Hogan's Heroes, Season 2

Hogan:
Let's face it Klink, you blew the ball game!

Klink:
You're right Hogan, I blew it.

Hogan:
Sweetest setup in the whole German Army, and you wanted to be a general!

Klink:
Hogan, every man in my class has made general!

Hogan:
How many have been killed in action?

Klink:
Quite a few.

Hogan:
How many have been shot by the Führer?

Klink:
Quite a few more.

Colonel Klink:
Yesterday, I was only worried about the Russian front, today it looks like paradise. Hogan, what am I going to do?

Colonel Hogan:
Put your fingers in your ears.

Colonel Klink:
What was that?!

Colonel Hogan:
Sounded like a staff car blowing up.

Colonel Hogan:
Coincidence, another staff car blowing up."

Colonel Klink:
You knew those cars were going to blow up! How?

Colonel Hogan:
It's obvious sir, the Wehrmacht and Gestapo double-crossed each other.

Colonel Klink:
Do you expect me to believe that?

Colonel Hogan:
No sir, but it'll look neater in your report to Berlin.

[Col. Backscheider of the Gestapo and two agents, Muller and Sonntag, kick in the door of Hogan's hotel room]

Backscheider:
You will consider yourself under arrest.

Hogan:
Champagne?

Backscheider:
I will question you here. If your answers are not satisfactory, you will be taken to where the atmosphere is more conductible to getting at the truth.

Hogan:
That sounds fair.

Backscheider:
I am not concerned with being fair. Muller, Sonntag.

[Backscheider's men begin to search the hotel room]

Hogan:
Are you sure you won't have some champagne?

Backscheider:
Research done by the Third Reich shows that champagne shrivels the Achilles tendons.

Hogan:
Really?

Backscheider:
The French foot soldier was only able to march seven-tenths of a mile... before collapsing.

Hogan:
Poor devils.

Backscheider:
I think it has attacked your brain. You are obviously an American, yet you openly rent a large suite in the best hotel in Paris, in the middle of a war... almost inviting a call from the Gestapo!

Hogan:
You were very prompt. My congratulations.

Backscheider:
[Frowns, puzzled] You wanted a call from the Gestapo?

[Hogan has convinced Backscheider he is actually Sgt. Frank Derkin, an escaped POW-turned-black market dealer; they are talking in Backscheider's office]

Hogan:
Look... I was able to get a good deal on some caviar. I could arrange to cut you in if you could help transport it to Paris.

Backscheider:
Every inch of carloading is needed for the German war effort!

Hogan:
You were in for fifty percent.

Backscheider:
[Surprised] I will see what I can do.

[Backscheider, distrustful of 'Derkin', has bugged the hotel room phone]

Hogan:
Derkin here.

Newkirk:
[As Himmler]My dear Derkin! This is Heinrich Himmler, how are you?

[In another room, the Gestapo men stiffen in fear; as Reichsfuehrer-SS Himmler was one of the most feared men in Nazi Germany]

Hogan:
Oh, fine, just fine. You enjoyed the caviar? Oh, I'm glad. Hey, I was able to get a special deal for you- about three tons. Ah, we can talk about that when you get here.

Newkirk:
Yes... I will be arriving tomorrow morning, about 10. By fighter plane. Don't trust my pilot. Ja, there has been too many 'accidents' on our transports.

Hogan:
Inhuman! I'll meet you at the airport, about 10. Oh, and, uh, about Colonel Backscheider...

Newkirk:
What about him?

Hogan:
Oh, I put my foot in it. I mentioned you were coming to Paris, but I didn't tell him when.

Newkirk:
Tell him nothing! If he has one single ounce of brains- which I doubt- he will find out that I'm coming in. Und be at the airport with his entire staff lined up in review. And if not- eh! One more bungler down the well.

Hogan:
Oh, I'm really sure he'll be there. I'll meet you at the airport tomorrow. Oh, and thanks for the call, Heinrich.

[In another room, Backscheider puts down the listening device's headphones]

Backscheider:
He called him Heinrich!

[At Gestapo headquarters, Antonovitch, a White Russian acting as Himmler, is touring the cells; on Backscheider's orders, Muller is trying to stall for time]

Muller:
Herr Reichsfuehrer, if we only wait until Colonel Backscheider gets back...

Antonovitch:
He is on the way?

