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[after Kuwabara rants about his new love of Yukina]

Yusuke Urameshi:
I guess he feel out of love to you.

Botan:
[sarcastic]: Oh darn...

[after Kuwabara rants about his new love of Yukina]

Yusuke Urameshi:
I guess he's done being in love with you, Botan.

Botan:
[Sarcasticly] Darn.

[after learning Cameron's postponed her HIV test]

Dr. Gregory House:
Cameron, I love you. [she opens her mouth in shock; he quickly swabs the inside of her cheek] Get your test results tomorrow.

[after leaving a terrible dinner party]

Larry:
What's the level of anger here? What am I dealing with?

Cheryl:
Well, I'd have to say at least an 8.7.

Larry:
8.7? That's not that bad. I thought it would be at least a 9.

Cheryl:
It was a 9. Then you broke that lamp, and the crazy woman screamed at you, and it got you some pity points.

Larry:
Pity points. That's fabulous, I love pity points. But how can I get to a 7? I know a 6 is out of the question, but is there any way I can get to a 7?

[after losing the title to Clubber, Rocky sees a dying Mickey]

Rocky:
Mick?

Mickey:
[gasps for air] What? Is it over?

Rocky:
Yeah, yeah it's all over.

Mickey:
Hey, what happened?

Rocky:
It was a knockout.

Mickey:
What round? What round?

Rocky:
Second round.

Mickey:
[thinking Rocky had won] I knew it. That's good. We did it, huh?

Rocky:
We did it. We did it. You don't have to worry about nothing no more. Everything's going to be okay Mick.

Mickey:
Yeah we did it.

Rocky:
You gotta get to the hospital, Mick. You're not as young as you used to be.

Mickey:
You're the winner. We did everything right. I did everything right.

Rocky:
No, no, listen to me. You done everything right. Listen, we got more to do. Mick, whatever you want to do, we'll do it. Okay?

Mickey:
I love you, kid. I love you. [gasps harder] Your instinct... [stops breathing]

Rocky:
Mick? MICK! [sobs] M...Mick? It isn't...Speak to me! [breaks down]

[after Mai helps Zuko and the others escape]

Azula:
I never expected this from you. The thing I don't understand is why? Why would you do it? You *know* the consequences.

Mai:
I guess you just don't know people as well as you think you do. You miscalculated. I love Zuko... more than I fear you.

Azula:
[enraged] No *you* miscalculated! You should have feared me more!

[they go into fighting stances; Ty Lee intervenes, hits Azula with her chi-blocking jabs; Azula gasps in shock and falls, immobilized]

Ty Lee:
[grabbing Mai] Come on! Let's get out of here!

[the guards capture them]

Azula:
You're both fools!

Guard:
What shall we do with them, Princess?

Azula:
Put them somewhere I'll never have to see their faces again, and let them *rot*!

[after making love with John Prescott for the first time]

Tracey Temple:
[voiceover] Some people think that sleeping with the boss is a stupid idea, but I like to consider myself more open-minded than most. Sure, it has its risks. But it also has its rewards. The way I see it is like this: if you don't try something new every once in a while, how will you know whether you'll enjoy it?

[after Mark James has introduced himself to John, and hassled Sam. John hands Sam his skateboard, which has skidded across the floor]

Sam:
Thanks. Gotta love the classics: Homecoming king versus the science nerd. Just get better with time, don't they?

John:
Listen, Mark is...

Sam:
Soon to be irrelevant. He's in the third year of the best four years of his life. [opens John's locker for him, which John has been struggling to do, then walks away]

[After Mia accidently runs into a trolley with her car]

Nun #1:
[on her cell phone] 911, I'd like to report an accident... They put me on hold!

Nun #2:
Oh, for the love of God!

[after Michael tells Jim he loves Holly]

Michael Scott:
Well, it's love at first sight. Actually, it was... No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.

[after Mighty Joe Jon's prank]

Kim:
Jon, honey, don't punch the window. Hey, what's going on?

Jon:
Sorry. I just -- I can't concentrate. I'm just too pissed off.

Kim:
Oh, will you get over it, Jon? It's -- It was a prank. You love pranks.

Jon:
No, see, I thought I loved pranks. And I don't. Pranks aren't funny.

Kim:
Don't lose your sense of humor. It was funny.

Jon:
It was mean, and it was malicious.

Kim:
But that's what pranks are.

Jon:
I don't even know what is real anymore, okay? Maybe everything here is a prank.

Kim:
What? Maybe what is a prank?

Jon:
My life, Kim. Maybe me witnessing the murder was a prank. Maybe they set that guy up. Maybe you coming into the rage cage was a prank. Maybe you're an actress and the network hired you to pretend you're in love with me.

Kim:
Wow! Yeah. Yeah, maybe, uh, maybe Susan was a prank.

Jon:
Maybe!

Kim:
Maybe David was a prank.

Jon:
Maybe! I don't know!

Kim:
You know what, they couldn't PAY ME enough to be with you!

Jon:
Wait. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Stop! Are you in love with me, or are you in prank with me?

Kim:
...I'm going for a walk.

Jon:
Exactly. Can't answer the question.

Kim:
That's right. [leaves]

Jon:
Exactly right!

[after Miss Hoecakes won the pageant]

Miss Hoecakes:
Well, I never in a million years thought I'd be Miss Brunswick Stew.

Hoop:
I don't remember any Miss Brunswick Stew.

Moo-Moo:
Oh, lord.

[cuts to the next scene where Miss Brunswick Stew was killed in a bathtub full of stew]

Mayor:
Well, maybe she just accidentally cubed herself and fell into this tubful of hot bod of vegetables.

