Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

[special pre-first-scene short detail - this detail is announced in each episode before the short pre-opening-credits scene as a tradition]

Narrator:
In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous - in New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit - these are their stories.

Capt. Donald Cragen:
You don't get to pick the vic.

Olivia Benson:
You're under arrest for attempted kidnapping and reckless endangerment. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

[after he lost on a game]

John Munch:
Damn it. I died.

[Fin grabs the controller]

Fin Tutuola:
Let me see me this.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[screaming] I got an F!

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[sees Warner enter the restaurant where he and Olivia are eating lunch] An ME out of the lab? It must be big.

M.E. Melinda Warner:
I got the report back from the contents of the vomit.

Det. Olivia Benson:
Am I going to want to stop eating for this?

M.E. Melinda Warner:
Roast beef, mozzarella cheese, corn and raisins. Luckily, it had only been in the stomach a few hours, so it was only partially digested.

Det. Olivia Benson:
All right, I'm done. [pushes her salad away. Elliot shrugs and takes it]

M.E. Melinda Warner:
[performing an autopsy with the detectives present] No fluids present. Tests show spermicide common in condoms. [removes an organ from the body and weighs it]

Elliot Stabler:
This is fun.

[repeated line when suspects give a "great" excuse for what they've done]

ADA Casey Novak:
Is that the best you can come up with?

ADA David Goreman:
So you're an expert on sex crimes - is that correct?

Brian Cassidy:
Well, we all have something to learn...

ADA David Goreman:
I'm sure. Can you tell us the technical, or 'psycho-sexual' term, if you will - for fondling a stranger?

Brian Cassidy:
[thinking]... Fromage?... [audience giggles]

ADA David Goreman:
I believe it's "frottage".

Brian Cassidy:
Right, right - "frottage".

Det. Monique Jefferies:
Are you gonna eat this?

John Munch:
Suppose we say yes.

Det. Monique Jefferies:
Suppose I was just being polite.

John Munch:
That would be a first.

Brian Cassidy:
Go ahead, Munch doesn't eat veggies

Det. Monique Jefferies:
Really? I heard that's not the only thing John doesn't... eat.

John Munch:
Not to mention the fact that I lost a wife after less than one night of connubial bliss to someone who was not only a detective but a member of my own squad.

Capt. Donald Cragen:
My wife was on an Orlando turnaround as a flight attendant, and I was home, scrubbing algae off the tiles around the swimming pool that we never used, the one that got me into hot water with Internal Affairs, because 'what's a cop doing with an in-ground pool", right?, and then the phone rang, the call she always expected, always dreaded.

[Looking through a victim's purse for ID]

Olivia Benson:
No jewelry. I always carry at least a pair of earrings in my purse.

Elliot Stabler:
Yeah, like you carry a purse.

Olivia Benson:
That's 'cause you carry it for me.

Elliot Stabler:
Heh...

Fin Tutuola:
[Munch starts one of his theories... ] Don't get him started on one of his conspiracy theories!

Capt. Donald Cragen:
What would it take to get a blanket DNA on an entire facility?

ADA Alexandra Cabot:
A constitutional amendment.

Fin Tutuola:
[everyone is staring at him after he has just explained what 'sex on the DL' is] Don't look at me, I just know stuff.

Neighbor:
[a snoopy neighbor witnessed a rape and didn't report it] Do I need a lawyer?

Elliot Stabler:
For being a peeping tom? No, you just need a shrink.

ADA Casey Novak:
This changes everything.

Det. Olivia Benson:
Your one night as a bachelor and you go to the grocery store? That's lame.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[shrugs] A grocery store with strippers.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[to Fin during a card game] What's your favorite kind of torture?

Nina Laszlo:
He made her... Lewinsky him.

[Nina is being arrested by SVU]

Nina Laszlo:
You can't do this!

Detective John Munch:
In case you didn't notice, we just did.

[Elliot walks in to find Kathy and Maureen in conversation at the dinner table]

Kathy Stabler:
Oh, you're home.

Maureen Stabler:
You're probably on her side.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
You look healthy enough to me.

[to Kathy]

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Have you eaten?

Kathy Stabler:
No, I was waiting until you got home.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Manicotti Night, down at Scarentino's. Bottle of chianti, our name on it. Let's get out of here.

Maureen Stabler:
You can't make me eat Italian, either.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Good, you're not invited. See you.

Detective Lennie Briscoe:
[handing Stabler his murder weapon] You are looking at the fruits of four hours of dumpster diving along 59th Street. Nine dumpsters in all.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
You trying to tell me the two of youse went dumpster diving?

Detective Ed Green:
Hell, no. We supervised a couple of uniforms. I don't do dirty diapers.

Captain Donald Cragen:
[pulling Briscoe and Green away from Benson and Stabler] Lennie. Lennie, come on, I haven't eaten in an hour. You guys go ahead. These guys owe me a lunch.

Detective Lennie Briscoe:
I don't owe him anything. I'm just gonna supervise his donut withdrawal.

[on the phone]

Detective Olivia Benson:
Maria, wake up! Maria? Maria?

Richard Dwyer:
Who is this?

Detective Olivia Benson:
This is the police. We know exactly where you are.

[beat]

Richard Dwyer:
[sing-song] No, you don't!

[hangs up]

John Munch:
Tutuola! Come and pollute your soul with child porn, my friend!

Detective Olivia Benson:
This guy is one of the worst child pornographers they've ever seen and they know NOTHING about him.

Maria Recinos:
Do you have any children, Olivia?

Detective Olivia Benson:
No, I don't.

Maria Recinos:
Don't you like children?

Detective Olivia Benson:
I love them, I would love to have them.

Maria Recinos:
Would you ever send them away, like my mother did me?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Sweetie, I know you're tired, but you've got to hang on, we're almost there.

Maria Recinos:
You keep saying that, but you're not. He'll come back soon and he'll be angry. I'll hear his footsteps on the stairs.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Stairs?

Maria Recinos:
Sometimes I just hear his footsteps, sometimes more, on *those* days, I want to die.

Rafael Barba:
Oh, so you take money from both sides? Don't ever change.

Rafael Barba:
And Buchanan's here. Well, now it's a party.

John Buchanan:
If I understood you just now, it's because the assailant is naive or shy that she waited four days to disclose?

Olivia Benson:
No, that's not what I said. I said it's not unusual at all for any victim to wait to disclose. Victims often need time to process what happened to them before approaching police.

John Buchanan:
You mean before approaching you. She went to her local precinct first, and they chose not to puruse an investigation.

Olivia Benson:
Because local precincts aren't properly trained in sexual assault. That's why the NYPD created the Special Victims Unit in the first place.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[Stabler and Benson are looking through a victims belonging's as part of their investigation] She must have had fun naming her computer files... Uh, this is "Penis.Quotes." You want to read it or should I?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Oh, knock yourself out.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[Takes a quick glance and a moment later gives it to Benson with discomfort] No, that's yours.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Anything?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
No.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Okay, "Biology of the Amazons" by Grethen Quinn. "There's a tiny catfish feared more than the piranha. It's called a..."

Captain Donald Cragen:
Candiru.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Say what?

Captain Donald Cragen:
This is beautiful. Tell him.

Detective Olivia Benson:
[Reading a passage] "It will swim right into a man's penis and lodge itself there by erecting sharp spines." Ow.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Erecting sharp spines... That's a fish with a sense of irony. How'd you know that?

Captain Donald Cragen:
In the jungle they always taught us, "Don't hose your nose; Hold your stones."

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[entering Cragen's office] You look about as happy as a postal worker on Christmas.

Detective Olivia Benson:
I thought you didn't drink.

Captain Donald Cragen:
I don't. But that doesn't mean you can't.

Olivia Benson:
Yeah. I'm a regular monk.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[Staring at her] Monkette.

Captain Donald Cragen:
What did you get from the people at Reed's funeral?

Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola:
Not much - after the fight broke out, a bunch of people left before we got their names.

Detective John Munch:
[brandishing a camera] Yeah, but... we got their pictures.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Where the hell is that from?

Detective John Munch:
One of Reverend Shaw's church members, he must've left it behind.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
[smiling] I didn't hear that.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Get it back to him, John.

Detective John Munch:
I'll be happy to, I'll even develop his film for free.

[the detectives are investigating the murder of a gay man - they have in custody a reverend who was protesting at his funeral]

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[reading his file] Reverend Mitchell Shaw... you really get around. Protesting in Vermont, at the Supreme Court... cheering at the funeral of a six-year-old who died of AIDS.

Det. Olivia Benson:
Maybe you should switch to a career in publicity.

Rev. Mitchell Shaw:
The Lord asked me to do his work.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Did he ask you to ignore all that, uh, "love thy neighbor" stuff?

Rev. Mitchell Shaw:
"If a man lie with mankind as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death, their blood is upon them." Leviticus.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
The Bible also says I can sell my daughters into slavery and be put to death if I work on a Sunday. 12 years of Catholic school. Anyone can memorize words, Reverend. Doesn't make 'em righteous.

Rev. Mitchell Shaw:
The city is filled with sodomites and you waste your time protecting them, and yet you wonder why so many of your NYPD brothers were struck down on September 11th. Do you not see the Lord's judgment upon you?

[Elliot shoves away the table and gets right in Shaw's face]

Det. Elliot Stabler:
I see a scared, shriveled-up piece of trash who uses God to justify his bigotry.

Elliot Stabler:
[reading a gay victim's hate mail] " 'All queers will burn in the flames of hell,' so sayeth the Lord." Somehow I don't think that's a direct quote.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Go back in there and strangle the son of a b*tch.

Detective John Munch:
I love the guy. I want to invite him to the Christmas party.

Crossing Guard:
I hope a cab doesn't splatter you all over mid-town, you little brats.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
I don't know, I guess some people just choose to be gay and others choose to be straight.

Det. Olivia Benson:
So you chose to be heterosexual?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Me? No.

Ian Tate:
All you ever did was make me wish I was dead.

Sergeant John Munch:
Doctors are like cops, they don't like making promises.

Sergeant John Munch:
[to Fin] And you wonder why I'm into conspiracies, we're LIVING in one.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Let's go for a walk.

Bureau Chief Paula Foster:
Why?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Because I'm going to have to arrest you, and I don't want to do it in front of your daughter.

Detective Olivia Benson:
I want you to know, my only concern was for Ashley.

Ricki Austin:
You get near her again, I'll have your badge.

Detective John Munch:
Three more calls.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
From Maureen?

Detective John Munch:
Not yours. [to Olivia] Yours.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Ashley? Is she okay?

Detective John Munch:
No. She saw the latest N*SYNC video and was devastated, as was I. [beat] She just called to chat.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Nice to see the place didn't completely fall apart while I was gone.

Detective Olivia Benson:
It hasn't been the same without you.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
I took a two week coffee break and nobody noticed.

Captain Donald Cragen:
[ordering the go-ahead on a bust] If they want to fire me, they know where to find me.

Lieutenant Alexandra Eames:
They all have a reason. Something.

Detective Olivia Benson:
And that's how you break them. Get them to tell their story.

Lieutenant Alexandra Eames:
Isn't that how you do it?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Well, I don't normally do it leaning over sideways. [Mimicks the lean. They both laugh]

Lieutenant Alexandra Eames:
I learned that from my partner at Major Case. It was his way of keeping eye contact.

Detective Olivia Benson:
It's a little eccentric.

Lieutenant Alexandra Eames:
You have no idea.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Okay.

Lieutenant Alexandra Eames:
All that time together, the two of us... it was like we were married.

Detective Olivia Benson:
[Knowingly] But you weren't.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Captain. I didn't see you come in.

Captain Donald Cragen:
You probably didn't recognize me without the orange jumpsuit.

Dr. Kyle Beresford:
Tell me something: who rapes a pregnant woman?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Well, for every kink, there's a perv with a dream.

Dominick 'Sonny' Carisi, Jr.:
He picks up an underage girl, she OD's in his bed, he makes some calls, goes away

Nick Amaro:
Then why leave the last part to chance?

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
You mean: killed her? You're watching too many movies!

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
You can put an UC in his cell

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
He's under arrest; NYPD can't have an ex-parte conversation

Olivia Benson:
Not on his case, but if he gives us information about somebody else? That's fair game

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
Is it? I didn't hear any of this [and walks away smiling]

John Munch:
Since when did New York become a red state?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[pregnant Kathy carries in a laundry basket] Honey, you shouldn't be lifting heavy things. Just leave it there, I'll do it.

Kathleen Stabler:
She's not supposed to be pregnant! [to Kathy] You're too old, I'm in college - people will think it's mine.

Hashi Horowitz:
She has five documented personalities.

Judge Walter Bradley:
Should we swear them all in separately?

Dr. George Huang:
Tell me about her alters.

Detective Olivia Benson:
So far we've seen Dr. Young, a little girl, and a mean Russian.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
And I bet she does a great Christopher Walken too.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Tammy was just about to tell us where Burt took April when Petra showed up and b*tch slapped Elliot.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Yeah, I'd like to have 5 minutes alone with Burt.

Sergeant John Munch:
You can't talk to her.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
John, I don't care if they crowned you Chief of D's, I'm not taking orders from you.

Sergeant John Munch:
You can't talk to Froot Loops because her lawyer's in with her.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
I'll call Huang, tell him to bring the butterfly net.

Sergeant John Munch:
This job sucks!

Detective Nick Amaro:
That was Munch. He thinks I should just take a plea. Get this over with.

Captain Donald Cragen:
He said that?

Detective Nick Amaro:
He said just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean I don't have enemies.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Well, that sounds like Munch.

Captain Donald Cragen:
[Last words] Oh, ehm, Oliva, do something with the place, will you?

Amanda Rollins:
Their attacker is young, black, male, 6 foot, wears a hoodie and a baseball cap

John Munch:
Well, that narrows it down!

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Munch!

Sergeant John Munch:
[wakes up] What?

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Let's get back on this hate mail.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Son of a b*tch!

Sergeant John Munch:
Well screw you too, pal.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
I'm not talking to you.

Sergeant John Munch:
What, you got an imaginary friend over there with you now?

Sergeant John Munch:
[watching a tape of Gordon Garrison] Do we have to watch the collapse of western civilization?

[Randall Carver is staging a demonstration outside SVU]

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
[handing Munch a stack of correspondence] Hold this. Gonna go see how far I can kick that bullhorn up his ass.

Sergeant John Munch:
Don't dirty your shoe, Fin.

M.E. Melinda Warner:
[using Elliot to demonstrate how a victim's throat was cut after his genitals were removed] An amateur would have cut Jansen's throat straight across. Your guy cut the carotid artery, here and here. The other part...

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[steps away, quickly] You don't need to demonstrate that part.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Somebody kicked the crap out of this kid.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
You have sex with your stepson and you don't think there's anything wrong with that? What kind of sick bastard are you?

Kathleen Stabler:
[to Elliot] We're your family, not a booty call. Either come home, or don't, there's no in between.

Forensics Tech Ryan O'Halloran:
[Elliot wrestles with him with a laser gun to recreate the mark left by a bullet in a supposed struggle] You can aim it a hundred different ways but unless you break my wrist you're not going to be able to make that mark. Now try shooting yourself.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
What do we know about these three upright citizens in Florida?

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Well, one died in a car crash, and the parole officers for the other two say they're squeaky clean.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Squeaky clean sex offender. Yeah, that's... that's a new one.

[Analyzing Hedges' laptop and finds hidden child porn]

TARU Tech Ruben Morales:
His parole officer probably missed it. They were hidden by the s-tools software.

Detective Olivia Benson:
S-tools?

TARU Tech Ruben Morales:
Yeah, s is short for stenography. From the Greek meaning hidden writing. Mainly used by spies to send concealed messages.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
So, it just downloads child porn and disguises it with this... stegosaurus stuff.

Detective Olivia Benson:
We got ourselves a dead beauty queen.

A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot:
If it looks like kiddie porn and it smells like kiddie porn, then it's kiddie porn.

Captain Donald Cragen:
As the wise man once said, I can resist everything but temptation.

Stanley Billings:
You can't just barge in here!

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Sure we can. We're arresting you.

Detective John Munch:
There are five stages of grief. Don't go through them all at once.

Detective John Munch:
I didn't know women got into whizzing contests.

Merritt Rook:
I look forward to working with you Ms Novak.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
Yeah, should be fun.

Merritt Rook:
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go post my bail.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
The Milgram Experiment.

Merritt Rook:
You've done your homework. Yes, only this time its for real.

Merritt Rook:
You, Elliot Stabler, are a true human being.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
I Don't abuse my authority.

Merritt Rook:
Oh, every cop abuses his authority!

Merritt Rook:
I put my faith in a little god in a white coat and he killed my wife and son. Push the button!

Detective Elliot Stabler:
No!

Merritt Rook:
Push... the... Button!

Detective Elliot Stabler:
I can't do it.

Merritt Rook:
No? Why?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Too many people have suffered already.

Merritt Rook:
Then you, Elliot Stabler, are a human being. Congratulations. You are not a sheep like I was. You're a man. Thank you.

Merritt Rook:
You have no idea what I've suffered!

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Who do you have now, psychic hotline?

