The Vampire Diaries, Season 1

Stefan:
For over a century, I have lived in secret. Until now. i know the risk but i have to know her.

Bonnie:
Hold up, who's this?

Elena:
All I see is back.

Bonnie:
It's a hot back! I'm sensing Seattle and he plays a guitar.

Elena:
You're really going to run this whole psychic thing into the ground, huh?

Bonnie:
Pretty much.

Elena:
(about Matt) He hates me.

Bonnie:
That's not hate. That's, "You dumped me but I'm too cool to show it, but secretly I'm listening to Air Supply's greatest hits."

Elena:
People are going to stop giving you breaks, Jeremy. They just don't care any more. They don't remember that our parents are dead; they have their own lives to deal with. The rest of the world has moved on. You should try, too.

Jeremy:
I've seen you in the cemetery writing in your diary. Is that... is that supposed to be you moving on?

Caroline:
His name is Stefan Salvatore. He lives with his uncle up at the old Salvatore boarding house. He hasn't lived here since he was a kid. Military family, so they moved around a lot. He's a Gemini and his favorite color is blue.

Bonnie:
You got all that in one day?

Caroline:
Please. I got all that between third and fourth period. We're planning a June wedding.

Stefan:
I know it's late, but I needed to know if you're okay.

Elena:
You know, for months, that's all everyone's wondered about me, if I'll be OK.

Stefan:
What do you tell them?

Elena:
That I'll be fine.

Stefan:
Do you ever mean it?

Elena:
Ask me tomorrow. (Stefan stares at her) It's warmer in the house, we can talk. Would you like to come in?

Stefan:
(smiles) Yes.

Zach:
You promised. (shows him the newspaper with the news of the attack)

Stefan:
This was an animal attack.

Zach:
Don't give me that. I know the game - you tear them up enough and they always suspect an animal attack. You said you had it under control.

Stefan:
And I do.

Zach:
Please, Uncle Stefan. Mystic Falls is a different place now. It's been quiet for years, but there are people who still remember. And you being here, it's just going to stir things up.

Stefan:
It's not my intention.

Zach:
Then what is? Why did you come back after all this time? Why now?

Stefan:
I don't have to explain myself.

Zach:
I know that you can't change who you are, but you don't belong here anymore.

Stefan:
Where do I belong?

Zach:
I can't tell you what to do. But coming back here was a mistake.

Damon:
Your hair's different; I like it.

Stefan:
It's been 15 years, Damon.

Damon:
Thank God! Couldn't take another day of the 90's. That horrible grunge look did not suit you. Remember Stefan, it's important to stay away from fads.

Stefan:
What are you doing here?

Damon:
I missed my little brother.

Stefan:
You hate small towns; they're boring, there's nothing for you to do.

Damon:
I've been keeping myself busy.

Stefan:
You left that girl alive tonight. That was very careless of you.

Damon:
Yeah, that could be a problem... for you.

Damon:
Is it working? Being in her world? Does it make you feel alive?

Damon:
I was impressed. I'll give it a six. Missing style, but I was pleasantly surprised. Very good with the whole face thing, it was good.

Stefan:
It's all fun and games, huh, Damon? But wherever you go, people die.

Damon:
That's a given.

Stefan:
Not here, I won't allow it.

Damon:
I take that as an invitation.

Stefan:
Damon, please, after all these years, can't we just give it a rest?

Damon:
I promised you an eternity of misery, so I'm just keeping my word.

Stefan:
Stay away from Elena.

Damon:
I take that as an invitation.

Stefan's journal:

I shouldn't have come home. I know the risk. But I had no choice. I have to know her.

I lost control today. Everything I've kept buried inside came rushing to the surface. I'm simply not able to resist her.

I had a plan. I wanted to change who I was, create a life as someone new, someone without the past. Someone alive.

They follow you. You can't escape them - as much as you want to.

Elena's diary:

Dear Diary, Today will be different. It has to be. I will smile, and it will be believable. My smile will say, "I'm fine, thank you. Yes, I feel much better." I will no longer be the sad little girl that lost her parents. I will start fresh, be someone new. It's the only way I'll make it through.

Dear Diary, I made it through the day. I must have said "I'm fine, thanks" at least 37 times. And I didn't mean it once. But no one noticed. When someone asks "How are you?", they really don't want an answer.

Dear Diary, I couldn't have been more wrong. I thought that I could smile and nod my way through it, pretend like it would all be okay.

Without the pain. Someone alive. But it's not that easy. Bad things stay with you.

All you can do is be ready for the good, so when it comes, you invite it in. Because you need it. I need it.

Bonnie:
I was talking to Gram, and she said that the comet is a sign of impending doom. The last time it pasted over Mystic Falls there was lots of death, so much blood and carnage it created a bed of paranormal activity.

Caroline:
Yeah, then you poured Grams another shot and she told you about the aliens.

Elena:
We never got to the texting part.

Bonnie That's an important part in any relationship.

Jenna:
Eat anyway. It's a ruse. I wanna talk.

Damon:
Were you successful? Did the powers of persuasion work? Remember if you don't feed properly, none of those little tricks work right.

Stefan:
How long was Elena here?

Damon:
Are you worried, Stefan? Scared we may be doomed to repeat the past? Isn't that why you play your little game 'I'm a high school human'?

Stefan:
I'm not playing any game.

Damon:
Of course you are. We both know the closest you'll ever get to humanity is when you rip it open and feed on it.

Damon:
You must be Elena?I'm Damon Stefan's borther.

Elena:
He didn't tell me he had a brother.

Damon:
Stefan's not the one to brag.Please , come.I'm shore Stefan will be along in second.

Elena:
He (Damon) told me about your ex, Katherine?

Stefan:
What did he say?

Elena:
She broke your heart.

Stefan:
It was a long time ago.

Elena:
When you lose someone, it stays with you. Always reminding you of how easy it is to get hurt.

Stefan:
Elena…

Elena :
It's okay, Stefan. I get it. You have no idea how much I get it. Complicated brother? Check. Complicated Ex? Check. Too complicated to even contemplate dating? Double check. It's okay. We met and we talked and it was epic, but then the sun came up and reality set in.

Vicki:
I know you.

Damon:
Well, that's unfortunate.

Damon:
You have two choices. You can feed and make her forget. Or you can let her run screaming vampire through the town square.

Stefan:
That's what this is about? You wanna expose me?

Damon:
No! I want you to remember who you are!

Stefan:
Why? So what, so I'll feed, so I'll kill, so I'll remember what it's like to be brothers again? You know what, let her go. Let her tell everyone that vampires have returned to Mystic Falls, let them chain me up and let them drive a stake through my heart, 'cause then at least I'll be free of you.

Damon:
It's good to be home. I think I might stay awhile, this town could use a bit of a wake up call, don't you think?

Stefan:
What are you up to, Damon?

Damon:
That's for me to know and to you to... dot, dot, dot.

Elena:
So the thing is, I got home tonight planning on doing what I always do. Write in my diary, like I have been since my mother gave me one when I was 10. It's where I get everything out and it all goes in this one little book, that I hide on the 2nd shelf behind this really hideous ceramic mermaid. But then I realized I would just be writing things I should probably be talking about.

Stefan:
What would you write?

Elena:
I would write, Dear Diary, Today I convinced myself it's okay to give up. Don't take risks. Stick with the status quo, no drama. Now just isn't the time. But my reasons aren't reasons they're excuses. All I'm doing is hiding from the truth and the truth is, I'm scared Stefan. I'm scared that if I let myself be happy for one moment, that the my worlds going to come crashing down and I don't know if I'll be able to survive that.

Stefan:
Do you want to know what I would write? I met a girl, we talked and it was epic. Then the sun came up and reality set in. Well, this is reality... right here.

Elena:
That throw was insane! I didn't know you play football.

Stefan:
I used to. It was a long time ago.

Elena:
So why don't you try out for the team?

Stefan:
Yeah, I don't think so.

Elena:
So you don't like football?

Stefan:
No, I love football; I think it's a great sport. But in this case I don't think football likes me. You saw Tyler over there, and we both know how Matt feels.

Elena:
They don't know you. To them you're just mysterious loner guy. Wouldn't hurt to be a part of the team, make some friends.

Stefan:
Says the girl who spends her alone-time writing in a cemetery.

Elena:
Hey, come on, there's more to me than just gloomy graveyard girl. There's a whole other Elena you have yet to meet. She was into everything, very busy.

Stefan:
Well I look forward to meeting her, and when will that be?

Elena:
Soon. She's working on it.

Bonnie:
Fine. Well, how about this. Today, I'm obsessed with numbers. Three numbers. I keep seeing 8, 14, and 22. How weird is that?

Elena:
Maybe we should play the lottery?

Damon (about Stefan):
That's what I always tell him - you have to engage. You can't just sit there and wait for life to come to you, you have to go get it.

Caroline:
Yeah, Elena wasn't so lucky today. (to Elena) It's only because you missed summer camp. God, I don't know how you're ever gonna learn the routines...

Bonnie:
I'll work with her. She'll get it.

Caroline (to herself):
I guess we can put her in the back...

Damon:
You know, you don't-- you don't seem like the 'cheerleader type', Elena.

Caroline:
Oh, it's just 'cause her parents died. Yeah, I mean, she's just totally going through a 'blah' phase. (chuckling to herself) She used to be way more fun... And...I say that with complete sensitivity.

Damon:
I'm sorry, Elena. I know what it's like to lose both your parents. In fact, Stefan and I have watched almost every single person we've ever cared about die.

Stefan:
We don't need to get into that right now, Damon.

Damon:
Ah, you know what? You're right, Stef. I'm sorry, I-- the last thing I wanted to do was bring her up...

Damon:
(holds up an empty glass) One more.

Elena:
Oh, thank you. (gasps when she accidentally drops the glass)

Damon:
(miraculously catches the glass before it hits the floor; presents it to Elena)

Elena:
(laughs) Nice save.

Damon:
I like you - you know how to laugh. And you make Stefan smile, which is something I haven't seen in a very long time.

Elena:
Earlier, did you mean...Katherine?

Damon:
Mm-hmm.

Elena:
How did she die?

Damon:
In a fire - a tragic fire.

Elena:
Recently?

Damon:
It seems like it was yesterday.

Elena:
What was she like?

Damon:
She was beautiful - a lot like you in that department. She was also very complicated, and selfish, and at times not very kind, but very sexy and seductive.

Elena:
So, which one of you dated her first? (passes Damon a plate)

Damon:
(chuckles) Nicely deduced. Ask Stefan - I'm sure his answer differs from mine. (closes dishwasher)

Elena:
(exhales)

Damon:
I'd quit cheerleading if I were you.

Elena:
Why do you say that?

Damon:
Oh, I saw you at practice. You looked miserable.

Elena:
You saw that?

Damon:
Am I wrong?

Elena:
(sighs) I used to love it. It was fun. Things are different this year - everything that used to matter doesn't anymore.

Damon:
So don't let it. Quit, move on. Problem solved. Ta-da...

Elena:
(chuckles) Some things could matter again.

Damon:
Maybe. But...seems a little unrealistic to me.

(brief pause)

Elena:
I'm sorry.

Damon:
(looks confused)

Elena:
About Katherine. You lost her, too.

(for once, Damon is speechless)

Stefan:
They are people, Damon. She's not a puppet - she doesn't exist for your amusement; for you to feed on whenever you want to.

Damon:
Sure she does. They all do. They're whatever I want them to be. They're mine for the taking.

Stefan:
All right, you've had your fun. You used Caroline, you got to me and Elena. Good for you. Now it's time for you to go.

Damon:
That's not a problem. Because...I've been invited in. And I'll come back tomorrow night, and the following night, and I'll do, with your little cheerleader, whatever I want to do. Because that is what is normal to me.

Elena:
You scared me!What are you doing in here?

Damon:
I'm hiding from Caroline.

Elena:
And why is that?

Damon:
I need a break.She talks more than I can listen.

Elena:
That can be a scine.

Damon:
Plus she's afully young.

Elena:
Not much younger than you are.

Damon:
I can't see going anywhere in a bigger picture.I think she drives me crazy.

Elena:
Calorine does have some really anoying trades but we've been friends since the first grade and that means something to me.

Damon:
I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable.It's just not my atention.

Elena:
Yes , it is.Other ways you wouldn't put alternative meaning behind everything you say.

Damon:
You're right.I do have other antentions but so do you.

Elena:
Really?

Damon:
Mhm.I see them.You want me.

Elena:
Excuse me?

Damon:
I get to you.You find yourself druant to me.You think about me when you don't want to think about me.I bet you even dreamed about me.And right now you wanna kiss me.

Elena(slaps him):
What a hell?I don't know what kind of game you're trying to play with Stefan here , but I don't want to be part of it.And I don't know what happened in the past , but let's get one thing straight - I am not Katherine!

Matt Donovan:
This week at practice I was a dick.

Stefan:
You had your reasons.

Matt Donovan:
No excuse. Good luck, we're lucky to have you.

(Matt and Stefan shake hands and Matt walks away)

Damon:
(gives Stefan a slow clap) Isn't that nice? Stefan joins the team, makes a friend. It's all so Rah-Rah, go team! Yeah!

Stefan:
Not tonight. I'm done with you.

Damon:
Nice trick with Elena. Let me guess, vervain in the necklace? I admit I was a bit surprised; it's been a while since anyone has been able to resist my compulsion. Where'd you get it?

Stefan:
Does it matter?

Damon:
Guess I could seduce her the old fashioned way. Or I could just...eat her.

