VeggieTales

Assistant:
It can't be done. I don't think you can do it.

Scientist:
Well then, stand back and behold as I throw this switch! It's alive! Alive! [laughs in an evil manner] Stand!

Assistant:
Oh my goodness! Look how big it is!

Scientist:
Speak!

Frankencelery:
[moans]

Scientist:
Walk to me! No! This way!

Assistant:
Oh, look at it going!

Scientist:
Frankencelery, where are you going? Come back here! No, don't go near the door! [Frankencelery walks out the door and a scream is heard] Frankencelery, come back! Stay away from those villagers!

Mom Asparagus:
Junior! It's time for bed!

Junior Asparagus:
Just four more minutes.

Mom Asparagus:
That's what you said four minutes ago. Let's skedaddle up those stairs. Your father will be up in a minute to tuck you in. Besides, I think this show might be a little too scary for you.

[Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber crash through Junior's ceiling.]

Junior:
Aah! Who are you?

Bob:
I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I'm here to help you.

[Junior's toy chest starts rattling]

Junior:
There's something in my toy chest! It's a- It's a- [Larry pops out with a bonnet on his head] ... baby pickle?

Bob:
It's a cucumber.

Bob the Tomato:
Look up at that window. What do you see?

Junior Asparagus:
My curtains.

Bob:
No! Out the window, up in the sky.

Junior:
I see lots of stars.

Larry the Cucumber:
God made all those stars out of nothing, he just went, [razzes], and there they were.

Narrator:
[while Daniel is praying] And so the next day, just like every other day, Daniel prayed and thanked God for the sunshine and for all his friends. He also thanked God for giving him the courage to do what was right, even when he knew it could get him in trouble.

Daniel (Larry):
[opens one eye] Did you say "trouble"?

[The Scallions open the door and catch Daniel in the act.]

Scallion #1:
Ah-ha!

[The Scallions approach Daniel.]

Scallion #1:
Daniel, because you violated Section 4219 2R9-4000 6 dot 1 dash 7, B, of the code of Babylon, forbidding prayer to anyone but King Darius- you are hereby sentenced to be consumed by the lions. Goodbye!

Daniel (Larry):
Hey, didn't get I get a phone [The Scallions tosses him in] caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllll!

[Daniel lands on the ground with a thud. He gets up dizzily. The scallion wisemen call down to him.]

Scallion #2:
Hey, Daniel! We know you're gonna have fun down there! We're not "lion"!

Scallion #3:
Uh, yeah, you better be "lion" down, because those lions are gonna... lie... on you!

Scallion #2:
[to Scallion #3] Mine was funny, yours was... goofy. Lions are gonna lie on him? They're gonna EAT him! They're not gonna LIE on him!

Scallion #3:
Well, maybe they'll lie on him first, and then eat him... or maybe one will lie on him while the others eat him... or maybe they'll take turns between lying and eating-

Scallion #2:
Yeah, you think the lions are gonna cooperate and say "Hey, I'll eat him, you lie on him"? Come on, we're the ones who are lyin', not the lions. [seals the den up]

Daniel (Larry):
[singing in fear] Oh no, what am I gonna do? It looks like I'm gonna end up as lion stew!

[last lines of "Daniel and the Lion's Den"]

Darius (Archibald):
I've got it, a new law! From this day forth, everyone will pray only to Daniel's God, no more of this silly praying to me business. But who's idea was that anyway? Oh, yes, I remember.

Scallion #1:
[whispers to Scallion #2] I hear they're looking for wisemen down in Egypt. Been fun, got to go now!

Scallion #2:
Yeah, see ya! [The Scallions runs off]

Darius (Archibald):
[angrily; he and Daniel start chasing The Scallions] Where do you think you're going?! Come back here, you scoundrels! You scallywags! Not so fast! Stop! I'm the King, you must stop now! Come back here! Stop it!

Daniel (Larry):
Hey guys, come back! There's some pizza left!

Bob the Tomato:
God made you special, and He loves you very much. [closing line of most episodes]

[Tom and Rosie begin slinging nonsensical insults at each other]

Tom Grape:
Hey! What'd you do that for?

Rosie Grape:
I didn't do it! You did, ya big possum head!

Tom:
I did not, you taco salad rabbit nose!

Rosie:
You did too, casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana boy!

Tom:
Pa!

Pa Grape:
[gets out of the car] Now, Rose, apologize to your brother.

Rosie:
Huh? What for?

Pa:
Well, you know he just turned 18 years old.

Rosie:
Yeah, so?

Pa:
So that would make him a casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana man!

Rosie:
Oh, yeah, sorry about that, [under breath] cabbage-nosed Elvis puppy.

Tom:
Yeah, and don't you forget it!

Bob the Tomato:
Boy, I sure am glad they got that straightened out.

Larry the Cucumber:
Yep, the grapes were really sorry this time, so once again, Junior forgave them.

[The scenes cuts back to the story]

Junior Asparagus:
[angrily] What?!

Larry (voice-over):
I said, "once again, Junior forgave them."

Junior:
Are you serious?!?

[The scene cuts back to the Countertop]

Larry:
Well, I think so. Bob am I serious?

Bob:
Oh yeah, Larry. Yeah, y-you're serious. Mmm-hmm.

[The scene cuts back to the story]

Junior:
I'm supposed to forgive them again? After what they just did to me?!

[The scene cuts back to the Countertop]

Larry:
Well, uh... yeah.

[The scene cuts back to the story]

Junior:
Sure, I forgave them for calling me "Bean Boy" and saying I had cheese on my head. But now they're making fun of my name and they laughed when the hoe almost smacked my face CLEEEEAAAAN off, and then the truck picked me up and threw me in the sand! And you're telling me, I'm supposed to forgive them AGAIN!?!

Larry:
Um, well, are you guys really sorry?

Tom and Rosie:
We're sorry, and we'll never do it again!

[QWERTY is playing Pong when Bob and Larry hops to it]

Bob:
Hey, QWERTY, can you help us? [QWERTY nods] We need to know how many times we're supposed to forgive people, according to the Bible. Maybe um, seven times? [QWERTY shows a light bulb for idea, then pulls a verse] Matthew 18:22. Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven."

Larry:
Oh! 70 × 7.

Bob:
70 × 7. I see.

Larry:
Um, do you know what 70 × 7 is?

Bob:
Nope, how about you?

Larry:
Nope.

Bob:
Well, does anybody know what 70 × 7 is?

Ma Grape:
Nine?

Pa:
Let's see, I remember from college, it was, uh... π, r... oy!

Tom:
Was it two? Or maybe... Seven?

Rosie:
490!

All:
Ooh!

Dad Asparagus:
Now, that's one smart grape.

[Bob and Larry begin to tell the tale of "Larry's Lagoon"]

Bob (voice-over):
I remember that day, that fateful trip.

Larry (voice-over):
Why, yes. It started from that tropic port, aboard our tiny ship.

Bob (voice-over):
Now Larry, he was a mighty sailin' man.

Larry (voice-over):
And Bob, he was brave and sure.

Bob (voice-over):
And weren't there five passengers booked that day, on our three-hour tour?

Larry (voice-over):
Ah, yes... our three-hour tour.

Bob (voice-over):
There was the Professor.

Larry (voice-over):
And we were there.

Bob (voice-over):
Of course. And the millionaire.

Larry (voice-over):
And his wife.

Bob (voice-over):
Yep. And wasn't there a movie star and that other girl?

Larry (voice-over):
Yeah, but they cancelled.

[First-mate Larry is now at the wheel of the boat]

Larry (voice-over):
Oh, boy. This is the life. There's nothing I'd rather be than First-mate Larry. Well, nothing, that is, except... [with a fake Russian accent] Captain Larry Romanoff, the famous Russian icebreaker pilot. Today, Captain Larry must free whales. Two great whales trapped in ice. But, there is problem! A large iceberg stands between Captain Larry and whales. There may not be enough time to go around it! But surely, even Captain Larry is not brave enough to smash through the iceberg! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE SUCH A THING! [Captain Larry sets the boat to maximum speed and steers toward the huge iceberg] Yes, this is no time for cowards! Captain Larry will smash the iceberg, and free the whales! [Commander Boblov arrives] Ah, Commander Boblov has come to congratulate Captain Larry for his bravery.

[First-mate Larry's daydream ends, and Commander Boblov changes back to Skipper Bob]

Bob:
Hey, Larry. We're making snow cones back there. Do you want peach or strawberry?

Larry:
Um, not now, Bob. First, I have to smash through this iceberg and free some whales.

Bob:
[incredulously] There are no icebergs around here.

Larry:
Oh, yeah? Well, what do you call that?

[The boat is racing directly towards a large rock. Skipper Bob and First-mate Larry both scream in horror simultaneously as the boat crashes on the rock, flinging Skipper Bob, First-mate Larry and the passengers onto the beach of a tropical island]

Lovey Asparagus:
Oh, the brochure didn't say anything about layovers.

Archibald Asparagus:
Well, you see, Lovey, I believe we had some sort of an accident.

