Grey's Anatomy, Season 4

Meredith:
[voiceover] In the practice of medicine, change is inevitable. New surgical techniques are created, procedures are updated, levels of expertise increase. Innovation is everything, nothing remains the same for long. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind.

Cristina:
[to new interns] I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one, don't bother sucking up. I already hate you, that's not gonna change.

Izzie:
Traumas protocol, phone lists, pagers. The nurses will page you, you answer every page at a run. A run. That's rule number two. [notices the interns are not following her] You're supposed to follow me.

Alex:
The first shift starts now and lasts 36 hours. You're grunts, nobodies, the bottom of the surgical food chain. You run labs, write orders, and you work every second night until you drop. And you don't complain.

Meredith:
On call rooms. Sleep when you can, where you can. You know, but not with anybody. Not attendings, especially not attendings. Sleeping with attendings, not a good idea. Where was I?

George:
Er, rule number three. If you're sleeping, do not wake you unless the patient's actually dying.

Cristina:
The dying patient better not be dead when I get there, because not only will you have killed someone, you will have woken me for no good reason. Are we clear? [Lexie raises her hand] Yes?

Lexie:
That was four rules. You said five.

Cristina:
Rule number five. When I move, you move. [awkward pause as nobody moves] Go! [Cristina's interns scramble off]

Mark:
I really am up for a drink, you know if you, uh, need to talk.

Derek:
What would I need to talk about?

Mark:
Meredith. You were lucky, man. That girl jerked you around.

Derek:
You have no idea what you're talking about.

Mark:
Hey, I'm just... seem like you can use a friend about now.

Derek:
Meredith's mother never wanted her and her father was never man enough to hang around. She has a right to be damaged and us, together? It's a big step for her. Her best friend gets left at the altar, and all she sees now is things like this, they don't work. She panics. She wants this, but she doesn't know how to have it. And you know what? That's not her fault. So don't ever talk to me about Meredith Grey again because you do not know what you are talking about. And I don't want a friend.

Meredith:
I...um...

Derek:
You're not ready for this.

Meredith:
No.

Derek:
I asked for too much.

Meredith:
I think so.

Derek:
So, this is it?

Meredith:
Yeah.

Derek:
We're breaking up?

Meredith:
We're breaking up.

Derek:
[Walks to Meredith] We're broken up.

Meredith:
It's done.

[They start kissing]

Derek:
Break-up kiss.

Meredith:
Break-up kiss.

Derek:
[Removes his jacket] And some break-up sex.

Meredith:
Yeah, break-up sex.

Meredith:
[voiceover] Change; we don't like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying. But here's the truth, sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change, is, everything.

Meredith:
[voiceover] In the hospital, we see addiction every day. It's shocking how many kinds of addiction exist. It would be too easy if it were just drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think the hardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life at some point cross the line to obsessive, compulsive, out of control. It's the high we're chasing, the high that makes everything else fade away.

Mark:
Let me guess, you and Meredith are back together and you've been up all night doing the horizontal salsa.

Derek:
Mambo. Horizontal mambo. Meredith and I, we're just friends.

Mark:
Sexy friends.

Derek:
You're like the worst, most juvenile human being I've ever met in my life.

Mark:
You know the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem?

Derek:
How many nurses have you slept with this week?

Mark:
That's not a problem, man. That's an adventure.

[Pager beeps]

Cristina:
Carnage in the pit. My day's improving. [Cristina walks away and turns to her interns] Follow. [Interns run to follow her]

Lexie:
We're not gonna round?

Cristina:
Carnage trumps rounds, Three. Write that down. Carnage always trumps rounds.

George:
How is he? Is he... okay?

Mama Burke:
He's Preston, he's a gentleman. So, he doesn't like to talk about it. And I just really don't know what to say to him.

George:
Maybe, um, maybe you can tell him that he dodged a bullet. Marriage is... once you're in, you're in. Burke is smart, he didn't make a mistake. A mistake that, you know, is hard to take back, which even if you want to take back you can't. So, you can tell him that.

Mama Burke:
"Once you're in, you're in." Make sure you have that engraved on your wedding ring when you get married.

George:
Oh, I'm already married.