Stefan:
No, you're not going to hurt her, Damon.

Damon:
No?

Stefan:
Because deep down inside there is a part of you that feels for her. I was worried that you had no humanity left inside you, that you had actually become that monster you pretend to be.

Damon:
Who's pretending?

Stefan:
Then kill me.

Damon:
Well, I'm tempted.

Stefan:
No, you're not. You've had lifetimes to do it and yet, here I am. I'm still alive and there you are. You're still haunting me after 145 years. Katherine is dead and you hate me because you loved her and you torture me because you still do. And that, my brother, is your humanity.

Damon:
I just wanna let you know - they caught the culprit. The animal responsible for killing coach Tanner and all those people.

Stefan:
What are you talking about?

Damon:
It was a mountain lion. (makes gesture) A really big one. It attacked a hunter this morning - it's all over the news. 'Deadly beast captured. All is well in Mystic Falls.'

Damon:
What's so special about this Bella girl, anyway? Edward's so whipped.

Caroline:
You have to read the first book first, otherwise it won't make sense.

Damon:
Ugh, I miss Ann Rice - she was so on it.

Caroline:
Hey, how come you don't sparkle?

Damon:
Because I live in the real world where vampires burn in the sun.

Caroline:
Yeah, but you go in the sun.

Damon:
I have a ring, it protects me. Long story.

Caroline:
Are these bites going to turn me into a vampire?

Damon:
It's more complicated than that. You have to feed on my blood, then die, then feed on a human - it's a whole ordeal. This book, by the way, has it all wrong.

Stefan:
Can't touch her now.

Damon:
Well, the vervain keeps me out of her head. Maybe that's not my target. Believe it or not, Stefan, some girls don't need my persuasion. Some girls just can't resist my good looks, my style, my charm... and my unflinching ability to listen to Taylor Swift. (stabs Stefan in the stomach)

Damon:
This is John Varvatos, dude. Dick move.

Damon:
I like being the eternal stud.

Stefan:
Yes, being a one hundred and fifty year old teenager has been the height of my happiness.

Damon:
I'm not some drunk sorority chick. You can't roofie me.

Damon:
I'm going to have to go to the party upset. Who knows what I'll do?

Stefan (narrating):
The real animal is still out there. Waiting for me, challenging me to fight back to stop him. But how do I stop the monster without becoming one myself?

Logan:
I know you. You have a lot more insults in you, I can tell.

Jenna:
Your hairline's receding.

Logan:
No, it's not. You wanna have lunch?

Jenna:
Nope.

Logan:
You haven't changed a bit.

Jenna:
Oh, yes I have. I'm meaner now.

Caroline:
(looks at Stefan and Elena) They look so cute together.

Damon:
Don't talk, please.

Elena:
Look, you're the mystery guy and I like that. But with mystery comes secrets...and this thing with Katherine…

Stefan:
You know, let it go. I don't wanna talk about it.

Elena:
Well, then say something about yourself. Anything. Otherwise, I'm left with nothing but what other people tell me.

Stefan:
Look, there are things that you don't know, okay? Things that I want to tell you but I can't, and I may never be able to...and I just need you to trust me.

Elena:
Trust is earned - I can't just magically hand it over.

Stefan (narrating):
I did what I had to do...to protect Elena...to protect everyone. Yes, Damon, the headline reads: "Deadly beast captured. All is well in Mystic Falls."

Elena:
Jenna, are you aware of what's going on upstairs?

Jenna:
Uh huh…

Elena:
And...you have no objection?

Jenna:
He could be craftier about it. At least make an effort to sneak her in and out.

Jenna:
Have you called him?

Elena:
Nope, not going to either.

Jenna:
And you're okay with everything?

Elena:
No, I'm not okay with any of it. I'm not gonna cry about it either. You know, I was going to write in my diary this morning and then I thought, what am I going to write? Honestly, I'm not gonna be one of those pathetic girls whose world stops spinning because of some guy.

Zach:
You appear unannounced, reminding me that this isn't my house, that you're just permitting me to live here. Hell, that you're permitting me to live.

Damon:
Someone had to mow the lawn.

Elena:
I think there's something that he doesn't want me to know, which...makes me wanna know all the more.

Matt:
Like what? Like that he's a serial killer and he keeps a clown suit in his trunk?

Stefan:
Talk to who? I'm so sorry that I'm late.

Elena:
What happened?

Stefan:
I got held up.

Elena:
Is everything okay?

Stefan:
There's this thing with my uncle.

Elena:
And you couldn't call and tell me you're going to be an hour late?

Stefan:
I'm really sorry. It was unavoidable.

Elena:
What was unavoidable? (Stefan looks down) Okay.

Stefan:
No. Er. Elena, please.

Elena:
No, Stefan, don't you get it? Every question gets a vague non-answer. What is so awful that you're afraid to tell me?

Stefan Hey, can I take you home? And, and we can talk about all this. Is that okay?

Elena:
Wait, what was that?

Stefan:
I, I dunno. Nothing.

Elena:
Right. Nothing. Okay, I gotta go, Stefan.

Stefan:
(to Elena) You wanna know me, right? Well, I figure if you're gonna dump me, you should at least...uhmm...know who you're dumping.

Stefan:
I do know that I did some things that..I'm not proud of. And my biggest regret..is not being able to make it right before she died.

Stefan:
You know what? I even like that one Miley song. Easy…

Elena:
I didn't say anything.

Elena:
Uhmm...I think that my paranoia has turned into full blown hallucinations.

Stefan:
Part of your charm.

Logan:
(to Elena) Hi...Elena, right? I think I met you once when you were nine.

Jenna:
Your emotional maturity level when we were together.

Logan:
Ouch! And here I thought we're making progress.

Logan:
Wait. One condition. Dinner, tonight, your house.

Jenna:
Fine, but you're eating leftovers.

Logan:
Oooh…

Matt:
(to Stefan) Hey...I'm not saying this for you, I'm saying it for her. But she's big on trust. So, whatever you're holding back from her, the more you try to hide it, the more she won't stop 'til she figures it out.

Sheriff Forbes:
Honey, are you okay? Anything you wanna talk about? Is it a boy thing?

Caroline:
Mom, if I wanna talk boys, I'll call dad. At least he's successfully dating one.

Elena:
Dear Diary, I'm not a believer. People are born, they grow old, and then they die. That's the world we live in. There's no magic, no mysticism, no immortality. There is nothing that defies rational thought. It's not possible. I'm not a believer, I can't be. But how can I deny what's right in front of me? Someone who never grows old...never gets hurt...someone who changes in ways that can't be explained. Girls bitten...bodies drained of blood...

Elena:
(to Stefan) What are you?

Elena:
What are you?

Stefan:
You know.

Elena:
No. I don't.

Stefan:
Yes, you do, or you wouldn't be here.

Elena:
It's not possible. It can't be.

Stefan:
Everything you know, and every belief that you have, is about to change. Are you ready for that?

Elena:
What are you?

Stefan:
(pause) I'm a vampire.

Elena:
I shouldn't have come.

Stefan:
No....please...please.

Elena:
No! (turns and runs towards her car)........How did you do that?

Stefan:
Please don't be afraid of me.

Stefan:
I'll explain everything to you, but I beg you, Elena...do not tell anybody.

Elena:
How can you ask me that?

Stefan:
Because you knowing this is dangerous! For so many reasons. You can hate me, but I need you to trust me.

Elena:
Just go. Just go, please...go. If you mean me no harm then you'll go.

Stefan:
I never wanted this.

Damon:
Where are you, Stefan? I'm trapped, at the house, and I'm getting really bored and really impatient, and I don't do bored and impatient.

Damon:
I want my ring.

Stefan:
Where are you?

Damon:
I'm at the sizzler. I had the buffet. Where's my ring?

Stefan:
I don't have it. Where are you? What have you done?

Damon:
Nooo, what have YOU done? You're the one that locked me in the basement and starved me, so whatever I've done - whoever I've sucked dry - is on you, buddy.

Stefan:
You're being careless. How many more animal attacks is this town gonna believe, huh?

Damon:
I know how to cover my tracks, Stefan! Where's my ring?!

Stefan:
I gave it to Zach to hide. You probably shouldn't have killed him.

Damon:
Ahhh, you almost got me. Where is it?

Stefan:
I'll get it back. But I need time.

Damon:
What, did you Fed-Ex it to Rome?! Where is it?! I want my ring, Stefan...or my next stop's Elena's.

Stefan:
I already want you dead; don't give me another reason to make it happen.

Damon:
Don't give me another reason to rip you apart.

Stefan:
Yeah? Is that gonna be before or after you get your ring back?

Damon:
Just get it.

Stefan:
Elena...give me today. I will answer any questions that you have, and when it's over, you can decide for yourself what you want to do with what you know. It'll be your choice.

Elena:
What are we doing here?

Stefan:
I want to show you something.

Elena:
In the middle of nowhere?

Stefan:
This didn't use to be "nowhere." This used to be my home.

Stefan:
What Damon wants, Damon usually gets.

Elena:
So how...?

Stefan:
I've been 17 years old since 1864.

Stefan:
That's the thing about Damon. He doesn't get mad. He just gets even.

Elena:
You knew Katherine in 1864? Damon made it seem like...

Stefan:
Damon was trying to make you think that I was still heart-broken. He saw that I was happy with you and he wanted to ruin it.

Elena:
All because you loved the same woman, a hundred and forty-five years ago?

Stefan:
That necklace contains an herb called Vervain. It protects you from being compelled. I wanted to protect you from Damon's influence. But I also wanted to protect you from me.

Vicki:
Don't you want to be in love?

Damon:
I've been in love. It's painful, pointless, and overrated.

Damon:
No more talking. Let's dance!

Damon:
I think I know what can help you.

Vicki:
What's that?

Damon:
Death.

Stefan:
Right now, she doesn't remember anything. A part of her's still human. Slowly, the deeper she gets into the transition, the memories will start to come back, and then she'll know she has to make the choice.

Elena:
The same choice you made?

Damon:
May I come in? Oh wait, of course I can, I've been invited.

Damon:
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess - Stefan finally fessed up.

Damon:
Don't look at me with those judgy little eyes. That girl is gonna thank me for what I did to her.

Elena:
Did you thank Katherine?

Damon:
Got the whole life story, huh?

Elena:
I got enough.

Damon:
Oh, I doubt that.

Damon:
Tip for later - be careful who you invite in the house

Damon:
(when Logan tried to kill Stefan and Damon saved him) If anyone's gonna kill you, it's gonna be me.

Stefan:
I'll take care of it. I'll find her and I will show her that she can live like I do. I'm gonna make sure that she does not hurt anybody, Elena, I promise you…

Elena:
What do I tell my brother, and...and Matt?!

Stefan:
We'll come up with a story.

Elena:
You mean we'll come up with a lie?

Stefan:
I'm so sorry…

Elena:
I gave you today just like you asked. And I understand that you would never do anything to hurt me, and I promise I will keep your secret, but...I can't be with you, Stefan. I'm sorry, I...I just can't.

Damon:
You...don't talk.

Tyler:
Screw you, dude!

Damon:
Dude? Really? Dude?

Stefan:
Damon, don't-

Damon:
Oh come on, who one's gonna miss this idiot?

Elena:
You shouldn't skip school. If they find her we'll know. That's what cellphones are for.

Jeremy:
Yeah, your lips keep moving. I don't know why.

Vicki:
What is it?

Stefan:
It's what you're craving.

Damon:
Huh! Don't lie to the girl. It's so not what you're craving, but it'll do in a pinch. Right, Stef?

Vicki:
What is it?

Damon:
Yeah, what is it? Is it skunk? St. Bernard? Bambi?

Damon:
Don't listen to him. He walks on a moral plane way out of our eye line. I say snatch, eat, erase.

Stefan:
We choose our own path. Our values and our actions, they define who we are.

Damon:
Okay, Count Deepak! I am outta here.

Elena:
Is Stefan here?

Damon:
Yup.

Elena:
Where is he?

Damon:
And good morning to you, little miss 'I'm on a mission.'

Elena:
How can you be so arrogant and glib after everything that you've done?

Damon:
And how can you be so brave and stupid as to call a vampire 'arrogant and glib'?

Elena:
If you wanted me dead, I'd be dead.

Damon:
Yes, you would.

Elena:
But I'm not.

Damon:
Yet.

Elena:
Where is Stefan?

Damon:
He's upstairs, singing "The Rain In Spain." Knock yourself out.

Vicki:
This daylight thing is a bitch! I need more blood! Where's your bathroom? I have to pee. Why do I have to pee? I thought I was dead!

Vicki:
You did this to me out of boredom?

Damon:
It's one of the pitfalls of eternity.

Vicki:
Now I'm bored.

Damon:
Well, your life was pathetic; your afterlife doesn't have to be.

Stefan:
She could hurt someone.

Damon:
I'm not taking her to Disneyland. We're going to the front yard.

Damon:
Come on, Vicki - live a little! No pun intended.

Damon:
(glibly) You should go. I got this.

Elena:
You did this. This is your fault.

Damon:
You confuse me for someone with remorse.

Elena:
People die around you. How could it not matter? It matters and you know it.

(Elena slaps him; he catches her wrist and grips tightly)

Damon:
None of this matters to me. None of it.

Jeremy:
Why does everybody have to die on me?

Elena:
Are you okay?

Stefan:
I, uh… I wanted to help her. But instead... How's he doing?

Elena:
He's a mess. I don't want him going through this again. He's just a kid.

