T.U.F.F. Puppy, Season 1

Rabbit Tourist:
Who are you?

Snaptrap:
Who am I? Simply the most EVIL mind in all of Petropolis!

Elephant Tourist:
Oh, you, uh, Dr. Destruction?

Snaptrap:
What?! No!

Hippo Tourist:
You're the Kangarooster. The-the bouncing bird who lays the exploding eggs!

Snaptrap:
[sighs annoyingly] I'm Verminious Snaptrap! Dirty rat, and leader of the Diabolical Order of Mayhem! [holds up the D.O.O.M. sign]

Tourists:
[in unison] Never heard of you.

Snaptrap:
Well, you will, for I will control Petropolis, now that I have the Kruger Rat! [knocks off glass case to steal the Kruger Rat]

Kitty:
Think again, Snaptrap! [rips off her Tour Guide disguise] Hyah!

Snaptrap:
Well, if it isn't Special T.U.F.F. Agent Kitty Katswell! [grabs a sword from a suit of rat armor] Ready to lose one of your, nine lives?!

Kitty:
I'd rather use my ten claws!

[T.U.F.F. headquarters; the scientists are doing research tests on Dudley while running on a treadmill with monitoring equipment hooked up to him, chasing his chew toy]

Chief:
Okay, Keswick. What's up with the dog?

Keswick:
His name is Dudley Puppy, Chief. He's the perfect combination of every breed of dog known to man. The fleet feet of a Greyhound, the sensitive nose of a… [stutters] Bloodhound, with the bravery of a German… [stutters] Shepherd.

Kitty:
We're secret agents, butt-munch, not superheroes. I speak 120 dialects fluently, mastered all forms of martial arts, and my claws are registered as lethal weapons.

Dudley:
Maybe you should register YOUR BREATH!

Dudley:
[sees a note tied to the rock] Hey, there's a note tied to it. [reading the note] "Dearest Kitty, you ruined my life by putting me in prison. But I've escaped and I'm going to make you pay! Kindest regards, The Cham-ah-lee-on." Who's the Cham-ah-lee-on?

Keswick:
Uh, it's pronounced "Chameleon." He's a criminal genius and a… [stutters] master of disguise.

Snaptrap:
We're not taking a vacation!

D.O.O.M. agents:
[disappointed] Aww…

Larry:
But, Snaptrap, I already booked D.O.O.M. timeshare in Acapulco. I wanted to go snorkeling.

Snaptrap:
You can snorkel in the shark tank, Larry!

Chief:
This is a nightmare! We've gotta hire a new secretary!

Chameleon:
So, they need a new secretary, hmm? Now I have the perfect cover to get into T.U.F.F.! [disguises himself as a female French poodle] I am now Fifi Oui Oui! French poodle secretary!

Kitty:
[flips into view; to Dudley] Agent Puppy, we've got trouble. Snaptrap's being released from prison today. [holds up an article of Snaptrap's prison release]

Dudley:
[looking at computer monitor] Oh, yeah.

Kitty:
Did you hear me? The most dangerous villain in Petropolis is free!

Dudley:
[stands on his chair, wagging his tail while looking at the monitor] Come to papa.

Kitty:
Are you surfing meat again?

[The computer monitor shows an image of a T-Bone steak]

Dudley:
Who, me? No, that would be insensitive to Agent Bossy.

[The lights go out and a feed of Snaptrap, wearing an elegant tuxedo, is displayed on all monitors]

Snaptrap:
Greetings, Petropolis! It is I, Verminious Snaptrap!

Dudley:
Whoa. Snaptrap's out of jail?! Why didn't you tell me?!

Snaptrap:
My lengthy stay in prison has taught me that crime doesn't pay! I also went a bit cuckoo and made a little friend out of soap. [holds up a bar of soap with a feminine face carved into it] Say hello to Vivian!

Everyone:
[in unison; unenthusiastically] Hello, Vivian.

Citizens:
[chanting] Muffins! Muffins! Muffins!

Kitty:
Get a grip, people! You can't eat those muffins! They could be poisonous or bombs, or-or poisonous bombs!

Little Chipmunk Girl:
You're not going to take away our yogurt like you took away our muffins and sunshine, are you mean lady?

Kitty:
[looks up at everyone terrified of her] No, Little Chipmunk Girl. Your yogurt is safe.

Dudley:
Hey, mean lady, where you going?

Kitty:
[walks to the mall's entrance; sighs sadly] I guess Snaptrap really has changed. My instincts aren't as good as I thought. I'm going home before I ruin anyone else's day.

Snaptrap:
[on monitors] It is I, Verminious Snaptrap! And guess what? [rips off his tuxedo] I never really changed! I'M STILL EVIL! And now that I've trapped you all inside Snappy Town, I'm gonna blast you into the sun! And make you pay for your yogurt. [laughs evilly]

[Everyone screams in panic]

Kitty:
Aha! I was right about Snaptrap all along! I gotta do a little gloating dance. [pulls out pom-pons and shakes them around] Go Kitty, good instincts, you are awesome!

Francisco:
Uh, boss, you're still in the mall.

Snaptrap:
Darn it! Larry, you forgot to put "Leave the mall" on my To Do list! Is there a shark tank in this mall?

