Trailer Park Boys, Season 1 (2001)

Ricky:
Smokes, let's go, gimme some smokes.

Randy:
I've only got two left, I'm not giving you any.

Ricky:
You're a fucking dick. Lahey, go fuck yourself.

Ricky:
You better chill out there, heavy metal dick.

Cyrus:
Why don't you go back to the bowling alley where you came from, helmet head?

[Julian is throwing Cyrus' things out the window]

Cyrus:
Hey! That's my shit!!

[Kids come and take Cyrus' things]

Cyrus:
Hey! That's my shit!! That's my shit!!

Cyrus Obviously you didn't hear me when I said clear out your own shit. Now, I want a new TV, I want a VCR, and I want my porn tapes replaced because those were the creme de la creme.

Julian:
I want you out of this park.

Ricky:
Me and Julian could definitely take care of the Cyrus thing. It's just that, Number One: we're on probation. Which is no big deal, but you know I don't really wanna go back to jail. And number two or three, or whatever the fuck number we're on...

Julian:
I want you outta that car in two days though, Ricky.

Ricky:
No more than two weeks, I promise.

Julian:
What the hell happened to my trailer, boys?!

Cory:
Okay, chill. There's this guy named Cyrus. He just moved in here, there was nothing we could do about it. He has a gun, and he's nuts.

[A dog barks off in the distance]

Ricky:
Shut up! You better shut up or I'll come out there after ya. I swear to God, I'll kill every one of ya!

Julian:
Ricky, would you shut up?! Go to sleep! (cuts to Julian inside the trailer) Well, I've been out of jail for a week now and it's time for me to make some important decisions in my life. I'm gonna go to community college.

Ricky:
Will you dogs please stop barking? I'm trying to sleep here.

Julian:
I'm either gonna become an electrician, a meat cutter, or I'm gonna get into television and radio broadcasting.

Ricky:
Stop fucking barking!

(Gunshots are heard as Julian runs out of his trailer to see Ricky firing his pistol)

Julian:
Ricky, what are you shooting at?!

Ricky:
Shut the fuck up! Squirrels and dogs and assholes! (fires off his pistol once more) Shut up!

Julian:
Ricky, Ricky! Hold your fire. (walks towards Ricky) What are you doing?

Ricky:
Shh, shh. Listen, listen.

[The dog continues to bark]

Ricky:
Asshole. (fires off his pistol)

Julian:
Ricky, what are you doing? We're on probation, man.

Ricky:
I'm trying to get some sleep here, Julian.

Julian:
Do you want to go back to jail?

Ricky:
I can't handle this livin' in a car shit.

Julian:
Do you want to go back to jail?

Ricky:
Listen to this shit. (fires his pistol again)

Julian:
Get in the car. (pushes Ricky into the car) Get in the car.

Donny:
STOP FUCKIN' FIRIN'!!

[Ricky honks the horn to get the dog to stop barking]

Donny:
WHAT IN THE FUCK?!

Julian:
Shut up!

Ricky:
I wish everyone would shut the fuck up out there.

Julian:
Ricky, what are you doing?

[The dog continues to bark]

Ricky:
Assholes. (brings out his pistol)

Julian:
Ricky! (stops Ricky from firing and attempts to take the gun out of his hand) Listen, give me that gun. (takes the pistol)

Ricky:
You don't know what it's like livin' in a car, Julian. I got insects and animals fucking me around in here.

Julian:
That's what you've got to deal with when you're in a car.

Ricky:
I can't sleep!

Julian:
Go to sleep. You know what? You're moving out of here tomorrow.

Ricky:
Why?

Julian:
'Cause you're driving me nuts. You're shooting guns off in the middle of the night.

Ricky:
It's not a big deal, Julian.

Julian:
Think, Ricky, think.

Ricky:
I can't sleep, is the problem.

Julian:
Go to sleep.

Ricky:
Can I have the gun back in case anything happens?

Julian:
No more of this shit.

Ricky:
I won't fire it unless I absolutely have to.

Julian:
You're not going to fire it at all. (gives Ricky his pistol back, then walks off) Go to sleep. Idiot.

