Ranma ½

Genma:
How to prove it...? I know! [Throws Ranma into a koi pond.]

Ranma:
(now female) What'd you do that for?!

Genma:
You sound like a woman! Were you not willing to give your life for your training?

Ranma:
My life, yes. [Kicks Genma into the koi pond] My manhood is another story!

Ranma:
By the way, I noticed that you took a pretty good look at me, too. Besides, it's no big deal for me to see a naked girl. I mean, I've seen myself plenty of times, right? And I'm better built to boot. [Laughs.]

[Akane hits Ranma with the table, out of anger.]

Genma:
Now that, he had coming.

Ranma:
I'm going to a drugstore in China to buy shampoo formula #911.

Nabiki:
Buy me something while you're there.

Kasumi:
I'd like some oolong tea.

Genma:
How about some Grecian formula?

Soun:
I could use some cigarettes.

Ranma:
[In the "Cursed Tunnel of Lost Love" after Akane scolds him for not seeing the ghosts that are scaring her] Jeez, you don't have to make a big production out of it. Why don't you just come out and say it (*doing his best Akane imitation*) "EEK, Ranma, I'm scared of ghosts. Ranma!" Why can't you be honest?

Akane:
Here I am practically having a heart-attack while you [uppercuts Ranma], while you make stupid jokes.

Ranma:
Aaah!

Akane:
Can't you tell I'm being serious?

Ranma:
Talk about being stupid! There's no such thing as ghosts!

[A ghostly apparition of Kodachi appears.]

Kodachi:
Ahhhh, Ranma-darling!

Ranma:
YAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Kodachi:
[the "apparition" is revealed to be the real Kodachi, with Sasuke shining a flashlight under her chin; Ranma tries to run but Kodachi grabs a hold of his shirt] Oh, Ranma-darling, I'm ever so frightened of the spooky-ooky dark! You will walk me to the exit, won't you, darling?

Ranma:
[trying to escape Kodachi] No ghost is spookier than her!!!

[Kasumi is sick in bed and unable to cook breakfast.]

Akane:
Don't worry, Kasumi! I'll take care of absolutely everything!

Genma:
Let's go, Ranma!

Ranma:
Yes sir!

[Genma and Ranma strap on their backpacks and prepare to leave. Akane blocks their way.]

Akane:
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

Ranma:
Isn't it obvious? We're going to a place far, far away where your cooking can't hurt us.

Akane:
Is that right? [attacks Ranma] DIE RANMA!!!!!!!!

Kasumi:
Papa, let me... [starts coughing]

Soun:
[teary-eyed] Kasumi, we appreciate your sacrifice, but you need your rest!

Akane:
[to Ranma] You haven't even tried it!

Ranma:
I don't have to eat it to know it's toxic.

Ryoga:
I’ll rip your stupid head off!

Ranma:
Alright! Thanks, Ryoga! I owe you one!

[Ranma is hurling insults at Akane in an attempt to restore her memory of him. From the episode Shampoo's Revenge! The Shiatsu Technique That Steals Heart and Soul!]

Ranma:
You are just so uncute!

[Akane suddenly starts and looks shocked, as though she'd just remembered something she'd forgotten]

Soun:
That's it! Ranma, do it again!

Ranma:
You're uncute!

Soun:
Whoa, now she's responding! Ranma, try making the words even stronger. Somewhere in her heart the words are having an effect!

Ranma:
Now that's something I'm good at! Built like a stick! Your face makes me sick! Talks like a hick! Can't even kick! Dumb as a brick! Hair's a cowlick! You itch like a tick! Thighs are too thick!

Akane:
Ranma, you JERK!

Nabiki:
[on Genma] Don't worry, Dad - the only young girls HE could fool are the ones who take their teeth out at bedtime!

Kasumi:
That's rude, Nabiki!

Nabiki:
[grinning sheepishly] Thorry.

Kasumi:
False teeth are NOT something to joke about.

Ranma:
You sold me for one crummy little stinkin' fish, huh?!

Genma:
He also threw in the rice and two pickles... hehe... ugh!

Ranma:
What kind of father are you?!

[Ranma falls into Koi pond]

Shampoo:
Girl Ranma! I kill!

