SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 8

Fuzzy Acorns:
Congratulations, Sandy. You've managed to put your opponent to sleep in under 1 minute. Too bad your opponent didn't put up a fight. I was prepared to give you the lowest of belts: a clear belt. But now I realized, you're unfit to wear a belt of any kind INCLUDING THE ONE THAT HOLDS UP YOUR PANTS!

Sandy:
Don't be disappointed, Spongebob. A belt isn't the most important thing in karate.

Spongebob:
(Depressed) Easy for you to say, Sandy. Your pants aren't down around your ankles.

Fuzzy Acorns:
And I'm revoking your black belt.

Sandy:
Hey. You can't do that.

Fuzzy Acorns:
Oh yes, I can, for wasting my time, bringing me this SORRY EXCUSE FOR A STUDENT! Stick to something you're good at, son.

Spongebob:
Yes, sensei. [walks out of Sandy's house, while also having trouble staying up]

Sandy:
That was pretty lowdown, Fuzzy. The way you humiliated my friend.

Fuzzy Acorns:
The square one will never earn his belt.

Sandy:
I know Spongebob will impress you if you give him one more chance.

Fuzzy Acorns:
Silence. No more chances. Sensei never gives two chances. If you really want to impress me, show me where I can get a decent meal around here. Lunchtime approaches.

Sandy:
That's it! (excited) I'll take him to the Krusty Krab and then, he might just find himself impressed by a certain sandwich maker.

Fuzzy Acorns:
Who are you talking to?

Squidward:
Oh, Krabsy, after tea, I think a full tentacle massage would be an order.

Mr. Krabs:
I ain't touching your tentacles with a 10-ft...

Squidward:
[on phone] Hello, Office Workers Safety Department... [Mr. Krabs jumps at Squidward ripping the phone out of his hand, then eats it]

Mr. Krabs:
[chuckles nervously] I'll go get the massage oil now. [runs inside; cut to the storage room] Boy, ya got anything?

SpongeBob:
Not yet, Mr. Krabs. [Mr. Krabs groans; takes a bucket of fry grease]

Squidward:
[clearing throat] I'm waiting!

Mr. Krabs:
Coming!

SpongeBob:
This just isn't adding up.

Patrick:
[sits up] Pudding?

SpongeBob:
We must be missing something. Patrick, we're going to need help even more expert than you. [cut to inside the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs massages Squidward's tentacles using the fry grease]

Mr. Krabs:
What? You mean all this was one of your goofball schemes?

Plankton:
Now, now, Krabs, SpongeBob has taught us important life lessons, such as, oh, how to fall out of an airplane for instance.

Mr. Krabs:
Yeah, and how to comically bludgeon myself.

Plankton:
In fact, I think it's time we repay him, don't you?

Mr. Krabs:
Great idea, pal. [clenches fists together. Plankton does the same] We'll teach you about teamwork. [hops on top of Plankton who carries him. SpongeBob runs away screaming] Get back here! [Plankton chases SpongeBob while carrying Mr. Krabs]

Plankton:
We should do this more often, Krabs.

[Frank crashes into Lenny's car]

Lenny:
Hey-hey-hey, watch it, will ya?! I just had this thing repainted!

Frank:
And I just had this repainted! [takes out a pipe-like object]

Lenny:
I see you used the extra-glossy...

Tony Jr.:
[stops walking and notices SpongeBob] Yeah, what is it? Can't you see I'm walking here?

SpongeBob:
I can see that! And I'm eager to learn more from you!

Tony Jr.:
Eager?

SpongeBob:
Yeah!

Tony Jr.:
I can't teach you anything more at this square school, no offense, SquarePants.

SpongeBob:
None taken!

Tony Jr.:
Well, if you really wanna learn more, you can come by my house later! [walks off]

SpongeBob:
Oh! I'll be delighted to!

SpongeBob:
This one's for all the marbles.

Patrick:
But I thought we weren't betting.

SpongeBob:
No, I mean whoever wins this hole wins the game. [Squidward wakes up and takes off his blindfold to see SpongeBob and Patrick talking]

Squidward:
[muffled] What's going on here? [screams]

SpongeBob and Patrick:
[they shoot, landing the ball in Gary's food bowl, spilling on him] Hole in one! [Squidward sits up]

SpongeBob:
[softly] Good morning.

Patrick:
Sorry we woke you.

Squidward:
[muffled and stammering] Wha-What? [his mouth is shown, with no dentures]

SpongeBob:
Hey, Squidward, what happened to your dentures? [scene cuts to Gary, with Squidward's dentures in his bowl]

Patrick:
[as he and SpongeBob leave Squidward's house] Good game, pal.

SpongeBob:
Rematch next Saturday?

Patrick:
Rain or shine, SpongeBob. Rain or shine.

[It stops raining, focusing on Squidward's house, which collapses.]

Squidward:
[muffled] SpongeBob?!

Squidward:
Well, now that you completely ruined my day, once again, I'm going back to bed.

SpongeBob:
Alright, nighty-night.

Squidward:
Idiot. [opens his door filled with photos by SpongeBob] What the...?! [sees a picture of Pete] SpongeBob, why is my house filled with photos of your dumb junk?

SpongeBob:
Oh, I forgot to tell you, I took so many pictures I ran out of room in my house. [opens the door filled with photos and Patrick appears sliding with photos]

Patrick:
Nice dress.

Squidward:
[getting very angry] IT'S A NIGHTSHIRT!

Plankton:
[riding a small plane, laughing] Secret formula, you are mine! [ejects himself out of the plane]

[The plane hits the safe, but the safe is still okay.]

Plankton:
Perhaps I misjudged the scale on that one. [landing] That does it! Listen up, safe, I will spill your contents, even if I have to tear you apart... [rips a piece of the safe] BIT BY BIT! [rips the piece he just rips] MOLECULE BY MOLECULE!! [rips a molecule in half] ATOM BY ATOM!!! [rips an atom in half; it starts to glow and buzz. Plankton, despite going to college, had clearly forgotten what happens when you split an atom] Uh-oh.

[the split atom explodes, setting off a nuclear explosion, obliterating the Krusty Krab and the safe.]

Plankton:
Surely, the safe couldn't survive nuclear detonation. Come to papa! [takes the bottle containing the secret formula]

SpongeBob:
[showing off a "fancy" outfit that he is wearing] So, umm...what do you guys think? Sweet duds, huh, Patrick?

Patrick:
Ha ha, sure are! [Squidward clears his throat] ...for a baby.

Squidward:
Well played, Patrick! Well played...

SpongeBob:
Beard! I must remove that beard!

Patrick:
Hey! Stop that beard!

SpongeBob:
Patrick! It's not a beard! It's a sea urchin! It must've been sleeping on your face until your tears awoke it from its hibernation.

Patrick:
How do you know my name!?

SpongeBob:
Because, Mr. Patrick Star... [takes off his hat] ...you told me.

Patrick:
SpongeBob!