Mama Burke:
You're already married? George O'Malley, Burke's friend, Burke's guy. Staying in a marriage out of obligation. That's no way to live, it's no way to love. And I think you know that.

Meredith:
[voiceover] The thing about addiction is it never ends well, because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high stops feeling good and starts to hurt. Still, they say you don't kick the habit until you hit rock bottom, but how do you know when you're there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go hurts even worse.

Meredith:
[voiceover] Doctors give patients a number of things. We give them medicine, we give them advice, and most of the time, we give them our undivided attention. But, by far, the hardest thing you can give a patient is the truth. The truth is hard. The truth is awkward, and very often, the truth hurts. I mean, people think they want the truth, but do they really?

Cristina:
Here I am stuck in the pit with those know-nothing interns. You think eventually I catch a break.

Meredith:
Cristina, are we ever gonna talk about this? The Burke thing?

Cristina:
I'm not Izzie. I'm not gonna lie at the bathroom floor all day. I'm gonna lie here... on the counter.

Meredith:
I'll trade you the hemiglossectomy.

Cristina:
What?

Meredith:
You take the hemiglossectomy and I will take the ER and your interns.

Cristina:
Are you sure?

Meredith:
Take the surgery. If it makes you feel better, you're starting to freak me out. [Meredith leaves]

Alex:
I saw the whole thing, Yang. You can stop pretending.

Cristina:
Oh, I'm not pretending. I'm sad. I'm very sad. [makes a childish voice] Me so sad.

Alex:
Maybe I should try it. See if I can get Grey to take my new intern.

Cristina:
Hey, forget it. Sad is mine. Go find your own pretend emotion.

Meredith:
Hey, I'm filling for Cristina, so how's it going?

Lexie:
I pulled a splinter out of a guy's toe, and now I'm writing about it.

Bailey:
Don't apologize to him!

Alex:
What?

Norman:
Oh, Dr. Bailey's right...

Bailey:
Shut up, Norman! I'm not talking to you. [to Alex] He got in your way, he's been doing it all day. And when that happens, when an intern gets in the way of a resident, you're not doing what's best for your patient. Now, you almost missed diagnosing that kid today because Norman here thought it was drugs. So don't apologize. He should be yelled at.

Alex:
Dr. Bailey, he's as old as the hills.

Bailey:
I don't care how old he is, Dr. Karev. He's still an intern, and interns are basically teenagers. We are not hard on them because it's fun, we're hard on them because this is a life and death job, they need to learn that. There is a reason why we have a pecking order in a hospital. It saves lives!

Meredith:
[voiceover] The truth is painful. Deep down nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home. Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to really hear it for ourselves. And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can't help ourselves. And sometimes, we tell them, because we owe them at least that much.

Meredith:
[voiceover] In life only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes: No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. You're going to hurt people. You're going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover, there's really only one thing you can say...

Cristina:
Oh, great, I'm stuck in the pit taking smack heads and gang bangers with my idiot interns and you're getting McDreamy'd in the elevator.

Meredith:
Really, smack heads and gang bangers at Seattle Grace, huh?

Cristina:
My point is, I hate interns.

Meredith:
Lexie's not that bad is she?

Cristina:
Oh, are we not hating her anymore?

Meredith:
Oh no, we still hate the idea of her. We just realize we don't have a reason to hate the actual person.

Cristina:
She's an intern. That's reason enough.

Meredith:
Ohhh, I think you may be the new Nazi.

Cristina:
Damn right.

George:
Why did she do this to herself?

Bailey:
Because people are stupid, and just want to be loved. It's the only reason anybody does anything.

Meredith:
[voiceover] Forgive and forget. That's what they say. It's good advice, but it's not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness old scores are never settled. Old wounds never heal, and the most we can hope for is that one day we'll be lucky enough to forget.

Meredith:
[voiceover] There is a reason surgeons learn to wield scalpels. We like to pretend we're hard, cold scientists. We like to pretend we're fearless. But the truth is we become surgeons because somewhere deep down we think we can cut away that which haunts us. Weakness, frailty, death.

Izzie:
[Meredith is emptying the contents of an urn into a plastic bag] What is that?

Meredith:
My mother.

Alex:
Happy freaking Halloween.

Cristina:
[about a bag of ashes] What are we looking at?

