Wikidude's Quotes Page #53

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Sir Humphrey: Bernard, Ministers should never know more than they need to know. Then they can't tell anyone. Like secret agents; they could be captured and tortured. Bernard: [shocked] You mean by terrorists? Sir Humphrey: [seriously] By the BBC, Bernard. – Yes, Minister, Series One (1980) Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Judge: First, I want to thank all the contestants for their wonderful inventions. There are no losers here, only kids who didn’t win. Now the winner of this year’s Young Inventor’s Challenge and Friendly Competition is-- the apple corer and egg slicer in one! [He presents the trophy to Violet] Tobey: [shocked] What? Violet: THANK YOOUUU! THAANK YOOOOUUUU! Judge: [trying to calm her down] Thank you, Violet… very good, very good... Violet: THANNK YOOOOOOUUUUU! Tobey: Hold on, stop! [clears throat and tries to gather himself] Heh-heh, there-- there must be some mistake. Did you guys forget about my robot? Judge: No. Don’t get us wrong, your robot is pretty amazing. But the apple corer and egg slicer in one? Whoa-oh-oh! It’s so practical! Tobey: [getting more irate by the second] Eh--er--- this is ridiculous! There is no way that thing is better than my robot! Judge: Oh, sure it is! Okay, let’s say you got two bags-- one is full of apples, and one is full of eggs… Tobey: FORGET THE APPLES AND EGGS! Judge: I’m sorry, Tobey… I just don’t think we can. [Violet holds up a sliced apple for the judge. WordGirl and Huggy arrive.] Tobey: That-- is--- IT! I’ve tried to be good... WordGirl: Uh-oh. Tobey: ...but I REFUSE to lose this contest to that-- that hunk of metal masquerading as a kitchen utensil! Robot-- WordGirl: Wait for it… Tobey: --DESTROY! WordGirl: And, there it is. [flies off with Huggy] [Everyone screams flees from the stage except for Violet, who walks off slowly by herself. One of the robot’s feet lands beside her.] Violet: Oh, is it time to go already? – WordGirl, Season 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[Dr. Two-Brains and Tobey are still bickering below them.] Tobey: Oh please, I did ninety percent of the work! So much for an equal collaboration! Dr. Two-Brains: You’re right, child, it wasn’t equal, because I did all of-- [a security person walks past them, holding Bootsy. Two-Brains freaks out, tossing the remote which Tobey catches.] AHHHH! A CAT! Tobey: Oh, are we afraid of a little cat? A little bitty kitty cat?! [he programs Mousezilla to flex his tail, pick up Bootsy and carry the cat back to him. Tobey sets the remote down on the tail, and holds Bootsy up in front of Two-Brains, taunting him.] Kitty, kitty, kitty! Dr. Two-Brains: Keep away, keep away! [Huggy jumps onto the back of Mousezilla and slides down the tail, He grabs the remote, unnoticed] Oh yeah, well at least I don’t love WordGirl, like you do! Tobey: Well, you’re afraid of a little kitty, kitty kitty! Meow, meow, meow! Dr. Two-Brains: Love, love, love! Tobey: [singing] Dr. Two-Brains, he sees the kitty and he goes "eek"-- [Huggy looks at the remote, and presses a button which releases WordGirl from the whiskers.] WordGirl: Great job, Huggy! Let’s see if this mouse can swim! HYAH! [She picks it up by the whisker and heaves it far out into the ocean. Down on the ground, Tobey is still tormenting Two-Brains, oblivious as to what has happened.] Tobey: [singing] Meow, meow meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow MEOW! Dr. Two-Brains: [singing to the tune of "Here comes the bride"] Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love-- [WordGirl whisks them both into the back of police paddy wagon] Tobey: That’s it-- our collaboration is OVER! Dr. Two-Brains: Hmph! Finally we agree. Tobey: Uh-- where are we? Dr. Two-Brains: And why are we in handcuffs? [The barred doors closes to the back of the paddy wagon, and it starts to drive away. WordGirl is holding Bootsy.] Dr. Two-Brains and Tobey: Whoops. – WordGirl, Season 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Dr. Two-Brains: Op, sorry, pardon me. On a quest for cheese here. Tobey: You’re Dr. Two-Brains. Dr. Two-Brains: Right the first time! Tobey: I- I’m a big fan of your work. I read your article about “Escaping the Scene” in last month’s Modern Villain Monthly. Good stuff! Dr. Two-Brains: Oh, pish-posh. So, what’s your schtick? Tobey: Uh, giant robots? Dr. Two-Brains: Catalog or homemade? Tobey: Homemade. Dr. Two-Brains: Nice! Wait a second, you wouldn’t happen to be Tobey the boy genius robot-- builder-- kid, would