Kitchen Nightmares, Season 4

[Gordon is not impressed with the lobster bisque]

Gordon:
It looks like the lobster was dead before they cooked it.

Joe:
The lobster's from the tank.

Jerry:
You want to take a look?

[Gordon goes to take a look]

Gordon [points]:
Is he dead?

Jerry:
No, I think they're just sleeping.

Gordon:
Is it? It must be dead.

Balbina:
We keep a good eye on them.

Gordon:
You keep a good eye on them? Surely not. [pulls the very dead, not-sleeping lobster out of the tank] He's (bleep) dead. A dead lobster!

[Gordon meets Dominick, thinking he's the owner]

Gordon:
You look live you've been in this business for thirty years.

Dominick:
I haven't.

Gordon:
Oh really?

Dominick:
Six years.

Gordon:
What were you doing before that?

Dominick:
Laying brick.

Gordon:
[after doing a double take] So it's you and who?

Dominick:
Colleen and Naomi. They own the place.

Gordon:
OK, brilliant.

Dominick:
I'm actually going out with Colleen.

Gordon:
You're going out with Colleen?

Dominick:
Yeah.

Gordon:
Oh, so you're going out with one of the owners?

Dominick:
Yeah.

Gordon:
Ex-customer?

Dominick:
Yeah.

Gordon:
Right.

[Gordon orders crab cakes]

Gordon:
Somebody spit on my food? What is that?

Server:
It's coulis mango sauce.

Gordon:
Oh, coulis mango. Thank you. [she leaves] Looks like something out of a modern art museum. Splat! Okay... [takes a bite] Wow. That's (bleep) disgusting. It's rancid. Plastic bits of crap running through the crab cakes.

Gordon:
PJ's Steakhouse? "Pathetic Joke"! That's what it stands for!

[Maureen tastes the shepherd's pie.]

Gordon:
Bad, that's gross.

Maureen:
And it's not hot either.

Gordon:
That's part of the reason why I'm not coming back because it's watery.

[Gordon tries a fisherman's platter. One of the scallops tasted bad.]

Gordon:
(Bleep) hell, my God.

Annette:
Oh Lord.

Gordon:
That's gross.

Annette:
No good, Chef?

Gordon:
It's soft, bland, rubbery. I didn't realize it would be this bad.

Gordon:
(to Chief) You're from Ireland.

Chief:
Yes.

Gordon:
What happened here today had nothing to do with Ireland. Shepherd's pie - well, (bleep) me, that wasn't shepherd's pie. If you went to Dublin and you serve shepherd's pie like that, they would chew you.

[Gordon finds some mozzarella sticks.]

Gordon:
What is that?

Gabriel:
Mozzarella sticks.

[Gordon finds some blood in the mozzarella sticks.]

Gordon:
Can you see that there? Blood, blood from where?

Gabriel:
From the meat.

Gordon:
Blood from the meat on the mozzarella sticks.

[Gordon puts down the mozzarella sticks.]

Gordon:
Come on, guys. Thank God I didn't have the (bleep) mozzarella sticks. Look like a blood transfusion going on down there.

[Gordon finds some slimy chicken tenders.]

Gordon:
What's in there?

Gabriel:
Tenders.

Gordon:
Chicken tenders. Why is it all bubbly and slimy?

Gabriel:
The chicken comes like that.

Gordon:
The chicken comes like that. Look how slimy it is, look how slimy it is. Look at it. (Bleep)!

Maureen:
(interview) My God, it's ribid, it's so embarassing.

[Gordon finds a big piece of salmon.]

Gordon:
What is this? How can you serve that? It's like it's been left out for days and it's been attacked by cats.

[Gordon personally brings back a poorly prepared Shepherd's Pie to the kitchen.]

Gordon:
What is that? Let me just tell you something, when I was busting my chops earlier making it for you, I turned my back for five minutes and you send that out.

Mitch:
Chef.

Gordon:
Chef? Come on, guys. On the back of 115 customers in 2 1/2 hours, results are that.

Annette:
(interview) Chef Ramsay was like, "To hell with all these!" There was like no passion, no care for any of the food coming out.