Detective Chester Lake:
Better, one of Rachel's friends. [turns the phone on speaker] You still there, Ginger?

Ginger:
Yes.

Detective Chester Lake:
Alright, tell the detectives what you told me.

Ginger:
I think Rachel's in another universe.

Detective Chester Lake:
She's Vixy, you're Tawny, sound like a couple of strippers.

Ginger:
Actually you're close. We use AY to explore some fantasies.

Detective Chester Lake:
What kind of fantasies?

Ginger:
We own a couple of virtual sex clubs.

Detective Chester Lake:
How do avatars have sex?

Ginger:
Same way as humans do, except it's just animated.

Detective Olivia Benson:
So you can do whatever you want and you and Racehl CHOSE to be prostitutes?

Lauren Molby:
You've got to let me see him. I've loved him since I was 15 years old. [Olivia and Elliot stare at her] You think a 15 year old can't fall in love?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
I have teenaged daughters who fall in love all the time.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You're under arrest.

Cooper:
For what?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Crossing on the red. Didn't you see the sign?

Cooper:
You've got to be kidding.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Safety's no laughing matter.

Olivia Benson:
[after another child is killed] Cycle never ends, does it?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Welcome to the Gaza Strip.

Steven Hale:
I am *not* a homosexual!

Captain Donald Cragen:
There are two R's in hemorrhoids.

Detective Brian Cassidy:
I'm a desk jockey, what do you want?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Do you know about Olivia's family history?

Detective John Munch:
No, what? Alcoholic, dead beat dad, Jehovah's Witness?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
All she knows about her father is that he's the man that raped her mother.

William Langdon:
Homosexuality is not natural. It's a crime against God.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
And AIDS is divine retribution.

William Langdon:
Are you being flippant with me?

Detective John Munch:
Why would a gay man work for Langdon, one of the most conservative bigots in the country?

Ken Turner:
Why do you have such a hard-on for me?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
'Cause you can't keep yours out of unsuspecting women.

Lieutenant Declan Murphy:
You can't be in charge of a man hunt when you are the target of the man you are hunting!

Dr. Abraham:
His heart stopped. We did CPR for about 15 minutes and I pronounced him dead. Two minutes later he auto-resuscitates. They call it the Lazarus effect.

Nick Amaro:
Hey, it's Lewis. He is calling on the landline from Dr. Cole's cellphone. He only talks to you, Liv

Lieutenant Declan Murphy:
Track the GPS

[Olivia walks towards the phone, but doesn't pick it up]

Lieutenant Declan Murphy:
Go ahead!

Olivia Benson:
No, you got to make him wait. You make him wait, you'll make him angry and when he gets angry he gets sloppy

Detective Olivia Benson:
So your hand on my breast was just a happy accident?

Rita Wills:
I made love to him. But then, my friend came early.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
What friend?

Detective Olivia Benson:
She's talking about her period.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Liv, I found the sheets and they are definitely bloody... among other things.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
We disturb Cal Cutler's eternal rest for nothing.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
You didn't disturb him.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
I was speaking metaphorically.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
I meant it literally.

Detective Olivia Benson:
[to Susan] Those b*tches didn't deserve your man, his wife didn't deserve your man!

Detective Elliot Stabler:
I don't trust a guy who wears drawstring pants.

John Munch:
DNA sweat stains, so now you have to watch where you sweat.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
Wonders of science, baby.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
So either Vargas was renting out his pants, or somebody else is setting him up.

John Munch:
[birds in a cage] If only they could talk.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
Well I'm no Dr. Dolittle, but a swab of the dog's mouth might tell us if he bit the perp while trying to protect her.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Need a vet?

Dr. Melinda Warner:
No, I can do it, come here, boy. [swabs dog's mouth, pauses]

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You okay?

Dr. Melinda Warner:
He's just a dead ringer for my dog, Petey.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
I didn't know you had a dog.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
Yeah well, with the work I do, it's nice to come home to something breathing.

John Munch:
Yeah, we had a dog once, my father tripped over it and took him back to the pound the next day.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Lay down with dogs, wake up with fleas. Same with men. [looks at victim murdered in her bed]

Detective Olivia Benson:
Vicki, if I have to live with you for the next 20 years, I promise you he is never going to touch you again.

Bill Harris:
[giving a lecture] Any questions?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[stands up] Yeah, why'd you rape Vicki?

Man in Crowd:
What did you say?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
I asked him why he raped Vicki?

Bill Harris:
This is illegal.

Detective Odafin Tutuola:
Yeah, call a cop.

Vicki:
He raped me. Again.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[arriving at the hospital] Again? She mention the guy's name?

Dr. Tanaka:
Says she doesn't know it.

Detective Olivia Benson:
And... he attacked her how many times?

Dr. Tanaka:
She told the EMTs four, over the past 15 years.

Detective Olivia Benson:
LAPD just hit the jackpot on my victim's previous rape.

[scene changes to Los Angeles]

Detective Rex Winters:
Rex Winters.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Olivia Benson.

Detective Rex Winters:
[shaking hands] Hi.

Detective Olivia Benson:
So, Vicki's rape kit.

Detective Rex Winters:
Lab's still processing the DNA.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Why'd it take so long to test it?

Detective Rex Winters:
'Cause we have thousands of kits sitting in the freezer. How bad's your backlog?

Detective Olivia Benson:
[annoyed] We don't have one. Every kit is tested after an assault, and the results are forwarded back to us and to the D.A. So how long until we get Vicki's results?

Detective Rex Winters:
I'm not sure, but I do have something else. William Harris? Runs a storage locker in Boyle Heights.

Detective Olivia Benson:
The company he works for is headquartered out here. But why does he need a locker?

Detective Rex Winters:
That's a good question. But he's had it since August 2000.

Detective Olivia Benson:
That was right after Vicki was raped. How fast can you get a warrant?

[Detective Rex Winters pulls a search warrant out of his jacket]

[last lines]

Vicki:
Now I'll always know where you are. Be a good boy. [she slams the cell door shut] Behave yourself.

Detective Olivia Benson:
[to Harris] You're my B*tch now.

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
You know as well as I do that rape is tough to prove, let alone without the victim's testimony.

Sergeant Olivia Benson:
[to an incarcerated gang leader] You threatening me? I got the biggest gang in the city. You think your guys are loyal? Go ahead. Test the NYPD. I dare ya.

Nick Amaro:
We've got a call

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Couldn't that come an hour earlier?

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Do these fools don't think that cops not use the internet?

Amanda Rollins:
Well, it did take me a year to teach you how to

Sergeant Olivia Benson:
Come on guys!

[a rape victim is embarrassed about having orgasmed during the assault]

Sergeant Olivia Benson:
Avery, it is a normal physiological response. It's a reflex.

Amanda Rollins:
It doesn't mean that you wanted it or enjoyed it.

Olivia Benson:
Mrs. Osborne, we're gonna have to place you under arrest.

Michelle Osborne:
For what?

Olivia Benson:
Conspiracy to commit kidnapping.

Michelle Osborne:
Go ahead. You'll see I'm right.

Olivia Benson:
Michelle, this has got to stop now. Okay we know everything. Anna was on the police report from your husband's accident. She died in the car with him.

Michelle Osborne:
No they never found her remains.

Olivia Benson:
Michelle, they were hit by a gasoline tanker. There was nothing left. I'm sorry. But you know what I'm telling you is the truth.

Michelle Osborne:
I KNOW MY DAUGHTER IS ALIVE!

Olivia Benson:
Casey, you've got to plead her out.

ADA Casey Novak:
Why would I do that?

Olivia Benson:
Because what happened was a mistake.

ADA Casey Novak:
Michelle is uncontrollably driven to kidnap someone else's child.

Olivia Benson:
Her little girl biologically!

ADA Casey Novak:
But not legally. I can't let Michelle off the hook just because you feel guilty you didn't believe her.

Olivia Benson:
Well then give her a break because she's also a victim. What that fertility doctor did to those two women is genetic rape. And don't tell me that that doesn't bother you on some level.

ADA Casey Novak:
Talk to the doctor, confirm what Michelle and the Bransons say and I'll consider a deal.

Elliot Stabler:
[Speaking to scared little girl who has to ID a perp] I want to show you something. You see that window? It's magic. Cause anyone that's standing here, they can't see through it can they?

Olivia Benson:
She's clean. There's nothing suspicious. Even her credit's perfect.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Three thousand dollars' worth of damage to the car?

Elliot Stabler:
What can I tell you? I zigged when I should've zagged.

Elliot Stabler:
[summing up to Casey how it feels to be a parent] I would die for my children, and there's not a thing that would change that, ever.

Elliot Stabler:
'And Solomon said "Bring me a sword, divide the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other."'

ADA Casey Novak:
But I can't split the child.

Elliot Stabler:
[looks at her] Solomon didn't have to.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Was she raped?

Dr. Jane Larom:
Yes. No fluids, but several hairs, and there's significant bruising. [pause] She's only eleven.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Don't ask why. It'll just make you crazy.

Samantha Beavan:
Why are you treating me like I'm a criminal?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
'Cause your baby's toxicology report says that you are one.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
This is my wife Olivia. I am Elliot.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Well, Elliot and I have been into each other for so long that we decided to spread our wings a little.

Cassandra Davina:
I can't believe you've arrested me, I'm a victim.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You're a con artist. Sit down.

Cassandra Davina:
You know what? I knew you were smarter than all the rest.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You really can't help yourself, can you?

Detective Olivia Benson:
It's still incest.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
"Twincest".

Detective Olivia Benson:
You sure this guy's out here? The only thing I've seen in the last half hour is a five pound rat.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Yeah, you've got it bad? I just saw a transvestite that looks like Munch.

Detective Nick Amaro:
[after getting shot] I always forget how much this hurts.

Dr. George Huang:
I'm conflicted about labeling a ten year old a psychopath. But...

Captain Donald Cragen:
But?

Dr. George Huang:
I've had a chill like that two times in my life... with death row serial killers.

Olivia Benson:
Sorry to pull you away. How is your son?

Detective Nick Amaro:
Great, except for the fact that he doesn't know he is my son!

Dr. Matt Spevak:
I started this foundation to give something back.

Olivia Benson:
You gave three women back to God. Does that count?

ADA Casey Novak:
[Novak goes to a judge's home to get a signature on a search warrant. She finds him playing poker with four other judges] I've had this nightmare before, only I was naked.

Judge Lena Petrovsky:
How charming.

Judge Joseph P. Terhune:
And you want me to disturb the sanctity of the dead on your say-so.

ADA Casey Novak:
I have a very convincing, but long argument, that would disturb the sanctity of your poker game.

Detective John Munch:
Answering machine's blinking.

Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola:
Probably a collection agency.

Answering machine:
Hey, Spevak, you're late again. You better pay up, Doc, or we're coming over.

Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola:
Doesn't sound like MasterCard.

Olivia Benson:
What the hell happened?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Heart attack.

Olivia Benson:
That our victim?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
No, he's the perp.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You were sexually assaulted. There's nothing to be embarrassed about.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Go directly to jail,

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Do not pass "Go"

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Do not collect Two Hundred Dollars

Nick Amaro:
Well, the way she was dressed, she could be a working girl

Olivia Benson:
Nick, you gotta go out more! Everyone dresses like that now!

Captain Donald Cragen:
Harbor and Aviations know where she floated in from?

Amanda Rollins:
No, they said: if we know when they could tell where and if we know where, they could tell when

Captain Donald Cragen:
That's not so helpful as I'd like!

Nick Amaro:
Whoever that is, he is dressed for surveillance cams

Wayne Randolph:
[Reads headline of the New Yorker newspaper: Coma Vic Partied Hard] Is all this stuff true?

Olivia Benson:
They're just trying to sell newspapers! You who your mom is!

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
[knocks on door] Santiago Morales!

Amanda Rollins:
It's late! He could be asleep, he could be working!

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
He is a musician! He's not sleeping and he's damn sure not working!

Captain Donald Cragen:
Call Harbor and Aviation back, see whether they can figure out how she washes ashore Gracie Mansion

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
No need to use them, captain! That's why I brought my rope guy, Colin Bennett.

Captain Donald Cragen:
So, your rope guide is tide guy?

Colin Bennett:
Ropes, tides, paints, solvents. CSU calls me their renaissance man

Captain Donald Cragen:
OK, Michelangelo

Elliot Stabler:
You have the right to an attorney. In the unlikely event that Daddy can't afford to buy you one, one will be provided for you.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
My husband's Alpha Phi Alpha. He keeps his Greek directory right next to his Harry Potter hardcovers.

Elliot Stabler:
[standing in a sewage plant with a decomposed body] Whoever dumped our victim, really knew their crap.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[referring to a killer who dumped the body in a sewage treatment plant] They sure know their crap.

Sergeant John Munch:
[Referring to a guinea pig that a man is holding] You know, they eat those things in Peru.

Jeff Samonsky:
[Benson just unplugged the controllers from the gaming console, startling the Samonsky's out of the game they were playing] WHOA! Where the hell'd you come from?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
The real world. Join us.

[Stabler is interviewing a woman with mental problems and has just showed her a picture of her daughter, Rose]

Amber Samonsky:
Not my daughter.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Now, you just said that you have a daughter named Rose.

Amber Samonsky:
I do. Somewhere.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
That's not her?

Amber Samonsky:
It looks like her and this girls' been living in our apartment. But she's an imposter.

Detective Olivia Benson:
You're a pissy tyrant, and Ellen was the perfect victim because she didn't fight back.

Detective Olivia Benson:
You have the right to keep your mouth shut!

Detective Olivia Benson:
[after Olivia roughs up the perp] You got a problem?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Just nice to see someone else with anger issues.

Detective Olivia Benson:
[to Elliot] You're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man.

Judge Harrison:
There were no grounds to issue the order of protection in the first place, but these days jurists feel so pressure by femi-Nazis, they just hand them out like candy.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Well, I read the court transcript. Valerie Sennet feared for her life and you just dismissed her.

Judge Harrison:
She probably watched too many women in jeopardy movies. There's no history of violence or abuse in this case.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Well, explain the assault last night. Her husband raped her.

Judge Harrison:
If you had the evidence to prove that, you wouldn't be here. Or do you always jump to conclusions?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
It's our job to believe the victims, Your Honor.

Judge Harrison:
I work in family court. It's my job to believe whoever's lying the least.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
[when the defense attorney tries to disprove Novak's theories by comparing opinions] What is this your Honor, Ebert & Roeper?

Detective Dani Beck:
We need you to tell the truth about what Bud and Rita did.

Eden:
You mean the bad stuff?

Detective Dani Beck:
What bad stuff?

Eden:
They put a hose in my mouth until water came out my nose.

Eden:
I want to die! Let me die!

Detective Dani Beck:
Why did you do it?

Eden:
So you wouldn't leave me.

Detective Dani Beck:
You could've killed us both.

Eden:
But then we could both be together.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[arriving at a scene where a van's being lifted out of the water] John, what do we got?

Detective John Munch:
The van tried to take a shortcut to Brooklyn. The river got in the way.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Handcuffed to the van, who let them out?

Uniform cop:
Probably the driver, looks like there were two adults in the van, a woman with one shoe [picks up a shoe] and one man with no hair. [picks up a wig]

Fin Tutuola:
Why do we always get stuck looking for the needle in the haystack?

John Munch:
Takes me back to the Easter egg hunts of my youth.

Fin Tutuola:
You're Jewish, your parents hid eggs?

John Munch:
My point exactly, all those futile hours of searching.

Fin Tutuola:
Now if you were still a bright eyed little kid, what would that look like to you?

John Munch:
A death trap.

Fin Tutuola:
You're pathetic; that's the coolest fort ever.

John Munch:
You had a traumatic childhood too, huh Sherlock?

[Fin finds a knife]

Fin Tutuola:
Do you think this is sharp enough to cut a lop of hair?

John Munch:
Well if it is, you win the chocolate bunny.

Elliot Stabler:
What about that autistic kid in Milwaukee last year? Parishioners held him down, they were laying on top of him to cure him.

Olivia Benson:
That could explain the ring mark.

[walks around behind Cragen and wraps her arms around him to demonstrate]

Olivia Benson:
Someone holds Jamie, he struggles, they hold him tighter.

Capt. Donald Cragen:
[a little breathless] Until he can't breathe.

[Olivia removes her arms and walks around in front of him]

Capt. Donald Cragen:
Thank you, I enjoyed that.

Lori-Ann Dufoy:
Who do you think the jury's going to believe, me, or some delinquent?

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
When they see how you grated Megan's face, they ain't gonna believe you.

Lori-Ann Dufoy:
Megan did it to herself, she's crazy.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Yeah and Jamie smothered himself.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
Are you okay?

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
I'm cool.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
I know, but are you okay?

[last lines]

Capt. Donald Cragen:
Are you okay?

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
I'm cool.

[first lines]

Amanda Rollins:
Look, thank you so much for meeting me for lunch. I have been going stir crazy on maternity leave.

Dominick 'Sonny' Carisi, Jr.:
How's being a mom?

Amanda Rollins:
You were right. It's... it's the greatest thing ever.

George Huang:
I'm not confident with calling the suspect a serial killer.

Fin Tutuola:
How many guys she gotta whack until you're confident?