Stefan:
Elena, what can I do? What can I do to help? I'll do anything.

Elena:
Can you make him forget?

Stefan:
Elena...

Elena:
Stefan, please. I don't know how he'll ever get past this. I just want him to forget everything that happened.

Stefan:
If I did it, there's no guarantee that it will work - because of who I am, because of how I live...I don't have the ability to do it right.

Damon:
(steps up to the porch) I can do it. If this is what you want...I'll do it.

Elena:
It's what I want.

Damon:
What do you want him to know?

Elena:
I want you to tell him that Vicki left town. And she's not coming back. That he shouldn't look for her or worry about her. He's gonna miss her, but he knows it's for the best.

(Damon goes into the house)

Elena (to Stefan):
Part of me wants to forget, too. Forget meeting you, finding out what you are, and everything that happened since.

Stefan:
If that's what you want.

Elena:
Yes, it is. Because I don't want it to be like this. I don't want to feel like this. But I can't. With everything that's happened...I can't lose the way I feel about you.

(Damon exits the house)

Damon:
It's done.

Lexi:
Well, let's hope she's better than the last girl you got a sprung over.

Stefan:
You didn't even know Katherine.

Lexi:
'Cause if I did I'd kick her ass. Old bitch. Speaking of - where's Damon?

Stefan:
Inflicting misery somewhere.

Stefan:
Katherine and Elena may look the same on the outside, but on the inside they are completely different.

Lexi:
Oh...so Elena's not a raging bitch then, huh?

Lexi:
So...this Elena girl. She'll come around, I'm sure of it. Have you had sex yet?

Stefan:
No.

Lexi:
Sex always works. I mean, you'll rock her world so hard with your vamp sex she'll be yours forever.

Stefan:
Well, you see, this isn't about sex or...or compulsion or any of our other tricks. She has to want to be with me on her own terms.

Lexi:
Wow...that sounded all mature and grown up.

Stefan:
Well, I'm not getting any older.

(...)

Stefan:
Elena is warm and kind and caring and selfless and it's real. When I'm around her, I completely forget where I am.

Lexi:
Oh my God… You're in love with her.

Stefan:
Yup… Yeah I am.

Lexi:
Wow…

Damon:
Hello, Lexi. What an unexpected surprise.

Lexi:
Unexpected surprise? I think the wrong brother went back to high school.

Damon:
Aww… You mean you didn't come all this way to see me?

Lexi:
That's it, Damon. After a century, I finally realized death means nothing without you. Do me.

Damon:
Why are you so mean to me?

Lexi:
Uh, have you met you? You're not a nice person.

Damon:
Well, because I'm a vampire.

Lexi:
But you're only the bad parts.

Jeremy:
Want to keep it down over there?

Jenna:
Why, what are you doing?

Jeremy:
Homework.

Elena:
Since when do you do homework?

Jeremy:
I have to finish this. I'm way behind and I have a quiz tomorrow, so...

Elena:
What do you think...alien?

Jenna:
Some sort of replicate.

Jeremy:
He can hear you...

Caroline:
Well are you having a good time?

Damon:
Do you have my crystal?

Caroline:
No.

Damon:
Then I'm not having a good time.

Stefan (to Lexi):
(awkwardly dancing) Just do me a favor. Tell me if you see Damon with his camera phone.

Damon:
Stefan smiles - alert the media!

Elena:
You haven't given him a lot of reasons to be happy lately.

Damon:
Does it get tiring? Being so righteous?

Elena:
(smirks) It flares up in the presence of psychopaths.

Damon:
Ouch! Well consider this psychopath's feelings hurt.

Elena:
What did you do to my brother?

Damon:
I'mma need a less vague question…

Lexi:
Ah. The famous Elena.

Elena:
Towel girl.

Lexi:
I've been called worse. Here.

(Lexi hands Elena a shot)

Elena:
I didn't know that you guys could drink.

Lexi:
Oh, yeah. It helps curb the cravings. But makes for a lot of lushy vamps.

Elena:
You know, I've never seen Stefan drunk. He always seems so...

Lexi:
Uptight?

Elena:
Yeah.

Lexi:
Yeah.

Elena:
But not with you.

Lexi:
Well, that's the benefit of knowing someone for over a hundred years. You can just be yourself.

Elena:
Yeah, he can't be himself with me.

Lexi:
Well, not yet. The first step was him telling you. The rest comes with time.

Elena:
You seem so sure.

Lexi:
The love of my life was human. He went through what I imagine you're going through: denial, anger, et cetera. But at the end of the day, love really did conquer all.

Elena:
I'm scared.

Lexi:
But you're here. 'Cause you're crazy about him. I get, okay? I mean...what's not to love?

Lexi:
When it's real, you can't walk away.

Stefan:
Thank you.

Lexi:
You weren't supposed to be listening. (pause) I was feeling epic. Whatever.

Stefan:
You came.

Elena:
I couldn't miss your hundredth and...whatever birthday.

Caroline:
Am I shallow?

Matt:
Is that a trick question?

Caroline:
I don't mean to be. Yeah, I wanna be deep. I wanna be like...the abyss deep.

Matt:
No offense, Care, but...deep's really not your scene.

Caroline:
It's true. I'm shallow. I am worse than shallow. (starts to cry) I'm a kiddie pool.

Damon:
I have a diabolical master plan.

Lexi:
What is it?

Damon:
Well, if I told you, it wouldn't be very diabolical, now would it?

Elena:
Stefan..., Stefan...

Stefan:
He killed her. He killed Zach. He killed Tanner. He turned Vicki. I have to kill him.

Elena:
No. You can't do that.

Stefan:
Why are you trying to save him? He's never gonna change. Don't you see that? He's never gonna change.

Elena:
I'm not trying to save him - I'm trying to save you. You have no idea what this will do to you. Please, Stefan.

Stefan:
Everywhere that I go, pain and death follow. Damon follows me. No more.

Elena:
Please. Please, just talk to me. Let me be here for you. Talk to me.

Stefan:
You were right to stay away from me.

Damon:
Come on. I did this for you, to get them off our trail.

Stefan:
You never do anything for anyone but yourself. (stabs Damon with a wooden stake)

Damon:
(grimacing in pain) You missed.

Stefan:
You saved my life - I'm sparing yours. We're even. And now, we're done.

Damon:
Rise and shine! You'll be late for school!

Stefan:
What are you-- what are you doing?

Damon:
Peace offering. (lifts a mug of coffee) C'mon, you need it for blood circulation. It does dead flesh good.

(Stefan glares in silence)

Damon:
Alright, I'm sorry.

Stefan:
Step aside, please.

Damon:
I got the town off our back. It was for the greater good - but I'm sorry! And to prove it, I'm not going to feed on a human. For at least a...week. I'll adopt the Stefan diet. Only nothing with feathers.

Stefan (mimicking Damon):
Because I realize that killing your closest and oldest friend is beyond evil, and yet, somehow, it's worthy of humor.

Damon:
Are you mimicking me?

Stefan:
Yes, Stefan. Now that the secret society of vampire haters is off our back, I can go back to my routine of how can I destroy Stefan's life this week.

Damon (mimicking Stefan):
And I can go back to sulking and Elena-longing and forehead-brooding. (in his own voice) This is fun, I like this.

Stefan (mimicking Damon):
And I will finally reveal the ulterior motive behind my evil and diabolical return to Mystic Falls.

Damon:
(pauses) Yeah, I'm done. (turns to leave)

Damon (mimicking Stefan):
This is so like you, Damon - always have to have the last word.

Matt:
Hey.

Caroline:
Hey. What is that?

Matt:
What is what?

Caroline:
The "hey." That is twice. That is two heys. That's...do you have any other words in your vocabulary?

Matt:
What's wrong with hey?

Caroline:
It reeks of awkward subtext. You just spent the night in my bed. There was cuddling. Then you snuck out before dawn so you wouldn't have to face me. Which, I must say, is a total lame guy move. Which I did not appreciate. Now, with the heys? Seriously? I mean, I may have been some pathetic, insecure mess after the party, but do not mistake that for me being a pushover. Because I do not let guys mess with my head anymore.

Matt:
I heard your mom in the morning. I didn't want to get you in trouble, so I went out the window.

Caroline:
You went out the window? Well, another lame guy move.

Matt:
Your mom's a sheriff. And as for the heys, I'm pretty sure it's what I've said to you every day since the first grade.

Caroline:
Oh.

Matt:
Trying to read something into it - lame girl move.

Elena:
I'm sorry, Stefan. I thought that I couldn't be with you, but I can. You don't have to push me away. I can do this.

Stefan:
I can't. I, uh, I have to leave, Elena. Too many people died. Too much has happened.

Elena:
What? No, I know you think you're protecting me, but -

Stefan:
Elena, I have to. Coming back was... It was a mistake. I can't be a part of your life anymore.

Elena:
Don't go, Stefan. Please. You don't have to. This is your home, you just... Please don't go.

Stefan:
(after kissing Elena's hand) Goodbye, Elena. (Turning his back and leaving, still in the woods)

Elena:
You're just gonna walk away? Don't walk away, Stefan. Stefan!

Logan:
See, I know what you and your brother are. I've been watching the two of you. I knew you'd show up here. And I'm glad you did. Because I have some questions.

Damon:
Me first. Who turned you?

Logan:
How should I know? Last thing I remember is I'm about to stake your brother and then you grabbed me. That's it. Until I wake up in the ground behind a used car dealership on Highway 4. Somebody buried me.

Damon:
It happens.

Logan:
You bit me. It had to be you.

Damon:
You have to have vampire blood in your system when you die. I didn't do that. Some other vampire found you. Gave you their blood.

Logan:
Who?

Damon:
That's what I want to know.

Logan:
Dude! It's not like the welcome wagon was waiting with a bunk cake and a handbook. It's been a learn-as-you-go process. One minute, I'm a small town, on the rise news guy, and the next thing I know, I can't get inside my house because my foot won't go through the door.

Damon:
You have to be invited in.

Logan:
I know. I live alone.

Damon:
Oh, that sucks.

Elena:
I'm guessing you're not here to plan the path for your future. You're looking out for me.

Stefan:
Hope that's okay. (After a little while) You know I, uh, I wanted to be a doctor before everything happened. But I couldn't, this...

Elena:
The blood?

Stefan:
Yeah. I've dabbled in a bunch of different things, though.

Elena:
Didn't love anything enough to stick to it?

Stefan:
No, I've loved it all, I just... I had to move on before anybody could notice that I wasn't...getting any older.

Elena:
How long before that would happen?

Stefan:
Few years, usually. Sometimes shorter.

Elena:
And you always left?

Stefan:
I didn't have a choice. So! What about, what about you? What are your plans for the future?

Elena:
I don't want to talk about my future, Stefan. Because everything you're saying is making it perfectly clear that you're not going to be in it.

Stefan:
No, Elena, it's not that I don't want to be, it's...

Elena:
You can't, I get it. I heard you the first time, and the second time. And I appreciate you looking out for me, but, please, if you're gonna leave, then just go.

Elena:
What I said earlier, about you leaving... It was harsh.

Stefan:
No, no, you... You had every right.

Elena:
You asked me what I wanted my future to be. I wanted to be a writer. My mom sort of pushed me into that direction from the time I was able to read. She supported me, encouraged me, bought me my first journal...and then she died. And I can't see myself being a writer any more. That was something that we shared. I know that you think that you brought all of this bad stuff into my life, but my life already had it. I was buried in it.

Stefan:
This is different.

Elena:
It doesn't make it any less painful.

Stefan:
I know that it's...that it's hard to understand, but I'm doing this for you. (Gets out of the car, leaving Elena inside)

Elena:
(Thinks, and gets out of the car, with a determined face) No. You don't get to make that decision for me. If you walk away, it's for you, because I know what I want. Stefan, I love you.

Elena:
Gah!

Damon:
How you doing up there?

Elena:
Damon?

Damon:
You look stuck.

Elena:
(sobbing) It's- it's my seatbelt.

Damon:
Shh, shh, shhh. (wrenches passenger door open) Let me get you out of here. I want you to put your hands on the roof. Just like that. You ready?

(Elena nods)

Damon:
One, two, three... (rips out seatbelt buckle)

Damon:
I gotcha. (pulls Elena from the car) Are you okay? Can you stand?

(Elena groans)

Damon:
Is anything broken? (sets her down; her legs buckle) Whoa! You are fading fast, Elena. Elena? Look at me. Focus... Look at me. Hey...

Elena:
I look like her.

Damon:
What?

(Elena collapses)

Damon:
Good morning.

Elena:
Where are we?

Damon:
Georgia.

Elena:
Georgia? No..no, we're not. Seriously, Damon, where are we?

Damon:
Seriously, we're - we're in Georgia. (looks at her) How are you feeling?

Elena:
I... I...

Damon:
There were no broken bones. I checked.

Elena:
My car... There was a man... I hit a man. (pause) But then he got up and...who was that?

Damon:
That's what I would like to know.

Elena:
Where is my phone? (Damon looks away) Okay, we really need to go back, nobody knows where I am. Pull over. I mean it, Damon, pull over.

Damon:
(sighs tiredly)

Elena:
Stop the car!

Damon:
Oh, you were so much more fun when you were asleep. (pulls the car over)

Elena:
(gets out of the car)

Damon:
(helps her)

Elena:
I'm fine. We have to go back.

Damon:
Oh, come on. We've already come this far.

Elena:
Why are you doing this? I can't be in Georgia. I...I wrecked my car. I have to go home. (pause) This is kidnapping.