Muller:
Oh, yes, sir!

Antonovitch:
Well, hurry!

[As the group passes by Klink's cell, Klink addresses Muller and spots Hogan, who quickly moves out of sight]

Col. Klink:
Oh, Captain Muller, excuse me... Colonel Hogan? I thought I saw Colonel Hogan.

[Antonovitch is now standing directly in front of Klink's cell]

Antonovitch:
Do I look like a 'Colonel Hogan'?

Col. Klink:
Oh, no, sir! Not at all! It's just that since I've been to Paris, I seem to only see and hear... [Laughs nervously, then looks to Muller] This wouldn't be Reichsfuehrer Himmler! [Looks back to 'Himmler', suddenly very nervous] Would it?

Antonovitch:
Who is this man?

Muller:
Ex-Commandant Klink, your excellency, from Stalag 13. Suspected of complicity in the Tiger matter.

Col. Klink:
Your excellency, I am completely innocent! All I've done- with the exception of some harmless delusions- all I've done is come to Paris on my seven-day leave and never had such misery, sir. Never.

Antonovitch:
When is your leave up?

Col. Klink:
Tomorrow, sir!

Antonovitch:
[To Muller] Let him out.

Col. Klink:
Oh, thank you, sir! Your reputation for generosity and fairness-

Muller:
Let him out?!

Antonovitch:
Tomorrow.

Burkhalter:
Disloyalty? No. Stupidity, yes.

Col. Klink:
[Standing outside the closed office door] Your excellency, I had no idea! A promotion? To Berlin?!

Carter:
[As Hitler] You still have no idea. Listen carefully. In my inner circle I can trust no one. Himmler will double-cross me like a shot, Goebbels' eyes are too close together, and Goering is too fat! Never trust a fat man, Klink!

Col. Klink:
Indeed, your excellency! Never trust a fat man!

Carter:
But I am getting tired of my burden. There is no gratitude. In a few weeks, I will appoint a successor. The one man in the whole miserable Third Reich who has proven worthy of my trust! YOU, Klink!

Col. Klink:
Your excellency. I will try to be worthy of it! Heil Hitler!

[Major Hochstetter returns to Stalag 13, demanding that Klink surrender the man in hiding. For possibly the first time, Klink is entirely sure of himself]

Major Hochstetter:
Well, now, Klink, are you ready to hand him over to me?

Colonel Klink:
Major Hochstetter! A new order is coming, a new order! One which will sweep vermin like you into the delousing station of history!

Colonel Klink:
You are under arrest. Schultz!

Major Hochstetter:
You are mad, Klink!

Col. Klink:
Take him away!

[The men are about to get Schultz to parachute out of an airborne German bomber.]

Schultz:
: Colonel Hogan! I'm too old to parachute-jump!

Hogan:
: Never too old, Schultz. Come on.

Schultz:
: Colonel Hogan! I'm too big to parachute-jump!

Hogan:
: Now there you have a point.

[Carter and Newkirk, disguised as POW camp commandants Bussie and Burmeister, have broken into General Burkhalter's quarters and are threatening to shoot him. General Burkhalter, terrified, is trying to stall them.]

Burkhalter:
This is all so unnecessary! I was thinking of retiring! I was just saying to Hilda, that who would succeed me, but one of you two? My dearest friends!

Newkirk:
What of Klink?

Burkhalter:
Forget him! He's to be shot! I never could stand the man!

Klink:
[Outside] Burmeister! Bussie! You're surrounded! Come out with your hands up!

Burkhalter:
What a wonderful friend!

Hogan:
That's two shots; they killed themselves. Come on.

Schultz:
Colonel Hogan, if they are dead, what is the hurry?

LeBeau:
I say we do it to him before he does it to us.

Newkirk:
Right. Knock him off.

Hogan:
Hey, you can't just go around knocking off German officers; the ones that're left start asking embarrassing questions.

Klink:
Now, Schultz, I want you to treat me as you would any private under your command. Understood?

Schultz:
Understood.

Klink:
I don't want any special favors, any special treatment, any-

Schultz:
You are a private?

Klink:
Yes, I am.

Schultz:
Shut up!

Klink:
How dare you tell me-

Schultz:
Achtung! Eyes front! Put the helmet straight! Chest out, stomach in! Answer only when you're spoken to!