Bob:
Yes, we most certainly had an accident, [angrily turns to Larry] and I think someone has some explaining to do.

Larry:
Well, you see, there were these whales, and they were stuck on the ice, and the only way to get 'em out was to smash that iceberg over there, except it turned out to be a rock, and rocks are a lot harder than icebergs.

Dad Asparagus:
It just so happens that the nearest iceberg is 2,640 miles away. What were you thinking?

Bob:
You smashed our boat! Now what're we gonna do?

Lovey:
You've ruined our vacation. What do you have to say for yourself?

Larry:
Um... I'm sorry? [brightly] At least the boat's still floating. [The boat sinks immediately and Larry frowns guiltily] Oh.

Archibald:
[annoyed] Alright, I'll need to call my broker. I'm going to look for a phone.

Bob (voice-over):
That evening, we all worked together to build some huts to sleep in, but we were still pretty mad at Larry.

[Inside one of the huts, Bob and Larry are laying in their beds]

Larry:
Gee, it's kinda nice out here. Maybe this isn't so bad after all, Huh Bob?

Bob:
[still annoyed] Not so bad? What do you mean "Not so bad"?! Our boat is at the bottom of the ocean and we're stuck on this island, in the middle of nowhere, with no way to get home!

Larry:
I said I was "sorry". At least you could forgive me.

Bob:
Well it's just that we're... Well, can't you see we're... I just... I just... can't! [turns away] Oh!

Larry:
I said I was "sorry".

Bob:
Well, that's just not good enough. Good night. [turns to sleep]

Larry:
Not good enough? Not good enough?! He means-He means I'm not good enough. They all think I'm not good enough. I bet they be happier if I just left. So that's what I'll do. [climbs out of bed] I'm just gonna-gonna take my things and just go away, Yeah. [looks for those, but didn't see them] I don't have any things, so I'll just go. With just my hat. [hops out] Goodbye, Bob. I hope you find a first mate that's good enough. [he sadly hops away]

Archibald:
I wonder where the skipper is.

Lovey:
Who?

Archibald:
You know, dear, the bright, red, round fellow.

Lovey:
Oh, yes. Where is he, anyway?

Archibald:
I don't know. That's what I was wondering.

Lovey:
Oh, I see.

Bob:
Has anyone seen Larry?

Archibald:
Did you say something?

Lovey:
No, it was that tree over there.

Archibald:
Really? Well, what did it say?

Lovey:
I believe it's looking for Larry. ...Who's Larry?

Archibald:
Oh, you remember. He's the chap who smashed the boat.

Lovey:
Oh, and ruined our vacation?

Archibald:
That's the one.

Lovey:
Oh... Well, I hope that tree gets him. Serves him right.

Archibald:
Here, here.

[Bob is high up in the tree.]

Bob:
Hello! People! Have you seen Larry?

Archibald:
Oh look, Lovey! It's the skipper!

Lovey:
I didn't know tomatoes grew on trees.

Archibald:
Well, actually... Oh, never mind. [to Bob] Skipper, what are you doing up there?!

Bob:
I'm looking for Larry! When I woke up this morning, he was gone!

[last lines of "Larry's Lagoon"]

Larry:
Hey, Bob?

Bob:
Yeah, Larry?

Larry:
Um, next summer, let's just sell lemonade, like everyone else.

Bob:
That sounds like a good idea.

[Bob and Larry beam into Junior's bedroom via spaceship]

Junior Asparagus:
Aah! Who are you?

Bob the Tomato:
I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I need your help!

Junior:
Whoa... Déjà vu. [notices the chocolate bar stuck on Larry's helmet] Um... what's he got on his space helmet?

Bob:
Huh? What do you mean? [notices it as well] Larry!

Larry the Cucumber:
What?

Bob:
How times have I told you not to eat when you're wearing your helmet?

Larry:
Oh. Sorry. [tries shaking and biting it off, then nudges it off]

Jimmy Gourd:
You know, sometimes differences can be good... if we just take the time to get to know each other.

Junior:
Yeah, maybe. So, why do you eat so much?

Jimmy:
Uh, we're hungry, I guess.

Jerry Gourd:
It's our metabolism or something.

Jimmy:
You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole bus!

Jerry:
Yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship!

Jimmy:
Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole PLANET!

[The word "planet" echoes in Junior's brain]

Junior:
Scooter, how many escape pods d'you say there were?

Scooter Carrot:
Two!

Junior:
Jimmy! Did you mean what you said about eating a whole planet?

Jimmy:
Well, sure, but...

Junior:
How would you guys like to help save the ship?

Jimmy:
Well, gosh, that'd be swell!

Junior:
GRAB THE GOURDS!!!!!!

Jimmy and Jerry:
LET'S EAT IT!!!!!!!!!!

[Jimmy and Jerry are eating the popcorn meteor.]

Scooter:
Do you think it's possible?

Junior:
If anyone can do it, they can.

[Bob, Larry, Junior, and Scooter keep watching as the gourds eat the meteor.]

Bob:
Only ten seconds left! I sure hope those gourds were hungry! Five... Four... Three... Two... One... INCOMING!!!!!!!!

[Everyone ducks for cover. A high-pitched whistling sound leads up to Jimmy and Jerry splatting against the windshield without a meteor in sight.]'

Jimmy:
No more for me, thanks. I'm full. [burps] 'Scuse me.

Grandpa George:
Heh! The Nezzer Chocolate Bunny! Every day, they make 14,638 of these li'l fellers, give or take a few. Oh yeah, Mr. Nezzer! Nebby K. Nezzer. But you better call him Mr. Nezzer. Now, Mr. Nezzer's not a bad man, he just gets confused sometimes. Why, his chocolate bunnies are sellin' so well, I think he's gotten a little big for his britches. And that's saying something, so his britches'll break out to start out with. What's all that have to do with Rack, Shack & Benny? Well, their troubles started when Mr. Nezzer made a little announcement.

[A bell that sounds like a school bell is heard ringing, and a TV monitor lowers from the ceiling. Mr. Nezzer appears on the screen.]

Mr. Nezzer:
Attention, little people! I have an announcement! This morning, the Nezzer Chocolate Factory has shipped its two-millionth chocolate bunny! To celebrate this momentous occasion, for the next 30 minutes, everyone may eat as many bunnies they want! Bon appétit!

Mr. Lunt:
[operating the TV camera] Hey, boss, that's awfully nice of you to give away all those bunnies.

Mr. Nezzer:
Oh, if I could just see the looks on their faces right now. [takes a rest]

[Rack, Shack & Benny are the only ones in the factory not lying ill from eating too much chocolate]

Mr. Nezzer:
Everybody else is lying down, but you three are standing up.

Mr. Lunt:
Actually, boss, I think the tomato is sitting.

Rack (Bob the Tomato):
I'm standing.

Mr. Lunt:
Sitting!

Rack:
Look, [squats] this is sitting... [stretches up] and this is standing. I'm standing.

Mr. Lunt:
Okay, he's standing.

Mr. Nezzer:
What're your names, boys?

Rack:
I'm Shadrach.

Shack (Junior Asparagus] I'm Meshach.

Benny (Larry the Cucumber):
I'm Abumblebee... Abennyboo... I'm Benny.

[Having finished demonstrating "The Bunny Song", Mr. Nezzer looks to the boys for feedback]

Mr. Nezzer:
Well? What do you think?

Rack:
Um... what would happen, let's say, if someone didn't quite agree with everything in that song, so they, um... didn't sing it? What would happen?

Mr. Nezzer:
What's that over there?

Shack:
That's the furnace.

Mr. Nezzer:
What's it for?

Benny:
Well, that's where the bad bunnies go.

Mr. Nezzer:
And let's just say, in my mind, if you don't bow down and sing the song, you're a BAD bunny.

Rack:
[unnerved] You don't mean...?

Mr. Nezzer:
But I'm sure that won't happen. It's almost time for the ceremony. I'll see you out there.

[Everyone, except Rack, Shack and Benny, bows down as the intro music to "The Bunny Song" plays]

Mr. Lunt:
[notices that Rack, Shack and Benny aren't bowing] Hey, boss? Those three guys, they don't look like they're bowing.

Mr. Nezzer:
[confused] Hmm... aren't those our new Junior Executives?

Mr. Lunt:
I think so. Maybe they're stuck.

Mr. Nezzer:
Let's find out. [moves the podium over to Rack, Shack and Benny] I said, it's time to sing "The Bunny Song."

[The factory's delivery girl, Laura Carrot, notices the situation]

Laura:
Come on, guys, sing the song! Everybody's doing it.

Mr. Nezzer:
[with increasing frustration] Sing the song!

Mr. Lunt:
They ain't singing, boss.

Mr. Nezzer:
[finally on the brink of losing his temper] SING!

[Shack begins singing "Think Of Me"]

Mr. Nezzer:
Is that "The Bunny Song?"

Mr. Lunt:
[skeptical] No, I don't think so.

Laura:
[worried] Are you crazy? That's the wrong song!