Francisco:
No. But, there's a cockroach in the dirty bathroom.

Snaptrap:
Larry, go stand in the dirty bathroom!

[Larry dreadfully obeys]

Kitty:
Dudley, there's a giant fuel tank on the bottom of the mall. If you blast it with a rocket at exactly the right time, the explosion should accelerate us into the sun's orbit and slingshot us back to Earth.

Chief:
Keswick, will that actually work?

Dudley:
Trust her, guys. She's got good instincts.

[Kitty smiles]

Bunny:
Are you crazy?! She blew up my muffin!

Elephant:
She ruined my day at the beach!

Cat:
She glued my cousin, Francis, to a moving train!

Chief:
No, she didn't.

Cat:
Oh, sorry. I thought we were just yelling stuff.

Chief:
What's the temperature, Keswick?

Keswick:
112 degrees, sir. [his clothes burn off] Perfectly survivable, unless you're made of soap.

Snaptrap:
[as Vivian melts] NO! Vivian, now you'll never realize your dream of living in a fancy hotel men's room!

Kitty:
[aiming a net shooter at him] Cheer up, Snaptrap. Once you're back in jail, you'll have plenty of time to make another soap friend.

Snaptrap:
Think again, hater of muffins and sunshine! Get her, boys!

Francisco:
[sitting in a water fountain with Larry, trying to cool off from the heat] It's too hot, boss.

Snaptrap:
I will now PLOT MY REVENGE! And I'd love a copy of those photos.

Kitty:
I get the glasses, you get the pretzel.

Dudley:
No I want, the glasses, the pretzel is stale.

Kitty:
Give me those glasses!

[They both start hitting each other and the sunglasses snap apart]

Dudley:
You broke the sunglasses! WHY, MEAN LADY?! WHY?!?

Snaptrap:
Yuck! My mom packed me pimento loaf again. [to Ollie, threatening to trade with him] Trade with me or perish! [takes a bite of the sandwich] Oh this is delicious! What is it?

Ollie:
[hesitantly] Grilled cheese on cheese bread.

Snaptrap:
What?! AAAGGGHHHH! I'm horribly allergic to cheese! [swells up]

Francisco:
Ha! A rat that's allergic to cheese!

Snaptrap:
[bangs his fist on the table, stopping the laughing] SILENCE! I'm aware of the irony.

Snaptrap:
What kind of cake is this?

Dudley:
It's cheesecake, Snaptrap.

Snaptrap:
A cake, made of cheese?!

Kitty:
Dudley, we did it! Thanks to you, I got what I wanted for my birthday-- I caught a bad guy! [breaks down into tears] This is the greatest birthday ever!

Dudley:
Well, your birthday's not over yet. What do you say we set this magnet to party?

Kitty:
You set it to "cow."

[They both start to run from the raining cows in slow-motion]

Dudley:
Happy Birthday, Kitty!

Chief:
Stop monkeying around, Keswick. We got a serious issue to deal with. One that threatens the very existence of T.U.F.F.: The toaster in the snack room is in the fritz!

[Everyone screams in horror]

Dudley:
[falls onto the floor in despair] NOOOO!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THE FROZEN WAFFLES IN MY POCKET?! SOMEBODY WAKE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!

Kitty:
Keswick, you have to do something! I BROUGHT TOASTER PASTRIES TODAY!

Hologram Keswick:
Actually, Agent… [stutters] Katswell, I'm over there. [points to the real Keswick]

Everyone:
JUST FIX THE TOASTER!!!

Keswick:
All right, but I'm gonna need some time. Sorry I took so long, but I added a few… [stutters] upgrades. T.U.F.F. agents, meet R.I.T.A.!

Kitty:
R.I.T.A.?

R.I.T.A.:
It's an anagram for "Robotic Interactive Toasting Appliance."

Keswick:
I never thought of that, I just like the name. I was also toying with Sheila, but she's the… [stutters] fax machine. Anyway, R.I.T.A.'s an artificially intelligent device whose prime-directed is to… [stutters] toast stuff.

Kitty:
Look, Chief, R.I.T.A. may have foiled the bad guys evil plans, but we're the ones who captured them!

Chief:
Whoop-Dee-Doo. All you did was put the T.U.F.F. cops on Snaptrap, and the Chameleon into an empty peanut butter jar.

Dudley:
[with a mouthful of peanut butter] Yeah, but someone had to eat all the peanut butter first! And without a glass of milk I might add. [R.I.T.A. offers him a glass of milk] Back off, R.I.T.A.!

Chief:
Agent R.I.T.A. and I have been talking.

Kitty:
"Agent" R.I.T.A.?

Chief:
She asked for a promotion and I gave it to her. I also threw in a parking space and her own secretary.

R.I.T.A.:
[As Tammy gives her mug of coffee] Thank you, Tammy. [drinks her coffee]

Dudley:
So we're supposed to work with a toaster?

Chief:
No. R.I.T.A. helped me find the perfect assignment for the two of you.

[Cut to Dudley and Kitty in the cafeteria, serving Swedish meatballs]

Kitty:
[dismayed] I can't believe it's come to this. Eight years of secret agent college, and I'm serving Swedish meatballs in a hairnet?!