SpongeBob:
Patrick! [hugs him]

Patrick:
Oh, please! You can call me Patrick! [The crowd cheers for SpongeBob and Patrick until they are interrupted by Squidward]

Squidward:
Quiet! Hold it! Stop it right there! I am ashamed and disgusted by you people! I mean, don't you know a terrible performance when you see it!?

Fish:
Yes! We do!

Squidward:
That's what I thought you... [gets a tomato tossed right in his face] No, no! I didn't mean it like that! It was- [gets bombarded with even more fruit]

SpongeBob and Patrick:
[laughing] Food fight! [The episode ends with SpongeBob, Patrick, and the crowd throwing food]

SpongeBob:
Patrick, you're kinda derailing the proceedings here. Just focus on me, huh?

Patrick:
Alright, alright. [stares at SpongeBob with bloodshot eyes]

SpongeBob:
Patrick, nobody throws pillows in class!

Patrick:
Says you! SPEECH!

Patrick:
Try again.

SpongeBob:
[panting] Boating...safety...

[Patrick crashes together a pair of cymbals, causing SpongeBob to lose his balance and fall off the treadmill while still holding the handlebars]

Patrick:
Come on, SquarePants. Is this the best you can do?

SpongeBob:
Patrick, I don't think this is working.

[The treadmill's motion grinds SpongeBob into a pile of dust on the floor]

Patrick:
[shouts] SPEECH! [startled, SpongeBob jumps up in his normal form. Patrick continues yelling the same word repeatedly, making SpongeBob even more nervous] SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! [his eyes are now talking] SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEE-

SpongeBob:
Patrick, stop! Somehow, you're help just isn't helping. I am even more nervous about this oral report than I've ever been about anything. [shivers]

Sandy:
White knuckles, leaky pores, stomach in knots... Y-yep. He looks pretty bad. SpongeBob, you're afflicted with severe Oral Report-itis! You know, patients with this disease have been known to physically explode. KER-POW!!!

SpongeBob:
[shrieks]

Sandy:
It has been scientifically proven that 85% of speech related stress can be eliminated if the speaker imagines the audience in their underwear. Everyone will look so silly, you won't even remember you're nervous! Which is why I invented these: Goggles that let you see people in their undies. Or, I could just make you a fake boating license.

SpongeBob:
That's still illegal. Give me the goggles. [tries them on] It's not working.

Sandy:
Well, of course it isn't, silly! I'm only wearing my undies. See if they work on Patrick.

SpongeBob:
[looks at Patrick and jumps] Eh. Yeah, they work.

Plankton:
Hey, buddy! [door slams] Squidward! [door slams] Free cleaning service? [door slams] Census taker. [door slams] Good day, kind sir. Would you like to buy some Gil Scout cookies? [door slams] Ow! [tape rips]

SpongeBob:
Here's your Krabby Patty! [puts his Krabby Patty on the table and holds up his tray] Shall I put it on your tab?

Patrick:
Oh, yeah. Keep it open. We might be here all night! Let me just say up front, I'm a fan! I'm excited to learn from a master. My career in self-worth are in your hands! Let us writing on this. Okay... advise!

Squidward:
[sighs and gets up] Why don't you just concentrate on your patty? [leaves]

Patrick:
[looks at his patty] Of course, it's so obvious now! How did I not see it earlier? Squidward's a genius! I know now what I must do! [reaches in his pocket for googly eyes and puts them on the patty, admiring his masterpiece.]

Frederick Nitpick:
[pops out of the ketchup bottle] Brilliant! [hands Patrick a bag full of money] I've never seen such an example of raw creativity! This will turn the art world on its head! I hereby declare this the next big thing! [echoes. The customers swarm the Krusty Krab and hold up their money]

SpongeBob:
You did it, Patrick! You found your inspiration!

Patrick:
[holds up his money bag] And I'm going to need some more of those patty thingies!

SpongeBob:
You got it, buddy! [jumps into the kitchen and flips some patties, which fly out to Patrick. Patrick decorates a patty and gives it to Tom, who gives him another money bag]

Mr. Krabs:
Huh? [hears cha-ching] Ooh, money! Money, money, money, money, money, money, money! [opens the cash register and notices it's empty, then gasps] What the? [gasps again and notices customers giving money to Patrick and SpongeBob giving him patties] SpongeBob! [grabs SpongeBob] Patrick! [grabs Patrick and pulls both of them into his office] What's the meaning of this?

Patrick:
It's my art. Uh, I buy Krabby Patties for $3 and I..I sell them for $50. [Mr. Krabs gets mad with a growling animal sound. SpongeBob and Patrick get worried and cry]

Squidward:
Ha and ha!

Patrick:
Why is he so mad, Squidward? I was just following your advice!

Mr. Krabs:
What?! [to Squidward, angrily] It was your idea, huh?!

[The scene cuts to SpongeBob bringing more patties out.]

SpongeBob:
Here's a whole new batch of Krabby Patty canvases.

Mr. Krabs:
Great, SpongeBob! [to Incidental 41] That'll be fifty bucks!

Incidental 41:
[hands Mr. Krabs money] It's so inexpensive!

Mr. Krabs:
And here's your patty! One more art patty, Mr. Star!

Incidental 41:
It's such an honor to meet you!

Patrick:
[takes the patty] I can only imagine! Apprentice! [turns to Squidward] Make another of my masterpieces, good man. [Squidward grabs the patty and squirts glue on the top bun] If you work real hard, you may be an artist too someday! [Squidward growls at Patrick. Patrick looks at the patty.] Mm, probably not. Needs more glitter. [Squidward breaks down bawling, ending the episode]

Announcer:
There’s the green flag, and the race is underway! [The car passes Car “1, 2, 5, 7, and 8 til it gets to the finish line] And we have a new winner!

Mermaid Man:
[slaps forehead] The story. Yes. [a new flashback begins, very similar to the first one] I was a young, handsome muscular lad, soaking up the sun's rays on the beach, when suddenly I became drowsy. [Mermaid Man in the flashback falls asleep instantly] A wave came ashore and drew me back into the ocean!

Young Mermaid Man:
Help! [coughing]

Mermaid Man:
[narrating] Suddenly, I realized I was being sucked under by a violent whirlpool! I was running out of oxygen fast. [sinks to the bottom of the sea and gives up trying the struggle] But before I drowned, I was rescued by mermaids. [carried through the ocean by 2 mermaids] They took me to the ocean floor, where they gave me a magic sea star that allowed me to breathe underwater. [Mermaid Man in the past inhales and exhales deeply, then falls asleep, the present Mermaid Man falls asleep also]

Barnacle Boy:
Wake up, you old coot.

Mermaid Man:
[wakes up after being nudged by Barnacle Boy] Huh?

Barnacle Boy:
Finish the story.

SpongeBob:
[excitedly] Yeah, Mermaid Man. What about Barnacle Boy?

Patrick:
Yeah, how'd you 2 meet?