Damon:
That's a little melodramatic, don't you think?

Elena:
You're not funny. You can't do this. I'm not going to Georgia.

Damon:
Well, you're in Georgia. Without your magical necklace, I might add. I can very easily make you...agreeable.

Elena:
What are you trying to prove?

(Elena's phone rings)

Elena:
That's my phone.

Damon:
Mmm... (looks at the phone) It's your boyfriend. (holds the phone out to her; she refuses to answer) I'll take it. (answers) Elena's phone.

Stefan:
Where is she? Why do you have her phone? Is she okay?

Damon:
Elena? Yeah, she's right here. And, yes, she's fine.

Stefan:
Where are you? Let me talk to her.

Damon:
(to Elena) He wants to talk to you.

Elena:
Mm-mm. (shakes her head)

Damon:
(to Stefan) Yeah, I, uh, I don't think she really wants to talk to you right now.

Stefan:
Damon, I swear to God if you touch her-

Damon:
You have a good day. Bye now.

Elena:
Look, no one knows where I am. Can we please just go back?

Damon:
We're almost there.

Elena:
Where is 'there'?

Damon:
It's a little place right outside of Atlanta. Oh, come on, Elena. You don't want to go back right now, do you? What's the rush? Time-out. Trust me, the problem is still going to be there when you come home. Look, step away from your life for 5 minutes. (she glares) 5 minutes!

Elena:
Am I going to be safe with you?

Damon:
Yes.

Elena:
You promise not to do that mind-control-thing with me?

Damon:
Yes.

Elena:
Can I trust you?

Damon:
Get in the car. Come on.

Elena:
What about that man in the road? Was he a...?

Damon:
From what I can tell...yeah.

Elena:
You didn't know him?

Damon:
If I've never met him, I wouldn't know him. It's not like we all hang out at the 'vamp bar and grill'.

Damon:
Vampires can't procreate. But we love to try.

Elena:
Aw, do you need a bib?

Damon:
Sorry I can't unhinge my jaw like a snake to consume alcohol.

Elena:
So, why did you bring me with you?

Damon:
Well you're not the worst company in the world, Elena. You should give yourself more credit.

Elena:
Seriously?

Damon:
You know...you were there in the road, all 'damsel in distress'-like. And I knew it'd piss off Stefan. And...you're not the worst company in the world, Elena.

Elena:
I used to be more fun.

Damon:
You did okay.

Elena:
I saved your life.

Damon:
I know.

Elena:
And don't you forget it.

Alaric:
First person account of the Civil War? That's like porn for a history teacher.

Bonnie:
Which is why you should ask Jenna. First of all, the Elena I know would always want the real truth. Good or bad.

Elena:
And second of all?

Bonnie:
You just found out that your boyfriend is a vampire. So unless your parents are aliens, how bad can it be?

Bonnie:
You tried to kill me.

Damon:
But I didn't. And if I wanted to, I would have. Does that not count for anything?

Jeremy:
I'm stuck on punch duty at the school dance.

Anna:
How'd you get stuck with that?

Jeremy:
I'm failing English - I copped a plea.

Alaric:
Can I get you a drink? I hear the punch is real...boss.

Damon:
Elena, would you like to dance?

Elena:
I would love to. (to Stefan) May I have this dance?

Elena:
(to Stefan) You are so teaching me how to hand-jive.

Bonnie:
Don't rain on my hot guy parade.

Caroline:
It's just a drizzle.

Stefan:
Now you remember that. Because it's never happening again.

(Stefan and Elena are in bed, cuddling)

Elena:
(sighs) Good morning.

Stefan:
I could get used to this...

Damon:
Rise and shine, sleepyheads!

Stefan:
What are you doing?!

Elena:
Damon, please!

Damon:
Oh, stop being smutty.

Stefan:
Seriously, get out of here!

Damon:
If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it. Now listen - we have some very important business to discuss.

Elena:
And it has to be right now?

Damon:
We have lots to do, now that we're all friends and working towards a common goal. So, in order to open the tomb, we need to find the journal to get the grimoire to undo the spell. So, first things first - since you are Elena Gilbert, you're on journal duty.

Elena:
Since when am I helping?

Damon:
Well, Stefan's helping, and you've taken up residency in Stefan's bed, ergo...

Stefan:
You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

Elena:
I'll look for it today.

Damon:
Good.

Stefan:
How do we know that this journal will hold the location of the grimoire? Are we really gonna take the word of this vampire? He seemed like a bit of a dimwit.

Damon:
In lieu of any other options...

Elena:
Okay, what exactly is a grimoire, anyway?

Damon:
It's a witch's cookbook.

Stefan:
Every spell that a witch casts is unique unto itself, so every witch would document their work...,

Damon:
Yeah. Cookbook.

Stefan:
What about our mystery vampire? 'Dimwit' obviously wasn't working alone. So whoever's out there knows who we are.

Damon:
And I don't like that disadvantage. So chop chop! You know, I'm really liking this whole menage-threesome team thing. It's got a bit of a kink to it. (turns to leave) Don't screw it up.

Anna:
Hey, it's me again. Anna. Stalker chick and fuzzball champion.

Damon:
Is she hot?

Jeremy:
Yeah, but she can be weird.

Damon:
Hot trumps weird. Trust me.

Jenna:
(about Damon) He is ridiculously hot.

Elena:
Shh! He's an ass.

(from the couch, Damon rolls his eyes)

Stefan:
You met Damon.

Alaric:
Who do you think killed my wife?

Stefan:
Anna took Elena.

Damon:
Yeah, I got that from your 600 voice mails.

Stefan:
What if your blood hasn't passed out of her system?

Damon:
Well, I guess you will see her again.

Stefan:
Please, what do you know? You were with Anna - you must know where she's living. Just tell me where I can find her.

Damon:
No. You can go now.

Stefan (to Damon):
All I can remember is hating you. There may have been a time when that was different, but your choices have erased anything good about you. I also know that you have just as much reason to hate me. This all began with me. Katherine got taken away from you because of me...and I'm sorry.

Damon:
I mean this sincerely: I hope Elena dies.

Elena:
Do you really want Katherine out that bad?

Anna:
Trust me, nobody that I know wants to see that girl again; except Damon, the love-struck idiot.

Stefan:
I can get it.

Anna:
Which means your brother has it. And I have the witch, so one of you had better meet me in the very public town square in 30 minutes so we can safely discuss how fun it's gonna be to work together. (hangs up)

Damon (to Stefan):
Go ahead - grovel again. Oh, wait, no... I don't care.

Sheila:
You got some nerve knocking on a Bennett witch's door and asking her for anything.

Damon:
What'd I do?

Sheila:
Spirits talk, Mr. Salvatore, and so does my granddaughter. You are no friend to us. Now get off my porch.

Damon:
Step outside and say that.

Sheila:
(stares hard at Damon)

Damon:
(suddenly groans in pain and clutches his head)

Sheila:
I am not Bonnie. You don't wanna mess with me.

Damon:
Stefan will come after you, you know that. For messing with Elena.

Anna:
Then he won't be too happy if I kill her when I don't get what I want. (begins to walk away)

Damon:
(sighs) When do you want to do this?

Anna:
(laughs) God, it's like 1864 all over again. You Salvatores are truly pathetic when it comes to women.

Stefan:
Now we have to make Damon agree.

Elena:
He already agreed once.

Stefan:
Yes, and then we double-crossed him. So now he's angry.

Elena:
He's hurt. There's a difference.

Damon:
Fool me once, shame on you.

Elena:
Okay, when we were in Atlanta, why didn't you use your compulsion on me?

Damon:
Who says I didn't?

Elena:
You didn't. I know you didn't. But you could have. You and I...we have something. An understanding. And I know that my betrayal hurt you, different than when it comes from Stefan, but I'm promising you now that I will help you get Katherine back.

Damon:
I wish I could believe you.

Elena:
(removes her vervain necklace) Ask me if I'm lying now.

Damon:
(placing her necklace back) I didn't compel you in Atlanta because we were having fun. I wanted it to be real. I'm trusting you - don't make me regret it.

Damon:
(greeting Stefan, Bonnie, and Sheila) Brother. Witches.

Stefan:
I can't.

Elena:
Can't? Can't what?

Bonnie (to Elena):
The spell's still up; we can't get them out. Yet.

Elena (to Stefan):
You went in there not knowing if you could come back out?

Stefan:
(nods silently)

Elena:
Oh my God...

Stefan:
I heard you scream.

Elena (to Stefan, about Damon):
We can't leave him in there. We promised him, both of us.

Stefan:
(nods) I know.

Damon:
She's not here!

Stefan:
Damon-

Damon:
She's not here.

Stefan:
What?

Damon:
(throws blood bag at the wall) SHE'S NOT HERE!

Elena:
(shouting) Stefan, they can't hold it much longer!

Stefan:
Damon, we need to get out of here.

Damon:
It doesn't make sense, they locked her inside...

Stefan:
If we don't leave now, we're not getting out.

Damon:
How could she not be in here?

Stefan:
It's not worth spending all of eternity down here! (grabs Damon) She's not worth it!

Damon:
(shakes him off) No!

Elena:
Damon!

Damon:
(looks at her)

Elena:
Please.

Damon (to Anna):
You knew Katherine wasn't in there.

Anna:
You wouldn't have helped me.

Damon:
(rushes Pearl; grabs her by the throat)

Anna:
No!

Damon:
Why do you get a happy ending?

Anna:
Damon, please! You wouldn't have helped me! You know you wouldn't!

Damon:
Why do you get it and I don't?

Pearl:
The guard. The one at the church - the one who locked us in. She promised to turn him. He was obsessed with her.

Damon:
(tightens his grip)

Anna:
No-

Pearl:
(choking) She had him under her spell...like everybody else. He let her go.

Damon:
(releases Pearl)

Anna:
The last I saw her...was Chicago. 1983. She knew where you were, Damon. She didn't care. (whispers) Sorry.

Sorority Girl:
How do I taste?

Damon:
Oh...so much better than your friends.

Damon:
(groans) No, Buzzkill Bob...

Damon:
Relax. I haven't killed anyone in...too long.

Damon:
You wanna discuss the women of my past right now? Seriously?

Stefan:
You killed her.

Damon:
What's your point?

Stefan:
(shrugs) I just-- I just wanna know if you remember anything about her.

Damon:
Oh, it's like a needle in a haystack, Stefan.

Damon:
Nothing is important. Not anymore.

Damon:
I have to go exploit some women in the name of grief.

Kelly Donovan:
Oh God. Not on my couch.

Damon:
Don't you have some papers to grade?

Alaric:
It's, uh, more fun with a buzz.

Damon:
Well, most things are. Sober is...depressing.

Alaric:
You have a good afternoon.

Damon:
Not likely.

Damon:
You know...a room full of women clamoring to win a date with me? Sounds...tasty.

Elena:
Stefan?

Damon:
Better. Me.

Elena:
You look, uh...

Damon:
Dashing? Gorgeous? Irresistible?

Elena:
Wrecked. You look wrecked.

Elena:
So I found out who my birth mother is...

Damon:
Ugh, who cares? (Elena glares) She left you. She sucks.

Elena:
He's fine.

Stefan:
He's Damon.

Elena:
You know, maybe this heartache will be good for him. It'll remind him that he has one, even if it doesn't beat.

Carol Lockwood:
And last but not least: Damon Salvatore. We don't have much on you.

Damon:
Well, I'm tough to fit on a card.

Stefan:
Elena...

Elena:
He killed her? Damon was the vampire that killed her?!

Stefan:
I don't know what happened. Alaric said that they never found the body.

Elena:
Oh my God. Stefan...

Stefan:
I know. I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I just-- I wanted to know more.

Elena:
I was feeling sorry for him. Hoping that this whole Katherine thing would change him. I am so stupid...

Stefan:
He doesn't know about the connection to you. I thought about confronting him, but he's already so on-edge-

Elena:
Why are you protecting him?!

Stefan:
Because you're not the only one hoping that he might actually change.

Damon:
(as Elena collides with him) Whoa! Easy there. Buy a ticket like everyone else.

Elena:
Did you enjoy that? Rubbing it in to Alaric Saltzman?

Damon:
What?

Elena:
Just as I was starting to think that there was something redeemable about you.

Stefan:
Elena...,

Damon:
Am I missing something here?

Elena:
Did I forget to mention, earlier when we were talking, about my birth mother? The one that 'gave me up'?

Damon:
Mm-hmm.

Elena:
Her name was Isobel. Go ahead...reminisce about how you killed her.

Alaric:
You turned her because you 'liked her'?

Damon:
No, I slept with her because I liked her.

Damon:
(drives a stake through Alaric) Ah, this is a shame. We're kindred spirits, abandoned by the women we love. Unrequited love sucks. (pulls out stake)

Alaric:
(gargles and gasps)

Damon:
Hm. Sounds like I got a lung.

Stefan:
What happened? What did you do?

Damon:
Do what? He attacked me. I only told him the truth; his wife didn't want him anymore. Isn't my fault he couldn't...handle it.

Stefan:
Like you've been handling Katherine?

Damon:
I'm handling it fine. You know what? Isobel came to me, she found me, and if she's related to Elena, that means she's related to Katherine. Maybe Katherine sent her to me.

Anna (to newly released vampires):
There are over one hundred and fifty channels. It's called a remote control.

Stefan:
Have you thought any more about what you're going to do?

Elena:
About what? Isobel, my vampire birth mother, who's related to my vampire ancestor Katherine, who screwed over your vampire brother? Nah, I haven't thought about it at all.

