SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 9

SpongeBob and Patrick:
What was that?

British Gentleman:
Why, those are the Dwastic Wadicals, the #1 practitioners of extweme spowts. [sips tea]

SpongeBob and Patrick:
Extreme what?

British Gentleman:
Extweme... spowts.

Patrick:
"Extreme spots"? Well, that's no fair. You're already covers in extreme spots. Ooh, hold on a second. [hive buzzing, Patrick screaming, electricity crackling] Okay, let's do meet our new heroes.

Author:
Thank you. Yes. Oh my... well, then... I'm afraid you've broken no records.

SpongeBob and Sandy:
Huh?

Author:
This book is 30 years old. These records were broken ages ago. You, however, have sent a brand new record: Most injuries sustained while helping a friend.

Sandy:
Good for you, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob:
[cracks] Um... hooray.

Author:
Say "cheese"! [takes a picture as the episode ends]

Patrick-Man:
Hey, where'd he come from?

SpongeBob:
[gasps] The Dirty Bubble?!

Patrick-Man:
The Dirty Bubble? I wanted to unmask Man Ray.

SpongeBob:
And so it's come to this. No home, no best friend, and sleeping under a bus stop. [a nematode pops out of the ground] Hello, little nematode. Will you be my friend? [the nematode crawls onto SpongeBob's arm] Atta boy. [the nematode crawls onto SpongeBob's arm] That tickles! [the nematode emerges with his wallet] Hey, my wallet! Good thing I cancelled those credit cards.

Fish:
This shake is disgusting! Why, you probably don't even have a license to milkshake!

SpongeBob:
A license to milkshake? Well, of course I do, silly! And it doesn't expire until... [looks at his license] ...seven years ago!?

Mr. Krabs:
SpongeBob! Squidward! Enough duff-dragging! Get to your stations, pronto!

SpongeBob:
Mr. Krabs, Squidward is in no condition to perform his Krusty duties. [shows baby Squidward] The poor guy has the mind of an infant.

Mr. Krabs:
I don't care if he has seaweed-for-brains. He needs to be behind that register! We've got customers out there just begging to hand me their money!

SpongeBob:
But --

Mr. Krabs:
No buts! Get to work, you two!

Customer:
MY FACE! MY FACE! Also my leg. BUT MOSTLY MY FACE!

Mr. Krabs:
Get that poopy baby out of me restaurant!

SpongeBob:
[sniffs, in tears] Mr. Krabs... if my poopy baby isn't welcome here, then I'm not staying either!!!

Squidward:
What the? Where am I? What's going on?

SpongeBob:
Oh, Squidward, you're back to your normal grown-up self.

Squidward:
Of course I'm grown-up! Why wouldn't I be?! [notices he's wearing a diaper] Am I wearing... a diaper?

SpongeBob:
Yes.

Squidward:
Is it full? [looks inside diaper and screams]

SpongeBob:
Sorry, Squidward! I was gonna change it, but I got in the wra... [Squidward puts his hand over SpongeBob's mouth]

Squidward:
Stop! Not another word about this! Ever.

SpongeBob:
Kids, they grow up so fast.

Squidward:
Ah, yes, just how I like it... nice and empty.

Old Man Walker:
Hey, I'm still here.

Squidward:
Oh, yes, sirree—nice and empty.

SpongeBob:
[voiceover] Dear diary, what an amazing day I've had! This morning I was greeted by my nearest and dearest neighbor, Squidward. He had some very important news he was just bursting to share. He had decided that today would be the perfect day to deliver his profound opinions on how to properly raise and care for a household pet. Specifically, what not to feed them. The list was very thorough. Needless to say, this is all very enlightening. It warms my heart to know that Squidward thinks we're close enough to use the harshest words in his critique-- Horrible words that should never be used around strangers, who may now know how well-intended those words are. Knowing I have the tendency to dawdle, Gary cut our conversation short. And I hurried along to work, where I arrived only an hour and a half early for what may be my favorite day of the year: cleaning day! Together, Mr. Krabs and I scrubbed every inch of the Krusty Krab, and finally, with a little elbow grease, we were able to get into even the tightest spots. Ah yes, cleaning day.

Squidward:
Great Neptune, I had no idea. The depth of his delusion is awe inspiring.

Squidward:
What do you think of Mr. Krabs' new plaid kilt?

SpongeBob:
P-p-p-p-plaid? [SpongeBob starts clucking like a chicken]

Mr. Krabs:
Well, you don't have to be nasty about it!

Patrick:
Diary reader!

Squidward:
What? You read it, too!

Patrick:
Oh, sure, blame everyone but yourself! Oh, that is so you.

SpongeBob:
Hi, Squidward. How's it going?

Squidward:
SpongeBob, oh, thank goodness! You have to forgive me!

SpongeBob:
What for?

Squidward:
For reading your diary.

SpongeBob:
Oh, that! You know, Squidward, everyone was so amused by it, I had it published! It's a best seller, and I owe it all to you! Besides, you only read my work diary; you've never even seen my secret personal diary! Now, that would have been really embarrassing...

Incidental 41:
There he is! That diary reader!

Crowd:
Yeah! [shouting angrily at Squidward]

SpongeBob:
People, people! Stop your assault! Through my art, as an author, I have forgiven Squidward.

Incidental 41:
Oh yeah? Did you know he's reading your personal diary?

[Squidward is reading the secret personal diary unguarded and laughing.]

SpongeBob:
SQUIDWARD, HOW COULD YOU!!??!!

[SpongeBob runs away screaming and crying as the crowd pelt Squidward with tomatoes]

Squidward:
I don't care, this is so worth it! [laughs more]

SpongeBob:
Focus on the road. There is nothing but the road.

Squidward:
Nothing ever happens in this dump...

SpongeBob:
[jumps up] Squid...!

Squidward:
Why did I say that?

SpongeBob:
[jumps up] Ward!

Squidward:
[pulls down the curtain on the window but then hears the phone ring and answers it] Krusty Krab.

SpongeBob:
Help!

Squidward:
[comes into the kitchen to see what's going on] What?! [SpongeBob is running all around the place, screaming; Squidward grabs SpongeBob and slams him down] What are you screaming about?!

SpongeBob:
[jumps on Squidward's head] Sea urchin! Geh...

[Squidward notices the urchin on his foot and he and SpongeBob jump onto the grill with the urchin crawling around on the walls]

SpongeBob and Squidward:
[screaming] Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs:
[enters] What's all the ruckus?!

SpongeBob:
There's an urchin in the kitchen!

Mr. Krabs:
What are you talking about? The Krusty Krab is a standard in fast food cleanliness. An urchin wouldn't dare step spine in this establishment. [holds up his claw and notices the urchin on him and screams. The urchin jumps off his tongue and then he jumps onto the grill with SpongeBob and Squidward. The urchin continues to crawl around making strange noises. The grill then starts to smoke] The grill is still on... isn't it?

SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs:
[scream and jump into bathroom stalls, and into the toilets] Ah...

Squidward:
Heh heh heh... What's this? Do I find myself on this dark and scary street, yet again? We'll just see what happens! [walks down further into the alley] This time!

Man:
Hey! You! [starts walking toward Squidward]

Squidward:
Let me give him a taste! A mere morsel of what's in store! [karate chops] Hi-yah! [kicks] Hi-yah! [flips] Hi-yah! That one was called Washing Sandy's Windows! [the man walks closer] Stay back or you're gonna get it! I am warning you! [the man continues to walk closer breathing heavily] Okay buddy, I warned ya! [near a trash can] I like to call this one Taking Out Sandy's Trash! Hi-yah! [kicks the trash can toward the man]

Man:
What? [gets hit on the head by the trash can] Ow!

Squidward:
[laughs] How do you like them apples? Wah! [punches a crate at the man]

Man:
Oh! Ow!

Squidward:
[holding two wooden planks] Hah! Feel my wrath! [throws them] How's your uncle?!

Man:
[gets hit on the head by one of the planks] Ow! [the other hits him on the stomach] Ow!

Squidward:
And as my finishing move! I give you Watering Sandy's Lawn! He-yah! [spin kicks a dumpster at the man. Then pushes it off of him]

Man:
Oh... hey, man! Wha-what was that for? [holding Squidward's groceries] I was just trying to give you back your groceries you dropped!

Squidward:
[takes the groceries] Uh, oh.

SpongeBob:
Sandy! I found him! He's over here! [holding the belt] You forgot your belt silly! [looks at the man and gasps]

Sandy:
Gosh! What happened to you?

SpongeBob:
This guy's been... ka-rah-tayed!

Sandy:
After all I said about never using karate for revenge?

SpongeBob:
For shame, Squidward. For shame.

Sandy:
Looks like he's not worthy of this belt after all. [takes the belt] Thanks for dishonoring our trust in you, Squidward. [walks off with SpongeBob]

Squidward:
Whatever! I'm still a karate master!

Officer John:
Wow, really? You are? [walks Squidward to the police car]

Squidward:
Yes I am!

Officer John:
Hey watch your head. [Squidward gets into the police car. Then John gets into it] Oh, I'd never guess it.

Squidward:
And what is that supposed to mean?

Officer John:
Oh, uh... nothing. Just with the rubbery arms and the doughiness in the midsection...

Squidward:
Okay, already! I get it! [notices the handcuffs on him] What? Wait a second. Am I under arrest?

Officer John:
You sure are! And you have the right to remain silent... [Squidward screams loudly] ...or not silent. [drives off as the episode ends]

SpongeBob:
Psst! Hey, Sheldon!

Plankton:
SpongeBob?! What in the sea shell are you doing here?!

SpongeBob:
Mr. Krabs arranged for me to work here on weekends. He wants me to keep an eye on you!

Plankton:
Excuse me. Doesn't this count as "cruel and unusual punishment"?

Prison Guard 1:
Pipe down, pipsqueak!

SpongeBob:
[takes out a toy baton] Look! They even gave me a training baton! [keeps tapping Plankton with it]

SpongeBob:
How much do we need?

Mr. Krabs:
Careful, SpongeBob! Just two drops and that stuff could-

SpongeBob:
Got it. Two dro- [Squeezes out some drops in the barrel. A loud explosion occurs and SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are smeared in black and their faces are blown up.]

Mr. Krabs:
-blow our faces off.

Plankton:
[flies his pod and uses the windshield wipers to clean the goo off the window] Now to see what's inside a Krabby Patty! "Just one ingredient:..." [rolls down the paper as he continues to read only to find that there is a stick of dynamite attached to it] Darn it, Krabs! [the dynamite explodes inside the pod and it crash lands on the roof of the Chum Bucket] Ow. [Mr. Krabs laughs at Plankton's failure with joy]

Bank Manager:
Good morning, gentlemen. [SpongeBob and Patrick scream]

Patrick:
We've been rumbled! Run! Scatter! Scamper! Save yourself!

Bank Manager:
What's all this about? [walks backwards to alarm button, SpongeBob pulls off ski mask.] May I help you with anything, sir?

SpongeBob:
Ah. Yes, I need to make a withdrawal. I need to withdraw one Mr. Krabs!

Bank Manager:
I assure you, Mr. SquarePants, we've received no such deposit. [opens vault]

Mr. Krabs:
I've gotcha now, money sucker! That does it, Lizard-breath! It's you or me, now! Just you and me! [wrestles the vacuum, and breaks it. Laughs evilly] Ooh! I conquered the money dragon! Victory! Woo!

Bank Manager:
Security! [security throws them out] And don't forget your… eh… deposit. [tosses penny at Mr. Krabs]

Mr. Krabs:
You know, boyo. Through this whole ordeal, I've learned a little something about greed. A little something about isolation. Heh. Even a little something about love. And you know what I realized through it all?

SpongeBob:
That you can't put a price on freedom?

Mr. Krabs:
Barnacles no, boy! I realized that they didn't pay interest on me deposit! [shakes fist] Hey, you cheapskates! Give me me interest! [a penny is thrown at Mr. Krabs] Well. What do you know? I doubled me money. [laughs as the episode ends]

Plankton:
SpongeBob, before we're torn to shreds, I'd like to thank you for helping me look for Spot.

SpongeBob:
Aw, it was nothing. Hey, speaking of Spots. Did yo always have a double pupil?

Plankton:
A double what? [pulls Spot off eye] Spot! [dramatic music plays in the background] Thank entropy you're safe! You were hiding on my optical cornea the whole time! You sneaky little amoeba, you.

[Spot barks and licks Plankton. Plankton laughs]

SpongeBob:
Aw, I'm glad you found Spot. [animals shrieking] Unfortunately, the animals found us too.

Plankton:
Good-bye, Spot. I guess this is the end of the road for us.

[Spot growls, barks, and jumps out of Plankton's arms]

Plankton:
Spot, no!

[Spot barks at other animals. the animals laugh. Spot snarls and grows to a much larger size. Spot barks loudly at animals. The animals all run away back into their cages. The cages close. Spot growls and shrinks back to small size. Spot jumps back into Plankton's arms]

SpongeBob:
Wow, Spot! You saved us!

Plankton:
I taught him everything he knows!

[Spot barks and licks Plankton as the episode ends]

SpongeBob:
That thing's eating Squidward!

Patrick:
Not our bestest buddy! We gotta save him! Okay, play 33. I need you to go long. And... break. You're going down, Fisherman! [starts beating up Squidward's Fisherman costume while SpongeBob grabs Squidward's neck]

SpongeBob:
Don't worry, Squidward. We'll get you out of that old monster. Let's get to the window. [he and Sauidward jump out of the window and Patrick throws heavy objects onto Squidward] Okay! I think you got it! [sirens sound; Squidward grumbles as he is taken into an ambulance] Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, there, there, no need to thank us. We were only doing what friends to for the bestest buddy. Well, I guess we don't have to worry about that old monster anymore. [The Fisherman costume growls at them]

Squidward:
Huh?

