Lt. Greenwald:
Well, well, well! The officers of the Caine in happy celebration!
Lt. Maryk:
What are you, Barney, kind of tight?
Lt. Greenwald:
Sure. I got a guilty conscience. I defended you, Steve, because I found the wrong man was on trial. '[pours himself a glass of wine]' So, I torpedoed Queeg for you. I had to torpedo him. And I feel sick about it.
Lt. Maryk:
Okay, Barney, take it easy.
Lt. Greenwald:
You know something... When I was studying law, and Mr. Keefer here was writing his stories, and you, Willie, were tearing up the playing fields of dear old Princeton, who was standing guard over this fat, dumb, happy country of ours, eh? Not us. Oh, no, we knew you couldn't make any money in the service. So who did the dirty work for us? Queeg did! And a lot of other guys. Tough, sharp guys who didn't crack up like Queeg.
Ensign Keith:
But no matter what, Captain Queeg endangered the ship and the lives of the men.
Lt. Greenwald:
He didn't endanger anybody's life, you did, all of you! You're a fine bunch of officers.
Lt. JG H. Paynter Jr.:
You said yourself he cracked.
Lt. Greenwald:
I'm glad you brought that up, Mr. Paynter, because that's a very pretty point. You know, I left out one detail in the court martial. It wouldn't have helped our case any. [to Maryk] Tell me, Steve, after the Yellowstain business, Queeg came to you guys for help and you turned him down, didn't you?
Lt. Steve Maryk:
[hesitant] Yes, we did.
Lt. Greenwald:
[To Paynter]' You didn't approve of his conduct as an officer. He wasn't worthy of your loyalty. So you turned on him. You ragged him. You made up songs about him. If you'd given Queeg the loyalty he needed, do you suppose the whole issue would have come up in the typhoon? [to Maryk] You're an honest man, Steve, I'm asking you. You think it would've been necessary for you to take over?
Lt. Maryk:
[hesitant] It probably wouldn't have been necessary.
Lt. Greenwald:
Yeah.
Ensign Keith:
If that's true, then we were guilty.
Lt. Greenwald:
Ah, you're learning, Willie! You're learning that you don't work with a captain because you like the way he parts his hair. You work with him because he's got the job or you're no good! Well, the case is over. You're all safe. It was like shooting fish in a barrel. '[To Keefer]' And now we come to the man who should've stood trial. The Caine's favorite author. The Shakespeare whose testimony nearly sunk us all. Tell 'em, Keefer!
Lt. Keefer:
No, you go ahead. You're telling it better.
Lt. Greenwald:
You ought to read his testimony. He never even heard of Captain Queeg!
Lt. Maryk:
Let's forget it, Barney!
Lt. Greenwald:
Queeg was sick, he couldn't help himself. But you, you're real healthy. Only you didn't have one tenth the guts that he had.
Lt. Keefer:
Except I never fooled myself, Mr. Greenwald.
Lt. Greenwald:
I'm gonna drink a toast to you, Mr. Keefer. '[pours wine in a glass]' From the beginning you hated the Navy. And then you thought up this whole idea. And you managed to keep your skirts nice, and starched, and clean, even in the court martial. Steve Maryk will always be remembered as a mutineer. But you, you'll publish your novel, you'll make a million bucks, you'll marry a big movie star, and for the rest of your life you'll live with your conscience, if you have any. Now here's to the real author of "The Caine Mutiny." Here's to you, Mr. Keefer. [splashes wine in Keefer's face] If you wanna do anything about it, I'll be outside. I'm a lot drunker than you are, so it'll be a fair fight.
