Aunt May:
Peter knew how dangerous the job was. But he figured the only one who could stop this guy was Spider-Man.
Miles Morales:
Kingpin knows we're coming. We're going to be outnumbered.
Aunt May:
Don't be so sure. You might need these. You think you're the only people who thought to come here?
Peter Parker / Spider-Man Noir:
Hey, fellas.
Miles Morales:
Is he in black and white?
Peter B. Parker / Spider-Man:
Where's that wind coming from? We're in a basement.
Spider-Man Noir:
Wherever I go, the wind follows. And the wind, it smells like rain.
Peni Parker / Sp//dr:
Hi, guys! Konichiwa! Hajimemashite yoroshiku!
Peter B. Parker:
This could literally not get any weirder.
Peter Porker / Spider-Ham:
It can get weirder. I just washed my hands. That's why they're wet. No other reason.
All six Spiders:
You're like me.
Spider-Man Noir:
My name is Peter Parker.
Peni Parker:
My name is Peni Parker.
Spider-Ham:
My name is Peter Porker.
Spider-Man Noir and Peni Parker:
I was bitten by a radioactive spider.
Spider-Ham:
I was bitten by a radioactive pig.
Spider-Man Noir:
In my universe, it's 1933, and I'm a private eye. I like to drink egg creams, and I like to fight Nazis. A lot.
Peni Parker:
I'm from New York in the year 3145. I have a psychic link with a spider who lives inside my father's robot. And we're best friends. Forever.
Spider-Man Noir:
Sometimes I let matches burn down to my fingertips just to feel something, anything.
Spider-Ham:
I'm a photographer for the Daily Beagle. When I'm not pooching around, I'm working like a dog, trying to sniff out the latest story. I frolic and I dance And I do this With my pants
Peter B. Parker:
Okay! Enough! So how did you get here?
Spider-Man Noir:
Well, it's kind of a long story. Maybe not that long.
Peni Parker:
And now we're just trying to find a way home.
Spider-Man Noir:
The only way home is back through that collider gizmo. The only trouble is'…
Spider-Ham:
One of us has to stay behind and destroy it.
Gwen Stacy, Peni Parker, Spider-Man Noir, and Spider-Ham:
I'll do it.
Miles Morales:
No, no, no. You guys don't get it.
Peni Parker:
Don't get what? (Everyone starts glitching and grunting.)
Miles Morales:
None of you can stay here. If you stay here, you'll die. I'm the guy who's gonna turn it off. And I'm gonna get you all home before I do. Look, I made a promise. So I have to keep it.
Spider-Man Noir:
Who are you again?
Peter B. Parker:
This is Miles. And he's gonna save the multiverse.
Miles Morales:
Yeah, man.
Peter B. Parker:
This kid can turn himself invisible. Watch this. He can do it now.
Miles Morales:
I can't do it on command.
Peter B. Parker:
He can't do it on command. But it is cool. Show 'em the zappy thing, Miles.
Miles Morales:
Can't do it on command.
Peter B. Parker:
He can't do it on command. But he can do so much more. What else do you do?
Miles Morales:
Just those two things.
Peter B. Parker:
Just those two things.
Spider-Man Noir:
Aw, man.
Gwen Stacy / Spider-Woman:
Look, I've seen him in action. He's got potential. I think he's gonna get us home.
Spider-Man Noir:
Okay, little fella, Kingpin's gonna send a lot of mugs after ya. I'm talkin' hard boys, real biscuit boxers. Can you fight them all off at once?
Miles Morales:
I haven't actually fought anyone.
Spider-Man Noir:
Surprise attack!
Peni Parker:
Can you rewire a mainframe while being shot at?
Miles Morales:
Can I what?
Peni Parker:
Show me!
Spider-Man Noir:
Surprise attack!
Gwen Stacy:
Can you swing and flip with the grace of a trained dancer?
Spider-Man Noir:
Can you close off your feelings so you don't get crippled by the moral ambiguity of your violent actions?
Aunt May:
Can you help your aunt create an online dating profile so she can get out of the dang house once in a while?
Spider-Ham:
Can you float through the air when you smell a delicious pie?
Miles Morales:
(softly) What?
Gwen Stacy:
Can you be strong?
Peni Parker:
Ruthless?
Gwen Stacy:
Disciplined?
Miles Morales:
I don't know. Maybe.
Peni Parker:
Psychic?
Spider-Man Noir:
Show me some moxie, soldier!
Gwen Stacy:
Above all, no matter how many times you get hit, can you get back up?
Spider-Man Noir:
'Cause when a Spider-Man is on the floor–
Spider-Ham:
When you think you can't keep goin'–
Gwen Stacy:
Come on, Miles.
Peni Parker:
Come on. You can do it.
Gwen Stacy:
You can do this.
Peter B. Parker:
Hey. Guys, cool it.
Peni Parker:
Come on. You can do it.
Spider-Man Noir:
Get up, Miles.
Gwen Stacy:
Come on, Miles. Get up.
(Miles stays down.)
Gwen Stacy:
(As they're talking softly to Peter B. about Miles.) You need to be more honest with yourself about this. He's not ready. It's obvious.
Spider-Man Noir:
There's no way. He's just a kid.
Gwen Stacy:
If he can't do this, we have to stay and do it for him.
Spider-Man Noir:
He's looking right at us while we talk about him.
Peter B. Parker:
Miles? Miles? You see that? He can, um... He can turn invisible.