SpongeBob & Patrick:
[scream and run into ambulance. The Fisherman costume falls down, revealing Gary]

Gary:
Meow. [starts sleeping on the costume]

SpongeBob:
Alright guys, I hate to be a party pooper, but it's a little late for all this noise. Time to wrap it up.

Ghost 3:
Oohh... big face doesn't want us as patrons anymore! How about we make like a tree... and leaf! [laughs]

SpongeBob:
Now wait just a minute, that is private property! Maybe you guys should leave!

Ghost 1:
Oh yeah? [ghost vomits]

SpongeBob:
Do I have to call-- [gets vomited on] Eww... ectoplasm.

Ghost 1:
Enough fooling around! How bout we have a good ol' time like we used to!? [ghosts chant as SpongeBob gasps. Ghosts destroy the Krusty Krab]

Mr. Krabs:
You better have a darn good reason for getting me outta bed! [ghosts continue partying inside as he gets slimed on]

Patrick:
That good enough for ya? [SpongeBob screams]

SpongeBob:
Mr. Krabs! Patrick! Help!

Patrick:
Sorry SpongeBob, but this is the part of the story where I run away again only this time I don't know where to run to, so I'm just gonna go circling around the building. [screams and starts running]

Mr. Krabs:
Looks like a certain foolish sponge has been conversin' with the unliving! All right you floating nuisances! Time for the bossman to mop up! [ghosts laughs] Batter up! H'ya! [whacks ghosts into bubble as a ghost roars] Yeah, and go back in which ye came! [pops bubble]

SpongeBob:
Hi, Mr. Krabs--

Mr. Krabs:
Never hold a séance, boy-o... without me permission, because ghosts are like relatives. Once you let them in, they never leave!

Kenny:
[takes out the oxygen tank and throws it on the ground] This gets real uncomfortable after a while. [breathes in. His face turns blue. He runs to the oxygen tank]

SpongeBob:
[enters the bathroom with a Krabby Patty on a plate] Sorry to bother you, Mr. the Cat, but I thought you'd just like a bite to... [drops the patty in shock] Whoa!

Kenny:
[breathes through the oxygen tank and sighs. SpongeBob starts to panic] Good thing I've got this oxygen tank and mask, or otherwise there's no way I'd be able to hold my breath for this long.

SpongeBob:
[camera zooms in to his heart which has a face similar to his. It loses a tooth and eye, then breaks] How could you, Kenny?! You broke my heart! Here I was this entire time believing your act, only to discover that it was nothing but... an act!

Kenny:
But it's not what you think!

SpongeBob:
There's no room for thoughts now. Only for tears. [runs away, sobbing]

Kenny:
SpongeBob, wait! [trips over the oxygen tank, and uses it again]

Mr. Krabs:
I'm back, fellas!

Squidward:
[still pulling on the Yeti Krab's head] Sorry, Mr. Krabs. I'm a little busy trying to pull off this stupid mask of yours.

Mr. Krabs:
Uh, Squidward?

Squidward:
What? [Squidward looks for a minute at Mr. Krabs and the Yeti Krab. He is finally convinced that the Yeti Krab is real, not Mr. Krabs in disguise. He shrieks as the Yeti Krab glares at him. The Yeti Krab grabs Squidward, Mr. Krabs, and the unconscious SpongeBob, ties them to the grill and turns the heat up to cook.]

Mr. Krabs:
We're as good as Yeti food! I blame Squidward!

SpongeBob:
Hey, Mr. Krabs. What's the good word?

Mr. Krabs:
Well, actually, SpongeBob, uh, there's two words. And they're not very good: You're fired.

SpongeBob:
[chuckles] Oh, Mr.- [realizes what he said] WHAT?!

Squidward:
Fired?!

Mr. Krabs:
Well, you see, I've been doing some calculating and, you know, crunching the old numbers. And it turns out that I'll save a whole nickel if I cut your salary. Completely.

SpongeBob:
Bu-bu-bu-but how about if I work for free?

Mr. Krabs:
Yeah, I looked into that. Apparently, it's "illegal." And I'll lose my "vendor's license." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Customer:
Uh, excuse me. Is that mine?

SpongeBob:
I don't know. Maybe. [Drops the plate and sniffs] Take it.

Mr. Krabs:
You know, I love you like a son. But you can't argue with a nickel.

SpongeBob:
But--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but--but...

Squidward:
Hey, what about me? Can I get fired too?

Mr. Krabs:
I'm afraid not, Squidward. You've got seniority.

Squidward:
Oh, yeah.

Mr. Krabs:
No. It's gonna be you, Son. [Give Spongebob a can] You're canned. Here's your pink slip, and I'm givin' ou an ax. [SpongeBob holds the ax but it splits him to half and turn him back to normal] You're fired!

SpongeBob:
[gasps and bursts into tears] No! Not that! Anything but that! [starts crying]

Mr. Krabs:
So, uh, if you could just hand over your spatula. Um...I'll just take that. [grunts as he tries to take spatula out of SpongeBob's hand]

SpongeBob:
[stops crying] Here. I'll get that for you. [takes his arm off and resumes crying]

Mr. Krabs:
I'll also need the hat. Allow me. [tries to take off SpongeBob's hat but it's connected. He succeeds with heavy resistence] Go ahead; take a moment to collect yourself. Long as you need. [walks away]

[SpongeBob's tears start to flood the Krusty Krab. Squidward's register boat floats away]

Old Man Walker:
[swims by sitting on a barrel] I'm not a very strong swimmer.

Squidward:
[comes over with a cranking hole maker and makes a hole in the floor and the tears drain through the hole. Walks away and comes back with a box carrier. He picks up SpongeBob with it] Okay, that's enough. It's closing time. [moves SpongeBob out of the Krusty Krab] You know, it just won't be the same around here without you. You'll have to visit sometime...[pushes SpongeBob off the box carrier and backs up through the Krusty Krab doors with it and Spongebob's cry stops] as a customer. [SpongeBob realizes that Squidward said and resumes crying. Squidward talks to him from the front door' '] Buh-bye now. Sayonara. Good riddance. [he closes the door and walks past a window] Man, it's going to be sweet without that pest around! [he stops as he sees SpongeBob looking through the window while whimpering and Squidward lowers a "Krabby Patty" ad to hide him] This day couldn't get any better. [turns around and see Mr. Krabs] Well, Eugene, let me commend you on a terrific business decision. But now that SpongeBob's gone, who will be running the grill?

Mr. Krabs:
Squidward, I'll have you know, [puts SpongeBob's hat on the top of his eye stalks] I was 5 times "golden spatula" in the navy, [holds up the spatula, still attached to SpongeBob's hand] so I'll be running the grill. [it catches on fire] Ooh!

