Wikidude's Quotes Page #254

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude  —  There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Dave:
Hey, look, I found my old notebook with all my old rhymes in it.

Larry:
You held on to that, and yet you threw away any picture of me before the age of ten.

Dave:
I was doing you a favor. You were not a photogenic child.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dave:
I don't know about you two, but I'm sick and tired of working for that douche bag. I mean, when's it going to be my turn to be the boss and have people call me the douche bag?

Joe:
Apparently, a lot of people around here already think you're the boss.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dave:
Can you believe these kids?

Vicky:
What can I say? Your sperm and my eggs, it's a powerful combination, honey.

Dave:
It certainly defeated every form of birth control we tried.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dave:
Hey, remember how you said me sticking up for Kenny was a wonderful thing?

Vicky:
(raising her wine glass) Yeah.

Dave:
Well, Social Services is on their way here to take him away. By the way, it might not be a bad idea if you weren't drinking when they got here.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Vicky:
What's more important: my mother's happiness or a free trip to the Caribbean?

Dave:
Vicky, I know what answer you're hoping to hear, but we both know which one is going to come out of my mouth.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Vicky:
So, Mom, when's the wedding?

Betty:
It's two weeks from today.

Sid:
And we want you all to be there.

Vicky:
Well, of course we're all going to be there.

Dave:
Yeah, I can't think of any reason why we wouldn't. (cut scene) But two weeks should be enough time for me to come up with something

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dave:
(to Larry) You got busted with pot? What the hell's the matter with you? You know, I'm ashamed to call you my son. (cut scene) All right, the truth is, this is actually the first time I feel like he really is my son.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dave:
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on the roof.

Vicky:
Hey, I don't want you going up there to smoke pot.

Dave:
Oh, I'm not. I'm going to throw myself off it.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Larry:
There he is! The greatest dad in the world!

Dave:
You're not getting any more money.

Larry:
I hate you!

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dave:
Hey, Vicky, what the hell's going on with Hillary? You know, she bought herself some expensive cell phone that I know she can't afford.

Vicky:
Oh, no. You don't think she's shoplifting, do you?

Dave:
No, no. I mean, she wears her clothes so tight, I mean, where would she hide anything? I don't know, but she's up to something, okay? Something's going on with her. Haven't you noticed that she's always on the phone, she's always text messaging, and she's being so secretive?

Vicky:
Oh, my God! You don't think she's... a teenager?

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Hillary:
I have to prepare for my interview.

Dave:
All right. You gonna go think up some good things to say to them?

Hillary:
No, Dad, I'm gonna focus on what's important: picking out an outfit.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dave:
(to Vicky) I promise I'll get him to stop seeing her. (cut scene) You know, sometimes I feel horrible about lying right to my wife's face. This is not one of those times.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Larry:
(about Tiffany) You shouldn't judge a book by its cover. You should judge it by its smokin' hot body!

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dave:
So... Tiffany's, uh, quite the young lady.

Bob:
Oh, please. She's a nightmare. I want to drop her off in a field, then move, then kill myself to make sure she doesn't find me.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dave:
You know, that son of yours just cursed at me.

Vicky:
Wow, you actually stopped yelling at Larry long enough for him to swear at you?

Dave:
Hey, you know, when I was a kid, I never would have talked to my father that way. I did it behind his back as a sign of respect.

Vicky:
Well, what did you do to him?

Dave:
What's that supposed to mean?

Vicky:
Well, just that he's a pretty sweet-natured kid. You must have done something to piss him off. Come on, Dave, can't you just try to get along?

Dave:
For your information, Vicky, I was trying. I sat down with him to watch TV, we talked about "The Lord of the Rings" which he loves so much, and then, out of nowhere, he opens his big mouth and curses at me. I mean, what kind of **** is that?

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dave:
Hey, what's going on? What are you two doing?

Larry:
We're just playing this really cool computer simulation game, where you get to interact with thousands of people in a virtual world. You can earn virtual money and buy virtual property, and...

Dave:
Oh, yeah, yeah, I heard about this game. I heard it's so realistic that you guys can't get dates there, either.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dave:
Kenny, come out of the closet right now!

[cut scene]

Kenny:
If only it were that easy.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Hillary:
You've never liked any boy I've ever brought home.

Dave:
Oh, that's not true.

Hillary:
You know what, why don't you just pick my next boyfriend?

Dave:
No, no, no, no. I don't pick out. I kick out.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dave:
What are you talking about? We do a lot of fun things together.

Vicky:
Oh, yeah, we have a ball. There's nothing better than sitting on the couch watching TV, bitching about our kids during commercials.

Dave:
Come on, that's not all we do.

Vicky:
That's true. Sometimes we bitch about our jobs, too.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Larry:
What's going on?

Kenny:
I'm gay.

Larry:
Excuse me?

Kenny:
I'm gay.

Larry:
No, you're not.

Kenny:
Yeah, I am.

Larry:
No, you're not.

Dave:
Yeah, he is!

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Vicky:
I'm just saying Kenny's acting like he's fine, but I can tell he's crying on the inside.

Dave:
Good. That's where he should cry. That's where I've been crying for the last 30 years, and it hasn't hurt me any. (opens a beer and drinks it)

Vicky:
Hasn't hurt the beer industry, either.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Vicky:
If Kenny's the gay one, how come Larry's the drama queen?

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Larry:
Hey, Dad, can I have $40? I need it so I can take out this girl.

Dave:
Oh, hey, here's 50 bucks. And some Tic Tacs.

Larry:
No, thanks. I don't need those.

Dave:
Oh, yeah, you do. So, who's the girl?

Larry:
Actually, it's two girls.

Mike:
Two girls for $50? Wow, that's half what you usually pay.

Larry:
Well, I guess your mom works cheap. (laughs)

Mike:
Larry, Larry, for the last time, making "your mom" jokes to your own brother, it just defeats the whole purpose.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dave:
What the hell are you doing sitting by the trash cans?

Larry:
Just hanging out.

Dave:
Oh, I know I told you you were garbage before, but I didn't mean it literally.

The War at Home, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

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