[The dog continues to bark]

Ricky:
Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP! (fires his pistol)

Julian:
Ricky! Put that thing away!

[Ricky is asleep in the Shitmobile, Bubbles knocks on the roof, waking Ricky up with a start]

Bubbles:
I want my kitty.

Ricky:
Fuck off, Bubbles! You gave me the cat!

Bubbles:
I didn't say you could keep him, and I don't want him living in a fuckin' car.

Ricky:
Bubbles, you got tons of cats. Let me keep him.

Bubbles:
He was a loaner. I loaned him to you.

Ricky:
Well, I need him. Look at my weed plants. One of them's dead.

Bubbles:
I don't give a flyin' fuck. I didn't. Never said you could keep him.

Ricky:
What the hell are you doing waking me up so early?

Bubbles:
No cat of mine's gonna live in a car. Julian!

[Julian storms out of his trailer]

Julian:
Will both of you guys shut up!

Bubbles:
Ricky won't give me my kitty!

Julian:
Ricky, give him his cat!

Ricky:
It's my cat now! He gave it to me!

Julian:
I don't care! Give him his cat!

[Ricky reaches into the back seat and grabs a potted plant]

Ricky:
Look. You see that? You know why it's dead? Because a squirrel peed in it! That's why I need the cat. He protects my weed plants! I got four plants left, guys. That's all I got left in my life. Please let me have one cat to protect my plants.

Bubbles:
Here's what I know, Ricky. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, ya own it. If it doesn't, ya don't own it. And if it doesn't, you're an asshole, just like you.

[Bubbles slams the door lock down so Ricky can't get out of the car]

Julian:
Stay in the car!

[ Julian grabs the cat carrier out of the back seat and gives it to Bubbles]

Julian:
Bubbles, take your cat! Get out of here! Ricky, you stay in the car!

[Ricky struggles to get the door open]

Ricky:
You let me out of this car right now!

[Ricky punches the car door repeatedly]

Julian:
CALM DOWN!

Ricky:
FUCKIN' LET ME OUT OF HERE! I WANT THAT CAT BACK! I NEED HIM!

Julian:
Bubbles, get out of here! Calm down, Ricky.

Ricky:
I just got woken up in the middle of a great dream and I'm pissed off!

[Julian talks to the camera inside his trailer; through the window we see Ricky and Bubbles grappling in the front yard]

Julian:
I was at a party a long time ago at Ricky's house, and um. I think Lucy was about 18 or something...

Lucy:
I met Julian at a party when I was like 17 or whatever and. I mean, it was. It was a long time ago and...You know, nothing really happened.

Julian:
Anyway, we got, uh, really drunk and ate a shitload of mushrooms, and. I experienced memory loss and woke up and she was naked in bed with me. I don't think anything happened, but. I don't know, I just got out of there.

[Ricky and Bubbles are still grappling in the front yard when Lucy walks up with Trinity]

Ricky:
Bubbles, just a second, please! Lucy! What are you doing here?

Lucy:
I'm leaving Trinity with Julian. I need a little vacation.

Ricky:
What about her father? I can take care of my own daughter.

Lucy:
Great! Trinity, why don't you get your stuff and go stay in the car with Daddy? Perfect!

Ricky:
What, the back seat of a car's not good enough for you now?

[Ricky fills up a pitcher of Kool-Aid with a garden hose that's duct-taped to the side of his car]

Ricky:
You know, ever since you guys have been around with your TV cameras, Julian's changed. You know, he's getting all frustated and he's taking his problems out on me and other people in the park... It's crazy! He lives in there in a palace and he's all stressed out! I live out here in a car and I've got everything I need and I'm happy! I mean, this is my home. So I don't know what his problem is.

Jim:
Ricky, do you want me to ask my friends down at the police station if it's okay for you to be drunk in a public place and carrying a loaded handgun while you're on probation?

Ricky:
Why do you start doing your job instead of making false incriminations all the time?

