Perfect Hair Forever

Action Hot Dog:
Do the la la la la la la la la la la la la la la.

Coiffio:
Model Robot, pepare -- Pepare -- Pre -- Pre -- Prepware -- Pwe -- Get ready the tree.

Model Robot:
Do you mean the Battle Tree?

Coiffio:
Yes, the Trojan Judas Hairnet Battle Tree!

[dramatic sound effect]

Model Robot:
We don't have that tree in stock.

Coiffio:
Come on, man.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
I'M AVAILIBLE!

Coiffio:
[laughs] It's our Inappropriate Comedy Tree!

[the game show music starts when ICT makes his appearance]

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
I HAVE SEX WITH DOGS! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!

Coiffio:
Yes! Yes! Clap your hands for Inappropriate Comedy Tree!

Uncle Grandfather:
Brenda, back up into my hands.

Coiffio:
Model Robot, what do you think?

Model Robot:
I think we're delaing with a very, very, very smart person or a very, very, very stupid person.

Coiffio:
So then we are either very, very, very much in danger, or very, very, very, very much...safe.

Uncle Grandfather:
Behold...the hamburger necklace.

Young Man:
Ok.

Uncle Grandfather:
To carry around in honor. But put it-- Put it on your neck stock.

Young Man:
My what?

Uncle Grandfather:
Head pole.

Young Man:
My what?

Uncle Grandfather:
Head root, whatever.

Young Man:
I-I'm not fol--

Uncle Grandfather:
To earn my respect. You must help my stupid bald nephew Gerald, FIND THE RED BOX!

[Uncle Grandfather puts the hamburger necklace onto Young Man's neck]

Young Man:
Is it a magical bean?

Uncle Grandfather:
Does what have what?

Young Man:
How can I use this?

Uncle Grandfather:
Uh...it's a hamburger. So, you know...snacking.

[Young Man and Uncle Grandfather went to an awkward pause for a couple seconds while Uncle Grandfather pulls out a smoke bomb to transport them outside of UG's doorstep for Young Man to leave]

Uncle Grandfather:
[to Young Man] ...See you later.

[Uncle Grandfather eats a banana]

Uncle Grandfather:
Mmmmmmmmm. Bananananna. Mmm. Banenano.

Gerald Bald Z:
I seek the ninth level of power, and perhaps, an inexpensive hairbrush.

Young Man:
I'm king of all animals!

Uncle Grandfather:
[doesn't care] Sure.

Uncle Grandfather:
Who is it?

Young Man:
I have come with a communication from the Ministry of Planning, concerning the French premiere who's been found dead of corruption.

Uncle Grandfather:
...I'm busy.

Young Man:
We must act before it's too late. The Shaku is being attracted to the debris. And for now their numbers probably aren't going to decrease.

Uncle Grandfather:
...Ok, whatever, fine. Good luck with that. Giddyup Brenda! Ye ha!

Young Man:
You don't understand! People are getting dead.

Uncle Grandfather:
You mean, people are getting nude?

Young Man:
Dead.

Uncle Grandfather:
Or...nude?

Young Man:
Dead.

Uncle Grandfather:
Come in, Nude. You're not a Nude. Uncle Grandfather away!

[Grandfather tries to smoke bomb his way outta here, but didn't work]

Uncle Grandfather:
Ah, hey.

Young Man:
You don't understand. The protecting stone makes this Yu-gi-oh disappear...

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh, yeah.

Young Man:
...Which means the Miyagi Crystals will help very much in searching for the Yugioh barrier.

Uncle Grandfather:
Sure.

Young Man:
That means the others won't be able to look for us since things move more easily the closer they are to human form.

Uncle Grandfather:
Alright, alright, alright.

Young Man:
The Shaku is being attracted to the debris and for now, they're--

Uncle Grandfather:
Enough, fight now for 3 minutes.

Young Man:
What?

Uncle Grandfather:
Ok, one, two, three, go!

[Brenda and Young Man begin their places to fight]

Uncle Grandfather:
What are you waiting for?

Brenda:
HYAH!

Gerald Bald Z:
Uncle Grandfather, I want Perfect Hair Forever.

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh, yes.

Gerald Bald Z:
The other students laugh at me. They call me...retarded hair guy.

