Robin Hood, Series 1 (2006)

[Much yelling at the Sheriff's guards as they leave, after being fooled.]

Much:
Us...rogues? Don't show your faces here again, COWARDS!

Robin:
Shh! Quiet.

Much:
Why? We have won, and they should be ashamed. SHAME ON YOU! Come back here again and my master and I shall see that you leave with more than just your TAILS between your legs!

Head Guard:
"My master and I"? There are only two of them!

Much:
[Wide-eyed.] I shouldn't have said that.

[The guards return and begin to chase them]

Much:
Run, Robin. Run!

Robin:
Five years in battle, Much and you still forget the last man!

Much:
Well there's so much to remember.

Much:
When I see the River Trent, I am going to cry. I'm going to cry like a baby. When we get home, I'm going to eat roast beef.

Robin:
Yesterday, you said pork.

Much:
Well yesterday I was not as hungry. I could eat beef and pork and lamb! Mmmm, yes, I'd like that very much. In fact, I can feel a song coming on.

Robin:
No! No song! Absolutely no song!

Much:
It would be a cheery song.

Robin:
And it would be a tragedy, too! A tragedy for you to have survived the Turk, and made it to within a few miles of Locksley, only to be killed by your own master!

Much:
You know, it is lucky I do not readily take offense! You know, a smaller man would be offended! A smaller man would be wounded!

Robin:
And a cleverer man would sing fewer songs!

[After being offered a meal of roast pork in return for digging a ditch for a weaver]

Much:
Master, we could, could we?

Robin:
Much, we are nearly home!

Much:
Please! Please!

[Robin looks to Nathan, the weaver and Nathan throws the shovel to Robin who gives it to Much]

Much:
I love you. Have I ever said that?

[Robin nods gestures over to the ditch]

[As they run away from the weaver's home]

Much:
I said no stopping! Why do you never ever listen?!

Robin:
Faster! Go!

[Next scene - night and Robin has lit a fire and stands up next to Much, both wrapped in blankets]

Much:
I'm not saying anything.

[Robin, in a childish manner mimics Much's words]

Much:
[To Dan Scarlett.] We are home unscathed. Well... scathed. Very scathed. But happy. And hungry. Mostly hungry.

Much:
[After talking with Jeffory.] That man is a showoff. If there are no eggs left, I'm going after him.

Marian:
[holding a bow and arrow at Robin, after he has disturbed her father] You heard my father. Leave!

Robin:
Marian. It is me, Robin.

[She moves closer, still pointing the bow and arrow]

Marian:
Congratulations. Leave!

Robin:
How are you? I thought of you.

Marian:
Leave!

[Marian and Edward return to their house and Edward is closing the door]

Robin:
Edward, if you do not remember me, then remember Nottingham! Remember your people!

[Edward closes the door]

Robin:
Interesting.

Much:
Interesting? It was unbelieveable! And he used to treat us like... like sons!

Robin:
She is still unmarried.

Much:
Oh, and I thought you had come to see the old sheriff!

Robin:
I did!

Much:
Please!

Marian:
My father seems to think he should see you. Our house is watched. Come after midnight tonight.

Robin:
Very well. You're looking...striking. And if you're still living with your father, then that must mean...

Marian:
Take care not to be seen.

Robin:
Don't worry, I can look after myself.

Marian:
I don't care about you, I care about my father. Are you really as naive as you seem? You think you can pick fights with these people and get away with it? You think you can slight them in public? You are a fool.

[She turns around and starts to walk away]

Robin:
Marian...wait. This is not the time I know, but I must say, you are, more than ever...your eyes, even when you look at me in anger...I feel you. [places his hand on her cheek] And I still believe, even after all this time...you can see into my soul.

[He tries to kiss her, but she stops him]

Marian:
Five years and you're still peddling the same old drivel. Does it ever work?

Robin:
You'd be surprised.

Marian:
Amazed.

[She pushes past him and walks away. Robin looks at her]

Jailer:
Give your names!

Will:
Will and Luke Scarlett.

Robin:
What is your crime?

Will:
Living in the wrong place at the wrong time. Living under an evil Sheriff. Where do our taxes go? They go to Nottingham, to the Sheriff.

Woodvale:
It has been a good month. We've collected nearly £300.

Sheriff:
Would you want to be the King in Antioch - a clue: no - trying to feed a starving army on £300, when you promised £500?

Woodvale:
It's more than we ever managed before.

Sheriff:
[sarcastic] Oh, yippee! So the King is starving in the Holy Land and you have failed him, but [whiny voice] "It's more than we ever managed before!"

Sheriff:
Rumours abound.

Robin:
What rumours?

Sheriff:
That you are weak. That you have returned weakened from your exertions in the Holy Land.

Much:
My master returns with honours, honours from the King!

Sheriff:
Mmm. Well, the greater honour would have been to have stood and fought with him, surely?

Robin:
[sternly] I have visited my peasants in your dungeons. They have committed grave crimes...

Much:
Master, surely--

Robin:
... which would make all the more compassionate your gesture of pardoning them!

Sheriff:
Pardoning them? I will see them hang in the morning. You yourself said that we risk rebellion. We must have order.

Robin:
It is custom for the Sheriff to hear his nobles' requests for clemency--!

Sheriff:
La-di-da-di-da! Oh, by the way, in your absence we nominated you to oversee tomorrow's entertainment.

Robin:
No.

Sheriff:
Oh, you don't want these rumours of weakness to spread, hm? Better scotch them now, otherwise we'll all pay.

[As Bendedict Giddens, Will and Luke Scarlett and Allan-a-Dale are about to hang]

Sheriff:
May the souls--

Jeffrey:
[disguised as a priest] WAIT!

Sheriff:
[exasperated] "Oh, nah, nah, nah! Please don't kill my brother, my little baby, my INBRED COUSIN!"

Jeffrey:
On behalf of Anthony, our bishop, I claim benefit of clergy for these men. They cannot hang.

Sheriff:
These are not holy men. These people cannot plead the cloth. Get on with it.

Jeffrey:
I came last night to administer their last rites.

Sheriff:
... So?

Jeffrey:
And each one came to God through me, repenting their sins and asking to take the cloth. I felt duty-bound to consult the bishop, and he in turn confers status of novice unto each man.

Sheriff:
Shut up.

Jeffrey:
[reading from a piece of parchment] "I, Anthony, very Reverend Vicar Apostolic, hereby confer-"

Sheriff:
SHUT UP!!!! [turns to Canon Richard] Is this possible?

Canon Richard:
They could not have become novices overnight.

Jeffrey:
They are become postulants!... Novice novices, if you like. And so are under the protection of the Church!

[Awkward silence]

Sheriff:
Novice novices! How novel. Well, [points to the gallows] hang them [points to Jeffrey] and arrest him.

Dan Scarlett:
I love you, Will! Love you, Luke! I'll see you in heaven!

[Robin has flashbacks of returning to Locksley and of Will and Luke Scarlett]

Robin:
People of Nottingham!

[He shoots through one of the hangman's nooses, freeing Allan]

Robin':
These men have committed no crime worth more than a spell in the stocks.

[He shoots through another hanging rope, freeing Will]

Robin:
Will you tolerate this injustice? I, for one, will not!

[He shoots through the two remaining nooses with two arrows at the same time, freeing Luke and Benedict]

Robin:
[after the Sheriff has called Much, Mulch] His name...is Much.

Sheriff:
Yes, well he'll be mulch soon.

Robin:
[About the Sheriff.] Stop him. I'm going to stop him.

Much:
We can't... stop... the Sheriff. Only the Crown can withdraw his license.

Robin:
When the King returns, he will have his comeuppance. Until then we will scope out his sadistic punishments. We will stop his insane taxes and give them back to the poor, where they belong! We will rob him! And if you dead men had had spines in your backs, that's what you would've been doing for the last five years.

Robin:
[About the Sheriff.] I do not know why Englishmen travel two thousand miles to fight when the real cancer is right here.

Marian:
I also told you confronting the Sheriff wouldn't work. You didn't listen to that.