Gordon:
All you (bleep) get paid?! WHERE'S THE WORRY ON YOUR FACES?! IF YOU WERE MY BRIGADE, I WOULD'VE FIRED YOU (bleep) SIXTEEN YEARS AGO!! YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU and (bleep) YOU!!!

Mitch:
(Bleep)!

[During a staff meeting]

Abby:
I don't really care what he says.

Will:
Well, I mean...

Abby:
He's so completely full of (bleep). Like, seriously? Our meat loaf is, like, what puts us on the map! I mean, it's great!

Nick:
I don't like the meat loaf.

Abby:
(flabbergasted) You really don't?

Nick:
Honestly, I don't.

Mini:
We had it the other night together.

Abby:
What? What didn't you like about it?

Mini:
The food is mediocre, if it's not...

Abby:
Mini-Me, seriously!? You're telling me now you don't like it!?

Mini:
We eat it because we're here. This is not my restaurant choice. I wouldn't dine here in my off time.

Abby:
You're saying, for what we serve here -- comfort food, meat loaf, pastas, steak, whatever -- you're saying, for those--

Mini:
It's not up to par even for that.

(the rest of the staff concurs)

Abby:
So now you're telling me that you don't like the menu?

(the staff nods their heads, and Abby looks disappointed)

Abby:
(testimonial) I feel stabbed in the back, I guess. (back at the staff meeting) You're just hitting me with this, now?

Nick:
You know what we're up against if we even opened our mouths about the menu once? Every time we open our mouths, "(bleep) off!" "(bleep) you!" "You don't know anything!" We're all at a point now where we're just like, "If this is what she wants, let's just serve it out! We'll take it out of the window and bring it to the table!"

Mini:
(to Abby) Don't try to make a fuss out of it.

Nick:
And we're going to have an opinion about now.

Abby:
Oh, you're so full of (bleep)! (walks out of the meeting)

Mini:
(tries to bring Abby back) No, no, no, no, no.

Abby:
This is (bleep)!

Mini:
Talk to us! (testimonial) Without a doubt, she's in denial.

Narrator:
Kitchen Nightmares has seen its shares of arguments, but we've selected the three biggest blow-ups.

We begin with number three, which took place at Peter's in Babylon, New York, where Peter took his anger out not at Chef Ramsay, but on a bill collector.

Number two goes to Sebastian's in Burbank, California, where this owner (Sebastian) had trouble facing the truth, and he literally chased Chef Ramsay down.

And the number one spot goes to Secret Garden in Moorpark, California, where Gordon had seen enough of owner Michel's antics.

Jim:
Ready to get out of the business?

Jeff:
No. Don't say that. (cries)

Jim:
Come on, stop crying. (Bleep) grow up you (bleep)!

Jeff:
(Bleep) you.

[after dinner service]

Gordon:
Okay, today can be summed up in one four letter word: lazy. I can't even start to help both of you when you're not even helping yourselves. I really needed to do something. Both of you, go through your kitchen and clean it. Not your staff, you, both of you. Got it?

Jeff and Jim:
Yeah.

Gordon:
Good night. Get to work. [leaves]

Jeff:
(interview) We were lazy. Now we're paying for it. We're failures.

Jeff:
Yay.

Jim:
[sobbing while cleaning a refrigerator grate] It's making it dirtier. Can't...do this.

Jeff:
What's wrong Jim?

Jim:
I can't clean anything. I'm a failure. I'm making a mess. (interview) I feel bad. We are in trouble. I really don't know if we can fix it. That's the problem.

Jim:
I'm not cleaning anything up.

Jeff:
Go take a break Jim.

Jim:
No, I can't take a break, cause I'm too lazy as it is. I'm fine. I gotta clean this up.

Gordon:
I saw on the menu, the "Oysters--"

Candace:
The Oysters Cortello.

Gordon:
[gives her a meaningful look]

Candace:
It's an invented dish for our restaurant. The Cortellos are Darryl and Ellen, so they made it up.

Gordon:
So the owners have named an oyster after them?

Candace:
Yes, they have.

Gordon:
They bought the restaurant, now they want their name on the menu.

Candace:
Yes.

Gordon:
Sounds like someone's struggling for power!

Gordon:
How does this work? Emil, when were these done?

Emil:
Last night.

