Despicable Me 2

Gru:
[on the phone] No, no, no! What do you mean, she’s not coming?! I have a backyard full of these little girls who are counting on a visit from a fairy princess! [a Minion accidentally hits his shin with a mace] Ah! Hurts! Ah! Stop it! [chases him off with his spatula; sighs before getting back on the phone] Listen! I don’t want a refund! I want a fairy princess... please! Please, I am begging you. [pauses] You know what? I hope that you can sleep at night, you crusher of little girls’ dreams! [hits the phone with his spatula and hangs up]

Agnes:
[approaches him] Ooh, ooh, when is the fairy princess coming?

[Silence]

Gru:
[in a happy singsong voice] Any minute now.

[pause]

Agnes:
Yay! [runs off]

Gru:
[to the Minions; quietly] Stall them!

Margo:
Whoa! Whoa! Okay, okay, alright. That’s enough of the magic show!

Minions:
Awwww.

[Margo suddenly looks around as if she just heard something.]

Margo:
Wait, did you hear that? It sounded like the twinkling sounds of magical fairy dust.

Agnes:
[gasps] It’s the fairy princess! She’s coming!

[Margo points up to the sky.]

Margo:
[gasps] Look!

Gru:
[falsetto] It is I, Gru... Zinkerbell, the most magical fairy princess of all! And I am here to wish Princess Agnes a very happy birthday! [throws a handful of fairy dust]

Little Girl:
[raises her hand] Why are you so fat?

Gru:
Because… my house is made of candy, and sometimes, I eat instead of facing my problems!

Little Girl:
How come you have... [Gru blows some fairy dust in her face; coughs]

Gru:
[normally] Okay, time for cake!

[All children, except Agnes, run to the table]

Agnes:
Thank you, Gruzinkerbell. You’re the best fairy princess ever.

Gru:
[falsetto] You are welcome, little girl.

Agnes:
[runs off, but quickly returns; whispering] I know it’s really you, Gru. I’m just pretending for the other kids.

[Gru happily sees her running off, until he is approached by Jillian]

Jillian:
Hey there, Gru, Mr. Life of the Party!

Gru:
[attempts a smile; normally] Hello, Jillian.

Jillian:
So, I’m gonna go out on a limb here, but my friend Natalie is recently single, and... [Natalie falls down]

Gru:
No, no, no. Get off the limb right now. No limb.

Jillian:
Oh, come... she’s a riot. She sings karaoke, she has a lot of free time, looks aren’t that important to her...

Gru:
No, Jill’s, that is not happening. Seriously, I’m fine.

Jillian:
[calling after him] Okay, fine. Forget Natalie. How about my cousin Linda?

Gru:
[passes by Margo and Edith] No.

Jillian:
Oh, oh! I know someone whose husband just died... [gets sprayed by Gru's garden hose]

Gru:
[dryly] I'm sorry. I did not see you there. [sprays her again] Or there. [drops the hose and walks away holding the palette, chuckling softly]

[After the party, Gru takes Kyle outside. Unbeknownst to both of them, they are being watched]

Gru:
Kyle? Kyle? Kyle, no! Do not do your business on the petunias! [picks Kyle and drops him in the yard next door] There you go, those are Fred's. Go crazy. [Kyle does his business, killing the plant; chuckles sinisterly] Good boy.

Lucy:
[off-screen] Mr. Gru?

Gru:
[stuttering] Wha, I didn't, wha... Yes?

Lucy:
[appears on-screen] Hi. Agent Lucy Wilde of the AVL. [shows her AVL ID-card, but notices she shows it upside-down] Oops. [giggles nervously, then becomes serious] Sorry. You're gonna have to come with me.

Gru:
Oh, sorry. I- [suddenly takes his freeze out of his polo, then aims and fires at Lucy] Freeze ray!

[However, Lucy silently counters the beam of Gru's freeze ray with the flames of her hair dryer-shaped flamethrower, canceling eachother out]

Lucy:
You know, you really should announce your weapons [takes a tube of lipstick out of her purse] after you fire them, Mr. Gru. For example, [presses a button on the tube, two barbs shoot into Gru, who drops his freeze ray when he is filled with electricity; in a happy singsong voice] Lipstick tazer! [Gru convulses, dances disco, and finally passes out due to the shock] Oh, it works so good.

Silas:
Good afternoon, Mr. Gru.

Gru:
[weakly] Yeah...

Silas:
I apologize for our methods of getting you there.

Lucy:
I don't! I'd do it again in a heartbeat! And I am not gonna lie, I enjoyed that. Every second of it. Gave me a bit of a buzz, actually...

Silas:
[interrupts Lucy] That's enough, Agent Wilde.

Lucy:
Sorry, sir.

Gru:
Okay, this is bogus! I don't know who you people think you are, but...

Silas:
We are the Anti-Villain League. An ultra-secret organization dedicated to fighting crime on a global scale. Rob a bank? We're not interested. Kill someone? Not our deal. But if you want to melt the polar ice caps? Or Vaporize Mount Fuji? Or even steal the moon? Then we notice.

Gru:
First of all, you got no proof that I did that. Second, after I did do that, I put it back!

Silas:
We're well aware of that, Mr. Gru. That's why we brought you here. I am the league's director, Silas Ramsbottom.