Robin:
I didn't have much choice.

Marian:
Everything is a choice, everything we do! Grow up.

[Watching Robin being dragged away by the Sheriff]

Will:
I liked him.

Little John:
I didn't.

Much:
He saved your wife! [To Will] "Liked"? He's not dead.

[After visiting Knighton Hall in order to ask for help in saving Robin]

Much:
Nothing?!

Edward:
What can I do? I warned him - the Sheriff.

Much:
Yes, my lord, but...

Marian:
He should have listened to my father, and now he is an outlaw.

Much:
I know, my ladyship.

Marian:
And not a very impressive one.

Much:
That is...! Forgive me, but that...is not fair. He is most impressive.

Marian:
He is caught after one day, does that impress you?

Much:
He gave himself up to save tongues.

Marian:
Tongues?

Much:
In Locksley. The Sheriff was cutting out peoples tongues until someone told him where Robin was.

[Pause]

Much:
I hate the Sheriff. [he stands] And I hate you if you aren't going to help Robin.

[He starts to leave]

Edward:
Young man, I will speak in court of course, but...your master has doomed himself. His fate is...resign yourself.

Much:
In the Holy Land, my master had dreams. [to Marian] He spoke your name. [pause] Good night. [he leaves]

[Much has knocked out the jailer]

Much:
[to Robin and Marian] This...is a rescue!

Much:
[Grabbing onto Robin's sleeves.] Master, no! You cannot go back in there. If you go back in and die, then I will die. Of grief. So you must come now, if only to save me.

Robin:
[Likewise holding Much's arms.] Yes, and that is why I love you. [To Roy] You, I need your help. It will be dangerous.

[Roy looks at Little John, who nods]

Roy:
Yes.

[They walk off]

Much:
Him. Why him when you love me?

Roy:
That arrow hurt, lavender boy.

Robin:
Heartbreaking.

Sheriff:
[mocking Robin in a girly tone] I'll do it. I mean it. I mean it.

[The gang are hidden while giving food and money to their loved ones. They are watching Forrest's wife sweeping]

Little John:
Is that her?

Forrest:
Yeah.

Allan:
She's your wife?! What does she see in you?

[His wife sees the food]

Forrest:
She's seen it.

Little John:
This is good.

Forrest:
Yeah.

Sheriff:
[To his Master of Arms.] Do you think... two deaths are enough, hmm? To get them to really turn against him, to rebel? If we're going to blame Hood, well, let's do it properly. What d'you think? Hmm? I think maybe a few more deaths'd be interesting-- you know, pretty deaths, not just bored but pretty deaths.

Will:
[running back to the gang] The King's Guild of Hunters and Foresters! Dogs!

Roy:
[about Much. Out of breath after the gang has been chased by the King's Guild of Hunters and Foresters] We're going to be captured, tortured and hanged...and he wants cheese?!

[After being ostracised by the villagers of Nettlestone]

Robin:
I walked away from my home! For them! I gave myself up to the Sheriff for them!

Allan:
We gave Joderic money for them.

Roy:
I never really did understand that.

Sheriff:
[As he wakes up and sees Robin.] Why can it never be a beautiful woman?

Allan:
[to Robin about his deal with the Sheriff and their "pillow talk"] Have you been in bed with the Sheriff?

Roy:
[about Robin's statement that he has another plan] Well, if it's as good as saving the Sheriff's life, I'm with Cheese Boy.

Joe Lacey:
You still love him?

Marian:
No.

[Pause]

Marian:
Who?

Joe:
Tell him. Not that you ever see him but tell him, there are still people who love him.

Allan:
[As Robin explains he's going to the castle.] Got some ideas how we could get in.

Robin:
Go on.

Allan:
Well, d'you want clever or really clever?

Robin:
I want fast.

Robin:
If we were killers...would we bring them food? It proves we are not killers.

Much:
But they hate us.

Robin:
Now that the mill is closed, the village will be suffering, they will be hungry.

Much:
You just want everyone to love you.

Robin:
No! I do not want to be branded a killer! It is different!

Much:
You want to be loved! And I tell you something, it's not fair. I love you but no-one gives me any food. Yet people who do not love you are fed.

Robin:
Aww, Much!

Much:
The world is wrong. We're feeding people who do not love us and saving a man who wants us dead. I've changed my mind, I no longer love you. Now can I eat?

[Robin laughs]

[About Marian's activity as the Nightwatchman.]

Marian:
My father had me taught to fight... He wanted me to have choices in the world. And I choose to help the poor. You are not about to stop me doing that.

Robin:
But does your father know what you're doing?

Marian:
He... thinks I enjoy embroidery.

[After Robin and his men have re-opened the mill at Nettlestone, he is hugged and applauded by the villagers. Much walks over to Marian]

Marian:
He has to have the glory, doesn't he?

Much:
Glory? Nah. I think he just wants to be loved.

[Much and Marian look at each other, look to Robin, Marian smiles at him]

Robin:
"For every man there is a purpose which he sets up in his life. Let yours be the doing of all good deeds." [Shrugs.] That's us, lads.

Will:
Is that the Bible?

Robin:
It's the Qur'an.

Will:
What's that?

Much:
It's the Turk Bible. He read it in the Holy Land.

Allan:
Why?

Robin:
[Shrugs again.] I wanted to know what it was that we were fighting.

[Robin takes on a knight in hand to hand combat with the baby in hand. He gets punched around the face and flies back]

Robin Hood:
Do you mind? I'm just trying to get the baby to sleep!

[Kills the knight]

Sheriff:
Royston White! "I fight for King and Country!" Blahdy-blahdy-blah.

Sheriff:
I have a favor to ask. I would be very grateful if you'd, uh... [Holds up a dagger.] ...use this on our mutual friend, Robin Hood.

Roy:
I'd sooner kill my own mother.

Sheriff:
[Laughs, knowing he has Roy's mother as a prisoner.] Yes what an amazing coincidence. See, when people say [imitates Roy] "I'd sooner kill my own mother", they don't usually have that statement tested.

[He gestures to Guy, who nods and opens the door to reveal Roy's mother]

Mary:
[emotional] Oh, Royston!

Roy:
Mother?

Mary:
I thought you were dead!

Roy:
I was going to come back.

Mary:
I thought you were dead!

Roy:
I was going to come back when things were better. But they never got better.

Marian:
[Robin and Roy are ending food over the walls of the village of Clun attached to arrows] You know that's a waste of arrows.

Robin Hood:
No!

Marian:
You could just throw them over.

Robin Hood:
Yeah you could. But where would be the fun in that?

Robin:
So...you never told me, when I was in the Holy Land, you must have had suitors.

Marian:
I must have.

[She sticks the needle into his wound]

Robin:
Aahh! Well, you've got to admit, it is surprising you're not married.

Marian:
It is, and yet when one consider that marriage requires a man, perhaps not. A word of advice, your charms, such as they are, ceased working on me at least five years ago.

Robin:
A challenge.

Marian:
A statement.

[She pulls on the thread as she stitches his wound]

Robin:
Ow!

Marian:
That hurt?

Robin:
Yes!

Marian:
Good.

[Pause]

Marian:
Just tying it off.

[Pause. Robin looks at her]

Robin:
Kiss it better?

[She pulls on the thread again]

Robin:
Aahh!!

Marian:
Done.

Robin:
Can you take the baby?

Marian:
Me?

Robin:
His mother lives in Knighton.

Marian:
What? Because I'm a woman.

Robin:
Because I have to go. My men are waiting.

Marian:
[laughs] The call of the wild.

Robin:
Marian...why is it everything you say to me sounds like a criticism?

Marian:
I do not know. I suppose this is the lives we have chosen, always different directions.

Robin:
And yours is the better direction?

Marian:
I work within the system. It is the only way.

Robin:
Not at night. Who dress up as, who is it, The Nightwatchman?

Marian:
I do not taunt the Sheriff. I do not publicly flout his decisions.

Robin:
Ok, so, today, at Clun?

Marian:
That was different, it was an emergency!