[Shack keeps singing. Rack and Benny join in on the last verse]

Mr. Nezzer:
[touched] Oh, that was wonderful. I'm gonna be singing that song myself... [suddenly angry] as I throw you into the furnace! GUARDS! [Rack, Shack and Benny are shocked] Seize them! Take them to the furnace.

[A band of carrot guards approach Rack, Shack and Benny]

Laura:
I've gotta help them. But how?

[Laura sees her flying delivery truck and approaches it as the scene fades out]

Grandpa George:
[off-camera] Rack, Shack and Benny will be right back, after this short break.

[Rack, Shack and Benny are nearly dumped in the furnace, but Laura saves them, and puts them in her flying delivery truck]

Laura:
Sorry, sir! Can't let you cook my buddies!

Mr. Nezzer:
GUARDS! Get them!

[Two carrot guards jump into their own flying vehicles]

Laura:
Hang on, guys!

[after Laura unplugs the robotic arms]

Laura:
I said, NOBODY bakes my buddies!

Mr. Nezzer:
[as a pin holding the door shut starts to bend under their weight] Listen here, young lady, if you don't plug that back in, you're gonna be in BIIIIIIG trouble!

[The pin breaks and the three veggies fall out. Laura gasps as the flames rage.]

Mr. Nezzer:
[laughs evilly] Nobody's ever gonna stand up to me again! [lights turns off] Hmm?

[Mr. Nezzer turns to see a heavenly glow coming out of the furnace. He and Laura watch in surprise. Mr. Lunt peeks through a window.]

Mr. Lunt:
Hey boss, how many guys did we throw in the furnace?

Mr. Nezzer:
Uh, three?

Mr. Lunt:
Well, it looks like four guys in there now and one of them's REAL SHINY! One more thing, boss. They ain't burnin' up.

Mr. Nezzer:
Rack! Shack! Benny, come out of there!

[The door opens as Rack, Shack and Benny step out, completely unharmed, thanks to God. As the heavenly light dies down, the lights in the factory turn back on.]

Mr. Nezzer:
God has saved you from the fiery furnace. Oh I was wrong to try and make you do things you weren't supposed to do. What was I thinking? I must have forgot everything my mommy taught me. Can you ever forgive me?

Rack, Shack and Benny:
We forgive you.

Mr. Nezzer:
Oh, thanks. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?

Shack:
Well, you could sing one of our songs.

Mr. Nezzer:
How's it go?

Shack:
You know. I was hoping you'd ask.

[A sheep falls over by Jimmy]

Jimmy Gourd:
Oh, Dave! One of my sheep fell over! Will you come pick it up for me?

Dave (Junior Asparagus):
[struggling to pick up another sheep] I'm kinda busy right now.

Jimmy:
[miffed] Do you remember the time we dipped you in tar and stuck you to the backside of an angry water buffalo?

Dave:
I'll be right there!

[Another sheep falls over by Tom]

Tom Grape:
Hey, Dave! One of my sheep fell, too!

Dave:
Just a minute!

[Jerry knocks over a row of sheep]

Jerry Gourd:
[smugly] Oh, look! All of my sheep fell over. Dave!

Jimmy:
Oh, Dave! After you pick up our sheep, could you run and get me a bite to eat? I'm famished!

Jerry:
Oh, yeah! Me, too! Get me something, too!

Jimmy:
You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole camel!

Jerry:
Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship!

Jimmy:
[confused] Uh, what's a spaceship?

Jerry:
I have no idea.

[The Philistines, portrayed by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from across the battlefield]

Jean-Claude:
Hello, Israelites! You are pigs, and soon we will put apples in your mouths and stick you in our toaster ovens! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Christophe:
Ah, yes, after we defeat you, you will be our slaves and you will have to fetch us our slippers.

Jean-Claude:
Yes, and iron our trousers!

Christophe:
Ho-ho, and wipe our little noses.

Jean-Claude:
Ha-ha, and scratch that spot on our backs that we cannot reach no matter how hard we try. Ha! [no response from the Israelites] Don't you have anything to say?

Jimmy:
Um... Do you guys have any fried chicken? I've got a real hankering for fried chicken.

Jerry:
Yeah, me, too!

Jean-Claude:
[to Christophe] This is going to be easier than we thought.

Goliath:
Who will fight me?!

Dave:
I will fight you, Goliath!

Jimmy:
[to Tom and Jerry] You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that sounded like Dave!

Tom:
[laughs] Well, yeah! [spots Dave running out onto the battlefield] You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that looks like Dave!

Dave's Brothers:
[shocked] Huh?! [Dave smiles at his brothers] DAVE?! [Jimmy faints]

Bob the Tomato:
[narrating] Goliath was equally surprised.

Goliath:
Who said that?

Dave:
[clears throat] I did!

Goliath:
Huh? [sees Dave] Oh ho ho! Am I a dog that you come at me with sticks?

[Philistines laugh]

Dave:
I don't exactly know what you mean, but you are not a dog! You're just a really big guy who wants to beat me up! And I come at you not with sticks, but in the name of the God of Israel, who this day will help me defeat you!

Goliath:
We will see who defeats who! Now we fight!

Jean-Claude:
It's showtime!

[The Veggie kids watch intently as a TV commercial plays]

Wally P. Nezzer:
[dressed as Santa Claus] Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Hey kids, do you have the "don't know what I want for Christmas" blues? If I know my toys, and you know I do, than I know just what you're looking for. You want a toy that's fun. You want a toy that's cute. Most importantly, you want a toy with a fully-functioning buzzsaw in his right hand. That's right, you want Buzz-Saw Louie!

[camera shows the toy and demonstrates the buzzsaw]

Mr. Nezzer:
Cool, huh? But wait, there's more! Buzz-Saw Louie also knows the true meaning of Christmas. All you have to do is push his nose and... [presses the Louie's nose]

Buzzsaw Louie:
Christmas is when you get stuff! You need more toys!

Mr. Nezzer:
Getting your own doll is easy. Just have your parents place an order, and one of our trained penguins will deliver it right to your door.

Announcer:
Delivery not available to Pugslyville due to the collapse of the Pugslyville Bridge.

Mr. Nezzer:
So take it from me, Mr. Nezzer... I mean, Santa Claus and his little elf helper.

Mr Lunt:
[wearing pointed ears and hat] Look at me, I'm an elf!

Mr. Nezzer:
You just won't be happy until you have Buzz-Saw Louie, the only toy with a working buzzsaw and the true meaning of Christmas.

Buzzsaw Louie:
Billy has more toys than you.

[The commercial ends, and the Veggie kids run home to beg their parents for more toys]

Junior:
[crying] Mom! Mom! We need more toys!

Percy:
Billy has more toys than me!

Dad Pea:
Who's Billy?

Percy:
I dunno, but he has more toys than me!

Laura:
[whines loudly] I want a Buzz-Saw Louie!

Lenny:
I want ten Buzz-Saw Louies!

Laura and Lenny:
Cuz that's the true meaning of Christmas! [crying]

[Bob is lying upside down in a snow pile after crashing in Junior's sled]

Larry:
Bob, Bob! Are you okay!?

Bob:
Mouse Trap!

Larry:
Huh?

Bob:
I wanted to play Mouse Trap! You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt.

[Mr. Nezzer is about to send Bob, Larry, Junior, and Louie over the broken Puggslyville bridge]

Mr. Nezzer:
One more thing. If those parents really care about the true meaning of Christmas, where are they now?

Dad Asparagus:
We're right here!

Mr. Nezzer:
Huh? [turns to see the Veggie parents and their kids glaring back]

Dad Asparagus:
We care much about the true meaning of Christmas, Mr. Nezzer!

Dad Carrot:
That's what we came here... to give you what you deserve!

Mr. Nezzer:
Wha-wha-oh! You didn't really think I was going to... heh... oh, that was just... just a joke! I wouldn't... What are you going to do?

[Laura confronts to Mr. Nezzer, now with a happy face, handing him a present.]

Laura:
Mr. Nezzer... Merry Christmas!

Mr. Nezzer:
Huh? Is that for me? Oh, it's a little bear! Oh, I always wanted a Christmas present, but we were too poor! You don't know how happy this makes me! Look! Isn't it cute!

Larry:
Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales home-improvement video. I hope you're ready to monkey wrench. I know I am. [hops over to the sink] What we're going to do today is change this old leaky fixture on the sink. We're going to replace it with a new one, which will be quite attractive and last for years to come. Oh, and by the way, it's very important with any plumbing job to shut off the water supply. So I had my assistant Jimmy turn off the water to the kitchen. [twists the wrench]

Jimmy:
Oh... you meant the kitchen sink. [faucet explodes and sends Larry flying in a blast of water] I thought we were working on bathrooms and decks.

Larry:
BOB!!!!!!

Larry:
Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales success video. Are you ready to make millions of dollars in real-estate with no money down? I know I am.

Bob:
LARRY!

Larry:
Yeah, Bob?

Bob:
Don't you see? This is a sing-along video!

Larry:
Ohhhhh, a sing-along video. I like sing-along videos. That's when you put the words at the bottom of the screen so people can sing along at home, right?