Stuart:
[smirks] Bottom. [starts laughing along with Phil]

Silas:
[unamused] Hilarious. Agent Wilde...

Lucy:
Oh, me now? Um, recently an entire top secret lab disappeared from the Artic Circle. Yeah, the entire lab. Just whoosh. Voom. Gone. Where did it go?

Gru:
I don't care.

Lucy:
Hmm, the lab was devoted to experiments involving PX-41. A transmutation serum. What is PX-41, you ask? Mmm, It's pretty bad... Look.

[One of the scientists on the monitor injects a bunny with PX-41 serum. The mutated bunny then attacks the scientist, threatening to kill him]

Gru:
Huh, you usually don't see that in bunnies.

Silas:
As you can see, in the wrong hands, the PX-41 serum, could be the most devastating weapon on Earth. Fortunately, it has a very distinct chemical footprint. And, using our latest chem tracking technology, we have found traces of it in Paradise Mall.

Gru:
[scoffs] A mall?

Silas:
Precisely. And we believe one of these shop owners is a master criminal. And that's where you come in. As an ex-villain, you know how a villain thinks, how a villain acts.

Lucy:
The plan is to set you up undercover at a shop in the mall where hopefully...

Gru:
Okay! I see where this is going, with all the Mission Impossible stuff, but no. No! I'm a father now. And a legitimate business man. I am developing a line of delicious jams and jellies.

Silas:
[laughs mockingly] "Jams and jellies"?

Gru:
Oh, attitude! That's right! So thanks, but no thanks. [pauses] And here's a tip: Instead of tazing people and kidnapping them, maybe you should just give them a call! Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt!

Silas:
[calmly] Ramsbottom.

Gru:
[chuckles; sarcastically] Yeah, like that's any better.

[At night, Gru just came home from the AVL, carrying the sleeping Agnes on his shoulders, and enters the girls' bedroom]

Gru:
[whispers] Hey, I told you guys to get to bed.

Margo:
Oh, sorry.

Edith:
[making a drawing] So when ya goin' on your date?

Gru:
What?

Edith:
Remember? Miss Jillian said she was arranging a date for you.

Gru:
Yeah, well, she is a nut job and I'm not going on any date.

Edith:
Why not? [hangs from her bed ladder] Are you scared?

[a flashback reveals an eight-year old Gru on a playground when in elementary school, holding a flower behind his back]

Lisa:
[to her friends] Hey, did you guys see the moon landing on TV?

Girls:
Yeah, I can’t believe it. It’s so cool...

Lisa:
Yeah, and you know what...

Young Gru:
[approaches them] Excuse me, Lisa?

Lisa:
[not paying attention] I was talking to Billy the other day.

Girls:
No way.

Lisa:
And I think he likes me.

Young Gru:
[clears his throat; nervous] Hey Lisa, I was wondering if you... [taps his finger on her shoulder]

Little Girl:
[points at Gru’s finger on Lisa’s shoulder] Ewww! Gru touched Lisa! Gru touched Lisa!

Little Kids:
[horrified] Eeeewww!

Little Girl:
[to the whole playground] Lisa’s got Gruties!

[Everyone runs back inside in response, screaming; the young Gru remains on the playground, disappointed]

Gru:
[comes out of his flashback] Scared? Of what? Women?! [chuckles] No! That's bonkers! I just... I've no interest in going on a date! That's all! Case closed! I am not scared of women... or dates... Let's go to bed. Good night, Edith. [gives a goodnight kiss to Edith] Good night, Margo. [gives a goodnight kiss to Margo, but returns] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold the horses. Who are you texting?

Margo:
No one. Just my friend Avery.

Gru:
Avery. [confused] Eh? Avery? Is that a girl’s name or a boy’s name?

Margo:
[confused] Does it matter?

Gru:
No. No, it doesn’t matter unless it’s a boy!

Agnes:
I know what makes you a boy.

Gru:
[concerned] Uh...oooh...you...do?

Agnes:
Your bald head.

Gru:
[relieved] Oh, yes...

Agnes:
[creates an imaginary line with her hands around the head of a temporarily confused Gru] It’s really smooth. Sometimes I stare at it, and imagine a little chick popping out. [imitates a little chick] Peep-peep-peep.

Gru:
Good night, Agnes. [gives her a kiss on the forehead] Never get older. [leaves the girls' bedroom and turns off the lights]

Gru:
Hey, Tim! Nice haircut! Donny, hang in there, baby! It’s almost Friday. [high-fives Donny before as he approaches Dr. Nefario] So, how’s today batch, Doctor Nefario?

Dr. Nefario:
I’ve developed a new formula which allowed me to get every known kind of berry into one flavor of jelly.

Gru':
[sticks his finger in and tastes the goo; disgusted] That tastes good... [gags] Love the flavor of that...

Dr. Nefario:
It’s horrible, isn’t it?

Gru:
No! No! Oh, we're making great progress! [to the Minions] Here, try some of this. [hands the jar to a Minion, who tastes it but gags, handing it over to another, who tastes it and scrapes the jelly off his tongue before smashing the jar and all Minions run away] Whoa... okay, just because everybody hates it doesn’t mean it’s not good.