Squidward:
I can smell the grease fires already.

SpongeBob:
I'm afraid I can't do this anymore, Patrick. Unemployment may be fun for you, but I need to get a job.

SpongeBob:
[someone knocks on the door. Goes towards the front door and opens it to see that nobody is there.] Hello. Hmm. That's odd. I could've sworn I heard a knock at the door. [Two fish dressed in hot dog costumes puts him between two big buns. SpongeBob yells while being muffled]

[The Hot Dog Minions takes him to "Weenie Hut" where Mr. Weiner handcuffs SpongeBob's right hand to pipe and SpongeBob's left hand to hot dog tongs]

SpongeBob:
[confused] Mr. Weenie?

Mr. Weiner:
Congratulations, SpongeBob, you've been promoted.

SpongeBob:
But you just fired me.

Mr. Weiner:
That's mustard under the bun, my boy. The important thing is my customers love your little sliders. [shows "Weenie Patty"] Now get to work!

SpongeBob:
[raises handcuffed hand] I'm pretty sure this is illegal. What am I gonna do now?

Pizza Pete:
[from the background] Pst! [shows him in the shadow] Hey, kid. You need help out of here? [leans out of the shadow]

SpongeBob:
Pizza Pete! Yes, please. That wiener has me chained to the grill, [Pizza Pete approaches him] and he really seems to be relishing it.

Pizza Pete:
I have something to free you. [yakes pizza sauce out]

SpongeBob:
Pizza sauce? [Pizza Pete puts the pizza sauce on both handcuffs and he slips them off] I'm free!

Pizza Pete:
Great! Now you can get to my grill. [takes bread stick out]

SpongeBob:
What? [Pizza Pete ties his hands with the breadstick] Parmesan-crusted breadstick?! [Pizza Pete takes him] Whoa!

Mr. Weiner:
[from the kitchen door] Hey! Where are you going with my fry cook?!

[Cuts SpongeBob being carried by Pizza Pete and screaming]

Noodleman:
[swipes SpongeBob with a pair of giant chopsticks and laughs while being on a roof] I'll take one fry-cook to go! [jumps off the roof and laughs again after landing. Señor Taco opens the door next to him and sends him away]

SpongeBob:
[lands] Oh, thank you, Señor Tac-! [Señor Taco grabs him with his suit] Oh, no! Not you too! [screams while Señor Taco carries him]

Pizza Pete, Mr. Weiner, and Noodleman:
[Señor Taco runs into them] Get him! [they jump on Señor Taco]

[Fight starts and smoke covers the screen that soon disappears to show all four of them stretching SpongeBob by pulling each of his limbs]

SpongeBob:
Whoa!

Noodleman:
Let go!

Mr. Weiner:
He's mine!

Senor Taco:
I was here first!

Pizza Pete:
No, I was!

[Scene expands to show someone in a Krabby Patty costume on the roof.]

Krabby Patty Man:
Stop! Unhand that sponge! [Jumps on Pizza Pete and punches him away. Takes Señor Taco and destroys his costume by gobbling it. Señor Taco runs away embarrassed.]

Noodleman:
[drops SpongeBob] It's the Killer Patty! [gets noodles squeezed out of his costume by Krabby Patty Man]

Mr. Weiner:
[Krabby Patty Man walks towards him and he drops SpongeBob before he gets to him] Here, take him! Just don't hurt me. [Whimpers with eyes closed. Opens eyes to see that Krabby Patty Man is gone and sighs. Starts humming while crossing the street and is hit by a bus] Aah!

[The scene changes to show SpongeBob waking up]

SpongeBob:
[opens eyes] Krabby Patty! You saved me! [Krabby Patty Man starts carrying him] Well, here we go again.

[Krabby Patty Man carries him to the Krusty Krab and walks past John, Blue Fred, and Thaddeus exiting it. Smokes comes out of the Krusty Krab when John opens the front door]

John:
Ugh! This place is terrible!

Blue Fred:
The Krusty Krab has really gone downhill.

[As they get inside, Krabby Patty Man puts SpongeBob down. Krusty Krab is a mess and there is smoke coming through the order window]

Nat Peterson:
[holding burned Krabby Patty] How can you serve this slop? [Throws it on the floor] I'm never eating here again! [Leaves]

Mr. Krabs:
[holding spatula in his hand and exiting the kitchen with one burnt eyebrow.] Wait! Come back! [drops spatula] That was me last customer. [SpongeBob and Krabby Patty Man approach] SpongeBob? [takes SpongeBob and lifts him.] Squidward, you found him!

SpongeBob:
[gasps] Squidward?

Squidward:
[takes Krabby Patty costume off] I'm afraid so. [kicks costume and leans hand towards SpongeBob] SpongeBob?

SpongeBob:
Yes?

Squidward:
You know I hate you, right?

SpongeBob:
Yes, I do.

Squidward:
Well, I hate the smell of burning Krabby Patties more. [he gets down on one pair of knees and takes SpongeBob's hand to propose... that he come back to the Krusty Krab] Please come back and be the fry cook again.

SpongeBob:
[turns to Mr. Krabs] Well, if it's okay with you, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs:
Oh, laddy. [takes SpongeBob] I shoulda never let you go. The Krusty Krab has fallen apart without you. You're rehired, boy.

SpongeBob:
[turns to Squidward who is still on knees] All right! Now my life has purpose again! [turns away] Let's get this place cleaned up. [jumps on the beam where bucket and mop are prepared and his hat already tied to the rope. Does the victory screech, jumps of the beam and cleans everything while swinging; including giving Mr. Krabs brand new suit and Squidward a brand new pink dress and crown.]

Squidward:
Hmm. [examines dress] Not exactly my color.

SpongeBob:
[cuts the rope tied to his hat, flies back to the kitchen through order window, takes patty off the grill and exits through the kitchen door with the Krabby Patty on the plate.] The Krusty Krab is back in business!

SpongeBob:
[as he enters, the Krusty Krab, he notices Squidward] Squidward! Squidward, can you believe I made it?! [Old Man Jenkins appears to be hanging from the razor-wires on SpongeBob, and groans]

Squidward:
Congratulations.

Mr. Krabs:
[appears] What are you doing, boy?! You're scaring all me customers with your foul stench!

SpongeBob:
[hugs Mr. Krabs] Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs:
[pushes SpongeBob off of him] Oh no, lad, you're not coming in here looking like that! [shot of SpongeBob looking like a wreck] You're going straight home for a nice long bubble bath! [Mr. Krabs pushes SpongeBob outside]

SpongeBob:
[sadly] Aye-aye, sir. [walks away]

Squidward:
What?! He gets to go home and take a bubble bath?! That's my thing!

Mr. Krabs:
Yes it is. And consequently, you are just neat as a pin! Now get to work!