[while working on a case of a murdered "John"]

Fin Tutuola:
Cause of death was between two and four hours ago... *pre-release*.

Elliot Stabler:
Is that significant?

Fin Tutuola:
No, that's just cold.

[interrogating a victim who has killed her seven rapists]

Olivia Benson:
Sit down in the chair, Maggie.

Maggie Peterson:
Where's Elliot?

Olivia Benson:
Just us girls now. SIT. That act of yours was a whole lotta fun to watch. But you should know that it's not gonna work with me.

Maggie Peterson:
What act?

Olivia Benson:
Pretend to be a victim, you can pretend to be a whore, you can pretend to be whatever it is you wanna be. It's a joke. Maggie, you're done.

Maggie Peterson:
Where's my son?

Olivia Benson:
Oh... see, that's not gonna work either.

Maggie Peterson:
I do not believe that you are talking to me this way. I was RAPED more times than I can REMEMBER!

Olivia Benson:
Right, and your mom died, and your dad beat ya.

[Maggie nods]

Olivia Benson:
Your mom's alive. No dad on the birth certificate, you never knew him, did you? Was your mom a pro, too?

Maggie Peterson:
Where's my son? I need to see him.

Olivia Benson:
Your son? You're never gonna see that kid again. You MURDERED seven men for a HOTEL ROOM and a MANICURE!

Maggie Peterson:
They RAPED me!

Olivia Benson:
You want the whole world to think that you're a victim? Well Maggie, you're getting your wish. Because the state's gonna kill you.

[Maggie lunges at Olivia]

Alex Cabot:
[On women's rights] They've proven they have the right to die by lethal injection just like any man.

Captain Donald Cragen:
[to Elliot] We thought we'd better get you out of there before she took off ALL her clothes.

Bureau Chief Elizabeth Donnelly:
Where the hell did she get this kid?

Olivia Benson:
She kills to get what she wants, right? She wanted to be a mother.

Detective Olivia Benson:
You sat there and you watched as a man raped one of your children and then murdered the other. You might as well have killed him yourself.

Detective Olivia Benson:
You took Melanie to the hospital. you called us to see if Abraham had murdered your son, no your son was shot, along with all these other children. All those women out there might be brain washed but your not. You know exactly what he is, a murderer and a child rapist.

Cindy Cramer:
That's not true.

Detective Olivia Benson:
You knew who he was and you let this happen, you let all those children die.

Cindy Cramer:
It was god's will.

Detective Olivia Benson:
No Sarah it was your will. You can blame god and you can blame Abraham but we all know the truth. You did this, you sat there and you watched as a man raped one of your children and then murdered the other. You might as well have killed him yourself.

Detective Olivia Benson:
He has one of your children and he has your unborn grandchild.

Detective Olivia Benson:
[tosses the wallet onto the table in front of Sarah/Cindy] Recognize that? Cindy...

Sarah's Attorney:
[Sarah/Cindy looks up at Benson, startled] Her name is Sarah, Detective... Get your cases straight.

Detective Olivia Benson:
[points to the wallet] It belonged to John, your husband. The one you said abandoned you ten years ago.

[Sarah/Cindy is obviously confused. She picks up the wallet and looks at it]

Detective Olivia Benson:
This is what's left of him. He was shot in the back of the head and buried in the wall in the house where you lived.

Sarah's Attorney:
You're accusing my client of murder?

Detective Olivia Benson:
No. Just of being stupid. And gullible. You know, it's interesting how Abraham only surrounds himself with women and girls. There's no men anywhere. I wonder if he didn't like the competition.

Cindy Cramer:
[teary-eyed, shakes her head] No.

Detective Olivia Benson:
No? He killed your husband. The father of your child. What exactly does he have to do for you to stop defending him?

Cindy Cramer:
Abraham told me... that John fell in love with another woman. And I believe him.

Detective Olivia Benson:
[holds an evidence bag containing John's wedding ring in front of Sarah/Cindy] He was wearing it when he died.

[throws it onto the table; Sarah/Cindy picks it up and starts to cry]

Sarah's Attorney:
What do you want from her?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Abraham was last seen at Grand Central Station. He's going to wherever he's keeping Melanie. Now, she's gonna have her baby, he's gonna get his hands on her trust fund, and then your daughter is dead. Where are they?

Sarah's Attorney:
What are you offering?

Detective Olivia Benson:
A chance to do the right thing for Melanie. Something you've never done her entire life.

Sarah's Attorney:
That's not good enough.

Cindy Cramer:
[still clutching her husband's wedding ring] Up north. This warehouse.

[last lines]

Detective Olivia Benson:
Melanie it's ok, it's ok, it's ok, it's ok.

Melanie Cramer:
That was a lie.

Detective Olivia Benson:
What was?

Melanie Cramer:
He said he was greater than god, but nobody is.

George Huang:
What's the first thing you remember seeing after entering the house?

Elliot Stabler:
Dead bodies.

George Huang:
Can you be more specific?

Elliot Stabler:
A bunch of dead bodies.

Detective John Munch:
[trying to book several female cult members] Once again, can I have your name and any aliases?

[she refuses to answer]

Detective John Munch:
I hereby christen you Jane Doe number three.

[about a stash of child pornography found on Keith's computer]

Keith:
They're just pictures, man.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[slamming his fist on the table] They're not just "pictures"! They're underaged girls, terrified, drugged, and being photographed without their permission!

Detective John Munch:
What do child molesters talk about when they get together?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
A guy wants to store something illegal in my garage, he's either my best friend, or I'm getting something out of it.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Sometimes I bring my work home with me. I'm trying to catch a guy who goes after young girls. You know how I lock up the doors and windows?

[Maureen nods]

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Now they're coming in through here

[points to the computer]

Detective Elliot Stabler:
It's about fear. It's not about trust.

Hank Voight:
[about the case] It's a bad one

Olivia Benson:
Unfortunately we don't get too many good ones

Steve:
[Det. Stabler is roughing up a suspect with one broken arm in the interview room] Why do you got to be so rough?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Because you still have one arm to break.

Olivia Benson:
Yeah, my partner has a real anger management problem. I thought he had it under control. Apparently, I was wrong.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[looks up to Benson who had just returned as his partner after his few weeks partnered up with Danni Beck] I've had a tough couple of weeks.

Olivia Benson:
[to the suspect] Seriously. He WILL break your arm.

Olivia Benson:
[Leaving a house where the wife told Benson one version and the husband told Stabler another version] So you get an affair. I get a fairy tale.

Geneva Dworkin:
[masculine woman hitting on Benson] What's your name?

[Geneva smiles]

Olivia Benson:
Detective.

[Benson walks away]

[Benson and Stabler enter the Medical Examiner's room. She looks surprised to see Benson back]

M.E. Melinda Warner:
[to Stabler] So you are recycling old partners?

Olivia Benson:
[a bit offended] Old?

M.E. Melinda Warner:
Welcome back, Liv.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[after finding out that their suspect planted a microchip into his wife's body to see if she was cheating on him, which she was] Hmm... The guy invented a "Ho-Jack."

Det. John Munch:
[regarding death threats] That's why none of my four ex-wives ever made good on their threats. There's nothing to inherit.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Except your Warren Commission memorabilia.

[last lines]

Olivia Benson:
Love's a b*tch.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Tell me about it.

Olivia Benson:
You know, we've been partners all these years. I don't even know your blood type.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
A-postiive.

Olivia Benson:
How 'bout that? Me too.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[both enter elevator and turn and face door looking forward in thought] I'd give you a kidney.

Olivia Benson:
Not if I gave you mine first.

[elevator doors close]

Capt. Donald Cragen:
[to Elliot] You're not my type.

[Stabler laughs]

Det. John Munch:
Technology's made it so much easier to spy on people, family, even strangers.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Not everybody's a snoop.

Det. John Munch:
No? Do you use Spyware to find out what sites your kids visit online? Do you?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
My kids don't go online unless I know where they're going.

Det. John Munch:
Exactly, you call it being a concerned parent, I call it Big Brother.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
You're out of line, Casey.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
What's your excuse?

Olivia Benson:
Are you through with the character assassination?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
You like to play with needles? You should learn to sterilize them.

Glenn Cheales:
What's wrong with her?

Olivia Benson:
She's septic. Now start talking.

Glenn Cheales:
You don't understand, she has a liver condition.

Olivia Benson:
We know all about it, now talk.

Naomi Cheales:
How long has this chip been in my shoulder?

Glenn Cheales:
3 weeks. One night before bed, I drugged your tea and injected you.

Naomi Cheales:
Why did you do it?

Glenn Cheales:
I thought you were cheating on me. I was right.

Naomi Cheales:
[septic and dying from a dirty needle] Are you happy now?

M.E. Melinda Warner:
So, you're working this alone?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Yeah

M.E. Melinda Warner:
Where's detective Beck?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Eh, Dani is went back to warrents

M.E. Melinda Warner:
You're getting another new partner?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
No, they've run out

Odafin Tutuola:
[interrupting a college class to remove a suspect] Sorry for interrupting. Stay in school.

ADA Casey Novak:
Adam isn't addicted to gambling. He's addicted to you.

Gloria Kulhane:
Is that so hard to believe?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
They don't allow diamond rings in prison.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Kathleen. What are you doing here? Is everything all right?

Kathleen Stabler:
I need to talk to you.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
A couple of days ago, you were never gonna speak to me again.

Olivia Benson:
He smells expensive

Capt. Donald Cragen:
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you to smell the defendant.

Olivia Benson:
Jane, you did the one thing you're supposed to do when somebody threatens you; survive.

Kenneth Clearly:
Is this how you like it?

Kenneth Cleary:
[alleged rapist, taunting Detective Stabler] Let me ask you something, one hungry man to another; is there anything better than gorging on a fresh caught meal?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[grabbing him by the tie] You won't be eating out anymore.

Kenneth Cleary:
[to Munch and Fin outside a train station] What's the agenda here, gentlemen? You trying to make me crazy?

Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola:
Hell, no. Way too late for that!

Kenneth Cleary:
And you are?

Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola:
The knot... in the pit of your stomach.

Harper Anderson:
[lawyer defending a rapist] You're going to burn in hell.

Rothberg:
[smiling] I'm Jewish, Miss Anderson! There *is* no hell.

Detective Olivia Benson:
[Benson and Stabler interview a newsstand owner who saw the woman who anonymously reported a rape in progress from a payphone] Could you describe her to a police sketch artist?

George:
I didn't get a look at her face, I was too busy trying to get Ginger into the car.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Do you remember what she was wearing?

George:
Oh yeah, a black sweater, and black slacks, and thong panties.

Detective Olivia Benson:
You didn't get a look at her face, but you know she was wearing thong panties?

George:
I saw the pantie-line. She had a nice ass - which was more interesting to me then her face.

George:
[Benson and Stabler both throw him a "give me a break" look] I'm an *ass* man! I don't apologize for it.

Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola:
Street justice is always bloody.

Kenneth Cleary:
Is this how you like it?

[after listening to the 911 call]

Detective Olivia Benson:
So, maybe two witnesses.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Three, if you count the dog.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Go slow on this one, if Cleary knows we're onto him we'll lose him again.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
We can't go too slow or he'll rape again.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Go slow as fast as you can!

Captain Donald Cragen:
We did everything we could, we didn't have enough to hold him, we had to let him go, that's not our fault.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[about Cleary's latest rape victim] You want to tell *her* that?

Harper Anderson:
You peg me as this Velma Vigilante just waiting to stalk Cleary down in a dark alley and blow him away. Well I'm not interested in revenge... I don't even care about justice anymore.

Detective Olivia Benson:
So why are you following him?

Harper Anderson:
Because he's the last thing I'm afraid of, if I can get over that, I can handle anything.

Dr. George Huang:
Katie, what's this? [grabs his ear]

Katie Tolliver:
Ear.

Dr. George Huang:
And this? [raises his hand]

Katie Tolliver:
Hand.

Dr. George Huang:
[points to his chest] And this?

Katie Tolliver:
[laugh] Boob!

Dr. George Huang:
[smiles] Very good, you know all your body parts.

Dr. George Huang:
Alex, will you stand up? [she does] Katie, can you show me where Danny touches you?

Katie Tolliver:
[stands up and grabs Alex's hand] Here.

Dr. George Huang:
And where else?

Katie Tolliver:
[points at Alex's mouth] We kiss.

Katie Tolliver:
[Rebecca is taking Katie to have an abortion] Is it going to hurt?

Rebecca Tolliver:
No.

Nurse:
No, you'll be asleep.

Katie Tolliver:
[laughs] Mommy says I snore.

Katie Tolliver:
[overhears her mother's plan to abort her baby] Mommy, why can't I have my baby?

Rebecca Tolliver:
Because I can't raise both of you!

Katie Tolliver:
Mommy, please don't take my baby away.

[last lines]

Lisa Deering:
[enters the Squad room wearing "domestic violence" bruising on eyes, cheeks, lips, arms; fighting tears] I love my husband, Detective.

Sergeant John Munch:
I know you do, Lisa.

Lisa Deering:
And I don't wanna be here... I don't wanna do this, but I don't want to die!

Sergeant John Munch:
It's good to hear. Have a seat.

Sergeant John Munch:
[fading out] It's good that you came in, okay? It's the right thing, for you, and your husband, and your family...

Detective Olivia Benson:
Can't we get him help now? He clearly doesn't want to do anything.

Captain Donald Cragen:
The only programs are for registered sex offenders.

Detective Olivia Benson:
So he comes to us for help and we can't do anything until he rapes a kid?

Jake Berlin:
He tried to kill me!

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
A little plastic, a few shovels, sounds like a good idea to me.

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Sweet meat, that's what they're going to call you when they reach for you in the dark.

Sergeant John Munch:
Captain, we have a major problem. [shows picture of a young girl]

Captain Donald Cragen:
This one of the kids off the site?

Sergeant John Munch:
Yeah, I didn't recognize her at first.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Who is it?

Sergeant John Munch:
Stabler's daughter, Elizabeth. She's 15 now.

Captain Donald Cragen:
He see this?

Sergeant John Munch:
Yeah, then he suddenly had an errand to run.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You're an office manager. You were fired from being a scientist.

Detective John Munch:
[finding a lead] From now on, I want to be known as the intrepid Detective Munch.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Not the word I would have chosen.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[about a rape victim who called him before her murder] All she said was she wanted her life back.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
She didn't want to be a victim anymore.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[pause] Who does?

[last lines]

Dr. Brett Morton:
There's one difference. Jake would've killed again, I won't.

[a date-rape victim]

Kelly D'Leah:
What if I'm pregnant?

Olivia Benson:
I'm probably not the best person to ask.

Harry the Vagrant:
You sons of b*tches. You said I wouldn't have to take a needle.

Det. John Munch:
Yeah well, we lied.

Fin Tutuola:
A lapdance is a pretty strong signal.

Capt. Donald Cragen:
Only one reason to give someone the date rape drug.

Det. John Munch:
If I arrest you for obstructing justice, is the university going to pay your bail?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Sometimes the thought of Maureen in college scares the hell out of me.

Olivia Benson:
I can see why it would.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
It used to be college was all about BAs and PhDs.

Olivia Benson:
Now it's roofies and GHB.

Dr. Audrey Jackson:
[watching Benson & Stabler questioning a rape suspect] He feels guilty about something.

Capt. Donald Cragen:
Maybe he's Catholic. He'd feel guilty about everything.

[Olivia is investigating the case of a man who rapes women on the subway. Nick is reporting the case. They're kissing in her apartment]

Nick Ganzner:
Let's pretend.

Olivia Benson:
[smiling] Pretend what?

Nick Ganzner:
That I'm the guy on the subway.

Olivia Benson:
[stops smiling] OK, stop it.

Nick Ganzner:
Just for fun.

Olivia Benson:
No, no. No, really, stop it.

Nick Ganzner:
What would you do?

Olivia Benson:
[pushes him away] Oh my God. Wow.

[heads for bathroom]

Olivia Benson:
I'm gonna go wash my face, and my hands, and my mouth, and, uh, there's the door. Make sure you're out when I get out of here. *Gone.*

[slams door]

[the case of a sexually abused girl is getting on Detective Stabler's nerves]

Detective Olivia Benson:
You know, running away's not gonna help.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
I'm a little beat for the dime store shrink routine right now.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Elliot, that little girl is counting on you. You quit on her, and you're just another man she can't trust. That's not who you are.

[during a search of a suspected child molestor's house]

Julie Dobbins:
My husband would die before he hurt a child. He was never alone with any of those girls, I was here...

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You were right here and you didn't do a damn thing about it? It was happening right under your roof, and you're telling me what a great guy your husband is? Lady, you're as sick as he is!

Detective Olivia Benson:
[after a uniformed Officer informs Elliot that they still haven't found 'the package'] What package?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Ah, Mr. Gorman's. His penis and testicles were cut off. And they're still missing.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Maybe Mr. Gorman didn't 'want' to be a man anymore?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You think he 'wanted' his Johnson wacked off?

Captain Donald Cragen:
So either Gorman was snipped by a homeless guy, or had a voluntary penectomy. [pause] Not a word I get to use everyday.

Alexandra Cabot:
I need you to authorize this deal.