Izzie:
Meredith put her Mom in a baggie and brought her to work.

Meredith:
I had to get her out of my closet, she was haunting me.

Alex:
And now she's haunting us all.

Callie:
You should direct your questions to Dr. Bailey, Stevens.

Cristina:
Oh, we're directing our questions to Dr. Bailey?

Callie:
Oh, not you, just Stevens.

Bailey:
Why is Stevens directing her questions to Dr. Bailey?

Callie:
Because she's been sleeping with my husband. Alrighty then? Have a good day.

Cristina:
[to Meredith] This is even more disturbing than your bag full of Mommy.

Meredith:
[voiceover] It isn't just surgeons. The truth is, I don't know anyone who isn't haunted by something or someone. And whether we try to slice the pain away with a scalpel or shove it in the back of a closet, our efforts usually fail. So the only way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a new page or put an old story to rest. Finally, finally to rest.

Meredith:
[voiceover] There's this thing about being a surgeon. Maybe it's pride or maybe it's just about being tough. But a true surgeon never admits they need help unless absolutely necessary. Surgeons don't need to ask for help because they're tougher than that. Surgeons are cowboys. Rough around the edges. Hardcore. At least, that's what they want you to think.

Mark:
Dr. Hahn, I heard a crazy rumor about you.

Erica:
That I'm performing open-heart surgery on a man who's wide awake?

Mark:
That's the rumor.

Erica:
That's the truth.

Derek:
Well, I perform awake brain surgery all the time.

Mark and Erica:
Not the same thing.

Mark:
You ever heard of a gentlemen's evening?

Erica:
I'm sorry?

Derek:
The chief is hosting a gentlemen's evening.

Mark:
We're pretty sure it doesn't involve porn, but, you know, we want to be sure.

Derek:
Right.

Erica:
Are you two a couple?

[Derek and Mark burst out laughing]

Derek and Mark:
No.

Erica:
Just checking. [walks away]

Derek:
Why would she ask that?

Mark:
I don't know.

Meredith:
Remember when I was dead? Before I went in that water everything was so... complicated. Hard. And then you pulled me out of the water... and I came back to life. For a moment everything was so clear. As if the water had washed everything clean. Do you remember that?

Derek:
I do.

Meredith:
Me too.

Meredith:
[voiceover] Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn't just about being tough it's about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don't have to be tough every minute of every day. It's okay to let down your guard. In fact, there are moments when it's the best thing you could possibly do - as long as you choose your moments wisely.

Meredith:
[voiceover] Before we were doctors, we were med students, which meant we spent a lot of time studying chemistry. [...] Organic chemistry, biochemistry, we learned it all. But when you're talking about human chemistry only one thing matters: either you've got it or you don't.

George:
It's horrible. The sex. With Izzie... [whispers] horrible. It's like she's trying too hard. I-its... you ever seen a porno? Not that Izzie's a porno; she's an angel, but it's like she's trying to... channel a porn star and she's trying to act all dirty and sexy, which sounds great, right? But in reality I just wanna say, "Izzie, just because you can do that with your legs doesn't mean that you should.

Meredith:
Eh... I wanna run.

George:
Run, run. Run now!

Izzie:
I love George.

Meredith:
Oh, God...

Izzie:
I do, I love him, and I'm so happy because he's kind and, um, smart and um, sweet and sexy. He's perfect, perfect, except for the fact that he kisses like a chicken. You know a chicken pecking the ground for food, just pecking and pecking and pecking, and when he's pecking at me like that I forget that I love him, I forget that he's kind and and sweet and sexy and I just wanna scream, "Stop pecking me!" Did he peck you like a chicken, Mer?

[Cristina walks into the residents lounge, where Meredith and Izzie are talking]

Cristina:
Morning.

Meredith:
[Sees her] Cristina needs me.

Lexie:
I'm not stalking you. I just... I hate apples. Hate them. Think they shouldn't be allowed to be a fruit. That's one. And... two, I can draw really, really well on an etch a sketch. Like, really well, like I could be a professional if, you know, that profession existed. I play the trombone... badly. Uh, I like Math. And I notice that you do this thing with your hands when you're trying to make a point, like, like, like this, with your hands. And I know that that's about you, but I... I do it, too. So it's also about me. And. so that's five. Five things that I'm hoping will make it a little bit harder for you to hate me.