Squidward:
I'm as neat as a pin? I'll show you neat as a pin! [he runs outside, and gets himself dirty by rolling in dirt, ripping off his shirt, and pouring dirt on his head] Where's my bubble bath, Mr. Krabs?! [Mr. Krabs sprays Squidward with a hose]

Mr. Krabs:
There you go! [a truck passes by and drives over a puddle, spraying Squidward, who is already laying in the puddle, with more water] Now get to work! [Sal exits out of his truck]

Sal:
Uh, you guys open? I have coupons! "Buy one, get one free!"

Mr. Krabs:
Oh no! It says "Buy one for a fee!"

Sal:
Oh! I stand corrected! [Mr. Krabs and Sal walk off-screen, leaving Squidward in the puddle, as the episode ends]

Mr. Krabs:
[checks his mirror which says, "Objects in Mirror Will Be Expensive." mirror pans to The Krusty Krab entrance and a sign saying "Broken Wall" appears] Oh, broken wall. [a sign saying "$15,000" appears] That's about $15,000. [the mirror pans to the inside of The Krusty Krab where smoke is coming out of the kitchen window and a sign saying "Kitchen Fire" appears] Oh, kitchen fire. [a sign saying "$6,523.87" appears] Oh, that'll be about 6 grand. Oh! A lawsuit? [mirror pans to Squidward hitting Harold on the head with a spatula and a sign saying "Lawsuit" appears along with a sign saying "$150,000,000,000."] Oh, that's a lot of zeroes! Oh. [his eyes deflate, but they quickly return back to normal]

[bubble transition to the boat breaking a "One Way" sign as Mr. Krabs gasps, then screams with SpongeBob as SpongeBob drives the wrong way on the road, avoiding other boats and a gasoline truck. The boat then goes out of control for a few seconds before stopping on the road again]

SpongeBob:
Well, at least I didn't hit the Krusty Krab that time. [chuckles nervously. The scene cuts to the other boats that were avoiding Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob crashing into the Krusty Krab, including the gasoline truck which destroys the Krusty Krab in a fiery explosion and leaving a charred Squidward left standing]

Squidward:
[quickly removes his relaxing stuff and takes out a phone book] Let's see here. Friends. [coughs and then blows away the dust, then sighs] [while looking through the phone book] Friends, friends... [keeps flipping the pages until he spots the number, "555-5717". Squidward gets surprised until it is revealed that the number was formed by little bugs] Hm. Yeah, I wonder if I still have my receipt for this thing. No big deal. Anybody can make a friend by... [reveals more of the card that says...] "TONIGHT!"? [walks around the house] Let's see. There must be someone who's a real part of your life, Squidward. Who do you see every single day? Who do you know like the back of your suction cups? [sees SpongeBob out the window, laughing and playing with his jump rope] But, of course! It's so simple. [runs outside. SpongeBob falls on his jump rope] SpongeBob, I have something to ask you.

SpongeBob:
[happily blinks his eyes to the camera] Of course, I'll go to the opening with you!

Squidward:
That wasn't the question. Which way did the mailman go?

Perch Perkins:
And here comes Squidward Tentacles and what must be either a bizarre piece of performance art or the saddest display of loneliness it has ever been my displeasure to report. One is inclined to suspect the second thing I said. The thing about sadness!

Fish:
Right here is where all the biggest business decisions in the business are made. Why, if an imposter were to be caught in here, hmm…

Patrick:
He’d be given a sandwich and sent on his way?

Fish:
No, he’d be convicted as a corporate spy and sent to jail forever and ever and ever.

[The pen is hurling towards Simmy. SpongeBob, in slow motion, runs to Simmy.]

SpongeBob:
[in slow motion] Simmy! Look out! There's a candied pen heading straight for your eye due to my act of swatting it away without first considering the trajectory! Oh, I wish I could give my words out faster, but everything's in slow motion! [The pen is about to hit Simmy.] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[However, instead of hitting Simmy, it went through the robot. The pen lands on the ground and rolls to a projector. SpongeBob bangs on the projector, revealing that Simmy and Tally was just a trash can and a ball wash post.]

SpongeBob:
Simmy and Tally are holograms? Then that means... [The projector reveals that the world's most exciting roller coaster was actually a rotting corpse of a sea monster.]

Squidward:
I was riding that? What about those delicacies I was eating?

[The projector reveals that the food Squidward ate was just rotten chum. The projector also revealed that the pen he was sucking on was a caterpillar. Squidward freaks out and rubs his tongue in disgust. The projector reveals that the van Plankton drove on was an old broken down van. Mr. Krabs gasps in wonder what the stuffed walruses were. But nothing happens.]

Mr. Krabs:
Whew! That was a clo... [The projector reveals that the stuffed walruses were actually fish skeletons. Mr. Krabs screams in terror and the skeletons crumble to dust.] You saved me, boy. How did you do it?

SpongeBob:
I guess my mind was all sharp from the relaxing fun I had at your company picnic, Mr. Krabs.

[Plankton walks up to them.]

Plankton:
Unbelievable! [Mr. Krabs picks up Plankton.] Uh oh. [Mr. Krabs puts Plankton on the disk-shaped paper with mustard and throws him out in the distance. Once it landed, there was an explosion.]

SpongeBob:
[jumps up as a rainbow appears and jellyfish fly around] The greatest company picnic ever!

Mr. Krabs:
Alright, enough relaxing. Back to work! [laughs as he leaves]

[The episode ends with SpongeBob still being in the air and an angry Squidward gets stung in the head by a jellyfish.]

Squidward:
What are we all winking about?

SpongeBob:
I don't know! [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs continues to wink, much to Squidward's annoyance.]

SpongeBob:
[after seeing a truck, he hides Senor Poopus behind his back, run and trips over a snail, and falls face flat in the sand. He emerges with his face full of sand and disfigured like Quasimodo] Sanctuary! Sanctuary! Everybody in. Everybody in!

Mr. Krabs:
[singing] Oh... I wonder, wonder, wonder how many Krabby Patties must we make?

Squidward:
Wonder no longer. You only need 1.

Mr. Krabs:
[gasps; singing backwards] ⸮ekam ew tsum seittaP ybbaK ynam woh rednow, rednow, rednow I ...hO (Oh... I wonder, wonder, wonder how many Krabby Patties must we make?) What do you mean "1"?

Squidward:
Didn't you see today's newspaper?

Mr. Krabs:
"No takers for McNulty Challenge". Ha! What's that suppose to mean?

Squidward:
He's the current champion. He only needs to eat 1 patty to win.

[The scene changes to Squidward at the Krusty Krab, then Patrick comes in.]

Patrick:
I invented a game! I invented a game!

Squidward:
[doesn't want to know what the game is] Whoopee. Do tell.

Patrick:
Well, you know how hard "Tic-Tac-Toe" is and how it always takes so long to play?

Squidward:
Uh-huh.

Patrick:
Yeah! Well, I made it easier and faster!

Squidward:
[sighs] I know I'm gonna hate myself for saying this, but what do you got?