Uncle Grandfather:
BWA-HA-HA!

Gerald Bald Z:
How can I attain such hair that is so desired in our fruited land of action?

Uncle Grandfather:
Sit down, nephew, and I shall tell you. [scooches over] You will attain a level that will bring you to large gifts of unbalding ways. With those ways, you follow the path to the pass of the, um...

[Brenda shows up]

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh, Brenda.

[Brenda's theme plays while she carrying hamburgers]

Gerald Bald Z:
Uncle Grandfather--

Uncle Grandfather:
[lifts the table up to hit Gerald] SIT DOWN!

Gerald Bald Z:
Ow.

Uncle Grandfather:
Dumb kid.

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh, good. She has brought along tray of hamburgers.

Gerald Bald Z:
But what about that path?

Uncle Grandfather:
Stay true to the pass and beware the, uh...well ya know, the guy.

Gerald Bald Z:
Who?

Uncle Grandfather:
Brenda--

Gerald Bald Z:
Beware of who?

Uncle Grandfather:
Put those on the top shelf until the fire is hot.

Gerald Bald Z:
Who, Uncle Grandfather? Beware of who?

Uncle Grandfather:
Coiffio.

Gerald Bald Z:
Who?

Uncle Grandfather:
Hgher!

Gerald Bald Z:
Coiffio?

[Brenda putting the hamburgers on the top shelf]

Uncle Grandfather:
You can do it. [to Gerald] Now do you understand?

Gerald Bald Z:
No, I don't.

Uncle Grandfather:
You see, Gerald-San. Hamburgers should be higher.

Gerald Bald Z:
Uh...alright.

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh, damn. Look at that. Look at that. [seeing Brenda's butt]

Gerald Bald Z:
Uncle Grandfather?

Uncle Grandfather:
Not important.

Gerald Bald Z:
You didn't finish.

Uncle Grandfather:
There is no need to finish before it hasn't begun...to finish.

Uncle Grandfather:
Brenda, please do bend over in front of me and see if the coals are ashed.

[Brenda bends down to see if the coals are ashed]

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh, good. That, yeah, is what is important.

Gerald Bald Z:
But what about that path?

Uncle Grandfather:
You must attain, Gerald-San. To attain, you must begin. To begin, you must finish.

Gerald Bald Z:
But, Grandfather--

Uncle Grandfather:
Look at that ham. [seeing Brenda walking by]

Gerald Bald Z:
But, Uncle Grandfather, how do I do that?

Uncle Grandfather:
You have reached the first level.

Gerald Bald Z:
What are you talking about?

Uncle Grandfather:
Listen to the hot dog.

Action Hot Dog:
Do the la la la la la la la la la la la la la la.

Gerald Bald Z:
That's an annoying hot dog. May I have a hamburger instead?

Uncle Grandfather:
A hamburger. [laughs]

Uncle Grandfather:
Brenda, fly up in the air like I like.

Uncle Grandfather:
What a sissy little boy you are, beat up by a nude girl and a nude hot dog.

Action Hot Dog:
Do the la la la la la la la la la la la la la la.

Gerald Bald Z:
Yes, but--

Uncle Grandfather:
You are embarrassment to my family.

Gerald Bald Z:
Yeah, but--

Uncle Grandfather:
You are banished until you succeed in your quest.

Gerald Bald Z:
Yes, but, Uncle Grandfather--

Uncle Grandfather:
Get your meat face out of my apartment, you balding baldy...bald-a-nam...bald-a-nama-ning-nang.

Gerald Bald Z:
I wonder if this cloud does anything?

[the cloud suddenly floats up as Gerald stands on it]

Gerald Bald Z:
[whispered] Why am I on this cloud?

Cat Man:
Halt. Not so fast.

Gerald Bald Z:
Who are you?

Cat Man:
I am Cat Man. I'm gonna scratch your face off.

Gerald Bald Z:
Look, here, Cat Man, you're little more than an obstacle placed in my path by the evil Coiffio, my ever-present and demonic enemy bent on destroying the world -- While I am just a modest youth with a competitive spirit.

[Cat Man randomly scratches a tree]

Gerald Bald Z:
Look how long this is taking.