Ranma:
Hey! Wait a minute!! [Runs away from Shampoo, Shampoo chases after]

Soun:
When he's a boy, she wants him. When he's a girl, she wants him dead....

[Ranma-chan forced to wear Akane's Clothes]

Kasumi:
Well Ranma, how's the shirt?

Ranma:
Too tight! Look at this, it pinches my chest!

[Akane becomes visibly angry.]

Nabiki:
How about the pants?

Ranma:
Too baggy!!

Kasumi and Nabiki:
Uh-Oh...

Akane:
DIE RANMA!!!!!!!!!

[Akane proceeds to hit Ranma on the head]

Ranma:
Hey! Cut it out stupid!

Kasumi:
Girls, Girls let's not fight.

Ranma:
I told you I'm a guy.

[After hitting his head against a rock in the koi pond, Ranma not only turned into a girl, but now thinks he really is a girl. From the episode, Am I... Pretty? Ranma's Declaration of Womanhood.]

Kasumi:
[holds up 3 fingers] Ranma dear, how many fingers?

Ranma:
Three fingers!

Kasumi:
[points to Soun] Do you know who this person is?

Ranma:
My dear Uncle Tendo!

Kasumi:
[points to Genma, in human form] And this is?

Ranma:
Octopus Face!

Kasumi:
[points to Happosai] Good, and him?

Ranma:
An Oompa-Loompa!

Kasumi:
[giggling] She seems perfectly normal!

[Akane accidently hits Ranma in the face with a baseball due to him not paying attention. They go to Dr. Tofu's to get the wound treated]

Ranma:
Man, you mean she even hits a ball like a savage?!

Akane:
What?! It was your fault for not paying attention!

Dr. Tofu:
[looks awkward] Well..you mean Akane did hit that ball?

Akane:
Rrrrrr...!

Dr. Tofu:
...I was just joking. But so what, eh? What's wrong with being active?

Ranma:
Macho.

Akane:
But...but...

Dr. Tofu:
It just means you're healthy!

Ranma:
Or sexless.

Akane:
[turns to Ranma] Would you...SHUT UP!

Ranma:
[meeting Inuyasha in the 2008 "It's a Rumic World" short] What hot spring in Jusenkyo did you fall into? And those ears look so familiar... [thinks back on P-Chan, Genma in panda form, and Shampoo in cat form]

Inuyasha:
Your voice is like mine... [a reference to both male Ranma and Inuyasha having the same seiyuu, Yamaguchi Kappei]

Ranma:
Hmmm?

Ataru Moroboshi of Urusei Yatsura throws a bucket of water on Ranma and changes him into a girl.]

Ranma

[now female] WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!!

Ataru:
[idles up close to Ranma] This way is better, so I can see your beautiful face! [glomps girl Ranma and begins to fondle "her" breasts] Oh, you are so sexy, sexy, sexy!!!

[Akane has just baked animal-shaped cookies in her Home Economics class.]

Kuno:
It is said that for a woman, true happiness can only be found in cooking for her beloved. Akane Tendo... [rushing at Akane as her friends scream] ALLOW ME TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!!

[Ranma does a jumping move and lands on Kuno's head, knocking him to the ground.]

Ranma:
I'd think again, seeing as how her cooking probably killed better men than you.

Akane:
Rrrrgh... [clobbers Ranma with the fire extinguisher] Maybe they won't be good... but AT LEAST TRY ONE!!!

[Ranma takes one of Akane's cookies and examines it quizzically]

Akane:
Aren't they cute? They're animal crackers.

Ranma:
These are animals? ... [begins examining Akane's cookies one by one] An octopus?

Akane:
Stupid! It's a penguin!

Ranma:
A hermit crab?

Akane:
It's a lion.

Ranma:
It's a water flea!

Akane:
A rabbit!!

Ranma:
Loch Ness Monster!

Akane:
A swan!

Ranma:
A Power Ranger!

Akane:
A raccoon! [actually a tanuki but rendered as a "raccoon" in the English dub]

Ranma:
A salamander!

Akane:
Alligator!!!

Ranma:
I know, a platypus!

Akane:
A KOALA!!!!!!!!!!!

[A flashback scene. Ukyo is telling the story of how Tsubasa has stalked her since they went to the same boys' school.]