Jim:
Why don't you get a life, Rick? Why don't you go to community college like Julian here? Hey! I got a good idea! You could teach Living In A Car and Growing Dope 101!

Ricky:
And you could teach how to get drunk, get fired from the police force, become a lousy trailer park supervisor that sucks, hangs around with a fucking idiot that doesn't wear a shirt and looks like a dick but thinks he looks good, 101.

[Julian storms out of his trailer and unplugs Ricky's toaster oven from the outdoor power outlet]

Ricky:
What are you doing, Julian! The chicken fingers aren't even cooked! You want us to get sasparilla or something, you dick! Julian, I'm trying to cook some lunch here for me and my...

Julian:
Get out of my way.

[Julian takes the keys out of the car, turning off the loud blues music]

Ray:
What are you doing with the tones, Julian?!

Julian:
Get off my property, Ray!

[Julian grabs Ray's wheelchair and rolls him out of the yard]

Ray:
What what? No, hey, ho, wait!

Ricky:
Take it easy, take it easy, man!

Ray:
Nah, forget it, Ricky! If he doesn't want me here I'm goin' man! I'm not wanted here!

Ricky:
It's my property!

Ray:
Nah, forget it! Come on down to my house, I got lots of chicken fingers down there, man!

Julian:
This is my car, this is my property, and this is my toaster! I want you out of here!

[Julian dumps Ricky's chicken fingers out of the toaster oven]

Ricky:
I can't believe you just did that! Those are the good kind! Eight bucks!

Julian:
I'm not joking, Ricky.

Julian:
Boys, check out Ricky pickin' up some butts!

[Ricky is crouched next to a bus stop trash can, picking cigarette butts up off of the ground]

Julian:
Hey, Ricky! Find any good ones?

Ricky:
What?! Yeah, like you guys have never smoked a butt, eh? 'Oh, look at Ricky smoking cigarette butts!' I'm sick of this shit! I'm sick of your TV show and I'm sick of you and I'm sick of everybody! I'm moving to Toronto!

[Jim rolls past, slowly]

Ricky:
I'm especially sick of this dick! Get the fuck out of here, Lahey!

[Jim drives off]

Ricky:
Fuck it, man. I'm moving to Toronto and I'm gonna be a street person! I don't care.

Julian:
Rick, think about it. You don't got no money, man! What are you gonna do? How are you gonna get out there?

Ricky:
I don't know yet, but I'm gonna get out there.

[J-Roc and Tyrone roll up in a Volvo]

J-Roc:
What's goin' on, honkies?!

Ricky:
J-Roc?

J-Roc:
Damn you stank! You should put some Old Spice and some brute up in that ma-fucka!

Ricky:
Listen, I'm not in the mood today, all right? So unless you've got two grand you wanna lend me, get the fuck out of my face!

Tyrone:
Hey man, take it easy...

Ricky:
No, I'm sick of this shit! I'm sick of all you guys! I'm sick of this park...

J-Roc:
Actually. If you wanna make some scrilla, you pop by my crib. I'll tell ya how to make all kinds of money. I'm serious, too!

Ricky:
You're gonna make me some money?

J-Roc:
I'll make you tons of money! Know what I'm sayin'? Pop by my crib. 'Scuse me, Gorilla. We da fuck out!

Ricky:
Well if you're serious, I'll be down there in about an hour! (to Julian) Looks like I'm not moving to Toronto!

[Ricky and Julian are behind the trailer park plinking at bottles]

Ricky:
Do you ever watch pornos?

Julian:
Why?

Ricky:
Just makin' conversation, man. Just wondering what you think of the guys who act in them.

Julian:
They're greasy.

[Ricky shoots and a bullet ricochets, causing Julian to spill his drink]

Ricky:
Sorry, man. Well, let's suppose for a minute that I act in a porno movie. Would you think I was greasy? 'Cause that's a little different.

Julian:
You're thinking about doing a porno flick with J-ROC, aren't ya? If you're doing that, then yeah, you'd be real greasy. And stupid.

Julian:
Would you see DeNiro doing a porn flick?

Ricky:
Well, I don't know. If they paid him enough money he'd probably do one.