Robin:
And you were wonderful. You were bold and...and I wish there were more emergencies.

Marian:
Is it all just a big joke to you?!

Robin:
Is it all so serious to you?!

Marian:
Well forgive me for being careful, but so far, no-one has had their tongue cut out because of me! Take your baby.

[She hands him Seth and storms off]

[After Roy has tried to kill Robin]

Roy:
My mother! They've got my mother!

Will:
I hate the Sheriff!

Robin:
And the story about the baby, that was a lie, too?

Roy:
Gisborne is the father.

Robin:
Gisborne?

Will:
I hate Gisborne, too.

Roy:
[As his mother is about to be hanged.] You'll rot in hell for this!

Sheriff:
Really? Just for this?

Much:
Master! You cannot give yourself up every five minutes!

Marian:
I'm going... [points to her right] ...this way.

Robin:
I'm going... [points the opposite way.]

Marian:
Always opposite directions.

[repeated line]

Roy:
My name is Royston White, I fight for Robin Hood and King Richard!

Little John:
[regarding Roy] Him...I liked.

[Watching Annie and Seth ride away on a cart]

Much:
You know, I'm not going to miss that baby.

[He walks off]

Will:
Peace.

[He walks off]

Allan:
Sleep.

Gisborne:
Nothing like a tragedy to bring out the do-gooders.

The Sheriff :
Women, how can they manage to hit that particular pitch that makes you want to pierce your eardrum with a stick?

[The slaver the outlaws let go comes running in, out of breath, coughing and wheezing. He gestures away]

Sheriff:
I think he wants us to follow him...

Slaver:
[gasping] The mine's...!

Sheriff:
[nodding] The mine...

Slaver:
[gasping] R-Ro-Robin Hood...!

Sheriff:
[nodding] Robin Hood...

Slaver:
Fire!

Sheriff:
Mine, Robin Hood, fire... [realises] SOLDIERS!!! SOLDIERS!!!

Slave Trader:
I thought you were gonna slit me throat!

Robin Hood:
No we don't slit throats. It's too messy.

[Djaq is washing and Will arrives]

Will:
Robin says we have to keep...

Djaq:
You spy on me!

[She covers herself with her shirt and storms past Will]

Will:
No...Robin said...we have to...

[As she storms past, a branch whips Will, making him fall over]

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Forget the outlaws, save the mine!

Robin Hood:
[as he escapes] Never forget the outlaws!

[Djaq is hiding behind a rock a little way from Much, who is sitting in front of an unlighted fire. She lights the fire using her glass]

Much:
[gasps] A sign! Which means I have to fast...

[Djaq throws a dead rabbit on the ground next to Much]

Much:
Except God wants me to eat!

[Djaq throws another dead rabbit]

Much:
Quite a lot!

Robin Hood:
[Laughs] Djaq. Come and join us.

[She climbs down]

Djaq:
For good?

Robin:
Well I was thinking just for dinner, but...

Djaq:
I was thinking for good. Or maybe I should have let your big friend here die, huh? Maybe then there would be a vacancy.

Will:
It wouldn't be safe for you to join us.

Robin:
For him or us?

Will:
For her.

[Little John is shocked but Robin laughs]

Robin:
I assumed as much. What's your name? Your real name?

Djaq:
Safiya.

Robin:
Safiya...

Djaq:
But I prefer you to call me Djaq.

Robin:
Djaq. Your expertise did help saving Little John's life, for which we are eternally indebted. Does anyone have a problem with a woman joining the gang?

[Will shakes his head, Much shakes his head, Little John opens his mouth to say something but shakes his head]

Much:
Can you...?

Djaq:
I'm a rubbish cook.

Robin:
Looks like dinner's on us.

Much:
Well, if that was Djaq then...should I eat?

[He eats a piece of meat]

[Thunder sounds. Much immediately spits out the food]

Robin:
[To the Sheriff] A taxman who's not a taxman, nuns no one's ever heard of? I think we've both been had.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Underneath all that haughty, there's quite a bit of naughty!

Allan:
This, my friends, is an ambush.

Robin:
(to George after the man thought he had stabbed Robin) Only joking! (knocks George out)

[After Robin and his gang had stolen everything from George they go through the forest and immediately they see some villages that were going to whip some men.]

Robin:
Oi! Stop! Megan, what are you doing?

Megan:
We're going to give these a good horse whipping.

Robin:
Why?

Megan:
He stole this. (shows Robin a necklace) My mother gave it to me on my wedding day. It's the only thing of value I own.

Tom:
You touch us and you'll be in big trouble. We are Robin Hoods men!

[Robin looks to Much, confused.]

[Cut to the cart - Allan and Djaq are trying on the jewellery that Lucky George has taken]

Allan:
Let's see you wear a dress.

Djaq:
I will if you will.

Tom:
Robin Hood could swing out these trees any time and bash your brains out!

[Allan listens to the voice]

Djaq:
Or...are you afraid of looking too pretty?

Allan:
I know that voice.

Much:
Oh, surely Robin Hood couldn't take on all of us.

Tom:
Robin wouldn't be scared of you. You're girls compared to him and his men!

[Allan reaches the others.]

Allan:
Tom?

Tom:
Allan.

Much:
Do you know him?

Allan:
He's my brother.

[Allan hits Tom into the face and grabs his jacket.]

Allan:
My purse, my sword, my horse.

Tom:
I can explain. My nose! What kind of thing is that to do to a brother? Is it broken?

Allan:
I say, whip him!

Tom:
If you touch me again Robin will string you up on the tallest oak in Sheerwood Forest!

Allan:
This is Robin Hood, you idiot!

Tom:
The thing is, I woke up and we'd both been robbed! And rather than wake you, I went off to catch the thieves myself. I chased them for days!

Allan:
He couldn't tell the truth if his life depended on it.

Much:
Runs in the family then?

Allan:
Don't make us gang up on you.

Tom:
Is he disrespecting our family?

Much:
You rob each other in your family! Where's my flask?

[Allan looks at Tom]

[Tom gives the flask back]

Tom:
Sorry...old habits.

Allan:
[angrily] What are you doing?! [hits Tom after he has tried to rob from Knighton Hall] [walks to Edward and Marian.] I am so sorry.

Edward:
These men were robbing our house.

Tom:
Yes, we were robbing his house. That's what we do. We're trying to show the top man what we can do.

Allan:
[angrily] These people are our friends!

Tom:
Now you tell me. I thought they were...

Allan:
You don't think. You can't think. [he hits Tom again]

Robin:
Are you hurt?

Edward:
Only my pride. These are your men?

Robin:
Not for much longer. I promise. [walks up to Tom] Apologise. Apologise for the disturbance. NOW!

Allan:
Do as you're told. [he hits Tom again]

[Robin looks at Allan]

[Tom walks up to Edward and Marian followed by Robin and Allan]

Tom:
Sorry.

Robin:
Louder.

Tom:
Sorry!

Robin:
I knew nothing about this. They will be punished, you have my word.

Allan:
Robin...I'm so sorry.

Robin:
Just take them away!

Robin:
You know I said you should make up with your brother?

Allan:
Yeah.

Robin:
I've changed my mind.

Allan:
He was just trying to impress you. He didn't know who he was robbing. It was just a big house. He doesn't think. I know, I've tried to help him. But, you shouldn't have to trust them, you should trust me. I should have kept a closer eye on him.

Robin:
Yes! You should have!

Allan:
Look, I was like him once. Out of control. But I changed. Because of you, because of being here. If you could just give him a second chance.

Robin:
He's already had a second chance!

Allan:
But to be with us. Around decent men. He could change. And you wouldn't have to worry about them. If I took control, properly, he could change.

Robin:
He stole from you, and you still defend him.

Allan:
[throws his hands up] He's my brother.

Robin:
One more chance.

Allan:
Thank you, Robin

[He walks over to Tom and Tom's friends]

Allan:
Last chance.

Tom:
Alright.

[Next scene - daytime - Allan is asleep. Much kicks him]

Much:
Get up!

[He kicks him again]

Much:
Get up! They've gone.