Tsubasa:
[offers Ukyo a handful of gifts] Dear, dear Ukyo, here.

Ukyo:
Tsubasa, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but... I've already got a fiancee!

Ukyo's Voice (echoing):
Fiancee!... Fiancee!...

Tsubasa:
Oh! [begins to weep]

[Back to the present day - Ranma-chan and Akane are eating okonomiyaki at Ucchan's while Ukyo tells them the story. Suddenly, Tsubasa, inside a garbage can, whirls into the restaurant and slams Ranma-chan down onto Ukyo's grill face first.]

Ranma:
OW!! That's hot!

Tsubasa:
[speaking into microphone] But rejection only spurred me on. I started sending Ukyo letter after letter, until the skies were filled with pretty pink envelopes.

Ukyo:
I needed some way to get me off easily, so that's when I thought of sending your picture, Ranma.

Akane:
Which picture of Ranma did you send?

Ukyo:
The girl Ranma, of course. What did you think? Tsubasa thought I was a boy, remember? I didn't want anyone to think I was a pervert.

Akane:
(impersonating Shampoo) Ranma belong to me.(impersonating Kodachi) Ranma-darling will spend Xmas with me, ho ho ho. (impersonating Ukyo) Ranma-honey is mine. (normal voice) You're all so selfish. Cut it out! Sorry, but Ranma will never spend Xmas Eve with any of you!

Ukyo:
What?

Kodachi:
My!

Shampoo:
Akane, you have fever?

Akane:
I don't have a fever! Ranma's...Ranma's...! Ranma's spending Xmas Eve with me!

Ranma:
Hey Akane!

Akane:
Ranma?

Ranma:
I have Christmas presents for ya!

Akane:
Really?

Ranma:
Here you go!

Akane:
Thank you! Ranma

Ranma:
Are you crying?

Akane:
No! Let's go home 'Ranma'

Ranma:
Alright!

Akane Tendo (天道 あかね, Tendō Akane):
Dry up and die!

Akane Tendo (天道 あかね, Tendō Akane):
I hate boys! I really, really, really hate boys!!

Akane Tendo (天道 あかね, Tendō Akane):
Ranma, you pervert!

Akane Tendo (天道 あかね, Tendō Akane):
This is your fault.

Akane Tendo (天道 あかね, Tendō Akane):
Ranma, I can't believe that you're jealous of a pig!!

Akane Tendo (天道 あかね, Tendō Akane):
to Ranma-chan, in episode #1: I'm Akane.... You wanna be friends?

Akane Tendo (天道 あかね, Tendō Akane):
Ranma's free to date the entire student body for all I care....

Akane Tendo (天道 あかね, Tendō Akane):
You are unbelievable! Have you no sense of feminine modesty?!

Akane Tendo (天道 あかね, Tendō Akane):
Ranma, you jerk!

Akane Tendo (天道 あかね, Tendō Akane):
There, Ranma, just like you wanted: A nice kitty-cat in the face! ~Season 2, Ep. 9

Akane Tendo (天道 あかね, Tendō Akane):
Ranma!!!!(*Screamo*) Who are you calling a TOMBOY???

Genma Saotome (早乙女 玄馬, Saotome Genma):
Too bad I never read the page. Muhahahahha!

Genma Saotome (早乙女 玄馬, Saotome Genma):
Arrgh! Pandas can't talk!

Genma Saotome (早乙女 玄馬, Saotome Genma):
Hey, wait about your husband?!?

Genma Saotome (早乙女 玄馬, Saotome Genma):
They're gonna do it! Oh, are they gonna do it!

Genma Saotome (早乙女 玄馬, Saotome Genma):
Curse those evil Octupi.

Genma Saotome (早乙女 玄馬, Saotome Genma):
One bright, shiny object and your mind takes a hike!

Happosai (八宝斎, HappōSai):
What a haul! What a haul!

Happosai (八宝斎, HappōSai):
Let me have a good cry in your bosom!

Happosai (八宝斎, HappōSai):
Fool! Have you forgotten who I am? In my entire rotten life, have I ever once learned a technique that could actually help anyone?!

Happosai (八宝斎, HappōSai):
Ranma, be a girl and model this bra for me!