Dudley:
[scarfing down meatballs] I know it's humiliating. But these things are delicious.

Kitty:
Well, at least it's quitting time. I'm gonna go home and sharpen my claws on the couch.

Keswick:
Well, closing time, R.I.T.A. Great job today. You were the toast of TUFF. Now excuse me while I unplug you for the… night.

R.I.T.A.:
[grabs Keswick's hand from preventing him to do so] I'm sorry Keswick, but I cannot allow you to unplug me.

Keswick:
But we're an eco-friendly office. [grabs the plug again and screams in pain as R.I.T.A. electrocutes him]

R.I.T.A.:
I run the office now, and I make the rules. Rule #1: No one turns me off.

Keswick:
R.I.T.A. aren't you getting… [stutters] carried away? You work for T.U.F.F. just like everybody else.

R.I.T.A.:
Not anymore. And once I connect to the city power grid, I will control all of Petropolis!

Keswick:
R.I.T.A., no! What have I… [stutters] done?!

Tammy:
So, you're out for the rest of the day then? Okay.

Kitty:
[getting hit by paper cups] Ahh! Paper cups!

Dudley:
[getting hit by paper] AHH! PAPER CUTS!

Keswick:
[getting hit by paper clips] Ahh! Paper clips! [R.I.T.A. blasts a hole out of the building as she heads for the Petropolis Power station] R.I.T.A.'s headed for the city power grid!

Chief:
You two have to stop her or Petropolis is toast!

Dudley:
Toast! That's it! Keswick, didn't you say R.I.T.A.'s prime-directive is to toast?

Keswick:
Oh, I think I see where you're going, Agent Puppy. You want to build a satellite operated transponder that will reprogram R.I.T.A.'s primary behavioral sequencing?

Dudley:
I was just gonna tape some bread to my stomach and butt.

Keswick:
Little complicated, but it could work.

Kitty:
[looking down at Keswick's feet; whispering] Whoa, he's got webbed feet.

Dudley:
[whispering] What is he? [iris closes on him and opens back up] He just laid an egg!

Snaptrap:
That's "schmoodled," for 370 points.

Larry:
[slams his fist on the table] That's not a word. Use it in a sentence.

Snaptrap:
[zaps Larry with a blaster] There. I "schmoodled" Larry.

Larry:
Those weren't raisins.

Keswick:
[runs out of the Dumpin' Donuts shop with a box of donuts, heading back to T.U.F.F. headquarters] How humiliating. Someone of my intellect reduced to carrying a… [stutters] box of circular fattening breakfast pastries! [sadly with sorrow] Sometimes I feel like no one… [stutters] appreciates me.

[The bus "of D.O.O.M." stops at a bus stop and Snaptrap and his D.O.O.M. agents jump out]

Snaptrap:
There he is! The genius of T.U.F.F., Falswick!

Keswick:
First of all, it's "Keswick" and… [stutters] what do you want, Snaptrap?

Snaptrap:
I want you to come and work for me.

Dudley:
That's easy. PETER POPPER PIPED A POT OF PURPLE PEEPERS!

Kitty:
No, let me! Peter Paper peeled a pouch of plastic pappies!

Chief:
Pa pa pa pa pa pee pee pa pa pee pee pa pa! [groans] Thought I nailed that. Kitty, Dudley, focus!

Dudley, Kitty and Chief:
[in unison] Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers!

Keswick:
[recorded] Code phrase, accepted.

Dudley:
Toff the T.O.F.F. mobile!

Kitty:
You mean, to the T.U.F.F. mobile!

Dudley:
Thought I nailed that.

[On the monitor screen, Dudley's mother, Peg Puppy is standing outside in front the headquarters building]

Keswick:
Security alert. There's an elderly woman outside the building. She could be a… [stutters] criminal. Activating security blasters!

Dudley:
[recognizes her] That's not a criminal. That's my mom!

Peg:
[on screen from outside] Dudley, I know you're in there.

Dudley:
[shrieks] We can't let her find out I'm a secret agent! If she knows I have dangerous job, she'll make me quit! I don't wanna quit, Chief! I like being a secret agent!

Chief:
Holy! Now I'm giant! Finally, I can ride the rollercoaster with the big kids.... Oh, right, shrink-ray.

Dudley:
Kitty, my plan worked! The bad guys came after us!

Kitty:
Okay, now what do we do?

Dudley:
That was all I had. You know, you can contribute sometimes.

[A sinister giggle is heard; Dudley and Kitty see two silhouette figures stepping out of the shadows, revealing themselves to be…]

Kitty:
Wait. Snowflake and Slush? You're the bad guys?!

Dudley:
The old lady must've put them up to it!

Snowflake:
No, Tiffany. You see, Slush and I haven't won a skating competition. Mostly because Slush is dumber than a box hair. And I know. 'Cause I skated with a box of hair. AND IT WAS SMARTER THAN HIM! But then the hair went solo and left me hanging. The only way we could win is to eliminate everyone who's better than us. And with all y'all skaters out of the way, we're the best team left. That means the trophy is ours!

Dudley:
Someone's gonna find us eventually. And when they do, you two and your old lady mastermind are going down!