Stefan:
I'm sorry I brought it up.

Elena:
It'd just be nice if we could get through one day without having to deal with any of it. No vampire mother or brother.

Stefan:
No vampires at all?

Elena:
No vampires but you.

Matt:
We can watch a movie at my place.

Caroline:
With your mom and a six pack?

Matt:
You know... You don't really help the situation. You could always try to be nice.

Caroline:
Oh, I'm sorry. It's hard for me to show kindness to people that hate me. I'm not that evolved.

Pearl (talking to Harper):
The keypad is for texting, which is what you do when you want to avoid talking to someone.

Damon:
What exactly are you trying to achieve?

Pearl:
Mystic Falls is our home, Damon. They took that from us. Our land, our home. It's time we rebuild.

Damon:
What, are you crazy? It was 1864. Wake up, woman. The world has moved on.

Pearl (to Damon):
I have four hundred years on you, little boy. I'll rip you from limb to limb without even blinking and you know it.

Elena:
Have you ever even been on a double-date before?

Stefan:
Oh, absolutely. '72, Heff and the twins.

Elena:
What?

Stefan:
Yeah...playmates. I got Miss June.

Jenna:
Don't be grumpy. It can't be that bad.

Damon:
You'd be surprised. My primary reason for existence has abandoned me, and after today's events, the remains of the shaky ground that I walk on are about to go 'kaboom.' (turns to Kelly) Let's get hammered.

Jenna:
Hide. We're not here.

Kelly:
Why? Where'd we go?

Jenna:
Children under our care, five o'clock.

Matt:
Is there anything you're not good at?

Stefan:
Double-dating. This is all kind of new to me. I usually keep to myself. I don't always fit in.

Matt:
That's because you're that guy.

Stefan:
What guy?

Matt:
The guy who seems like he has everything, so the people that don't kind of run the other way.

Stefan:
Is that what I seem like?

Matt:
Pretty much.

Stefan:
Hmm... What a dick!

Caroline:
(looking around the Salvatore mansion) This is much better than watching Damon visit cougar town.

Frederick:
Vervain. Making it hard to find something to eat in this town.

Stefan:
I remember them from 1864. They were in the tomb.

Damon:
Yeah, about that...

Matt:
Do you know what I was doing tonight, Mom? I was having fun, you know, trying to forget about all the crap that I have to deal with every day. Just enjoying a night with my friends. And then, there you are, wasted at the bar - where I work, by the way, to pay the bills that you don't pay. And then you're off acting like a freakin' kid, hooking up with some guy half your age. I'm the kid, Mom. You're supposed to be responsible for me.

Elena:
How was your night?

Jeremy:
Ah... Same old, same old. You?

Elena:
Yep.

Anna:
How did you know?

Jeremy:
I knew this girl. Vicki. She was attacked by an animal; a bite to the neck. She started acting crazy, weird, and it seemed like drugs, but then you showed me those articles. And then I saw your face and how it changed the night in the cemetery when I kissed you.

Anna:
You know you can't tell anyone, right?

Jeremy:
Who would believe me?

Anna:
You'd be surprised.

Jeremy:
Why didn't you kill me?

Anna:
I don't know. Maybe I'm a sucker for guys like you.

Jeremy:
Like what?

Anna:
Lost. Why would you confront me about it? Why would you risk it?

Jeremy:
Because if it was true, maybe it's true about Vicki. And also because I want you to turn me.

Anna:
I love storms.

Jeremy:
Is that a vampire thing? 'Cause I read vampires don't like running water.

Anna:
That's only Dracula. He was a complete wuss. Never showered...very smelly.

Jeremy:
Seriously?

Anna:
First rule about vampires: don't believe anything you read.

Anna:
I'm not gonna turn someone who learned everything he knows about vampires from Netflix.

Pearl (to Frederick):
We cannot live our lives about revenge.

Frederick:
We should kill every last one of them.

Pearl:
We are smarter than that, Frederick. These people are not our enemies. We don't hold grudges and resentments. We'll get our town back. We just have to have patience.

Frederick:
You heard her - no revenge. Patience; self-control. She seems to have it all figured out, doesn't she?

Damon:
I say we go to Pearl's and bust down the door and annihilate the idiot that attacked us last night.

Stefan:
And then what? We turn to the rest of the house of vampires and say, 'Oops, sorry.'?

Elena:
I can't believe you made a deal with her!

Damon:
It was more like a helpful exchange of information. It's not like I had a choice. She's... scary. Besides, she's gonna help me get Katherine back.

Elena:
Of course she is. Damon gets what he wants, as usual, no matter who he hurts in the process.

Damon:
Well, you don't have to be snarky about it.

Elena:
I woke up this morning to learn that all the vampires have been released from the tomb. I've earned snarky.

Damon:
Ah... How long are you going to blame me for turning your birth mother in to a vampire?

Elena:
I'm not blaming you, Damon. I've accepted the fact that you're a self-serving psychopath with no redeeming qualities.

Damon:
Ouch.

Stefan:
This isn't being very productive. We're gonna figure out a way to deal with Pearl and the vampires, yeah?

Elena:
I'm sorry. He just makes me so cranky.

Stefan:
I know...he makes everybody cranky.

Elena:
So... What are we gonna do?

Stefan:
Damon and I are gonna handle everything. I promise.

Elena:
Well...what about me? I can't just sit here and do nothing.

Stefan:
That's exactly what you're gonna do because that's what's gonna keep you safe.

Elena:
Which means nothing if you're not safe too.

Stefan:
What do you mean? I'm perfectly safe. I have Damon, the self-serving psychopath on my side.

Elena:
That's comforting.

Jeremy:
Does your mom know you're a...?

Anna:
The fact that you would even think it's possible to keep something like that a secret from your own family is just further proof that you're not ready.

Jeremy:
'Not ready' is a step up from 'no'.

Anna:
And a million steps down from 'maybe'.

Matt:
I yelled at my mom last night. You know, I feel like the parent with the screwed up kid.

Caroline:
Well, maybe she needed to hear it.

Matt:
Yeah, but I worry that if I push too hard then she'll take off again, 'cause that's her M.O. Just like Vicki, who I haven't heard from since she left.

Caroline:
Well, you can't control your mom, Matt, any more than you can control your sister.

Matt:
I wish that she would just try, a little, you know. If she would just try to try, that would be okay.

Caroline:
Maybe she'll surprise you. People have a tendency to do that. I should go before the roads get even worse from the storm.

Matt:
Are you sure that you should be driving right now?

Caroline:
I have to - it's my dad's boyfriend's daughter's birthday. We have a nontraditional traditional ritual.

Matt:
Well, buckle up.

Damon:
Hunting party?

Stefan:
That guy did a number on me last night when he stabbed me. I've got to get my strength back up.

Damon:
I have two liters of soccer mom in the fridge. (Stefan doesn't respond) No?

Stefan:
We'll talk when I get back.

Damon:
Alright... Give my regards to the squirrels.

Damon:
You're ignoring me.

Elena:
The six missed calls? Sorry. My phone's dead.

Damon:
Is Stefan here?

Elena:
No. Why? Is something wrong?

Damon:
He went out in to the woods and didn't come back. I can't get him on his phone. I figured he was here with you.

Elena:
(calls Stefan) It's going straight to voicemail. Where could he be?

Damon:
You're not gonna like what I'm thinking.

Damon:
Pearl, open this door or I swear I'll bust through and rip your head off.

Frederick:
Pearl's not home. Mmm... Beautiful weather. Not a ray of sun in the sky.

Damon:
Where's my brother?

Frederick:
Billy? (Billy and another vampire drag Stefan into the room)

Damon:
You are dead.

Frederick:
I'm sorry you haven't been invited in. Miss Gibbons?

Miss Gibbons:
Yes, Frederick, honey?

Frederick:
Never let this bad man in.

Miss Gibbons:
I'll never let him in.

Frederick:
One hundred forty-five years left starving in a tomb, thanks to Katherine's infatuation with you and your brother. First few weeks every single nerve in your body screams with fire... kind of pain that can drive a person mad. Well, I thought your brother might want to get a taste of that before I killed him. Billy! (Billy stakes Stefan in the abdomen; Stefan falls to his knees in pain)

Frederick (to Damon):
You have a nice day.

Damon:
Well, don't you look alive?

Alaric:
You can't hurt me.

Damon:
Oh, I can hurt you, alright.

Elena:
Mr. Saltzman, we need your help. Stefan's in the house; Damon's a vampire, he can't get in. We need you. I would go, but...

Damon:
But your life is valuable. Yours, on the other hand, is...

Elena:
Stefan told me about your ring.

Alaric:
What about it?

Damon:
Let me re-cap: You tried to kill me, I defended myself, you died, and - according to my brother - your ring brought you back to life. Am I leaving anything out?

Alaric:
Yeah... The part where I try and kill you again, only this time I don't miss.

Elena:
Mr. Saltzman... Please. It's Stefan.

Alaric:
I'm sorry, Elena. It's not my problem.

Damon:
That's a shame, 'cause the woman in charge of the crowd can help you find your wife.

Alaric:
You're lying.

Damon:
Am I? Why don't you ask her for yourself? (Alaric doesn't respond) Coward. Come on, Elena.

Alaric:
All right. Wait. I'll go.

Jeremy:
I wake up everyday and I feel okay. But there's something missing, like a hole. Some people, they fit in life or whatever. I don't.

Anna:
So you want a pity turn? I don't think so.

Jeremy:
You should turn me 'cause I don't have anything else.

Anna:
Do you even know why we turn other people? It's not just to give someone a one-way ticket out of lonerhood, okay? One, we need someone to do our dirty work. Two, revenge. Three, boredom, but you know that never turns out well. And then, you know, there's the obvious one - you love someone so much that you would do anything to spend all of eternity with them. I'm sorry but you don't fit any of those categories yet.

Tyler:
Be more creepy, dad. Not like your son is standing right here.

Mayor Lockwood:
Grow up. Elections are coming. She's a constituent - and a rich one, from the looks of it.

Tyler:
And you can tell all that by looking at her ass. Awesome. I'm gonna go shoot some pool.

Damon:
Teacher by day, vampire hunter by night.

Alaric:
I have you to thank for that.

Elena:
Damon, now's not the time to be the Lone Ranger.

Damon:
Oh, I understand. He's the reason you live. His love 'lifts you up where you belong.' I get it.

Elena:
Can you just not joke around for two seconds?

Damon:
Miss Gibbons, now tell me the truth. Are you married?

Miss Gibbons:
No.

Damon:
Parents? Children? Anyone else who lives on this property?

Miss Gibbons:
No, it's just me.

Damon:
No? Good. (Damon snaps Miss Gibbon's neck)

Alaric:
You were supposed to compel her!

Damon:
It doesn't work that way.

Alaric:
She's human.

Damon:
And I'm not, so I don't care! Now get out of here... and get rid of the body.

Pearl:
I'm in the process of obtaining some property. I understand that your family is the largest property-owner in town.

Mayor Lockwood:
Well, yes we are - dating all the way back to the town's original charter.

Pearl:
Your family came in to a lot of new property in 1864.

Mayor Lockwood:
You know your history.

Pearl:
It's a passion of mine.

Tyler:
The guy's not even subtle about it.

Matt:
Who is that?

Tyler:
It's not my mother.

Frederick:
Billy, Jacob, get back in here.

Stefan:
Thank you... for trying to help me.

Harper:
They just needed somebody to blame; someone to punish.

(Elena enters the room)

Stefan:
Elena. You shouldn't be here.

Damon (to Elena):
You rescue, I'll distract. Go.

Damon:
How many of those vervain darts do you have left?

Alaric:
One.

Damon:
Not gonna be enough.

Alaric:
What you said to get me to do this, about my wife, was a lie, wasn't it?

Damon:
Yep.

Pearl (from outside):
Stop. What's going on here? (Pearl enters the house, looks around and then at Damon) What did you do?

Damon:
Me? Your merry little band of vampires spent the day torturing my brother.

Pearl:
Trust me. The parties responsible for this will be dealt with.

Damon:
Our little arrangement doesn't work unless you learn to control them.

Pearl:
This wasn't supposed to happen.

Damon:
Well, it did. If I had a good side... not a way to get on it.

Elena:
How are you doing?

Stefan:
Ah, I'm okay. The wounds have mostly healed.

Elena:
Good.

Stefan:
Elena.

Elena:
Yeah.

Stefan:
What you did today, coming to help me... you could have been killed.

Elena:
I know.

Stefan:
And what I did... I'm sorry, I'm sorry that you had to see it.

Elena:
I've just never... You were like this other person, and it's my fault. I made you...

Stefan:
What? No, no, no, no. You didn't make me do anything. You were saving my life. And I was saving yours. Everything's gonna be okay.

Damon (to Alaric):
That was fun. Oh, don't look at me like that. I know you hate me. Guess what? Everyone hates me. But you can't deny we were bad-ass.

Damon:
(shouting to be heard above the music) Could you turn it up a little bit? It's not annoying yet.

Stefan:
Sorry.

Damon:
When are you going back to school?

Stefan:
Soon.

Damon:
Oh, come on.(offers him glass of blood) Just drink, already. Come on. This self-detox is unnatural.

Stefan:
Could you get that away from me, please?

Damon:
How long did it take you to wean yourself off of it after you last "indulged"? (Stefan doesn't answer) That's not good.

Stefan:
I'll be fine. It just takes a little bit of time.

Damon:
I don't get it. You know you don't have to kill to survive. That's what blood banks are for. I haven't hunted a human in...God, way too long.

