say "summer school"?

Cory:
Last night T.K. and me talked on the phone for two hours. That beats my previous time spent on the phone with a girl by, like... two hours.

Feeny:
"TK loves CM." What could that possibly mean?

Cory:
It must mean that someone named TK loves... corn muffins?

Cory:
[after being asked to give Shawn a note for the second time] Do I have an unlisted desk or something?

Topanga:
[talking about the dance] Well, I'm not going.

Cory:
My only hope!... I mean, why?

Topanga:
It's a protest. The concept of a turnaround dance is that all the other times only the boys get to ask. That is gender-biased thinking and we have to get beyond that... Besides, that weekend my daddy's taking me to New York for Christmas shopping!

Cory:
What? Just because she's the coolest girl in our grade, you don't think she'd ask me?

Shawn:
If a bomb dropped on the school and every other guy was killed... she'd go with the most popular dead guy.

Shawn:
[After Ingrid's makeover] Woah, she looks just like Becky!

Becky:
I am Becky.

Eric:
Dumped.

Cory:
Dumped.

Shawn:
Cheese.

Harley:
Didn't I tell Frankie to dispose of you guys?

Cory:
Yes, and he did. He killed us big time.

Shawn:
And now we're the angels of ourselves.

Cory:
And it's time for us to float away. Come on, Shawn, float.

Harley:
Either of you angels seen my girl?

Cory:
You mean Gloria? No, we haven't seen her.

Shawn:
There's no way we could've seen her. We were in a locker the whole time.

Harley:
The whole time what, boys?

Cory:
Come on, Shawn! FLOAT! FLOAT!

Feeny:
Jonathan, all I'm hearing from your little election are ridiculous promises and character assassination.

Turner:
Too much like the real thing, George?

Eric:
So how's the campaign?

Cory:
Well, we're taking it in a new direction.

Eric:
And that would be... down?

Cory:
Shawn, you're squealing.

Shawn:
Well that's what someone does when their best friend takes a gun and stabs them in the back right in front of their own eyes!

Shawn:
You think too much. Do what I do: don't think.

Mr. Turner:
(reading Shawn's poem)

"My uncle Ralph, he does not care,

'Cause twice a month, he gets welfare.

My uncle Chuck has nylon hair,

He bought the rug with his welfare."

[skimming ahead] "Old Corvair... long nose hair... electric chair..." It's a very colorful family you have there, Shawn.

Shawn:
I didn't use their real names. Is that okay?

Mr. Turner:
Oh, yeah. The less I know, the better.

Eric:
[looking in a textbook] Oh, and who is this raven-haired beauty?

Jason:
That's Leonardo da Vinci. Stop that, you're scaring me!

Wendy:
Is it okay if I go tell all of my friends?

Cory:
Sure and I tell all of mine...SHAWN! Hey look at me Im a couple

Eric:
Look at me Im alone [Looking down]

Alan:
[Looking at his test results] And you will be until your grades come up, Now until I see some letters here closer to the front of the alphabet... youre not going to any more dates.

Eric:
[Looking sad] Mom, Mommy

Amy:
Aww, Alan how can you be so cruel to my sweet little baby.

Alan:
Well it was your idea. Eric you cant rely on your looks to get you through life.

Eric:
But all I want to be is a weatherman

Shawn:
How long you been married?

Cory:
...Who?

Shawn:
...What?

Cory:
...They want you to take the rolls

Shawn:
You think too much. Do what I do- don't think.

Jason:
Locker Head Man! I heard your signal and came as quickly as I could!

Eric:
A haircut?? This is your solution to girls? I suppose when I'm starving, you'll buy me some pants?!

Shawn:
(to Cory after making out with a girl at Chubbie's) Remember in health class, that section on the movement of blood? I understand it now.

Cory:
I'm on an emotional roller coaster.

Amy:
She's just a little girl playing house.

Alan:
Amy, sweetheart, she's a little blond loon!

Alan (conversationally):
Hey guys, where ya been?

Eric:
Hey, I can get a haircut, as many as I want!

Cory:
So after she made us dessert and read to us I walked her home and right there on the porch I laid out. I said "Wendy, it's over. Forever."

Shawn:
How'd she react?