[Gerald moves on with his journey]

Cat Man:
Hey, where you going? That's it? Come back here. I'm going cut you. I'll lick a hole in you with my sharp tongue.

Gerald Bald Z:
That man in the cat suit was going to be cleaning himself forever. They'll be more cats, more men in cat suits.

Gerald Bald Z:
Look at that guy.

[Gerald sees Space Ghost getting attacked by Felix the Bear]

[the Bear gives Space Ghost to Gerald]

Gerald Bald Z:
Are you giving this to me?

[the Bear attack Gerald]

Space Ghost:
[grunts] I might...should sit down.

Coiffio:
Cat Man has let me down again. Why? Why do I keep relying on him? [checks Cat Man on his watch] What the [EFF] are you doing?

Cat Man:
What do you mean? I'm grooming.

Coiffio:
Where is Gerald?

Cat Man:
Oh, he's getting chased by a bear.

Coiffo:
Oh, the bear I had to send because you were so busy with your [EFF] grooming?

Cat Man:
Sorry. I can't -- You're breaking up.

Coiffio:
The bear I had to send because you were so busy with you [EFF] grooming?

Cat Man:
Are you calling Cat Man undependable?

Coiffio:
Yes, pussycat man.

Cat Man:
Yeah, you know what? Suck it.

Coiffio:
Yes!

Gerald Bald Z:
My quest is lonely but worthwhile. As I'm confident my physical appearance will someday resemble that of the other handsome students.

Action Hot Dog:
Do the la la la la la la la la la la la la la la.

Gerald Bald Z:
Hot Dog, my eclectic acquaintance from previous times. Where are you going?

Action Hot Dog:
La la la la la la.

Gerald Bald Z:
What?

Action Hot Dog:
La la la la la.

Gerald Bald Z:
Tuna Mountain?

Action Hot Dog:
La!

[ICT sneeze then smiles at Gerald]

Gerald Bald Z:
I'll go with you.

[Gerald and Action Hot Dog leaves]

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
HEY!

[Uncle Grandfather plays horse on Brenda]

Uncle Grandfather:
1 and 2 and 3 and 1 and 2 and 3. Giddyap. Giddyap, giddyap, giddyap, giddyap.

[Uncle Grandfather looks at a sexy magazine]

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh, ho ho! What is this hole!

Gerald Bald Z:
It's suddenly evening. We must camp here for the night and fall asleep.

Action Hot Dog:
Do the la la la la la la la

Gerald Bald Z:
I wonder what that means. [falls asleep]

Coiffio:
Oh, here we go. Pick up, call screener. Damn it, damn it. Damn it to hell. Cat Man?

Cat Man:
What?

Coiffio:
Cat Man?

Cat Man:
What?

Coiffio:
Hey.

Cat Man:
What do you want?

Coiffio:
Gerald is making his way to the Natural Mountain.

Cat Man:
Yeah?

Coiffio:
Attack -- ALL AT!

Cat Man:
Yeah.

Coiffio:
Implemente. Impl-- Implement -- Imp --

Cat Man:
Late for work. Bye.

Coiffio:
Just [EFF] [stammers] Hey, Manila?

Uncle Grandfather:
Stop fighting. Stop fighting! Stop fighting. [echoes]

[Young Man and Brenda stop when Young Man spanks Brenda's butt]

Young Man:
Come along, animals. We'll find that boy. Then I'll be back to prove my worth and win the heart of that girl.

[the animals in the car starts to slowly pick up its pace]

Young Man:
Animals, pick it up.

Rod the Anime God:
Congratulations on the beginning of your journey, Gerald.

Gerald Bald Z:
Who...who are you?

Rod the Anime God:
I am Rod, the Anime God.

[Gerald looks at his hot dog]

Rod the Anime God:
Kid, look at me. Listen. Beware the Coiffed one.

Gerald Bald Z:
Who?

Rod the Anime God:
The Coiffed one. Coiffed, like hair.

Gerald Bald Z:
I don't think--

Rod the Anime God:
He is the evil controller of cats.

Gerald Bald Z:
Oh.

Rod the Anime God:
And another thing...the wolf is the cat.

Gerald Bald Z:
Alright. [snickers]

Rod the Anime God:
Hey, if I turn this way, do I look like Antonio Banderas?