Moo-Moo:
[tastes the stew with a ladle] Still hot.

Stroker:
Oh, this is disgusting.

Hoop:
Uh, Moo-Moo, I don't think--

Moo-Moo:
[slurps another taste] Avocado? In Brunswick Stew? Well, that ain't southern. It's delicious, but it sure ain't southern. [also bites a dirty cornbread]

Stroker:
[throws up]

Mayor:
I love cornbread.

[After Nefretiri kisses Rameses and he shoves her away]

Rameses:
I know you, my sweet. You're a sharp-clawed, treacherous little peacock. But you're food for the gods, and I'm going to have all of you

Nefretiri:
None of me. Did you think my kiss was a promise of what you'll have? No, my pompous one, it was to let you know what you will not have. I could never love you.

Rameses:
Does that matter? You will be my wife. You will come to me whenever I call you. And I will enjoy that very much. Whether you enjoy it or not is your own affair. But I think you will.

[Rameses leaves and Nefretiri wipes her lips in disgust]

[after Niles tells Frasier that Maris is asleep on his bed, under the coats]

Daphne Moon:
Dr. Crane, were you sniffing my hair?

Niles:
Why would I do a thing like that? I'm a happily married man. I love my Maris.

Guest:
Where should I put this coat?

Niles:
Just throw it on the bed.

[after Pauleen felt uncomfortable from being admired by fans in the store]

Danny:
Oh, they're your fans, honey, they love you. But it's not you, remember? It's Lara Dawn.

Pauleen Anderson:
[cries in anger] It is me! It was me out there and it's me in those films!

[she runs off in tears]

[after putting out Laura's oven fire]

Steve Urkel:
You're safe now, Missy.

Laura:
Thank you, Steve. Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment. But, it's only a compliment and it doesn't mean anything more than that.

Steve Urkel:
Oh, I understand.

Laura:
You did good.

Steve Urkel:
You love me, don't you?

[After Ray and Della Bea finish making love]

Ray Charles:
I want you to promise me something. Promise me you're gonna always tell me the truth just like you did before. Don't feel sorry for me just because I'm blind.

Della Bea Robinson:
How can I pity someone I admire?

[after Real Drinky Crow finishes off Lieutenant Vronchy]

Drinky Crow:
WHERE IS SHE?!?

Lieutenant Vronchy:
Oh, please! The mermaid, she no exist! They are fantasies, hatched in the minds of drunk, frustrated sailors who look at sea cows.

[cuts to the next scene where a sailor is in love with Sam Walrus]

Drinky Crow:
How dare you call her FAT!?

[After Ricky takes off in Reese's car, the police hot on his tail]

Walker:
Grandpa, how about you take us fishin' and tell us life lessons, and stories about your childhood?

Reese Bobby:
I got a better idea. How 'bout you boys go around back and dig a hole, and I'll go get another beer?

Texas Ranger:
Someone didn't love you enough when you were little, did they?

Reese Bobby':
That's a good call. [he hands Texas Ranger his beer] Here, that's worth a nickel.

Texas Ranger:
Tragic.

[After Round 14 against Ivan Drago]

Rocky:
What round is it?

Duke:
15. One more round. There's no stoppin' us now. This is our round.

[As the crowd chants "Rocky! Rocky!", Nicoli Koloff leaves his seat at the Soviet Poliburo to go to ringside]

Duke:
No stoppin' now! You start and you don't stop! All your strength! All your power! All your love! Everything you've got!

[Nicoli Koloff goes to Drago's corner to speak to Rimsky]

Nicoli Koloff:
[in Russian] You trained this fool. He's a disgrace. [?? ??????? ????? ??????. ?? ?????.] [to Drago] Listen to them.... [???????? ?? ....] Our people cheer for HIM!... You idiot! [???? ???? ?????? ?? ????! ... ?? ?????.] [shoves Drago's head] WIN! [????????!]

[Drago turns, glares at Koloff, and grabs him by the throat]

Ludmilla Drago:
[shouts to Drago, in Russian] No! [???!!]

[Drago drops Koloff]

Ivan Drago:
[to Koloff, in Russian] I fight to win! For me! [? ??????, ????? ????????! ??? ????!] [turns to the Soviet Poliburo] FOR ME!! [??? ????!!]

[Meanwhile, at Rocky's corner...]

Duke:
To win, you gotta knock him out! Punch and punch, till you can't punch no more! This is your whole life here!

Paulie:
Yeah, knock him out, Rocko.

[Bell rings]

Duke:
Do it now! Now!!

[after rubbing a contestant's head]

Herself - Guest Host:
You know, I love a crew haircut. It feels like mink.

[after Rupert has said that he loved the victim]

Detective Don Flack:
Yeah, and nothing says "I love you back" like an order of protection.

[after Sam gets amazing massage from Travis]

Polly Nguyen:
You finished with Travis?

Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez:
Yeah.

Polly Nguyen:
He mow your lawn?

Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez:
No. It was a great massage, but he didn't do anything inappropriate. I think he knows I work here.

Polly Nguyen:
No, he doesn't! I just heard two more hot chicks talk. First girl, two explosion! None for you too bad.

Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez:
Doesn't make any sense. I was laying on the table. Naked. Me!

Polly Nguyen:
You want me touch you down there?

Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez:
[considers it] No, no thanks.

Polly Nguyen:
Look on bright side. No have to fire him! Ok, I love you!

[after seeing a rat while searching for a secret route to the library]

William of Baskerville:
The rats love parchment even more than scholars do. Let's follow him!