Meredith:
[voiceover] Chemistry: either you've got it or you don´t.

Meredith:
[voiceover] There comes a point in your life when you're officially an adult. Suddenly, you're old enough to vote, drink, and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious, a grown up. We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really grow up?

Marissa:
You don't know what he would have wanted. You're just like them, you're a prom queen and you're trying to act like you know what it's like for me. You have no idea what it's like.

Izzie:
I wasn't a prom queen. I was the girl in the cheap clothes from the trailer park who got pregnant, and got thrown out of pregnant girls' class, and lost all my friends. None of the mothers would let their kids hang out with me. But I got through it. You will get through this.

Meredith:
Your dad was in the ER today.

Lexie:
I know.

Meredith:
So, you know he was drunk and he put his hand through a window?

Lexie:
Yeah, anything else?

Meredith:
I know it was Susan's birthday, and I'm sure it was a very hard day for the both of you. And he wasn't actually a problem, he was kinda charming. But, he seemed very sad and I'd hate to see it happen again, so maybe you should think about keeping a better eye on him.

Lexie:
Everyday is my mother's birthday. My mother was born in March. He lied. He's a liar. And I'm glad. Really, I'm glad that you found him charming. I'm sure he was delightful. He's a blast after five drinks, not so much after nine though; he gets a little weepy and mean. He's a drunk, Meredith. He probably came in and told you how wonderful you are. How sad he is that he doesn't get to spend more time with you. You know, yesterday he said that I was his favorite daughter. The day before, I was an ungrateful bitch. The week before, he wrote me a check for twenty-thousand dollars because he said I deserved everything life had to offer, because he was so proud of me, a lifetimes worth of proud. So you can't listen to anything that he says, because it's not about you. It's about a pint of Dewar's. So thank you for letting me know that I need to keep a better eye on him. Thanks.

Meredith:
[voiceover] In some ways we grow up. We have families, we get married, divorced. But for the most part, we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen. No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling, forever wondering, forever... young.

Meredith:
[voiceover] We go into medicine because we want to save lives. We go into medicine because we want to do good. We go into medicine for the rush, for the high, for the ride. But, what we remember at the end of most days are the losses. What we lay awake at night replaying is the pain we caused or failed to cure. The lives we ruined or failed to save. So the experience of practicing medicine rarely resembles the goal. The experience too often is ass backwards and upside down.

Alex:
Hey!

Lexie:
I'm late for Sloan's meeting.

Alex:
Yeah, so am I.

Lexie:
Also, I'm not speaking to you. [Alex kisses her and she kisses back] I'm still not speaking to you.

Alex:
You don't have to speak. [They gaze at each other until Meredith comes up the hall]

Meredith:
Late for Sloan. [Alex leaves abruptly, and Lexie looks frustrated]

Meredith:
[about a dying paramedic's wife] I've never met her before, and yet I'm the person who handed her the worst day of her life. In her story that's who I am. That's who I'll always be.

Webber:
That's the job.

Meredith:
That's the job, I know.

Webber:
Look at me. This day, this day you feel helpless, this day makes all those other days when you fight to save a life and lose, this day makes you grateful that you have a chance to do anything at all. Take it in.

[Dr.Hahn complimented Mark's skills and he told her the story of his dead mentor, who was like a father to him]

Erica:
What are we, on a date here? I was complimenting your surgical skills, Dr. Sloan. Not looking through a window into your wounded soul.

Meredith:
[voiceover] At the end of the day the experience of practicing medicine bears little resemblance to the dream. We go into medicine because we want to save lives. We go into medicine because we want to do good. We go into medicine for the rush, for the high, for the ride. But what we remember at the end of most days are the losses, what we lie awake at night replaying is the pain we caused, the ills we couldn't cure, the lives we ruined or failed to save. The end of the day, the reality is nothing like we hope. The reality is, at the end of the day, more often than not, turned inside out and upside down.

George:
Well, Dr. Bailey did save your life today. A black woman saved your life at a great personal cost. So, maybe next time you're looking at your tattoo and you're thinking how much better all us white guys are than everyone else, you should think about that. 'Cause between you and me, if I'd been alone in that O.R., you'd probably be dead right now. And, uh, since we're sharing belief systems, I believe if you were dead, the world would be a better place.