Klink:
Jawohl!

Schultz:
Jawohl, what?

Klink:
Jawohl, Herr Feldwebel!

Schultz:
That's better! About face! Fall in with the rest of them, you dummkopf! [Klink falls in with the other guards; Schultz turns to Hogan blissfully] Oh, it feels so good!

SS-Major Hagel:
There's a barn on this road, two kilometers beyond the town. Be there two nights from tonight with the diamonds.

Hogan:
And if we fail?

SS-Major Hagel:
I will come to Stalag 13 and shoot you and your men.

Hogan:
How would you justify that?

SS-Major Hagel:
Oh, I'll think of something at the last minute.

Hogan:
Hagel, you're a real fun person.

SS-Major Hagel:
Whether you live or die is entirely up to you.

Hogan:
And Colonel Klink. We're still his prisoners. You'll have to shoot him, too, and take over the camp.

SS-Major Hagel:
That'll take at least another ten minutes.

Kinchloe:
Colonel Hogan, in response from London concerning your request for $1 million dollars worth of diamonds: Quote: "Are you nuts?" Unquote.

Klink:
Repoooort!

Schultz:
Herr Kommandant, all present and accounted for.

Klink:
Good. Now, men, I have a very important announcement to make.

Newkirk:
Hey, they're gonna surrender!

LeBeau:
Good move!

Carter:
Hey, the Krauts are gonna surrender!

Prisoner:
Who told you?

Carter:
I just heard it!

[The prisoners all cheer and applaud.]

Klink:
Colonel Hogan, control your men!

Hogan:
I can't, sir, the news of your surrender is-

Klink:
Who said anything about a surrender?

Hogan:
You did.

Klink:
When?

Hogan:
Just now, you used the word yourself.

Klink:
Only to deny it!

Hogan:
Well, I had to start somewhere.

Klink:
Silence!

Hogan:
Okay, men, the surrender's off!

[The prisoners boo.]

Klink:
Now I've just had word that General Stauffen of the Fuehrer's headquarters will personally visit Stalag 13. I expect every prisoner in this camp to clean up and look neat.

Newkirk:
Can't do it. Somebody stole me mascara brush!

General Stauffen:
Hogan, you saved my life, and our cause. How can I thank you?

Hogan:
When you see Hitler, make sure your meeting goes over with a bang.

Schultz:
There's a new general in command of the military district. Tomorrow, he will be here for inspection.

Hogan:
I can hardly wait.

Schultz:
The orders are to clean up the barracks-

[The prisoners join in sarcastically]

Schultz, Newkirk, LeBeau, Carter, Kinchloe:
-Clean up the compound, and clean up yourself!

Col. Franz:
General, what is it?

General Kammler:
Are my eyes deceiving me? No, it couldn't be- [Turns to Klink] That sergeant standing over there-?

Col. Klink:
You mean Schultz?

General Kammler:
It is! Hans!

Schultz:
Can it be? Ach, du lieber! Lieutenant Kammler!

General Kammler:
How good to see you!

Schultz:
Oh, Lieutenant! Ah, you are a General!

General Kammler:
Yes, yes, and you are a sergeant- well, Germany makes lots of mistakes.

Schultz:
No mistake. You were always a very bright boy!

General Kammler:
We fought together in the first war. At the Ardennes, and at Ypres. I was just a young lieutenant; I didn't know anything at all. Schultz saved my life.

Col. Franz:
Charming!

Col. Klink:
Yes, yes. Charming.

General Kammler:
And here we are, Hans, two German soldiers fighting another war!

Schultz:
Keeps us out of trouble!

Hogan:
All right, look. Orders from London are to hide you until the Krauts stop looking for you. Then we'll smuggle you to England.

Sparrow:
Four men. Is it possible?

Hogan:
No, but we'll do it anyway. First thing is to get you into Stalag 13.

Sparrow:
You hide us in a prisoner of war camp?

Hogan:
We're the only motel for miles around.

Klink:
Ha! How did you know it was a new code book?

Hogan:
You wouldn't be so upset if it was an old code book. Now, be honest; would you?

Klink:
No, I suppose not.

[During an Allied bombing raid]

Woman:
Liebchen, when you kiss me, the ground shakes.

Newkirk:
Either you've got it or you haven't.