Dr. Nefario:
Listen, Gru. There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about for some time now.

Gru:
What? What’s wrong?

Dr. Nefario:
[clears his throat] I miss being evil. Sinister plots, large-scale crimes... It's what I live for! I mean, don’t you think, that there’s more to our future than jelly?

Gru:
Well... [delighted] I’m also considering a line of jams...

Dr. Nefario:
Um...the thing is, Gru... [takes a deep breath] I’ve had an offer of employment elsewhere.

Gru:
[pauses; smug] Dr. Nefario! Come on, you’re kidding, right?

Dr. Nefario:
[presses a button, folding his inventory into a suitcase] It’s a great opportunity for me, bigger lab, more evil, full dental...

Gru:
[stares back at his old friend and sighs; calmly] Very well. Let us give you the proper send-off. [calls his henchmen off-screen] Minions! [seven Minions walk in, each carrying a fart gun; solemnly] The highest honor awarded to Dr. Nefario for your years of service – the 21 Fart Gun salute!

Minion:
Buado! [seven fart guns are fired] Buado! [seven fart guns are fired] Buado! [seven fart guns are fired]

Dr. Nefario:
[coughs as the fart blows past him] Uh, I counted 22. [he and Gru look at Dave, who laughs embarrassedly]

[During the morning after o a ne of Gru’s minions were abducted]

Agnes:
Are you sure we should be doing this?

Margo:
Yes, it’s for his own good. [searching through Gru’s online pictures] Okay, we need to choose a picture. [clicks on one of Gru’s photos]

Agnes:
No. [Margo shows another picture] Scary.

Edith:
[as Margo shows another photo] Weird.

[The girls scream in horror when Margo shows a picture of Gru in his swimming trunks]

Agnes:
[with her eyes covered] What is that?!

Gru:
[enters the family room] Good morning, girls, I have an announcement to make!

Margo:
Hey, what celebrity do you look like?

Gru:
Uhhh... Bruce Willis?

[The girls stare at Gru blankly]

Margo:
Mmm... No.

Agnes:
Humpty Dumpty!

Edith:
Ohhh... Gollum!

[The girls start laughing while Gru gives a "I don't get it" expression]

Gru:
Okay, what are you doing?

Agnes:
We're signing you up for online dating!

Gru:
Oh, okay... WHAT?! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [grabs the laptop from Margo]

Edith:
Aw come on, it's fun.

Margo:
And it's time for you to get out there.

Gru:
No! Stop! no one is ever getting out there! Ever! [quickly passes the laptop to a Minion next to him, accidentally hitting him in the face; solemnly] Okay, now for the announcement: I have accepted a new job!

Margo:
Whoa! Really?

Gru:
Yes, I have been recruited by a top secret agency to go undercover and save the world!

Edith:
You're gonna be a spy?!

Gru:
That's right, baby! Gru's back in the game with gadgets and weapons and cool cars! The whole deal!

Edith:
[amazed] Awesome!

Agnes:
Are you really gonna save the world?

Gru:
[coolly] Yes, [puts on a pair of sunglasses] yes, I am.

Dave:
[copies him] Mocha!

Tim:
[with male pattern baldness and an old dutch beard, wearing a shirt and tie] Cacao!

Stuart:
[dressed as Pippi Longstocking] Papadum? Eh. [chuckles]

Lucy:
[to herself; out of breath] Oof, wasn’t expecting that. [strikes a martial arts pose] Or was I? [turns to Gru] Ooh, you got... you got a little of... [a purple frosting-covered Gru gives her a deadpan glare. A second later, a cupcake slowly falls off his head, leaving a long smear on it] Here, I’ll... I’ll get it... [tries to remove the icing off a dumbstruck Gru’s face] Oh, that’s just spreading... um...

Gru:
All right, all right. I got it, I got it! [irritated] Stop it!

Lucy:
[backs off] Oh. [takes a deep breath] I'll let you get it. [Gru sighs and rubs the icing off his face, then uses his scarf like a towel to clean it] Yeah, what you just saw there was a little something new I have been working on. It’s a combination of Jujitsu, Krav Maga, Aztec warfare and [singing] krumpin'!

Gru:
[annoyed] Okay, that’s weird. Why are you here?

Lucy:
[suddenly appears in front of Gru] On assignment from Silas. [grabs Gru by his jacket's lapels; excited] I’m your new partner! Yay! [starts dancing]

Gru:
What?! No, no [mocking] yay! [normal voice] Ramsbottom didn’t say anything about a partner.

Lucy:
Well, it seems that because of your checkered past, everyone else refused to work with you. But not me! I stepped up. And I’m new, so I kind of have to do what they tell me anyway.

Dave:
[comes out of the kitchen, then shows them a Minion-shaped cupcake] Voila!

[However, Lucy, thinking Dave is an enemy, sweeps the cupcake from his hands, smashing it into pieces. She then grabs Dave, puts and pins him on the counter; Dave starts screaming, feared of getting attacked]

Lucy:
[referring to Dave; to Gru] You know this guy?

Gru:
[calmly] Yes, he's one of my Minions.

Lucy:
[groans in disappointment and smiles embarrassingly] Oh, I’m sorry. I should have known. [to Dave, releasing him] You’re free to go.