Meredith:
[to Derek] I don't want you to date other people. I may not be enough for you, but I'm trying here so I don't want you to date anybody but me. That's it. Except I'm scared as hell to want you. But here I am wanting you anyway. And fear means I have something to lose, right? And I don't want to lose you.

Cristina:
You did a good job today. That was not easy. What you did was not easy, it was brave.

Lexie:
We killed him. The hospital, Sloan, us. We were not prepared.

Cristina:
Yeah... yeah, that happens sometimes.

Lexie:
That's... do you have any idea how backwards that is?

Cristina:
We help more than we hurt.

Meredith:
[voiceover] Some days the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, improbably, and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again.

Bailey:
[voiceover] In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the earth, at least that's what they say. He created the birds of the air and the beasts of the fields, and he looked at his creation and he saw that it was good. And then God created man, and it's been downhill ever since. The story goes on to say that God created man in his own image, but there's not much proof of that. After all God made the sun and the moon and the stars, and all man makes is trouble. And when man finds himself in trouble, which is most of the time, he turns to something bigger than himself. To love or fate or religion to make sense of it all. But for a surgeon, the only thing that makes any kind of sense is medicine.

Lexie:
Where's your girlfriend?

Alex:
Back with her husband, I'm guessing... And I don't have a girlfriend.

Lexie:
Or a conscience, apparently.

Meredith:
There are about a hundred steps between where we are right now and building our dream house. And they'll be fun steps and sexy steps. And we'll try not to fall down them together. Okay?

Erica:
Now do you want me to stand here talking to you? Or do you want me to try and save your baby's life?

Bailey:
[voiceover] As doctors, we know more about the human body now than at any point in our history. But the miracle of life itself; why people live and die, why they hurt or get hurt is still a mystery. We want to know the reason, the secret, the answer at the back of the book because the thought of our being all alone down here is just too much for us to bear. But at the end of the day, the fact that we show up for each other, in spite of our differences, no matter what we believe, is reason enough to keep believing.

Meredith:
[voiceover] We like to think that we are rational beings; humane, conscientious, civilized, thoughtful. But when things fall apart, even just a little, it becomes clear we're no better than animals. We have opposable thumbs, we think, we walk erect, we speak, we dream, but deep down we're all still rooting around in the primordial ooze; biting, clawing, scratching out an existence in the cold, dark world like the rest of the tree-toads and sloths.

Bailey:
I thought you told me to keep the animals under control?

Webber:
From time to time, I like to go to the zoo.

Webber:
The contest is a lion fight. So chin up, put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don't lick your wounds, celebrate them. The scars you bear are the sign of a competitor. You were in a lion fight, Stevens. Just because you didn't win doesn't mean you don't know how to roar.

Meredith:
[voiceover] There's a little animal in all of us, and maybe that's something to celebrate. Our animal instinct is what makes us seek comfort, warmth, a pack to run with. We may feel caged, we may feel trapped, but still as humans we can find ways to feel free. We are each other's keepers, we are the guardians of our own humanity, and even though there's a beast inside all of us, what sets us apart from the animals is that we can think, feel, dream and love. And against all odds, against all instinct, we evolve.

Meredith:
[voiceover] Great surgeons aren't made, they're born. It takes gestation, incubation, sacrifice. A lot of sacrifice. But after all the blood and guts and gooey stuff is washed away that surgeon you've become - totally worth it.

Cristina:
[Callie has suggested to Cristina that she needs to tell Erica Hahn how she feels about being mistreated] Tell her how I feel? Well, I don't speak girl.

Callie:
Um, did anyone... did anyone ever think you two were a couple?

Meredith:
No, because we screw boys like whores on tequila.

Cristina:
And then we either try to marry them or drown ourselves.

Meredith:
Hey, you're leaving already?

Addison:
I have a plane to catch. I walk on the beach now, I buy aromatherapy candles, I'm very zen, but I want to kick your ass so badly right now it is killing me.

Meredith:
Excuse me?