Stefan:
Oh, I'm impressed.

Damon:
It's completely self-serving - trying to get the town off the trail of vampires. Which is not very easy, considering there's an entire tomb of them running around.

Stefan:
What are we planning on doing about that?

Damon:
You're not gonna be doing much of anything if you don't have your strength. There's nothing wrong with partaking in a healthy diet of human blood from a blood bank. You're not actually killing anyone.

Stefan:
I have my reasons.

Damon:
Well, what are those holier than thou reasons, because, you know, we've never actually discussed that. You know, I'd love to hear this story.

Stefan:
You're really enjoying this, aren't you? Just watching me struggle.

Damon:
Very much so.

Stefan:
I hate to break it to you, Damon, but I actually have it under complete control.

Damon:
You do? Oh, well, then you should just carry on making the rest of us vampires look bad. Have a great day, Stef. (leaves the room, leaving his glass of blood on a side table; returns a moment later.) Oh, hey, almost forgot something. Oops.

John Gilbert:
What's up with Jeremy?

Jenna:
He just lost a friend, so try to be sensitive.

John:
I'm always sensitive.

Jenna:
Right. So, really, how long are you staying?

John:
Can't you at least pretend that you're happy to see me?

Jenna:
(acting perky and excited) Oh my god! John, it is so good to see you! How have you been? (drops the act) No, I can't.

John:
Did you really think I was just gonna sign the escrow papers and send them back?

Jenna:
Actually, I did.

John:
I'm not gonna let you sell my brother's office.

Jenna:
It's not up to you or me - it belongs to Jeremy and Elena.

John:
They're minors, so I get the final say, being that I'm the estate's trustee.

Damon:
He's a Gilbert?

Sheriff Forbes:
Elena's uncle. His name is John, but I call him jackass.

John:
The Gilberts have been a part of this town for 150 years. One of the founding families. Along with that distinction, comes certain obligations, including going to the party. One day, when you can appreciate the significance, I'll tell you all about your heritage.

Jenna:
Mmm...'Gilbert family legacy.' I forgot how sacred it was. I'm not a Gilbert, so I was never cool enough to hear it.

Jeremy:
Why does she hate you?

John:
We used to sleep together.

Jenna:
(throws a wrapper at him) I am standing right here!

Elena:
Oh good, you're here.

Damon:
You ask, I come. I'm easy like that.

Elena:
Shh! (nods to her brother, who is oblivious to their conversation; points to the stairs)

Damon:
(dramatically and loudly) No, Elena! I will not go to your bedroom with you! (chuckles as she drags him to the stairs)

Damon:
(entering Elena's bedroom) Ah... Just like I remember.

Elena:
Stop messing around.

Damon:
You know, did you know that your uncle's been kickin' it with the Founder's Council?

Elena:
What?

Damon:
Yep.

Elena:
Perfect. We'll just add it to the growing list of how everything's falling apart.

Damon:
It is what it is, Elena. The Stefan you know is 'good behavior' Stefan; 'reign it in' Stefan; 'fight against his nature to an annoyingly obsessive level' Stefan. But if you think there's not another part to this, then you have not been paying attention. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Elena:
He is not you. Not even close.

Damon:
Well, he's doesn't wanna be me. But that doesn't mean, deep down, that he's not.

Stefan:
Oh God. I shouldn't be here.

Damon:
Come on, don't be a downer. It's a party for the founding families - that would be us. It would be rude to skip it.

Stefan:
You know, I really liked you a whole lot better when you hated everybody.

Damon:
Oh, I still do. I just love that they love me.

Damon (to Stefan):
Don't embarrass me, young man!

Kelly Donovan:
Well, I guess dead kid rates a special greeting from the mayor, huh?

Elena:
You're totally that drunk high school guy at the party sneaking booze.

Stefan:
I totally am, yeah.

Damon:
Have I entered an alternate universe where Stefan is fun?

Stefan:
Please dance with your alcoholic vampire boyfriend.

Elena:
Have you noticed what your brother's been up to?

Damon:
Nope. I've been too preoccupied with yours. Jeremy's been asking questions about Vicki Donovan's death.

Elena:
He knows that her death was ruled an overdose.

Damon:
Really? (imitating Jeremy's voice) Oh, but Sheriff, someone buried her! Who would do that? (points to himself) I know! I know! Me. (pauses) I mean, I could compel him, but he's wearing vervain...

Elena:
No - I don't want you to compel him.

Damon:
If he keeps asking questions...

Elena:
Damon, no! I'm serious! I'm not gonna do that to him again. I'll handle it.

Damon:
(sighs) Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Kelly (to Tyler):
Is that soda? (grabs his glass and drinks)

Tyler:
Uh...

Kelly:
Vodka. Thank God...

John:
So what do you think, Damon? You know this vampire problem is real, right? It's a potential bloodbath.

Damon:
Oh, I wouldn't overreact, John.

John:
...I think it's like 1864 all over again. Vampires running amuck. (pauses) Guess we're just gonna have to hunt them down, throw 'em in a church, and burn them to ash.

John:
You see, it seems that there was a tomb under the church, where vampires were hidden away - waiting for someone to come along and set them free. But then you already knew that, didn't you? Being that you're the one that did it.

Damon:
And you're telling me this...why?

John:
I just thought we'd get the introductions out of the way...

Damon:
Look, well, you know I could rip your throat out before anyone would notice.

John:
(nods) Right.

Damon:
Yeah, okay. But you probably ingest vervain, so...

John:
Why don't you take a bite, find out?

Damon:
It's not worth my time.

John:
(scoffs)

Damon:
(chuckles) Hm. (pauses, then snaps his neck)

Damon:
Do you wanna hear the bad news, or the really bad news?

Stefan:
Actually, I don't want any news, Damon.

Damon:
Alright, well, let me rephrase: do wanna hear how the council's back in 'vampire mode', or... how I just killed uncle John Gilbert?

Stefan:
...What?

Damon:
Great party, by the way, huh?

Damon:
(sees John Gilbert alive) You've got to be kidding me...

Damon:
Look at his right hand.

Alaric:
Whose?

Damon:
Town's favorite son. Look at his ring.

Alaric:
Wow. It looks like mine.

Damon:
Yeah... And that'd be a big coincidence if he didn't just come back from the dead five minutes ago. Where the hell did you get that ring?

Alaric:
Isobel, my wife.

Damon:
Who gave birth to Elena, under the medical care of the esteemed Dr. Grayson Gilbert - John's brother!

Alaric:
You think John knew Isobel?

Damon:
I think John knows a lot of things.

Tyler:
Dad, I don't know what happened. I was drinking, and I just lost it-

Mayor Lockwood:
(viciously slaps him) That is the last time you embarrass this family.

Damon:
Going somewhere?

John:
Never liked to be the last one to leave a party. It's too desperate. You gonna kill me again, or you gonna let Mr. Saltzman do your dirty work?

Alaric:
Okay. You obviously know who I am.

John:
I do. Alaric Saltzman, the high school history teacher with a secret.

Damon:
You sure know a lot for someone who just got to town.

John:
More than you can imagine, Damon. My knowledge of this town goes beyond anything that you, or you, or the council, knows. So, if you were planning on some clever, high speed, snatch-ring vamp kill-move, know that if I die, everything I know goes to the council - including the fascinating little tale of the original Salvatore brothers and their present-day return to Mystic Falls.

Alaric:
How did you get that ring?

John:
I inherited one. My brother, Gray, the other. This was his, although I wouldn't have given mine to Isobel had I known she'd hand it over to another guy.

Damon:
So you did know her?

John:
Who do you think sent her your way when she wanted to become a vampire?

Damon:
You sent her?

John:
Guilty. Why? Did you think someone else sent her? Maybe Katherine Pierce?

Damon:
How do you know about Katherine?

John:
How do I know anything, Damon?

Damon:
What do you want?

John:
So many questions...

Elena:
Talk to me, Stefan. Tell me.

Stefan:
I tried so hard to keep it together tonight, and it was working. It was working. But then Matt's mom... she got hurt and she was bleeding and I had her blood on my hands.

Elena:
And then what happened?

Stefan:
The guy in the parking lot... I wanted to feed on him, and it took everything inside of me not to do it.

Elena:
But you didn't?

Stefan:
No, but I wanted to. Elena... my head is pounding. I feel like my skin is on fire. I have this hunger inside of me that I've never... I've never felt before in my entire life and I keep thinking about how I promised that I would never keep anything from you. So I'm telling you this.

Elena:
It's okay. I need you to tell me these things.

Stefan:
But I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want you to know that this side of me exists.

Elena:
Stefan, you're gonna get through this. I'm gonna help you pull through. It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay.

Stefan:
No, no, no, no. I'm sorry, I-- I can't. I'm afraid of what I could do to you.

Elena:
I'm not. Stefan. Stefan? I'm not. I'm not, okay?

Stefan:
I love you so much.

Elena:
Oh, I love you, too.

Damon:
We have a problem, Stefan. And when I say 'problem,' I mean global crisis. Seems Uncle John has a... (looks up at Stefan who is swaying on his feet) You don't look so good. (pauses) It's different this time, isn't it? The need is too strong. Of course it would be after all these years. (sets his glass of blood on the table) Have a good night, brother. (leaves)

Stefan:
I woke up this morning and I was feeling great and I figured it was time for me to get back in to things.

Elena:
Does that mean you're okay, now, with all the cravings?

Stefan:
Yeah. I mean, the worst part is over. So now, all I want to do is spend as much time with you as possible.

John:
Meaning the vampire who stole the blood used mind control to hide the theft.

Damon:
I know what she means.

John:
I think we'll make a good team. Don't you, Damon?

Damon:
John, whatever I can do to help keep this town safe. Even if it means spending time with you.

Alaric:
This week we're gonna set aside our regular curriculum for a lesson in local history, as we approach Founder's Day. Apparently, the community leaders feel that's more important than World War II. But, hey, what do I know?

Damon:
You were playing house with half of a tomb of really pissed-off vampires. What did you think was going to happen?

Anna:
My mom is devastated. They tried to overthrow her.

Damon:
Why isn't she here, telling me this?

Anna:
She doesn't really do apologies.

Damon:
Well, that's a coincidence, 'cause I don't do forgiveness.

Stefan:
You're making small talk. Why?

Damon:
You seem awfully chipper, lately. Less doom and gloom - a little more pep in your step...

Damon:
Stefan, let's be serious for a second. You spent the last century and a half being a poster child for Prozac, and now you expect me to believe that this "new you" has nothing to do with human blood? Nothing?

Stefan:
I'm clean.

Damon:
You're lying!

Stefan:
Believe what you want.

Damon:
Well, well...he's a liar and a thief. So, when were you gonna share?

Stefan:
Go ahead. Help yourself.

Damon:
No, no, I'm talking about the fact that you're a closet blood junkie.

Damon:
Just remember, we're trying to keep a low profile. Why don't you just walk up to Sheriff Forbes and ask her to tap a vein?

Stefan:
Have my actions negatively impacted you? Whoo... I can't imagine what that must feel like.

Damon:
You've been off the human stuff for years, Stefan. If you're having trouble controlling...

Stefan:
I'm not having any trouble.

Damon:
Who do you think you're talking to? I know what it's like! That "Jekyll and Hyde' feeling... There's that switch - sometimes it goes off and you snap...

Caroline:
I'm on the M.F. beautification committee, I volunteer at the rec center soup kitchen...

Elena:
I recognize that I haven't been as involved, this year, as I used to be...

Caroline:
...I implemented this year's Go Green campaign at school...

Elena:
I've been distracted, and I let a lot of things slide...

A Girl:
I don't think it's wrong for me to win two years in a row...

Amber Bradley:
I was surprised to have been selected, since I'm not from one of the founding families...

Elena:
...but I'm aware of what an honor this is, and I want you to know that I take it seriously...

Caroline:
...worked with the county's recycling program and was in charge of the policemen's yearly raffle...

Tina Fell:
...just because my D.U.I. made my community service mandatory doesn't mean I was any less committed...

Elena:
...this was really important to my mother. She believed in community, family, honor, and loyalty. It's the legacy she left for me.

John:
Hey, partner!

Damon:
What do you want?

John:
You haven't returned any of my calls.

Damon:
Most people would take that as a hint.

John:
I'll tell the entire council what you are.

Damon:
Go for it! I'll kill every last one of them. Then I'll sever your hand, pull your ring off, and I'll kill you, too. Do you understand that?

Elena:
This is ridiculous.

Stefan:
You're only saying that because you don't know how to do it.

Elena:
Sorry only one of us was around when the dance was invented.

Stefan:
Ouch! (twirls Elena and dips)

Mrs. Lockwood:
Oh - no! No, no, no. There's no touching during this part. It's about the simple intimacy of the near touch.

Stefan:
If you ask me, the "near touch" is over-rated.

Caroline:
And Amber Bradley is only on the court so the pageant doesn't look like it's founding families only, which, of course, it is. So that leaves Elena, and she totally has the sympathy vote, since her parents died. How can I compete with that?

Bonnie:
Very nice. Very sensitive.

Anna:
I remember this event from 1864. I was supposed to enter...before everything happened.

Damon:
Ah, nostalgia's a bitch.

Anna:
If you're just gonna mock me, could you move along, please?

Elena:
Hey! You...can't be back here.

Damon:
We need to talk.

Elena:
Does it have to be right now?

Damon:
Normally I would have a completely different outlook on what I'm about to tell you, but since it could really inconvenience me, I'll...squeal.