Cory:
Well, she invited me in for oatmeal cookies, Grandma Jansen played the organ and we all sang Big Rock-Candy Mountain.

Shawn:
Nice knowing ya.

Cory:
You know, they have four generations living in the same house. The men don't say much.

Eric:
You're gonna love Cory. You wouldn't believe how mature he is.

Cory:
Hey guys, look at me! I'm a fountain! [blows water out of his mouth] I've gotta show Shawn! [runs upstairs] Shawn!

Eric:
I'll talk to Cory. He won't do the fountain. He won't blow milk bubbles out of his nose. He won't even do Armpit Theater.

[Cory has just ridden the roller coaster.]

Cory:
Piece of cake...

Eric:
What?

Cory:
I threw up a piece of cake.

Cory:
I have a radio voice!

Shawn:
And I have a radio face!

Shawn:
He says one thing and then he does another. He's being a hypochondriac.

Eric:
I cheated, Mr. Feeny. I had the answers written on my hand.

Feeny:
And you only managed an A-minus?

Eric:
I sneezed off a couple of the answers.

Turner:
[about Uncle Mike fixing his bike] Listen, you know this doesn't mean I'm gonna give the kid a break on grades or anything.

Uncle Mike:
Like he needs it! Shawnie's the scholar of the family!

Mr. Turner:
I think you're tellin' me the truth.

Turner:
[about a biography assignment] Doesn't have to be somebody famous, just somebody real. Anybody you like.

Cory:
Anybody?

Turner:
Anybody.

Cory:
Absolutely anybody?

Turner:
Absolutely anybody.

Cory:
I pick Shawn!

Shawn:
I pick Cory!

Topanga:
You know, you walked right into that.

Turner:
I did, didn't I?

Eric:
Jason, I don't skate. At all.

Jason:
Well, hey. C'mon, Canadians skate. How hard could it be?

Cory:
Well, I know who you are! You're Shawn Hunter! You were raised by wolves - you're MY friend. It says so in your biography. I mean, what else do you need to know?

Turner:
If you don't think deep down inside that you're all right, then I haven't taught you anything.

Feeny:
[of Cory and Shawn] I'd give up on them, but I don't think they'd notice.

Shawn:
My book is due back and I have to rewind it.

Feeny:
Set him down now.

Vader:
Feeny, you can't tell me what to do any more. I'm not one of your punk students. I'm the Face of Death!

Feeny:
It was scarier when you had acne.

Topanga:
Cory, you've never told me your quote for the yearbook.

Cory:
What did you put?

Topanga:
"I do my thing and you do your thing; you are you and I am I; but if in the end we end up together, it's beautiful."

Cory:
Put the same for me.

Eric:
It's like I'm in S.A.T. Zone. All my other senses are completely shut down. [knocks soup into lap]

Jason:
Eric?

Eric:
Wha?

Jason:
You just spilled soup on your lap.

Eric:
What? [Jason nods. Eric looks down.] Ahhh! Hot! Hot!

Cory:
Shawn, what does your dad do?

Shawn:
Shh. I'm trying to find out!

[Kid is eating melon]

Kid:
Hey, Cory, I'm eating your dad's friend!

Eric:
Hey, Hunter, what do you think you're doing?

Shawn:
Uh... cleaning out my ears.

Eric:
Yeah, with Towelie? My lucky towel? What are you, insane?

Shawn:
One of us is.

Turner:
What do you know about women?

Shawn:
What do you wanna know?

Turner:
Oh, you think you can help me out, Hunter?

Shawn:
Hey, you helped me.

Turner:
Now, see: why can't you be this sharp in my class?

Shawn:
Math's not my best subject.

Turner:
I'm your English teacher.

Shawn:
Then why you teaching math?

Turner:
Are you kidding me?

Shawn:
(after Eric falls in the bathroom) I Think he just found Slippy, his lucky soap.

Topanga:
So, you're just doing this so you won't be different.

Cory:
I'm just trying to survive this.

Topanga:
Oh.

Cory:
No, it's not you, Topanga. It's me. I just can't perform under all this pressure.

Topanga:
It's Ok. Relax This happens to lots of guys.

Cory:
How do you know?

Topanga:
Well, you know, girls talk.

Cory:
Oh, man. Listen, when you talk to girls, this did not happen to me. Nothing happened. I mean, something happened, but Whatever was supposed to happen, did.