[Dave jumps off the counter, but as he leaves for the kitchen, Lucy smiles at him. This causes Dave to daydream about her, from walking with Lucy, following both having a toast to finally attempting to kiss each other until...]

Gru:
[v.o.] Dave... [cut on a love struck Dave air kissing; whistles] Earth to Dave!

Dave:
[snaps out and sees Gru and Lucy looking at him] Huh?

Gru:
You can leave now.

Dave:
Oh, uh... [gibberish, then enters the kitchen]

[Gru and Lucy go on undercover, locating the crime suspects]

Gru:
[looking around the mall with a periscope along with Lucy] So, what do we got? Who’s on the list? Fire 'em at me.

Lucy:
First suspect, Hedda Blumentoft, owner of the Mum’s the Word Floral Shop.

Gru:
No, not her.

Lucy:
Okay, moving on... Chuck Kinney, "owner of Stuff-a-Bear". [a boy receives a balloon from Chuck, but pops, making the boy wail] Ooh.

Gru:
I don’t think so.

Eduardo:
[suddenly comes inside the shop] Hello? [Gru and Lucy force themselves to act natural] Buenos dias, my friends! I am Eduardo Perez, owner of Salsa y Salsa restaurant, across the mall. Now open for breakfast. And you are...?

Gru:
[introducing] Gru. And this is Lucy. And we are closed.

Eduardo:
This is just gonna take un momento. I am throwing a big Cinco de Mayo party, and I am going to need two hundred of your best cupcakes decorated with the Mexican flag. It looks something like this. [rips his shirt open, revealing a giant tattoo of the Mexican flag on his chest] What do you think? [flexes and makes his chest wave]

Gru:
[hides his eyes in disgust] Look away!

Lucy:
[stares at Eduardo] You—Whoa... Hooo...

Eduardo:
Anyway, I have to go. It’s all settled! I pick ‘em up next week! Have a good day. Come by if you get a chance, okay? [leaves the store; Gru groans in relief; suddenly pops back in] And welcome to the mall family! [Gru studies his face and gasps, seeing Eduardo in a red luchador mask surrounded by flames as he leaves the mall]

Gru:
[whispering to himself] El Macho.

Lucy:
[confused] What?

Gru:
[looking through the window] But it couldn't be...

Lucy:
Wha... What? What couldn't be?

Gru:
[referring to Eduardo] That guy looks exactly like a villain named El Macho, from about 20 years ago. [a flashback reveals El Macho, 2 decades ago; voice-over] He was ruthless... [El Macho empties a bottle of tequila into a glass and smashes it over his head] He was dangerous... [El Macho squeezes a rattlesnake's venom out of his fangs, filling his glass] And as the name implies... [El Macho simply eats his glass] Very macho! [El Macho pins his money to the bar with the rattlesnake's fangs and leaves through the wall] He had the reputation of committing heists using only his bare hands! [El Macho stops a cargo truck with his head, then punches the driver out] But sadly, like all the greats, El Macho was gone too soon. He died in the most macho way possible - riding a shark with 250 pounds of dynamite strapped to his chest into the mouth of an active volcano! It was glorious!

Lucy:
[confused] Yeah, sounds like El Macho's pretty dead...

Gru:
They never found the body. Oh, no. All that was ever retrieved was a pile of singed chest hair. [pause] But that face, it has got to be El Macho!

Lucy:
[gasps] So what do you say you and I break into his restaurant... tonight?

Gru:
Yes, that’s good, because I’m telling you if anyone in this place holds the PX-41 serum... [points to Eduardo] ...It’s him.

Gru:
[entering the girls' bedroom] All right, homework done, pajamas on, teeth brushed, time for bed.

Margo:
What's the big hurry?

Gru:
I just... I have a lot of work to do.

Edith:
Work, what kind of work?

Gru:
Very important business. So hugs, kisses... [gives the girls a hug and kisses their foreheads, then puts them in bed] Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs blah-blah-blah-blah-blah... [suddenly sees Agnes standing at the doorway]

Agnes:
But you said me you would help me practice my part for the Mother’s Day show.

Gru:
[sighs; giving in] Fine, fine... [reluctantly] Let me hear it, quickly.

Agnes:
[blankly] She kisses my boo-boos, she braids my hair. My mother is beyond compare. We love you mothers everywhere. [smiles at Gru]

Gru:
[surprised] Wow! That was... something else! I really like the way you smiled at the end. Let's try this one more time, but a teensy bit less like a zombie, okay?

Agnes:
Okay. [blankly] She kisses my boo-boos, she braids my hair...

Gru:
[cuts her off, throws the script and turns around walking away] Perfect. Time to go.

Agnes:
I don't think I should do this.

Gru:
[stopping] Well, what do you mean? How come?

Agnes:
I don't even have a mom.

Gru:
Well, you don't need one to do the show. I mean, you did the Veteran's Day pageant and you haven't been in combat.

Agnes:
This is different.

Gru:
Okay, well, then... maybe you could just use your imagination.

Agnes:
You mean I pretend that I have a mom?

Gru:
Yes, right. You can do that, can't you?

Agnes:
[delightedly] Yeah! I do that all the time! Thanks, Gru! [gives him a kiss and leaves; Gru is confused]

Gru:
[lifting a floor tile; smiling maliciously] We’re stealth ninjas. We make no sound.