you? Tobey: More or less. Dr. Two-Brains: Well, this is a pleasure! [shakes his hand forcefully] I’ve been following your career! Not too shabby, kid. Tobey: So, tell me, what brilliant and evil inventions have you been working on lately? Dr. Two-Brains: Oh, you know, this and that, gravity machine, time travel, brie blintzes… oh, and I recently tried turning platinum into cheese, but all I got was a strong, super-thin metal with a bitter steel aftertaste. [eats another piece of cheese] Tobey: Hmm… you know, I’ve been trying forever to develop a material just like that! Dr. Two-Brains: Really? Tobey: Well, I am a robot man, of course. And with your new metal, I would be able to build my most indestructible robot yet! Uh, any chance, Doctor, that you would be interested in a collaboration? Dr. Two-Brains: Tobey? Can I call you Tobey? Why not? I’ve got a few days to kill. [shakes hands with Tobey] Tobey: Excellent! – WordGirl, Season 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[Mrs. McCallister is standing in line, still reading her magazine.] WordGirl: [offscreen] Excuse me. Mrs. McCallister? [Mrs. McCallister looks at Tobey, standing on a severed robot hand] Do I even need to say anything? [Mrs. McCallister grabs Tobey by the ear and leads him off. Tobey drops the book.] Tobey: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! – WordGirl, Season 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[WordGirl returns carrying the hand of the robot.] Tobey: Plagued by malfunction! Okay, fine, well you won’t solve my next riddle so easily! WordGirl: Are you gonna use the doll one now? Tobey: No! Maybe. Yes. But it won’t matter! You’ll taste the bitter taste of def-- [The changing room door flies open, and Claire McCallister stands there towering over Tobey.] Feat. And I, for one, will be writing to the management. This, uh, mannequin arm has been lying here just waiting for someone to trip over. Uh, ready to go? Good! Because this shopping trip is taking a lot longer than you promised! Or-- I suppose, if you had just a few more things you wanted to try on-- a few more… [Claire grabs Tobey by the ear and drags him off.] Ow, ow-ow-ow-OW! – WordGirl, Season 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[Tobey is still grounded in his room sitting in his rocking chair, looking through a scrapbook with images of WordGirl.] Tobey: Oh, you think you’re SO perfect, don’t you? Always trying to show me up with excellent grasp of vocabulary and your dark, glossy locks! Well, your cleverness and beauty won’t be enough to stop me this time, WordGirl! This time. [A knock on the door] Claire: [offscreen] You’d better have your coat on, young man! We are leaving for the department store in five minutes! Tobey: Ready when you are mother! [closes the book on his thumb and cries out, then starts sucking on it] – WordGirl, Season 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[Dr. Two-Brains and his henchman are getting shrunk] Dr. Two-Brains: Look! LOOK! The cheese is getting even bigger! BIGGER! BIGGER! Oh, my plan is working beyond my wildest dreams! [pause] Uh, something is not right here. [WordGirl scoops them up in a jar.] Unnamed henchman: I think we’ve been shrunk! Dr. Two-Brains: Shrunk? Ahh! We’ve been shrunk! You’ll never take me, WordGirl! WordGirl: Ah, put a lid on it! [She puts a lid on the jar with air holes in it.] Dr. Two-Brains: Hey! No fair! WordGirl: Huggy, catch! [Throws the jar to Huggy, who catches it.] – WordGirl, Season 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
(Red Arrow is being held by Rhelasian police for Cheshire's assination attempt of Lex Luthor) Lex Luthor: Lex Luthor vouches for him, Captain. Release the sidekick. Red Arrow: Ex-sidekick. And I don't need any favors from you. – Young Justice, Season 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Lex Luthor: We have confirmation. This one's Green Arrow's pal, Speedy. Red Arrow: It's Red Arrow now. – Young Justice, Season 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Lex Luthor: LexCorps is a company founded on peaceful enterprise for all humanity. Red Arrow: Cut the act, Luthor. I've got intel linking LexCorp's shell companies to the sale of weapons to both countries. You're profiting from this war. – Young Justice, Season 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Lex Luthor: Allow me to hire you to find out. Red Arrow: Your money has blood on it, and I'm not here to make a buck. Lex Luthor: So, you'll provide your service, but for free. I can live with that, hero. Now