Elena:
What are you talking about?

Damon:
Stefan's still drinking human blood.

Elena:
...What?

Damon:
Yeah. (shrugs) A month ago, I would've rejoiced. But with the council back on the alert, it is not a good time for Stefan to fly off the handle.

Elena:
I know he's been a little edgy, but, he said that was normal...

Damon:
He has a fridge, full of stolen blood bank contraband, in the house.

Elena:
Oh my God...

Damon:
He has no idea what normal is - his entire existence isn't normal. Normal to a vampire is drinking human blood, but he's spent all this time fighting it, when he should have been learning how to control it. And now it's controlling him, instead.

Anna:
You were basically using me to turn you into a vampire so you could be with someone else.

Jeremy:
No, I wasn't using you.

Anna:
Really? Then how would you like to define it?

Jeremy:
(scoffs) I don't think it's any worse than becoming friends with me so we could give your mother my blood.

Anna:
How do you know that?

Jeremy:
It's not important.

Anna:
Seriously, Jeremy. What do you know?

Jeremy:
Everything. I know everything.

Stefan:
What's going on in here?

Damon:
Just filling Elena in on your extra-curricular activities.

Stefan:
(scoffs) What are you talking about?

Elena:
I know about the blood, Stefan.

Damon:
I'm gonna... I'll be downstairs. Drinking.

Jeremy:
There's a part of me that's so angry that she covered up what happened to Vicki and erased my memory, but there's also this other part of me that's glad. I don't want to remember Vicki like that.

Anna:
As a monster?

Jeremy:
No. As someone who wanted to hurt me.

Anna:
When I met you, you were just a part of my plan to get my mother back, but then things changed... all the time we spent together. I would never do anything to hurt you... not now. You know that, right?

Stefan:
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not very good to be around, right now. I'm a little bit on edge. I've been drinking the human stuff, and it's really screwing with my head. She knows now! She wasn't supposed to find out, I didn't want her to find out, now everything's ruined.

Amber:
You seem sad.

Stefan:
I'm not sad! I'm FREAKING. HUNGRY.

Stefan:
I don't hurt people. I don't do that. I'm the good brother.

Amber:
Do you want to hurt me?

Stefan:
I want to kill you. I want to rip into your skin, and then I want to feed on your blood. Under your skin...pulsating, flowing. Your carotid artery...right there. If you puncture this just right, you can control the blood flow. Takes practice, but it doesn't have to make a mess. You don't have to waste any.

Amber:
What's stopping you?

Stefan:
If I do this...if I give in... then there's no going back.

Amber:
Then don't.

Stefan:
What's your name?

Amber:
Amber.

Stefan:
Listen to me, Amber. I need you to be afraid of me. I need you to run like hell, do you understand me?! Run. Run! Now!

Amber:
(screams and runs)

Stefan:
(runs after her and catches her)

Amber:
(screams) I thought you said to run!

Stefan:
I changed my mind. (feeds on her)

Damon:
Alright, now this is getting weird...

Anna:
We're here to talk.

Damon:
Not in the mood! Today's been a no-good, very-bad day.

Stefan:
You shouldn't be here.

Elena:
I know.

Stefan:
Now you know.

Elena:
That wasn't you.

Stefan:
Oh, it was absolutely me. A monster...a predator. It's who I am, Elena.

Elena:
That's what the blood makes you.

Stefan:
The blood brings out what's inside of me, and if you think any differently then you're an idiot!

Elena:
I know this isn't you, Stefan.

Stefan:
I wanted to drain every ounce of blood from that girl's body.

Elena:
No...

Stefan:
It's who I am, Elena!

Elena:
No, you can't scare me off.

Stefan:
Why would you risk it? Why would you come here?

Elena:
Because I did this! This is my fault! I'm the one who made you drink the blood...

Stefan:
All you did was expose me to who I really am!

Elena:
This isn't you.

Stefan:
STOP SAYING THAT! (tries to compose himself) Don't get any closer to me...

Elena:
I'm not going to let this happen to you.

Stefan:
Stop.

Elena:
Stefan, I'm not going to give up on you. I believe in you...

Stefan:
STOP! (slams her against the wall) Stop! (hits the wall behind her)

Elena:
(gasps loudly)

Stefan:
(realizing what he's done) I'm so sorry.

Elena:
It's okay... It's okay...

Stefan:
(sobs)... I don't know what's happening to me...

Elena:
It's okay, Stefan. Shhh...it's okay. It's okay. (starts crying) You're gonna be okay... (stabs him with a vervain tranquilizer)

Damon:
Sure you wanna do this?

Elena:
I'm sure.

Damon:
(closes dungeon door) There's no guarantee this is gonna work.

Elena:
It has to.

Damon:
(starts to leave) Coming?

Elena:
I'm gonna stay here. (sits, leaning against the wall)

Damon:
(sits across from her)

(1864)

Stefan:
We don't have long.

Damon:
(opens the door to the prisoner's cart) Katherine! Katherine?

(both brothers pull her out; Damon begins untying her)

Damon (to Katherine):
We're gonna get you out of here.

Stefan:
Damon, hurry. Hurry!

(Damon is suddenly shot from behind)

Stefan:
No! No...

Damon:
(gasps weakly; dies)

Stefan:
Damon-

(Stefan is shot)

Elena:
(referring to Stefan) It's so hard to see him locked up like this.

Damon:
You're the one who locked him up.

Elena:
You helped.

Damon:
I couldn't have him running around chewing on people while the town was looking for vampires, now, could I?

Elena:
It had nothing to do with you actually caring about him...

Damon:
Your thing, not mine.

Damon:
So, you'll be here again tonight?

Elena:
Is that a problem?

Damon:
Yes. You're a complete nuisance.

Elena:
What's his favorite type-- um...

Damon:
Type of what?

Elena:
Type of...animal blood that he prefers?

Damon:
Ewww. Gross.

Elena:
Your joking doesn't help.

Damon:
It helps me.

Elena:
(chuckles)

Damon:
Hurry up, I can't babysit all night. I've things to do.

Elena:
I would say "drop dead", but...

Damon:
Ha-ha. Stefan likes...puppy blood. Little Golden Retriever puppies with cute, floppy ears. That's his favorite.

John:
I know you know.

Elena:
Know what?

John:
It's really silly to keep pretending. What do you think your mother would say if she knew you were dating a vampire?

Elena:
Which mother?

(1864)

Damon:
The sun hurts my eyes.

Stefan:
That's part of it. The muscle aches, the sick feeling. Emily says it's our bodies pushing us to feed; to complete the transition.

Damon:
That's not gonna happen.

Stefan:
Is that your choice, then? To die, instead?

Damon:
Isn't it yours? This was all to be with Katherine. She's gone. I want it over.

Anna:
Your uncle John wants us dead.

Jeremy:
Oh, you don't know that.

Anna:
Yes, I do. He's a hater, Jeremy.

Jeremy:
Well, I'm not.

Anna:
No. You're something else entirely.

Jeremy:
Oh, yeah? What would that be?

Anna:
My weakness.

Elena (about Damon and Alaric):
Are you two friends now?

Damon:
I don't have any friends, Elena.

Elena:
Right.

Damon:
Give me the address.

Alaric:
What, so you can go without me? No, I don't think so.

Damon:
I'm not going with you. You tried to kill me.

Alaric:
Well, you did kill me.

Stefan:
You're taking a stupid risk. I could hurt you.

Elena:
Then I'm stupid.

Stefan:
I don't want to survive... after what I've done, I just want it to be over.

(1864)

Giuseppe Salvatore:
(stands when Stefan appears in the doorway) Dear God...

Stefan:
Even in our death, you only feel shame?

Giuseppe:
You're one of them now...

Stefan:
No. Father, I came to say goodbye.

Giuseppe:
I watched you die...

Stefan:
You were there when we were shot?

Giuseppe:
I pulled the trigger myself.

Stefan:
...You killed your own sons?

Giuseppe:
You were both dead to me the moment you sided with the vampires. I only thank God that your mother isn't alive to see the disgrace you've become.

Alaric:
This was a real dead-end.

Damon:
I wouldn't beat myself up over it, man. What did you think you were gonna find? Isobel with a cigar and slippers?

Alaric:
(laughs) Oh man, I-- I gotta stop this. I can't keep searching for her.

Damon:
Really? After only two years? That's actually...moderately healthy.

Alaric:
What are you goin' on - a hundred and forty-six?

Damon:
I figured the two hundred mark is probably a good stopping point.

Damon:
She charmed me, your wife, Isobel. She talked a good game, man - she was smart. She had this excitement in her eyes... I probably should've known there was something different about her; some tie to Katherine. There had to be some reason I didn't kill her...

Alaric:
That's enough, Damon, I don't wanna hear anymore. I just don't want to waste anymore of my life searching for answers I really don't want.

Damon:
Ugh. God. You're still here?

Elena:
Were you expecting anything else?

Damon:
Nope. (sighs and takes a seat)

Elena:
So, how was the "errand"?

Damon:
Futile. Although I think I witnessed the teacher having an existential crisis. Has Stefan eaten yet?

Elena:
I thought you didn't care.

Damon:
Chalk it up to morbid curiosity.

Elena:
I think he's getting there. But he's got a lot of guilt that he has to deal with, and it doesn't help that you've spent the last hundred and forty-five years punishing him for Katherine getting caught.

Damon:
This is my fault now?

Elena:
No, it's no one's fault, Damon, I'm just...saying, you're not exactly innocent. You've made it your life's mission to make him miserable.

Damon:
(stands up) Let me ask you a question. In all this important soul-searching and cleansing of the demons of Stefan's past, did you ever manage to get the rest of the story?

Elena:
He said there was more...

Damon:
Yeah. That's an understatement.

Damon:
From the moment Stefan had his first taste of human blood, he was a different person. I suppose I should thank him - it's been a hell of a ride.

Emily:
You've transitioned.

Stefan:
You'd have rather found me dead?

Emily:
Katherine saved my life once. I owed her. But that doesn't mean I'd wish her curse on anyone.

Stefan:
It feels more like a gift.

Emily:
That will change.

Stefan:
Why is that?

Emily:
Because even in death, your heart is pure, Stefan. I sense that about you. That will be your curse.

Stefan:
You don't understand, Elena.

Elena:
Then tell me.

Stefan:
It hurts me. It hurts me knowing what I've done. And that pain - that pain is with me all the time. And every day I think that if I just...if I just give myself over to the blood, I can make that pain stop. It would be that easy. And every day I fight that. And I am so terrified that one day, I not going to want to fight that anymore more, Elena. And the next time I hurt somebody, it could be you.

Stefan:
Thank you.

Damon:
No, Stefan, thank you. You're back on Bambi blood, and I'm the big, bad-ass brother again. All's right in the world.

Stefan:
No, I mean it. Thank you, for helping her take care of me.

Damon:
You brood too much. Everything on this planet's not your fault - my actions, what I do, it's not your fault. I own them - they belong to me. You are not allowed to feel my guilt.

Stefan:
You feel guilt?

Damon:
If I wanted to - it's there.

Stefan:
Why didn't you tell me?

Damon:
'Cause I didn't want you to know. 'Cause I hated you, and I still do.

Stefan:
I know.

Damon:
...But not because you forced me to turn.

Stefan:
Then why?

Damon:
...Because she turned you, too. It was just supposed to be me, Stefan. Just me.

Alaric:
I loved you. How could I not search for you?

Isobel:
Because I wasn't lost, Ric.

Alaric:
Screw you, you selfish bitch.

Damon:
You successfully cured him of anything interesting about his personality.

Elena:
Remember who helped me.

Damon:
I hate myself.

Caroline:
Southern Classic Elegance.

Bonnie:
Gone With the Wind?

Caroline:
How'd you know?

Bonnie:
You channel Scarlett daily.

Alaric:
Damon. Thanks for coming.

Damon:
Sorry I'm late. The dog ate my, uh...nevermind.

Damon:
Did you ask her about uncle John? Are they working together?

Alaric:
No.

Damon:
No, they're not?

Alaric:
No, I didn't ask.

Damon:
What about the invention?

Alaric:
Didn't ask.

Damon:
Does she know about the tomb vampires?

Alaric:
I don't know.

Damon:
Did words completely escape you?

Alaric:
No, I was a little too distracted by my dead vampire wife to ask any questions!

Alaric:
She threatened to go on a killing spree.

Damon:
Oh. I take it that's...not...okay with you guys?

Isobel:
Your new boyfriend, over there by the pool table? Stefan Salvatore. Why Stefan? Why didn't you go for Damon? Or are you enjoying them both, like Katherine did?

Damon:
We should be in there...

Alaric:
No, Isobel made it clear we're not to step a foot inside.

Damon:
I'm not going to kill her in a crowded restaurant.

Alaric:
You're not going to kill her, period!

Alaric (to Damon):
Hell, you're a dick and you kill people, but I still see something human in you.

Damon:
You can turn it off. Like a button you can press. I mean, Stefan's different, he-- he wants the whole "human" experience. He wants to feel every episode of "How I Met Your Mother", so he shuts his feelings out. The problem is, as a vampire, your instinct is not to feel.

Damon:
No guilt and shame. I mean, come on - if you could turn it off, wouldn't you?

Alaric:
You haven't.

Damon:
(scoffs) Course I have, Ric. It's why I'm so fun to be around.

Damon:
(slams Isobel down on the floor by her throat) Now that I have your attention, listen up. You do not come into my town, threaten people I care about. Going after Elena? Bad move. You leave her alone or I'll rip you to bits, because I do believe in killing the messenger. And you know why? Because it sends a message. (picks her head up and slams it back into the floor)

Isobel:
Unh!