Schultz:
I know nothing! Sometimes I even forget who we are fighting.

Klink:
I don't care what you do with it just get building 12 ready for these officers!

Schultz:
Jawohl Herr Kommandant! [Opens office door.] Beer is not important?

Hogan:
Any questions? [Nearly every POW in the room raises his hand.] Glad it's all clear.

[General Burkhalter arrives at Stalag 13 as Carter is impersonating Adolf Hitler.]

Klink:
Ah, General Burkhalter, you're just in time! The Fuehrer has just made a surprise visit to Stalag 13!

General Burkhalter:
The Fuehrer, here?

Klink:
And in an excellent mood!

General Burkhalter:
I must greet him at once!

[Burkhalter eagerly goes to greet "Hitler" but halts as he notices what he is saying.]

Carter:
I would have won the war a long time ago if it wasn't for my generals! All they do is eat, and have good times!

Hogan:
Really?

Carter:
Ja. I have one general who looks like a stuffed goose! But believe me, one day, the goose will hang high, BY HIS EARS!

General Burkhalter:
On second thought, perhaps I will see the Fuehrer some other time.

Carter:
[as Hitler] Everything I do is a surprise, even to me!

Schultz:
LeBeau! Wake up, LeBeau!

LeBeau:
I'm sleeping. Come back in an hour.

Schultz:
An hour?! Are you crazy? You're an escaped prisoner, let's go!

General von Lintzer:
I think it only fair to tell you that I employ somewhat different tactics than Lieutenant Klink!

Klink:
Colonel Klink.

General von Lintzer:
Don't bet on it!

General von Lintzer:
Colonel Hogan, I must congratulate you on your honesty. The reconnaissance flight verified the new factory near Leadingham.

Hogan:
You sure know how to rub it in, General.

General von Lintzer:
And tonight, the new factory will be reduced to rubble. I personally will lead the bombing mission.

Klink:
And of course everyone knows that the General is one of our finest pilots! By the way, General, when you go to Berlin, you'll mention my name? Say a few words here and there.

General von Lintzer:
Words? I believe I will put in a few words. "Negligence, inefficiency, irresponsibility, stupidity". As soon as I get back from the raid, I will take care of you.

[Von Lintzer gets in his staff car and leaves.]

Hogan:
Hm. I heard that in school, von Lintzer was your dearest friend.

Klink:
Ja, ja. Ja.

Hogan:
You would've been better off with an enemy.

Major Kohler:
Sir. May I ask...

General Burkhalter:
Yes.

Major Kohler:
Do you actually suspect Klink of disloyalty?

General Burkhalter:
Disloyalty? No. Stupidity, yes.

Colonel Klink:
Those staff officers, they are so clever.

General Burkhalter:
Klink! I am a staff officer!

Colonel Klink:
I didn't mean you, sir; you're not clever. [Burkhalter glares at him.] You're clever, sir! You're clever!

General Burkhalter:
Shut up, Klink.

Hogan:
Be careful if you run into any patrols. He speaks German like a native, which he is.

RAF Captain:
I believe I have a solution. [Puts his pistol to Schmidt's head.]

Hogan:
Good show, old boy.

Hogan:
Carter, will you watch it?

Carter:
Sorry, I'm not too good with ears.

Hogan:
If you don't mind, I've gotten used to having one on each side of my head!

Colonel Klink:
Oh, what an unexpected pleasure, Herr General!

General Burkhalter:
Actually, I had no intention of stopping here. But there was a bombing attack on the road that started me thinking-

Colonel Klink:
Oh, what a brilliant idea! Now only a man of your experience could-

General Burkhalter:
[Smiles] Klink? Shut up and let me finish.

Colonel Klink:
Of course Herr General. Excuse me.

General Burkhalter:
I suppose you are curious about that. [Gestures to the flat rectangular box his men brought in.]

Colonel Klink:
Well, naturally, I-

General Burkhalter:
It's a gift.

Colonel Klink:
Thank you, Herr General! Thank you very much!

General Burkhalter:
It's not for you.

Colonel Klink:
Really? What a marvelous sense of humor.

General Burkhalter:
I've just been to Paris on military business.

Colonel Klink:
Of course, of course.

General Burkhalter:
While I was there, I realized that Goering's birthday is only a few weeks away!

Colonel Klink:
Oh, yes, sir, I know, I have the date right here in my calendar!