Bob:
Yup.

Larry:
Oh, the kids are gonna love that. What song should we do first?

Bob:
[rolls his eyes since the show's almost over] Never mind. [leaves]

Larry:
What? [follows Bob] Hey Bob! Guess what? I bought a whole chocolate factory with no money down.

Bob:
You did what?

Dad:
[after Junior sings "It's Laura's Fault"] Oh... My. Well if that's what you say happened, well, I trust you, Junior. But I'm very surprised at Laura. I'm gonna have to call her father right away.

[Passes by Junior and Fib as Percy, Laura and Lenny arrives to confront him.]

Laura:
There he is!

Junior:
Hi, guys.

Fib:
[runs into a nearby alleyway] Uh, if you need me I'll be over here.

Junior:
Huh? [he looks to Laura, Lenny and Percy]

[they argue about Junior's lies in unison]

Percy:
Lenny says he didn't break the plate. Laura says she didn't break the plate.

Laura:
Lies!

Percy:
It's a great, big, ugly lie!

Lenny:
Junior!

Junior:
No, no, that's not what I said at all. You didn't break the plate, and you didn't break the plate! No. It was these space aliens. They came down, and they grabbed these cows. And they switched brains with the cows. And the cows... with the brains of the space aliens... broke... the plate! [Looks at his friends]

Percy:
Funny. I've just seen that same thing happen in a movie. "Invasion of the Cow Snatchers!"

Junior:
You did?

Percy:
It's another lie! [a sound of thunderous footsteps emerge while Percy talks] Nothing but a big... fat... ugly!

Junior:
Huh? [looks up in fear] F-F-F-F-F-Fib?!

Fib:
Hi, Junior! [he grabs him]

Junior:
[being grabbed] What are you doing?

Fib:
Don't worry, Junior. A little fib couldn't hurt anybody. Right?! [Fib cackles]

[Larry and Alfred are playing Candy Land, stomach growling]

Larry:
I'm still stuck in the Molasses Swamp. I've been here for 38 turns. Your turn, Alfred.

Alfred (Archibald):
Right, let's see. [draws a card] Oh, look! I get to go all the way to Princess Lolly! What luck! HA! Your turn.

Larry:
[draws a card] Still stuck. I sure hope the rest of Bumblyburg is having more fun than I am.

[Larry looks out the window to see the Larry-Signal flashing urgently. He and Alfred immediately stand up]

Larry:
Alfred, I've got work to do. Consider our game... postponed.

[Fib crushes a car with his foot, then about to step on a bus when...]

Junior:
Fib! Why are you doing this to me?! I thought you were my friend!

Fib:
That's the thing about fibs, Junior, we grow. Now that I'm big, it's my turn to call the shots and you belong to me!

LarryBoy:
[offscreen] Not so fast, monster!

Fib:
[turns to see LarryBoy on the LarryMobile, confronting him] Huh?

Percy:
[as he, Laura and Lenny are hiding] If anyone can stop that fib, Larry-Boy can.

[Cut to LarryBoy standing on the LarryMobile.]

LarryBoy:
Drop the asparagus!

Fib:
Why won't you come and make me, little purple man?

LarryBoy:
If that's the way it's gonna be! [jumps back in and shuts the hatch]

Fib:
[to Junior; as he is about to climb the water tower] Let's see if your little purple friend can help you up here. [cackles]

[LarryBoy revs faster down to the water tower]

Alfred:
Now once you get up to speed, all you have to do is press the green button... [becomes confused] No, no, the blue button.

LarryBoy:
Alfred! I'm going to run out of road! Which button is it?!

Alfred:
The blue button! Press the blue button!

[LarryBoy presses the blue button and wipers pop out]

LarryBoy:
Wipers!

Alfred:
[stressed out] The green button! It's the green one!

[LarryBoy hits it and the horn sound off]

[Cut to Percy and Laura watching the LarryMobile]

Laura:
He's honking.

Percy:
It's part of the plan.

[Cut back to LarryBoy in shock as the LarryMobile is about to hit the water tower]

LarryBoy:
I AM GOING TO DIE!

Alfred:
Stop yelling at me! No yelling! Yell, yell... [gets an idea] YELLOW!

[LarryBoy closes his eyes and presses the yellow button, the LarryMobile transforms into the LarryPlane with the wheels popping off and wings popping out. The plane lifts up and steers left before it hits the water tower.]

[The Fib has captured Junior Asparagus and is preparing to eat LarryBoy]

The Fib:
Hmmmm... sort of looks like candy.

LarryBoy:
No really! It's spandex! It's quite bitter! ALFRED!

Alfred:
I'm getting a reading!

LarryBoy:
Alfred!

Alfred:
It looks like...! It looks like...! [accidentally unplugs the LarryComputer in panic] AAAAAAAHH!!! AAAAAAAHH!!!

LarryBoy:
ALFRED! What's happening?!

Alfred:
AAAAAAAHH!!! [plugs in the computer and watches it warm up] Boot, you transistorized tormentor! BOOOOOT!!!!!!!!

LarryBoy:
Goodbye, Bumblyburg! [gets eaten]

Alfred:
[sees the results] It's Junior! It's Junior! Junior can stop the Lie!

[As The Fib is about to chew on LarryBoy, Junior realizes and finally says...]

Junior:
I did it! [the crowd gasps with Fib saying "Hmm?"] I broke the plate! [The Fib spits out LarryBoy and becomes dizzy] I said Laura broke the plate and that was a lie! [The Fib shrinks] I said Lenny broke the plate and that was a lie too! [The Fib shrinks again, forcing him to use both hands to hold Junior begging him not to do it] It was me. I'm the one who did it. It was all my fault.

[The Fib gives a disgruntled look, knowing his fate is sealed, and he finally kicks the bucket by vanishing from existence and Junior is free. He lands next to LarryBoy as the crowd smiles in relief.]

Junior:
So, how do I get down from here?

LarryBoy:
There's a problem I know I can handle!

LarryBoy:
I! Am! That! Hero!

[The defenders of Jericho, played by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from atop the city's great wall]

Josh (Larry the Cucumber):
Who are you?

Jean-Claude:
Who are we? I think we should ask. Who are you?

Josh:
Oh, um... I am Joshua. And these are the children of Israel.

Philippe:
Ooh! Hello, children!

Jimmy Gourd:
Hi!

Philippe:
It was nice to meet you. Now go away!

Jean-Claude:
Yes! [blows raspberry]

Josh:
[clears throat] No, you don't understand. God has given us this land for our new home. So, well... you're gonna have to leave.

Philippe:
[laughs] Did you hear that, Jean-Claude? The little pickle says we have to leave!

Josh:
I'm a cucumber.

Jean-Claude:
[laughs] That is hilarious! [clears throat] Let me point something out to you, pickle. We have a wall!

Philippe:
Uh-huh.

Jean-Claude:
You do not!

Philippe:
No!

Jean-Claude:
If anyone is to be doing the leaving, it will be you!

Philippe:
Oh, that is right!

Josh:
Now, listen to me! Our God said that this land was ours, and that all we had to do was follow His directions. So... I'm afraid... if you don't come out, we're gonna have to come in there after you!

[Jean-Claude and Philippe laugh.]

Jean-Claude:
I'd like to see you try! You could never get over our giant wall, [under breath] tiny pickle!

Philippe:
Yes, tiny pickle! You are not a mighty dill, you are just a baby gherkin!

Josh:
[feeling insulted] I'm a cucumber!

[Jean-Claude and Philippe laugh]

Philippe:
[bumps his slushie off the edge] Ooh! My slushie!

[The slushie hits Jimmy on the head. Josh is appalled]

Jimmy:
[frustrated] Maybe we should fall back and regroup.

[Discouraged by the giant walls of Jericho, the Israelites discuss plans over a campfire]

Tom Grape:
That's a big wall!

Pa Grape:
This time, I really mean it! We should go back to Egypt. [everybody looks at him in disbelief] Don't you remember? Snorkeling in the Nile? Three square meals a day? Plenty of exercise? Oh, it was paradise!

Tom:
We were in slavery.

Pa:
Nothing is perfect.

Jimmy:
Listen, kids! That land is rightfully ours! And the only way we're gonna get it is by taking down that wall! Right, Jerry?

Jerry Gourd:
Uh, yeah. Th-That's right, Jimmy.

Jimmy:
So Jerry and I are gonna put our heads together and come up with a plan... to take down the wall!

Jerry:
Yeah!

Pa:
They are so aggressive.

[Josh finishes explaining God's directions to the Israelites]

Jimmy:
So... we're supposed to hop around the city for seven days, blow our little horns, yell, and the walls are just gonna fall down.

Josh:
Yep. Those are God's directions.

Jimmy:
Well... I'm sure that would work great... if the walls were made out of Jell-O!

Jerry:
Ooh! Then we could eat 'em!

Pa:
Last call for Egypt! Who's coming with me?

Percy Pea:
I will!

Scooter Carrot:
Count me in!