excuse me. I have a hemisphere to save. – Young Justice, Season 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Gretchen: So you kissed, and then what happened? Jimmy: Then she showed me her bronze medal. Gretchen: She did? Why? Jimmy: Because she was understandably proud of it. Gretchen: She...she was proud of her bronze medal?! Jimmy: It's quite beautiful, close up. [Gretchen is disgusted] What? Gretchen: Why would a person just show someone their butthole?! Jimmy: What?! No! A real bronze medal! Why would you think I meant a butthole? Gretchen: Well, you said "bronze medal." I mean, it is the third-best hole. Brownish. – You're the Worst, Season 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Gretchen: You know, after I cleaned the fries off your face and put you to bed, you said something to me that was pretty dark. Jimmy: Don't tell me. Gretchen: Okay. I won't. [pause] I love you too. – You're the Worst, Season 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Gretchen: There is a stack of mail that I have been avoiding. Justina: Why? Gretchen: They always want money, or you have jury duty, or your grandma sent you a check for your birthday, and then you feel guilty that you never call her, and then you can't get out of bed for a month. Anyway... mail. Does that count for your stupid-ass...? Ugh, sorry. Justina: It's all right, I'm a professional. You can say anything you want in here. Gretchen: Hmm. Anything? Really? Does opening the mail count for your one little asshole thing, you goddamn cock? You suck-balls dumb dick? Justina: Sure. Gretchen: Fine, jizz-magnet. I will open one piece of mail. Jimmy: Say "whore." Gretchen: Whore. Jimmy: Whore. Justina: I'm regretting giving you license to say anything. Plus I do kind of want to fight you right now. Gretchen: Too late. No take-backsies. Titty-sucking bitch. – You're the Worst, Season 3 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Edgar: I really like the adjustments. Jimmy: Well, your asinine notes started a thought process of actual, usable fixes. I had to cut the scene in the cockpit of the plane where Joachim Kirschner masturbates during his bombing run on London, but the section is still highly erotic. Dorothy: Did you take out the thing with Roger spanking his nephew? Jimmy: What, you let Dorothy read it?! Dorothy: I thought the sample chapters were great... Jimmy: Thank you. It's so nice to hear from fans. Dorothy: ...just potentially very alienating to women. Jimmy: This is literature, okay? It shall sing its own song, uncaring if sensibilities are too delicate. Anyway, it feels like we keep forgetting the proposal's in already. It's done. Dorothy: Okay. Just so many descriptions of semen on stockings. Jimmy: Stockings are a sign both of the deprivation of the Second World War and how much the repressed Kitty's slutty little legs wanted semen on them! What is alienating about that? – You're the Worst, Season 3 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Gretchen: To think you know how other people should think and feel. That is someone with something seriously wrong with them. That's psychopath behavior. Lindsay: So what do we do when she finally comes out? Gretchen: We follow her home and egg her house. Duh. I had a better plan, but apparently pig's blood is, like, 12 bucks a quart. – You're the Worst, Season 3 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Gretchen Can you take a little break? Jimmy God, no, woman! There's too much to do, now that the starting gun on the Grand Prix has sounded, the instant that I take my foot off the proverbial gas to celebrate, shall materialize five other writers in my side mirror just ready to pass me on the Autobahn that is the publishing industry... to clumsily mix European race car metaphors. As a veteran writer girlfriend now, you know that the work is never-ending. Gretchen: But you spent the last few months drinking and jerking it to the Lane Bryant shoe catalog. Jimmy: If I have to explain this one more time: it's all writing. – You're the Worst, Season 3 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Gretchen: So you'll tell him, yeah? Thanks. Edgar: No, no, no way! I... I told enough people that someone that they love died. Lindsay: I have an idea. When my parents got divorced, they told us at Benihana's so we wouldn't cause a scene. The chef put a shrimp in his hat. Gretchen: How'd that work? Lindsay: He just put a shrimp in his hat. Gretchen: No, I mean, telling you in public. Lindsay: Oh. It totally made us not freak out as much. Except