Rod the Anime God:
Oh, hey, kid?

Gerald Bald Z:
Yeah?

Rod the Anime God:
Would you mind running down to that store for me now?

Gerald Bald Z:
Oh.

Rod the Anime God:
I sure could use some goodies.

Gerald Bald Z:
Yeah, but--

Rod the Anime God:
Or I will tear your soul apart. [laughs]

Cat Man:
What do you want?

Gerald Bald Z:
We know you.

Cat Man:
Everyone knows Cat Man. What do you want?

Gerald Bald Z:
I seek the ninth level of power. And maybe an inexpensive hair brush.

Hot Dog:
Do da, la la--

[Cat Man back slaps Hot Dog out of the surface]

Cat Man:
[EFF] off, Hot Dog.

Gerald Bald Z:
Perhaps some warm milk would quiet the demons in your head.

Cat Man:
This is what quiet the demons in my head. [opens up a soda can] This makes the male go away.

Gerald Bald Z:
I'm on a journey to Tuna Mountain,

Cat Man:
Look, I don't need any of that bull [opened soda can]. All you anime people on your stupid journeys coming through my yard. I'm sick of it. See this? [shows Gerald his hand claw]

Gerald Bald Z:
Yeah?

Cat Man:
This where your quest ends.

[ICT shows up]

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
HEY, EVERYBODY!

Cat Man:
What the [EFF]?!

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
THIS IS CONVENIENT!

[Cat Man suddenly pulls out a minigun to scare the customers away]

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!

Coiffio:
Why? Why do I use Cat's Man? I [EFF] hate Cat's man!

Coiffio:
Oh, it's so nice of you to join us, Model A**hole. Where have you been all this time? Out gallivanting? Buying scarves with your boyfriend?

Model Robot:
His name is Terry, baby.

Coiffio:
Oh, whoopee!

Coiffio:
Model Robot, transform into a telephone so that I may contact Cat Man at his place of business, the Convenience Store... [looks at the camera] OF DEATH!

Model Robot:
Initiating transform process, baby. 3, 2, 1! Commence transform process, baby.

[Model Robot takes a long time to transform into a telephone]

Coiffio:
Oh, come on, man. Come on, man. Today. This sucks.

Gerald Bald Z:
Oh, Hot Dog, when will I ever attain conspicuously beautiful hair? And what about that evil controller of cats who aims to spoil my significant expedition with his menacing cat-suited--

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
HEY! DO YOU GUYS LIKE MY NEW JEANS?!

Gerald Bald Z:
That Inappropriate Tree has been following us since the Convenience Store.

Action Hot Dog:
Ah.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
THEY'RE NEW JEANS!

Gerald Bald Z:
Hello there, Tree.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
HEY!

Gerald Bald Z:
What's your business?

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
WELL...I USED TO WORK FOR COIFFIO, WHO'S THE EVIL CONTROLLER OF CATS! BUT HE WAS MEAN TO ME AND CRANKY, AND HE DIDN'T LIKE MY JOKES, AND HE CALLED ME NAMES, AND HE USED BAD WORDS, AND THEY REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS, AND I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. SO, I SAVED UP ALL MONEY AND I BOUGHT THESE NEW JEANS, AND I RAN AWAY!

Gerald Bald Z:
What's your name?

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
DO YOU LIKE MY-- NORMAN DOUGLAS!

Gerald Bald Z:
Would you like to join us on our significant quest?

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
THAT'D BE CROAKIN' AWESOME!

Gerald Bald Z:
It's a suddenly a tornado.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
AAGH! TORNADO!

Coiffio:
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Gerald has hooked up with the annoying comedy tree Norman Douglas. Together they might become a mortal enemin-enanies. Enemamies. Ena--

Coiffio:
Ok, listen up, O Astronautic Cat. Fly quickly and attack death. Kill, murder Gerard's bald head.

Coiffio:
Model Robot...transform into a soft terrycloth robe that I might dry off my hot bod before steering this ship toward...oh ho ho-- Dare I say it...THE LAIR OF THE CAT MAN!

[Model Robot transform into a terrycloth for about few minutes]

Coiffio:
Hurry up, A.H., before my genitalia retreats inside my abdomemin. Abdomenomen. MY BELLY!