Jimmy:
Just a minute! I think you'll find our plan a bit more sophisticated. Blowin' horns in the desert isn't gonna do it. What we need is serious firepower. Jerry, the curtain! [Jerry uncovers a tarp to reveal a giant rocket; Scooter, Pa, and Tom gasp in amazement] Behold our creation: the Wallminator 3000! [the Israelites applaud]

Tom:
How are we clapping?

Pa:
I have no idea.

Tom:
Well, Pa? Do you still want to see the pyramids?

Pa:
I've seen the pyramids. Ha! I built the pyramids! Let's go to Jericho!

Bob:
The next day, they all set off again to march around Jericho. Now, God never said it would be easy. No, the people of Jericho hit 'em with everything they had.

Jean-Claude:
Fire one! Fire two!

Bob:
But the Israelites remembered that they were following God's directions and they kept on marching. Six days they marched and nothing could stop them. On the seventh day, just like God had told them, they marched around Jericho seven times while the priests blew their horns. [" When the Saints Go Marching In" playing] And just like God said, when they finished marching, the priests blew one long blast and then all the people yelled.

Israelites:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Pa Grape:
[hacking]

[The Israelites look up at the wall as it's still standing. The soldiers laugh at their enemies' seemingly futile attempts to destroy their wall, when suddenly, a brick jumps out of its place. This silences their laughter. As they turn to see the brick, a low rumbling is heard. The rumbling sound gets louder as the ground starts to quake.]

French Peas:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

[Joshua and the Israelites back away from the wall as it starts to collapse. The huge gong bell falls off along with the tower with a loud bang noise. As the walls collapse, a huge dust storm blows as the Israelites shut their eyes tight. Eventually, the dust clears and the Israelites are all covered in dust. Jericho has been reduced to bricks, broken pillars and a single bathtub. The dust covered soldiers are somehow unharmed.]

French Peas:
[gasp]

Larry:
Hello! My name is Joshua, and God has given us this land!

French Peas:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! [They finally surrender and run away from Joshua and their destroyed fortress in fright]

Bob:
So the Israelites obeyed God and the walls fell down.

Junior:
Wow!

Bob:
Finally, after 40 years, they were in their new home.

Jimmy:
[has dust in his eye] Ow! Hey! Oh, yeah. Oh… Ow! Ow! Boy, did I pick a lousy day to wear my contacts!

[last lines]

Larry:
[yawns] Is it time for the show? [the lights and Qwerty's monitor screen turns off] Aw, nuts.

Bob:
Larry. How much stuff do you need to be happy?

Larry:
I don't know. How much stuff is there?

Narrator:
And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings-

Archibald:
Just a moment! Wait! Stop talking! [Archibald runs out on stage as a bear-trapped Larry stands and watches] Excuse me, I have an announcement. Ahem... Because of the high standard we on this show strive to adhere to, and as a result of the disastrous outcome of the previous Silly Song, management has decided to review compositions from other performers for this segment. Several artists were screened and we chose one based on the applicant's sense of artistry and all-around proprietary. Thank you.

Larry:
So what are you saying?

Archibald:
I'm saying that Silly Songs is cancelled until further notice.

Larry:
[blinks in disbelief] Oh yeah?! Well, how'm I supposed to get out of this bear trap?

Archibald:
I'm sure you'll figure something out.

[Construction peas move a new title card into view]

Narrator:
And now it's time for Love Songs with Mr. Lunt, the part of the show where Mr. Lunt comes out and sings a love song.

Bob:
Well, that about does it for me! What do you say we head home?

Madame Blueberry:
Oh! There are whole aisles we haven't even seen yet! No! I am not leaving until I have everything I need to be happy!

Madame Blueberry:
[seeing her house about to tip] My house!

Larry:
It's so stuffed full of stuff, it's getting too heavy for the tree!

Bob:
We've gotta stop those deliveries before it's too late! Come on, Larry! Grab a cart!

[Bob and Madame Blueberry drive two respective shopping carts, while Larry is left sitting in a shopping basket.]

[Bob and Larry are crying]

Bob:
Oh that was beautiful!

Larry:
Hold me Bob!

Bob:
I would if I could, man!

Jean Claude:
Pull yourselves together!

Phillipe:
Yes, you have a show to wrap up!

Bob:
Oh, you're right... I'm sorry, where were we?

Larry:
[sniffling] Madame Blueberry..!

Bob and Larry:
[crying]

Jean Claude:
All right! That does it! Cue the music!

Phillipe:
Unless, of course, you have any objections...

Bob:
No... I don't care... go ahead...

Larry:
[after The Thankfulness Song] [sniffles] Yeah. Maybe I should just try to be thankful for the time I did have with my Silly Songs. [sobbing] Bye, Silly Songs. [voice breaking] Nice knowin' ya. [tearfully sings] It isn't any trouble just to S-M-I-L-E...

Jimmy:
Okay, wrong song. Bad timing.

Jimmy:
Look. Pal. M-Maybe it's none of my business but...why are you so down? You want to tell me what's going on?

Archibald:
I'll tell you what's going on! Perhaps this will clear things up... [Archibald and Larry glare at each other for a bit before he selects his song: "His Cheeseburger" from "Madame Blueberry"]

Larry:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

[Archibald has just confessed to his cancelling of Silly Songs]

Jimmy:
[gasps] You don't mean...?

Archibald:
Yes! It's my fault! All my fault! I'm the one to blame!

Jimmy:
That's despicable. I'd feel that way too if somebody took my songs away.

Archibald:
It's just that I was only looking out for the public's best interests. We do have standards to uphold, you know. [Jimmy glares] Yes, I see. But then I got these! [pulls out a stack of signed petitions and reads] "We the undersigned believe that Archibald Asparagus should forgive and forget the Song of the Cebu incident and return Silly Songs with Larry to its original Veggie programming. Signed, 167,512 adoring fans, including, but not limited to, the entire population of Duluth, Minnesota, and even someone in Moose Lake."

Larry:
Moose Lake?

Archibald:
Yes, Moose Lake.

Larry:
Wow... Moose Lake.

LarryBoy:
[emerges from shadow] I believe you have something that belongs to those boys.

Milk Money Bandit (Scallion 3):
Well I... [starts backing up, but comes face-to-face] Who are you?

LarryBoy:
[sternly] I'm LarryBoy.

(he uses his super suction ear on the Milk Money Bandit and hangs him over the edge)

Milk Money Bandit:
Ah! Uh, what are you going to do?

LarryBoy:
It's not nice to take people's milk money!

[he turns the Milk Money Bandit upside down]

Milk Money Bandit:
Hey! Take it easy, fella! Don't get crazy! [he starts shaking him] HEY! WHOA! Ooh! Aah! Ooh! [milk money dropped out of the bandit's pocket and landed back to the peas, and he turns him back up] I ain't feeling so good. [he starts hopping] Hey, hey. Hey! Where are we going? You can't do this! I've got rights! Hey! Hey!

[Officer Scooter standing in front of the police car, the Milk Money Bandit falls in]

Scooter:
AAAAAHH! It's another space alien! [Milk Money Bandit chuckles nervously] Oh, it's the Milk Money Bandit. We've been looking for you for months. Thanks, Larry-Boy.

The Weed:
[sings] I'm a rumor weed! I'm a rumor weed! A tiny little story is all I need to make a big mess! I'm a rumor weed!

Larry:
[he sees the Weed on the flowerbed] Hey! You're a weed!

The Weed:
That's right, but did you hear about Alfred?

Larry:
Oh, Alfred's gonna be mad! He hates weeds in his flowerbed!

The Weed:
Yeah, but, did you hear about Alfred?

Larry:
You better get out of here, before Alfred comes back!

The Weed:
You're not listening to me! Did you hear... Ugh.

Alfred:
[off-screen] Master Larry! It's the Mayor! She says it's urgent!

Larry:
I'll be right there! [to The Weed] I gotta go. Hold that thought.

LarryBoy:
Okay. I can do this. I am... after all... a superhero! [then he notices the Weed sitting] Oh, look! It's just a little one! [he hops over to the Weed] What was I so nervous about? You've met your match, Weed! I'm gonna take you, and I'm gonna...

[The Mother Weed reveals herself behind him. LarryBoy looks up and gets scared.]

LarryBoy:
Mother!

Alfred:
[stops beside Scooter's police car] Oh, yes! Officer, I need your help! LarryBoy is battling a giant weed in the sewer system...

Scooter:
Aah! The robot! [he starts engine and drives away]

Alfred:
I'm not a robot, I'm... British!

LarryBoy:
I'm warning you! I'm a super...! [gets thrown against the wall] ...hero.

Mother Weed:
Face it! You can't stop this weed; thanks to your friends out there, I'm getting bigger by the minute! HahahahahaMWAHAHAHA!

The Weed:
Soooo, did you hear the one about Alfred?

LarryBoy:
What?