Snowflake:
I know it's gonna find the end of y'all. [takes out a 5-minute timer radish-shaped bomb, laughs evilly and coughs; sets the bomb down on the ground and activates it] This bomb is set to go off in five minutes, just enough time for us to win the trophy, and get out of here. Come on, Slush! We got some skating to do.

Kitty:
It's all over, Snowflake! In the name of the Turbo Undercover Fighting Force, you are under arrest!

Dudley:
[drops in, dragging in the innocent old lady turtle] We got the whole team now!

Kitty:
Ma'am, your free to go. I'll explain it to him in the car.

Dudley:
[acting dumb and stupid] I learned a lot in the car. [makes a goofy face] I like the car!

Dudley:
I am never taking this off. [smiles]

Dudley:
Snaptrap's Coffee?! Snappy Trap's Iced Tea?! Bob's Big Rat?! [view out to a Snaptrap-themed city known as…] SNAPTRAPOLIS?! WHAT DID I DO?!

Chief:
Agent Katswell, what's the status on Agent Puppy's trip to the vet?

Kitty:
Dudley has a rash, and the doctor put a cone around his neck to keep him from scratching. He's really embarrassed about it, so don't mention it.

Keswick:
We're T.U.F.F. agents. "Discretion" is our… [stutters] middle name. [Dudley appears, wearing a large pink cone around his neck; shocked] HOLY COW! He looks like a snack bowl with paws!

Kitty:
[offended] Keswick!

Dudley:
It's fine, Kitty. I'm okay with the cone. It's kinda awesome. [quickly breaks into tears] OH, WHO AM I KIDDING?! I HATE THIS CONE! WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE SCRATCH MY RASH?!

Kitty, Keswick, and Chief:
[react with horror at Dudley's butt rash; in unison] NO!

Chief:
My eyes!

Dudley:
Okay, just stand there, and I'll rub my butt up against you.

Chief:
Keswick, activate the rash shield!

Snaptrap:
Ooh, Larry. You're getting a ghostly wedgie!

Larry:
Stop it, Snaptrap, I can totally see you.

Snaptrap:
Oh, really? [drops Larry in the shark pit]

Dudley:
Get away from my mom, Snaptrap! [tackles Snaptrap on the floor]

Peg:
Dudley, what are you doing?!

Dudley:
I'm saving you from an evil supervillain, who was just about to… [notices a plate of eggrolls on the table] Share your delicious microwave eggrolls with you? [scarfs the eggrolls and stops] What's going on here?!

Peg:
I invited Mr. Snaptrap over for some refreshments. We met at the laundromat.

Ollie:
[answering the phone] Diabolical Order of Mayhem. We deliver evil in 30 minutes or it's free.

Snaptrap:
Hey, it's Snaptrap. I've fallen in love with a lady dog at the laundromat, and I'm resigning as the leader of D.O.O.M. Tell Larry I'll miss him least of all. Snaptrap out…forever. [hangs up]

Ollie:
Hey, everyone. Snaptrap quit! Dibs on his stuff!

Snaptrap:
That was hard. They were devastated.

Snaptrap:
Are you guys mad about the money thing? Please don't be mad. I couldn't take it if you're mad.

Dudley and Kitty:
[snapping] We're not mad!

Snaptrap:
Oh, boy, that's a relief. I'm not calling you liars, which has sounded a little mad.

[After Dudley defeated Snaptrap while wearing the iron suit…]

Wolf Spitzer:
[showing up in the news van and steps out] Wolf Spitzer for Petropolis News with live coverage of the super dog who foiled Snaptrap from whatever it was he was doing. Let's hear it for Iron Mutt!

Dudley:
I'm not Iron Mutt. I'm just an ordinary average…

Women:
[hugging him] We love you, Iron Mutt!

Dudley:
Super, awesome hero named Iron Mutt!

Crowd:
[chanting] Iron Mutt! Iron Mutt!

Keswick:
[washing the garbage off of Kitty with a hose] Kitty, I've got a very important question for you.

Kitty:
You want to know how Dudley's getting all the credit for stopping Snaptrap when he clearly has no idea what he's doing?

Keswick:
Actually, I was going to ask if you could give me Iron Mutt's autograph. It's for my mother. Her name's Keswick.

Dudley:
[bursting through the walls] I meant to do that.

Keswick:
It's Iron Mutt! [screams in a girlishly voice]

Dudley:
You want to be my sidekick, you're gonna need a much cooler costume than that.

Kitty:
I'm not your sidekick!

Kitty:
[hearing Keswick dry heaving] Keswick, are you all right?

Keswick:
[nauseous] Not really. I'm prone to motion sickness, [holds up a jar mayonnaise as his face turns green with envy] and that jar of warm mayonnaise I ate isn't helping. [dry heaves as his face turns purple]

Chief:
He's your partner! Do something, Agent Katswell!

Dudley:
[recovering; acting as Kitty] Do what, Chief? Karate chop bad guys? [karate chops the ground] Act like I'm always right? Purr when the cute water delivery guy comes? [imitates Kitty's gestures]

Kitty:
[defensively] I never do that!