Don Newvine:
Counselor, I am a public servant. And the public at large does not want this... boil on the butt of humanity living to a ripe old age.

Alexandra Cabot:
Charlie, think of the mother.

Don Newvine:
I am. And I'm sure that she'd want to see him die.

Alexandra Cabot:
Maybe, but she probably wants to know what happened to her daughter, also.

Don Newvine:
And what about the mothers of all his other victims? They want him dead. The city wants him dead. Even protesters against the death penalty want to see this guy dead.

Alexandra Cabot:
You don't know all of the other mothers want him dead.

Don Newvine:
Of course, they do.

Dickie Stabler:
[Getting pudding for him and Elizabeth from Munch for their birthday] It's fuzzy and black.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
It *is* fuzzy and black.

[Cragen comes out of a bathroom stall to find all the detectives waiting for him]

Capt. Donald Cragen:
I'm not tipping *all* of you.

Elliot Stabler:
Pick up the phone.

John Munch:
The wacko on line 1 or the psychotic on line 2?

[Benson and Stabler are going to a party store to try to find a suspect]

Elliot Stabler:
While we're there, remind me to get party tape for the twins' birthday party. I don't want to have to use crime scene tape.

John Munch:
I guess I could run a needle in a haystack through the DMV under "H"

Fin Tutuola:
Or a "B"

John Munch:
Or a "B"

[the squad has been working for twenty-four hours straight]

Olivia Benson:
I've read the same paragraph five times and I still have no idea what it says.

John Munch:
[Fin starts to put eye drops in his eyes] Can I have some?

Fin Tutuola:
No.

John Munch:
Please?

Fin Tutuola:
No.

John Munch:
Come on!

Fin Tutuola:
Can't share eye drops, that's how you get pinkeye.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Just give him the eye drops.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[snapping at each other] You always do this, Munch! You always put a lid back on an empty can.

John Munch:
That's how I am.

Fin Tutuola:
Alright. Nice dress.

Olivia Benson:
Yeah, well, it was a nice date. Where's Munch?

Fin Tutuola:
He rang in sick.

Olivia Benson:
He's such a hypochondriac. How many times has he had anthrax this week?

[Munch walks by on crutches]

Fin Tutuola:
I can't wait to hear this.

John Munch:
Your sympathy is overwhelming.

Olivia Benson:
What happened to you?

John Munch:
Skydiving, hard landing.

Elliot Stabler:
He wiped out riding his friend's Harley.

Capt. Donald Cragen:
Now the only thing he'll be riding is a desk.

Olivia Benson:
Were you a car thief in a former life?

Fin Tutuola:
No baby, Boy Scout - always prepared.

Fin Tutuola:
Who's side are you on?

Olivia Benson:
The victim's. Which is where we should be.

Fin Tutuola:
You don't know someone, 'til you work with them.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
[at a strip club] I'm confused about the naked fashion shows, if they don't have any clothes on...

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
Find out if he has any female victims.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
[to Rollins] Back to Hunk Night.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
The only thing worse than he said/she said is he said/he said.

Detective Olivia Benson:
You're going to claim that a gay man married to another gay man hates gays?

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
Watch me.

Dominick 'Sonny' Carisi, Jr.:
Hey, you up for a flight?

Amanda Rollins:
No, not really.

Dominick 'Sonny' Carisi, Jr.:
Tough luck, our plane leaves in 40 minutes.

Olivia Benson:
Deputy commissioner Abraham! Which one of my detectives did what now?

Hank Abraham:
Don't be so cynical, sergeant!

Jimmy MacArthur:
Sergeant! The mountain really does come to Mohammed.

Amanda Rollins:
You're sure?

Dr. Melinda Warner:
You realize you'd ask me that every time!

Amanda Rollins:
No, I don't

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Yes you do!

Dr. Melinda Warner:
Yes, I am sure!

Janelle Hahn:
Wait, guys! Please stop! You can't go in there!

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Well, we will take our shoes off!

Kim Garnet:
Who are you?

Kathleen Stabler:
Kathleen. I'm a friend of Olivia's. I was sitting in here a couple of months ago.

Kim Garnet:
She put you in jail too?

Kathleen Stabler:
Yeah! And my dad's Detective Stabler.

Kim Garnet:
How could you do that to your partners kid?

Kathleen Stabler:
I'm glad she did. Helped me stop hating my self.

Kim Garnet:
What makes you think I hate my self?

Kathleen Stabler:
Because I was a lot like you. I let boys use me, have sex with me, even hit me. Kim, I was too scared and too ashamed to say anything. Things got so bad, I went to jail. But I finally let someone help me. Same person's trying to help you.

Kim Garnet:
I don't know what to do? I love him How can I betray him?

Kathleen Stabler:
He's betraying you everytime he hits you. Afterwards, he says he's sorry, he'll never do it again, so you forgive him but he hits you again, he makes you feel like you're nothing, like he's the only one who will ever love you and then he hits you some more and says that you deserve it, doesn't he?

Kim Garnet:
The first time, we were at a party, I spilled punch on him and he slapped me in the face for messing up his new shirt and then it was after school for talking to another boy and it was just for no reason at all.

Kathleen Stabler:
Kim, If someone really loves you, they'd never hurt you, they'd treat you with respect. Please let them help you.

Captain Donald Cragen:
It's not private when these begin sexting. College admissions officers, future employers even their own children might see these pictures one day. They don't realize the consequences of their actions.

Missy Kurtz:
You can't kill me. I'm already dead.

[Rollins has filed an order of protection against her sister's abusive ex-boyfriend]

Jeff Parker:
Amanda can't keep me from my baby.

Detective Olivia Benson:
You want us to bring you in right now?

[Jeff stays silent]

Detective Olivia Benson:
I didn't think so.

Dominick 'Sonny' Carisi, Jr.:
Who wants to call the sergeant?

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
[points to Sonny] The new guy!

Dominick 'Sonny' Carisi, Jr.:
Still?

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
That went well!

Olivia Benson:
For who?

Dominick 'Sonny' Carisi, Jr.:
Well, you know 1PP, right? That extra P is for Politics

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
Do not leak this to the press!

Olivia Benson:
We all know that there are more victims out there. Each one of them thinks that they're the only one, nobody will believe them. As soon as that they find out that it happens to others, they'll come forward

Dominick 'Sonny' Carisi, Jr.:
Throw a rock, watch the ripples

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
I am not hearing any of this!

Rafael Barba:
What are you gonna be doing when you're 85?

Olivia Benson:
Squabbling with you?

Rafael Barba:
Wouldn't that be nice?

Detective John Munch:
[finds the father dead and the house empty] Where's the rest of the Addams Family?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
MIA.

Detective John Munch:
You have the right to an attorney, and if you want my advice, don't take one on your stepmother's payroll.

Attorney Schaefer:
Mr. Fuller has been very cooperative with you, so unless you plan on arresting him, we're leaving.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Kyle Fuller, stand up.

Kyle Fuller:
What for?

Detective John Munch:
Because we're planning on arresting you.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
I don't touch children. I protect them.

Sergeant John Munch:
[after they put the perp in the back of the squad car, Munch looks at Fin and asks] Did he just threaten my hypothetical sister?

Captain Donald Cragen:
Do you need a remedial English course, Elliot? How do I make you understand the words "Stay away from Hunter Mazelon"?

[Claire Rinato wakes up in a hospital bed and sees Detective Fin Tutuola reading a paper at her bedside after him saving her from a drug over dose]

Fin Tutuola:
Trying to take the easy way out?

Claire Rinato:
And if I was?

Fin Tutuola:
Then it's too bad I got there in time.

Claire Rinato:
I really didn't mean to overdo it. Really.

Fin Tutuola:
That's what all Junkies say.

Claire Rinato:
You've done your good deed, now you can go.

[Fin looks up from his paper]

Fin Tutuola:
Maybe you don't get it, you're in serious trouble, if you don't pay attention you're going to prison.

Claire Rinato:
Are you still here?

[Fin looks back down at his paper]

Fin Tutuola:
I really can't believe, you know I almost bought it. How you took care of your sister and loved her. Damn girl, you're better than the soaps.

Claire Rinato:
You have no idea what it feels like to have a mother that doesn't give a damn about you.

Fin Tutuola:
Violins gonna start any minute.

Claire Rinato:
Screw you. Lisa was all I had. She was actually happy to see me come through the door. Unconditional love is a rush.

[Fin puts the paper away and comes to closer to the bed]

Fin Tutuola:
Give it to me straight. You kill her?

Claire Rinato:
No, but I couldn't protect her. Grace was too strong. She told me, that if I didn't keep my mouth shut, I was next.

Fin Tutuola:
You tell anybody?

Claire Rinato:
I called my grandmother the first time I was alone, but she was recovering from another stroke and I guess she didn't believe me.

Fin Tutuola:
If that's how it went down, then it wasn't your fault.

Claire Rinato:
That little girl trusted me to keep her safe. How is it not my fault?

[Claire walks out of the station after being released and sees Fin on the street holding a package]

Claire Rinato:
How's my grandmother?

Fin Tutuola:
She's holding her own. Won't be able to see her till tomorrow.

[Claire sees the package he's holding]

Claire Rinato:
What's that?

[Fin gives it to her and she opens it]

Fin Tutuola:
Your last excuse not to go to rehab.

[It's the computer-generated picture of her sister Lisa]

Fin Tutuola:
No more lame-ass wining about how you gotta get high to remember what your sister looked like.

Claire Rinato:
I would hug you, but I can tell you don't like to be touched.

[Fin gives her a card with a name of a place on it]

Fin Tutuola:
This is a good place to go to start getting clean. A friend of mine runs it and I told him to expect you.

Claire Rinato:
Okay

Fin Tutuola:
Don't make me have to come run your ass down, Claire.

[Claire can't help it and hugs Fin]

Claire Rinato:
Thanks

[Fin slowly starts to hug her back as he closes his eyes]

Claire Rinato:
What kind of a name is 'Fin'?

Fin Tutuola:
It's mine.

ADA Alexandra Cabot:
[on why the defendant should not be released on bail] Your Honor, the defendant murdered a child. She violently beat a two-year-old child to death and shows no remorse.

Judge Lena Petrovsky:
Do you plan on trying your case here, Ms. Cabot?

ADA Alexandra Cabot:
No, I'm just using rhetoric to prove my point.

Judge Lena Petrovsky:
One of your more endearing qualities.

Claire Rinato:
[to Fin] You look like a pimp, all you need is a feather hat and a crushed velvet suit.

Detective Olivia Benson:
[Arresting Rose, Elliot cuffs her] Do we need the cuffs?

Rose Rinato:
I am responsible for the deaths of two innocent children, I think handcuffs are appropriate.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Grace had three kids and two of them are dead, I don't like those odds.

Rose Rinato:
Deep down I knew you'd kill again, the only reason you didn't get to Claire is because I took her.

Rose Rinato:
Grace, I'm TIRED of the guilt! I'm TIRED of cleaning up your mess! I'm TIRED OF YOU! You SUCK the LIFE out of EVERYTHING you touch! But I won't let you get Claire!

Grace Rinato:
What the HELL is so SPECIAL about HER?

Rose Rinato:
[long pause, glares at Grace] She never killed anybody, Grace.

April Troost:
You have a sick imagination.

Olivia Benson:
On my best day I couldn't make this stuff up.

Dr. George Huang:
Why should you get a break?

April Troost:
I'm too beautiful for prison.

[a rape suspect claims that the victim's baby isn't his]

Olivia Benson:
Immaculate conception's not gonna hold up in court, so why don't you try again?

Chauncey Zeirko:
Do you really want to put that poor woman through any more pain?

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
What are you offering?

Chauncey Zeirko:
Probation, no jail time, you and I take the rest of the afternoon off.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
I'd rather work.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
This is all that survived the fire.

Olivia Benson:
Not very much.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
Fire marshal says an accelerant was used, probably gasoline, to enhance the burn.

Elliot Stabler:
Smart guy. Wanted to make sure we didn't find a body.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
I didn't.

Olivia Benson:
You mean it was incinerated?

Dr. Melinda Warner:
No, I mean there wasn't one in that car. Body burns, you always find something.

Elliot Stabler:
You walked through this city carrying $500,000 and just handed it over to her?

Barclay Pallister:
Yeah.

Olivia Benson:
Then why did she leave crying?

Barclay Pallister:
Because she's crazy. I was happy to pay her just to get her out of my life. She left with the money and I never saw her again.

Elliot Stabler:
The problem is neither has anyone else.

Chauncey Zeirko:
We're through here. Charge my client or leave.

Elliot Stabler:
[turning to leave] By the way, your cleanup job at the apartment sucked. You should have let April burn up in that car. You've made an awful lot of mistakes, and I promise they're gonna catch up to you.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
The only explanation is a technique called electro ejaculation.

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
I don't like the sound of that.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
[showing them a machine] Nothing to it. Insert this end in the rectum, an electric shock causes an involuntary ejaculation.

John Munch:
Love used to be simpler.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
The first procedure was done back in the '70s on a teenager who died in a motorcycle accident. His parents wanted grandchildren. It's called posthumous reproduction.

John Munch:
The sperm from a corpse is viable?

Dr. Melinda Warner:
If harvested within thirty hours.

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Will this thing work if the guy's not dead?

Dr. Melinda Warner:
They've recently started using this technique on paraplegics and coma victims. If your guys were drugged, they never knew it happened.

April Troost:
You were my friend. You were supposed to protect me.

Olivia Benson:
When you were a rape victim, not a rapist. You sexually assaulted three dozen men.

April Troost:
Really? Did they tell you I assaulted them?

Olivia Benson:
We've got you on extortion and fraud. Not to mention ripping off childless couples. And extorting half a million dollars from Barclay Pallister.

April Troost:
It was a settlement. There's nothing illegal about being paid for my pain and suffering.

Olivia Benson:
Faking your own murder for the insurance money is. Gotta hand it to you, smearing your own blood on the walls? That was good.

Olivia Benson:
You're only charging April with fraud and extortion? She's a walking crime spree.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
My hands are tied. The three dozen of her victims don't even have a memory of being raped.

Olivia Benson:
What about the baby?

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
No hospitals in the tri-state area even have a record that she delivered one.

Olivia Benson:
Casey, trust me, she did. And then she sold it or she drowned it or who knows. But that evil b*tch did something terrible with that baby.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
You know, for all we know, it really was stillborn, and that's not a crime.

Olivia Benson:
No, it's a con! April has been scamming us since day one. She never had any intention of jumping off that ledge.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
She played you, so now you're pissed.

Olivia Benson:
Yes, I'm pissed. But we still have to find that baby. Not to mention ruining Barclay Pallister's life.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
That's not our fault. That's April's.

Olivia Benson:
And knowing her, she will find someone else to blame.

Dr. George Huang:
Do you find tricking people amusing?

April Troost:
Absolutely. Mother always said if you're too stupid to see the wool being pulled over your eyes, you deserve what you get.

Captain Donald Cragen:
How's the baby?

Olivia Benson:
Sarah's fine. Not that April or her mother give a damn. I bet you they're in a bar right now laughing at us.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Let it go.

Olivia Benson:
I can't. They scammed everyone, and we just let them walk.

Captain Donald Cragen:
We got the baby.

Olivia Benson:
I know. But we haven't seen the last of them. They will never stop playing their sick games.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Liv, you gotta stop beating yourself up. The baby matters more. Now she'll be loved.

Olivia Benson:
You've got an answer for everything, don't you. I'm not buying your "loving father" act. Tommy's terrified of you.

Dan Hoffman:
My son is everything to me, I would die for my son.

Olivia Benson:
Tommy almost died for you. You killed Jill and then you left him alone in that apartment. And had firefighters not responded so fast, you'd be burying him along with your dead wife.

Dan Hoffman:
You wouldn't dare talk to me like that if you didn't have that badge and gun.

ADA Alexandra Cabot:
Well, he wouldn't be a single parent if he hadn't killed his wife.

Dominick 'Sonny' Carisi, Jr.:
Rape advocate, I don't even get what that's supposed to be. There's no such thing as burglary advocate or carjacking advocate.

Amanda Rollins:
Okay, but when was the last time they asked a carjacking victim, 'Are you sure you didn't WANT your car to get stolen?'

Olivia Benson:
[to Noah, after hearing about a rape epidemic at Hudson University] Okay, just so you know, you are never going to Hudson.

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
[Seeing Sunny scrutinizing a Bible] Found God?

Detective Sunny Qadri:
Didn't know he was lost!

Det. Monique Jefferies:
Wow, 4.7 million in one year.

Det. Brian Cassidy:
That's pretty good for a fledgling charity.

Det. Olivia Benson:
Fledgling - I'm impressed.

Det. Brian Cassidy:
Yeah, that's right, I'm a real dope, aren't I? You know what I did last night? I looked it up and I memorized it just so I can impress you.