[Uncle Grandfather sees Gerald in a winding situation]

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh, man. The tornado's about to suck up my bald nephew. [laughs] Awesome. So much for that retarded journey. OH, WAIT!

[Rod the Anime God appears in UG's temple to tell him a message]

Rod the Anime God:
Hey.

Uncle Grandfather:
Hi.

Rod the Anime God:
Journey is not over. Ga-biong-oing-oing.

Uncle Grandfather:
Who are you?

Rod the Anime God:
I'm Rod, the Anime God. Ga-biong-oing-oing.

Rod the Anime God:
Isn't there like a...isn't there like a really hot girl who lives here?

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh. The hot girl. [referring to Brenda]

Rod the Anime God:
Is she here today? Or uh...

Uncle Grandfather:
Why?

[Rod moves closer to UG]

Rod the Anime God:
'Cause I want to show her my ding dong.

Uncle Grandfather & Rod:
[both laugh]

Rod the Anime God:
No, seriously-- The girl, she's our only hope. Where is she?

Uncle Grandfather:
Shut your boring face already.

Rod the Anime God:
Wh-- [offended] What did you say to me...a**hole?

Uncle Grandfather:
You listen to me. I can capture anyone I want at any time. In, buns!

Rod the Anime God:
Are you gonna hit me with a bun?

Uncle Grandfather:
Initiate bun surrounder. Enveloper attack circle, Rod, trap God. [laughter]

[UG summons a giant bun to capture Rod]

Rod the Anime God:
Quit it. Get -- Get this away from me. Get this -- Get this bun off of me.

[the giant bun ates Rod]

Uncle Grandfather:
Damn it, where-- Where'd he go? Bun, go quickly. Warn Gerald, the secret military police are manipulating the plan. Fly, fly away. Fly away fast-- And flap around. Punch him out.

Uncle Grandfather:
Brenda. Come in here. I have news of the utmost importance.

[UG drops coins on the floor]

Uncle Grandfather:
Dropped some money.

[Brenda bends over to grab money, while UG looks at her while eating a banana]

Uncle Grandfather:
Mmm. Bananananana.

Terry/Twisty:
Say, what are you fellows doing in the woodsy forest?

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
DON'T GET TOO CLOSE! HE'LL SUCK YOU UP!

Gerald Bald Z:
Are you here to do us harm?

Terry/Twisty:
Oh, go on. I'm not that kind of tornado. I'm just Terry.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
WE'RE GONNA DIE!

[Terry brings out ice cream]

Gerald Bald Z:
Ice cream.

Terry/Twisty:
See.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
DON'T EAT IT! IT'S POISION!

Terry/Twisty:
Oh, go on, you. I just came out here for a spin.

Gerald Bald Z:
[laughs]

Terry/Twisty:
Oh, ho ho ho ho. Oh.

Gerald Bald Z:
Good one, Terry.

Terry/Twisty:
[drops his act] It's Twisty.

Gerald Bald Z:
What?

Terry/Twisty:
[evil voice] The name's Twisty.

Gerald Bald Z:
Oh. Welcome, Twisty.

Terry/Twisty:
[goes back to his happy form] It's Terry.

Gerald Bald Z:
Terry.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
DAMN IT!

[Coiffio heads to Cat Man's house]

Coiffio:
Cat Man! Cat Man!

Cat Man:
What?

[Cat Man goes in Cat Man's house while looking at Cat Man on his walkie-talkie, but Cat Man already here in house that he just didn't notice yet]

Coiffio:
Have you not heard? Gerard has joined up with Terry as well. Our danger is real!

Model Robot:
His name is Terry, baby.

Coiffio:
I KNOW THAT, MODEL ROBOT! Cat Man!

Cat Man:
Right here.

Model Robot:
Hey, what if, uh...

Coiffio:
Shut up, Model Douchebag. I cannot listen and talk at the same time. Oh, no! Cat Man, where are you? Over.

Model Robot:
What if we drop a, uh...

Coiffio:
Shut up, Model Douchebag.

Model Robot:
...a cat bomb on them.