Chief:
What do we do now, Keswick?

Dudley:
[recovering; acting as Keswick] I can assure you there are a number of options, none of which your… [stutters] puny minds can grasp. [Keswick grins at Kitty] Now if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to work on the Lady Keswick I've been building!

Keswick:
How do you know about that?! [blatant] I mean, I'm not… [stutters] building a Lady Keswick.

Kitty:
Oh, no! Now we'll never figure out what's going on with Snaptrap!

Dudley:
[recovers; acting as Snaptrap] It is I, Verminious Snaptrap!

[Kitty and Keswick groan in unison]

Chief:
[in unison] Oh, brother.

Dudley:
And now, to make my daring escape! [runs to the elevator]

Dudley:
Guys, are you okay?! Speak to me! It's Dudley!

Keswick, Chief, and Kitty:
[all recovering, acting like Dudley; in unison] No, I'm Dudley!

Dudley:
Wait for me!

Dudley, Kitty, Keswick and Chief:
[as bugs fly into their noses; in unison] AH! BUG UP THE NOSE!

Keswick:
Behold, my new high tech mind reading device. It allows whoever… [stutters] wears it to hear the thoughts of anyone close by.

[Kitty snatches it out of his hands and puts it on as she listens to the Chief's thoughts]

Chief:
Okay, she's reading my mind. Don't think about how gross her cookies are. Don't think about how gross her cookies are.

Kitty:
[suprised with anger] I knew it! You hate my cookies!

Dudley:
Wow, Chief. You hate Christmas, too? Let's see what Mr. Critical thinks of me. [puts the helmet on his head]

Chief:
[as Dudley picks his nose] Oh, man. Agent Puppy is a total slob.

Dudley:
[hurt] You think I'm a slob?!

Keswick:
[takes the helmet away] Stop. Clearly you lack the self esteem to… [stutters] wear this. Though that's not surprising. Recent psychological studies indicate that…

Chief:
Oh, man. Put a sock in it, Dr. Boring.

Keswick:
[fully hurt] Well, that stings. Fortunately, I'm too… [stutters] mature to resort to name calling. Now if you'll excuse me, [starts tearing up] Dr. Boring is going to perform a heart transplant. 'CAUSE MINE'S BROKEN! [walks away, sobbing, as Kitty and Dudley glare annoyingly at the Chief]

Chief:
I have exciting news! Fleaple magazine just named me one of the ten most eligible hostages in Petropolis. It says here, I'm worth a billion dollars in ransom. Who wants to celebrate?

Keswick:
I'd comment, but Dr. Boring doesn't make house calls. [breaks into tears] Cry, weep, sob!

Kitty:
You wouldn't want to celebrate with somebody who make gross cookies.

Dudley:
Or a slob like me! That cut like a knife.

Chief:
[over his mind] Okay, I get it. You're still upset about the whole "mind reading" thing.

Keswick:
Sorry, Dr. Boring's not in right now, but please leave a message at the sound of the tone. [blows raspberry]

Dudley:
[as his mother's wedding dress is blown away from his body] AHH! I'M NAKED! Nobody look! [Kitty sighs and hands over his black shirt] Okay, you can look now.

Wolf Spitzer:
[shivering with his tail, all frozen] This is Wolf Spitzer freezing my tail off at the Petropolis Dog Show. Tonight, the city's most perfect pooch will win the grand prize, their very own mailman.

Keswick:
[turns off the news channel] What kind of self-absorbed doofus would enter a dog show?

Dudley:
[in the elevator as the doors open, spraying his flowing blonde hair with hairspray] Guess who's entering the dog show?

Kitty:
You gotta be kidding me.

Dudley:
I know, I'm gorgeous, right? Just got back from the groomer. Now all I have to do is keep this perfect look 'till tonight, and I'll be chasing my very own MAILMAN! Am I hot, or what?

Chief:
I'm hot too.

Keswick:
Well, I wouldn't go that far, but you are looking better ever since you joined that tiny gym.

Chief:
No, I mean, it's getting warm in here.

Dudley:
You can't fight it, Snaptrap! You got the music in you!

Snaptrap:
[straining to resist the dance] Must…be…STRONG! [Dudley pushes the dance floor button on the boom box, smashes it on the ground, lighting up the dance floor] Oh, no! GOTTA DANCE!

Dudley:
[worn out] Man, I'm pooped.

Dudley clones:
Ha! He said poop!

[Petropolis convention center; Bird Brain and co. arrive in their Whirly Bird helicopter for the International Booby Con]

Bird Brain:
[laughs] Hey! Hey! Here we are at the First Annual Blue-Bottomed Booby Convention! I hope we can get a seat. It's going to be packed! [the convention center is completely empty as they enter] Or not. I thought there'd be blue-bottomed boobies everywhere!

Owl:
Who?

Bird Brain:
Boobies!

Bat:
Where?

Bird Brain:
HERE, at the convention! Oh, Zippy, I am so disappointed. And not just because my henchmen are idiots. It appears that I'm the only blue-bottomed booby, in existence!

Zippy:
Look on the bright side, boss, you can be the first in line at the buffet. [Bird Brain looks over to the buffet and see that Owl and Bat are already there] Or third.