Brian Cassidy:
[drinks, pauses; talks about a case that haunts him] There was this guy in the hood that she liked, this guy named Vince. She went down to Coney Island to, uh, to see him. You know that whole 'under the boardwalk, down by the sea' thing? After Vince... did her... his whole set wolf-packed her. Seven, eight guys... she's not sure. Which is bad enough, Captain, but it just gets worse. They left her there, uh, by herself, in the cold, wrapped up in a beach towel. It was after dark, you know, and she couldn't walk. She just sat there in what was left of her... clothes, and this guy comes along and asks her if she needs some help, and she says, "Yes, please... thank you." And this guy... this, uh... this Good Samaritan, he, uh... he...

Detective John Munch:
I want you to seal this crime scene tighter than an accountant's ass.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[a murder victim was shot in both the groin and the head] If it was a hit, he would have only been shot in one head.

Gina Silver:
I didn't have sex with the judge to get my husband out. I did it to keep him in.

John Munch:
Hello and welcome to Parole Phone. If you're paying with sex, press 1. If you want to make a donation to a phony charity, press 2.

Zara Amaro:
Daddy, how do I get on "American Diva"?

Detective Nick Amaro:
The same way you get to Carnegie Hall: practice.

Zara Amaro:
What? You're weird, daddy.

Josh:
[walking with woman at night] If the cab driver went the way I told him to, we wouldn't have gotten stuck in traffic.

Woman:
[slightly out of breath] We should have taken the subway [they begin ascending steps]

Josh:
Body slamming my way onto the number nine and with the great unwashed? No, thanks!

Woman:
You're a snob. [rings bell and sighs] We're so late, I'm sure they started dinner without us. [rings bell again]

Josh:
Come on, guys!

Woman:
Take it easy, Josh. I'm sure they're in the back by the dining room. [silence, then she tries the door] There. Open. [she shivers as they enter the building]

Josh:
Evan!

Woman:
[apologetic] Sorry we're late! [they see the bodies; woman drops the present]

Josh:
Oh, my God.

Woman:
[horrified] Ohhhh!

Detective Dave Duethorn:
Yo, Lucates. Take this couple up to Homicide and have Kroling get their statements, alright?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[walking from behind] Detective Dave Duethorn. Missed dinner with my wife and kids; this better be good. [they begin walking to the home]

Detective Dave Duethorn:
Two naked women; fluids everywhere; both raped and shot in the head.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
That's our bread and butter.

Detective Dave Duethorn:
So, I guess the two head-shot naked guys with them are nothing special, right? [they enter and Stabler looks back at Fin as a response to Duethorn's statement]

Detective Dave Duethorn:
What do y'think?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Looks like the party from hell.

Detective Dave Duethorn:
Dinner party, to be exact.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
With an orgy for dessert.

Detective Dave Duethorn:
Except they never made it to the appetizer. [points] Dining room table's still set. And check that out.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[reads] "Happy Engagement; share wonderful lives together." There's no signature; who's the unlucky couple here?

Detective Dave Duethorn:
Evan Briggs and his fiancee Melissa Ziman. Other two are Dean McCarren and Regina Valerio. The couple who found them made the IDs. Evan and Melissa invited some grad school friends over to celebrate.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Not the type of evening you expect to turn into a sexual free-for-all.

Detective Dave Duethorn:
I'm thinkin' home invasion. [walks further into house as he talks] Doorbell rings, victim opens door, wacko busts in and robs 'em.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
You got four victims. Got to be at least two perps.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
What did they take?

Dr. Melinda Warner:
All the victims' jewelry. Marks on the men's wrists indicate they wore watches. The women wore necklaces.

Detective Dave Duethorn:
Their wallets and IDs are also gone, along with Ms. Ziman's two-and-a-half carat engagement ring. The couple who found them told me she got it last week. Oh, and there's something else, right, Doc?

Dr. Melinda Warner:
[bent down by a body] Both men were beaten, probably with the business end of an automatic.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Something must have set them off.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Pummeled the men and raped the women.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
Not just the women.

Detective Dave Duethorn:
Excuse me?

Dr. Melinda Warner:
[turns to look at Duethorn] The men were raped, too. [turns back to the downturned body]

Olivia Benson:
What happened between you and Kathy?

Elliot Stabler:
[shrugs] Uhh, the job. Makes me kind of hard to live with.

Olivia Benson:
She should try working with you.

Sergeant Olivia Benson:
You're smiling, Barba. Why is that freaking me out?

Sergeant Olivia Benson:
How about dinner tonight?

Brian Cassidy:
Fine, our usual place?

Sergeant Olivia Benson:
Why not we try that new bistro? Something different! [Leaves]

Brian Cassidy:
[Mumbles to himself] What's wrong with our place?

Gary Aschler:
[opens the door] Sorry, I have enough magazines already from Jezus

Nick Amaro:
[shows his badge] Good, you might need them!

Tammy Dobbs:
I wish I'd known you would be coming I would have straightened up. Sorry, it's not fancy, but disability doesn't cover what it used to. It's so nice to have company again

Nick Amaro:
We are not company ma'am, we are here as part of an investigation

Detective Amanda Rollins:
If Gia was raped, it's going to be hard as hell to make anyone to believe her.

Detective Olivia Benson:
And that makes her the perfect target.

Sergeant John Munch:
I don't think this guy premeditates, let alone thinks, we have a description, go back to Laguardia, find the girl.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Gia, a gun is not the answer.

Gia Eskas:
Says a woman who wears one on her hip.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Yeah and I've had a lot of trouble. I've been stabbed, I've been assaulted, and my gun didn't save me.

Detective Amanda Rollins:
You said you were assaulted? Something happened to me on the job, that's why I had to get out of there.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Someone you work with?

Detective Amanda Rollins:
It wasn't anything worth pursuing.

Detective Olivia Benson:
That's how they win. We're not going to let that happen to Gia.

Det. John Munch:
Will you ever have dinner with me?

M.E. Elizabeth Rodgers:
Not while I can still feed myself.

Detective Olivia Benson:
The crime scene is a big grope spot.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Romantic. Teenagers, honeymooners...

[glances at Olivia]

Detective Elliot Stabler:
...co-workers.

Captain Donald Cragen:
So where's this guy's love interest?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Uh... we're running down the prints.

Det. John Munch:
Maybe he was alone.

Detective Olivia Benson:
[sarcastic] Well, maybe his pants came off from the force of the shot.

Det. John Munch:
All I'm saying is he could have been having safe sex with himself.

Det. John Munch:
One minute you're getting your doorknob polished, the next you're sweet talking St. Peter.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Those are not wagon trains circled around Stephanie. Those were tanks.

Det. John Munch:
Vanity, my name is woman.

Detective Monique Jefferies:
It's frailty, not vanity, you misogynist.

Detective Monique Jefferies:
He was shot with a Black Talon?

Det. John Munch:
Cop killers. They haven't been made since 1994.

Detective Monique Jefferies:
Yeah, because they killed too many cops.

Det. John Munch:
Nah, the real reason was, it was instantly recognizable. Bullet makers want anonymity. If you can't prove where the bullet was made, you can't sue the manufacturer. Where would we be without lawyers?

Jack McCoy:
[Referring to investigating the Mulroneys] I hope we're right on this.

Captain Donald Cragen:
I heard Logan's learning to love Staten Island.

Det. John Munch:
[yelling] You're enjoying this, these little guys trying to sweet-talk you into giving us a little crumb of information.

Arthur Pruitt:
Oh yeah, yeah, it's the high point of my life.

Det. John Munch:
Better than shooting those people in cold blood, you little reptilian geek?

Arthur Pruitt:
Oh, it's bad cops now?

Det. John Munch:
[yelling] You bet your ass.

Detective Monique Jefferies:
John, easy.

Det. John Munch:
[still in a loud tone] You did it, you piece of crap. I know it, you know it.

Det. John Munch, Detective Monique Jefferies:
Seriously, come on.

Det. John Munch:
No, I'm going to kill this guy myself.

Arthur Pruitt:
[to Jeffries] Call him off, call him off.

Det. John Munch:
I'm gonna Mike Tyson you, you bastard!

Arthur Pruitt:
Come on. Is this legal?

Detective Monique Jefferies:
Probably not.

Det. John Munch:
[whispering] I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna kill you.

Lee Healy:
It's not your fault.

Sheila Baxter:
Yes it is, I raised a son with no heart.

Jeremy:
We were just kids, alright? We were just fooling around.

Detective Olivia Benson:
With 10 years of someone else's life.

Detective Olivia Benson:
It's not going to work out between us.

Deputy Marshal Andy Eckerson:
Why not?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Because I have enough insanity in my life. I need stability.

John Munch:
That explains his pugnacious personality.

[Having an argument with the defense attorney]

Morty Berger:
I told Cheryl about your deal. But she wants to go to trial.

ADA Alexandra Cabot:
She does or you do?

Morty Berger:
Do you know why I became a lawyer, Alex?

ADA Alexandra Cabot:
Uh, to see your face on TV?

Olivia Benson:
You know the only one that came to support Cheryl was her sister?

Elliot Stabler:
And you.

Olivia Benson:
Yeah. But I'm not family.

[Benson catches a fleeing suspect]

Det. Olivia Benson:
What's your name?

Suspect:
Screw you!

Det. Olivia Benson:
Screw You, you're under arrest for attempted rape until we nail you for the other eleven.

Steve Abruzzo:
Teaching's my life. I would never do anything to hurt these girls.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
I hope you're right.

Detective Lucius Blaine:
[after having a fight with Stabler] Sorry about your shirt.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Sorry about your face.

Captain Donald Cragen:
You know why I put Blaine with you?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Cause you started drinking again?

Captain Donald Cragen:
[as Elliot is walking out of the interrogation room] He say anything?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Yeah, get me a soda

Captain Donald Cragen:
[about the 260 pound teenager] He needs to ease up on the soda

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
Are we going to hear about every meal the defendant ate?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
What happened?

Detective Lucius Blaine:
They took him to the hospital, had to cut off one of his feet. I guess a murder conviction doesn't mean much when you're already facing a death sentence.

Captain Donald Cragen:
You're a good cop. But God knows how Olivia put up with you for so long.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[cynically] Yeah well, Olivia's a saint.

Detective Lucius Blaine:
We're looking for a 240 pound teenaged girl?

M.E. Melinda Warner:
[to Olivia about Elliot] Sometimes all that brooding intensity is just annoying.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
I'm calling for backup.

Det. Olivia Benson:
Tell them we can't wait.

Det. Olivia Benson:
Shut up, Elliot!

Elliot Stabler:
If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it... I know you would have taken that shot, Olivia.

Olivia Benson:
No, I wouldn't have. Did you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death? What about your kids?

Elliot Stabler:
I don't know. I just couldn't get that boy out of my head.

Olivia Benson:
[softly] What about me?

Elliot Stabler:
Look, we both chose each other over the job. We can never let that happen again. Otherwise... we can't be partners.

Olivia Benson:
I can't believe you're saying that.

Elliot Stabler:
Look, you and this job are about the only things that I've got got anymore. I don't want to wreck that. I couldn't take it. [walks away]

Det. Elliot Stabler:
We can't be partners.

Olivia Benson:
I can't believe you're saying that.

Elliot Stabler:
[after Olivia was stabbed by Gitano, and Elliot ran to her,instead of going after Gitano] Olivia! Oh my god, no! [Dropping to her side]

Olivia Benson:
It's okay, I'm okay. Where's Gitano? Go Elliot, go, I'm fine. Go!

George Huang:
[Elliot went to see Huang after feeling guilty because he went to save Olivia instead of going after Gitano. Gitano ended up killing a boy that Elliot could have saved] In situations like this there is no good choice. Every choice becomes a sacrifice.

Elliot Stabler:
Not true.

George Huang:
You had to choose between saving the little boy or saving Olivia

Elliot Stabler:
Yeah, but she didn't need me.

George Huang:
You didn't know that.

Elliot Stabler:
[Long pause. Elliot was deep in thought] I wish I didn't...

George Huang:
Didn't what... didn't care so much? Elliot that's what makes you a good partner

Elliot Stabler:
She made me turn away.

George Huang:
How? How did she make you do anything?

Elliot Stabler:
[Another long pause] She didn't. It was my choice; nobody else was responsible for it, but me. [Elliot walks out of the office, looking upset]

Olivia Benson:
Is there something you want to say to me? Because if you do, then let's hear you say it.

Elliot Stabler:
[Obviously angry] Why didn't you shoot Gitano?

Olivia Benson:
He was using the child as a shield.

Elliot Stabler:
[Still angry] How could you let him get so close to you?

Olivia Benson:
There were innocent civilians around. I couldn't get a shot

Elliot Stabler:
Well you got close and Ryan's dead.

Olivia Benson:
So this is my fault?

Elliot Stabler:
[Starting to yell,while walking away] I can't do this anymore. I can't be looking over my shoulder, making sure you're okay.

Olivia Benson:
You son of a b*tch, you know that's not true.

Elliot Stabler:
[Yelling even louder] I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to your rescue.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[setting up a sting for a kidnapper at a ticket window] Just relax and do what you normally do, okay?

Western Union Agent:
This *is* what I normally do.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Do it without looking terrified.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Olivia, what's up?

Det. Olivia Benson:
I want a new partner.

M.E. Melinda Warner:
Well, when you find this guy, be sure to give him a special kick in the nuts for me.

Janelle Odami:
This heroin's got your mom by the soul, baby. Took me to places Jesus won't go.

Janelle Odami:
The teacher said they were geniuses.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
They must of got it from their father's side.

Janelle Odami:
Hey, Uncle Tom, what's it like in the house?

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Least I ain't sellin' it! Damn, white, black, I'm gettin' it from all sides today.

Detective Chester Lake:
Hey man, her pimp called me a Mexican.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Is that good or bad?

Latrice Munez:
Look at you throwing gang, Papi. Like you know your thing.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Little girl, I was through with it before you knew what to do with it.

Dahlia Jessup:
Why are you such a b*tch?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Calling me names isn't going to get you out of the trouble you're in.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Jordy is no different from any other predator. He's just better dressed.

Captain Donald Cragen:
[to Benson and Stabler] I put my head on the chopping block for you two dozens of times, and you hit me with this 'Thin Blue Line' crap?

Olivia Benson:
Do people have sex in bed anymore?

Fin Tutuola:
I'm not staying in here with all these cancer-causing particles flying around.

John Munch:
Stop worrying. As an African-American you're statistically far more likely to die of diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart disease.

Fin Tutuola:
Or a bullet.

[Fin comes walks up in a Doctor's mask]

John Munch:
What's up Doc?

Fin Tutuola:
Not taking any chances.

Mike Dodds:
The vic is Libby Parker, apartment B11. Super found her in the courtyard, 7:00 a.m.

Olivia Benson:
Anyone get eyes on the perp?

Odafin Tutuola:
No video, no one's come forward.

Olivia Benson:
Guys, there's a hundred windows up there. Somebody saw something.

Mike Dodds:
So at least ten residents saw or heard an assault.

Odafin Tutuola:
Everybody thought someone else was calling the cops.

Dominick Carisi, Jr.:
Police could've been here in two minutes. Now this woman might die.

Mike Dodds:
All right, Carisi, let's take it easy with the witnesses. We want them to cooperate.

Dominick Carisi, Jr.:
Say what you want about Staten Island, but at least they have people who look out for each other.

Mike Dodds:
The caf?'s a drug den. No one saw a thing.

Amanda Rollins:
But still, her building... I mean, how many people face that courtyard?

Odafin Tutuola:
This one says his window was closed, that one says she went to bed early.

Olivia Benson:
Bystander effect. Sometimes the more witnesses, the less help.

Rafael Barba:
[skeptical of a witness's credibility] I'm not even sure putting this guy on the stand is a great idea.

Dominick Carisi, Jr.:
What, you got a better one?

Rafael Barba:
He's worse than all the others. And that's no easy task.

Olivia Benson:
Hey, Barba...

Rafael Barba:
Well, at least they admitted that they were there.

[after several vain attempts to convince a pop singer to leave her abusive boyfriend]

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
So what do we do now?

Sergeant John Munch:
We wait.

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
For what?

Detective Olivia Benson:
The inevitable.

Michael Gardner:
I'm so sorry about hitting her. I hope she's okay.

Erin Russ:
The rape charges on my client are bogus. And how did he get hurt between his home and the station house?

Alex Cabot:
I don't know, how did he?

[Looks at Detectives Tutuola and Stabler]

Odafin Tutuola:
He fell.

Erin Russ:
Bull.

Alex Cabot:
The only injuries I see are Mr. Gardner's torn knuckles from punching Detective Benson in the face, so unless you want to add the assault of a police officer to the list of charges, I suggest you move on.

Michael Gardner:
Why are you harrassing me? I didn't do anything.

Elliot Stabler:
Violating an order of protection you moron! You just bought yourself a cell in Rikers.

Det. Olivia Benson:
Once the fingerprint came back we apprehended the defendant outside of his home. I advised him of his Miranda rights, detectives Stabler and Tutuola questioned him, with his attorney present, and Carrie Huitt positively identified him as the man who had raped her the night before.

ADA Alexandra Cabot:
Thank you, Detective.

Michael Gardner:
Why didn't you question me, Detective Benson?

Det. Olivia Benson:
I was preparing your victim for the lineup.

Michael Gardner:
Oh. So it wasn't because I punched you earlier that night?

ADA Alexandra Cabot:
Objection! Relevance?