Mermaid Man:
[slapping his temples] Oh. Sorry, boys. There I was in the ocean, the only human who could breathe underwater. [flashback resumes] Alas, such a life got lonely real fast, I had no other humans to talk to. What was a man to do? Then my question was answered. [the bottom of a boat is seen in the flashback, then the port side of the boat is shown, where a very young Barnacle Boy is scraping barnacles off the wood. The captain of the boat appears]

Captain:
Hey, Barnacle Boy. Make sure you scrape the barnacles underneath, too.

Young Barnacle Boy:
Aye, aye. [takes a deep breath and lowers himself underwater to get the barnacles under the surface]

Young Mermaid Man:
A boy in trouble! I've got to act fast or he'll drown. [he swims to Barnacle Boy] Fear not, young man, I'll take care of this.

Mermaid Man:
[narrating once again] I used my new telekinetic powers to draw barnacles into Barnacle Boy's body, where they took the place of his lungs so he could breathe underwater, too. [Young Barnacle Boy inhales] It was at that moment when we decided to team up.

SpongeBob:
[the flashback has ended] Ohhh, so that's how you guys got together.

Barnacle Boy:
No, no, no. [shaking head and crossing arms] The reason I teamed up with this joker is because... I was stuck breathing underwater for the rest of my life.

Mermaid Man:
Oh... yeah.

Barnacle Boy:
[to SpongeBob and Patrick] Anyway, from that day forward, we became…

Johnny:
...Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, superhero crime fighters!

Young Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy:
[new flashback begins, an alarm is clanging while people are shouting] A crime in progress! [A bank robber laughs maniacally as he is stealing bags of cash from the First Nautical Bank]

Banker:
Stop, thief!

Young Barnacle Boy:
See if you think this is funny, evildoer. [He rapidly spits barnacles at the robber, knocking him down] Who's laughing now, thieving scum?

Banker:
[shaking Mermaid Man's hand] Thank you, sir and to whom do I owe this debt of gratitude?

Young Mermaid Man:
You can thank me, Mermaid Man. [Barnacle Boy's seen shaking in indignity in the background]

Man Ray:
[new flashback begins, Man Ray has the upper hand in a duel against Barnacle Boy. He laughs] You're mine!

Young Barnacle Boy:
[shoots web a web of cheese-like material that binds and gags Man Ray] How'd you like to taste my tentacle zapper, Man Ray?

Young Mermaid Man:
[dialing a pay phone] Hello? [indistinct response] So, what are you wearing? [indistinct response] Oh. In that case, can I get a large pepperoni pizza, extra cheese? Thanks. [Barnacle Boy slaps his head in disgust]

[The origin special plays.]

Narrator:
The story of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy all started here.

Tim (Barnacle Boy):
Come on, Ernie! The movie's about to start... Where's the popcorn?

Ernie (Mermaid Man):
It's in the microwave, Tim.

Narrator:
At that very moment in the apartment directly above, a rogue scientist doing tests on radioactive ants knocks over a jar of his infected specimens, 1 of which, without any hesitation, crawls down 1 floor and miraculously lands undetected. It viciously bites our soon-to-be superhero. He screams in pain...!

Ernie (Mermaid Man):
Ahh!

Narrator:
...Stumbling backwards!

Tim (Barnacle Boy):
What on earth?

Narrator:
In a split-second, both men find themselves in a freefall that sends them squarely through the roof of a vats of acid factory, and into a vat of acid that is tipped over by an errant alien spaceship, carrying the 2 blindly on a wave of acid during a solar eclipse on a leap year, precariously careening onto a bomb-testing site, where a cataclysmic explosion exposes our heroes in waiting to highly toxic radium gases; Then, as fate would have it, magical storm clouds move in, zapping both men with a neon-plaid lightning bolt and raining radioactive ooze, which, through centrifugal and electromagnetic turbulence, causes a powerful earthquake deep in the jungle 2,000 miles away, consequently unearthing a magical crystal with wings that flies to Ernie and Tim's exact location, and powered by super gamma energy currents, pilots them to open skies until, not paying attention, the crystal clips the top of a billboard, flinging the 2 back to their apartment miraculously unharmed, when...

Ernie (Mermaid Man):
Hey, the popcorn's ready!

Johnny:
...They proceed with movie night, and eat slightly overcooked popcorn.

Tim (Barnacle Boy):
Mmmm... I think you overcooked this a little.

Johnny:
Suddenly, an amazing reaction to the overcooked popcorn hits them with a jolt of cosmic super energy, metamorphosing Ernie into an incredibly strong, seastar-wearing superhero and Tim into a slightly less strong, but also super sailor-looking guy.

Tim [Barnacle Boy]:
I have the sudden and incredibly urge to breathe water instead of air.

Ernie [Mermaid Man]:
As do I.

Narrator:
And that is how they became the superheroes we have come to know as... Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy - Defenders of the Deep!

[Plankton presses a button. A machine covers him then retracts. An eye appears on the side of Plankton's head.]

Plankton:
[eye appears] Success! [another eye grows] Uh oh, that ain't good. [even more eyes grow] No, no, no, no no no no no no no! I can see everyth- [an eye grows inside of him and pops out of his mouth]

SpongeBob:
Mr. Krabs, what is this thing?

Mr. Krabs:
Why, it's my old soap press!

SpongeBob:
Soap press?

Mr. Krabs:
That's right! All the soap Pearl and I use comes from this machine. And the best part is, it runs on 100% pure leftover Krabby Patties!

SpongeBob:
Leftover Krabby Patties?

Mr. Krabs:
[tosses a Krabby Patty into the machine] Their precious essences are harvested, and after a brief cooling process, tumble out this conveyor belt as fresh, wonderful bars of soap! [the new soap falls off the conveyor belt into a basket] Fresh and invigorating! Plus, it's absolutely free.

SpongeBob:
[picks up one of the soap bars and sniffs it] Ohhhh, that explains why it smells so familiar! I don't know about this, Mr. Krabs. If Pearl finds out that you...

Pearl:
[lividly] I've been using soap made out of Krabby Patties?!

Mr. Krabs:
Krabby Patty essence.

Pearl:
That's grease!

Mr. Krabs:
Well, if you want to split hairs, I suppose-

Pearl:
[furiously] DADDY! [throws soap at her father]

Mr. Krabs:
[runs away in fear] Got to go, you kids have fun!

SpongeBob:
[running outside of his Grandma's house] Hang on, Gary! [when SpongeBob arrives at his house and opens the door, water comes out, and SpongeBob swims inside, then the water drains out] Gary! [hears Gary meow] What's the matter, buddy? [runs up the stairs, the sees Gary meowing at the book called "Snail Tales" while Patrick is laying on' SpongeBob's bed] Ahh... reading Patrick a bedtime story, I see. "Snail Tales," that's a good one.

Patrick:
[sits up on the bed] "Snail Tales"? I thought it was called, "Meow, meow, meow".