later, I drank my mom's mai tai and climbed on the table 'cause I forgot it was a grill. That's why I don't have footprints. – You're the Worst, Season 3 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Gretchen: Wait! Make sure to pull out. I can't get pregnant. Your dad might be floating around right now, looking for a body to reincarnate. – You're the Worst, Season 3 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Gretchen: [seeing Jimmy burying his face in his hand] Let all the sadness out. [Jimmy turns around with a big smile on his face] Whoa! I thought you were crying! Jimmy: No. It's amazing. I was smelling the jacket that Dad left and it smelled exactly like him. Just cigarettes, ale, beans, occupational failure. And in a rush, that feeling that we'd been searching for all day just came flying out. And, Gretchen, it wasn't sadness. It was happiness. I'm free. I am finally free! And I'm finally unstuck creatively. I found, all right, the perfect metaphor for the heft of Kitty's adolescent bottom. I'll tell you later. It's...it's too sexy. Gretchen: Do you want to go binge-watch that six-part series on the Susan Smith case? Jimmy: Yeah. Just a sec. Now that my parental nightmare is finally over, I'm gonna get rid of everything that smacks of Ronny Overly. May he rest in relative peace for someone of his arterial calcification. – You're the Worst, Season 3 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Tow Truck Driver: Dreams? Edgar: Some real bad ones. Tow Truck Driver: Hypervigilance? Edgar: I saw a sniper on the overpass. Tow Truck Driver: IEDs in the trash? Edgar: Yes! Roadside trash is the worst. Why can't they just throw it away? Tow Truck Driver: Suicidal thoughts? You know the stats? 22 every day. Though, in truth, there are some Vietnam dudes that are jacking up our numbers, but still. Edgar: I thought starting today, things would get better. But they don't give a shit. Tow Truck Driver: Here's what you got to understand. They're not evil. None of 'em are. The military's job is to sand down our humanity just enough to where we can take a life. That's it. Afterwards, some totally separate branch gets to deal with all these purposely broken motherfuckers. Not only is that impossible with the resources, that's just impossible, period. Edgar: Yeah, well, then, what are we supposed to do? Tow Truck Driver: Not wait for someone to help you. Figure out what works. My man Carter, he hunts all the time. This big chopper pilot I know, he goes to yoga. And we make fun of him, but it seems to work. Jorge hikes the PCT once a year. I got this companion dog. I wanted a big, mean dude, but the organization gave me this little scrub. He saved my life, this guy. This other bro I know locks himself in his bedroom and stabs his closet door. I mean, he's not getting his deposit back, but once the rage passes, he's fine. I know you don't want to hear this, but the minute you stop looking for someone else to cure you, maybe you start living again. – You're the Worst, Season 3 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Gretchen: Legend has it, there is a bar, a secret bar, so exclusive... Lindsay: No. We're not doing your stupid scavenger hunt for some dumb bar. You pitch it every Sunday. Gretchen: It is not just a bar. It is a secret bar with a hidden entrance. A magical land full of beautiful people, and strong beverages, and retro decor, called a speakeasy. Jimmy: Bye-bye. Gretchen: Goddammit guys, I need this. I had depression. That is a legit-ass, mental-ass illness. I can't be a pilot. It's a fact. Also, Jimmy's dad died. Jimmy: Yeah. About which, I didn't care. Gretchen: And I think we both deserve to have a little fun after all that. Also, there's a bar in L.A. I can't get into. That is unacceptable. Jimmy: Well, accept it, 'cause I'm not going on a scavenger hunt to find a speakeasy. Easily the worst development in bar culture since Internet jukeboxes and big ice cubes. – You're the Worst, Season 3 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Lindsay: Ew, books are gross. Gretchen: Here Lindser, I got you a book. Lindsay: Har-har. Here's a book for you. It's called How Not to Be a Bitch for No Reason on Sunday Funday. Gretchen: Oh, look. Here's one. It's called I'm Living a Double Life, and I Can't Be Myself Around My Husband: The Lindsay Jillian Story, volume two. Lindsay: Where's volume one? Gretchen: There is no volume one. You're just that stupid. – You're the Worst, Season 3 Show Quote	added 7 months ago

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