Addison:
I'm talking about Derek. Derek Christopher Shepherd. Are you letting him get away? Because I swear to God Meredith, if you let him ride off into the sunset with that doe-eyed little thing... [walks away]

Meredith:
[voiceover] Giving birth may be all intense and magical and stuff, but the act itself it's not exactly pleasant. But it's also a beginning of something incredible, something new, something unpredictable, something true, something worth loving, something worth missing, something that will change your life forever.

Meredith:
[voiceover] There's this person... in my head. She's brilliant. Capable. She can do chest tubes and craniotomies, she can run a code without freaking out. She's a really good surgeon. Maybe even a great surgeon. She's me. Only so much better.

Bailey:
I just wanted to drop off the form myself... answer any questions you might have.

Webber:
There are listed interns on this form.

Bailey:
Mm-hmm, I require the energy of youth. Dr. Shepherd was just a moment of weakness, for both of us.

Webber:
Dr. Sloan?

Bailey:
Oh that was many moments, in on-call rooms, very hot.

Adele:
Mm. Steamy.

Webber:
Surprised you haven't listed me.

Bailey:
You're not my type.

Webber:
Alright, Dr. Bailey I get the joke.

Bailey:
See this is a joke to you. I am a single woman. I've been a single woman for some time now, but the very idea that I could have a sexual encounter [She glares at the Board Member across the table], a consensual sexual encounter is a joke to you!

Webber:
Dr. Bailey I...

Bailey:
So much so that you would single me out of this entire hospital as the one person who couldn't interest a member of the opposite sex, it's, it's just...

Adele:
Harassment.

Webber:
A..Adele!

[Bailey slaps the Chief's shoulder hard]

Bailey:
Just shame on you sir! Just shame on you! [She storms out]

[Adele secretly smirks]

Bailey:
[to all the nurses who boycotted Mark's surgeries] This boycott has gone on long enough. Now, OK, I have no authority here, but I would like to offer my thoughts on Dr. Sloan.

Mark:
[whispers to Miranda] You're doing great.

Miranda:
Uh, this man is a whore, has always been a whore, will probably always be a whore. But, I mean, that's not a secret. He's not keeping it hidden. You all knew who he was before you got involved with him. And now you want to be all "woe is me, he doesn't call me back, he's dating other women." He's nasty, and that's not just you, he's sleeping with other doctors and orderlies and... cafeteria workers. But he's a doctor here and a pretty good one. So let us all close our knees and get back to our jobs so he can get back to his job and help the people that really need it.

Mark:
The most refined, professional, lady-like doctor in this hospital came to my defense tonight. Best she could come up with was "he's a whore." [looks at Derek forlornly] I'm a whore.

Derek:
I slept with her [Rose]. The whole time, I was thinking about Meredith. Who's the bigger whore?

Meredith:
[voiceover]: It was a good day. Maybe even a great day. I was a good doctor, even when it was hard, I was the me in my head. There was a moment when I thought I can't do this, I can't do this alone. But I closed my eyes and imagined myself doing it, and I did, I blocked out the fear, and I did it.

Meredith:
[voiceover] The problem with being a resident is you feel crazy all the time. You haven't slept in years. You spend everyday with people in massive crisis. You lose your ability to judge what's normal, in yourself or anyone else. And yet people are constantly asking you to tell them how they're doing. How the hell are you supposed to know? You don't even know how you're doing.

Lexie:
I don't know how you get up in the morning, I honestly don't. Our dad abandoned you. And your mom by all accounts was the meanest person ever and you can't let Derek love you and it all really, really sucks. But ever since I knew you existed I had this fantasy about my big sister and you have failed, on every occasion to live up to that fantasy. But I still love you, whether you are capable of letting me or not. So, I forgive you. [storms out of bathroom]

Dr. Wyatt:
[comes out of bathroom stall] Two o'clock work for you?

Meredith:
Yeah... okay.

Dr. Wyatt:
Was your life not working when you let that slip out from under you?

Meredith:
Okay, when are you going to stop suggesting that I'm suicidal?

Dr. Wyatt:
When you start acting like somebody that wants to be alive.

Meredith:
Give me my chart.

Dr. Wyatt:
Why?

Meredith:
Because I'm not suicidal, and if it says that, then it's wrong.

Dr. Wyatt:
What happened last year when you fell in the water?

Meredith:
I almost drowned. Do you think I did that for kicks?