Lucy:
Right. Gotcha. [kicks the door open, much to Gru’s astonishment] Ya!

Gru:
[maliciously] Alright, El Macho. You're going down.

Lucy:
[stops him] Wait! Wait.

Gru:
What? [Lucy takes a spray can out of her purse and starts spraying the air; confused] What are you doing?

Lucy:
I'm checking for laser beam alarm triggers.

Gru:
It's a restaurant! [looks at her sternly]

Lucy:
You never know what booby traps this guy could've set, huh? Come on!

Gru:
There are no booby traps. [accidentally steps on a wire unseen, triggering and ringing a bell]

Lucy:
Ha! [pointing to the bell] Booby! [The door leading to the kitchen suddenly opens, causing Lucy to become startled, quickly hiding behind Gru. The shadow reveals none other than a chicken] Huh, there's a chicken. [gasps] Are you lost, little guy? You must be lost!

Gru:
[points to the chicken, referring to it; smug] Ha! Some guard dog. [the chicken suddenly leaps on him, continuously pecking his bald head] Aah! Get it off of me! Get it off of me! Get it off of me!

[Gru and Lucy are looking for the PX-41 serum in Eduardo's kitchen]

Lucy:
[referring to the X-ray goggles] How're they working? Tell me, tell me!

Gru:
[frightened upon seeing Lucy via the X-ray goggles] Aah! Oof!

Lucy:
[confused] What's wrong? Something wrong?

Gru:
[dazed] Oh, that's an image I'll never get out of my brain. Blagh! [continues looking with the x-ray goggles until he sees a portrait holding something; smiling sinisterly] I knew it! [gasps; removes the painting off the wall, revealing a safe] The serum is in here!

Lucy:
Ooh, then let’s get it!

Gru:
[takes a safe-cracking device out of his pocket, placing it over the combination wheel which activates automatically; giggling gleefully] Oh, this is going to be good! Ahh... [the safe opens, revealing something other than the serum] Aha! [realizing the canister does not contain the serum] What? [it is revealed he is holding a jar filled with salsa] It’s... secret salsa?

Lucy:
[disappointed] Aw, man.

[Gru and Lucy are hiding in garbage bins in the mall]

Lucy:
[puts on her binoculars] All right, there he is. Suspect #8: Floyd Eaglesan.

Gru:
Oh, okay.

Lucy:
See if you can get closer. Go, go...

Gru:
[tries to approach the entrance but makes sharp noise when moving the garbage bin; Floyd Eagle-san turns back and looks around, then enters the store] Alright, what do- [when a man attempts to throw a cup of hot coffee into Gru's garbage can; to himself] Oh no. That's not good! [suddenly freezes, revealing his legs. Confused, the man tries it again, but Gru dodges and takes off running, accidentally hitting a bent-over woman's rear-end before he falls down the escalator, rolling out of the garbage can and stumbling upon his daughters]

Agnes:
[o.s.] Hey, Gru!

Gru:
[looks up and sees the girls in front of him] Oh, girls! What are you doing here?

Margo:
Well, we thought we'd come to visit you at work. [looks at her father and the trash can] So... you're saving the world in a garbage can?

Gru:
[sarcastically] Ah ha ha ha ha! Funny.

Lucy:
[comes up from behind Gru] Hey, there you are. [looking at the girls] Oh, who's this?

Gru:
Lucy, these are my girls: Margo, Edith and Agnes. Girls — Lucy. Lucy — Girls

[Lucy smiles and shakes head slightly at the girls greeting them, tenderly]

Margo:
Hello!

Edith:
Hi!

Agnes:
[stares at Lucy, seeing a magical glow around her; sincerely] Are you single?

[Gru and Lucy become surprised by Agnes' words]

Lucy:
Oh. Goodness...

Gru:
Oh! Hey! I have an idea! Since Lucy and I have lots of work to do, why don't you girls go and explore the mall? [leaves Lucy along with the girls] Here's some money. Go buy some useless mall junk, some headbands and...

Agnes:
Are you gonna marry Lucy?

Gru:
Are you out of your gourd? No! She just works with me.

Agnes:
Plus you love her. [happily singing and dancing, attracting attention to everyone in the mall] You love her! You love her! You really, really love her, and you're gonna get married! And I'll be the flower girl!

Gru:
Okay, stop. This is a song of lies. I don't even like her. [points to the mall] Now go have fun. [The girls leave; prepares to stand up]

Agnes:
[laughs] Almost forgot! Hugs! [storms off to Gru along with her older siblings to give him a hug, throwing themselves on top of him]

Margo:
Good luck saving the world! Bye!

Agnes:
Bye, Gru! [runs away happily]

Gru:
[walks back to Lucy, chuckling awkwardly] Kids... right? They're... funny.

Lucy:
Those girls totally adore you! I bet you're a fun dad. [walks away with a smile]

Gru:
[in a bland tone] Huh, I am pretty fun.

Agnes:
[seeing Edith grabbing coins from the wishing fountain in the mall] Is that stealing?

Edith:
[comes out of the water, wearing a diving mask and snorkel] Not if my wish was to get a lot of free coins!

Antonio:
Cool glasses.