SpongeBob:
[taking down notes] Normal. [he then goes in the robot warehouse. He is counting the robots] 2,692... [he is wearing a hat. He types the something down on a gadget. The gadget takes out some paper with the words on it] 2,693... [types something again and the gadget takes out more paper] 2,694... [types something again but he types to much causing the gadget to take out lots of paper. He starts laughing. Suddenly, the gadget goes on fire and so does the paper then it disintegrates. SpongeBob leaves. Scene cuts to him wearing a dress while dusting Sandy's artifacts] Sandy said this collection of rare fragile artifacts needs to be gently cleaned twice daily. There we go. Not a speck of dust anywhere. Wait a minute. [turns a skull head around and spots a dot on it] Aha! [takes a feather off the duster and dusts the dot off] There... we go. [scene cuts to SpongeBob checking the worm incubator] Worm incubator. Well, looks like everything's fine here. [there is a squishing sound] What the...? [a worm starts to hatch] Ohhh! Sandy said these wouldn't hatch for... [checks the list] ...weeks! What is going on?! [Patrick's head pops up] Oh! Patrick? [Patrick pops out of the hole wearing his helmet]

Patrick:
SpongeBob! There you are!

SpongeBob:
Oh, what a relief. I thought you were a horrible mutant worm who was about to soak me with digestive juices and slowly consume me over a period of weeks.

Patrick:
Nah, no thanks. I had a late breakfast.

SpongeBob:
Why are you wearing that funny thing on your head?

Patrick:
Well, because we can't breathe in Sandy's treedome, remember? It's filled with air.

SpongeBob:
Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me. I almost for... [dries up and starts gasping for water] P-P-P-Patrick! Help me! I-I can't b-b-b-breathe! [Patrick puts a water helmet on SpongeBob's head]

Patrick:
There you go. [SpongeBob inhales and exhales]

SpongeBob:
Thanks, Patrick. You're a lifesaver. Now that I haven't suffocated, it's high time I got back to this list of house-sitting duties. So without further ado, Patrick, [opens the door] I'd like you to please immediately exit the treedome.

Patrick:
E-Exit the... Exit the treedome?!

SpongeBob:
That's right. Exit the tree...

Patrick:
Oh, SpongeBob, that's a great idea! Where should we go—Jellyfish Fields, Goo Lagoon, Barg'N-Mart, Lucky Larry's?

SpongeBob:
Well, Lucky Larry's sounds fun.

Patrick:
All right, let's go!

SpongeBob:
Hold it! I promised Sandy I'd take extra-special care of her treedome while she's at the Inventor's Convention today. And that is exactly what I intend to do. Patrick, this is a major responsibility.

Patrick:
Well, in that case, I'd better stay and help you.

SpongeBob:
Nnnnope.

Patrick:
Pleeease?

SpongeBob:
Not gonna happen.

Patrick:
Pretty please?

SpongeBob:
No way.

Patrick:
Pretty please with a scoop of vanilla ice cream?

SpongeBob:
[scoffs] Yeah, right.

Patrick:
Pretty please with a scoop of strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate ice cream, smothered in gooberberry sauce and topped with half a can of whipped topping?

SpongeBob:
Patrick, what do you take me for?

Patrick:
And a scoop of nuts!

SpongeBob:
Deal.

Patrick:
[jumps with joy] Hooray!

SpongeBob:
But you have to promise not to touch anything.

Patrick:
[raises his left hand] I, Patrick Star, hereby promise not to touch anything.

Kelpy G:
[crowd is softly chanting "Kelpy"] At this time, I'd like to welcome a very special guest to the stage — Mr. SpongeBob SmoothPants. [SpongeBob and Kelpy play their instruments at the same time and the crowd loves it]

Squidward:
This isn't fair. I should be on stage, not SpongeBob. I'm the mega-talent. I'll show you, Kelpy. [tries to play his clarinet, but security takes Squidward away] But I'm a musician!

Mr. Krabs:
What better way to spend an afternoon than trolling the sea vent for spare change. [Then something tugs on Mr. Krabs' magnet] Whooh! [Mr. Krabs pulls and a giant pile of sand hangs from his magnet] There's got to be a small fortune than discarded paperclips in there! [The sand falls, only to reveal a second magnet. He then gets upset] I knew this place looked familiar. [Startles in surprise] What's this? Goodness, that must be Sandy's treedome dwelling, and inside looks to be the largest soybean I have ever laid me eyestalks on. Now this bears getting a closer look. [He rings the door bell on Sandy's treedome and Sandy opens it in her air suit] Good afternoon, Miss Sandy.

Sandy:
And good afternoon to you Mr. Krabs. What brings you out to this fine neck of the woods?

Mr. Krabs:
Well uh, I just happen to be in the neighborhood and was wondering if you could see you in clear and grace me with a comprehensive tour of your home sweet treedome. [chuckles] I hear the giant soybean is lovely this time of the year.

Sandy:
Sure, lets get you fitted with a helmet.

Mr. Krabs:
Don't bother yourself. As long as I keep me ole lungs moist, I can breath your fancy air all day long.

Sandy:
Come on in then. [they go inside the treedome]

[SpongeBob and Sandy both walk outside the dome whistling as they walk up to a Jellien Clone]

Sandy:
Greetings, fellow clone. I hate mayonnaise.

SpongeBob:
I hate mayonnaise and mustard. [chuckles]

Jellien Fred:
[looks suspiciously at SpongeBob] Hmm... [SpongeBob and Sandy both walk off whistling] I like mustard!

SpongeBob:
[calling on loudspeaker] Krabby Patties, brand new Krabby Patty recipe, all new, all different, all delicious, try them for free!

Nazz:
You can't be serious.

Frank:
[sighs] I'm so hungry, I don't care, I gotta eat something.

Nazz:
No! Wait!

Nat:
[touches her shoulder] Let him go, it's too late.

SpongeBob:
All new free Krabby Patties!

Frank:
Hey, buddy, I'll try one. What have I got to lose? [everyone gasps as Frank eats half of the Krabby Patty] Dear Neptune Gill Sacks, this is the best thing I every put in my mouth! Yay! [Frank's shirt turns pink, then goes back to normal]

Nazz:
Did he just say it was good?

Frank:
[finishes the other half of the Krabby Patty] Woohoo! [Frank dances]

Nat:
Wow, Frank never dances, it must be good!

[everyone eats the Krabby Patties, Henry-Bart's eyes turn into a thumbs up, money comes out of his skin]

Henry-Bart:
I'm getting something this amazing for free! How much will this buy? [Henry-Bart throws money on SpongeBob]

Frank:
Yum yum! Yum yum yum yum! Yum yuuuum! [goes like a rocket; to SpongeBob] Hey you, patty boy, take my wallet, I gotta have more! [Frank goes in the stand and takes two Krabby Patties]

Nat and Nazz:
[their heads turn into arms and give a high-five] Now that's what I'm talking about! [their heads turn back to normal, they get a briefcase from their pockets]

Nat:
Here's our life savings! Just give us more Krabby Patties! [Nat and Nazz dump the money on SpongeBob]

[cut to Plankton talking on a cellphone]

Plankton:
Don't worry, Karen, I'll be home before lunch time. My mission here is accomplished. [laughs, and then a dollar bill lands on Plankton] Ooh. What the... huh?! [gasps]

SpongeBob:
It's working!