Gordon:
Why are they bagged?

Emil:
He portions them out to order.

Gordon:
Really? (Bleep.) [Watches Darryl's side-eye] What's the idea of putting everything in bags?

Emil:
Portion size.

Gordon:
Portion size?

Darryl:
[interview] I like to have everything in quantitative perspective. If I give too much, you get a happy customer here, you don't get a good customer. They're happy because they're getting three times what they should be getting, and I'm getting nothing. I don't make money on that.

Gordon:
It's food. We're not cutting, uh, piping for the bathroom.

Gordon:
Damon, when was the duck cooked?

Damon:
I can't give you an answer.

Gordon:
Oh, come on! I mean, what the (bleep) is this?

Damon:
I don't know.

Gordon:
You don't know when the duck was cooked?!

Damon:
No.

Gordon:
Do you know when the duck was cooked?

Chef:
No sir, I don't.

Gordon:
Do you know when the duck was cooked? [another chef shakes his head] HOLY (bleep)!

Moe:
I know when the (bleep) duck was cooked! I know!

Gordon:
WELL, THANK (bleep) FOR THAT!!! SOLVE THE MYSTERY!

Moe:
We cook the duck off the premises. And we usually cook it about once a month.

Gordon:
You cook the duck off the premises?

Moe:
Yes, in our commissary kitchen.

Gordon:
And it stays in the fridge for a month?!

Damon:
Freezer.

Gordon:
OH, (bleep)!

Gordon:
(finding tons of pasta in the fridge) I'm trying to help you understand a method to your madness.

Damon:
Hey (bleep)! I'm not the one who just said it was done yesterday. I asked my prepper.

Gordon:
You can call me a (bleep) all you want. So get (bleep) angry with me.

Damon:
You're standing here hearing me ask the person who knows and I gave you his answer.

Gordon:
Right, who's the (bleep) chef around here?

Damon:
I am.

Gordon:
Right. Bags of jumbalaya, in the fridge. Warm. Have you any idea what happens to bags of jumbalaya in the fridge when it's still warm in the center?

Chef:
Grows the bacteria?

Gordon:
Grows the bacteria. (finds bins of crabs) And how many crabs are you selling chef over the next (bleep) three months? Loss for words...Really?! Another box of crabcakes. When were these made? No date you see chef!

Moe:
(interview) There was nothing but dollar signs going through my mind. Soft shell crabs, jumbalaya, crawfish thrown straight down the garbage. Chef Damon just took the money right out of our pockets.

Gordon:
(finds a dirty tray) I don't what you think you should be taking out of containers and sort of cleaning out your fridge from time to time. One more (bleep) question to you, who's the (bleep) now chef?

Damon:
I am.

Gordon:
I didn't come in here to humiliate you, but how DARE YOU serve me food from this disgusting fridge and STAND THERE and call me a (bleep) chef! Excuse me, chef.

[Gordon walks to where the grill is smoking]

Gordon:
Who told you to put oil under there?

Chef:
Damon.

Gordon:
The chef? So you spray the grill with oil? [cough] [cough], (bleep) (bleep)!

Moe:
I NEED THIS (bleep) PLACE SCRUBBED DOWN, TOP TO BOTTOM! I WANT THE TVs WIPED! I WANT THE PIANO WIPED! I WANT THIS PLACE CLEAN! WHAT PART DON'T YOU (bleep) UNDERSTAND?! [throws down a chair] WE JUST SHUT DOWN THE (bleep) RESTAURANT!!! TONIGHT!!! NOBODY SEEMS TO GET THAT (bleep)!!! CLEAN THIS (bleep) MESS!!!

[Michael is in denial]

Michael:
That lobster's fresh. Even though it died, it's... good.

Gordon:
The freshest thing in this kitchen is that pigeon flying around. And he's lucky he's still alive.

[Gordon reads the sign by the front door]

Gordon:
'Enter as strangers, leave as friends'... Enter a stranger, start dating the owner.

[Gordon tries a French onion soup.]

Gordon:
(Bleep). It's like somebody's dropped sliced onions into boiling dishwater. Dreadful.

Maureen:
How's the French onion?

Gordon:
Off to a bad start unfortunately. It's like somebody's (bleep) in my soup.