General Burkhalter:
You would.

[Sergeant Schultz, pretending to be a general in the German Army, is covering for Hogan, LeBeau, Suzette and Verlaine while two Gestapo officers attempt to search the Paris apartment.]

Sergeant Schultz:
How dare you come here, and disturb a general of the Third Reich.

1st Gestapo Man:
Only doing our duty, sir. We had no idea that you were-

Schultz:
Oh, you- you had no idea. You didn't know that a general might want to spend an afternoon with his, uh, with his, uh-

Suzette:
Niece.

Schultz:
Niece. Thank you, darling.

1st Gestapo Man:
I assure you, General, we had no intention of intruding upon your privacy.

Schultz:
No. You didn't! Should it ever happen again, I will report you to your superior officer, and then to his superior officer, and then even to his superior officer! I will report it all the way up, until it comes back to me! And if I ever... report it to myself... [Growls] Are you going to be in trouble.

[The two Gestapo men hurry for the door and leave.]

Suzette:
They have gone!

Schultz:
They did? Why did you let them go?!

General Burkhalter:
Gentlemen, this is most embarrassing. In broad daylight-

Colonel Klink:
I still think we should send a squad to look-

General Burkhalter:
Shut up, Klink. Right in the middle of Germany.

German General:
And not a trace of him!

Colonel Klink:
Well, this never would've happened had I-

General Burkhalter:
Klink! He could be anywhere by now.

Colonel Klink:
Yes, Herr General. But, General, may I suggest-

General Burkhalter:
Be careful you don't suggest yourself all the way to the Russian Front!

Field Marshal von Heinke:
I order you to make immediate arrangements for my exchange! Those are my orders. Carry them out.

Colonel Klink:
Such a loud signal! The English must have an excellent transmitter.

General Burkhalter:
[Glares at Klink] We have an excellent receiver.

Hogan:
That was Field Marshal von Heinke. May we have your reply immediately?

General Burkhalter:
I guess we have no choice.

Colonel Klink:
That voice. I have heard it somewhere before.

General Burkhalter:
Certainly, dummkopf! That's von Heinke!

Colonel Klink:
No, Herr General, the other voice. Hogan... that's Hogan! One of my prisoners, right here! [In the barracks, Carter hears Klink through a listening device and hands it to Hogan, who hurries over to the camp office.] Now, gentlemen, I am convinced something is wrong. General Burkhalter, with all due respect to you, I think this may be a false message.

General Burkhalter:
A false message?

[Behind them, Hogan comes into the camp office and sits down.]

Colonel Klink:
Now, it would take me just one minute to find- [Turns around and sees Hogan.] Hogan!

Hogan:
Yes?

General Burkhalter:
You thought he was on the radio?

Colonel Klink:
What are you doing here?

Hogan:
Sergeant Schultz told me one of our planes was missing.

Colonel Klink:
General, I still think it is possible that the message on the radio was not the genuine article.

[Just then, Newkirk, doing an impression of Prime Minister Winston Churchill, begins speaking from the radio.]

Newkirk:
Generals of the Third Reich, this is the Prime Minister speaking. We offer you this exchange in the full expectation for you to reply in an honourable manner. We in turn, will fulfill our part of the bargain. We await your immediate reply in order that we may speedily affect this arrangement to our mutual satisfaction.

General Burkhalter:
Inform Communications... we accept. [looks at Klink] Unless, Klink, you thought that was Hogan, too?

Newkirk:
So that's the setup, General. Maybe I shouldn't speak up like this, but, well, I just wanted you to know how we all feel about Colonel Hogan. And you can't put me in jail for it 'cause legally speakin' I'm in jail already.

Colonel Klink:
Do you not find it strange that a captured enemy airplane can disappear, and then reappear?

Hogan:
Well, it has been very windy, sir.

Klink:
Now, Hogan, I want you to know that this will not go unpunished. Right, Schultz? [Schultz isn't paying attention] Right, Schultz?!

Schultz:
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant! Someone will be punished!

Klink:
The one who is responsible, right, Schultz?

Schultz:
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant, the one who is responsible!

Klink:
The one who is to see to it that lights out are at the proper time. Right, Schultz?

Schultz:
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant, the one who is to see to it... [Realizes] that lights out...