Plankton:
[to the customers] No, wait! What's going on? You hate Krabby Patties, remember?

Dump truck driver:
Wowee, this thing is right tasty.

Plankton:
[a dump truck prepares to dump money] Uh-oh. [the money lands on Plankton]

[a helicopter dumps a bag full of money on SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs is just walking and then a dollar lands on his nose. His eyes pop out and he screams so loudly, Plankton comes out of the money]

Mr. Krabs:
[while running towards the mountain of money] Money, money, money, money, money, money! [Mr. Krabs jumps on the money and laughs]

SpongeBob:
We did it, Mr. Krabs! We saved the Krusty Krab! All I did was sell the same old Krabby Patties, and call them new!

Mr. Krabs:
Do you mind? I'm trying to make a money angel here.

SpongeBob:
Ooh, money angels! Can I make one?

Mr. Krabs:
Sure thing, SpongeBob. Hop in!

[Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob laugh as they make money angels; they hear a high-pitched shrill coming from Plankton screaming because Mr. Krabs is sitting on him, and stop]

Mr. Krabs:
Did you hear that?

SpongeBob:
Hear what?

Mr. Krabs:
Hm. Good point. [Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob continue laughing as the episode ends]

[Patrick is dreaming he is in a large office room, silently fidgeting with objects on his desk. The phone beeps.]

Telephone Girl:
Mr. Star, I have a SpongeBob SquarePants on line 3!

Patrick:
Put him through. [answers the phone]

SpongeBob:
[through phone] Patrick! [cut back to reality. Patrick wakes up] Patrick! Patrick Star!

Patrick:
Oh, hey, buddy! You really need to clean up around here.

Mr. Krabs:
[Mr. Krabs approaches SpongeBob from behind] SpongeBob, what are you doing here? You were supposed to be at work two hours ago! [cut to a massive line of customers at the Krusty Krab]

Frank:
Hello? Anybody here? Hello?! [turns around to face the other customers] Do you guys know how to make a Krabby Patty?

Dave:
No, but I do know how to open a cash register!

[Mr. Krabs turns on Karen's monitor. Then Karen's screen shows Loading]

Mr. Krabs:
She's loading up. Now let's see how this dial up thingy works. [places the telephone receiver on top of Karen and her screen shows an hourglass turning.] This thing does text mails right?

SpongeBob:
Yeah, I think so.

[Karen's screen shows the words Karen Classic with her picture on it]

Mr. Krabs:
Oh, that sounds promising.

[Karen starts crying on her screen and scaring Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob]

Mr. Krabs:
Are computers supposed to emote!? No need to cry, little lady.

Karen:
Don't tell me not to cry! [continues crying and scaring Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob again.]

Mr. Krabs:
She's malfunctioning!

SpongeBob:
Must be the dial-up thingy!

Mr. Krabs:
You're right, must be interfering with her circuitry! [grabs the telephone and throws it against the wall destroying it in the process]

Karen:
Oh, it's not the dial-up thingy. It's Plankton, he dumped me for a newer piece of hardware. [continues crying]

Mr. Krabs:
Help me out here, buddy. [pushes SpongeBob next to Karen]

SpongeBob:
Hey, there. Dry those computer tears. I'm sure you two will get back together. Plankton just need some time to realize how much he needs you. I mean, you guys were made for each other. Well, you were made more for him and more specifically by him, and now, he's built someone with more modern features who's better in every way. There's no- what was my point again?

Karen:
[sobs] You men are all alike! [hops off Mr. Krabs' desk and onto her mobile body. She hops out of the box and then rolls out of the office.]

Mr. Krabs:
Wait! Where ya goin’? Smooth, SpongeBob, real smooth.

[The scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick are walking in somewhere of Bikini Bottom. Patrick smiles]

SpongeBob:
Patrick! Don't even smile. That's considered making a face.

Patrick:
Right, gotcha. [Patrick stop smiling] No problem. Not gonna make faces. No faces... at all.

SpongeBob:
Yeah. This is... [gulps] easy. How you holding up?

Patrick:
Huh, fine. You? [SpongeBob grunts, but makes an T-shaped face and laughs, Patrick fails to keep a straight face and makes an ugly face] Dun ah eeh. [both SpongeBob and him are laughing, SpongeBob suddenly stops and looks at his himself]

SpongeBob:
Hey! [Patrick is still ignoring him while laughing] Patrick. [Patrick is still laughing. SpongeBob pulls out a megaphone and yells at him] Patrick!

Patrick:
What?

SpongeBob:
Look at us. We're okay. Our faces didn't freeze.

Patrick:
[stretching through his eyes for a few times] Gosh, you're right.

SpongeBob:
Guess, Mr. Krabs made a mistake. Well, now that we know his tall tale isn't true, let's make lots of faces.

Patrick:
You mean like this? [stretching] Ree eeh eeh!

[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing both, SpongeBob growls]

Patrick:
[laughs] Aye yi yi yi!

SpongeBob:
[laughs] Aw!

[montage of SpongeBob and Patrick making grotesque faces]

Patrick:
Phee!

SpongeBob:
Ay yi yi yi yi yi!

Patrick:
Dun ree ah yee!

SpongeBob:
Doy doy doy doy!

Patrick:
Ah ah ooh!

SpongeBob:
Duh!

Patrick:
Aydh!

SpongeBob:
Awoot duh doo!

Patrick:
Looo ooo ooo!

SpongeBob:
Dah yah dah da dah! [he and Patrick both laugh]

SpongeBob:
[wakes up and surprised] Wow, Patrick, you did hold that face all night!

Patrick:
Actually, I can't move my face at all.

SpongeBob:
[feels on his face] I can't move my face either!

Patrick:
[oblivious and excited] Alright! We did it!

SpongeBob:
No, Patrick! It's not alright, this means Mr. Krabs was right! [Patrick then realizes the situation and gets scared] Patrick, we have the "face freeze"! [both scream] Patrick, Sandy was right, we need help!

SpongeBob:
[bursts into Mr. Krabs’ office] MR. KRABS!

Mr. Krabs:
Neptune's Knee-highs, lad! How many times do I have to remind you to knock?!

SpongeBob:
[knocking, emphasizing each syllable] MIS...TER...KRABS.

Captain Lutefisk:
Welcome to the Bikini Bottom Demolition Derby! Allow me to introduce our contestants! [Camera switches to a giant, muscular purple in a shark-like boat] First off, bane to crossing guards everywhere: The Kruncher! [Crowd cheers for The Kruncher] And from the darkest depths of the briney blue: Diving Bell Dan! [Diving Bell Dan pounds his chest] And of course, you know and admire: Blow Torch! [Blow Torch breathes out fire] And the funniest driver of all: The Cackling Cruiser! [The Cackling Crusier laughs] Now with introductions out of the way...[Notices SpongeBob drive up between the Kruncher and Blow Torch]...Oh! I almost forgot! [Laughs] The Squish!

