George Lopez

George Lopez

George Edward Lopez (born April 23, 1961) is a Mexican-American comedian and actor. He is known for starring in his self-produced ABC sitcom George Lopez. His stand-up comedy examines race and ethnic relations, including Mexican American culture. Lopez has received several honors for his work and contributions to the Latino community, including the 2003 Imagen Vision Award, the 2003 Latino Spirit Award for Excellence in Television and the National Hispanic Media Coalition Impact Award. He was also named one of "The Top 25 Hispanics in America" by Time magazine in 2005.

Year:
2002
6,874 Views

[having a father-daughter talk while driving]

Carmen:
Where are we going?

George:
I just want to talk. And the first thing I want to say is I should've punished Max a lot more than I did.

Carmen:
[sarcastically] Well, I should call the newspaper. "George Lopez Admits When He's Wrong."

George:
[murmur] Be the adult, be the adult.

George:
Ok look, maybe I went easier on Max because I know why he peeped. I was a boy. I get that. I don't get you anymore. I did when you were a little girl 'cause you were just like a little boy except you never got caught on your zipper.

Carmen:
Well, I'm not a little boy or a little girl anymore. I'd like a little privacy. And I'd like some respect.

George:
That's fair.

Carmen:
And I'd like my feelings listened to.

George:
Ooh, that's a tough one.

Carmen:
Why?

George:
Because everything's a crisis with you. There are no small problems.

George:
I'm on overload, Carmen. I mean, I thought teenagers were supposed to lock themselves in their rooms and never talk to their parents. I was kinda looking forward to that.

Carmen:
Well, I'm sorry I tell you all my problems.

George:
No, you shouldn't be. I have to get better at this.

George:
Look, I promise to start listening to your feelings if you promise not to have so MANY of them.

Carmen:
Deal.

George:
And don't ever think I love Max more than I love you. 'Cause that's not right.

Carmen:
[voice breaking] Okay.

George:
Why are you crying?

Carmen:
I'm happy.

George:
[voice breaking] I got you this cellphone to make up for everything. Stop crying.

Carmen:
[crying] Oh my god. It's a cellphone! (hugs George)

[to the car beside him at the light]

George:
[crying] Hey, what are you looking at? We're feeling in here!

George:
Go, man! The light's green.

Ernie:
Hey, I'm ready today, Bro. Sabes qu?? I stayed up late watching home improvement shows. Yeah. I think we could class this place up with some sconces and some Roman shades, huh? Huh?

George Lopez:
Look, take it easy, Queer Eye. We're in way over our heads, Man. There's no way we're gonna get this done in three days; not with all the plumbing and electrical stuff.

Ernie:
Yeah, you know, "can't" is just another way of saying "won't".

George Lopez:
You wanna get shocked 'til you pee again?

Ernie:
No... [checks his crotch] So what, what are you gonna do, you gonna call a contractor?

George Lopez:
No, I don't wanna spend the money. Look, I called Victor and Bobby from the old neighborhood; they're on their way over.

Ernie:
I don't know about those dudes, George. They cut a lot of corners!

George Lopez:
That's why I want them! They're quick and they're cheap.

Ernie:
Ch-yeah. But remember when they hooked up the septic tank at the Martinez place? They got the lines all crossed up? The first time the mom used the dishwasher, the whole family got hepatitis.

George Lopez:
Man, she's barely breaking even! I'm not gonna put thousands of dollars into something that might not pay off. Remember her candle business?

Ernie:
[softly] Oh.

George Lopez:
Scents of Cuba?

Ernie:
Yeah.

George Lopez:
It turns out nobody wants to smell like poverty and cigars. [Ernie chuckles; Victor enters and then Bobby]

Victor:
'Sup?

George Lopez:
[Deep voice akin to Victor's] 'Sup.

Bobby:
'Sup.

George Lopez:
[deep voice] 'Sup. [normal voice] 'Memba Ernie?

Victor:
'Sup.

Ernie:
[quickly] 'Sup.

Bobby:
'Sup.

Ernie:
'Sup.

Victor:
So, uh, I hear you need an office for your old lady.

George Lopez:
Yeah and it's gotta be really nice, too, Victor. It's gotta have hardwood floors, recessed lighting, crown molding, everything y todo, the whole nine yarns.

Bobby:
How is Angie; is she still fine?

Bobby:
Still live with your mom and dad, Ernie?

Ernie:
Hey, I pay rent, alright? So it's more like we're roommates.

Bobby:
Did your roommates lay out those nice overalls for you this morning?

Ernie:
No way! She's not even allowed in my room; there's a sign and everything; she knows that, fool! You know what? Whatever, eh. You know what, I don't need this crap. [hangs up his tools in disgust] Victor, Bobby, Victor, why don't you marry em?

George Lopez:
Look. This gotta be done by Monday. That's three days, huh. Can you do it?

Victor:
[looks to the left side of the garage] Hmm, depends. What about permits?

George Lopez:
I'm permitting you.

Victor:
Monday it is.

George Lopez:
Alright, look it, Angie can't know you're here, okay? So you gotta be out of here by 6 every night, before she gets home from the bridal expo.

Bobby:
Hold on, hold on, hold the horse, huh. There's a lot of work here for three days. We don't have a deal until we talk about a equitable compensation package.

Victor:
[points in agreement at Bobby] Mmm. Mm-hmm. Now let's see: We got - we got electric, plumbing, [whistles] carpentry, materials...

Bobby:
You want us to use nails on this, George?

George Lopez:
[in disbelief] Yeah!

Victor:
Hey, relajate. We'll get a box! [turns to Bobby] We won't use them all. So um... [whispers between the men and Bobby agrees to something; Victor tuns to George] 10 cases of beer should do it.

George Lopez:
[doubtful] You wanna be paid in beer?

Bobby:
Well, yeah, it's where the money's gonna go anyway. [pats stomach]


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