Damon:
Katherine wants something from me, you tell that little bitch to come get it herself.

Bonnie:
Are you sure this is what Isobel wants?

Elena:
Yeah, I'm sure. Why?

Bonnie:
This is a weapon. Against vampires.

Elena:
Why are you doing this?

Isobel:
I'm showing you how easy it is for me to hurt the ones you love.

Elena:
And you're doing this just because of Jonathan Gilbert's invention?

Isobel:
Hand it over, and it will all stop.

Elena:
I told you, Damon is not going to give it to me.

Isobel:
I think you underestimate how much Damon cares about you.

Elena:
He'll kill you before he gives it up.

Isobel:
Is that before or after I kill your brother, Jeremy?

Damon:
I like being a living dead person

Damon:
Are you even up for this? I mean, no offense, you're no Emily Bennett. Emily knew what she was doing.

Bonnie:
I've been practicing.

Damon:
It's not piano lessons, honey.

Isobel:
Don't look for any redeeming qualities in me. I don't have any.

Elena:
But you took a risk with Damon. How did you know that he was going to give the device to me?

Isobel:
Because he's in love with you.

Elena:
Thank you.

Isobel:
For what?

Elena:
For being such a monumental disappointment. It keeps the memory of my real mother perfectly intact.

Isobel:
As long as you have a Salvatore on each arm, you're doomed.

Isobel:
What did you expect? You spent all this time trying to track me down. What did you think you would find?

Alaric:
The woman who gave me this. (raises his eternity ring) I mean, you act like you don't care - but you cared enough to protect me after you left.

Isobel:
I was a different person back then.

Alaric:
Right! And that person is gone. The woman I married, the woman I loved, she's just...she's gone. (throws the ring at her) You expect me to believe that? (throws his vervain on the floor)

Isobel:
What are you doing?

Alaric:
Well, I'm ring-free, I'm vervain-free. So either kill me or compel me, because I don't believe it. Not for a second.

Stefan:
Well, I know that you and Elena have bonded, and I know that she cares about you, and...I know you care about her.

Damon:
Well, this is going in an interesting direction.

Stefan:
I'm just concerned about Elena being hurt. She considers you...a friend.

Damon:
Same here. Elena is a very good friend. Actually, she might qualify as my only..."friend."

Stefan:
So, at the risk of sounding like, uh...like a jealous boyfriend...

Damon:
Oh, there's no risk. You do.

Stefan:
History will not be repeating itself where Elena is concerned. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Damon:
Sure, sure.

Damon:
Am I the only one around here who has the ability to put two and two together? Isobel! Helloooo! She dated John when she was 15; she gets pregnant, and ends up in the doctor's office of John's brother. Now, what do you think John's role is in all this? I mean, go ahead and think about it, I'll wait. (pauses) Did you get it? You there yet?

Stefan:
So you think that John is Elena's father?

Damon:
Ding, ding, ding, ding!

Stefan:
What proof do you have?

Damon:
I don't need any proof - that's a DNA test for John, Elena, and Maury Povich to deal with. But I know how well you deal with these big "bombshells", so... Sleep tight.

Stefan:
What are you doing here?

Damon:
Why wouldn't I be here? It's Founder's Day! I'm here to eat cotton candy and steal your girl.

Stefan:
Don't start with me, Damon.

Damon:
Oh, you started it, Stefan, with the whole "I'm insecure, leave Elena alone" speech. I'm just enjoying that.

Stefan:
As long as you heard it.

Damon:
Huh? What?

Damon:
I get it. I'm the better, hotter, superior choice and you're scared, now that Katherine is out of the picture, that I'm gonna turn all my attention to Elena.

Anna:
It's my blood. If you die with it in your system, you'll come back.

Jeremy:
Anna...

Anna:
I know you, what it's like for you...being alone, always feeling empty inside, no one to understand. But when you're a vampire, you don't have to feel that way! You can shut it off. I can show you how.

Elena:
I have enough problems with the family that I actually care about. Jeremy hates me - and why wouldn't he? My journal gave him every single reason to.

Stefan:
He's just hurt, he's confused.

Elena:
He's never going to forgive me for Vicki, for taking away his memories, for lying to him...

Stefan:
He's your brother, he'll forgive you. Just give him some time.

Tyler (talking about Matt):
I said I was sorry!

Caroline:
You made out with his mother and then you beat him to a pulp. You're gonna have to do a little bit better than "sorry."

Damon:
I wanna say something to you.

Bonnie:
Just leave me alone.

Damon:
Thank you. The device in Emily's spell could have killed me. I don't take what you did lightly, so... thank you.

Bonnie:
(nonplussed) I did it for Elena.

Damon:
I know that, but I'm still very grateful. And... I owe you.

Damon (to normally-dressed Elena):
I like you better like this. The period look, it... didn't suit you.

Elena:
Is that an insult?

Damon:
Actually, Elena, it is a compliment of the highest order.

Elena:
So, I think you should stop with the flirty little comments and that...eye thing that you do.

Damon:
(grins, quirks his eyebrows) What "eye thing"?

Elena:
I lied; I was wrong. But you're my brother, Jer, and I love you, and I have to fix it. So just tell me, what can I do?

Jeremy:
You can go to hell, Elena.

Damon:
(mockingly) I have so many emotions, but I don't have any way to express them. Being a teenager is so hard!

Jeremy:
You're a dick!

Damon:
(grabs him) You do not talk to me like that. I'm not your sister. And from now on, don't talk to your sister that way, either.

Jeremy:
So, you're going to kill me just because I hurt Elena's feelings?

Damon:
Cut her some slack.

Jeremy:
She erased my memories.

Damon:
No, I did. She was protecting you.

Jeremy:
It wasn't her call to make.

(Damon grabs him)

Jeremy:
Let go of me before I cause a scene.

Damon:
You'd be unconscious before you even got a word out.

Stefan:
Elena's relationship with her brother is none of your business, so stay out of it.

Damon:
Oh, there's only one "do-gooder hero" role available? My bad, I'm sorry.

Stefan:
Get over yourself. We both know that you're not doing this for the right reasons.

Damon:
See, there you go with that little jealousy act again. It's just, what are the right reasons, Stefan? I mean, enlighten me! Please!

Stefan:
See, Damon, it's only real when it comes from your desire to do the right thing for nothing in return.

Damon:
Right...

Stefan:
Yeah, and I know that that is an entirely foreign concept to you. I completely understand that you wouldn't get it.

Damon:
You keep those nifty little vamp weapons in your car?

Alaric:
Yeah, why do you ask?

Damon:
Because this square is crawling with tomb vampires. I think we might need a stake or two.

Elena:
What are you doing?

Damon:
Saving your life, in 15 words or less. Tomb vamps are here, founding families are their target. (to Stefan) Get her out of here, now!

Stefan:
Wait, where are you going?

Damon:
That's more than 15 words, Stefan.

Damon:
Mayor? Is that you?

Mayor Lockwood:
What are you doing here?!

Damon:
I'm a vampire. What's your excuse?

Stefan (about Damon):
I try so hard...to hate him. I guess it's just pointless.

Bonnie:
We both wanna protect the people we care about. This difference is, for you, Damon is one of them. You saw what I was able to do tonight. I know who I am now. And if Damon spills so much as one drop of innocent blood, I`ll take him down - even if I have to take you with him.

Damon:
I saw her killed. I was watching and all I could think about was...I wanted to help her. But I couldn't.

Jeremy:
Anna said that vampires don't have to feel pain; that they could turn it off if they shut out their humanity.

Damon:
It's very true.

Jeremy:
Is it easier that way?

Damon:
Is what easier?

Jeremy:
Life.

Damon:
Life sucks either way, Jeremy. At least if you're a vampire, you don't have to feel bad about it if you don't want to.

Damon:
You know, I came to this town wanting to destroy it. Tonight I found myself wanting to protect it. How does that happen? I'm not a hero, Elena. I don't do good. It's not...in me.

Katherine (pretending to be Elena):
Maybe it is.

Damon:
No. No, it's reserved for my brother, and you, and Bonnie... who, even though she has every reason to hate me, still helped Stefan save me.

Katherine:
Why do you sound so surprised?

Damon:
Because she did it for you. Which means that somewhere along the way, you decided that I was worth saving. I wanted to...thank you for that.

Katherine:
You're welcome.

John:
You know I first met Isobel when I was a teenager. I fell in love with her instantly, although I`m pretty sure she never loved me. She was special. Part of why I hate vampires so much is because of what she became. How it ruined her. And I never would`ve sent her to Damon had I known she wanted to turn. It`s my fault. I`m telling you this because I hope maybe you`d understand.

John:
Katherine?!

Katherine:
Hello, John. Goodbye, John. (stabs him)

Hello brother

When people see good they expect good and i don't wana live up to anyone's expectations

Stefan:
For over a century, I have lived in secret. Hiding in the shadows. Alone in the world. Until now. I'm a vampire, and this is my story.

Stefan:
Damon

Damon:
Hello, Brother.

Caroline:
Ok, it's easy. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Sex.

Damon:
You must be Elena. I'm Damon, Stefan's brother.

Elena:
He didn't tell me he had a brother.

Damon:
Well, Stefan's not one to brag. Please, come. I'm sure Stefan will be along any second.

[Tyler bumps Jeremy.]

Jeremy:
Alright, I get it. Hit me to impress her. That's– That's real nice.

Tyler:
I don't need to impress her. I already won.

[Jeremy shoves Tyler back.]

Tyler:
Now you're dead.

Jeremy:
Am I? 'Cause it seems like I'm standing here waiting for you to man up.

[Tyler tries to rush Jeremy, but Matt restrains him.]

Matt:
Ty, don't!

Tyler:
The next time I see you, Gilbert–

Jeremy:
No, next time I see you.

[Jeremy picks his jacket up and walks out. As Tyler walks to a table, Matt turns to Vicki.]

Matt:
What are you doing, Vick?

[Tyler approaches Vicki.]

Vicki:
Hey, babe. What's wrong?

Tyler:
Nothing. [Notices Jeremy sitting on the back of a truck] Is that Jeremy? [Walks towards Jeremy]

Vicki:
[Tries to stop Tyler from walking towards Jeremy] Oh, no. Ty, no. Leave him alone.

Tyler:
[Pushes Vicki away from him] What do you care? [Approaches Jeremy] Don't look so down. You can have her when I'm done.

[Jeremy punches Tyler in the face. Jeremy and Tyler engage in a fistfight.]

Vicki:
Tyler, stop it! Tyler! Stop! You're hurting him! Tyler! Tyler, stop! Tyler! Stop it! Tyler, stop!

[Stefan sees Jeremy and Tyler in a fistfight and walks over to them.]

Stefan:
Hey, he's down! [Grabs Tyler's arm] Enough!

[Tyler punches Stefan in the chest, but finds that his punch is ineffective on Stefan. As Elena runs towards Stefan, Jeremy, Vicki, and Tyler, Jeremy picks a broken beer bottle up and goes to strike at Stefan and Tyler. Tyler tries to punch Stefan, but Stefan pushes Tyler out of the way.]

Elena:
Jeremy. no!

[Jeremy cuts Stefan's hand.]

Matt:
[Restrains Tyler] Tyler! Knock it off! Stop!

Stefan:
I'm an avid reader. A huge Fitzgerald fan. "The Great Gatsby", his masterpiece. But I'm no snob. I love some good Grisham. I think 'Seinfeld' is the best American television show for the past 50 years, but 'I Love Lucy' is all time. The loving cup episode was the best, I think. Huge Scorsese fan. I can watch 'Taxi Driver' over and over again.

Elena:
Here, let me.[Helps Stefan prep dinner]

Stefan:
As far as music, it's pretty much across the board. Um, Dylan, Hendrix, Patsy, Willie. Oh, Kanye. You know what, I even like that one Miley song.

Elena:
[Scoffs]

Stefan:
Easy…

Elena:
I didn’t say anything.

Elena:
Wait. How long have you...

Stefan:
I've been 17 years old since 1864.

Elena:
Oh, my god.

Damon:
Why are you just standing there? That is a girl who clearly wants to be chased. If you don't do it, I will.

Damon:
I've been in love. It's painful and pointless and overrated.

Damon:
There's nothing about that Logan guy I killed in here. Not a word. Someone's covering it up.

Bonnie:
Don't be bitter . It provokes wrinkles.

Damon:
(Elena starts feeling anger starting and looks at her as blood is covered on her) You need to leave. Your wounds are bleeding. And you need to leeave.

Lexi:
I'm older and that means stronger.

Damon:
[Choking] Sorry.

Lexi:
Don't ruin my time with Stefan 'cause I'll hurt you. [Whispering] And you know I can do it.

Damon:
Yeah.

Alaric:
[Speaking to Jeremy] You know that your old teacher had a jackass file? No joke. It's typed on a label. It has all the troublemakers in it, but really it's just an opus to you.

[Stefan helps Damon down from the tree branch Bonnie as Emily has impaled him on]

Damon:
Oh, that hurts. This is why I feed on people.

[Stefan and Elena are in bed, cuddling]

Elena:
(Sighs) Good morning.

Stefan:
I could get used to this...

Damon:
Rise and shine, sleepyheads!

Stefan:
What are you doing?!

Elena:
Damon, please!

Damon:
Oh, stop being smutty.

Stefan:
Seriously, get out of here!

Damon:
If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.