[Will arrives]

Will:
And they've taken everything.

[Robin arrives]

Robin:
Clothes, money, horses.

Allan:
I'll kill him. I'm gonna kill him. Bury him, dig him up and kill him again.

Will:
They're to hang.

[Allan looks sombre]

Much:
They have lied to us, stolen from us. They're nothing but trouble.

Little John:
Let them hang.

[Much and Allan look at John. Pause]

Allan:
I agree.

Robin:
You do?

Allan:
My brother's had more chances than he deserves.

Robin:
Does he deserve to die?

Allan:
Do we? We go to Nottingham, we'll end up joining him on the scaffold.

Will:
They took some of our tags. The Sheriff's crowing. Thinks he's got Robin Hood's men. Now it's like he's daring us to rescue them.

Allan:
My brother was never part of this gang, was he? We trusted him and he let us down. That's it. We'll be fool to walk into a trap for them. Does anyone disagree with me?

[No-one says anything]

Marian:
What?

Robin:
Nothing.

Marian:
You were looking at me.

Robin:
No! It's just the way my eyes were pointing.

Marian:
You are a good man, Robin. Nothing will change that.

[Robin tries to kiss Marian. She smiles and playfully stops him]

Marian:
That won't help you make your decision.

Robin:
It might.

Marian:
It won't.

Gisborne:
Do you know the worst crime a man can commit?

Marian:
Murder.

Gisborne:
Betrayal.

[Robin has stated that they are going to Nottingham to rescue Tom and his men]

Much:
Master, surely, why are we...?

Robin:
For family! For Allan's brother. We do not let the Sheriff hang our family. No matter how unreliable they may be.

Allan:
Robin...god bless you, my friends.

Robin:
Don't mention it, my friend.

Tom:
Robin will save us! He'll be here!

Sheriff:
Oh no, he won't.

Much:
We have a problem.

Robin Hood:
We have many problems. Most of them guard-shaped.

[Robin Hood and his men prepare to rescue Allan-A-Dale's brother, Tom and his men from a hanging as the Sheriff addresses the crowd]

Sheriff of Nottingham:
All those eager faces. You're all expecting Robin Hood to turn up, aren't you? Hmm? Do a few tricks with his bow and arrow?

[He chuckles]

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Well, this is no time for schoolboy tricks. This is justice. We have laws. Robin Hood has no respect for the law. Robin Hood flouts the law. He would have us all be criminals, murdering and stealing. And yet still, you wait there, expecting him to come and save one of his own. Yes, of course you do, which is why... I have brought the hanging forward by one hour. Look up there!

[Guards reveal hanging bodies on the battlements. Allan is horrified.]

Sheriff of Nottingham:
You're too late, Robin Hood! [Allan tries to run to the Sheriff, but Djaq stops him] Your men are already dead! Oh, I wish you could have seen the look on their faces just before they realised that you weren't coming to rescue them. Oh, it was very moving. First there was disappointment, tinged with confusion, soon to be replaced by anger, and then tears, just before they realised that it was the final, fatal drop - it was very moving, it was very touching.

[He claps]

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Yes, I wish you could have seen that, Hood! Well, thank you very much.

[To crowd]

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Oh, will one of you tell Robin Hood, if you do see him? Thank you. Eager, smiling faces. Good.

[He whistles]

Sheriff of Nottingham:
All in a day's work. Ha-ha. Sheriff coming through!

Djaq:
[To a man] You have come for the belongings of the hanged man. Tom A Dale. You are his cousin. Bring them here quickly.

[The man nods and runs off. Allan cries, Djaq consoles him]

[Later, the man returns with a bag of Tom's possessions and leaves. Will arrives, upon Robin's request]

Will:
Robin is looking for you.

[He kneels next to Allan]

Will:
I'm sorry.

[Allan nods]

Djaq:
Give us a moment.

[She nods and Will leaves]

Djaq:
I had a brother. A twin. He was killed in your Crusades. I became him. His name was Djaq. He still...lives here. Inside me. Like your brother lives inside you.

Allan:
That's what I worry about.

Djaq:
Don't you want to look?

Allan:
At what? A bunch of rags...not much to show for a life.

[He reaches inside and finds the necklace that Guy gave to Marian. He lifts it up, looks at Djaq, who looks at Will]

Marian:
The truth? The truth is, this country is being choked to death. The truth is, honest people are being forced to lie and cheat and steal.

Gisborne:
Marry me. It is the only way. As Lady Gisborne, I could protect you. What do you say?

Marian:
You leave me no time to think. A moment ago you were going to hang me and now you want to marry me.

Gisborne:
Is it so difficult to prove your loyalty?

Marian:
I am loyal, but...

Gisborne:
But what? I know you were once betrothed to Robin Hood.

Marian:
I was a girl then.

Gisborne:
Would you still hesitate if he were asking the question?

[Pause]

Marian:
I would never marry him. I despise Robin Hood.

Gisbourne:
Really? So what about me? Will you...marry...me?

Marian:
Yes. I will marry you. I will marry you the day King Richard returns to England. [Gisborne leans in but Marian turns her head.] Shall we go downstairs and tell my father the good news?

Gisbourne:
Yes. I have an apology to make. [Walks away.]

Marian:
[Turns and closes the shutters.] [To Robin, softly] Sorry.

Much:
I love a wedding. And this is one of the best cakes I have ever tasted.

[After Robin has awoken from his nightmare about the Saracen attack in Acre]

Much:
Acre?

[Robin sighs and nods]

Robin:
Yes.

Much:
It's his birthday today. The king.

Much:
[after Robin decides on a risky plan] *There is* something wrong with you.

Robin Hood:
[grinning] Mmm-hmm.

Much:
I'm serious.

[Much smiles]

[The gang except Djaq interrupt Robin's attempt to kill Gisborne]

Little John:
No! Killing we do not do.

Will:
He's right. 'Cause that's what you taught us.

Much:
We do not take part in bloodshed...unless absolutely necessary.

[Allan shrugs in agreement]

[Robin yields, but punches Gisborne, knocking him out]

Robin:
That was necessary.

[Little John nods in agreement]

Little John:
Robin!

[He knocks Robin out with his staff]

Little John:
Sorry.

[Robin wakes up tied to a tree after John has knocked him out after Robin tried to kill Gisborne. Much is guarding him. Much smiles]

Much:
Sorry. This is difficult.

Robin:
Untie me.

Much:
That's...that's the difficult bit. Now, John said...Little John said. I think we should wait until they get back. Do you want some water?

Robin:
Much! Untie me. Now!

Much:
I knew this would happen.

Robin:
That man betrayed England. The slaughter in the Holy Land continues because of him. The others would not understand.

Much:
Then you must make them understand.

Robin:
Exactly. I need to talk to him. And I cannot do that tied to a tree. Just untie me.

Much:
You promise me? Because earlier...earlier you were not yourself. You were...I'm doing it!

[He goes over to untie Robin]

Much:
[as he's untying him] Now, you've had an upset. You should sit down and have a nice, hot...

[Robin runs over to Gisborne]

Much:
Robin!

[As Robin is about to torture Gisborne]

Much:
No! Stop! This is wrong. I can't take part in this. You will regret this. You will see sense and you will regret it.

Robin:
This does not concern you, Much.

Much:
You are my master, everything concerns me! I have followed you into battle. I have followed you into the forest. But I will not follow you into torture.

Robin:
Then leave me.

Much:
If I thought you meant that...

Robin:
GO!

[Much runs to his horse and leaves]

Gisborne:
You seem to be short of friends, Locksley. And what about the peasants you've championed? They'll be so disappointed to know that underneath your fine words, you're just as violent as the next man. And the nobles you've championed. Swayed by your charitable actions. Edward...Marian.

[Robin swings the heated sword apparently at him, but instead breaks Gisborne's ties]

[Intent on rescuing Djaq, Little John, Allan and Will have arrived in the dungeons]

Will:
There's no-one here.

Allan:
This can't be right.

Will:
No prisoners, not even a jailer.