Coiffio:
[pushes Model Robot out of the house] Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey! Ok, so, anyway...are you, uh, by any chance using the vats sums of money I gave you to administer death murder on Gerard's head yet? Over.

Cat Man:
Oh, definitely. I'm planning a full-scale assault.

Coiffio:
Oh, sweet. Terrific. When does that begin, though? Over?

[Cat Man licks himself]

Coiffio:
Over?

[Cat Man stops then licks himself again]

Coiffio:
Alright, look. I know nobody wants to do this. And uh -- Oh, what time is it? Oh, shoot. Damn it to hell. I got to escape. Just at least turn off the lights in the forest.

Cat Man:
Ok, bye.

[Coiffio clap his hands to disappears then appears after what he just did]

Coiffio:
Did you see that? That's new. CHECK IT!

Young Man:
Scoot over, you smelly animals. And stop urinating on the seats!

Sherman the Giraffe:
That's not fair to us.

Young Man:
Ugh. You don't understand. That nephew on his journey must find the source of the follicle transmissions or the entire security of the grid will be compromised.

Monkey:
Turn.

Young Man:
If the feel angle is activated--

[Young Man's car starts to smoke]

Young Man:
Now what?! Goodness.

Monkey:
Hey, turn the heat on.

Young Man:
What?

Monkey:
We're overheating. It'll dissipate the heat from the engine. Come on, don't you know anything, jerk?!

Young Man:
You don't understand.

Deer:
Turn the heat on!

Young Man:
I'm the key!

Parrot:
Just turn the--

Sherman the Giraffe:
Come on, punk!

Parrot:
Do it!

Young Man:
Fine. Heat's on.

Young Man:
Stupid f***ing animals.

Monkey:
There's a big hole coming up.

[Young Man and his animals fells into a big hole]

Monkey:
Now what do we do, genius?

Young Man:
You don't understand! We're in a big hole!

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
ICE SCREAM SODA!

Gerald Bald Z:
What?

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
I SCREAM SO THE PEOPLE CAN HEAR ME! KNOCK, KNOCK! HA HA HA HA HA!

Gerald Bald Z:
Huh.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
GET IT?

Gerald Bald Z:
No.

[Gerald hear a distant voice from somewhere]

Gerald Bald Z:
Wait, everyone. Who's there?

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
ICE SCREAM SODA!

[distant voice]

Gerald Bald Z:
I hear a sudden voice in my former ear. Hello. Mom?

[the journey suddenly goes to black]

Gerald Bald Z:
Oh, man. All the lights went off.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!

[Uncle Grandfather caught Brenda whispering into Gerald's ear]

Uncle Grandfather:
Brenda, what have you done? You have started the Cat-Bun Wars. Nooooooo!

[Coiffio plays a song to the hot anime girls]

Coiffio:
Check 1, 3, 2, 1. Good evening out there. Silly people out there. Stop echoing the reverb.

Coiffio:
You in the corner, happy birthday! Happy birthday over there. Welcome to Pineapplebee's.

[Coffio stums an upbeat tune]

Coiffio:
Y'all don't be afraid to get up and dance. [singing] Show daddy your hungry and your lonely. Whoa, plastic girl and I've been in Pineapplebee's but I'm along way from home. With a side of danger and you get too tired, so good to me and danger, all the woman around monkey man celebrating your birthday in that monkey way, hey, hey, hey!

Young Man:
Golly, it looks like we're in the middle of war between hot dog buns and cats. And I'm certain this war is because someone is mad at the other.

Felix the Bear:
Just get us out of here, you dumb son of a b*tch.

Young Man:
You don't understand.

Monkey:
And if you hadn't driven us into this hole, maybe we'd be eating ribs by now.

Sherman the Giraffe:
Yeah, or some tacos.

Little Parrot:
Mac and cheese.

Young Man:
Ok, animals, assume battle positions. Ten hut.

[awkward silence]

Sherman the Giraffe:
How's about some fish, then?

Young Man:
Come on, everybody, ten hut.

Sherman the Giraffe:
Felix, how's about you slides down to Apalachicola and pick us up a cooler of fresh fish? Some scrod. No tartar.

Sherman the Giraffe:
You might want to use the Hamburger Necklace thing now, son.

Young Man:
I suppose its magical properties could prevail over the evil force that surround us.