Julian:
No, he wouldn't. You're stupid.

J-Roc:
You gonna be a great big star, Gee! Ma-fuckas in Russia... Why do you think Reveen does so good over there, you know what I'm sayin'? You gonna be bigger than Reveen! Put that shit on, get your freak on, it's all good!

J-Roc:
You know'm sayin' everybody that walk on the face of the Earth tryin' to judge the J-Roc, know'm sayin'? See wha'm sayin'? But I ain't shook, 'cause ma-fuckas tryin' to take me out and stuff, but they can't, right? Know'm sayin'?

Tyrone:
You're sayin' "know what I'm sayin'" too many times! 80 or 90 times? That's too many times! Once or twice is cool, but 80 or 90 times, man?

J-Roc:
What are you, from the Department of Know'm Sayin's? You takin' a Know'm Census? You countin' my Know'm Sayin's? We're hangin' out, right?

Tyrone:
80 or 90 times? That's too many Know'm Sayin's, know'm sayin'?

J-Roc:
See wha'm sayin' you're ridin' on my jock, you know'm sayin'? I'm just tryin' to have a good time, you know'm sayin'? and you're countin' my Know'm Sayin's!

Tyrone:
That's too many times. Once or twice is cool, but 80 or 90 times, know'm sayin'? No...

J-Roc:
How am I supposed to be myself when you're countin' my Know'm Sayin's all the time, you know'm sayin'?

Victoria:
J-Roc, I think you're saying it way too much.

J-Roc:
Sayin' what?

[all three simultaneously]

J-Roc:
Know'm sayin'?

Tyrone:
Know'm sayin'.

Victoria:
Know'm sayin'.

Bubbles:
The whole idea of it's got me pretty damn frisky, too! It's been, uh...Been quite a while since that stuff went on with me. I'm really frisky!

[filming From Russia With The Love Bone]

Victoria:
Gee, Stacy, I bet we could get like $12,000 for this on the open market.

Ricky:
Everybody freeze. What's going on here?

Stacy:
Maybe there's something that we can work out, Sergeant, yes?

[Stacy drops and begins unbuckling Ricky's pants]

Ricky:
Ah, maybe there is, yes.

Bubbles:
Sergeant Boris. What's going on here?

Ricky:
Corporal Alexi, we found the motorcycle bandits. They want to work something out.

Bubbles:
That's them, is it? Let's get it on, then!

[Ricky can't get it up]

Trevor:
Testicle difficulties, please stand by.

Ricky:
J-Roc, I can't do this. I'm thinking about Lucy, and...I don't know what's, I...I need about 5 minutes here.

J-Roc:
Aight. Aight, cut.

J-Roc:
Aight, Soft Serve. Here's what I'm talkin' about. You can't do the X-to-the-X-to-the-X. So we gonna do some SC witcha candy, that's soft-core, right? Know what I'm sayin'? it's still gonna play in hotels and all that and you're still gonna be a star. But Bubbles, you ain't havin' no troubles. You wanna get with her?

Bubbles:
Well, if it's OK with her I certainly would.

J-Roc:
That aight?

Stacy:
Yeah, that's cool.

J-Roc:
Aight.

Stacy:
Don't be nervous, Bubbles. I'll take good care of you.

[Ricky is trying to threaten Jim into relinquishing the porno tape]

Ricky:
Just remember Lahey, what comes around is all around!

Jim:
Don't you mean what's all around comes around, Ricky?

Ricky:
This isn't fuckin' over yet.

Jim:
That's nice talk to use on television, eh? Don't forget you started this shit storm, Limpy!

[Julian, listening to his phone messages]

Ricky:
Julian! It's Ricky here. Just letting you know that, uh, I've thought about this, I feel I have no other options. I'm gonna go down to Lahey's trailer, I'm gonna break in, and I'm basically probably gonna kill Mr. Lahey and I'm thinking about killing Randy as well and I'm gonna take the porno tape back. I've talked to Bubbles about it, he's probably gonna give me a hand because we both can't have this tape floating around. So, anyway, you know, I was kind of counting on you to maybe help plan this, but if you don't want to that's up to you. I just hope you won't feel guilty when me and Bubbles are in jail and you know that you could have prevented a murder. Talk to you later.