Margo:
Uh... [chuckles nervously]

Antonio:
I’m Antonio.

Margo:
I’m...Margo.

Antonio:
I was just going to get a cookie. Care to join me?

Margo:
[nervous] Uh,... sure. I’m... Margo. [once seeing her going out with Antonio, Edith, still wearing her diving mask and snorkel, loudly clears her throat in suspicion; nervous] Um... I’ll catch up with you guys later. Bye! [leaves her sisters]

Edith:
[in disgust] Can I be the first to say... Ewwww!

Agnes:
[eagerly shaking Edith] We gotta go tell Gru!

[Meanwhile, Gru arrives at Eagle Hair Club]

Gru:
[contacting Lucy] Alright, I’m going in.

Lucy:
[informs him at Bake My Day by monitor as he activates a chem-tracking device shaped like a belt; through headphones] If it picks up any traces of the serum, the center of your belt buckle [aloud] will make a sound like this: Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo!

Gru:
[cuts off Lucy; annoyed] Okay! I get it! I get it! [fumbles with the automatic door, then enters Eagle Hair Club]

Floyd:
[chuckles] Welcome to Eagle Hair Club. [turns his eagle-like chair, revealing himself holding and stroking a toupee] It’s about time you showed up...Mr. Gru. [the bald eagle perched next to him squawks]

Gru:
You... know my name?

Floyd:
[chuckles] When someone moves into the mall who is follically challenged, I make it my business to know all about them. You are bald. And that is bad. [strokes the toupee he’s holding, kisses it, then puts it on a mannequin head] There you go, my sweet.

[at Bake My Day]

Lucy:
[monitoring Gru’s chem-tracking device] I’m getting nothing so far. I think you need to look around.

[at Eagle Hair Club, after listening to Lucy in the headphones; Gru walks away, smiling nervously, and starts looking around the mall, but none of the mannequin heads give a signal]

Gru:
[starts thrusting his hips once noticing a painting] Wow, this looks interesting. What is it?

Floyd:
[suspiciously] I take it you’re an art lover?

Lucy:
[in headphones] No serum.

Gru:
Yeah, not so much. [walks over to a podium holding a trophy and starts thrusting his hips at it] Oh, how about this impressive trinket?

Floyd:
[gasps] I hardly call it trinket, Mr. Gru.

Lucy:
[in headphones] Nothing.

Floyd:
The International—

Gru:
Yeah, I don’t care. [moves over to a shelf filled with wig samples and starts straddling it]

Lucy:
[in headphones, startling Gru] Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo!!! Hold on, I’m picking up something. Behind that wall!

Gru:
Ahh... and what do we have here?

Floyd:
[grabs a sample] These are my trial wigs. [hands Gru a bag with a wig in it] You should take one.

Gru:
No, thanks. [sticks his head into the shelf] So what’s on the other side of the wall?

Floyd:
There you are! Look at me! Focus!

Lucy:
[in headphones] Gru?

Floyd:
I promise, that this wig will transform you from ugly to irresistible.

[Gru is staring at the wig when Agnes and Edith hastily storm inside Eagle Hair Club, making him lose his focus]

Agnes:
MARGO HAS A BOYFRIEND!

Edith:
AND THEY’RE GOING ON A DATE!

Gru:
[suddenly hysterical, to Edith] Date?! [to Agnes] Boyfriend?! [to Floyd] What?! [Floyd shrugs shoulders and shakes his head nervously; Gru stares at Agnes and Edith]

[Gru, Edith and Agnes enter Eduardo's restaurant and notice Margo and Antonio are eating a cookie]

Margo:
[chuckling] Oh, you're so funny!

[Cut back to the other Grus noticing

Edith:
Gross! [referring to Margo and Antonio, pointing at them] Look, they're in love!

Gru:
Oh, no, no, no. Don't say that they're... no, no, no! [leaves for Margo and Antonio]

Antonio:
[seriously] And my dream... is to one day play video games for a living.

Margo:
Wow. [chuckles] You're so complicated!

Gru:
[interrupts them, smiling nervously] Margo, [Margo gasps in astonishment] what is going on here?

Margo:
Oh, Gru, se llama Antonio. Me llamo, Margo.

Gru:
Me llamo llama ding-dong! [serious] Who cares? Let's go.

Eduardo:
[starts to hug Gru] So good to see you again, mi compadré!

Antonio:
Oh, I see you’ve already met my father. [Margo lovingly stares at him]

Gru:
[being hugged by Eduardo] What the... father?

Eduardo:
[stops hugging him] Si! Look at this crazy little world we live in, eh? Come, sit! Let me get you something.

Gru:
[sees Pollito squawking and glaring at him] Oh... look at you. [Eduardo scoops up the chicken; laughing nervously] He likes me! [attempts to pet Pollito, but he lunges at him]

Eduardo:
Oh, oh, I’m sorry, Pollito is usually very friendly. [cradling his pet] He had a rough night. [Pollito stares at Gru relentlessly]

Gru:
[chuckles nervously] Well, we should be going. Girls, come on. [attempts to leave]

Eduardo:
[stops him and brings Margo and Antonio closer towards each other] That is a pity. Young love is beautiful, no?

Gru:
No! [chuckles nervously] You know, they’re not in love. They hardly know each other!