Allan:
I'm not being funny, but, you don't, don't think this could be a...

[Guards arrive]

Little John:
Trap.

Allan:
Listen gents, why don't we just talk about this, eh?

[The guards attack them and they fight]

Will:
Are you alright?

Djaq:
Are you alright?

Allan A Dale:
I thought we were saving you!

Djaq:
Now I'm saving you.

Allan A Dale:
But we're men and you're a woman.

Djaq:
Irritating, isn't it?

Gisborne:
Robin of Locksley, Earl of Huntindon, hero of Acre. And look at you now, you're just a common outlaw. House and lands lost. Do you think I don't laugh every time I sleep in your bed? And Marian, the woman you gave up. Lost. To me. Do you think I won't laugh every time I...

[Robin punches him]

Gisborne:
To be honest, I'm surprised you decided to stay in Nottingham. Surely, you would have friends elsewhere that would take you in. I should have realised...Marian. I thought you'd given up a long time ago. But, you still carry a torch for her, don't you?

Djaq:
Now what? Do you actually have a plan?

Allan:
I've never been in this part of the castle.

[Little John, angry at having not rescued Djaq kicks a basket]

Much:
[thinking he's angry about Robin being free] Now, look, he's been my master for ten years, what was I supposed to do?

Little John:
[gesturing to Gisborne] Him?

Much:
Alive. It was somewhat touch and go. Not since the Holy Land have I seen...

[Little John sighs]

Much:
It took all my powers to calm him. And...and hers. [gestures to Marian]

[Little John looks over to see Marian talking to Robin]

Much:
But it was I who fetched her, so you could say it was all my doing.

Much:
If they know we're coming, we could all die.

Allan:
True. But it's Djaq.

Much:
What does that mean, "True. But it's Djaq"? That's not even an answer.

Allan:
Look, the thing is...I like her.

Will:
[at the same time] I think I love her.

[The rest of the gang and Marian look around, shocked. Allan and Will look at each other uncomfortably]

Much:
Well! Even so, that is no reason to knowingly walk into a trap.

Little John:
Robin!

[He knocks him out]

Little John:
Not sorry.

[Robin has just woken up after Little John has knocked him out for the second time, with Much guarding him, and notices that Gisborne has gone]

Robin:
Where is he?

Much:
They've taken him. It was the only way...for Djaq.

Robin:
It was not their decision to make! Where did they take him?

[Much shakes his head]

Much:
I'm not going to tell you. Please, you can't make me tell you.

Robin:
Much, if you are my friend. If you are my true friend, you must do this one thing for me. Please.

[Much puts his cap over his eyes, lies back and grunts in frustration]

Robin:
There is no way Gisborne went to the Holy Land without your say-so.

Sheriff:
[feigning ignorance] Holy Land? Gisborne?

Robin:
I have proof! On his arm, his tattoo! People in the King's Guard have heard of that tattoo, and when they return from the Holy Land, he will pay! And you will pay!

Sheriff:
Tattoo? [pours Djaq's acid over Gisborne's arm, erasing the tattoo] What tattoo? [to a screaming Gisborne] SHUT UP, YOU BIG JESTER!

Sheriff:
[after pouring acid on Gisborne's arm] Stop mewling, Gisborne! Maybe in future, you'll think twice before painting your arm like a girl!

Much:
Prince John, in the absense of good King Richard, has turned this country into a state of terror! His followers are thugs! Our taxes are too high! People are starving! What does one have to do to get arrested around here? (attacks guard) Arrest me!

[Guards drag Much away.]

Much:
Thank you!

Sheriff:
[about a captured Much] Now, what is this creature doing here?

Gisborne:
This is one of Robin Hood's inner circle. This is his right-hand man.

Sheriff:
[sarcastic] Oh, bravo!

Gisborne:
He can tell us all we need to know about the outlaws.

Sheriff:
Like what? Hm? That Robin Hood is against us? That he keeps moving his camp on? Hm? There's nothing to know!

Gisborne:
All right. So hang him, then. Make an example.

Sheriff:
Brilliant! A clue: no. Hang him, and you have an instant martyr. Suddenly, everybody loves Robin Hood!

Allan:
Anyone fancy a wager? Yeah? Who thinks he can get out on his own?

Robin:
Trust me, Allan. Much can do it.

Allan:
We talking about the same Much?

Much:
You are surely a spy and this is trap...of sorts.

Eve:
I beg to differ, My Lord. I am just Eve, your servant here, and I'll do my best to please you. This is a lovely place and it's warm here. Especially at night.

Much:
Yes, we'll see. I mean, I must say this is very pleasant...as traps go.

Will:
I'm burning this!

Djaq:
Will, no!

John:
[Grabs the ledger from Will's hand.] Steady.

Will:
This is not science. This is murder.

Djaq:
Think of this as progress. Other scientists could do much better things with Greek fire!

Allan:
Yeah! You could blow up the whole castle with that stuff!

Gisborne:
Hood got there first. The ledger's gone.

Sheriff:
[looking over a chessboard] Didn't you tell me that you'd hidden the barrels of black powder?

Gisborne:
... Yes, I did.

Sheriff:
[moves the white rook across the chessboard] Who else did you tell?

Gisborne:
No one.

Sheriff:
So how did he find it before you? [silence] Were you followed, Gisborne?

Gisborne:
No.

[The Sheriff nods - then suddenly picks up the white king and hurls it at Gisborne]

Sheriff:
YOU FOOL!!! WE'VE BEEN SET UP!!! Now you dispatch every man you can to the caves, bring me Eve and fetch me my horse!

[After Robin destroys the black powder hidden in the cave]

Sheriff:
Life is a cruel mistress, Gisborne. [pause] Clean up your mess.

Will:
It's good to have you back, Much.

Much:
It's good to have you back, my Lord Much.

Allan:
That is gonna get really annoying.

Much:
That is gonna get really annoying, my Lord Much.

[Robin grunts in frustration but in a laughing way]

Much:
I know it's annoying but I like it.

Robin:
Well... [looks at Will, who cheekily smiles] seeing as you like lording it up...to Lord Much!

[Little John picks Much up, Robin laughs, Will and Allan help John pick him up]

Robin, Will, Allan, Little John:
To Lord Much!

Little John:
All hail Lord Much! All hail Lord Much!

[The gang smile and Djaq takes the ledger from the fire, Robin notices and smiles]

[Robin notices that Harold fights like a Crusader]

Robin:
SOLDIER! Break! Battle!

[Harold gets onto Robin's horse and he gallops away from Locklsey back to the forest]

Much:
That's a gift?

Prince Malik:
It was. A peace offering.

Allan Peace? Let's stick needles in his head, see how he likes it!

Prince Malik:
And this is what happens when cousins marry.

Much:
I call it the Much touch.

[Marian is petting her horse by her stables; Robin enters.]

Robin:
Don't tell me the Nightwatchman's been dipping into the profits?

Marian:
Some men find pleasure in giving women gifts.

Robin:
This is a lot of gift. And tell me, how were you planning on reciprocating?

Marian:
Maybe you'd find out if you gave me a gift. As it is you only come out of the woodwork to ask for favors, like now. So?

[Robin caught a Saracen.]

Djaq:
This is prince Mhalec Al Ajubi Ibm Chati!

[Robin doesn't recognise the name]

Djaq:
Nephew of Saladin! I served under him.

Much:
The Saladin?

Allan:
Oops!

Much:
Are they the ones that did this to you?

[Harold nods]

Allan:
Does anybody know what these two are talking about.

[Harold breaks free from his bonds and sits on a rock]

Harold:
That's what we're talking about.

Prince Malik:
Enough excuses! We must start the peace negotiations tonight. Every day that passes, more innocent lives are lost--

Sheriff:
Yardy-yardy-yar.

Prince Malik:
I warn you, Sheriff: I have heard aspersions cast on your honesty!

Sheriff:
[in mock surprise] Aspersions? Surely not!

Prince Malik:
Now I insist. We start the talks today, or I travel to London and find Prince John myself!