[Jim is smoking a cigarette, then it cuts to the Shitmobile playing music, then the music stopped when it cut back to Jim and Randy and Julian throws his water bottle out of the Shitmobile]

Randy:
Made it. Look, he just friggin' littered right in the park for god sakes.

Jim:
The son of a bitch.

Randy:
What an asshole.

Jim:
I don't. Eye. Eye. Goddamn cigarettes everything.

[Ricky gives Jim the middle finger]

Randy:
See, they're just lookin. They're trying to get us goin', eh?

Jim:
I You know. You know, do you know what recidivism is Randy?

Randy:
I don't have a clue, Mr. Lahey.

Jim:
That's when people go back to jail over and over and over. I think we got a couple of A1 class act recidivists up there. Look at him.

[Ricky gets out of the Shitmobile to make the the Fuckmobile stop]

Ricky:
Fuck off!

Trinity:
I shot my Daddy in the bum and Mummy's gonna get mad at me.

[Trinity takes a bite of a weed brownie]

Trinity:
These taste funny!

[Trinity throws the weed brownie into the yard]

[Julian is driving Ricky and the dog after Ricky got shot and the dog ate weed brownies]

Ricky:
It's not my fault. You're the one that left the dog with me. I didn't wanna look after him anyway.

Julian:
Ricky, Ricky, I was gone for forty-five minutes.

Ricky:
Look, I'm bleeding to death here. Just get me to a doctor and shut up!

Julian:
Oh, take you to the doctor. What's gonna happen? The police will get involved Ricky. Think!

Ricky:
I don't give a. I'M BLEEDIN' TO DEATH HERE! YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT! LOOK AT MY ASS!

Julian:
I don't care about your ass, Ricky! I gotta call Levi.

Ricky:
LEVI?! FUCK LEVI! I NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION!

Julian:
Listen Ricky. If that dog dies I swear to God I'll let you bleed to death. All right?!

Ricky:
I don't give a fuck about the dog! All right?

Julian:
SHUT UP!

Ricky:
WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT?! ME OR THE DOG?!

Julian:
SHUT UP!

Ricky:
WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT?!

Julian:
SHUT UP!

[Julian dials Levi's number on the cordless phone]

Ricky:
Fuckin' bleedin' to death here!

Julian:
Come on, Levi.

[Levi answers]

Julian:
Levi, thank God. I got a situation on my hands here.

Ricky:
You fuckin' asshole. What the fuck were you doing eating my brownies?

Julian:
Ricky has a bullet in his ass and he fed the dog a bunch of weed brownies.

Ricky:
I DIDN'T FEED THE DOG BROWNIES!!!

Julian:
YOU FED THE DOG!!

Ricky:
HE ATE THEM!!

Julian:
SHUT UP! I'M ON THE PHONE, RICKY!!

Ricky:
I NEED FUCKIN'!!

Julian:
SHUT UP!!

Ricky:
THIS IS FUCKED UP!

[Ricky and Julian are trying to break into a barn to steal a riding lawn mower}

Julian:
Here you go, break in.

[Hands Ricky a crowbar]

Ricky:
Why do I have to break in?

Julian:
Because this is all your fault and I'm in charge! Hurry up!

Ricky:
It's your fault. You gave me the dog, you idiot.

Julian:
Hurry up!

[Ricky takes the crowbar and pries the door open, an alarm sounds]

Ricky:
Jesus Christ!

[Ricky draws a pistol and shoots into the barn, silencing the alarm]

Ricky:
Who the fuck puts an alarm system in a barn? Fuckin' idiots!

[Ricky and Julian are struggling to push the lawn mower out of the barn, Ricky falls down and an inflatable raft falls down on top of him. He gets up and angrily slams the raft back up against the wall while the sound man leans over the lawn mower, attempting to catch it all]

[Ricky grabs the boom mic]

Ricky:
Hey retard! Can you hear me? I need a hand in here! Come fuckin' help us!