Alfred:
I'm not shaking anything! It's shaking me! [the ground shakes harder and harder until, all of a sudden, the Mother Weed bursts out of the sewer]

Alfred:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! (Alfred tries to run but the mother weed grabs him. Then she wraps herself around the City Hall as everyone watches her holding Alfred)

Crowd:
What a nice man! (The Mother Weed looks at Alfred, and when nice words are spread, Alfred smiles and they both look down at everyone. Suddenly the ground starts to shake from under the mother weed as everyone backs away from the weed. Due to all the kind things said by all the city folk, more flowers sprout all over the weed until her head becomes a flower, defeating her for good.)

Alfred:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! (Alfred is shown sliding down the stem and lands safely)

Mayor Blueberry:
We're sorry for thinking that you were a robot.

Mr. Nezzer:
We didn't even ask you if it was true!

Alfred:
Oh, I forgive you... I forgive you all! [looks around] Has anybody seen LarryBoy?

[A beat-up LarryBoy drags himself out of the sewers by his plunger-ears]

LarryBoy:
Hey, Alfred... everyone... someone was telling me that you were a robot- [Everybody shushes him loudly] Is there a flower show?

(Everyone laughs, thinking he was joking, as the camera cuts to a frontal aerial view of the building where the Rumor Weed wrapped herself, as the camera pans around it and a flower flies around. The flower comes closer and closer to the screen as the score concludes)

Jerry:
You want a piece of me?!

King George (Larry):
We did it! Oh now, now, now I'm happy!

King George:
What's that?

Melvin (Pa Grape):
Its a flannelgraph, to illustrate.

George and Louis (Bob):
Ooh! Flannelgraph!

[Haman (Mr. Lunt) wakes up Queen Vashti in the middle of the night.]

Queen Vashti:
Oh... Who is it?

Haman:
Um... Uh, Your Highness, ah... The king was wondering if you could make him a sandwich.

Queen Vashti:
It's three o'clock in the morning.

Haman:
Ah... Yeah. But, uh, he says that he's the king, and whatever he says goes.

Queen Vashti:
Well, I'm the queen, and the king can make his own sandwich.

Haman:
Okay.

[Haman throws Queen Vashti out of the castle.]

Queen Vashti:
[angrily] You can't do this to me! I'm the queen!

Haman:
Oh, yeah? [throws her luggage at her] The king can do whatever he wants! He's the king! And don't come back!

King Xerxes (Mr. Nezzer):
Don't you think that might have been a little harsh?

Haman:
Oh, no way. If she got away with that, no one would listen to you.

King Xerxes:
Well, what am I gonna do now?

'Haman:
It looks like we're going to have to find you a new queen.

King Xerxes:
Hmm... Make me a sandwich.

Haman:
You know, we both work for the king, but compared to me, you are a g-nat.

Mordecai (Pa Grape):
It's a "G". Silent. It's "nat".

Haman:
Are you calling me a g-nat?!

Mordecai:
No. Just correctin' your pronunciation.

Haman:
ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID?!

Mordecai:
Uh, no?

Haman:
You get in the wagon! You, bow to me!

Mordecai (Pa Grape):
Uh, no!

Haman:
Bow!

Mordecai:
No!

Haman:
BOW!

Mordecai:
I bow to no one except my God and my king!

King Xerxes:
[after the cake gets smashed by a falling piano] Why is there a piano on my cake?

Haman:
What should the punishment be for these two dangerous criminals, the most wanted peas in Persia, who appeared before you uninvited and tried to drop a piano on your head?

King Xerxes:
Well... Uh, let's see. It probably should be pretty stiff, huh? What do you think?

Haman:
I say, the punishment should be... Banishment to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!

[Markus (Larry), Mordecai, Esther, and Xerxes are all shocked.]

Teresh:
You don't mean...

Bigthen:
...the island where you are tickled day and night?!

Teresh:
Night and day?!

Bigthen:
Without stop?!

Teresh:
Not even if you say "pretty please"?!?

Bigthen and Teresh:
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

[The Grim Tickler enters the room, and tickles the Peaoni Brothers with his large feather as he takes them away to the Island of Perpetual Tickling.]

[Mordecai is walking when he spots the edict ordering him to be banished]

Mordecai:
Huh? What's this? [reads the edict] OY! [grabs the edict and runs back to the palace] ESSIE! ESSIE! ESSIE!

Esther:
Cousin Mordecai? What is it?

Mordecai:
Oh, he's done it! He's finally done it!

Esther:
Who? Done what?

Mordecai:
Look! [shows Esther the edict]

Esther:
What's this?

Mordecai:
It's an edict! In just a few days, all of us, our whole family, will be sent to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!

Esther:
What?! Who... Who did this?

Mordecai:
Oh, who do you think? Haman! I told you he hates us! Hates our whole family! And-and now he's done it! He got the King to sign this, and-and we'll all be banished!

[Mordecai is guarding the entrance gate, Haman enters with his playing cards.]

Haman:
Well, hello there! [Mordecai doesn't respond] I guess there's not much to say, eh Mordecai? Seeing how in two days, you'll be waking up in Chuckle City! Ha! Y'know, I just came from dinner with the king and queen, and they invited me over again tomorrow night! Heh, I guess they must like me. Why don't you like me, Mordecai?

Mordecai:
Eeesh... [turns away from Haman]

Haman:
Y'know, it wouldn't be too hard to show me that you like me. Just a little bow, that's all. Is that so hard? Eh, who knows? I'm a very influential guy. I might be able to work something out for you and your family...

Mordecai:
[angrily turns to Haman] Arrogance is not fitting for a fool, Haman! Much less is lying fitting for a right hand man! I'll NEVER bow to you!

Haman:
[drops the cards in shock] HRRRGGG... Oh, yeah?! Well, maybe this "foolish right hand man" can arrange for you to take your trip to Tickle Town TONIGHT!! [storms off]

[Esther finally shows courage and asserts herself by her thought]

Esther:
Your highness, someone is plotting against my family. Tomorrow, my people and I will be banished to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!

King Xerxes:
What? Banish my queen? Who would dare?

Esther:
[angrily; turns to Haman] It's Haman!

[Haman feels shocked about it.]

King Xerxes:
Is this true?

Haman:
I don't know what she's talking about. She's crazy!

Esther:
It is true!

King Xerxes:
Can you prove this charge?

Haman:
I'm telling you, she's making it up!

[Esther shows the edict paper of Mordecai]

King Xerxes:
Wait a minute, that's Mordecai. I just gave him a parade!

Esther:
Mordecai is my cousin. His family is MY family!

[Haman squeals, King Xerxes gasps]

King Xerxes:
[angrily] You had me banish the man who saved my life and my own queen?!

[Haman squeals again]

King Xerxes:
For your punishment Haman, you are to be sent to The Island of Perpetual Tickling, along with anyone else who dares scheme against my queen and her family!

[The Grim Tickler slams the door open to Esther's home, going towards Haman.]

Haman:
NOOOOOOO!!!! [The Grim Tickler tickles Haman with his feather and Haman laughs as he is tickled out the door, just like with the Peaoni Brothers.] Oh no, ple-he-he-ase stop it! Please sto-ha-ha-hap! Ha-ha, you're killing me, ha! Ha-ha-pretty please?

Narrator:
So Haman got what was coming to him, and then some. And Mordecai, this is my favorite part, (Markus gives Mordecai a paper) he got Haman's old job. The number two guy in the whole kingdom! Not bad.

Omelet (Jimmy Gourd):
But soft, 'tis Ophelia. [no response; Omelet repeats with emphasis] But soft! Tis Ophelia!

Mr. Lunt:
[from off-stage, wearing a pink dress] But I don't wanna do it! It's embarrassing!

Arcibald Asparagus:
Don't be ridiculous! It's tradition! In Shakespeare's day, all the women's roles were played by men! [shoves Lunt out onto the stage]

Mr. Lunt:
I think we're gonna get letters about this... [in character] 'Tis I, the fair Ophelia.

Omelet:
To eat or not to eat, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to share my eggs cooked light and fluffy, or to scarf down the whole thing myself. To share, or not to share.

Percy Pea:
You guess where my ships are.

Omelet (Jimmy Gourd):
2B?

Percy Pea:
Not 2B.

Omelet:
Drat. Uh your turn.

Sven:
[sings] You guys go ahead. We'll catch uuuuuuuuup!

Otar:
Uh, Sven? You don't have to sing.

Sven:
[sings] But it's a muuuuuusicaaaaaaal!

Otar:
Yeah, I know, but you don't have to sing every line in a musical. Talking's okay too.

Sven:
[sings] If Olaf finds ooouuuttt, you'll be in biiiig troooouuuuubllllle!

Otar:
Uh, you can just talk.

Olaf (Mr. Nezzer):
[as the storm rolls in] Why, that little viking is in big trouble!

Olaf:
[sings] What do you think you're doing?

Lyle (Junior):
I was...

Olaf:
[sings] Giving them stuff back?

Lyle:
Um, yeah?

Olaf:
[sings] Now, there's a storm a-brewing and you're the one that's under attack!

Pa Monk:
[after he sees Lyle pummeled in by big waves] Aahh! Lyle's in trouble! We gotta help him. Where's the life ring?

Pea Monk:
Right there.