Captain Lutefisk:
Oh! Ooh! Le Squish turns it around with a rare face-tread maneuver!

Mrs. Puff:
Why... are you still... ALIVE?!

SpongeBob:
"Put it in drive"? Thanks Mrs. Puff, You're the best!

Factory Worker:
We're closed! Do I have to spell it out for you? C-S-L-O-S-Z-E-D. Cuh-losed! Not only that, but the very last box of Snail Bites shipped out days ago! They were such a hit they flew out of the stores and now, we've run out of ingredients! From what I hear, the owner even dropped out of the snail food business entirely! Yeah and why wouldn't he, huh? He's made his money!

SpongeBob:
You see, Gary? There are no more-

Factory Worker:
I mean, it's not like I would do the same thing if I were in his shoes!

SpongeBob:
So, you see, Gary, there...

Factory Worker:
Why would anybody go out punishing themselves, just for the sake of the happiness of a few pets or...

SpongeBob:
Would you mind being quiet for one second, please!

Factory Worker:
Sorry.

Patrick:
Hey, SpongeBob. Your snail's still meowing? I have experience with these situations. You're the sponge. He is the snail. You just have to say, "No," in a very firm voice!

SpongeBob:
But... I don't want to say no to my wittle Gare-Bear! I want him to be happy.

Patrick:
Well, you gotta be firm, SpongeBob! Sometimes, you have to no when to say "know." Oh, wait... wait, wait, wait, it's the other way around. You've got to know when to say "no." Yeah, that's it!

SpongeBob:
But I don't know how to say no, Patrick!

Patrick:
No problem, SpongeBob. You can practice on me! Pretend I'm Gary and tell me no. [pretends to be a dog]

SpongeBob:
[Tries to say no but stops] I can't! You're so cute!

Patrick:
Do it, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob struggles again] Do it! [between struggles] DO IT! DO IT!! DO IT!!! DO IT!!!! DO IT!!!! DO IT!!!! DO IT!!!!!!

SpongeBob:
[finally says it] No.

Patrick:
STOP IT!!!!! [runs back to his rock crying]

SpongeBob:
Oh, Gary, It's a photo! It's a framed photo of the moment I picked you up at the pound! I remember that day like it was yesterday. Oh, and a photo of the time you built me a castle made of glitter and lollipops! [sniffles] Gary, this is the most special -- [snaps out of it] OH...! Nice try, Gary!

Gary:
Meow!

SpongeBob:
Gare-Bear, we looked everywhere! There are no more Snail Bites! I'm sorry, Gary, but the answer is....... No.

Gary:
Meow.

[Gary goes to bed and stops meowing all together, to SpongeBob's surprise]

[A mail truck drives through the mountain range. Patchy is driving the truck. He appears to be parodying S.D. Kluger from the song "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town."]

Patchy the Pirate:
Merry Christmas, kids! I bet you're wondering why ol' Patchy has this mail truck. Well, this year, I wanted to be absolutely sure Santa got me letter, so I gave Mr. Mailman the day off.

[He puts his pirate hat on the mailman tied up and gagged in the back of the truck, puts on his mailman hat and closes the door]

Potty the Parrot:
Do you even know how to get to the North Pole?

Patchy:
Oh, Potty, you silly parrot. Everyone knows that the directions to the North Pole are in the lyrics of the song "Jingle Bells." ♪Dashing through the snow, in a... [Mumbles] Through the fields we go. Fa la la la la.♪ Okay. So we're looking for some fields here.

Potty:
No, Patchy, the directions to the North Pole are in the song, "There Goes Santa Claus." ♪There goes Santa Claus. There goes Santa Claus. Left on Santa Claus Drive.♪ Scurvy brain.

Patchy:
Yeah, well, we ain't turnin' till we see some fields.

Potty:
Look out! There's a fork in the road!

Patchy:
I don't see no fork.

[The truck spins after the fork gets caught in the tire and they both scream.]

Patchy:
While we wait for the truck to stop spinning, let's see what SpongeBob is up to this Christmas.

Captain:
Ready for Christmas, kids? [Christmas bells can be heard in the background]

Kids:
Aye-aye, Captain.

Captain:
I can't hear you!

Kids:
[louder] Aye-aye, Captain!

Captain:
Ohhhhhhhh......!

Kids:
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

[The camera zooms in on Bikini Bottom and into a pineapple house. A stop-motion SpongeBob and a stop-motion Gary are sleeping. An alarm clock goes off and sleigh bells are heard instead of the foghorn noise. He wakes up.]

SpongeBob SquarePants:
♪Oh, it's drawing very near. My favorite time of the year. [He jumps out of bed and up the ladder] The snow is falling and the cold wind blows. [He gets up on the diving board, and jumps on it] Christmas is almost here. [He jumps up, automatically removing his pajamas and changing into his square pants] And I know that Santa, Santa. Santa has his jolly little eyes on me! [He spins Christmas lights around his pineapple] It keeps me warm and filled with glee to know Santa has his eyes on me. I light my house like a Christmas tree. Fa la la la la la la la lee. 'cause Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly little... [A Santa hat pops out of SpongeBob's head] Eyes on me.♪

[He walks over to a house where a stop-motion Squidward is putting up lights]

SpongeBob:
Hi, Squidward. What are you doing today?

Squidward J. Q. Tentacles:
Stringing lights so Santa knows, in no uncertain terms... [turns on lights reading "GO AWAY"] ...To "GO AWAY"!

SpongeBob:
Okayy...[Skips up to a stop-motion Patrick next to a box on a stick tied with string to a cookie] ♪Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly little eyes on me. He sees everything I do, with his left eye on me and his right eye on you!♪ [sees the box] Ooh, what's that?

SpongeBob:
Ooh, what's that?

Patrick Star:
It's a trap! A trap for Santa!

SpongeBob:
Ooh, baited with Christmas treats?

Patrick:
[singing, to the "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" tune] I will trap Santa in my box, locked up like Fort Knox and make him stop the clocks, and then we'll have Christmas all... year... looo-ooo-ong! [sees the cookie meant as bait] Hey, a cookie! [gets trapped by himself, anyway, as a result]

SpongeBob:
♪Ohh... Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly little eyes on me! Fa la la la la la la la la lee! [sees a squirrel's treedome] And who is that I see? Underneath her Christmas tree?♪

Sandy Cheeks:
♪Oh, Christmas, oh, Christmas its sweet mystery. I'll mix a dash of Christmas cheer with a candy cane and deconstructed alchemy.♪

SpongeBob:
Merry Christmas, Sandy!

Sandy:
Merry Christmas, SpongeBob!

[SpongeBob skips to the Krusty Krab]

SpongeBob:
♪Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly little eyes on me.♪ Hi, Mr. Krabs! Are you ready for Christmas?

