Wikidude's Quotes Page #256

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude — There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Mike: I'll handle this. Rick: I'll handle this! Vyvyan: I'll handle this! Neil: I can't handle this. – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Vyvyan: It's a video nasty! Rick: It's a carpet, farty! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Neil: Oh, have we got a video! Vyvyan: If anyone else asks me that question I'm gonna stick their head through the window! Neil: Vyv? Have we got a video? Vyvyan: Right... come this way, Neil. [He walks over to the window and literally pulls it off the wall. He then walks over to Neil.] Vyvyan: Sideways on. [Neil turns sideways.] Thank you. [He smashes the window over Neil's head. But Neil merely looks confused.] Neil: I still don't understand. I still don't understand. Does that mean we've got one or not? – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[Rick is warming himself by the broken fridge while Vyvyan is lying on a bed.] Rick: I was wondering if you'd thought of a name for your baby yet? Vyvyan: Shut Up or Piss Off! Rick: Oh, that's charming, isn't it? Vyvyan: No, no, those are the two names I'm considering. I mean, they'll be really handy in later life for getting into fights and things. Oh! Oh, it's kicking. [His stomach moves rapidly up and down. Rick looks fascinated.] Rick: Er, Vyvyan. Would it be alright... I mean... can I have a bit... a bit of a listen? Vyvyan: Yeah, help yourself. You can hear it kicking. Rick: [Placing his ear on Vyvyan's bare stomach] I can't hear anything... all I can hear is... OW! [Vyvyan's stomach twitches violently, knocking Rick upwards.] Vyvyan: [Patting his stomach] That's my boy! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Vyvyan: [clutching his stomach] OH! OH NO! The contractions are starting! I'm gonna have a baby! Neil: Quick, quick, Mike, Mike! Get some boiling towels... er, Rick, clean water. Vyvyan, Vyvyan, sit down, take the weight off your feet. Rick: What d'you mean "sit down"?! There aren't any chairs! Mike: Yeah, and all the towels have been burnt. Neil: Oh, no! We've got to buy some furniture for Vyvyan, quickly! Rick: We can't! We haven't got any money! Vyvyan's baby will be a pauper! Oliver Twist! Geoffrey Dickens! Back to Victorian values! [to camera] I hope you're satisfied, Thatcher! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Vyvyan: QUICK! GET THE STIRRUPS! I'M GONNA HAVE MY BABY NOW! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Neil: Oh, what's the time? Mike: Vyv, here's your chance. [Shows him his watch.] See the big hand there? Vyvyan: Yeah. Mike: That's on the two, right. Vyvyan: Yep. Mike: And the little hand is on that one there just before the twelve, now what's that one? Vyvyan: Eleven? Mike: Perfectly excellent. So what's the time? Vyvyan: Er... half past five! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[When Vyvyan visits Narnia and sees the White Witch and the driver, Shirley.] Witch: Come, sit next to me, child. [Vyvyan sits on the sled.] Have some Turkish Delight. Eurgh! Who's farted? Vyvyan: It's not me! Shirley: That's revolting! That's revolting! People like you should be put in little boxes tied up with string, and left in small dark rooms with out any electricity! Vyvyan: Who says? Shirley: For a month! Vyvyan: Who says?! Shirley: [weakly] She does. Witch: I did not! That's a lie, Shirley! Vyvyan: 'Shirley'? Is that your name, then? 'Shirley'? Shirley: It's better than 'Vyvyan' by a longshot! Vyvyan: Oh, yeah? 'Shirley'! Witch: Oh, would you two shut up! Would you like some Turkish Delight, my child? Vyvyan: Not particularly. You got any kebabs? – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[When Rick is asking who ate his apple.] Vyvyan: What were you doing, saving it for teacher? Trying to keep the doctor away?! Rick: If he's anything like you, YES! Did you take it, Mike? Mike: Well, if you're gonna sin you might as well be original. Rick: What's that supposed to mean? Mike: I don't know. – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Mike: I'm waiting for that phone to start ringing and the world to start bidding any second now. Neil: Well, they better hurry up... coz Vyvyan's escaped... [Right on cue, Vyvyan crashes through the kitchen wall on a wrecking ball trying to set off the bomb. He then enters the kitchen a moment later.] Vyvyan: Missed! – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Mike: Vyvyan, have you ever heard of cloning? Vyvyan: (pause) No. Mike: Oh, good. Would you swear to that? Vyvyan: Certainly. If that's what you want. Big jobs! – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Mike: Let's do something, we're bored stupid! Vyvyan: Ha! Ha! Rick didn't have far to go, did he? Rick: I just knew you were gonna say that! Vyvyan: That's a complete lie, you poof! Rick: I knew you were gonna say that too! [Vyvyan smashes Rick over the head with a bottle.] Vyvyan: You didn't know I was gonna do that, did you?! Rick: (awkwardly) Alright, Vyvyan, no I didn't know that. [Vyvyan laughs.] – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Vyvyan: [to audience] By the way, it was a complete lie about the oil. – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[Neil, Vyvyan and Rick are digging in the basement for oil. Unlike Rick and Neil who are using pickaxes, Vyvyan is using his head whilst wearing a helmet.] Neil: Oh, sorry, Vyv. [Vyvyan slowly stands up only to have the pickaxe right through his head.] Vyvyan: [calmly] That's ok, Neil. It was bound to happen... sooner or later [faints]. – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
TV Set: And don't forget to unplug your set. Vyvyan: Why? TV Set: 'Cause it'll blow up you silly boy. – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Burt: You really are a card.. But I love you. – The X-Files, Season 9 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[Reciting from his memory of a Desert Storm engagement, where he lays dazed seeing a 'Super Soldier' team trot away after effortlessly wiping out the enemy squad.] Zeke Josepho: Behold, a whirlwind came out of the north, and a brightness was about it.. And out of the midst came the likeness of four living creatures, and they had the likeness of a man... I knew why my life had been spared - That I was to deliver the message of these angels, of these sons of God.. To deliver the message of the god who came before all other gods. [Concludes showing him in the present, standing on top of a dug-up alien spacecraft.] – The X-Files, Season 9 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Scully: It's true, John. She's gone. Doggett: I don't accept that - Look at her breathing. Her heart's still beating. There's got to be hope. Scully: There's no measurable electrical activity in her brain. Brain death is... indeed death, John. I'm sorry. – The X-Files, Season 9 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Audrey Pauley: Your name is John, right? She has a message for you. She says you're a dog person. Doggett: Wait - Where did you get that? Who said that to you? Audrey Pauley: I told you. She's not gone. – The X-Files, Season 9 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Doggett: A cop I know, a man I respect deeply, he told me one time you don't clock out at the end of your shift unless you know you did everything you could. That's what this is about - me not clocking out. – The X-Files, Season 9 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Reyes: Somehow this person materialized inside a maximum security prison, killed an inmate, and then vanished into thin air. Doggett: Materialized how, like Casper the Friendly Ghost? – The X-Files, Season 9 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[End of the episode, where Reyes talks to a rattled Doggett, who is unable to believe that the one killer had two different appearances, one being the one that was shot, and the other now the one taken away, dead] Reyes: ..So all that tonight was just you imagining things? Doggett: I can't accept this.. If you can, God love you - But that's not the way my mind works. – The X-Files, Season 9 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Burt: 2,598,960 possible five-card hands. 1,277 flushes in any given suit. 1,098,240 ways to make two-pairs and yet.. the game can't beat a man - Man only beats himself. – The X-Files, Season 9 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Gabe Rotter: (standing in Scully's kitchen as she performs an ad hoc necropsy) You gotta be freakin' kidding me. I can't believe you're cutting up a dead cat on your kitchen table. Scully: Will you keep your voice down, please? You're going to wake my baby. – The X-Files, Season 9 Show Quote	added 7 months ago

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