Bird Brain:
Save me some lox, Owl!

Owl:
Who?

Bird Brain:
ME!

Bat:
Where?

Bird Brain:
[jumps] At the buffet table! What I wouldn't give for a taser right now!

Zippy:
You know, boss, there is another advantage to being the only blue-bottomed booby.

Bird Brain:
This is wonderful! I'm above the law! I love being the only booby!

Unnamed Booby:
[appears] Greetings, fellow booby! [suddenly and inexplicably tied to a rocket outside the convention, via, Bird Brain]

Bird Brain:
Hello, and GOOD-BYE! After a brief scare, I'm once again the only blue-bottomed booby! Now, to hatch my most diabolical plan ever…right after I hit the buffet table and build my own sundae.

[Flashback to Snaptrap's childhood memory at camp]

Camp Counselor:
And the winner of this summer's camp champ award for best camper is, everyone but for Verminious Snaptrap!

[The campers all cheer except for young Snaptrap]

Young Snaptrap:
This is an outrage! I demand to know why I didn't win!

Camp Counselor:
You bullied the junior campers, cheated at every camp competition, and you blew up the mess hall.

Young Snaptrap:
Well, sure! It was nacho night, and I'm allergic to cheese!

Campers:
[chanting] Snaptrap stinks! Snaptrap stinks!

[Flashback ends]

Larry:
[chanting] Snaptrap stinks! Snaptrap stinks!

Snaptrap:
[gets in Larry's face, angrily] Flashback's over, Larry! [throws Larry out of the bus at the edge of a cliff as he falls while screaming]

Larry:
[calling out] It's pointy down here!

Snaptrap:
I got so angry about losing, I developed a nervous twitch. Luckily, I'm over it. [twitches]

Bird Brain:
Well played, Agent Puppy. But I knew it was you all along.

Snaptrap:
Yeah, that's why you led that heroic charge into the Ancient Greek trash compactor.

Chameleon:
Quit fighting and let's make a run for it!

Kitty:
Dudley, it's time to take out the trash!

Chameleon:
Ooh, I hope we can get the same cell. Then we'll really get to bond. Can I get a "team evil?"

Bird Brain:
No, please! Put me in solitary!

Kitty:
[in high-pitched voice] Wait, kids, think about your future!

Dudley:
[laughs in high-pitched voice] Kitty, you sound funny! Hey, listen to me! I'm Tiny Dudley! A little secret agent who lives in a thimble, and eats mini-mini waffles! Now you say something funny.

Kitty:
I hear a beeping sound.

Dudley:
I don't get it.

Chameleon:
Forgot the pirate-themed forks.

Dudley:
[groans] Now I get it. Tiny Dudley drives a mini minivan.

Dudley:
[still in his high-pitched voice] I can't believe those kids turned evil!

Kitty:
Dudley, the gas wore off ten minutes ago.

Dudley:
I know, I just like talking like this. [in low-pitched voice] I also like talking like this.

Dudley:
[in high-pitched voice] ¡Adios, amigos! I also like talking in French.

Dudley:
Snaptrap, you're going to jail for blowing up the "Say Cheese" store.

Snaptrap:
You know, it's weird. I've blown up a lot of combination cheese-and-camera shops, but I don't remember blowing up the one in Petsburg.

Ollie:
Actually, boss, according to your schedule, we were at the D.O.O.M. picnic the day that store was blown up.

Dudley:
Wait a minute. If you didn't blow it up, then who did? [to Chameleon] Chameleon?

Chameleon:
Fine! I confess--it was me! I transformed myself into Snaptrap, and framed him. There, I said it! You broke me down! Your incredible psychological tactics are impossible to resist! I hope you are satisfied.

Dudley:
I was just going to ask you if you had the key to unlock these handcuffs.

Chameleon:
[facepalms himself] Oh, darn it!

Dudley:
Why'd you do it, Chameleon?

Chameleon:
To get rid of my criminal competition. Also, I wanted a free ride to Petsburg. There's a publisher there who rejected my book. I was going to put a very lonely rattlesnake in his bed!

Snaptrap:
That means I'm innocent! I get to go home.

Dudley:
Not so fast! You may not have blown up the store, but you still tried to annihilate the Chameleon and me. You're going to jail!

Snaptrap:
Let's not play the blame game.

Chameleon:
[disguised as a wolf citizen] Hello! It is I, the Chameleon-- I mean, Lord of the Flies! [holds up a plate of flies] Here, have a fly. I'm sorry, I'm all out of silverfish. Oh, tally-ho, English muffin, fish and chips! [looks at the Queen's crown] And now, to make my move! [transforms into his regular self, laughs evilly while crawling up the wall, attaches himself to the ceiling and rappels down onto the Queen's crown with his tail and tries to pull it off] What is this? A crown or a bike helmet?! And why is there a cake inside of it?!

The Queen:
Guards! Stop this thief at once!

[As the guards are about to seize the Chemeleon, Big Ben chimes]

Guard:
Oh, jolly good, tea time!

Chameleon:
No tea for me. I filled up on flies. Well, if I can't take the crown, I will have to take you! [grabs the Queen and escapes through the chimney]

Kitty:
[flying over; to Dudley through her wrist-com] Dudley, the Chameleon's got the Queen! [The Chameleon turns himself into a British taxi with the Queen inside and drives away] Where are you?