Patrick:
It's called... [holds out a notebook] "Tic-Tac"! You start with two lines that are crossed. And then the first person puts an X. And then the next person puts an, uh... [thinks]

Squidward:
O?

Patrick:
Oh, yeah! An O! And the first person to get two in a row draws a line through them and says, "Tic-Tac"!. [rips off the paper and laughs] You start!

[Squidward draws an X then Patrick draws an O. Squidward draws another X and draws a line through them.]

Squidward:
Tic-Tac.

Patrick:
Uh... [rips off another paper] Best two out of four?

French Narrator:
[narrating time card] Many Tic-Tacs later...

[Squidward and Patrick had been playing "Tic-Tac" for a while. As they played one more time, Patrick becomes worried as Squidward draws in the notebook.]

Squidward:
Tic and Tac.

Patrick:
I should've gone with my first idea: "Tic."

[The X's, O's, and the writing of the Galley Grub starts disappearing before the scene changes to Squidward riding his recumbent bicycle. Patrick runs up to him.]

Patrick:
Squidward, I got a new game! It's called "Rock, Paper, Butter"! [holds out a stick of butter melting in his hand]

Squidward:
Butter invent a different game! [laughs]

[Squidward rides away as Patrick eats the stick of butter and sulks sadly back home. The scene changes to Squidward watering his garden. Patrick shows up with two ropes. A long one and a short one.]

Patrick:
Squidward, I got it! [throws the ropes on the ground] Whose Rope Is Longer? You... [Squidward picks up the long rope before Patrick finishes] You played this before!

Patrick:
Welcome, gamers! And behold! [thunderclaps] My game!

[Patrick's game board is made out of random board games and is shaped like Patrick himself.]

SpongeBob:
It's beautiful!

Squidward:
[yawns] Are we finished? Who won? [Sandy, disgusted by Squidward's rude behavior, nudges him, much to Squidward's annoyance]

Patrick:
[laughs] No, my friend. We have only just begun.

Sandy:
What's it called, Patrick?

Squidward:
Might I suggest "Garbage"? [Sandy growls at Squidward] What?

SpongeBob:
Yeah, Patrick. What's it called?

[As Patrick thinks, Mini Brain Patrick pushes a light bulb out of his head and it lights up.]

Patrick:
It's called... "Patrick! The Game!" [thunderclaps]

SpongeBob:
Wow!

Squidward:
Could we just get started already? I'm late for my coma. [still annoyed by Squidward, Sandy zips Squidward's mouth shut]

SpongeBob:
Hey, Squidward, you finally understand the rules!

Squidward:
Oh, I get the rules alright. The rules are that it doesn't matter what anybody rolls! You can just make up whatever it means! [takes the dice and rolls them] So I could just roll the dice and say, "Automatic Winner!"

SpongeBob:
Good job, Squidward! You've won!

Sandy:
Nice play, Squidward!

Squidward:
Huh? Oh, you know what, you're right. That was a good play.

Patrick:
Not so fast! [writes on his rule card] No player may declare himself "Automatic Winner."

Squidward:
You did it again. [becomes furious] You made up another rule! THIS GAME IS THE WORST! STUPID GAME!

[Infuriated with Patrick's constant rules, Squidward attacks Patrick. SpongeBob and Sandy run off while Squidward grabs Patrick's game board and shakes it off of Patrick. Then he throws Patrick in the air and when Patrick landed, the game breaks in half. Squidward then puts a piece of the game board in his mouth and shakes his head like a dog. He stomps on it with both feet out of insane anger. However, the police arrives at the scene.]

Highway Speed Patrol:
Destruction to private property.

[Patrick, who's visibly enraged at Squidward for destroying his game, writes on his rule card and gives it to the police. Squidward tries to walk away but Nancy O'Malley and the Highway Speed Patrol follow him.]

Highway Speed Patrol:
Oh, and I see here you are a repeat offender. You're going to real jail. [he and Nancy O'Malley grab Squidward and throw him in the police car]

Squidward:
Anything to get out of this game! Thanks, Officers! [however, the blue cellmate comes back inside the box]

Blue Cellmate:
Welcome back!

Squidward:
Somebody say my name! [the police car drives away as the episode ends with Patrick appearing on a game board box]

Patrick:
[to the viewers] GAME OVER!

[The episode begins with many customers at the Krusty Krab while Squidward is awakened from his normal nap when Mr. Krabs makes an announcement.]

Mr. Krabs:
Listen up, crew, I have an announcement. Bikini Bottom's newest sports stadium will officially be named after this restaurant!

SpongeBob:
"The Krusty Krab Stadium." Wow!

Mr. Krabs:
Paying for the naming rights, will make me millions!

SpongeBob:
[grabs a foam hand and a pennant] Opening day is today! Tailgate party! [running past Mr. Krabs]

Mr. Krabs:
[he pulls SpongeBob back] Not for you! Your tails have to stay here and pay me back some of that money I spent.

SpongeBob:
[grabs a green foam hat] Hurray for Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs:
While I'm gone, Squidward mans the helm. [leaves the restaurant]

Charlton Hawkfish:
This is what you get when so-called fish kind in all its hubris and ignorance stoop so low... [points to Mr. Krabs and Crupski] ...as to cut corners in its plumbing system! Extinction is the result of being cheap!

Mr. Krabs:
What a bunch of malarkey.

Charlton Hawkfish:
At least we didn't waken the great sewer snake. [sees the sewer snake behind him as he looks up] Check that.

[All of the customers run out of the stadium upon seeing the sewer snake, but Charlton does not go back down. He throws the axe, pulls up he sleeves, and runs heroically towards the snake. However, he has an idea on how to defeat it. He points to his nose.]

Sewer Snake:
[with a squeaky voice] Uh-oh.

[Charlton pokes the snake with his pointy nose and the snake yelps and flies around like a balloon and falls back through the hole and into the sewers. Back at the Krusty Krab, the toilet erupts with water and floods the restroom. The water bursts out of the restroom with the safe covered in filth. The safe is opened by Squidward who along with SpongeBob are covered in sewage.]

Squidward:
Hey, everybody. The cook's back from the toilet.

SpongeBob:
Who's hungry?

[All customers then burst out from the Krusty Krab, screaming and freaking out, as the episode ends.]

SpongeBob:
Wow! Another Mermaid Man reboot. It's how I always re-imagined the reboot would be remade. [wind blows; shivers] Ooh, cold knees!

Salesfish:
[drives by, then park and jumps out of his boat with a suitcase] Well you see you got cold knees, icy joints like... vivian, patellas? What you need is a pair of longpants.

SpongeBob:
Longpants? [twists around looking at the pants spin around him]

SpongeBob:
I don't get it. We have been staring at this table for three hours. That table could use a cleaning.

Squidward:
Shh! Some people are trying to enjoy le cinema.

SpongeBob:
Oh! Hey Squidward! Hey, do you understand what this movie is about?