Eduardo:
You are right, Cabesa De Huevo! They must get to know each other better. Antonio, why don’t you invite your girlfriend and her family to our Cinco de Mayo party?

Gru:
No, no, I am...

Edith and Agnes:
[happily] Si!

Silas:
I'm sorry. El Macho? Haven't we eliminated him as a suspect, after the whole "Salsa" incident?

Gru:
Yes, but there has been a new development and I'm telling you: This is the guy. You need to arrest him immediately. And his deviously charming son! I'm pretty sure the son is involved in too. The son also. You got to get the son! [referring to Antonio; whispering] I think that the son is the mastermind. There is a look. There is a devilish look in his eyes and I don't like it! [gets back in his chair]

Silas:
Yes, but I don't really see any evidence for-

Gru:
[cuts him off] Evidence, schmevidence! I go with my gut and my gut tells me this guy is El Macho! Lock him up! Lock up the son. Don't forget about the son. The kid GIVES ME THE CREEPS!

Silas:
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...

Lucy:
Uh, but on the less [whistles] crazy side of things, uh, Gru discovered traces of the serum at Eagle Hair Club.

Silas:
[regaining his interest] Hmm, interesting.

Lucy:
Yeah! And you know who made that happen? Huh? [referring to Gru and pointing at him] This guy. Nailed it! Amazing, right?

Gru:
No, I mean... Sure, but it's not him. It is... [whispering while glaring in Lucy's eyes] ...El Macho!

Silas:
Mr. Gru, please...

Gru:
[gets out of his chair and back outside] No. It is him! And I will prove it!

Lucy:
[tries to stop him with no luck] Gru, c'mon. [turns to Silas; referring to Gru; chuckles nervously] He really thinks it's El Macho. [pause] Can you tell? [Silas gives her a bland glare]

[Gru is surfing on his laptop, looking up information about El Macho, when he suddenly realizes his internet connection has been lost]

Gru:
[groans] Kevin, the Wi-Fi's out! [pause] Kevin? [to a Minion] Hey, Lance, where the heck is Kevin? [Lance scoffs and shrugs; Gru sighs] All right. We need to revisit the number of vacation days you guys get. I can't find anybody anymore.

[The doorbell rings]

Jillian:
[off-screen] Gru! It's Jillian! [Annoyed by her, Gru shoots an imaginary bullet in his head, becoming really bored] I brought good news! [cut on her with another woman] I have my friend Shannon here with me. I was thinking, you two, can get some grub, you know, tear it up, see what happens! [cracks herself up; cut on Gru seeing Agnes approaching; off-screen] Uh, open up!

Gru:
[whispers] Agnes, Agnes. [Agnes stops singing] Tell Jillian I'm not here.

Agnes:
Gru's not here!

Jillian:
Are you sure?

Agnes:
Yes, he just told me!

Gru:
[cringes] Mmm-mmm!

Agnes:
I mean, no. He didn't just tell me.

Jillian:
[laughs; peeking through the keyhole] Agnes, where is Gru?

[Gru approaches Agnes, then makes a "zip your lips" gesture]

Agnes:
He's putting on lipstick. [Gru swings his arms wildly, convincing her to stop] He's swatting at flies!

Gru:
No! [makes a "cut it off" gesture] No!

Agnes:
He's [skipping] chopping his head off! [Gru covers his head, groaning loudly] He’s [confused] pooping?

[pause]

Jillian:
[off-screen] I know you're in there, Gru! There's no way you're getting out of this.

[When Gru looks annoyed, realizing this is getting him nowhere, Kyle, with the wig that Gru received from Floyd Eagle-san in his jaws, approaches him]

Lucy:
[enters the Italian restaurant] Hi. Take-out for Lucy?

Hostess:
Sure. Just a sec. [leaves off; After the hostess left, Lucy narrows her eyes, then hides behind a aquarium. She sees Gru and Shannon, who’s doing sit-ups, before she presses a button on her watch that turns into a eavesdropping device that she puts in her ears]

Shannon:
[heard through Lucy’s high tech eavesdropping device] Your accent is so exotic.

Gru:
Ah. Well, thank you very much. I was...

Shannon:
I know someone who can fix that for you and you’ll be talking normal in no time.

Gru:
[laughs awkwardly; sweating] Whew. Is it hot in here? How’s the food?

[pause]

Shannon:
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you wearing a wig?!

Gru:
What? [noticing his wig is in a wrong direction, quickly rotates it back; nervously] I don't think so!

Shannon:
I knew it. You're a phony. I hate phonies!

Gru:
Oh... what? No, these locks are all mine...

Shannon:
No, they're not! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna rip that thing off your head and show everyone [heard through eavesdropping device] what a bald-headed phony you are!

Lucy:
I don't think so, Miss Lady. [calmly activates her watch, revealing a target sight along with a couple of darts. Meanwhile, Gru watches in horror as Shannon approaches him. Suddenly, Lucy shoots a tranquilizer dart at Shannon’s buttocks, rendering her unconscious before she can remove the wig off Gru’s head and landing with her face in the spaghetti]

Gru:
[confused] Hello? Hello... Are you...

Lucy:
[off-screen] Hey, Gru!