Pa Monk:
Hang on, Lyle! [throws] Help is on the way! [notices life ring still there besides him] Huh? What did I throw?

[Pa has thrown the pea monk, who screams as he flies into the ocean.]

Sven (Larry):
[sings] I need to go to the baaaaaathrooooooom!

Otar (Bob):
Uh Sven, you can stop singing now.

Sven:
Oh. Right.

[Cavis (Bob) and Millward (Larry) have accidentally woken up Moyer (Scooter).]

Moyer:
Hey! You there! What do you think you're doin'?!

[Moyer sees that Millward is holding the star's box.]

Moyer:
[gasps] The star! [Millward hides the box behind his back] All right! NOW I'M ANGRY!

Millward:
It's Moyer the Destroyer!

Cavis:
Run, Millward!

Millward:
I'm way ahead of you, Cavis!

Moyer:
Get back here, you chicken-hearted hooligans!

Cavis:
See ya, Moyer the Destroyer!

Millward:
Cavis, are you okay? You fell down, and then you fell up! Speak to me!

Cavis:
Hey, why didn't I see that before? It leads all the way to that window! Okay, Millward. Start climbing!

Millward:
What? Why do I have to go first?

Cavis:
Would you rather stay down here with Moyer the Destroyer?

Millward:
[starts climbing up the ladder] I'm on my way.

Moyer:
Don't even THINK you can get away! You're trapped like a bug in the queen's sticky buns!

Cavis:
[climbing the ladder] Millward, keep climbing!

Millward:
He's getting close, Cavis!

Cavis:
No! Don't lean back, Millward!

Millward:
He's gettin' real close, Cavis!

[Millward leans back, tipping the ladder back.]

Moyer:
You're trapped like a dog hanging onto a big, juicy steak that has itself... somehow... become trapped... in some way...

Cavis:
MILLWARD!

Cavis and Millward:
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

[Cavis and Millward crash out of the window and scream as they fall through the air.]

Laundry Person (Scallion #3):
Why does everyone want their laundry picked up at night, all of a sudden?

[After he leaves his laundry cart behind, Cavis and Millward land into it.]

Millward:
Seymour, remember how you promised I could take the rocket car for a ride sometime?

Seymour (Pa Grape):
Uh, yeah?

Millward:
It's time!

Little Joe (Larry):
Okay. No, I still don't see anything.

Jude (Jean Claude):
Well then, how about... NOW!?!

Little Joe:
[gets pushed, and falls into the mineshaft] WHOA!!!!

Little Joe (Larry):
Hey! Desperados! You better come to your senses! [muffling]

Jude (Jean Claude):
Happy trails, dreamer! [all the peas laughing]

Baker and Blacksmith (Jimmy and Jerry Gourd):
[mumbling in sleep, screaming]

Banker (Archibald Asparagus):
Ah, anyone here? Oh, yes, dear Baker. I have wonderful news! The Mayor has given you a full pardon. He wants you to resume your duties immediately!

Slave Master (Scallion 1):
And I'm extending an invitation to you, Mr. Blacksmith to join my chain gang up the river! [he laughs an evil laugh and Blacksmith gets terrified, then all exits the scene]

Mayor (Mr. Nezzer):
[mumbling in sleep, screaming] It was horrible! Just horrible! And it was so real, like it was really happening!

Banker:
Oh, that's sounds dreadful! At any rate, as I was saying about our bank-

Mayor:
[sings] Seven cows sat on a hill, so big and fat. I got my grill. I was thinking about a BBQ. Then seven scrawny ones came along and GULP..The big fat cows were gone.

Mayor:
You did it, Little Joe. He saved the town!

Little Joe (Larry):
Yeah...

Millward (Larry):
Is that one supposed to be me? Because I'm not that fat.

Mr. Nezzer:
Its a bug! A big bug!

Hope:
Do I look like a bug to you?

Mr. Nezzer:
[after looking at the clock] Yep, I'm just going to stay awake. I'm not tired at all. I'm just going to stay wiiidddee....[snores]

Mr. Nezzer:
Here we go! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2... Hit it!

Cavis (Bob):
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Mr. Nezzer and Cavis:
AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Mr. Nezzer:
Whew! We made it!

Butterbun (Scooter the Carrot):
Your special just the way God made you.

God:
And lastly your wings. You know what they're for. But not just to fly, son. I want you to soar!

Larry:
[singing] Whether whether whether whether, whether you like it or not. Weather weather weather weather, weather is cold warm and hot.

St. Patrick:
So you see, God is like a shamrock.

People:
Oh great shamrock, you are powerful

St. Patrick:
No no no! This is simply a metaphor.

People:
Oh great metaphor....

St. Patrick:
No no no no! God is like a shamrock. Because He is God the father, God the son and God the holy ghost. One God, three persons.

[Telephone busy signal sound effect coming from Bob's phone]

Woman's voice on recording:
If you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dial your operator.

Bob:
Larry? Larry! Oh no, he must have ran out of quarters.

[after Qwerty steamed up and broke down]

Bob:
What happened?!

Larry:
Qwerty! You okay?!

Lutfi:
[pops up] Sorry.

Bob:
Lutfi, what did you do?!

Lutfi:
Lutfi fits into tiny places.

Bob:
You killed Qwerty!

Lutfi:
Oh, no, I did not kill him. I just made him sputter in smoke, but there is a difference.

Bob:
Well, we're gonna have to get him repaired and we need a verse now! What are we gonna do?

Lutfi:
Lutfi might be teensy weensy, but he is a great big helper who knows his scripture memory verses!

Larry:
Memory verses?

Lutfi:
Oh, yes.

Petunia:
Whoops, [laughs] missed the door.

Duke (Larry):
Bye, I got my hat now.

Otis:
You are lucky Duke, but watch out for yourself this time!

Duke:
No Otis! I'm going to look out for someone else first! That's true love!

Otis:
That's crazy!

Otis:
Ahh! I can't see! [Because of this, he gets hit in the face by Duke's pie, sending him flying off his horse and across the field.] Maammaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

[He lands with a thud. A surprised Novak watches as the crowd cheers for Duke.]

Duke:
We'll be family, Petunia. And I'll take care of you forever.

Petunia:
[giggles] Family? Forever?

Percy Pea:
[to Lil' Pea, after Gourdon threatens to pound the kids] Have you ever been pounded?

Lil' Pea:
A cousin of mine was. He's soup now.

Gourdon:
Aw, this is lame. I don't even like this lousy, old playground. I'm going home to play video games.

Minnesota (Larry):
First, a chocolate Malta.

Julia (Petunia):
Malt.

Minnesota:
Right. Chocolate.

Julia:
No, it's malt. Not Malta.

Minnesota:
What?

Julia:
Malt is a desert, Malta is an island.

Minnesota:
But with an Italian accent, they're both the same.

Minnesota:
[calling Martin (Bob)] Martin? Martin?

Martin:
I'm here, Cuke! What's wrong? Did you get a haircut?

Minnesota:
Never mind that! Where's the park guy?

Martin:
Huh? He was here a second ago. I guess he slipped out. Tell me! What's going on?

Minnesota:
Good, he wouldn't want to hear this anyway. It's bad news, Martin.

Martin:
Would you just tell me already?

Minnesota:
He was here, Martin! And he's after the brush!

Martin:
Who?

Minnesota:
Professor Rattan!

Martin:
Okay. Now, don't panic, Minnesota. Remember, he's a bully. We can deal with him.

Minnesota:
Just a bully?! He's more than that! He's my enemy!

Martin:
Calm down. The Bible says we should love our enemies.

Minnesota:
Love?! Love our enemies?!

Martin:
Everybody can't go around all the time trying to get even. That would leave the whole world in a mess. Let's just figure out what to do next.

Minnesota:
I'll tell you what we're gonna do, Martin. I'm gonna get that brush first, and I'm gonna use its power to defeat all the bullies in the world! I'm gonna teach them a lesson they'll never forget!

Martin:
But, Minnesota!

Minnesota:
See ya in the funny papers, Martin.

Billboy (Archibald):
Today is my twelvety-twoth birthday. 122 years is too short a time to live among such fine folk. I'm twice as tall as half of you and half as short as twice of you.

Ahem (Mr. Lunt):
[as he chases Toto (Junior) for the bean] It's mine, I tell you! It's mine! Give it to me! Give it back!

Toto:
Randalf! I know why the elders sent me here! They want me to help!

[Scaryman (Scallion #1) captures Toto and puts his sword in front of him.]

Scaryman:
Good thought, but wrong!

Randalf (Mr. Nezzer):
Scaryman!

Scaryman:
The elders sent you here because I told them to.

Randalf:
What?

Toto:
What?

Scaryman:
Everyone has something they're sure they can't live without. [looks at the Fellowship] For some, it's fame or fortune, [looks at Ahem] for others, a life of ease. For a certain ancient tree, it happens to be jewels, something of which I have in abundance.

Randalf:
You bribed them?

Scaryman:
Yes. They got what they want, and I get what I want. Ha! Use your gift to help people, how quaint! I hope you've learned your lesson, boy. Life is short. If you have a gift, use it for yourself before you've lost it and it's too late.