Sheriff:
You see, Gisborne? This is what you have to look forward to. Already, he's starting to sound like a wife.

Prince Malik:
HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME!

Sheriff:
[after mouthing his words obnoxiously] Two words: Peace? Off! Throw him in the dungeon!

(Robin, his gang and the Sheriff are all chased by Saladin's assassins)

Guard:
Get them! Stop them!

Robin:
Forget us! Watch the entrance!

Sheriff:
[entering behind Robin] YOU HEARD HIM!!! GUARD THE DOORS!!!

Much:
The Sheriff's with us?!

Prince Malik:
Did no-one ever tell you that fools do not deserve to be rescued?

Robin:
This is not a rescue yet, Malik.

Sheriff:
Oh, la-di-da-di-da! Will you two just shut up?!

(After Robin and his gang, the Sheriff and Harold team up against the assassins)

Sheriff:
[Points at Malik] Get him, Prince Bismillah... far away... from here!

Prince Malik:
The feeling is mutual.

Sheriff:
[To Robin] And Locksley, remember - business as usual tomorrow.

Robin:
I look forward to it.

Robin:
I don't think it was just the pins, Much. You understood him.

Much:
I just listened to him.

Robin:
Maybe that's the real magic. :[he whispers] Listening.

[Robin walkes away while whistling.]

Much:
Why don't you listen to me more then, master? Master!

Robin:
What? Sorry. Sorry, did you say something?

Much:
Unbelievable! You talked me about listening and you don't listen.

Robin:
Pardon?

Much:
You talked to me about listening!

[Robin starts laughing.]

Much:
Very funny! You never listen to me.

Robin:
Yes I do.

Much:
No you don't.

[They continue arguing]

Alice:
[kneeling] My son! You have imprisoned him.

Sheriff:
Get that woman out of here!

Alice:
He was arrested in Locksley this morning. He's just a boy--

Sheriff:
What did she say?

Gisborne:
This is the business of the bowmaker and his boy. The outlaw collaborators.

Sheriff:
Ah. And this is the mother of the child? Oh come on, have some compassion, Gisborne. Surely she should be allowed to see her son! Such insistent maternal concern... Well, it should stir pity. Such a pretty face should inspire our respect. [grabs Alice by the hair] But this one, however, conceals deceit! Disloyalty! So, take her away. Have her put in the cell with her son and the cooper. One bad apple in the family, and we punish the whole barrel.

Robin:
Charity starts at home, Vaisey!

Sheriff:
NOT IN MY HOME!!!

[Little John is about to kill the Sheriff]

Alice:
You said you were no murderer.

Little John:
Not of men. This is a DEVIL!

Sheriff:
[grinning] Good answer!

Alice:
For our son's sake.

Sheriff:
[in a childish voice] "Mummy, mummy..."

[Little John sighs and lets him up]

Sheriff:
Ha! You just couldn't--

[Little John punches him out]

[After the interrupted Festival of Pain, the Sheriff has ended up tied to his own Chair of Delights]

Sheriff:
[as Gisborne removes his gag] Aaaah... AAAARGH!!! GET ME OUT OF THIS, GISBORNE!!! GET OFF MY MONEY!!! GET OFF MY-- AAAARGH, AAAAARGH...!!!

Little John:
[About his son, to the Gang] Him, I am proud to know. You, I'm stuck with.

Will:
[throwing Little John a stick] Oi, John! I made you a new staff.

[The gang laugh]

Little John:
Right.

Much:
I hate the cave.

Allan:
It's gonna rain again and it's dry in there.

Much:
It's dark and it's, you know, horrible.

Robin:
We voted, Much.

Allan:
And you lost. Five-one.

Much:
Yeah, well. I should have two votes, because I really don't like the cave. In fact, I should have three, because I really, really don't like the cave.

Djaq:
My father treated the wounded on the battlefield. He said never lie to a wounded man.

Marian:
Or was it never lie to a dying man?

Djaq:
He said that too.

[She leaves]

Marian:
So? Never lie to a dying man.

Robin:
You are not going to die and I have never lied to you.

Marian:
Oh, come on. We have never once spoken the truth to each other.

Robin:
This is not the time to argue.

Marian:
Do not tell me when it is time to argue!

[Robin laughs]

Marian:
What?

Robin:
Well, I do not think there can be much wrong with you!

Marian:
I'm serious. We have never once spoken the truth to each other. For instance, I say you are a fool when I mean you are a hero. I criticise your actions then mimic them myself as The Nightwatchman. I chastise Robin Hood...

Robin:
Shh, shh, shh.

Marian:
I will not be shushed, these might be my last words!

Robin:
No they will not be. They cannot be. Because we should be together! Marian, I should never have left you, I should never have gone to war. It was a mistake! And you were right, I wanted glory but believe me the battlefield is the last place you'll find it.

Marian:
You would always have regretted it if you hadn't gone.

Robin:
But not as much as I regret going. Not as much as I regret losing you. Marian, I should not have gone.

Marian:
Robin...

Robin:
I...

[Djaq arrives and interrupts]

Djaq:
I love you, you love me, we all love each other. Drink the wine.

Much:
What do girls eat, anyway?

Djaq:
Special girls food.

Much:
Now, does she want an egg or bacon? She can't have both, I don't care who she is.

Djaq:
Pray to your God...and to mine. She is going to die.

Much:
Die? What do you mean, die?

Djaq:
Her face. I've seen that look a thousand times.

Much:
W-W-What do we do?

Djaq:
I need clean instruments. Knives. :[Much uses the ladle to throw the egg away] And crush this [She hands him berries] into a fine paste. Now.

Much:
Now, right, er, now.

Much:
Right, here is the paste, and the instruments are coming and Djaq is er, Djaq is coming. I'm sure, I'm sure...I am sure, I am sure.

Marian:
"I am sure, I am sure"? I am sure is reassuring, "I am sure, I am sure" is not.

Much:
I am sure. It's just, Djaq is very, er, Djaq is very...

Marian:
Djaq is very what?!

Much:
I'll shut up.

Robin:
Good idea.

Much:
I'll go.

[He starts to leave, but quickly spins around and hands Robin a flask of wine]

Much:
Drink this. All of it.

[He leaves]

[Marian laughs]

Marian:
Much.

Robin:
He means well.

Marian:
What could Djaq have told him? This is not good, is it?

Robin:
Maybe not so good.

Much:
[pressing on Marian's wound] I'm just pressing, right?

Djaq:
Yes. There's not much else we can do. The other physician has the instruments.

Much:
Should I be able to feel a heartbeat?

Djaq:
Yes.

[Much looks at Djaq, in worry. Djaq runs over]

[Djaq opens Marian's eyes and thinks of what to do. She starts pounding on Marian's chest. Much stops her]

Much:
What are you doing?! What are you doing?! You'll hurt her!

Djaq:
Trust me, Much. Where she is, she cannot feel a thing.

[She continues pounding]

[Much shakes his head]

Much:
Oh, come on, Marian. Come on.

[Djaq continues pounding]

[Much nods and laughs]

Much:
Yes! Yes!

Djaq:
Allah be praised!

[Much throws his arms up]

Much:
ALLAH BE PRAISED!

[Little John throws his arms up]

Little John:
ALLAH BE PRAISED!

Much:
Well, how did you do that?

Djaq:
Put your finger back in. Now!

Pitts:
This charade is over. [he smiles and walks away but stops next to Robin] Your friend is dead.

[He carries on walking]

Much:
Dead?

Pitts:
Dead.

[He is hit in the stomach by Little John near the entrance of the cave]

Robin:
Marian. Marian! Marian. I love you. I should have said. Why did I not say? I love you. Marian. I love you. Marian.

[He cries over her body]

[The Sheriff's voice is heard]

Sheriff:
Robin! Oh, Robin! Come out, come out, wherever you are!

[Robin slowly lifts his head in anger]

Sheriff:
You're getting slack, my friend! Could it have been easier for me? Hm? If you'd led me by the hand to your little hidey-hole? A clue: no!

Sheriff:
Bored now. Kill them!