Michael Gardner:
I'm trying to ascertain whether or not the detective has a personal stake in my rest in prosecution.

Judge Lois Preston:
I'll allow it.

Det. Olivia Benson:
I have no personal stake in you.

Michael Gardner:
You're not mad at me? Or, uh, embarrassed that I eluded your grasp in front of your colleagues?

Det. Olivia Benson:
It's not uncommon for a perpetrator to lose control of himself. And I have certainly been hit much harder.

Olivia Benson:
Those two! I wish they just get a room already!

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Ha, I'll pretend I didn't hear you say that!

[Declan rips off Amanda Rollins shirt]

Declan O'Rourke:
No wire, not even an underwire

Declan O'Rourke:
And if you pass, then we can discuss how you work off your debt

Amanda Rollins:
Can I do it with a shirt on?

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Whatever you're doing I want you to stop now; I am not ready for another partner!

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
[after Liam Connors was released on his own recognizance] Arrest him.

Roger Kressler:
What? This is ridiculous! You can't keep throwing bogus charges at my client!

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
Your Honor, my detectives are here to rearrest the defendant.

Roger Kressler:
On what charge?

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
The murder of ADA Alexandra Cabot.

Roger Kressler:
Your Honor, this is a blatant attempt to unlawfully detain my client!

Judge Lois Preston:
Save it, counselor. Alex Cabot was a friend of mine. I'll see you both at arraignment.

Liam Connors:
You can't prove I killed her.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[Handcuffing Liam] You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Alex Cabot:
Sometimes when I get homesick I hum the Mr. Softie song.

D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond:
[barges into Cragen's office] What the hell are you people doing?

Captain Donald Cragen:
Agent Hammond. Most people knock first.

D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond:
You should have called me before your detectives arrested Liam Connors for the murder of Alex Cabot.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Connors blew up one of your agents. I didn't expect flowers, but I thought you'd be pleased.

D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond:
If Connors goes to trial and I'm called to testify, what am I supposed to do?

Captain Donald Cragen:
Do your job.

D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond:
[angrily] That's exactly what I'm gonna do. I just came to tell you that you're on your own. I'm not gonna ruin my career by committing perjury. Do we understand each other, Captain?

Captain Donald Cragen:
[realizes, stunned] She's alive. You son of a b*tch, you stashed Alex in Witness Protection.

D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond:
[equally surprised] You didn't know.

Detective Olivia Benson:
If anyone here has been sexually assaulted, or know anyone that has, it's never too late to come forward. Denying the pain doesn't make it go away.

Detective Olivia Benson:
It's all about control. I mean, they do their own investigations. If the school decides no crime has been committed, it's dropped. No press, no police.

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
We need to go after the school.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
And charge 'em with what?

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
That's the great part about being a D.A.: I don't have to decide that right now.

Detective Olivia Benson:
What about these frat boys?

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
The first rule of bureaucracy is self-preservation. Those boys become a liability, they will cut them loose.

Amanda Rollins:
You sent a topless photo of yourself to Travis?

Lindsay Bennett:
He... he asked me to, he texted me, he... he said he wanted to hook up again! It was stupid. I thought... I thought maybe he still liked me. The photo was supposed to disappear after seven seconds!

Amanda Rollins:
Nothing ever disappears from the internet ever!

Detective Olivia Benson:
So? Boys will be boys and girls get raped?

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
Find the others!

Captain Donald Cragen:
That's easy for you to say!

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
What's the matter? NYPD run out Trojan horses?

D.A. Arthur Branch:
CONFERENCE ROOM! NOW!

Det. Elliot Stabler:
What was that about?

ADA Casey Novak:
Oh, that was probably about another subpoena I sent out.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
For what?

ADA Casey Novak:
Donald Rumsfeld.

D.A. Arthur Branch:
Do I need to remind you that I've been know to *fire* people, Casey?

Sherm Hempell:
Look, if you think I'm giving that up, you're on crack.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
I'm on what?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
You make it sound like they're poisoning their own troops, why would they do that?

Detective John Munch:
I asked myself the same question a couple years back when the military started making soldiers take an experimental anthrax vaccine. Even after people died, they didn't stop until the Supreme Court ordered them to.

Detective John Munch:
Can't you just imagine ADA Novak getting you in front of a jury and saying things like 'patriot', 'security', 'homeland'?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Wes Myers sacrificed his family once when he left them for Afghanistan, he has no family now, he doesn't deserve that.

Officer Wes Myers:
I killed my wife, my son has nobody now, I deserve everything I get.

Detective John Munch:
There's 'marital problems' and then there's stabbing your wife 70 times and setting her on fire.

Dr. George Huang:
[after Callahan talks about the crazy stuff in his head being almost gone] What other crazy stuff?

Officer Tommy Callahan:
Like thinking that my neighbors are spying on me. Tapping my phones. [whispers] There's something really wrong. [looks sadly to the left side of table and then to the window] How's Jamie?

Dr. George Huang:
I haven't spoken to her. But... I could contact her for you after we're finished, if you'd like.

Officer Tommy Callahan:
[stands up; goes toward window] She doesn't... come to see me. She won't even call. Not that I blame her.

Dr. George Huang:
I'm sure she is very worried about you, Tom. Everyone is. [stands up and goes toward Tom, never breaking contact with him] What else have you noticed about yourself? The things you did before you were hospitalized that don't make sense now?

Officer Tommy Callahan:
Sometimes in the morning when I shave... I put the razor to my neck... and I think... if I could just push a little bit harder, all the way across my throat... it would hardly hurt at all.

Dr. George Huang:
I don't think it's PTSD.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Why not?

Dr. George Huang:
Callahan reports no change in his sleep patterns or eating habits. He exhibits no exaggerated startle reflex. His nightmares are vivid and bizarre; more like hallucinations. And he experiences paranoia and suicidal ideation.

Detective Olivia Benson:
So if it's not P.T.S.D., what is causing all this?

Dr. George Huang:
Well, if this were an isolated case, I'd say that he might have developed schizo-affective disorder. Or, it could be organic. A brain tumor, for instance.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
But it's not isolated. It's two different guys. What are the odds they'd both come down with the same disorder?

Dr. George Huang:
It's next to impossible. Which leaves us with an environmental cause. Both soldiers affected by the same toxin.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Gulf War Syndrome has been blamed on everything from chemical weapons to depleted uranium bullets.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Yeah, and the Marines gave me a physical when I finished my tour. I'll be the Army does the same thing.

Dr. Trainer:
[Location and date title: Fort Crompton Base Clinic, Wednesday, April 6] Actually, D.O.D. says post-deployment physicals are optional for soldiers now.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Did Wes Myers or Tom Callahan opt to take one?

Dr. Trainer:
No, ma'am. Just filled out the required health questionnaire.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Either man report any problems?

Dr. Trainer:
[looking down at a survey] Not a thing.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Could we take a look at the surveys?

Dr. Trainer:
Can't make that call for you, Detective. Have to take it up with the unit commander.

Koehler:
[walking on training grounds] I'd like to cooperate, detectives, but I'm not authorized to release any medical records.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
We could get both men to waive their privacy rights.

Koehler:
Not really the issue. You'd have to talk to the local general.

Detective John Munch:
Ah, the wonderful world of military bureaucracy.

Koehler:
I hear ya, Detective. I wish I could be more help. Callahan and Myers were both good soldiers.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Well, maybe you could tell us why Wes Myers only served four months in Afghanistan.

Koehler:
Unfortunately, I can't do that, either. And that is to protect Myers' privacy. I'm very sorry.

Detective John Munch:
[sighs] I think we're going about this in the wrong way. Now why don't you tell us what you can share with us.

Koehler:
Well, frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if this weren't some sort of combat stress situation. A lot of men have a tough time readjusting to civilian life.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Our shrink ruled out P.T.S.D. Both men were hallucinating, uh, violent, suicidal.

Dr. Trainer:
Any other symptoms?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Vivid dreams, paranoia...

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Not to mention they both attacked their wives.

Dr. Trainer:
[smiles, shakes head, shrugs] There's really nothing I can do to help you. [walks outside]

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Sir, Sir. I was in the Marines, so... I understand the need for discretion but we got a pattern here.

Dr. Trainer:
You'll have to take it up with the Pentagon, Detectives. I'm sorry. [goes down steps and walks away while Olivia and Elliot look at each other in question]

Detective Olivia Benson:
There's no telling how long the side effects will last.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Or who'll be next. [they look up at footage of the U.S. troops coming home]

Sherm Hempell:
Or how many.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
[looking at footage from toll booth videos] All the exhaust and filth dirtying up the camera lens, how do these faces and plates come out so clear?

Detective John Munch:
How does a spy satellite see you taking a crap from 22,000 miles in space?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Doug Waverly, Nicky Pratt, you're under arrest for the murder of Jason King.

Doug Waverly:
You can't prove we murdered anyone.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You like that sea bass? You're gonna love what we just pulled out of the river.

[last lines]

Detective Olivia Benson:
Doug Waverly, Nicky Pratt, you're under arrest for the murder of Jason King.

Doug Waverly:
You can't prove we murdered anyone.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You like that sea bass? You're gonna love what we just pulled out of the river.

[after a father shoots his daughter's rapist/murderer]

Elliot Stabler:
I could've stopped him. I should've known what Ray was gonna do.

Olivia Benson:
How?

Elliot Stabler:
I would have done the same thing.

Olivia Benson:
No, you wouldn't.

Elliot Stabler:
Well, wait 'til you're a parent.

Olivia Benson:
Don't throw that crap at me, Elliot. You made a mistake.

Elliot Stabler:
What?

Olivia Benson:
You let Ray in.

Elliot Stabler:
You're right, I did. He got to me. And now I'm responsible.

Alex Cabot:
An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

Elliot Stabler:
[a pedophile is trying to leave town] Aw, he's leaving town. You know we're really gonna miss you.

Roy Barnett:
Now what?

Olivia Benson:
[takes a packing box from Barnett] We're helpin' you pack.

Elliot Stabler:
You think all this stuff's gonna fit in his cell?

Olivia Benson:
Probably not!

Dr. Phil Mitrano:
[about Barnett] He's far more calculating than your typical pedophile. Barnett never chooses victims of opportunity, like children of a girlfriend, or a second wife. He's a true predator; unrepentant, unstoppable. No amount of therapy will change that.

A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot:
[about Kessler] He is as bad as his client! Hoping the victim is too tramatized to testify. He's lucky I didn't knock his teeth down his thoat!

Captain Donald Cragen:
[smiling] I'd pay real money to see that.

Elliot Stabler:
Barnett's being processed, we're heading to Mulligan's to celebrate.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
You're probably not gonna want to do that.

Olivia Benson:
And why's that?

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Dad's mad.

Captain Donald Cragen:
[to Benson and Stabler] Get your asses in my office.

[Stabler accidentally let a murder suspect escape from custody]

Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton:
Good morning, detectives.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse.

Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton:
Has anyone seen my missing defendant?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Well, we could try and find him, unless you wanna just waste our time busting my balls.

Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton:
Oh, I'd never kick a man when he's down. I'm sure you feel like a grade "A" moron as it is.

Captain Donald Cragen:
I've been sober over twenty years. But I struggle with it every day. It's not something you ever get over.

Cory Banks:
Leave my mom alone! [kicks Elliot in the crotch, Elliot doubles over]

Olivia Benson:
Okay, that's it, everybody's going to the station. [to Elliot] You okay?

Elliot Stabler:
[nods, then straightens up] Now I know why they call them special victims.

Captain Donald Cragen:
So Cory didn't molest Patrick, he just acted out his own demons because HE was molested.

Elliot Stabler:
Your son has been sexually abused.

Eva Banks:
What?

Thomas Banks:
By who?

Olivia Benson:
His wrestling coach. He did time in a Maryland prison for child sexual abuse.

Eva Banks:
Oh my God! Are you sure?

Olivia Benson:
Well the doctor found evidence of long term sexual abuse, but Cory wouldn't disclose any information to Dr. Huang.

Olivia Benson:
Is Thomas ever alone with Cory?

Eva Banks:
No, because I'm watching Cory 24 hours a day.

Olivia Benson:
But you have to sleep, don't you? [Eva gets a look of horror] What is it?

Eva Banks:
In the shelter, I had to stay up all night to make sure nobody messed with our stuff or messed with Cory, I became an insomniac. Thomas took me to this doctor who gave me these pills and he said that...

Olivia Benson:
Nothing would wake you up.

Dr. George Huang:
This trial is a sham! You've got a pedophile calling himself a victim, and a victim blowing kisses at her abuser.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
So much for 2500 years of 'first do no harm'.

Dr. George Huang:
That's a little black and white.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
Sorry, I didn't realize the hypocratic oath was written in shades of grey.

Dr. Faith Sutton:
Our country is at war. I have skills that can help. Do you really expect me not to use them?

Dr. Melinda Warner:
You took an oath. You don't get to take a time-out because we're at war, because it's difficult to uphold. The oath was written for times like these.

Jackie Solomon:
That b*tch tried to tank my college application.

Robert Soloman:
Shut up, Jackie, if you hadn't made that damn video...

Jackie Solomon:
What about MY right to exercise free speech? [to Fin] Do you know the Quran says men can verbally abuse and beat their wives?

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Yeah, and the Bible says men shouldn't let their wives teach or talk back to the.

Robert Soloman:
Believe me, we heard all about it since that headmaster mandated we attend classes at the New York Tolerance Center.

Detective Chester Lake:
[to Jackie] You must be their star pupil.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Security cameras across the globe, Munch'll never leave his house again.

Jackie Solomon:
[singing in video in underwear and a burqa] Come on, Mr. Terrorist, show me you're a man. Slap me around like your good book says you can. Well maybe you're just too much of a ditz. Is that why you blow yourself to bits? Come on, Mr. Terrorist, show me you're a man!

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Now THAT'S offensive.

[last lines; Olivia had Warner do a kinship analysis]

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Whose DNA did you have tested?

Detective Olivia Benson:
[reading the test results] Mine. I have a brother.

Jackie Madden:
Of course I bought a shirt. Gotta support my little man! HEY-YA!

Elliot Stabler:
Probably appreciate it a little more if you were sober.

Jackie Madden:
Screw you!

ADA Casey Novak:
So what? Give her a doctor's note - "Please excuse Meredith from molesting boys. She had a brain tumor?"

[about a video camera hidden inside a public toilet]

Det. John Munch:
Gives a whole new meaning to "live streaming video".

Homeless Man:
The children were sleeping all snug in their beds while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads. What the hell is a sugar plum?

Homeless Man:
My sugar plums aren't dancing. They're about to freeze right off.

Alexandra Cabot:
[looking at pictures of the children armies] The rifles are bigger than the kids.

Storekeeper:
I can spot a booster from a mile away, so I threw her out before she could steal anything. I checked her panda on the way out.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You checked what, her panda?

Storekeeper:
Her backpack. You know, stuffed animal, the arms go around like a strap.

[a young girl got her throat slashed, but the cold weather slowed her heart rate down]

Detective Elliot Stabler:
So nearly freezing to death saved her life. That's one hell of a lucky break.

Dr. Kyle Beresford:
When I asked who attacked her, she drew this.

[the doctor hands Fin a child's drawing]

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
The devil?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Welcome to hell.

Elijah Okello:
I would never force a woman, they have been through enough already!

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You're the one that found the little girl.

Homeless Man:
Well Jake and me. [his cat] I see you found the shrine.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Good Samaritans don't usually build shrines.

Homeless Man:
You didn't see the little girl bleeding on the street like that.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
If you're such a good Samaritan, why didn't you stick around for the ambulance? Got a guilty conscience?

Homeless Man:
No, we called it in, but Jake doesn't like crowds.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Why'd you write 'thou shall not murder'? Sounds like a confession.

Homeless Man:
That came from Thomas.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Thomas another cat?

Homeless Man:
Dylan Thomas the poet, he drank himself to death. That's not a confession, I just steal from the best.

Olivia Benson:
Hey Bri, there's an exhibit of the Plein Air Painters at The Whitney! What do you say we head up town and grab some brunch? Sound good?

Brian Cassidy:
Museum? You're talking to me?

Olivia Benson:
I'll take that as a no

Captain Donald Cragen:
He said something to them?

Alice Parker:
Yes!

Captain Donald Cragen:
And what was it?

Alice Parker:
I'm not comfortable repeating it

Captain Donald Cragen:
Okay, uhm, do you think you could write it down?

William Lewis:
With a girl friend, but we didn't exactly part on best terms

Olivia Benson:
So how exactly did you part?

William Lewis:
You know something detective? I'm not getting a real sense of the benefit of the doubt here! I'm entitled to an attorney if I ask for one. Isn't that right? [Nick and Olivia leave the interrogation room]

Olivia Benson:
[to Captain Cragen] This guy is a piece of work

Nick Amaro:
Good call Amanda!

Amanda Rollins:
Thanks!

Olivia Benson:
Where were you? On your yacht?

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
Not my yacht!

Judge Colin McNamara:
Mr. Barba, I surprised to see you slumming

A.D.A. Rafael Barba:
I missed arraignment court, your Honor! Keeps me humble

Judge Colin McNamara:
I doubt that!