[Gordon looks at the shepherd's pie.]

Gordon:
That gravy's made from...

Annette:
Beef.

Gordon:
Beef stock on a shepherd's pie.

Annette:
Yes.

Gordon:
A shepherd's pie is made out of...

Annette:
This one is actually beef.

Gordon:
Then it's a cottage pie, not a shepherd's pie, because the shepherd stands for the...

Annette:
The sheep.

Chief:
(to Annette) He (Mitch) doesn't know what he's doing. Mitch is (bleep) up everything here.

Chief:
(to Maureen) Mitch can be blind and I'm not kidding you. He's (bleep) me over here. All you have to do is do what I told you.

Maureen:
Yeah. Well, I'm not even going there, Dad.

[Gordon finds some meat in the refrigerator.]

Gordon:
You've got raw meat here, cooked meat, salami with blood in there. (Bleep), come on, please. Don't do this to yourselves, let alone the customers. Rule number one: When learning to cook, you cannot store raw meat and cooked meat on the same (bleep) shelf in the same (bleep) fridge. The whole (bleep) thing has got a cross-contamination.

Gordon:
I would never, never have put a spoon of anything in my mouth if I knew this was taking place.

Annette:
(interview) It's shocking to see just the extent of cross-contamination. There's no check-up.

Gordon:
(to Chief) Sorry, Chief. You may be the chief, but I swear to God, there's one thing that Grasshopper hasn't got is a LEADER.

Maureen:
(interview) We should all be ashamed of ourselves. At this point in time, I'd like to shot the doors and just say, "You know what? Break it off."

Gordon:
{to Mitch, Maureen and Chief) Someone's gotta help me here a little bit. I cannot help a situation who are not willing to help themselves, and you don't need me to come in here and turn your fridge upside-down. Mitch, if you're the one with the hands-on deck in this business, and you're (Maureen) supporting him, and you're (Chief) the mentoring figure, we're screwed.

Maureen:
We have people coming tonight. What are we going to do?

Gordon:
I can guarantee you one thing. I am NOT serving food tonight with that (bleep) in there - no way.

[Abby lies on the chairs after receiving a harsh critique from Gordon]

Abby:
So what do I do? Like, just get out of the restaurant business? Then, obviously, my thirty years in business is, like, worthless and I have no idea what the (bleep) I am doing? Okay! I think I'm going to open that hot dog stand down the beach.

Mini:
Want some tea or something?

Abby:
No!

[Gordon has found rotting food in the refrigerator]

Gordon:
You haven't got a head chef?

Abby:
Jimmy is my head chef.

Gordon:
So we have a head chef. Before, you weren't ready to confirm he was a head chef. All of a sudden, we discover this mess down here. Now, he's appointed.

Abby:
Rico, why don't we just sell the place and just get out of the business?

Gordon:
Why don't we what?!

Abby:
I was talking to Rico. It has nothing to do with you.

Gordon:
Has nothing to do with me?

Abby:
No.

Gordon:
Excuse me? What do you think I'm doing? I'm trying--

Abby:
You're being a (bleep)! This wasn't like this. I don't run a kitchen like this!

Gordon:
Hold on a minute. You're calling me a (bleep)?

Abby:
I am!

Gordon:
You stuck-up precious little bitch! Let me tell you something!

Abby:
Oh, boy. Here we go.

Gordon:
Listen to me!

Abby:
I'm not going to listen to you.

Gordon:
You're in denial!

Abby:
I'm not in denial!

Gordon:
Yes you are! You can't even (bleep) accept it!

Abby:
(bleep) you!

Gordon:
And you walk out again!

Abby:
I am! (Flips off Gordon) (bleep) you! (walks upstairs)

Gordon:
There you go. Flip the bird? That's your attitude? (to Rico) And that's your partner? I'm really sorry, but this wasn't like this before I got here? She's deluded, that woman.

Abby:
You are insane!

Gordon:
Blame me all you want! Easy excuses that you're insane!

Abby:
I'm insane? You're insane!

Gordon:
You can't even handle the (bleep) truth!

Abby:
That refrigerator was not like that before you got here.

Gordon:
You're in denial. Flip out again!