Klink:
I'll take your three-day pass now.

Newkirk:
Any reason for this particular bank, sir?

Hogan:
Yeah. It's the only one in town.

[A group of Waffen-SS officers, led by SS-Colonel Deutsch, have arrived at Stalag 13.]

Kinchloe:
What would they be doing here?

Hogan:
Maybe they came to capture us again. Very thorough, the Germans.

SS-Colonel Deutsch:
I never worry about prisoners. I never take any.

Klink:
You don't?

SS-Colonel Deutsch:
I like my enemy only one way: dead.

[Deutsch takes a stielhandgranate from one of his men.]

Klink:
Colonel! What are you doing?!

[Ignoring Klink, Deutsch throws the grenade at the formation of prisoners, who all dive for cover except for Hogan, who doesn't move. He calmly picks up the grenade and walks up to Deutsch with it.]

Hogan:
Oh, Colonel, you seem to have dropped something.

SS-Colonel Deutsch:
My compliments, Colonel. Tell me, how did you know it was a blank?

Hogan:
Easy. For a live grenade, you would've been the first to run. You see, both you and I know you're not a member of a super race.

SS-Colonel Deutsch:
After our war games, I shall teach you respect for the SS!

Hogan:
I doubt it.

Schultz:
This place is finally getting to you.

Newkirk:
Nea-ha-ha-ha! Whatever gave you that idea, Schultz?

Klink:
Now, Hogan, who is this woman?!

Hogan:
I have no idea.

Schultz:
I don't know, either.

Klink:
I didn't ask you!

Schultz:
I thought you might like to know.

Klink:
Silence!

Hogan:
Carter, pull over in case that laboratory wants to pass us.

Carter:
Oh, it's not gonna pass us. It's gonna go straight up. See, with that kinda structure, the-

Hogan:
Carter, forget it, forget it. Keep driving.

General Burkhalter:
Klink? Shut up and listen.

Klink:
Yes, sir. Shut up and listen.

Klink:
Now, with all due respect to Captain Kurz, General, I am not in in need of an adjutant.

General Burkhalter:
The Captain is a very able man.

Klink:
Oh, I'm sure that he is, but that doesn't change my feelings!

General Burkhalter:
And he's also my brother-in-law.

Klink:
Oh, your brother in law. By marriage?

General Burkhalter:
Yes, that's the usual way.

[Newkirk is going out through the perimeter fence wire at night; a machine gun team is waiting for him. They open fire, shooting the ground in front of him. Newkirk stands up and raises his hands.]

Newkirk:
Kamerad! Kamerad!

Captain Kurz:
You are under arrest!

Newkirk:
Yes, sir! As you can see, my hands are in the basic "Kamerad" position!

[The alarm has been sounded, and Schultz is leading a guard detail outside the camp after Klink announces an Allied pilot has been shot down nearby.]

LeBeau:
What do you think, Colonel?

Hogan:
I think for a big man, Schultz moves pretty fast.

Major Hochstetter:
(Said many times) Who is this man?!

General Burkhalter:
This is Colonel Stieffer of the SS. He has a special assignment for you.

Klink:
A pleasure, Colonel. A real pleasure. Whatever I can do for the SS will be a real privilege. And I am deeply moved by being chosen for this task! I know that this handshake will be the beginning of a long and lasting friendship!

SS-Colonel Stieffer:
The SS has no friends.

Klink:
Yes, sir, I think you've got a good idea on that. After all, when you add what you spend on dinner parties, luncheons, gifts- who needs the expense of friendship, when a little hatred doesn't cost you a cent?

General Burkhalter:
Let Colonel Stieffer talk for a change.

Klink:
Yes, sir. Schutltz! Not another word out of you until the Colonel is finished.

SS-Colonel Stieffer:
We have a very special prisoner we're turning over to you. And we expect you to make sure he doesn't escape.

Klink:
Sir, I can assure you, no one has ever escaped from Stalag 13.

SS-Colonel Stieffer:
So far he's escaped from nine of your camps since his capture.

Klink:
Well, he won't be leaving here so easily!

General Burkhalter:
If he does, you will be leaving yourself. Carrying snow shoes and a Russian road map!

Klink:
Hogan, we all make mistakes. No one is perfect! [Hogan glances at a framed picture of Adolf Hitler on the wall.] Except him, of course.