William Lewis:
What do you want to hear? How at the beginning she said she would do anything? She begged me for her life. And by morning time she was begging me to take her out of her misery. Which one do you think I enjoyed more? [knock knock]

Captain Donald Cragen:
[Comes in with Vanessa Mayer] Detectives?

William Lewis:
Oh, hey it's my laywer

Vanessa Mayer:
You guys can't talk to my client

William Lewis:
Yeah I told them they weren't allowed to do this. It was just hypothetical!

Vanessa Mayer:
You know better, he's invoked

Olivia Benson:
Good, [stands up and leaves] 'cause I need a shower!

Amanda Rollins:
This guy, he knows every trick!

Captain Donald Cragen:
That's okay, so does Barba!

Amanda Rollins:
Tell you what? Who wants to come with me to shoot the son of a b*tch?

Captain Donald Cragen:
Rollins!

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Don't worry captain, I'll take her out, get something to drink! Anyone else while my wallet is open?

Deputy Chief William Dodds:
Sergeant Benson!

Olivia Benson:
Chief Dodds, I didn't realize that you were waiting

Deputy Chief William Dodds:
If you'd been here, I wouldn't have to wait

Jacob Nesbit:
Please don't tell my mom I was eating.

[Novak seeks legal advice on how to prosecute a boy who killed his younger brother]

Judge Mary Conway Clark:
Do you feel this boy deserves to be charged? Do you feel the facts fit the charges under the penal law? Did he have intent?

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
I don't know what he was thinking.

Judge Mary Conway Clark:
Well, find out. And find out why your defendant isn't rebelling against his mother like a normal teenage boy.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Westchester Mall. Great place to dump a car.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Yeah, with a body in the trunk.

[Rollins has admitted to being a gambling addict]

Captain Donald Cragen:
I've been exactly where you are, I know how this job can weigh on you.

Detective Amanda Rollins:
What do you mean?

Captain Donald Cragen:
I used to drink. And I mean *drink*. Soon as I got off duty, I was at the bar pounding. And then I started having a few on the job. You know, just to get through. I thought nobody noticed. Now, my captain could've canned my ass. Should've. But he got me help instead.

Detective Amanda Rollins:
Wow.

Captain Donald Cragen:
You're a good detective, Amanda. I don't want to end your career.

Detective Amanda Rollins:
I don't want that, either.

Captain Donald Cragen:
So I'm gonna get you help. But you screw up again, you're gone.

[after Fin tackles a running suspect]

Elliot Stabler:
Nice Tackle.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
There's rice all over the floor. Did he make you eat down here too?

Katrina Lychkoff:
No, he had us kneel on it. It's not so bad at first, but then it starts to cut into your skin. [shows her knees with old rice grain indentions]

Jennifer Banks:
[being hauled off by the bailiffs] Let go of me you stupid morons!

A.D.A. Gil:
I pulled a couple of all nighters and the only thing I murdered at the end of it was my pillow.

Detective Olivia Benson:
I knew a cop who worked double homicide for 41 hours straight, went home and went to bed. He had an asthma attack and reached for his inhaler, he grabbed his service revolver instead. He put it in his mouth and blew his brains out.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Oh my god. He's wearing them!

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Nice shoes.

Capt. Donald Cragen:
Well, while you wait take her photo around, see if you can find a co-worker who knew her, all right. Munch, Cassidy! You available?

John Munch:
To do with as you will, after court.

Capt. Donald Cragen:
Oh, right, Doctor Buzzjoy.

Det. Monique Jefferies:
Oh, that's an open and shut case, Munch, try not to screw it up with your insane rambling.

[She walks away, Munch continues to stare at her]

Det. Monique Jefferies:
And stop looking at my ass.

John Munch:
Miss Webber was told to disrobe, put her feet up in stirrups, and try to picture David Hasselhoff on Baywatch.

Defense Attorney:
Objection! Your honor, this witness is not qualified to testify on the treatment for hysteria.

John Munch:
Actually, sir, I am. Up until 1952, hysteria was one of the most commonly diagnosed illnesses among women. The medical treatment was hysterical paroxysm.

Court Reporter:
Could the witness spell that?

John Munch:
O-R-G-A-S-M.

Det. Monique Jefferies:
So you're saying *all* women are whores?

Det. John Munch:
Don't be ridiculous. I don't know *all* the women in the world.

[a teenaged friend of Kathleen's is pregnant, and Elliot is trying to find the right time to talk about waiting to have sex - he is helping her practice soccer by kicking balls for her to block from the goal]

Elliot Stabler:
You didn't come out again, honey.

Kathleen:
So?

Elliot Stabler:
So... one ball can change the game. It's like - it's like life. When I get close to you, you just come on out and cut off my angle, OK? Just try it again. Come on out, come on out.

[he kicks the ball, it goes past her into the goal]

Kathleen:
Thanks, that was great advice.

Elliot Stabler:
Honey, you did great, you did great, it's just that... the players in this game, they know a lotta tricks. Never commit until you know where they're coming from, and even then you just - you gotta be careful. You understand?

Kathleen:
Whatever.

Elliot Stabler:
Good, OK.

[pause]

Elliot Stabler:
Because they'll be attacking you from every angle.

[pause]

Elliot Stabler:
Just guard it with your life, sweetie.

Kathleen:
Oh, boy.

Elliot Stabler:
OK. Come on, kick it back.

Kathleen:
Dad, I'm a virgin, OK?

[she kicks the ball to him, he stands still and it goes by him]

Elliot Stabler:
OK.

[the detectives are interrogating a sex therapist who used some controversial experimental procdeures on teenagers]

Elliot Stabler:
Doc, I saw the 'art' in your office, and even I was uncomfortable with how many phalluses were on display.

Dr. Preston Blair:
That's because you're a bourgeios American, completely uptight about sex. It's what screws up your children and turns them into sex offenders.

Elliot Stabler:
...You lost me at 'bourgeois.'

Detective Olivia Benson:
Do you realize that disseminating pornography to a minor is a felony?

Dr. Preston Blair:
I showed them art books.

Elliot Stabler:
Doc, I saw the art in your office, and even I was uncomfortable at how many phalluses were on display.

Dr. Preston Blair:
That's because you're a bourgeois American, completely uptight about sex. It's what screws up your children and turns them into sex offenders.

Elliot Stabler:
You lost me at "bourgeois".

Detective Olivia Benson:
[Casey has grabbed a rehab employee by his jacket, amounting to assault] Casey, you're drowning here. And unless we can convince that guy to change his mind, I can't even throw you a life jacket.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
I'm a big girl. I know how to swim.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Earl Romaine, you're under arrest for the rape of Shane Mills.

Earl Romaine:
Screw you.

Detective Chester Lake:
Sorry, you're not his type.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
[grabbing Feldron by his shirt] That is right because he and the rest of them are nothing but human garbage

David Feldron:
Get away from me!

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
I'm gonna find whoever's been brutalizing these kids and I'm gonna prove you've been protecting them to save your own ass you son of a b*tch!

Carol:
[a walk-in donor thinks that he might be able to get $50,000 for his "Ivy-League" sperm] A hundred dollars per collection.

Walk-in donor:
That's a big pay gap, sexist really.

Carol:
Your procedure is much simpler, and you perform it... yourself.

Chief of Detectives:
[about a tank of frozen embryos stolen from a fertility clinic] Now, Don doesn't believe this falls under your purview, but those are potential children, who've been kidnapped. If they're not special victims, who is?

Sergeant John Munch:
[talking about suspects] I got one. Thirteen actually. Meet the "The Masterbated Race"; they're donor sibs.

Sergeant John Munch:
For all they know, I could be donor 10-19.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
[looks at the kids' pictures] They don't look like freaks to me.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You would be a great mother.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Oh! I am not having this conversation with you.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You're good with kids. You should start thinking about having them. Whatever you do, I'll support you.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Elliot, shut up and drive.

Eva Sintzel:
Do you have kids, Detective Benson?

Detective Olivia Benson:
No, I don't.

Eva Sintzel:
Don't you want them?

Detective Olivia Benson:
I... yes, yes I do, very much.

Eva Sintzel:
Then what's stopping you?

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
You better not have gotten me over here for another one of your jokes.

Sergeant John Munch:
Is that all you think I'm good for?

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
You'd knowingly want a child with your disability?

Jocelyn Miller:
Size is NOT a disability, dwarfs have healthy lifespans AND lives.

Jocelyn Miller:
[a 4 foot tall woman] Everybody else gets to have a kid that looks like them, why can't I?

Jocelyn Miller:
I think people would've noticed if the thief was 4-foot-1.

Detective John Munch:
[explaining Benson's absence] Word on the conspiracy mill is she's out having my love child.

Derek Lord:
They strap you to a special table that flips over so you don't choke on your own vomit. They stick electrodes on your head and turn on the juice. When your toe starts twitching, that means you're having a major convulsion. But that's a good thing. That's what they want. They fried my brain. Cut big parts out of my memory. Huge chunks of my childhood, gone. How could that be beneficial?

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
Did you attempt suicide again after you left the hospital?

Derek Lord:
No.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
And you're a famous rock star with millions of fans. Isn't it possible that psychiatric therapy didn't just improve your life but may in fact have saved it?

Captain Donald Cragen:
[Discussing Jamie's rape allegations] So she solicited two of her classmates so a third boy would have sex with her?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
It looks that way.

Detective John Munch:
When I was a kid, girls who had sex were afraid of being called sluts. Now they're auditioning for the title.

Detective Olivia Benson:
You did what you had to, Casey, you saved yourself.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
Yeah, but nobody saved him.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[after being knocked unconscious by an explosion and being carried towards an ambulance] You're a jinx.

FBI Agent Dana Lewis:
Who, me?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Last year at the courthouse when I got shot, you were there. You're bad luck.

Paramedic #1:
[Examining Stabler] No blood in his ear. It's probably not a skull fracture.

FBI Agent Dana Lewis:
You hear that? You're gonna be fine.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Every time you show up I nearly get killed.

FBI Agent Dana Lewis:
You're still above ground, hon. Maybe I'm your good luck charm.

FBI Agent Dana Lewis:
Ms. Benson?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Star? What's the FBI doing here?

FBI Agent Dana Lewis:
No, no, no. You first.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Elliot told me to tell you you're nuts.

FBI Agent Dana Lewis:
That's just the concussion talking.

Olivia Benson:
[Detectives Stabler and Benson want to interview a Chinese woman] It could take hours to track down a translator.

Elliot Stabler:
Doc, can you translate?

George Huang:
What, you just assume I speak Chinese?

Elliot Stabler:
No, I heard you order take-out once.

George Huang:
I know that if my sister had dated a black man, our parents would've... strongly objected.

Olivia Benson:
So he sets himself up to be rejected not only as a man but as a non-Asian. It's like he's looking for a reason to get angry.

George Huang:
You don't hurt people, Olivia. You help them. You're proof that we do have a choice.

Olivia Benson:
Or... Or maybe I'm just lucky.

Detective Joe Dumas:
Detective Campisi and I took this from patrol. Our sergeant suggested SVU would be better equipped to handle a lost kid.

Deputy Chief William Dodds:
In other words, you passed the buck.

Detective:
Little boy won't talk. Not even a name. Walked in here all by himself.

[Olivia sees how young and how filthy the boy is]

Olivia Benson:
Where the hell are the parents?

Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
That's why we're here.

Detective Amanda Rollins:
[proposing a sting to catch a corrupt cop] You want drunk and disorderly? I can do that.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
[about Rollins' undercover act] Rollins was so good, it scared me.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Munch put in his papers.

Detective Olivia Benson:
[surprised] No, he didn't.

Captain Donald Cragen:
The Mehcad Cater case hit him pretty hard. Liv, it's okay. Nothing changes, except what has to.

Detective Olivia Benson:
You wouldn't believe how many T-shirts that man has

Detective Amanda Rollins:
You can wind them down a few at the time, he won't notice!

Officer West:
Gretchen, is there a problem here?

Gretchen Lyons:
Yes, that guy grabbed my ass!

Brian Cassidy:
Which guy?

Gretchen Lyons:
[points to someone in the crowd] The wrong one!

Brian Cassidy:
Yeah, yeah, so let me get this straight: if the right guy grabs your ass, you're okay with that?

Gretchen Lyons:
[giggles] Like you? [giggles] nice upgrade on your partner!

Detective Olivia Benson:
[to Cragen] Denise Elderidge is a fruit cake.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[interrupts them] And dessert is served. [reveals Denise]

Detective Olivia Benson:
Denise didn't care about Carrie. All she cared about was where she was gonna get her next drink.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
You didn't kill your mother Olivia.

Detective Olivia Benson:
But I know what it's like to want to.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
You didn't kill your mother, Olivia.

Detective Olivia Benson:
I know what it's like to want to. That's how I know Simone Brice. I called her back then. She was a law student, and she helped me survive it.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
Why didn't Carrie say something?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Because then the abuse becomes real. If you keep quiet, you can pretend that it's not.

Detective Olivia Benson:
My mother was an English professor. When I was sixteen, I started dating one of her students. He was a senior, he was twenty-one years old. And he asked me to marry him. And I said yes. Because I wanted to get away from my mother. She found out and she told me that if I didn't stop seeing him, that she would have him kicked out of college. And I told her that I was moving out. She was half way through a bottle of vodka and she dropped it. It shattered all over the floor. And then she picked up the jagged edge of the bottle and... and she came at me, screaming, 'I'll never let anyone else have you.' And so I kicked her, hard. And then I kicked her again. And she went flying across the room, into the wall. And she slid down to the floor. I'd never hurt her before. I ran out. I was so afraid...

Detective Elliot Stabler:
These pots and pans haven't been used in so long they got cobwebs on them.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Sounds like the ones in my kitchen.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Romeo and Juliet killed themselves, not their parents.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
She'll do time in a juvenile facility, no hard time.

Attorney Simone Bryce:
I pulled the jury, 11 of them wanted to convict her. You would've had your murder conviction. Why'd you plead her out? [Casey nods to Olivia]

Fin Tutuola:
Hey good girls fall for bad boys

Fin Tutuola:
You have the right to an attorney and if you throw up in my car, I'll kill ya.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
My rope man in CSU got something.

Detective Amanda Rollins:
You have a rope man?

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Yeah. [pause, shrugs] Maybe I've been at this job too long.

Omar Pe?a:
That confession, I took it back right afterwards, did she tell you that?

Detective Nick Amaro:
Yeah, was it before or after you were sentenced? It happens all the time.

Detective Olivia Benson:
He was about to confess.

Captain Donald Cragen:
That doesn't mean he did it.

Detective Olivia Benson:
You're not a waste of time, you're a waste of a life.

Gina Bernardo:
These are scientific studies proving that an adolescent's brain is significantly different than an adult, that in fact our brains aren't fully formed until we are in our early twenties

Bureau Chief Elizabeth Donnelly:
And I can present scientific studies which prove my cat is trying to kill me in my sleep.

[a teenage boy is holding his teacher hostage]

Detective Nick Amaro:
Right now, there are a lot of really, really angry guys outside, and they don't care if you walk out of here or they carry you out. You understand? I care.

John Munch:
Now I'm a pain in my own ass.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
[Munch is stuck in a child sized chair] Can you move?

John Munch:
Just get me a forklift.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
It's the classic he says she says with a twist, mom blames the dad, dad blames the stepfather.

John Munch:
We've been assuming the attacker was male because of the sex abuse angle, but what if it's the mother?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
As sad as it sounds, that little girl's probably safer in the hospital than she's ever been in her own home.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
This whole case is like a jigsaw puzzle.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Well let's look at the pieces we've got; one suspect eliminated, one cooperating, and one hiding behind his lawyer.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Picture's getting clearer.

[last lines]

Detective Olivia Benson:
Remember when you asked about my father, and I told you it was a long story?

Detective Nick Amaro:
Yeah.

Detective Olivia Benson:
It's not that long.

[to a support group for sexual abuse victims]

Detective Olivia Benson:
Gentlemen, if I may? I've been doing this for a long time, and I understand the shame and the stigma. But keeping the abuse secret... doesn't make it go away.

[a rape victim fought off her attacker and put him in the hospital]

Owen Walters:
What do you call what she did to me?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
For a rapist? Occupational hazard.

Tyler Brunson:
[the defendants bail was revoked and he was place in remand] You can't do that. I... I have rights.

A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot:
You can have a toothbrush.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
You *prayed* with your rapist?

Police Commissioner Lyle Morris:
I heard we have a guy who likes to masturbate on the Midtown bus.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Yes, Detectives Stabler and Benson made an arrest yesterday.

Police Commissioner Lyle Morris:
Did they?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Yes.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
He has multiple priors.

Police Commissioner Lyle Morris:
Well, let's hope they clean the seats.

Detective Olivia Benson:
He was paroled on February 10, 1996 with an injury condition. He was raped in prison.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
I'll cry about that later.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Ms. Kraft! You didn't hear the rest of the ruling. It's not over.

Detective Olivia Benson:
It's going to be okay.

Victoria Kraft:
No, it's not! [Looking at Cragen] 5 years your people were sitting on your ass, 5 years you waited for this half-cocked legal maneuver. 5 years I've waited just to hear another person in a long list of others say "Sorry Vicki, you got raped, and we're not going to do jack about it." Thank you for making this the second worst day of my life. I think we all know what the first is.

