Edwin:
Jesus, I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired. Do you know how tired I am? If some girl came up to me, begged me to fuck her, I couldn't do it. That's how tired I am.
Richard:
Dad? Uh, watch the language, huh?
Edwin:
She's listening to music. Olive, I'll give you a million dollars if you turn around. [Olive is still listening to music while Richard and Sheryl looked at her] See?
Richard:
All right. But the rest of us.
Edwin:
Oh, the rest of you. [turns to Dwayne] Can I give you some advice?
Dwayne:
[shakes head "no"]
Edwin:
Well, I'm going to give it to you, anyway. I don't want you making the same mistakes I made when I was young.
Richard:
Can't wait to hear this.
Edwin:
Dwayne, that's your name, right? Dwayne? This is the voice of experience talking. Are you listening? Fuck a lot of women, Dwayne.
Richard:
Hey. Dad!
Edwin:
Not just one woman. A lot of women.
Richard:
That's enough, all right?
Edwin:
Are you getting any?
Richard:
Dad!
Edwin:
You can tell me, Dwayne. Are you getting any?
Richard:
Come on, please.
Dwayne:
[shakes his head no]
Grandpa:
No? Jesus. You're what, 15? My God, man!
Richard:
Dad!
Edwin:
You should be getting that young stuff.
Richard:
Dad. Dad! Hey!
Edwin:
That young stuff is the best in the world. That young stuff is the best stuff in the whole world!
Richard:
Hey, Dad, that's enough! Stop it!
Edwin:
Will you kindly not interrupt me, Richard?! [turns to Dwayne] See, right now you're jailbait. They're jailbait. It's perfect. I mean, you hit 18, man, you're talking about three to five.
Richard:
Hey, I will pull this truck over right now!
Edwin:
So pull the truck over! Fuck you! I can say what I want. I still got Nazi bullets in my ass!
Richard:
Ah, the Nazi bullets!
Edwin:
You're as bad as those fuckers at Sunset Manor.
[Richard toots the horn]
Frank:
What happened at Sunset Manor?
Sheryl:
Frank, don't encourage him.
Edwin:
What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I paid my money. They took my money. I should be able to do what the fuck I want!
Sheryl:
[to Frank] He started snorting heroin.
Frank:
[to Edwin] You started snorting heroin?
Edwin:
[in response to Frank] I'm old!
Frank:
Well, that stuff will kill you.
Edwin:
What am I, an idiot? [to Dwayne] And don't you start taking that shit. When you're young, you're crazy to do that stuff.
Frank:
[to Edwin] Well, what about you?
Edwin:
[to Frank] What about me? I'm old! When you're old, you're crazy not to do it.
Sheryl:
We've tried. Believe me. The intervention was a fiasco. He's worse than a two-year-old.
Richard:
Can we please talk about something else?
Frank:
I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor?
Sheryl:
Frank.
Edwin:
Are you kidding me? It was a fucking paradise. They got a pool, they got golf; now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleeping on a fucking sofa. Look, I know you're a homo and all, but maybe you can appreciate this. You go to one of those places, there's four women for every guy. Can you imagine what that's like?
Frank:
You must have been very busy.
Edwin:
Whoa. I had second degree burns on my Johnson, I kid you not.
Frank:
Really?
Edwin:
Forget about it.
Olive:
[takes off her headphones] What are you talking about?
Edwin:
Politics.
Olive:
Oh. [Puts her headphones back on]
Edwin:
[to Dwayne] Fuck a lotta women, kid. I've got no reason to lie to you. Not just one woman. A lotta women.