Abby:
I would NEVER allow my refrigerator to go like that!

Gordon:
And those BONES?! The moldy lamb bones?!

Abby:
I don't even talk to my staff like this! Why don't you get the (bleep) out of my restaurant?!

Gordon:
You want me to go? I will go.

Abby:
I would love you to go! Get the (bleep) out of my restaurant, please!

Gordon:
YOU ARE SO IN DENIAL, YOU NEED THERAPY!!

Abby:
You're a disgrace to this industry! (bleep) you and get out of my restaurant! Are you still here?

Gordon:
(to the cameraman) Not now, guys, please, please.

Abby:
(bleep) him!

Narrator:
When Chef Ramsay goes to work on any of the restaurants, he always does a thorough kitchen inspection. And while some are absolutely fine, others are a disgusting mess. Here are the three worst inspections in Kitchen Nightmares history.

Number three:
Fiesta Sunrise, a Mexican restaurant in West Nyack, New York.

Number two:
Seascape Inn, a family restaurant in Islip, New York.

And number one:
Dillon's, an Indian restaurant in New York City.

Narrator:
Thanks to Chef Ramsay's encouragement, Jeff jumps back into the kitchen and tries to help his brother Jim.

Jeff:
Keep it up Jim. You're doing a good job.

Narrator:
But unfortunatly, he only makes matters worse.

Gordon:
[looking at a raw chicken breast] Jim, what have you done to those?

Jim:
I don't know what happened to those. I really don't.

Gordon:
You defrosted them in the bag?

Jim:
I think I defrosted them in the bag and I...

Gordon:
Jeff.

Jeff:
Yeah?

Gordon:
The chicken tenders. What did you do to defrost them?

Jeff:
I put it on the steam table.

Gordon:
You defrosted them in the steam table from frozen?

Jeff:
Yeah.

Gordon:
Oh my god.

Jeff:
Not what you're supposed to do?

Gordon:
No! Frozen food needs to be defrosted naturally.

Jim:
Right.

Gordon:
Give me the bag. Where's the bag? [takes the bag from Jim] (Bleep)! [opens the bag to find slimy chicken] Oh my god almighty! We can't serve that! You'll (bleep) kill somebody! Jim, talk to me!

Jim:
What am I supposed to say? It's a mistake.

Gordon:
It's a lethal mistake! Is that what I ate lunch time?

Jim:
Yeah.

Gordon:
Oh (bleep)! I've been feeling a little bit crap all afternoon. What are you two doing?

Jim:
I (bleep) up.

Gordon:
"I (bleep) up."

Jim:
Well, what do you want me to say?

Gordon:
I want you to step up to the plate and be a man!

Jim:
I screwed up!

Gordon:
You haven't told anyone yet.

Jim:
(interview) He was just being a jerk! He's an ass. I'm so tired of him just pushing and pushing!

Gordon:
Grow some (bleep) and take it off the menu!

Jim:
(interview) I've had enough. I'm so pissed! I can only take so much before I fight back.

Jeff:
(Jim steps out of the kitchen and walks into the dining room.) Jim! Jim!

Jim:
Out of the way! (announcing) Ladies and gentlemen! Due to circu-- circumstance, we have no chicken tonight. (Gordon groans) My apology to everyone here. If you just want to have what you're eating now and leave, I understand fully and I apologize.

Gordon:
Hey, there may have been a more subtle way of doing that.

Jim:
Get out of my way, (Bleep)! We cancelled all our chicken orders. We got screwed!

Gordon:
Will you stop acting like a baby?

Jim:
Oh, grow it out of your (bleep)!

Gordon:
Excuse me?!

Jim:
You heard it!

Gordon:
Hey, you need a little diaper changing? That time of night?

Jim:
I'll give you something!

Gordon:
A little poo-poo? Cack your pants?

Jim:
(interview) He's the baby. He's the one that's whining over everything. I don't need to hear this crap.

Gordon:
Jim, why do you have to behave like this?

Jim:
I'm not going to get yelled at!

Gordon:
You're acting around like a big baby. I'm just asking you to grow up a little bit! Show a little respect for what you're trying to cook.

Jim:
(Bleep) off!