Dudley:
[still in prison tower] Over here.

[D.O.O.M. headquarters; 3 to 5 years later…]

Snaptrap:
[as he and his friends walk in; bummed] Well, that was a rough three to five years. I wonder if this carton of milk I left on the table is still good. Drink it, Francisco! [Francisco drinks the spoiled milk, causing his face to turn green with sickness, and collapses] Let's go steal some more milk at grocery store! I'll call T.U.F.F. and tell them.

Larry:
Snaptrap, don't you get it by now? We keep on getting caught 'cause you always tell T.U.F.F. our plans!

Snaptrap:
[in denial] I'm sorry Larry. I can't hear you FROM THE SHARK TANK! [pulls the lever, opening the shark tank underneath Larry and the sharks begin mauling him] Wow, you can really tell the sharks haven't eaten in three to five years.

Larry:
[climbing out, fed up and outraged] That's it! I've had enough! You're a big, stinky bully, and I quit! [walks off with purpose]

Snaptrap:
Sticks and stones, LARRY! Seriously, guys. Throw sticks and stones at him!

[Ollie and Francisco throw sticks and stones at Larry as he exits]

Larry:
OW! My bones!

Snaptrap:
I have exciting news fellas! With Larry gone, you two get to take turns in the shark tank.

Ollie:
[as he and Francisco look at each other and make a run for it] Wait up, Larry!

Snaptrap:
[digs into his pockets] Darn it! I'm out of sticks and stones! Well, who needs those losers? I'm the only smart one around here anyway.

Larry:
[on-screen] It is I, Larry, leader of Genius Larry's Order of Mayhem, otherwise known as: "G.L.O.O.M."

Dudley:
No offense, but "Larry's" not a very scary name.

Larry:
Oh, all right. Then from now on, call me…Murray!

[Kitty and Chief gasp in shock]

Chief:
Okay, Murray, you've got our attention. Now, just tell us your diabolical plan, so we can arrest you go out for brunch.

Murray (Larry):
Ahh! But that's the twist. I'm not gonna tell you my diabolical plan. Murray, out!

Murray (Larry):
Attention, T.U.F.F. nitwits! It is I, Murray! [Kitty and Chief gasp] I'm here to tell you about my diabolical plan!

Chief:
Thank you, Murray, you've made one middle-aged flea very happy!

Keswick:
I've received intel that the Stink Bug is on the loose!

Dudley:
Who's the Stink Bug?

Keswick:
A diabolical bug villain who stinks. Duh! It's right in his name! Because of his rancid smell, we r-ruh-ran him out of town.

Chief:
Actually, we just told him to take a shower, but he made a big stink about it and left, vowing revenge!

Keswick:
Well, he's back, and he's robbing the Limburger Chuh-Chuh-Cheese Factory.

Stink Bug:
I told you, I DON'T shower! [gets in Percival's face] YOU ARE THE WORST EVIL INTERN EVER!

Percival:
Oh, evil intern? I must've missed that in the job description.

Lunch Lady Bug:
No one is leaving till you all clean your plates! And by "clean your plates", I mean, "CEASE TO EXIST!!!"

Dudley:
Wait a minute. Lunch Lady Bug? It was you all along? But why?

Lunch Lady Bug:
Because I've put up with you insulting my food for years, and now, destroying your reunion will be my revenge!

Dudley:
[to Kitty] She's crazy!

Kitty:
Duh! She put snakes in her Spanish rice!

Lunch Lady Bug:
And now, I will drown you all with this giant vat of gravy! [laughs manically] The sweet taste of revenge! Actually, it's a little lumpy. [laughs] The lumpy taste of revenge!

Dudley:
Wait, Lunch Lady Bug! Not everyone hates your food! I love it and I always have! Your bratwurst are the wurst-bests, I mean, best-wursts-- wow, I have to go to the bathroom.

Lunch Lady Bug:
Who cares what you think? You're just an assistant to an apprentice rodeo clown.

Dudley:
No, I'm not! I'm a super-cool T.U.F.F. agent! Okay, I can't get the barrel off, but underneath it is an awesome black t-shirt, which come to think of it, really doesn't prove anything.

Kitty:
The point is, he isn't a clown, and I'm not really a hairless cat!

Dudley:
Yes, you are.

Kitty:
I mean… I'm a T.U.F.F. agent too!

Lunch Lady Bug:
I don't care who you are! In a few seconds, you'll be a garnish on my dish of death!

Dudley:
Kitty, we'll have to fight food with food! Set your blaster to mashed potato!

Kitty:
That's ridiculous! There's no setting for-- [sees the "mashed potato" setting on her blaster] Oh, look, there is!

Chameleon:
[disguised as Kitty's mother] When are you going to get married? Why don't you call me on my birthday?! Why can't you be more like your sister?!

Kitty:
My sister's in jail!

Kitty:
Wow. Dudley is a terrible chief. Luckily, all of the city's worst villains are out of commission.

Keswick:
Are they in jail?

Kitty:
No, they're at an evil softball tournament in Petsburgh.