[Scaryman pushes Toto aside and takes the bean.]

Scaryman:
Ha! Too late! [laughs evilly]

Billboy:
You're wrong, Scaryman!

Scaryman:
What? Who said that?

Billboy:
You're wrong, Scaryman!

Scaryman:
Who- Show yourself! Where are you?

[Billboy charges at Scaryman and knocks him to the ground. He catches the bean.]

Toto:
Uncle Billboy!

Randalf:
Billboy?

Billboy:
Hello, Toto!

[[Scaryman tries to reach for his sword, but Ear-A-Corn (Larry) blocks it from him.]

Ear-A-Corn:
Not so fast, scary guy!

Scaryman:
Sporks, save me!

[The Other Elf (Jerry), who's with the sporks, shakes his head.]

Spork:
Cookie man say no!

Scaryman:
Oh, bother.

Toto (Junior):
I want to fix this land!

Trout (Mr. Nezzer):
Move along!

Spud (Mr. Lunt):
Nothing to see here.

Scooter:
Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Holmes. But the Golden Ruler has been stolen!

[Sheerluck Holmes (Larry) can't understand his accent.]

Sheerluck:
What?

Scooter:
I said, sorry to interrupt, but the Golden Ruler has been stolen!

Sheerluck:
What language are you speaking?

Maid:
Say! I speak Scottish! He says someone's golden hula is swollen.

Jimmy:
No. He said the goat and jeweler are out strollin'.

Sheerluck:
See, I thought I was hearing something about Samoans.

Maid:
Perhaps coats and stools all go bowling.

Jimmy:
Folding scooters have been rolling?

Scooter:
THE... GOLDEN... RULER... HAS BEEN.... STOLEN!

All:
Ohhh...!

LarryBoy:
Remember kid. With great chocolate comes great responsibility.

LarryBoy:
There's nothing wrong with playing video games, but you let this video game play you.

Petunia:
I know! I want out!

Gideon (Larry):
I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK!

Angle (Pa Grape):
To tell you the truth, so am I.

Gideon:
[in high-pitched voice] I scream like a girl.

Bob:
Wiggle Turtle Tubies? They look taller on TV.

Pea:
So do you, tomato!

Moe (Larry):
High ho sliver away!

Aaron (Archibald):
Let my people go!

Narrator:
Some matches are made in phosphorus factories, while others are made in heaven. Either way, it all starts with a little chemistry.

Bill (Sheriff's Guards):
Heh, Yeah right...

Moe (Larry):
I got it! I'll save you, unbelievable!

Bill (Sheriff's Guards):
Oof... AHHHHHH!!!!!!! [splash, gasps, coughs]

Darby (Junior):
Is there anything really dangerous in these woods?

Scarecrow (Mr. Lunt):
A friend of mine was in these woods, and he says he saw a fella from Toledo.

Tin Man (Larry):
You mean, an Ohioan?

Scarecrow:
Yep.

Tin Man:
Well, my uncle said he saw one of those guys who play that little flute in the army.

Scarecrow:
[gasp] A fifer?

Tin Man:
Uh-huh.

Scarecrow:
Oh, boy. Not to make matters worse, but I met a fella who knew a guy who says he saw... a mommy horse.

Darby:
[gasps]

Scarecrow:
Ohioans.

Tin Man:
And fifers.

Scarecrow:
And mares.

Darby:
Oh, my!

Scarecrow:
Ohioans.

Tin Man:
And fifers.

Scarecrow:
And mares.

Darby:
Oh, my!

Scarecrow and Tin Man:
Ohioans, and fifers, and mares!

Darby:
Oh, my!

Scarecrow and Tin Man:
Ohioans, and fifers, and mares!

Darby:
Oh, my!

Scarecrow and Tin Man:
Ohioans, and fifers, and mares!

Darby:
Oh, my!

Scarecrow and Tin Man:
Ohioans, and fifers, and mares!

Darby:
Oh, my!

Scarecrow and Tin Man:
Ohioans, and fifers, and-

[A lion (Pa Grape) roars, then barks like a dog. Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming in panic.]

Tin Man:
IT'S AN OHIOAN!

[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby bump into each other and fall.]

Lion:
Uh no, that's "lion".

Tin Man:
Oh, lion. [gasps] Lion?!

[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]

Lion:
Oh, stop! I'm not trying to scare ya. I'm just hungry!

Tin Man:
A hungry lion?!

[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]

Lion:
No no! I'm not gonna eat you. I'm just having fun with you. On the count of being so bored.

Little Jimmy:
[looking at a record album of "Mama Belle and Little Jimmy"] Mama!

Tom (Bob):
That's your mama?

Little Jimmy:
And me! Little Jimmy!

Huck (Larry):
That's you?

[Tom & Huck look at Jimmy seeing he is big now]

Little Jimmy:
I grew.

[Huck is exploring the town of Muscatine.]

Huck:
[to himself] Wow, what a great town. This place has got it all. Friendly town people, shopping, baby with a signal flare... Huh?

[Huck looks and sees that there is, in fact, a baby with a signal flare. Observing further, he sees that everyone in the town has a signal flare. To make matters worse, Huck spots a big "WANTED" billboard for Little Jimmy.]

Huck:
Ahhh! [he backs away from the billboard, only to bump into a policeman] Excuse me. [the policeman turns to Huck, revealing he has a signal flare, too; Huck backs up, and knocks over an n entire cart of signal flares] Oh! Really sorry about that!

[Huck bumps into the old man he met from earlier.]

Huck:
Excuse me.

Old Man:
Hey, is there somethin’ I can help you with, Sonny?

[He adjusts his hat with a signal flare. Huck sees it, screams, and runs away frightened, catching the baby’s attention. Cut to Tom and Little Jimmy on the dock.]

Tom:
You play any football in high school? You got the size for it.

Little Jimmy:
No. I was in musicals.

Tom:
Really?

[Huck comes rushing toward them.]

Huck:
Tom! T-Tom!

[The baby suddenly spots Little Jimmy, and starts crying loudly as he whacks against his carriage.]

Huck:
TOM! Whoa!

[Huck collides with Tom and Little Jimmy, and the three tumble down the stairs back onto the raft. The baby stops fussing and looks at his signal flare.]

Huck:
[grabs the paddle] We gotta get outta here! [pushes the raft away from the dock]

Tom:
W-What are you doing? Huck?!? What’s going on?!

Huck:
BEWARE THE BABIES!

[A signal flare shoots into the sky with a loud whistle and explodes into a firework. The baby laughs. Huck looks up in horror.]

Little Jimmy:
Oooh...pretty.

Tom:
Eh-hehh... eh, maybe no one noticed…

[He was wrong. Everyone else in the town starts firing their signal flares into the sky, making it look like a fireworks show.]

Huck:
[paddling faster] They all know about Jim! The posters are everywhere! Even the babies have signal flares!

Tom:
The babies?

Huck:
Yeah, Tom! The babies!

Tom:
Who's that guy?

Huck:
I think it was Colonel Sanders.

Mr. Lunt:
Personally, I found the book riveting, full of flawed characters and classic American humor.

Confetti the Fox (Scallion #1):
For a thousand gold coins, here is question number three: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Pistachio (Junior):
Huh? I don't know that! Nobody knows that!

Confetti:
Then you shouldn't have risked everything.

[Charlie Pincher pulls a lever that sends Pistachio down the rollercoaster, and onto the catapult.]

Pistachio:
But... But you said you wouldn't steer me wrong!

Confetti:
No. We said "Why would we steer you wrong?", and the answer is... Five. Gold. Coins.

[Charlie pushes the lever that makes the catapult fling Pistachio into the ocean.]

Pistachio:
[screams]

Confetti, Purina the Cat (Scallion #2), and Charlie:
[laugh]

Purina:
High five!

Confetti:
No hands, numbskull.

Carrot:
Oh, hey there, cricket!

Khalil:
I am not a cricket! I am a caterpillar!

Carrot:
Silly cricket.

Pistachio:
Huh? Cricket!?

Khalil:
I am not a- Pistachio! You are alive!

Pistachio:
I'm looking for Gelato!

Khalil:
Me too! That's why I left home by myself in this big, mean caterpillar-eating world!

Pistachio:
I don't eat caterpillars.

Khalil:
Good. I hear we are quite tasty.

Pistachio:
Who's with the ducklings?

Khalil:
Oh. A good friend is helping me out.

[Madame Blueberry is looking after the ducklings.]

Madame Blueberry:
No, I'm a blueberry. But I get that all the time.

Duckling:
Quack?

Madame Blueberry:
No, I never played Monopoly, but I'll give it a go.

Pistachio:
Where's all the food?

Gelato (Larry):
Oh, we've got plenty of food!

Dorito:
Hey, guys? We're out of food.

[pause]

Espresso:
WE'RE GONNA DIE!

[Everyone screams and panics.]

Khalil:
WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

Mayor:
But what can it mean?! Is there anyone in Dodgeball City who can interpret dreams?!