Mr. Krabs:
Why, Christmas is me favorite time of the year! After all, 'tis the season of gettin'!

SpongeBob:
Don't you mean the season of giving?

Mr. Krabs:
Exactly! The more you give, the more I get. [Laughs]

Sheldon J. Plankton:
♪Oh, Santa, Santa, Santa has his eye on me. He's seen everything I've done. Every plot, plan, and scheme. It's just a bit of fun. Santa has his eye on me. Every naughty deed is written in his scroll. So every Christmas morning, I get a stocking full of coal!♪ [Dumps out coal from his stocking]

Karen Plankton:
Maybe you'd get a real present from Santa if you weren't the biggest jerk in Bikini Bottom.

Plankton:
I'm way ahead of you, Karen! [Periodic Table lowers from ceiling. Plankton walks over to it and sticks a piece of notepad paper on it. The paper says Jt for Jerktonium] There is one element in the known universe that can turn even the nicest sap into the biggest jerk they can be! And I, Plankton have discovered it. Behold! [Plankton pulls a lever] Jerktonium! [A piece of Jerktonium contained in a glass capsule lowers from the ceiling] I'll give everyone in Bikini Bottom a present of the most innocent of all holiday goodies. The fruitcake! [picture of a fruitcake appears on screen while he says the fruitcake] And each and every slice will be laced with Jerktonium! Once ingested, no one can help becoming the biggest, creepiest, meanest jerk ever! Then Santa will realize that Sheldon J. Plankton isn't so bad after all! And then I'll finally get what I really want for Christmas, the Krabby Patty secret formula! [Plankton jumps on an oven and holds the fruitcake] And now for the main ingredient, Jerktonium! Okay, Jerktonium, do your stuff! It's complete! [Laughs] Ha ha! The Jerkmaker 9000 will make doling out tainted fruitcake a breeze! Now, who's gonna be my first victim?

SpongeBob:
Hey, Plankton! What've you got there? [Gasps] Hey! Is that a fruitcake dispenser? You don't suppose I could have a piece, do ya?

SpongeBob: Ahoy, everybody! [clicks his fingers and mistletoe appears over the heads of the two fish he fed Plankton's fruitcake to, curing them of jerktonium poisoning. He clicks again and a pile of presents appears, curing two other fish. A little boy begins to play Christmas baubles like bells] [singing] Bring joy to the world, it's the thing to do, but the world does not revolve around you. Don't be a jerk. It's Christmas! [Throws a snowball at Mr Krabs and cures him] Be nice to babies and animals. Old folks, too. 'Cause that's how you'd like them to treat you! Use turn signals. Don't screen my calls. Don't you wreck the house when you deck the halls. Spit your gum where it won't wind up on my shoe. Squeeze toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. Don't be a jerk. It's Christmas! It's Christmas! [hands a gift to Pearl, who continues to pass it down a line, curing people as they receive it, except for Squidward, who is unaffected] When others are talking, never interrupt. Don't put people down or leave the toilet seat up. 'Tis the season to be jolly, not jerky!

SpongeBob's Friends and Co.:
[in background chorus' voices] Jolly, not jerky!

SpongeBob: Santa brought nearly every gift on your list. Why whine about the 1 that he missed? Don't be a jerk!

SpongeBob's Friends and Co.:
[in background chorus' voices] Don't be a jerk.

SpongeBob: It's Christmas! It's Christmas! Don't be a jerk.

SpongeBob's Friends and Co.:
[in background chorus' voices] Don't be a jerk.

SpongeBob:
It's Christmas! It's Christmas!

Plankton:
Can we please steal the secret formula now? Pretty please, Man Ray?

Man Ray:
I MUST HAVE MORE! [starts to pound on the table] Bring me more Krabby Patties! Bring more Krabby Patties! [shoots roof with laser gun]

SpongeBob:
[he and Squidward are scared by his acts before SpongeBob stands in front] Stand aside, Squidward. I'm gonna be my own hero. [slides into the kitchen, and runs out to Man Ray with hundreds of Krabby Patties] Thank you, sir! Enjoy your meal.

Man Ray:
At last! [starts to eat the Krabby Patties]

Plankton:
Alright, fine! I'll just steal the secret formula myself! [grabs Man Ray's laser gun] Oh, and Man Ray, this friendship is OVER! [Man Ray burps, which causes Plankton to drop the gun]

Man Ray:
[is now obese after eating too much Krabby Patties. He holds one last uneaten Krabby Patty] No... no... no more... can't... eat... [drops the last Patty] another... [chair breaks, and Man Ray falls on the floor]

Mermaid Man:
[he and Barnacle Boy walk through the burnt-down door] There he is! [they cuff Man Ray] Alright, Man Ray, lunch time's over!

Man Ray:
[surprised] WHAT?! How did you two know I was here?

Barnacle Boy:
A little sponge told us. [they pull Man Ray away]

Man Ray:
This wasn't supposed to happen...

Mr. Krabs:
[rolls out a very long bill] Here you go, Plankton.

Plankton:
What's this?

Mr. Krabs:
It's the bill. For your partner. [he, SpongeBob, and Squidward laugh as the episode ends]

[It was night time at Le Chm Bucket with a huge line. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob enters the restaurant disguised as rich noblemen in tuxedos]

Mr. Krabs:
Oohh! Just act like another fancy customer.

SpongeBob:
Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs covers SpongeBob mouth]

Mr. Krabs:
Shh! [stammering] What's gotten into you? Highfalutin customers don't bark at the top of their lungs like a seadog.

SpongeBob:
Oops, uh... I mean, I fancy a bit of the old chum. Indeed I do, Squire.

Mr. Krabs:
Good evening, Madam. Table for two, please?

Karen:
Your name?

Mr. Krabs:
I be Eugene....er.... I mean, uh, [looks at the used ketchup wrapper on the floor] Sir Krumple O'Wrapper. Uh, that's me name. Don't wear it out.

Karen:
Alright, let's pull up your reservation. [looks through the reservation sheet] Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. I'm not showing any "O'Wrapper."

Mr. Krabs:
Reservation? In this sinkhole?!

Karen:
There's a two-year wait for a table.

Squidward:
[walks over to Karen; annoyed] What's seems to be the problem? [much to his surprise, he notices Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob on their mustache disguises and doesn't buy it] Well, well, well, [blows Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob's disguises off their faces with a fan] if it isn't Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob. Now just follow me. I believe I have a table reserved just for you. [the 'table' that Squidward 'reserved' for Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob turns out to be a toilet. It turns out that Squidward just wanted to get his revenge on Mr. Krabs for not valuing him and SpongeBob for all those times he annoyed him. Squidward puts a tablecloth on the toilet] Bon Appetit, Suckers! [laughs at them as he walks away. Soon, everyone joins in the humiliation by laughing at Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob as they leave the restaurant in sadness and humiliation] See you in two years! [laughs and scoffs at them]

Plankton:
Yeah, see how you like it, Krabs! [laughs along with Squidward as Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob leave]

[Meanwhile, the line keeps getting longer and longer and Squidward continues to serve his Chum Fricassee to his customers and fans]

Squidward:
Here you go, folks. Enjoy my world famous Fricassee. [All of a sudden, someone bursts through the front door which turns out to be Squidward's grandmother and she's not very happy] Grandma!?