Squidward:
Nobody does, it's art, now sit down!

SpongeBob:
Hey Squidward?

Squidward:
[loudly] What?!

SpongeBob:
Are you remembering to flip the patties clockwise? It's very important because the heat..

Squidward:
[really loud] PLEASE SIT DOWN!

Movie Theater Attendant:
[shines a flashlight in Squidward's face] I'm sorry sir, you're being too loud. I am going to have to ask you to leave.

Squidward:
[grumbling as he is walking away]

SpongeBob:
Oh, wait, Squidward, I'll walk you out. [Squidward continues to grumble as he exits the theater] Squidward!

Larry:
You see before you is a combination of my lifelong dream! A place of my own where I can work out everyday and anytime I want, Larry's Gym! [crowd is cheering again]

Larry:
Looking out at this sea of plastic muscles and sagging flesh, frankly, I'm disgusted.

Crowd:
Awwww!

Larry:
I'm now opening the gym to everyone in Bikini Bottom! [crowd cheers for the third time] ...For the price of a lifetime membership.

Crowd:
Awww! [looks down]

Larry:
But today, everything is free!

[The crowd cheers and runs into gym.]

[The scene changes to the Krusty Krab late at night. SpongeBob is happily flipping the patties on the grill.]

Squidward:
Well, that was the last customer, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob:
[places his two spatulas in his pockets] Oh, what a great day.

Squidward:
And you know why it was a great day? Because Krabs never even showed up!

[The scene changes to Larry's gym getting ready to close up for the night. Larry is walking by the steam room until he sees steam coming out.]

Larry:
Huh? [sniffs] What is that smell? [jiggles the doorknob] Mr. Krabs, how long have you been in there?!

[Larry pulls the door off and sees Mr. Krabs as a cooked up crab on a plate with melted butter and lemons on the side, meaning that he had been in the steam room too long.]

Mr. Krabs:
I think I'm done! Would you mind rubbin' a little butter on me? [the episode ends]

SpongeBob:
Patrick, you are making very poor choices!

Mr. Krabs:
You know somethin'? [jumps off the bench and points at Cashina] You look like $1,000,000 when you smile. [Cashina giggles again; Mr. Krabs gets down onto one knee] Cashina, would you make this old crab's day... and allow me to take you to a place where you can buy me dinner? [smiles again]

Cashina:
I'd love to... [her face becomes completely transparent as the rest of her darkens, revealing none other than Plankton inside, sitting on a chair and controlling Cashina by means of a lever, a control panel with buttons, a joystick, and a microphone on it, and a camera]

Plankton:
[puts his hand over the microphone] ...Scam you out of your secret formula, that is. [laughs evilly as Cashina's face reappears; she covers her mouth as Plankton's laugh only comes out as a small giggle]

Beatrice:
...And that's why today, we all wear shoes.

Marina:
Okay, okay, We get it. We will stop being mean, I promise. Just let us go.

All:
Whoa! [groaning]

Marina:
Listen, Pearl. We didn't mean to hurt your feeling or anything. We just, like, think it's weird that you're, like, a grandma now or whatever. We don't really get it.

Pearl:
Well, I don't care what you think anymore anyway. I'm being true to myself, and--and that's all that matters!

Mr. Krabs:
SpongeBob, you old patty junkie! Welcome home son! [SpongeBob glances at Patrick]

Patrick:
It's okay, I hate work anyway. [everyone laughs]

SpongeBob:
Oh, Patrick!

Patrick:
No really, I do hate work! [everyone laughs even harder, even Patrick starts laughing] Everybody's laughing! Oh hey SpongeBob, I got something for ya!

SpongeBob:
Yes, Patrick?

[Patrick gives SpongeBob two thumbs-ups, as well as SpongeBob. The crowd cheers, SpongeBob's and Patrick's thumbs launch into the air, and explode into a big "THE END" and the episode ends]

SpongeBob:
Showdown? I can't fight in a showdown! I'll have to go into the Witness Protection program, [goes through pictures of The Krusty Krab] I'll have to quit working at The Krusty Krab, I'll never flip a succulent Krabby Patty ever again. Oh, what have I done? [notices a note next to Gary's food bowl and picks it up and reads it.] "Hey yo Sponge-o, we were in your neck of the woods and decided to pickup your beloved pet Gary, if you wanna see him you better hightail your porous caboose over to the showdown, sincerely Sharkface and the other Sharks", Gary! No! [runs through the wall and out of his house, but runs back and breaks through the door.] I have to save Gary, I have to go to the showdown! I have to get ready to fight! [puts on shades; gets 100% lard patty oil and dips his head in it, and then has some hair, he uses his hair to hit a punching bag, and then spins around two spatulas and slices almost everything in the room.] I'm ready!

Plankton:
Quickly, man! Before you fade, what's the formula?!

SpongeBob Copy:
It's easy. You take one par... Whoa! I don't feel so good... [Disappears]

Plankton:
Wait, no! [Each time he goes near a copy, he says "The formula!" but then each copy disappears. Scene cuts to a bunch of other copies cleaning the roof, mowing the lawn, and some other things but they disappear. Then the scene cuts to Patrick playing with some of the copies but they disappear also.]

Patrick:
Life is but a walking shadow. Ha-lube-lube-lube-lube-lube... [Stopped because he gets hit by a lawnmower and gets split into 9 mini copies of himself. Scene transitions to Plankton running over to the final copy.]

Plankton:
What's the formula?! [Mr. Krabs enters.]

Mr. Krabs:
Well, I did it. I calculated 1 paycheck down into 300 separate tiny checks. Only one of you left? Here.

[The copy vanishes]

Plankton:
Geez, what a cheapskate.

[Squidward presents himself at SpongeBob's home, dressed up in typical German clothes, in order to convince him that a German family has moved there]

Squidward:
[with a German accent] Ehm... German hello...?

SpongeBob:
ACH! Guten Morgen! Mein Name ist SpongeBob.

Squidward:
[baffled] Say what?

SpongeBob:
Guten Morgen! Mein Name ist SpongeBob. Ich bin gekommen, um meine alte Heimat zu besuchen.

Squidward:
Please, would you speaken Sie English? I need za practice...

Plankton:
I guess I didn't really think that through.

Mr. Krabs:
I figured the funeral fortune was phony, Plankton.

Plankton:
Oh, yeah?! What are you going to do about it, Eugene?

Mr. Krabs:
Nothing, Sheldon. [holds a fortune cookie] Here, have a fortune cookie. [gives Plankton the fortune cookie]

Plankton:
[opens fortune cookie and starts reading the fortune teller] Eh. "You will go on a long voyage where you will get everything you deserve." [gets picked up by Mr. Krabs] Hey!

[the ending follows to a Chinese restaurant where Plankton pops out of a fortune cookie and is avoiding the chopsticks.]