[The sound man puts the lawn mower into neutral, allowing them to push it easily]

Ricky:
Oh, it's in neutral now. Well sorry I'm not so smart. I didn't know that.

[Farmer comes out with a shotgun]

Ricky:
Let's go. Whoa, whoa, whoa. who the fuck is that guy? What do you want?!

Julian:
Relax, Ricky.

Ricky What do you want?!

Farmer:
WHAT'S GOING ON?!

Ricky:
Nothing.

[Farmer shoots at them]

Sound Guy:
FUCK! AH FUCK!

Donny:
WHAT IN THE FUCK?!

Julian:
Get in the truck!

Sound Guy:
I'M FUCKING SHOT! Ahh, fuck!

[Julian drags Sound Guy in the truck]

Julian:
RICKY, GET IN THE TRUCK!

Sound Guy:
FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK!

Julian:
GET IN THE TRUCK!

Sound Guy:
FUCK! Cover me, man! I'm fucking shot again here!

[Julian fires off shots]

Sound Guy:
I'M FUCKING SHOT!!!

Julian:
HOLD YOUR FIRE!! SOMEBODY'S HURT HERE!!!!!

[Ricky and Julian are driving home, only to be met at the entrance to Sunnyvale by Lahey and Randy. Randy is shining a bright light right at them]

Ricky:
Oh, for fucks sakes. [Sighs] Fucking kidding me!

Jim:
[Peering into Julian’s truck] And how’s our little gunshot victim tonight?

Ricky What’s this shit?

Jim:
It is my duty to inform you…

[Two kids carrying glass bottles approach the front gate on bikes and skateboards; Randy quickly notices]

Randy:
Bottle kids!

[Julian, Ricky, Randy, and Lahey take cover]

Jim:
Jesus!

[The kids throw their bottles at Julian’s windshield, shattering upon impact]

Jim:
Christ!

[The kids make their getaway]

Randy:
Get back here, you little buggers!

Ricky:
Go deal with that, Lahey, instead of worrying about us!

Jim:
Just relax, Ricky. We’re taking care of it.

Ricky:
Knock knock boys?

Trevor:
Who's there?

[Ricky gives them two middle fingers directly in their faces]

Randy:
You can't be sittin' in the middle of the road drinkin'. It's against the law.

Julian:
Guys, guys! Break it up! (runs into the middle of Ricky, Lahey and Randy arguing)

Ricky:
You give me that beer back!

Julian:
Ricky, shut up!

Jim:
This is drunk and disorderly!

Ricky:
You owe me a twelve-pack of beer, asshole!

Julian:
Ricky! Would you guys stop it!? Lahey, Lahey- Ricky get over-

Jim:
I do not believe how stupid these guys are. Like father, like stupid son.

Julian:
Lahey-

[Ricky bumps into a beer box]

Jim:
What?

Julian:
Lahey, get him off the street.

Jim:
We've been trying to get him off the damn street.

Julian:
Well, get him out of here. (pushes Randy away) Go mow some lawns or something, you greasy bastard.

Ricky:
Hey Lahey, you want a smoke? (holds the cigarette to his waist) 'Cause I got one right fuckin' here for you, buddy-boy.

Julian:
Ricky- (drags him away)

Jim:
You got one joke in your resitory, do you, Rick?

Ricky:
(points to Jim) You owe a beer (points to Randy) and you owe me a beer, you assholes!

Jim:
Come on, Randy.

Ricky:
Don't you have some offs to fuck there, boys?

Randy:
What?

Ricky:
Fuck off!

Ricky:
The thing is when you're shopping for a ring you gotta take your time because you know it's my wife we're talking about. She's not gonna be wearing one of those Cubic Zarcarbian things-- she's gotta have a nice ring.*(While rummaging through stolen loot during a break-and-enter eating a cheese sandwich)*

Ricky:
You know Jim or Jim knows you?

Cop:
Jim.. Jim, my dad Jim?

Ricky:
Jim's your dad? Oh yeah...he mentioned he had a son on the force.