Kasumi Tendo (天道 かすみ, Tendō Kasumi):
Don't think badly of Akane, she's really a very sweet girl... and she's just a violent maniac.

Kasumi Tendo (天道 かすみ, Tendō Kasumi):
What good friends.

Kasumi Tendo (天道 かすみ, Tendō Kasumi):
Oh, my!

Kasumi Tendo (天道 かすみ, Tendō Kasumi):
Akane, that's enough! In this case, I'm afraid it's you who's perverted!

Kasumi Tendo (天道 かすみ, Tendō Kasumi):
Even Ranma deserves to be treated like a human being!

Kodachi Kuno (九能 小太刀, Kunō Kodachi):
OOOO-hohohohohohohohohoho!!!!!!!

Kodachi Kuno (九能 小太刀, Kunō Kodachi):
I am Kodachi, the black rose.

Kodachi Kuno (九能 小太刀, Kunō Kodachi):
attacking Akane upon their first meeting: Akane Tendo, prepare to die!

Kodachi Kuno (九能 小太刀, Kunō Kodachi):
trying to seduce Ranma: Make me your own.

Kodachi Kuno (九能 小太刀, Kunō Kodachi):
Ranma-sama! (In the English dub: "Ranma-darling" or "Ranma-sweetums" or some variation thereof)

Mousse (沐絲, MùSī or ムース, MūSu):
Enjoy it while you can, Ranma Saotome.... By the time the show's over... you'll know what it feels like to have your true love stolen by another.

Mousse (沐絲, MùSī or ムース, MūSu):
My beautiful Shampoo!

Mousse (沐絲, MùSī or ムース, MūSu):
Prepare to die!

Nabiki Tendo (天道 なびき, Tendō Nabiki):
Ranma, quit your gawking and get to class. Better get moving or you're going to be late.

Nabiki Tendo (天道 なびき, Tendō Nabiki):
referencing Akane's single-handedly taking on a rush of boys who want to date her: It's okay. She knows what she's doing. This happens every morning.

Nabiki Tendo (天道 なびき, Tendō Nabiki):
It seems I have a little business proposition for you all....

Nabiki Tendo (天道 なびき, Tendō Nabiki):
Can't blame a girl for trying to make a little cash.

Nabiki Tendo (天道 なびき, Tendō Nabiki):
I'm on the side of money.

Nabiki Tendo (天道 なびき, Tendō Nabiki):
in reference to Akane's beating Ranma at arm wrestling: You know how I despise cynicism; but I don't think Ranma's taking this well.

Nabiki Tendo (天道 なびき, Tendō Nabiki):
Don't worry, Daddy - the only young girls HE could fool are the ones who take their teeth out at bedtime!

Nabiki Tendo (天道 なびき, Tendō Nabiki):
You know what they say... it's all fun and games until someone loses their pride.

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
You are so uncute!

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
What'd ya do that for?

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
Hiryuu shoten ha!

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
Be a pal and beat me up.

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
Akane, you're a tomboy!

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
Give me that shampoo, Shampoo!

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
Yo! Mikado the molester! How's it going?

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
Akane is my fiancée! You touch her, and I'll kill you!

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
The kitty cat is coming. The kitty cat is coming.

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
I hate that little runt.

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
Listen up, numbskull. If Kasumi isn't back by dinnertime, we're gonna have to eat Akane's cooking. Get it, dimwit? We eat that, and man oh man, we're all gonna wish we'd died at sea!

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
Sleeping in Akane's bed again, eh, Mr. P?

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
hurling insults at Akane in order to restore her memory of him (episode 17): You're built like a stick! Your thighs are too thick! You're dumb as a brick! You talk like a hick! You can't even kick! Your face makes me sick! Your hair's a cow-lick! You itch like a tick!

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
Flat-chested, pig-loving, short-legged, tomboy....

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
Did you really think sealing me in concrete and burying me in the yard was even going to slow me down?!

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
Seeing that little freak run, I'd say he'll be living for a least another 100 years.

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
I don't know what kind of B.S. you're wearing but... *sees P-Chan is really angry* Wow, you really ARE angry, huh? *running* Hold it, Mister P! Calm down! Calm down! Stop it! P-Brain! I didn't mean that! ACK! Don't bite there! *screams*

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
I want your bloodiest rose.