Detective Olivia Benson:
This guy just stopped?

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Eh, maybe he just started wearing a condom.

Detective John Munch:
A very thoughtful rapist.

[a rape victim has been found in contempt of court for refusing to reveal her rapist's identity]

Captain Donald Cragen:
Are you okay?

Detective Olivia Benson:
We just put a rape victim in the lockup. No, I'm not okay.

Pamela Burton:
I would be more comfortable with the female detective. The nice one?

Detective Olivia Benson:
[camera cuts to Olivia interrogating the suspect] You're an idiot.

Detective John Munch:
It's not a weapon of mass destruction, it's an experimental pesticide, Milsted used it on those kids like guinea pigs. These videos are observing the long term effect it had on them.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Leave it to the prince of paranoia to kick it up a notch, that's out there even for you.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
No, for once Munch *isn't* crazy.

Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
They expect an undocumented immigrant woman who barely speaks English to understand all this?

Detective Olivia Benson:
No way, it's written in such legalese I barely get it.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
What do you always tell victims? Get help, but you're not following your own advice.

Detective Olivia Benson:
What do you want me to do, Elliot, sue the chemical company? If I do, they will bury me in paperwork for the next 10 years, the kid could be dead by then.

Elliot Stabler:
We can't always win.

Alex Cabot:
But that's just it. Even when we win, we don't.

[Government agents are trying to stop a judge from subpoenaing a witness]

Judge Lena Petrovsky:
I don't ever want this many lawyers in my chambers again... so next time, leave the Dog and Pony show at home.

John Munch:
And with that I say good-night, you need to drive me early tomorrow, and you need to get some sleep.

Fin Tutuola:
You need to get a new driver.

Alex Cabot:
For future reference, if your client intimidates the informant in any way I will have his bail revoked and his ass thrown in Rikers for the duration of the trial.

Rafael Zapata:
You can't threaten me, b*tch.

Alex Cabot:
I just did.

Rafael Zapata:
[to attorney] You're going to allow this?

Alex Cabot:
Also, Mr. Zapata, You'll find a woman can say anything she wants to about your performance in the bedroom, and you aren't actually allowed to kill her.

Bureau Chief Paula Foster:
You have friends in the D.A.'s office. Vet me all you want. I am no one's friend. But I have everybody's respect.

[SVU has been ordered to leave Cragen's case alone and go about business as usual]

Sergeant John Munch:
Cragen's being set up and we're chasing celebrity crotch grabbers.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Do I really have to give you the "Don't blame yourself, you're a victim" speech? Because I will.

Detective Olivia Benson:
We're gonna go for a walk.

Bureau Chief Paula Foster:
Why?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Because I have to arrest you. And I don't want your daughter to see.

A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot:
You want a deal? Your client tells us what we want to know, and he does time.

Bureau Chief Michael Cutter:
And how much is up to you.

Marvin Exley:
What Ledger would love nothing more than to have a test case involving First Amendment and NYPD. Please, go ahead. Try us.

Captain Donald Cragen:
You three are playing this while there's a missing kid out there?

Bureau Chief Michael Cutter:
Yeah, let's cut to the chase, Mr. Exley.

Marvin Exley:
Okay. Griscomb gives you everything he has on the missing boy's phone records, he gets full immunity from prosecution.

Bureau Chief Michael Cutter:
No, this is how it works: wiretapping is federal. It's out of our hands. He give us something we can is use, we'll mis-D the felony eavesdropping. Take a minute to think about it. And by a minute, I mean fifty-nine seconds.

[after explaining what it means to be on the "Down Low". Everyone looks at him strangly]

Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola:
Don't look at me like that. I just know stuff.

Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola:
It's different for black men. They go out, have sex with other men, then come home, have sex with their woman, and pretend they're straight.

[Everyone looks at him akwardly]

Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola:
Don't look at me, I just know stuff.

Chauncey Zeirko:
Casey!

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
I'm not backing down. We're going to trial.

Chauncey Zeirko:
This isn't about the trial. [Pulls out a legal form] This is a complaint to the disciplinary committee of the bar demanding that you be suspended from the practice of law.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
What are you talking about?

Chauncey Zeirko:
Your unprofessional, if not criminal, conduct. You revealed confidential, legally protected medical information to my client's wife!

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
I'm trying to protect Mary Ellen from contracting HIV.

Chauncey Zeirko:
She thinks that you're trying to intimidate her to win your case. I can tear this up, if we can make a deal.

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
Lemme get this straight. You're blackmailing me, and in the same breath, accusing me of ethical impropriety?

Chauncey Zeirko:
I'm defending my client! I didn't break the law! Man Two, five years probation, take it or leave it!

A.D.A. Casey Novak:
I'll take a censure.

Chauncey Zeirko:
I'm betting suspension. [as Casey walks away... ] You'll lose your job!

Detective Elliot Stabler:
How many hookers you ever see strangle somebody with a hotpants?

Detective Olivia Benson:
Elliot, these aren't a hotpants, they're leggings, you wear them to the gym.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
So we're looking for a hooker who works out?

Dr. Melinda Warner:
This is the DNA from Jeff York, this is the DNA from inside the condom, they don't match. There were two men in that car.

Detective Olivia Benson:
The operative word being 'men'.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
No wonder you and Jeff didn't have any chemistry, he was gay.

Terrence Baker:
[trying to maintain he's straight] I have relationships with women, and I have sex with men.

Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola:
And I got news for you: that means you're gay!

Dr. George Huang:
Olivia, you're not the first woman to sleep with a closeted man.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Maybe he didn't know...

Dr. George Huang:
Sexuality is very complicated, just because he was gay doesn't mean he wasn't attracted to you.

Colonel Richard Finley:
[after stopping suspect with a single punch] Once a Marine, always a Marine!

Detective Elliot Stabler:
I have bad news. One of your astronauts has been murdered.

Colonel Richard Finley:
How did she die?. How does Finley know that the dead astronaut is a women if he's not the murderer? Good guess, 'Goof' or just a clue not identified by anyone but me. Or, I may have heard it wrong. One of those times that I wish I had TIVO!

Colonel Richard Finley:
[about Elliot and Olivia] So...?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
I'm married.

Colonel Richard Finley:
Never stopped me.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
And you got 4 divorces to prove it.

Detective Olivia Benson:
So you're the one that got Elliot into the Marines.

Colonel Richard Finley:
Not these tattoos though, he was a wild guy back then.

Dickie Stabler:
I thought you had Maureen after you got married.

[Dickie smirks as realization dawns on him]

Dickie Stabler:
Dude, you knocked up mom?

[Munch is cuddling a victim's dog and annoying Fin]

Odafin Tutuola:
I told you you should have left that mutt in the car.

Det. John Munch:
Do you know how many dogs die in locked cars every year?

Odafin Tutuola:
Know how many cops shoot their partners and get off on justifiable?

M.E. Melinda Warner:
It took me most of the night, but I figured out what Dr. Esterman was working on.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Looks like a bunch of circles and arrows.

M.E. Melinda Warner:
Tell me about it. I've been seeing circles and arrows all night.

Det. John Munch:
Me, I just get a little nervous when the government starts drawing up lists.

Det. Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
Please don't get him started. He goes off on black helicopters and we'll be here all night.

Det. Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
You better remember quick before we haul your sweet ass down to the precinct.

Miss Kittie:
Am I under arrest?

[starts to rub Fin's cheek]

Fin Tutuola:
Keep touching me, you will be.

Capt. Donald Cragen:
[about a man who has infected numerous people with HIV] Let's go find Typhoid Mario.

Cop:
Mona Sidley. I recognized her by her binoculars.

Det. Olivia Benson:
Not by her face?

Cop:
She doesn't have one anymore.

Det. John Munch:
Follow the shoe again. This case is a shoe fetishist's wet dream.

Miss Kittie:
We always meet at four-star restaurants. Vartan had very good taste.

Det. John Munch:
I never would've guessed.

Det. Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
[to someone in forensics] Skip the science test. Did it match?

Secretary:
We don't take walk-ins. You need a referral.

Det. Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
[shows her his badge] We got a special pass.

Secretary:
[as they start to walk into the office] You can't go in there!

Det. John Munch:
Sure we can.

Det. John Munch:
Where'd you go two nights ago?

Miss Kittie:
Chez Marco. I met him there at 9:00. Do you want to know what I ate?

Det. Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola:
I'm not touching that one.

[Benson and Stabler are sifting through Greta Esterman's hate mail]

Det. Olivia Benson:
Last month, AIDS activists threw pig's blood on her, protesting her policies.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
How about this?

[Stabler holds up crayon-written paper with bad grammar and horrible spelling]

Det. Elliot Stabler:
Snoopie bich doctor YOU DIE.

John Munch:
So why'd you leave narcotics?

Fin Tutuola:
My partner took a bullet that was meant for me, kinda took all the fun out of it.

Odafin Tutuola:
Even Aunt Mary thinks he's a hero.

John Munch:
Yeah well Aunt Mary is a few tea bags shy of a full pot.

Fin Tutuola:
The Bowery Stalker.

John Munch:
One and the same.

Fin Tutuola:
I haven't heard about this guy for a long time.

John Munch:
Not long enough.

Fin Tutuola:
I wonder how long this guy will keep his victim alive?

John Munch:
Until he's finished with her.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Joe, why did you shoot Luke and Tyrell?

[sets out pictures of the victims on the table]

Joe Blaine:
[looking at pictures] I don't know them.

Detective Olivia Benson:
You don't know them? You told us that you went to school with them.

Joe Blaine:
No, I didn't.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Joe. Joe, look at me.

[Joe looks up and then looks back down]

Detective Olivia Benson:
You're in serious trouble here, and you need to help yourself.

Joe Blaine:
I don't want to.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[laying a drawing on the table] Did you draw this?

Joe Blaine:
Where's my pen? I want my pen!

Detective Elliot Stabler:
We'll get you one. I know you drew that now did you also do this?

Joe Blaine:
Didn't draw that. Didn't draw that!

Detective Olivia Benson:
[points to masked figure in the drawing] Joe, who's this? Who's this person here?

Joe Blaine:
[whispering] Zoltar.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Who's Zoltar?

Joe Blaine:
[begins slapping himself and banging his head on the table] No! I won't! Stop! Stop, I won't!

Joe Blaine:
[after Stabler tries to calm him] Zoltars gonna kill you! He's gonna kill you!

[Stabler picks him up out of his chair]

Joe Blaine:
Get off! He's gonna kill you! Zoltar's gonna kill you!

Joe Blaine:
[describing how he murdered two classmates] They're running... and I'm shooting. There's blood everywhere, but they just wont die! Not 'till I get close. Bang! Bang! They finally stop. I heard sirens. I ran to hide. I went to the boiler room but the window was too high. So I put the gun to my head...

[makes an imaginary gun with his hand and puts it to his head]

Joe Blaine:
I don't remember any more.

Barry Moredock:
It's a fact that Aptril causes anxiety and insomnia...

ADA Alexandra Cabot:
I suffer from anxiety and insomnia. I don't go around killing people.

[last lines]

Dean Reynolds:
Hey, you're hurting me!

Elliot Stabler:
Take some Aptril. That'll make you feel better.

ADA Alexandra Cabot:
I need your advice.

Dr. George Huang:
...Lie down on the couch.

ADA Alexandra Cabot:
Not that kind of advice.

Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola:
Don't get him started on Dick Cheney again!

Detective Olivia Benson:
How'd he get out when the door was locked from the inside?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
The window. [they go to the window] It's an eight story drop from here. Our guy didn't get out of here unless he was Spiderman.

Detective Olivia Benson:
[cynically] It's a miracle, she can swim.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
And she can walk.

Detective John Munch:
I miss the days when revenge just meant shooting someone.

Elliot Stabler:
Psychos... they always love comics.

Det. Elliot Stabler:
[reading a murder victim's archived text messages] These are really deep. "Derek is sooooo ten o's, ooooo cute."

[while investigating the case of a popular teenager murdered by her three closest friends]

Elliot Stabler:
I love these little cliques. They're like the Mafia - nobody knows nothin'.

[last lines]

Olivia Benson:
Paperwork can wait.

Mike Dodds:
Yeah. Lily's parents... they're never gonna get over this, are they?

Olivia Benson:
Losing a child? No.

Mike Dodds:
You have a kid. That's gotta make this job harder.

Olivia Benson:
Yeah, it does. You know, Dodds, I'm gonna tell you something that I wish somebody had told me after my first tough case. Go home. Talk to somebody you love, and don't make this job your whole life.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
Fractures of the zygomatic socket, scapula, radius and ulna.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Well it makes sense. We've got witnesses who saw our Jane Doe get hit by a cab, running out of the Farmers Market.

Detective Olivia Benson:
So why'd you call us in for a traffic fatality?

Dr. Melinda Warner:
Because I know how to do my job - I was shot in the lung, not the head.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
How'd Huang take the bad news?

Detective Odafin Tutuola:
If I were you, I'd keep my distance. I didn't know he used that kind of language.

Captain Donald Cragen:
[about the father] Well, the only thing he's guilty of is poor judgment. A lot of kids get jobs, Elliot.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Well, whatever happened to a childhood?

Captain Donald Cragen:
The work was legal, cut him loose.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Should I call Child Services to have them pick up the daughters?

Captain Donald Cragen:
They're not abused, they're clean and well-fed.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
And homeless.

Captain Donald Cragen:
Which isn't a criminal act, and I'm not separating this family for anything less.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
No lights, no sirens, if we spook them, they'll put those kids down.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
[arriving at the crime scene] Please tell me this isn't what I think it is.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Afraid so.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
Give me a minute.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
If you don't want your baby, there are other options.

Detective Olivia Benson:
Not for the girl who dumps her newborn into the river.

Dr. Melinda Warner:
She's not a newborn.

Detective Olivia Benson:
How do you know?

Dr. Melinda Warner:
The umbilical stump's gone, she's at least a month old.

A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot:
Andrea's lawyer is going to argue that this was a crime of love.

Detective John Munch:
It doesn't matter what intentions the road is paved with, Alex, it all leads to the same place.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Now since when does the pediatrician write a prescription for the parent?

A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot:
I take it you side with the defense.

Detective John Munch:
Oh ye of little faith.

A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot:
I thought you were pro- euthanasia.

Detective John Munch:
Yeah, for adults competent enough to ask for it.

A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot:
But not for children?

Detective John Munch:
If first we kill babies with diseases, then children who are disabled, where does it all end?

Roger Swanson:
You ever talk to me like that again, I'm going to report you to the Police Commissioner. I play golf with him.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Does he know about your handicap?

Roger Swanson:
What handicap?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
The one that makes you slap your wife around. Oh good, I see I got your attention. You ever lay a hand on your wife or your daughters again, I'm gonna pay you a visit.

Roger Swanson:
Is that a threat?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
...Yeah.

A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot:
Your client killed her baby; we are NOT going to send a message you can kill a terminally ill child and get a slap on the wrist.

Admiral Vincent Albers:
[after Amelia's rapists are convicted] Amelia, I'm proud of you. Coming forward, you had more guts than any of them.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Don't touch me. I don't like being touched.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
[to Ben Hadley Jr] First your father, then his lawyer, don't you ever speak for yourself?

Ben Hadley Jr.:
[confirming the DNA match inside Sylvia] What's going on?

Captain Donald Cragen:
Why don't you ask your father? It's his sperm.

Suspect:
[referring to Stabler] If that's the guy that's questioning me, I definitely want my lawyer.

Det. John Munch:
Round 2 we go bad cop on his ass, right Jeffries?

Det. Monique Jefferies:
Cool.

Captain Donald Cragen:
[Dr. Hadley doesn't believe he impregnated his daughter-in-law] It's not something the medical examiner would easily miss.

Dr. George Huang:
You know, most animal species aren't monogomous.

Detective John Munch:
That would explain my whole marital history.

Detective Elliot Stabler:
I go home and I'm supposed to tell Kathy about my day? 'Honey, today some guy cut a baby out of a woman's stomach, pass the gravy please'.

Detective Olivia Benson:
So you just don't talk? You don't tell her anything?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Well one of us has to sleep at night. She thinks I'm shutting her out.

Detective Olivia Benson:
You are. It's what you do, Elliot, and if you don't watch it, you're going to lose the best thing you have.

Perp:
I was just trying to help her up.

Olivia Benson:
With your penis?

Detective Elliot Stabler:
Lady, I've got four kids, if I ever talked to one of them like that I'd arrest myself!

Dr. Heints:
I was re-parenting him.

Elliot Stabler:
Lady I've got four kids, if I ever talked to one of them like that... I'd arrest myself.

Jordan:
We just got there! Ask that nice gentleman with the tattoos!

Christina Logan:
She wasn't abusing my brother. She was abusing my son. She tore him out of my arms the day he was born, he was punished for seven years for my sins!

Detective Elliot Stabler:
You believe this guy? It's our fault he's a sick prick.

M.E. Melinda Warner:
Battlestar Galactica. Answers one question - death probably occurred in the late '70s. I think I had that lunchbox.