Much:
John...I think we're gonna die.

John:
A good day. [paints mud on his face like warpaint]

Much:
What?

John:
A good day to die!

Much:
What?!

John:
It's a saying.

Much:
I hate sayings!

[After Robin has unsheathed his sword, ready to charge]

Much:
[to Little John] It's a good day!

[Allan and Will have returned and Allan has fired an arrow at Gisborne, missing, and later at the Sheriff, missing again but hitting a guard, and later, charges towards the guards]

Allan:
Robin Hood and King Richard!

Sheriff:
THOSE BLITHERING IDIOTS COST ME MY TOOTH!!!

Little John:
Where were you two?

Allan:
I can explain. There was this woman, a mother. She was giving birth to this newborn babe, right.

Will:
We were going to take the haul. Gisborne's money. We were going to take it to Scarborough.

Allan:
Yeah. What can I say?

Will:
Sorry. Really.

Allan:
Yeah, but we're back now. Saved your bacon actually.

[Little John and Much are shocked. Everyone looks sombre]

Allan:
What? We said sorry.

Much:
Marian. Gisborne stabbed her last night and she's...

Robin:
She's dead. Marian's dead.

[He walks back to the cave]

[In the cave]

Djaq:
We need to bury her.

Robin:
We must get her to Knighton Hall...to her father. John...John, I need you to...Djaq, prepare her body. Will...I need you to make...I need you to make a coffin.

Little John:
Shh! In good time. First...we say goodbye.

Will:
[tears roll down his cheeks] She was a good woman. Kind and considerate.

Much:
"Good"? Oh, she was...she was...

Allan:
[steps forward] She was alright. Yeah.

Little John:
Her...we liked.

Robin:
Her we loved. Her I loved. I loved her and I never told her.

Much:
She knew. We all knew.

[Allan notices that Marian is breathing and walks up to take a look]

Allan:
I'm not being funny, but, she's breathing.

Gisborne:
It would have been nice to have dealt with Hood before the King returns. [the Sheriff laughs] What?

Sheriff:
The King is not coming.

Gisborne:
What do you mean, "the King is not coming"?

Sheriff:
He is in the Holy Land. I have arranged an imposter. Think about it: is the real King, who spent God-knows-how-long fighting in the Holy Land, going to stop off in Nottingham on his way home for a chat? A clue: no!

Gisborne:
Why?

Sheriff:
How many of our friends are against us, hm? Our pathetic lords - Merton, Woodvale, Edward, hm? How many of them are scheming, smiling at us, lying, biding their time, nodding their heads, all the while preparing for the return of their King, the precious Richard the Lionheart, preparing? Hm? To turn against us the minute he walks through that door?

Gisborne:
I don't know.

Sheriff:
None of them have ever seen the King. So, this way we find out, hm? The plots bubble to the surface! The rats come scurrying out of the woodwork!

Gisborne:
Why didn't you tell me?

Sheriff:
[sarcastic] Oh, sorry. Nothing personal, hm? Anyway, you should thank me. You get to marry the girl.

Gisborne:
Yeah, but based on a lie. The King is not really coming.

Sheriff:
Oh, isn't that despicable! I don't know how you could possibly live with yourself!

Edward:
If you cannot save her, then do the right thing. Let her go.

Robin:
Do you know something? I am sick of doing the right thing.

[Much finds Robin sitting atop a hill overlooking Locksley, and walks up to him]

Much:
I knew you'd be here.

Robin:
It is my village.

[Much sits next to him]

Much:
Remember the times when we used to sit up here? Sit up here and say there was no finer place in England.

Robin:
Gisborne is stealing my life.

Much:
And you must let him. You heard Edward. The King is in danger. What is Locksley, if England can't be saved?

Robin:
At this moment I care more about Locksley than England.

Much:
It's not Locksley, is it? It's Marian. We must let her go. I say "we", I mean you.

Robin:
There must be a way.

Much:
Robin, the King is coming back! And if we can stop the Sheriff from messing things up, then England will be right again.

Robin:
Will it?

Much:
Yes! The Sheriff will be out, you'll be in. We're talking days, surely. I mean...you'll have your lands back! You'll be in Locksley and I'll be in Bonchurch. I mean, it's not a huge estate but it's big enough. A man could easily get lost in it. Easily.

[Robin laughs]

Robin:
You know something? If you want to get lost, why don't you start practising now?

Much:
You don't mean that. You know a smaller man would be offended. A smaller man would be wounded.

Robin:
You see there is no smaller man. You are the smaller man, Much. All you care about is the roof over your head, the food in your belly. You speak every facile thought that comes into your head. You're like a pox on my skin and I keep scratching, but you never go away.

[Pause. Much is upset]

[Much pushes Robin over]

Much:
You go away!

[He gets up and walks away]

Will:
This feels weird without Robin.

Much:
It's fine. He's made his decision. It's fine.

[Much shakes his head, takes off his hood and stops walking]

Much:
There is something I must do. I must find Robin.

[He runs away]

Little John:
It's down to us now.

[Much has run away from Nottingham and is in the field. He sees "King Richard"]

Much:
Ha! Woah! Your Majesty, welcome home!

[He runs up to "the King" but one of his men pushes him away]

Much:
Wha-? Your Majesty, I'm Much! I served in the King's Guard! Your Ma-!

[Much realises it's not the King and stands up]

[He looks to the left]

Much:
Edward.

[He looks to the right]

Much:
Marian.

[He looks back and forth, unsure about which way to go]

Marian:
My father! I must go to Nottingham!

Gisborne:
Your father will be safe; I have made provisions for him. You see, as my father-in-law he is protected. As my father-in-law.

Marian:
You are cruel!

Much:
This is wrong!

Priest:
You must have legal grounds to object or remain silent!

Much:
I have moral grounds! This man is a liar and a traitor and her heart belongs to another! Let her tell you that. Marian, my lady, tell them.

Gisborne:
Yes, Marian. Tell them.

Marian:
I am sorry but you are wrong. I know you mean well, but my heart lies here.

Much:
What? Surely this must be a mistake.

Gisborne:
Get him out of here!

[The guards drag Much away into the lake]

Much:
He needs you! Marian!

King Richard":
Arrest Sheriff Vaisey!

Sheriff:
... Me?

"King Richard":
Take him to the dungeons!

Sheriff:
Me?! [as he is dragged away] Me?! BLITHERING OAF!!! ME?! ARREST THEM!!! ARREST ALL OF THEM!!! THESE IDIOTIC BUFFOONS...!!!

Robin:
Do you take this man and this horse as your route out of here?

Marian:
I do!

[Robin races over to Marian. Much gets out of the lake]

Much:
Master! It's not the King. He's an imposter.

Robin:
A trap. I knew it. Who's there?

Much:
Everyone. The gang!

Marian:
Robin, my father! He leads the rebellion.

[Robin helps Marian onto his horse, and they race off to Nottingham, as they do, Marian takes off her veil and throws it away. Much gets on his horse and races off with them]

[Arriving at the gate to the castle]

Marian:
We can't be seen together.

Much:
We'd never get in anyway.

Marian:
I'll try the east gate.

Robin:
We'll try the west.

[Marian gets off the horse and walks to the east gate. Robin and Much race off to the west gate. Robin races back]

Robin:
Marian!

Marian:
Robin!

[Marian runs back and they kiss. Robin races to the west gate and Marian smiles and makes her way to the east gate]

Guard:
Former Sheriff, Edward of Knighton.

[Allan puts his hand on Edward's shoulder]

Allan:
Tell it how it is, Edward.

Edward:
I will.

Sheriff:
[Pretending to be a scribe] Do you wish to give evidence against the Sheriff?

Robin:
[Shoots arrows onto his sleeves, pinning him to the table] A clue: no!

[Robin knocks out a guard by hitting him with his bow and gestures to the exit]

Robin:
[to the gang] Shall we?

[the gang run up the stairs]

Allan:
Thought we were out of a job.

Will:
Good to have you back!

Robin:
It's good to be back.