Gordon:
Oh my god! You big wet noodle! Do you want a blanket and a bottle?

Jim:
Do you need one? Upside the head?

Jeff:
Jim, stop it please.

Gordon:
Oh my god. What a spoiled brat!

Jim:
(Bleep) you!

Jeff:
Jim, shut up please! You're not helping the cause. (Jim's pan catches fire.)

Gordon:
Oh my god! Now he's setting himself on fire.

Jim:
I hope so.

Gordon:
(To Darian) Are they always acting this childish?

Darian:
Oh yeah. They don't get their way, they cry or throw a temper tantrum.

Gordon:
Oh my god. To walk into the dining room like that and scream.

Darian:
That's what I said. A temper tantrum. (interview) There's a part of me that's very satisfied to see the boys finally get what they deserve. A lesson in humility.

Jeff:
By the way, we have HOMEMADE MEATBALLS!

Gordon:
Wow. They're dreadful. Oysters named after the owner? I sure wouldn't put my name on that. I wouldn't even put my enemy's name on that.

[Gordon's blackened duck has been sent back to the kitchen]

Moe:
Oh, my God. [groans] It's tough?

Rami:
Look how tough the duck is!

Moe:
You said it's tough?

Rami:
It is tough, man! Cut it! And look- I'm 500 pounds, and look... [tries to cut it]

Damon:
It is not tough.

Rami:
The meat is tough!

Moe:
I'm hungry and I'm gonna (bleep) eat 'em up myself.

Moe:
[interview] That's my favorite dish on the menu. And that duck is not going nowhere. This is gonna stay quackin' on my menu.

Moe:
I don't give a (bleep) if he doesn't like it. [takes a bite] Man, this duck is so (bleep) good, man. (interview) Oh my gosh, (kisses).

Moe:
Hey look, that's the skin.

Rami:
It's tough. (interview) Moe doesn't get it. He doesn't want to listen, he still thinks it's tender. I don't know what kind of teeth he has.

Moe:
You know what? I'd like him to come back here and cook the duck and show him what his duck look like. We're going to call it the "Gordon duck!" (laughs; Gordon can hear it.) It's gonna be a British duck right there! (laughs)

Gordon:
What the hell's going on in there?

Rami:
How's it going, Chef?

Gordon:
They're laughing. What is going on in there?

Rami:
The food is coming back to the kitchen and they think it's a joke.

Gordon:
Um, can I meet the chef?

Rami:
Absolutely.

Chef:
[Mocks Gordon back in the kitchen] "It's bloody dreadful! (Bleep) bloody!"

Moe:
[interview] Chef Ramsay is clueless. I really don't think that British can cook period.

Gordon:
I'm going to do some work in the kitchen. Do you have any recipes...on pen and paper?

Moe:
[points to his head] Right here.

Gordon:
What?!

Moe:
Right here.

Gordon:
So why aren't they on pen and paper? Why haven't we got a database?

Moe:
I like to keep my recipes secrets. If I put them on a piece of paper, I don't want anyone to steal them.

Gordon:
(Bleep) hell. Oh, (bleep). So you're worried that somebody gets the recipe and copies it.

Moe:
Anybody changes my recipe, I'm going to kill them. It's my recipe.

Gordon:
Rami, help me out here. Is this for real?

Rami:
This is what we do everyday chef. [Gordon laughs]

Moe:
You think it's funny but believe what I tell you.

Gordon:
I don't think it's funny, You're just a little bit deluded.

Moe:
Well you know what? The recipes are in my head.

Gordon:
[incredulously] Are you stupid?!

Moe:
I am not stupid.

Rami:
Moe, you are stupid. [interview] The kitchen absolutely don't know what the (bleep) to cook because the recipe is in Moe's head! It's crazy.

Moe:
Don't call me stupid in my (bleep) restaurant! You understand that you need to learn how to talk to people?! This is New Orleans! You understand?!

Gordon:
Wow...

Moe:
This is New Orleans! Don't (bleep) come down here talking to us like that!

Gordon:
Calm down...

Moe:
I have NEVER been chewed up like you chewed me up! (in interview) We got nothing but swamp around here! Anybody who talk like that get chopped up and fed to the (bleep) alligators!