Topanga:
Cory, do you wanna just talk?

Cory:
Could we?

Topanga:
So, what would you like to talk about?

Cory:
Well, we could talk about what we're gonna tell them when we get out of here.

Topanga:
We could tell them we made out.

Cory:
They'd know.

Topanga:
I could mess up my hair and you could change your shirt.

Cory:
You'd have to smile a lot.

Topanga:
And you'd have to get that real sleepy, stupid look.

Cory:
You could change your shirt, too.

Topanga:
Don't push it.

Cory:
How come you're being so cool about this? I don't know.

Topanga:
Because you're nice.

Frankie:
OK, everybody out in the hall. Let's go. Move it along. No talking. Single file.

Harley:
Everybody but you, baboon. Frankie, you and Joey watch the door.

Cory:
What's going on?

Harley:
I am extremely distraught.

Cory:
Do you happen to know why?

Harley:
Yes. Someone has stolen the sweet, angelic smile from the face of my sister Theresa.

Cory:
Your sister? You mean, T.K. is

Harley:
Theresa Keiner. And nobody breaks the heart of Harley Keiner's sweet baby sister.

Cory:
Look, Harley, I swear, I had no idea she was your sister.

Harley:
You do realize you'd be dead already, except that Theresa says you're a gentleman. Lucky for you and your kneecaps, I deem this a very rare and desirable quality. Therefore, I am willing to let you take Theresa to the movies tonight as planned.

Cory:
You know, we really don't have to go out.

Harley:
No, you really do.

Cory:
Ok

Harley:
This will be a nice date, a polite date. You will be a perfect gentleman, 'cause otherwise, baboon, your next and final date is with Frankie.

Frankie:
And don't expect flowers.

T.K.:
Mr. Matthews, Mrs. Matthews, thank you oh so very much for having me for dinner in your lovely home.

Alan:
Oh, well thank you for the lobsters!

T.K.:
You're welcome, I'm sure. [to Cory] How's the new me coming across, fuzzy?

Cory:
You're doing great!

[Eric picks up a lobster]

Eric:
Uh-oh! This guy's missing a claw.

[T.K. stands up.]

T.K.:
That is it! I told them these were important people! This is a very big dinner for me! What do they do? They send me damaged goods!

[She takes the lobster and throws it across the room. She sits back down and notices everyone staring at her]

T.K.:
Mr. Matthews, Mrs. Matthews, thank you oh so very much for having me for dinner in your lovely home.

Cory:
I miss Linda already.

Shawn:
I miss Stacy. And Linda.

Cory:
And Debbie?

Shawn:
And Debbie.

Cory:
There is no Debbie!

Shawn:
Then how come I miss her so much?

Cory:
Because you're nuts.

Cory:
Shawn! Come on, positioning. How do you expect to be asked out with your head in your locker?

Becky:
[while Shawn's head is still in the locker] Shawn, would you go to the Turnaround dance with me?

Cory:
Eric I don't want to hurt Ingrid she a nice girl But enough about her, get me out of this date.

Eric:
Look, you heard what Dad said.

Cory:
Oh, please, he's old. He's out of touch. I mean, the last girl he dated was Mom.

Eric:
No, no, no, no Cor, Cor, Cor You have to go with Ingrid. You bail on this girl, it's all over for you.

Cory:
Why? It's one girl, one date.

Eric:
No, no, no You dump one girl, they're all gonna know and they're all gonna hate you. Remember, women are in constant communication with each other.

Cory:
What are you talking about?

Eric:
(Morgan walks in) Say Cor, did you enjoy the vegetarian chili mom made last night as much as I did? You know, sometimes I think we take our great mom for granted.

Cory:
Eric, could we please stick to my problem for a second here?

Eric:
Yes, your problem. Your problem is the international women's network. Look, you blow off this girl, everybody online's gonna know about it in the morning.

Cory:
Oh, I don't believe that.

Eric:
Well, you could be right, then again

Amy:
[walks in] I didn't know you liked my chili. What can I get my wonderful boys for dinner tomorrow night?

Eric:
And bad news, it travels even faster.

Eric:
A haircut?? This is your girl substitute? So If i was straving you'd buy me pants?