Cop:
Yeah?

Ricky:
Yeah, him and my dad go way back!

Cory:
Everybody down!

Trevor:
This is a robbery!

Julian:
Everyone keep calm! We don't want your money and we don't want to hurt anybody! We just want some food! Stop fuckin' around! Get in position!

[Trevor pumps his shotgun, Bubbles and Julian are stealing a bunch of hotdogs and Cory and Trevor are stealing chip bags and bananas]

Cory:
This is gonna be the best wedding ever, dude.

Trevor:
Holy shit. So cool.

Cory:
What the fuck do you have so many bananas for dude?

(cuts back to Julian and Bubbles stealing hotdogs and cuts back to Cory and Trevor)

Cory:
Fuck with the corkscrews and shit, man.

Trevor:
Fuck. Why are you always telling me what to do?

Cory:
There are fuckin' bananas in the cart, dude. We don't want bananas at the wedding. No one eats bananas at the wedding.

Ricky:
Lose some smokes.

Cory:
Hands up!

[Ricky pulls out his pistol and fires it then Trevor fires his shotgun and Bubbles fires his Uzi]

Bubbles:
Holy fuckin' Jesus! What the fuck have they doing?

[Trevor continues to fire his shotgun and Cory is firing his pistol]

Julian:
Put your gun down! It's us! It's us!

Ricky:
Julian!

Julian:
Stop shooting, you dicks!

Ricky:
What the fuck's going on here?! I just came here for smokes! What the hell's going on?!

Cory:
Sorry dude, man, we didn't know.

Ricky:
(to Julian) You're stupid, (to Cory and Trevor) you're stupid, (to Bubbles) you're a fuckin' idiot.

Bubbles:
The fuckin' gun's broke! It's broken!

Ricky:
You could've killed me over there! The fuck?!

Julian:
Ricky, shut up! (points to the surveillance camera) Ricky!

Ricky:
Oh, for fucksakes! (shoots down the surveillance camera)

Julian:
Let's go, let's go! Everybody out!

Cory:
Out of the way, dudes.

Trevor:
Aw shit. (picks up a bag of chips)

Ricky:
I'm never fuckin' speaking to you guys again.

Julian:
Get in the truck, Ricky!

[Cory and Trevor start putting the food in the truck]

Julian:
Come on, move!

Ricky:
Retarded. What's with all these fuckin' bananas?!

Trevor:
I fucked up, Ricky. People like bananas.

Ricky:
Fuck off, boys!

Bubbles:
I have to get the cart in!

Ricky:
Fuck off with the cart, Bubbles!

Bubbles:
Come on! I'm not leaving this fuckin' cart!

Julian:
Leave the cart!

[Ricky throws the cart away]

Bubbles:
Come on!

Ricky:
Get in the fuckin' truck! GET IN!

Bubbles:
Jesus Christ!

Julian:
Get in!

Ricky:
You know, I may not have done all the right stuff in my life or done smart stuff, but guys, maybe I shouldn't be commenting here, but that was pretty fuckin' dumb, alright? You're robbing a fuckin' grocery store, you didn't even tell me, I'm fuckin' on video tape now firing handguns with no mask on! You guys are FUCKIN' DUMB!

Julian:
Ricky, would you calm down?

Ricky:
No, I'm not gonna calm down, Julian!

Julian:
Calm down!

Ricky:
I'm pissed off! (points to Bubbles) I'm pissed off at you, (points to Cory and Trevor) and especially you two dicks! You guys are really fuckin' stupid!

Julian:
Ricky.

Trevor:
Sorry, man, but you were shooting at us too.

Ricky:
I'm drunk! I'm really drunk, and I don't need this shit!

Julian:
Ricky! Would you-

Ricky:
I'm gettin' married tomorrow!

Julian:
Would you shut up?! Everything's gonna be cool! Trust me!

Bubbles:
(crying) Can everyone just please stop it?

Julian:
Oh, look what- You're making Bubbles cry, Ricky! Just shut up!

Ricky:
I'm sorry, alright? I'm drunk.