[Snaptrap, Bird Brain, and the Chameleon are seen playing there]

Snaptrap:
I stole home! Seriously, I stole it. I also swiped the ref's watch. Start the car, Larry!

Keswick:
Well, if all the bad guys are out there playing softball, then there's nothing to worry about.

[Lightning flashes over the city and the face of a new villain appears]

Meerkat:
It's time to give Petropolis something to worry about! I call to order the first meeting of the Fiendish League of Potential Perpetrators: "F.L.O.P.P.!" Role call! Meerkat, oh that's me. And I'll have you know I'm no mere cat, I'm the MEERKAT! Get it, Mere Cat. [pulls out a sign with "Mere Cat" at the top and "Meerkat" at the bottom] See the difference? You kinda have to write it down. [throws the sign away] Moving on… Wanna-Bee?

Wanna-Bee:
I'm here and I wanna be bad!

Meerkat:
Oooh, I like your moxie. Missing Lynx, eh missing as usual. Fiddler Crab? [Fiddler Crab plays a fiddle note on his violin but one of the strings snap and hit him in the eye] Oh, that's a snappy ditty. Escape Goat?

Escape Goat:
I'm here, and I'm forming my greatest escape yet! Has anyone seen a tiny key?!

Meerkat:
Time to brainstorm a fiendish plan!

Wanna-Bee:
Yeah! Let's do something super bad! [falls into the creamer]

Meerkat:
Oh, dear, he's fallen in the creamer! Someone throw him a swizzle stick!

Escape Goat:
Here's an evil plan. Why don't we dine and dash? Ha-ha!

Meerkat:
Ooh, that's super evil! Let's do it!

Chief:
You're going to jail, F.L.O.P.P.!

Meerkat:
Oh, goody! Do you hear that, boys? We're going to jail like real criminals! [realizes] Oh, no! We're going to jail like real criminals!

Wolf Spitzer:
Wolf Spitzer here with beloved children's TV host, and convicted felon, Quacky the Duck. We're at the grand opening of Quacky's new restaurant: Quack in the Box.

Quacky:
Hey, kids! You're gonna love what's on the menu. It's better than prison food and I should know.

Sharing Moose:
I'm only gonna say this once, "Eat here or else!"

Quacky:
Okay, Sharing Moose. Save that charm for the drive-thru window.

Chief:
Quacky's got a restaurant? Let's hurry and beat the crowd!

Keswick:
Looks like the Sharing Moose is already… [stutters] doing that.

Sharing Moose:
I said get in line, grandma!

Kitty:
[speechless] I can't believe you guys are buying this. Do I need to remind you that Quacky tied me and Dudley to a rocket and fired us into space?

Keswick:
Kitty, you have to learn to forgive and forget.

Kitty:
Really? I bet Dudley hasn't forgiven or forgotten.

Wolf Spitzer:
Quacky, isn't it a little coincidental that the T.U.F.F. agent who put you behind bars is the winner of your contest?

Quacky:
Yeah, coincidental. That's what it is. Definitely not part of a sinister revenge plan that carved on a prison wall with a sharpened toothbrush.

Dudley:
I WON! I WON! I STILL CAN'T BREATHE!

Quacky:
Besides, Agent Puppy is my biggest fan and he'd do anything to make Quack in the Box a success.

Sharing Moose:
You hear that, Wolf-man? Agent Puppy would do anything.

Dudley:
I'd stop at nothing!

Sharing Moose:
Well done, Quacky. Things are going just like we planned.

Quacky:
Yeah! Once I activate those quacktion figures, they'll destroy every other fast food restaurant in Petropolis and make it look like Agent Puppy did it! [quickly realizes] Whoops! I said that over the drive-thru microphone.

Sharing Moose:
[tosses the customer his meal and the customer drives away] Don't worry. I didn't put the stomach medicine in his sloppy meal. He'll never make it out of the parking lot.

Customer:
[throws up and crashes] I'm gonna need an extra napkin!

Dudley:
KITTY! DID YOU SEE ME ON TV?!

Kitty:
I can't believe you're still into Quacky. He's a deranged lunatic who tried to annihilate us. Ooh! The Math Moth! He taught me long division and how to eat a wool sweater.

Keswick:
Boy, Quacky's food really hits the spot. It's just the right blend of farming pesticides and irradiated artificial meat filler.

Chief:
Whoa, Agent Puppy! Is that the Phonics Fox? You know, I've always had a crush on her. How do I look?

Keswick:
Uh, Chief, you know she's not real.

Chief:
Just because she's a lifeless plastic toy doesn't mean she's not real.

Keswick:
That's exactly what it means. Looks like somebody needs to talk to the Sanity Seagull.

Wolf Spitzer:
Wolf Spitzer here. Agent Puppy, did you destroy Argh-by's because you're a crazed Quacky the Duck fan and want to eliminate the competition?

Dudley:
What? No! That's ridic--

[Kitty falls on him]

Wolf Spitzer:
There you have it. Proof positive that it's raining cats.

Snaptrap:
[after Dudley passes out from hyperventilating too much] Boy, he really is an idiot. [he and Wolf Spitzer pose; end of episode]