Plankton:
Ahh! Hey! [gets grabbed by the chopsticks] Ooh! Mommy! [a chomping noise is heard]

Patrick:
[awkward] Good evening, ladies and... the other ones. I know you're all excited to see the 400th commercial, but before we see it, I just want to say... [Patrick looks at SpongeBob, who gives him a thumbs up. Then he turns to the audience.] That... [looks at Don and Mr. Krabs] that... Frozen Krabby Patties are...

SpongeBob:
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Patrick:
[determining] ...Made with sand! [The audience gasps in shock.]

Mr. Krabs:
[shocked] Oh, no! [Mr. Krabs faints in Don's arms again.]

Don Grouper:
That was cute when you were rich. [drops Mr. Krabs and surrenders with his hands up guiltily] I'm out of here. [Don leaves the stage as the audience vomit out sand. In doing so, their butts shrink down to their normal size. The scene changes to a graph of the Frozen Krabby Patty sales going down.]

Perch Perkins:
And in shocking news today, it has been revealed that Frozen Krabby Patties are made with sand.

[As everyone is watching the news, various people vomit out sand and their butts shrink back to normal. One of which vomits out palm trees. Another vomits out patty-shaped sand. Another vomits out sand shaped like a rectangular box. Another vomits sand through his eye sockets. Another vomits out sand with a snail in it. Then their butts begins to shrivel up afterwards. Not wanting to take this anymore, the customers decided once and for all to throw away all of the frozen patties they bought. Mr. Krabs is seen near a trashcan, depressed. The Krusty Factory is being closed down and pushed away by construction workers.]

Mr. Krabs:
Well, it's gone. Everything I spent me life building is all gone. I'm ruined. [sobs]

SpongeBob:
Oh no! The nuts stopped!

Patrick:
Hold on! I got this! [Patrick pokes the tree with his umbrella, but much to his horror, the tree cracks, loses its leaves and inexplicably dies. SpongeBob and Patrick scream.]

SpongeBob:
Oh no! Patrick, we have to do something! Sandy'll never forgive us if we ruined her tree!

Patrick:
And I'll never forgive her if she runs out of Nutty Butter!

SpongeBob [to Mr. Krabs] :
Let's see what other nice people are saying. [He walks out of Mr. Krabs office. Moments later, SpongeBob is standing in front of the bulletin board, screaming and clutching his head] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Dave:
What are you shrieking about? [SpongeBob hurriedly covers a space of the bulletin board]

SpongeBob [evasively]:
Nothing, I just love to shriek! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

SpongeBob:
Positions everyone! [SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward position themselves to protect the Krabby Patty at all costs. Suddenly, they hear something growling in the bushes. They get scared by the growling sound until a small snail pops out and meows.] Aww. Hey, little fella. [SpongeBob thought the snail was harmless and friendly. But to his surprise, the snail transforms into a monster and roars at them. Everyone screams and the snail monster grabs the Krabby Patty.]

SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs and Squidward:
THE PATTY! [The snail monster begins to fly away with the Krabby Patty.]

SpongeBob:
[Panics and runs around] Oh, what are we gonna do?!

Mr. Krabs:
Don't eat my patty! [Mr. Krabs grabs Squidward and throws him in the air. Squidward ends up in the snail monster's claws and the monster eats Squidward. However, the monster spits Squidward out and rubs his tongue, meaning that he didn't like the taste of Squidward. Squidward falls flat on his face in the ground and SpongeBob catches the Krabby Patty.]

SpongeBob:
Squidward, you've saved the Krabby Patty!

Squidward:
Whoopee.

SpongeBob:
Pen Pal, this one's for you. [SpongeBob's plane drives down the runway and slowly begins to take off. SpongeBob pulls down the lever and the plane starts to fly. The audience cheers in astonishment.] Whoo-hoo! I'm flying! Yee-haw! [Suddenly, to SpongeBob's surprise, Patrick is running on the runway below him.]

Patrick:
Hey, SpongeBob! I can't believe you can actually fly like you said in your letter!

SpongeBob:
Patrick? You're Pen Pal?

Patrick:
[laughs] Duh! [laughs]

SpongeBob:
But... but you said you were dying! You're not dying!

Patrick:
Dying? Oh, oh! You didn't read the whole letter!

SpongeBob:
[pulls out the letter] See? It says, "I wish I could watch you fly because I am dying!"

Patrick:
[pulls out his second letter] And here's the second page! "To see you as a real pilot, SpongeBob. Here are some other things I like to see: candy rain, a firetruck full of clowns, and... a bunch of other stuff."

SpongeBob:
It all makes sense now! [laughs] Oh, Patrick! [laughs]

Patrick:
[laughs as his letter slips off his hands] You thought I was dying!

[Gary answers the door and sees Plankton in the disguise as a salesman. Plankton gently pets Gary, but Gary growls angrily at him.]

Plankton:
Why, hey there, little fella! Is SpongeBob... [clears throat] I mean your master at home? [Plankton's fake ear slips, but he pushes it back.] Eh, perhaps I could just come inside for a minute and demonstrate our fine snail products.

[Plankton opens his case and shows snail care products.]

Plankton:
Shell polish, slime deodorant, chew toys...

Gary:
Meow! [Gary slams the door on Plankton, breaking off part of his disguise.]

Plankton:
My leg!

[Patrick comes with a yellow balloon and is still riding the skateboard upside down.]

Sandy:
Hey, Patrick. Have you noticed that everyone's acting a lot like you today?

[Patrick eats the balloon and it pops inside his mouth which deflates his head. Patrick lifts his head up.]

Patrick:
I don't understand the question. [leaves and continues riding the skateboard upside down]

SpongeBob:
Gee, why is Mr. Krabs to Krabby today?

Squidward:
Porbrably because it”s payday.

Mr. Krabs:
Paydays been parceled! Now hear this. I’m captain of this ship, Captain Krabs! As I say “No Rip Current No ever charm the Krusty Krab.”

SpongeBob:
Here you go, Mr. Krabs. You earned it.

Mr. Krabs:
Well, boy-yo, you believed in me. So, today will be a payday for you.

Squidward:
What about me?

Mr. Krabs:
You, Ex-Captain Squidward, have gone from payday to mayday! Mush! Every last one of ya! All the way back to Bikini Bottom! [laughs]

[The episode ends with Squidward and the customers pulling the Krusty Krab back to Bikini Bottom while SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs sit on the roof.]

Patrick:
HEY! Where do you think you're going, chum chewer? [Patrick grabs Squidward and holds him up. Patrick and SpongeBob are now angry at Squidward for what he tried to do.]

Squidward:
Hey, come on! This is just a big misunderstanding! Ferry, fairy: They're two different words that just happen to sound alike! [SpongeBob holds up a bucket of chum meat.]

SpongeBob:
Open wide, Squidward!

Squidward:
NO! [Squidward's teeth scream and they jump out of his mouth. Squidward's teeth go into the water and swim towards the Tooth Ferry, ending the episode.]