Grandma Tentacles:
[enters the restaurant and corners her grandson by the kitchen doors] Someone's been cooking my recipe, [sniffs] and they're doing it wrong!

Squidward:
What are you doing here?

Grandma Tentacles:
Saving my recipe from my bumbling grandson. [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker]

Squidward:
Ow! I didn't do it! Uh, uh, it was him! [points to Plankton]

[Plankton is seen exiting the kitchen with the plate of chum and hears what Squidward said about him, becomes furious. He throws the plate of chums in rage and pins the blame back on Squidward.]

Plankton:
What?! Oh, you're not pinning this on me! You said you didn't care if it was ready or not!

Squidward:
[fearfully] Ok, I admit it! I admit it! But—but—but what's the big deal? [Grandma Tentacles crushes his foot with her walker for second time] Ow!

Grandma Tentacles:
The big deal is when the chum is not cooked for exactly 24 hours, it causes severe tummy trouble.

[Listening to Grandma Tentacles, customers form a mob. The customers are enraged by what they're hearing to Grandma Tentacles.]

Male Fish:
You fed us undercooked chum?!

Grandma Tentacles:
Tear him apart, people! [The fancy customers form a mob and start to attack Squidward and Plankton. They do an uproar, following what his grandmother says.]

Fred:
I've had it, and I'm not gonna take it anymore! [Fred picks up a trash can, then throws it on a table. Other customers throw their chum meals on the ground and on the wall of the Chum Bucket. Another customer rips apart of an awning. Frank grabs a napkin holder, throwing napkins on the floor. Plankton pops up near the napkins.]

Plankton:
Not the napkins! [Frank doesn't listen to Plankton.]

Angry Mob:
[An axe chops Squidward's picture in half.] He got what he deserves, that's what I say! [Else where in the exterior of Le Chum Bucket, it bursts into flames caused by the mob. As the restaurant is on fire, the customers run out of the bucket building.] It's on fire! It's all burning! Run! [the fire incinerates the restaurant, leaving only Plankton and Squidward standing with charred faces]

Plankton:
My restaurant! [begins crying]

Squidward:
My fan base! [Squidward also starts sobbing]

Grandma Tentacles:
I hope you learned your lesson, genius. [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker for third time as a punishment for his selfishness and wrongful acts]

Squidward:
Ow! [cries along with Plankton in despair]

SpongeBob:
[cuts to the Krusty Krab] Gee, Mr. Krabs. It sure was nice of you to hire Squidward back. Especially since he tried to destroy your business and all.

Mr. Krabs:
I figure it's the least I can do for him. After causing all that mayhem over at the Chum Bucket, in fact, I promoted him. He's our new doormat!

Squidward:
No! [laying on the floor like a doormat as punishment for their humiliation] Living the dream! [Moaning and groaning, some customers who destroyed the Chum Bucket wipe their feet on Squidward and the episode ends.]

[Meanwhile, cut to SpongeBob putting mayonnaise in a box, then taping it up, then cut to Mr. Krabs putting down a clock as a bulldozer arrives.]

Mr. Krabs:
[sad] It's time. [goes outside on the street and waits for the truck to stop in front of him]

State officer:
[puts one of the bulldozer's windows down] So, who's getting bulldozed today?

Plankton:
[with the clipboard] Oh, not me, your bureaucraticness. I completed my petition. [Mr. Krabs is worried]

State officer:
The people have spoken. Step aside, Mr. Krabs. [Part of the bulldozer smokes fire out.]

Mr. Krabs:
But... but... [as he backs up, the bulldozer follows him, towards the Krusty Krab.; angry] No! I'm not going anywhere!

State officer:
Please comply, Mr. Krabs. It'll be quick and painless.

Mr. Krabs:
If you wanna bulldoze me restaurant, [locks himself up] it's gonna be long and painful!

SpongeBob:
[is seen at the top of the restaurant, also locked up; angry] Stand your ground, Mr. Krabs! We are right behind you, right, Squidward? [the lock is empty] Squidward?

[Squidward is outside his home, with an umbrella on top of him, sitting on a chair, and drinking a cup of tea, happily.]

State officer:
[moves his bulldozer closer to the restaurant] Okay, now this is really your last chance.

Mr. Krabs:
[still angry] I'm never leaving the Krusty Krab!

State officer:
Fine. Have it your way. [pushes a lever]

Plankton:
[chuckles evilly, while setting up himself a movie theater seat, then sits on it] Bring it on! Bring the destruction! [munches on popcorn]

Mr. Krabs:
[part of the bulldozer smokes more fire out, and the bulldozer starts to move even closer to the restaurant.; sad] Goodbye, Krusty Krab! [As he closes his eyes, the bulldozer begins to move the restaurant, but only moves 1 foot.; confused] Eh?

State officer:
Thank you for your cooperation.

Plankton:
[spits the popcorn out, angry] What?! Excuse me, sir, but, uh... [stands on the seat] you forgot to level the place!

Mr. Krabs:
[confused] Uhh... yeah.

State officer:
Demolition is outside of my purview. I simply ensure that restaurants comply with the 100 foot ordinance. [measures the distance with a tape measure and says the 1 foot on it] That's 1 more foot. Perfect! [walks away from the restaurant]

Plankton:
[jumping on the seat, still angry] But that's not fair! [slips inside and the seat closes on him]

SpongeBob:
So you're not gonna destroy the Krusty Krab?

State officer:
No, I--

SpongeBob:
[jumps inside the bulldozer, hugging the state officer] Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! [as the state officer accidentally pulls the lever, the truck goes backwards. He and SpongeBob look out the window and are in shock as they are heading towards the Chum Bucket] Oh, dear. [the bulldozer crashes through the Chum Bucket, destroying it]

Plankton:
[Meanwhile, he's free from the seat after struggling to.; still angry] Come on! Let's do this! I wanna see some destruction! [as he gasps, he finally sees the destroyed Chum Bucket] I think I've seen enough. [goes back inside the seat as the episode ends]

Squidward:
[to SpongeBob] The day I willingly practice my musical art with you is the day I grow hair on my...

Squidward:
This is our worst gig yet! Children's parties! Well, if this is the way this tour is being organized, then I would like to– OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW! [turns around and finds that a child has pinned a tail onto his behind] I am not a donkey fish!

Squidward:
Patrick, you dimwitted moron! Get out of my kitchen!

Patrick:
Good idea. I think I'll head over to the spa. I could use a massage.

Squidward:
[annoyed] Get this into your tiny, tiny, little, tiny brain: this is not a resort. It's my house. There is no spa. And you can't get... A MASSAGE!