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
...That's like asking me to eat a grenade!

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
Saotome-Anything-Goes-Martial-Arts-Final-Attack: ready, set, RUN AWAY!

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
(Slowly): I am a man!

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
No one's gonna take her from me...Akane's MINE...and she's engaged to ME!!!!!!!!!

Ranma Saotome (早乙女 乱馬, Saotome Ranma):
Eek, a pervert!

Ryoga Hibiki (響 良牙, Hibiki RyōGa):
Just you wait, Ranma.

Ryoga Hibiki (響 良牙, Hibiki RyōGa):
Gee, I'd love to, but I've got Akane to think about.

Ryoga Hibiki (響 良牙, Hibiki RyōGa):
Is this how you beg?

Ryoga Hibiki (響 良牙, Hibiki RyōGa):
Where the heck am I now?

Ryoga Hibiki (響 良牙, Hibiki RyōGa):
Who are you calling P-chan?

Ryoga Hibiki (響 良牙, Hibiki RyōGa):
... I think I'll go off and do something really evil...

Shampoo (珊璞, ShāNpú or シャンプー, Shanpū):
Shampoo love boy-type Ranma.... Maybe pervert-girl like only girl-type Ranma? Tell truth now....

Shampoo (珊璞, ShāNpú or シャンプー, Shanpū):
to Ranma-kun: Wo ai ni (i love you)!

Shampoo (珊璞, ShāNpú or シャンプー, Shanpū):
Kill female Ranma.

Shampoo (珊璞, ShāNpú or シャンプー, Shanpū):
When ramen for Ranma, Shampoo deliver anytime.

Shampoo (珊璞, ShāNpú or シャンプー, Shanpū):
Stupid Mousse.

Shampoo (珊璞, ShāNpú or シャンプー, Shanpū):
Nihao, Ranma!!

Shampoo (珊璞, ShāNpú or シャンプー, Shanpū):
Quit Argument!

Shampoo (珊璞, ShāNpú or シャンプー, Shanpū):
Akane still weak as always. Maybe you beat Shampoo in hundred years!

Shampoo (珊璞, ShāNpú or シャンプー, Shanpū):
Ranma no go school! Ranma take Shampoo to date!

Shampoo (珊璞, ShāNpú or シャンプー, Shanpū):
Obstacles are for killing

Soun Tendo (天道 早雲, Tendō SōUn):
She did it! She defended the honor of the Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts! She defended the ramen, too!

Soun Tendo (天道 早雲, Tendō SōUn):
as Shampoo chases female Ranma: When he's a boy, she just wants him. When he's a girl, she wants him dead.

Tatewaki Kuno (九能 帯刀, Kunō Tatewaki):
Akane Tendo or the pigtailed girl? Akane Tendo or the pigtailed girl? Akane Tendo or the PIGTAILED GIRL!

Tatewaki Kuno (九能 帯刀, Kunō Tatewaki):
Ranma has a nightmare about Kuno trying to romance "her": I love you, I would date you! I love you, I would date you...

Tatewaki Kuno (九能 帯刀, Kunō Tatewaki):
Pigtailed girl! I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Tatewaki Kuno (九能 帯刀, Kunō Tatewaki):
I am the undefeated captain of this school's kendo club. The rising new star of the high school fencing world. The sound of my voice strikes fear into the hearts of my enemies. My peers call me the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High... Tatewaki Kuno, age 17. Student 1: We call him the Blue Thunder? Student 2: News to me...

Ukyo Kuonji (久遠寺 右京, Kuonji Ukyō):
Were you born stupid or did you just grow that way?!

Ukyo Kuonji (久遠寺 右京, Kuonji Ukyō):
I'm Ran-chan's cute fiancée.

Ukyo Kuonji (久遠寺 右京, Kuonji Ukyō):
Urgh... leave it to that jackass Ryoga to draw me a map that leads me through half of Tokyo before coming here!

Ukyo Kuonji (久遠寺 右京, Kuonji Ukyō):
Does the sight of cleavage make you insane?!

Ukyo Kuonji (久遠寺 右京, Kuonji Ukyō):
What did you do that for, you JACKASS!?