Robin:
I think it's fair to say that an audience with the king has been suspended! Come on, lads. Let's go home.

[He winks at Marian, before leaving with the gang]

Sheriff:
[dangling from the ceiling; yelling at his minions] GET ME DOWN FROM HERE, YA BLITHERING OAFS...!!!

[The gang are walking away from the castle, happy, looking at each other and they jump in glee, shouting "Yeah!"]

Sheriff:
Yield, Locksley, or say farewell to your little Mulch.

Robin:
His name...is Much.

Sheriff:
Well, he'll be mulch in a moment.

Marian:
Ugh, what is it with men and glory? Glory above sense and above reason?

Robin:
It is principle.

Marian:
Principle is about making a difference and you can't do that if you're dead. You could have stayed here in the first place instead of following your king to the Holy Land if you cared so much about your precious people. But you didn't. You chose war. You chose glory.

Robin:
[softly] What is this about?

Marian:
It is about you saying that you care about the people of Locksley when the truth is you ran off to battle thousands of miles away.

Robin:
Trust me! I have a plan... Half a plan.

[Marian shakes her head]

Robin:
I love it when you look at me in anger.

Sheriff:
[After Robin has shot three arrows around the Sheriff's head] Impressive. But each arrow that hits the wood, well, that is a point lost, isn't it?

Sheriff:
Stop! STOP! Do not harm those men, they're free to go. I have an announcement to make.

Robin:
I...

Sheriff:
I, Vaisey, Sheriff of Nottingham...

Robin:
In recognition...

Sheriff:
In recognition...

Robin:
Of my...

Sheriff:
Of my illegal actions yesterday in Locksley...

Robin:
Do humbly apologise...

Sheriff:
Do humbly apologise to the innocent people who have suffered... at my hands!

Robin:
I promise to pay £500.

[Robin slips away]

Sheriff:
I promise to pay... No. No! I cannot. Go on. [turning to Robin] You will have to kill-- [notices Robin has gone] GUARDS! GUARDS! HERE! [goes back to the window] STOP THOSE MEN!

[The guards continue fighting Robin's men]

Much:
Let's go. What are you waiting for?

Robin:
Nothing.

Much:
Oh, please. You want to see the look on her face. You want to see the gratitude.

Joderic:
Two things are certain in life: death and taxes.

Robin:
Every time somebody breaks bread in Nettlestone, they will thank you, Joderic.

Joderic:
[chuckles] [dryly] Sure.

Robin:
Do me a favour. Tell them you have not seen me. Tell them this was your own scheme.

Joderic:
Why?

Robin:
My friends think I am vain!

Roy:
Let me get this straight: we're giving money to a tax collector.

Robin:
A bailiff.

Roy:
Oh, that makes all't difference.

Gisborne:
Nothing like a tragedy to bring out the do-gooders.

[After Djaq tells Much to renounce his god]

Much:
I do not believe in God. Nope. I don't. There.

[Allan touches Much on the shoulder, scaring him]

Allan:
Come on. Help me tie Bricker up.

[Much looks at Djaq, who smiles, then follows Allan]

Much:
[quietly while looking up at the sky] I do. Obviously.

Much:
[About the Sheriff celebrating the king's birthday in Locksley Manor] The Sheriff and his cronies. And their sycoph- sycophantic... It's galling. It's more than galling

Robin:
Much, you need to look after him.

Much:
Ho-ho, no. Master. Master, please. I mean, look at him. Surely.

Robin:
Well, you looked after me all these years.

Allan:
Yeah, but... he's a menace.

Much:
Yes! You know, I think that's the first time we've actually agreed on something.

[Much hands Harold a shish kebab on a broken arrow]

Much:
Learnt that in Cyprus. There, they, uh, called it-

Harold:
Shish kebabi.

[Pause]

Much:
Then you'll know how delicious they are.

[Much hands Harold the knife who begins cutting vegetables]

Djaq:
Are you sure it's a good idea to give him the knife?

Much:
He does have a name. He's called, uh... He's called Harold.

Much:
[to Harold] You tried to kill Djaq. Because she is a Saracen. Which, if I may say, is odd considering five minutes ago, you were gonna burn down a Christian church. I mean, come on, make your mind up.

Much:
Do you know when it's gonna happen, these turns?

Harold:
Anything can start it. I'm watching a child fishing in a stream. And suddenly, I'm looking in the water...

Much:
The water's full of bodies. Drowned. Left to rot.

Harold:
So you know.

Much:
Where were you?

Harold:
Nicea. Tripoli. Pelagonia.

Much:
We were at Acre.

Harold:
You must get the dreams.

Much:
Of course. It's our punishment.

Sheriff:
[while fighting the assassins and losing] I HATE THIS! THIS ISN'T MUCH FUN AT ALL!

Much:
I hate bats. Bats are rats. Rats with wings.

Djaq:
No, they're intelligent. Bats make noises you cannot hear.

Allan:
What's the point of that? Noises you can't hear.

Much:
What if there was a noise nobody could hear.

Allan:
[playfully] Shut up.

Much:
And then if you were the only person in the world who could hear it. Because I am that person. To see sense where others see nonsense. Just like the bat. I take it back. I like the bat. The bat is my friend. The bat understands me.

[Will is staring at Robin and panting after running to the cave]

Robin:
Will? What's the matter?

Will:
The king is coming.

Much:
Oh, this is a good day. After all, we have bread and the king is coming.

Marian:
Thank you. I do not know how to thank you.

Robin:
We'll think of something. [He winks at her] Come on! [He starts walking. Marian smiles and starts to walk but then falls to her knees]

Marian:
[quietly] Robin.

[Robin turns around; Marian grunts and grimaces in pain]

Robin:
Marian?

Allan:
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Will:
No.

Allan:
Well, if you're not thinking it, how d'y'know what it is?

Will:
I don't think like you do.

Allan:
I'm not being funny, maybe you should. What, you think Robin's gonna need us when he's a lord again? Eh? It's all right for them, Much with his lodge. What are we gonna have?

Will:
This should go to the poor.

Allan:
That's us now! Look, we were outlaws, right? We had a job. We got nothing now. We are the poor. You know what this is?

Will:
What?

Allan:
Severance pay.

Pitts:
You've been trained?

Djaq:
A little.

Pitts:
Good. Good. Then you've probably saved her life.

Much:
She has saved her life.

Sheriff:
You're getting slack, my friend! Could it have been easier for me? Hmmm? If you'd led me by the hand to your little hidey-hole? A clue: no!

Much:
Allan. Where are Allan and Will?

[Much looks at John; John nods]

John:
Now!

Much:
[aiming his bow at the Sheriff] STAND!

Sheriff:
Oh.

Much:
Stand or we shoot.

[The Sheriff looks around]

Sheriff:
Uh, there are two of you.

Much:
Last warning!

Sheriff:
How many do you think there could be of them?

Gisborne:
A dozen or so at the most.

[The Sheriff chuckles]

Gisborne:
Of the inner circle.

Sheriff:
... And how many of the outer circle?

Gisborne:
I don't know.

Sheriff:
Gisborne where is my tooth?

[A guard, fatally struck by an arrow, falls right in front of the Sheriff]

Sheriff:
What is this? Hood does not kill!

[After Robin has unsheathed his sword, ready to charge, Much unsheathes his sword]

Much:
[to Little John ] It's a good day!

[Robin, Little John, Much, and Djaq, screaming, charge at the guards]

Little John:
Come on, then!

Sheriff:
What is this? Is this suicide?

Marian:
Where've I been?

Robin:
I don't know. But I'm glad you're back. [he laughs]

Much:
"I'll send for a physician." He just killed one. He's revolting.

Marian:
He killed one?

Much:
Yes. Pitts. We thought he would denounce Gisborne, but he was a traitor. He was also revolting. I'm glad he is dead.

Allan:
Yeah, but she's gotta marry Gisborne now. Tomorrow.

Much:
True.

Robin:
Are you marrying him?

Marian:
I am marrying him.

Robin:
Very well.

Marian:
Pardon?

Robin:
You said grow up. I'm growing up.