Gru:
[removes his wig] Hello, Lucy! How you doin'?

Lucy:
Wow, looks like your date's out for the count. It's like she's been shot with a mild moose tranquilizer. [Shannon moans unconsciously like a moose, then passes out again; Lucy winks at Gru, who suddenly smiles and stares at her awkwardly; whispering] Yeah, I'm winking 'cuz that's what actually happened.

Waiter:
[hurries to the table, politely] 'Scusi, whassa happenin' here? She no like?

Lucy:
Uh, she's just uh... Glurp glurp... [makes a sign to the waiter that Shannon drank too much]

Waiter:
Oh, si, si! [laughs nervously and moves away]

Lucy:
[to Gru; referring to Shannon] Shall we take her home?

[after taking Shannon back home]

Lucy:
Well, I think you did it. You just officially had the worst date ever.

Gru:
Huh, tell me about it.

Lucy:
Don’t worry, it can only get better from here, right? But if it doesn’t, you can always burrow my dart gun. I’ve had to use it on one or two dates myself.

Gru:
Yeah, you know, as far as dates go, I think I’m good with just the one. [chuckles nervously]

[silence, until Lucy pats Gru on the shoulder]

Lucy:
Well, good night, partner. [starts walking toward her car. Gru gets up to walk beside her] This was fun.

Gru:
Yes. Surprisingly, it was.

Lucy:
Oh, and uh, just between you and me? You look much better bald. [the spies exchange looks as Lucy pecks Gru on the cheek before happily leaving him] See you tomorrow! [Gru smiles happily as she takes off, unaware of Shannon falling off the porch behind him]

[Gru just arrived at Paradise Mall and sees Silas with a couple of AVL agents at Eagle Hair Club]

Gru:
[confused] Mr. Ramsbottom?

Silas:
Oh, hello.

Gru:
What are you doing here?

Silas:
We got him.

Gru:
Got who?

Silas:
Floyd Eaglesan! Our agents located a secret room in the shop last night, [snaps his fingers, signaling a female AVL agent holding a Ziploc bag containing a canister. He then shows it to Gru] and uh, discovered this! It’s empty, but we found traces of the PX-41 serum in it. He’s our man. So, somehow, in spite of your incompetence, we solved this one.

Floyd:
[handcuffed and carried away] I was framed! You won’t get away with this! Get your mitts off of me! I am a legitimate businessman!

Gru:
[stunned] Ah. Alright. So... what now?

Silas:
Well, you’re now free to go back to your “business”. Mmm. Jams and jellies. And it looks like Agent Wilde will be transferring to our Australian branch.

Gru:
[shocked] Australia...?

Silas:
Yes. But thank you...for everything. And by everything of course I mean... nothing. [pause] Toodle pip and cheerio, Mr. Gru. [walks away to the AVL agents. Gru stares sadly from a distance, until Lucy gives him a few pats on his shoulder]

Lucy:
Hey there.

Gru:
Hey.

Lucy:
So we got him?

Gru:
Yay. That’s great. [pause] And now you’re going to Australia?

Lucy:
Well, it’s not definite yet. Still figuring it out. Already been working on my accent. [imitating an Australian accent] Wallaby. Didgeree-doo. Hugh Jackman. [chuckles] So...um. Pretty excited...

[short silence]

Gru:
[smiling] Great. [shyly] Well... good luck.

Lucy:
Thanks. You too. [pulls her lipstick taser out of her purse] Oh, here, I want to give you this.

Gru:
Your lipstick taser?

Lucy:
Yeah, it’s just a memento. Just, you know, from the first time we met.

Gru:
Oh, thank you, Lucy. [accepts her lipstick taser]

Silas:
[off-screen] Agent Wilde?

[the two stare at each other awkwardly, unwilling to leave]

Gru:
Well... it looks like that they need you, so...

Lucy:
Yeah, I uh, I better go. Bye, Gru.

[After learning that Lucy goes to Australia, Gru sags on the doorsteps of his house]

Agnes:
[comes outside, holding an umbrella] I brought you an umbrella.

Gru:
[smiles at Agnes, then takes the umbrella] Ah, thank you.

Agnes:
What are you doing out here?

Gru:
Remember when you said that I liked Lucy? Well, it turns out... you're right.

Agnes:
[smiles] Really?

Gru:
Yes, but... well, she's moving away. I'm never going to see her again. [Agnes sags along with him and slightly kicks her feet]

Agnes:
Is there anything I could do to help?

Gru:
Oh, I don't... I don't think so, sweetheart.

Agnes:
Well, is anything you could do? [Gru heads up like he suddenly remembers something]

Gru:
Listen! I don't want a refund, I want the fairy princess... please! Please, I'm begging you!

Margo:
[Upon seeing Antonio] I'm Margo.

Margo:
Okay, we need to choose a picture.

Agnes:
My unicorn! [Margo: Agnes, no!] [Evil Kevin tries to eat her unicorn, but she gets shocked in terror, screams out so loud that only not forced Kevin to spit out her unicorn, and starting to scream, but also Margo to cover her ears, everything breaking, a bust of Gru's mother to Kevin's goggles]

Agnes:
[upon seeing a picture of Gru in his trunks, with her eyes covered] WHAT IS THAT!?!?