Dr. Wyatt:
You put your hand in a body cavity that contained unexploded ordinance.

Meredith:
I was trying to save a patient!

Dr. Wyatt:
Why is it that every other person in that room had the sense to hit the deck? You know, people run away from this line between life and death. You seem to stand on it and wait for a strong wind to sway you one way or the other. You're careless with your life. You're not slitting your wrists, but you're careless. Probably because your mother told you you were a waste of space on this planet. The problem is you believed her. And if you don't watch out, one of these days you're going to die because of it.

Meredith:
Hand me my chart. Now! And don't ever talk about my mother again.

Meredith:
[voiceover] Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't. In the face of all we can lose in a day, in an instant, wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it together.

Meredith:
[walks into Dr. Wyatt's office and sits down] My mom tried to kill herself, when I was a kid, after the love of her life disappeared. I never told anybody that before. Okay, so, you think I'm broken? Fix me. 'Cause I'm no quitter. Let's go!

Meredith:
[voiceover] My mother used to say that for a surgeon a day without death is a rare gift. Every day we face death, every day we lose life. And every day we're hoping for a stay of execution. We are attached to death. Chained, like prisoners. Captives.

Mark:
I tried to change, turn over a new leaf. But the leaf isn't turning.

Webber:
You weren't ready to change. And that's okay. Adele wanted me to change, to retire. Well, I'm still the chief and this weekend, I'm moving back home.

Derek:
Does Adele know that?

Webber:
Oh, she'll be fine. She was wrong. I was right. And now we're––

Mark:
Doing it like bunnies. [mutters to himself] I can't change. I can't change. I can't change.

Webber:
Be who you are. I am who I am. A man.

Mark:
A man. [Derek shakes his head in amusement] I have a way about me. A man who is who he is. I have a right to be that man.

Derek:
[shakes his head] Tsk. I'm not gonna say anything. No judgement. [looks at Mark] The man you are: you slept with my wife. [looks at Richard] And you: you've been on my land for six months. But I've got no judgement.

Webber:
[to Erica] Yang flew solo, you should be celebrating, because that means you're doing your job. Teaching her how to save a life. Residents are like puppies, eager and enthusiastic, and you need to learn how to teach without crushing their spirit. Now you want to work here with my residents, then you need to do better. You need to be a better teacher.

Adele:
Richard?

Webber:
I want to come home.

Adele:
Richard...

Webber:
I am a good man. I'm a good man. Look, I spend my days being a good man for the hospital, for my residents, for my patients. I'm a good man who made one mistake with a woman twenty years ago. And I'm a good man for everybody but you, I know that. Don't you think I know that? But I am a good man. And I am your husband. And I love you. Now I am not asking you to come home. I'm telling you. I am your husband. And I want to come home to my wife.

[Webber stops for a moment, with a sense of resignation begins to turn]

Adele:
Well, it's about time.

[They kiss.]

[Meredith has created the outline of a house out of candles]

Meredith:
Stupid, corny, idiotic, I cannot believe I did this. Stupid, loser, son of a... I could be at home instead of, ugh, stupid brain man...

Derek:
Meredith.

Meredith:
Where have you been?! I've been waiting and waiting for you! And I did this stupid, embarrassing, humiliating, corny thing. And I was just gonna tell you that, this over here is our kitchen, and this is our living room, and over there that's the room where our kids could play. I had this whole thing about I was gonna build us a house, but I don't build houses because I'm a surgeon! And now I'm here feeling like a lame ass loser. I got all whole and healed and you don't show up. And now it's all ruined because you took so long to come home! And I couldn't even find that bottle of champagne.

[Derek holds up the bottle, shows it to her and smiles]

Derek:
This the kitchen? Living room? - a little small. I think the view's much better from here. And that's the room where the kids are going to play? Where's our bedroom?

Meredith:
I'm still mad at you and I don't know if I trust you, I wanna trust you, but I don't know if I do. So I'm just gonna try, I'm gonna try and trust you. Because I believe that, we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart and I wanna be... [They kiss]

Derek:
I have to go.

Meredith:
What?

Derek:
In order to kiss you the way I wanna kiss you, and in order to do more than kiss you, I need to speak to Rose. I want my conscience clear so I can do more than kiss you. Stay here, don't move, wait for me.