Gordon:
I'm not here to blow smoke up your (bleep) arse, let me tell you that. I'm here to fix this restaurant. But you are one obstacle, aren't you?

Moe:
No, I'm an easy-going guy...I listen, I work hard....

Gordon:
But you're a..."busy idiot."

Moe:
:....I don't think he gets it that he needs to watch his language.

Rami:
But you're not getting that he's here to help us.

Moe:
But I'm not calling him an idiot, he's calling me an idiot.

Gordon:
"Busy" idiot.

Moe:
Busy idiot.

Gordon:
You're working hard in the wrong places.

Moe:
I mean, I feel like flipping the (bleep) table right now.

Rami:
Did you hear what he said? He just explained it, you're working hard in the wrong places.

Moe:
Busy idiot! Is he kidding me?! [in interview] I will stand up, beat the (bleep) out of him, and show him who the (bleep) idiot is!

Gordon:
What is it you want? A fight?

Moe:
[long pause] My problem is, I wanna make this restaurant successful.

Gordon:
So do I. I'm here to help. I don't want to see you running around killing yourself like a busy idiot. I've just gone over the fact that we haven't got any recipes on paper, and all in your head. You're worrying about writing them down for some other chef copying them and making their restaurants more successful than yours. I'm in the real world. That's where I am. You're treating me like one of your (bleep) staff. Well, let me tell you, Moe, I'm not a member of your staff. Flip the table, punch me, do the (bleep) what you wanna do. But don't (bleep) with me.

Frank:
Hey moron! This is your table!

Anthony:
Get the fuck out of here, really.

[After discovering they don’t have a head chef]

Gordon:
Abby, what you’re employing is a ship with no captain at the helm and a team desperate for guidance. No guidance is no standards; no standards is no consistency. So, who came up with the menu? If this is American comfort food, somebody’s dreaming here.

Abby:
I did. I did; I take full responsibility for the menu.

Gordon:
You have no cooking background but you put the menu together? Abby, you’ve got to understand how frustrating this is. It’s ridiculous!

Abby:
I don’t know what to say. Fix it. You fix it! That’s why you’re here.

Gordon:
Oh come on, Abby! How can I fix it when you stand there in front of your team rating YOU and your restaurant and your food 10 out of 10? Dreamer!

Abby:
I don’t... I don’t think it’s as bad as you say it’s...

Gordon:
Stop being in denial!

Abby:
Can you be more specific about the meat loaf? What did you not like about the meat loaf?

Gordon:
(in disbelief) Oh, SHIT!

Abby:
Can you say something besides...

Gordon:
You’re loopy!

Abby:
I’ve been called worse than that.

Gordon:
Wake up and admit it’s shit!

Abby:
Bring it on.

Gordon:
Oh, come on.

Abby:
Bring it on.

Gordon:
What do you mean, “bring it on”?

(Gordon is lifting a tray with about 30 salads in martini glasses)

Gordon:
Oh, my God. You are kidding me. Jesus Christ! Who's doing all this? Oh, my good God.

Una:
Um, Gordon, if you continue like that, Jesus Christ is actually going to appear.

Gordon:
I hope so, because that's what's needed right now.

Gordon:
(finds a container of spoiled shrimp) What's this? Oh, fucking hell.

Moe:
Oooooh...

Gordon:
(smells the shrimp) Oh my... (starts coughing and then throws up in a bin) Shit! How old are they?

Damon:
I don't know.

Gordon:
Just smell them. (Damon smells) Smell them.

Moe:
(smelling) Oh! (interview) The smell was like "Argh!" I had no idea... Chef... Damon was doing such a shitty job.

Gordon:
Look at the colour of them! All this shit is tarnished now, the whole fucking lot is tainted!

Rami:
(interview) It's just... unacceptable. I mean Chef Damon should know better, he's an executive chef.

Rami:
Busy idiot's a compliment. He's from British. He doesn't speak English.

Moe:
If I don't like the changes, I will send him back to British with a black eye.

Gordon:
Moe thinks that running a restaurant on bourbon street is all about having a good time when it should be about dedication and striving for success. That's why I'm not sure that Oceana will be here next year when I come back. Wow. "I've got all the recipes inside my head." Unbelievable.