Sherman the Giraffe:
It might even could distract the buns and the cats, then we could go out and be out and go do what we's supposed to be doing.

[Young Man holds up his hamburger necklace in the air]

Young Man:
I'm not so sure this Hamburger Necklace is magical at all.

Sherman the Giraffe:
Wave it around out there.

Young Man:
Look, animals--

Other Animal:
Give it a little jiggle.

Sherman the Giraffe:
You're doing it wrong.

Young Man:
Fine. [waves the hamburger necklace] You happy?

Sherman the Giraffe:
Keep your finger on it.

[Astronomic Cat suddenly takes Young Man's hand with the hamburger necklace]

Young Man:
Hey, that cat took my hand.

Sherman the Giraffe:
Swordfish is good.

Monkey:
Yeah.

Sherman the Giraffe:
Lightly seasoned swordfish.

Uncle Grandfather:
Brenda, I can't believe you started the Cat Bun Wars. Well, I guess now I got to go and negotiate the cease fire. That is so uncool. I guess you'll just have to... [runs towards Brenda looking down at her panties] Make it up to me somehow. Heh heh heh! I wonder how.

[Uncle Grandfather tries to put an end to the Cat Bun Wars by one of the generals signing a peace treaty]

Uncle Grandfather:
General Meow.

General Meow:
[meow]

Uncle Grandfather:
Commander Bun.

Uncle Grandfather:
Ok, I got somewhere I got to be, so...come on, sign it. Come on. Sign it. Sign it. Sign it. Come on. Seriously. Sign it. Sign it. Sign it.

[the scene shows Gerald's house while the fancy music plays]

Coiffio:
I will live on this fanc--

[the music ends when the scene pans to Coiffio's spaceship]

Coiffio:
I will live on this fanciful ship until my house is sold. Brother Robot, have you found me a buyer?

Model Robot:
Why don't you lease it to earn extra income, baby?

Coiffio:
What? Why don't you transform into an a-bomb, blow yourself up?

Model Robot:
Ok, but...but why, baby? Why?

Coiffio:
TURN INTO AN A-BOMB, I SAY!

Model Robot:
Oh, alright.

[Model Robot turns into an a-bomb destroying Coiffio's spaceship]

Coiffio:
[stranded in space] Oh, now I miss him.

Coiffio:
Oh, yeah, what up, pedro? Aeronama! Astro mutt...nut. Space cat, where did you get that hamburger necklace and hand?

Astronomic Cat:
[meow]

Coiffio:
Oh, you've killed Gerald!

Astronomic Cat:
[meow]

Coiffio:
Good, aero nut. What, aero...space cat? Sweet, sweet relief. See, now I can move through FANTASTIC SPACE!

Coiffio:
I give you a treat now, ok?

Astronomic Cat:
[meow]

Uncle Grandfather:
Ok, now, cake, you will pretend you are chambermaid, and vacuum cleaner, you're pleasantly surprised. This leads to sex. Ok, quiet, quiet on the set. Quiet. Speed. Happy suck day to me, take--

[Uncle Grandfather talks on phone with Coiffio]

Uncle Grandfather:
Hello?

Coiffio:
Hey, Nate.

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh, christ.

Coiffio:
Guess what?

Uncle Grandfather:
Why?

Coiffio:
I killed your son. [laughs]

Uncle Grandfather:
What are you talking about?

Coiffio:
I killed him.

Uncle Grandfather:
I don't have a son.

Coiffio:
'CAUSE I KILLED HIM! [laughs]

Uncle Grandfather:
You're retarded.

Coiffio:
I killed him.

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh, god. I gotta go, 'cause--

Coiffio:
'Cause I killed him.

Uncle Grandfather:
Cake and vacuum cleaner are waiting on me.

Coiffio:
Yes.

Uncle Grandfather:
So...leave the message after the tone. [hangs up]

Coiffio:
What? What? Boss. I mean, b-- Boss! BOSS!

[Rod appears at Coiffio's spaceship]

Rod the Anime God:
Psst. Check it out.

Coiffio:
Who the [EFF] are you?

Rod the Anime God:
I'm Ra, the God. How much you want for it?

Coiffio:
What are you talking about?

Rod the Anime God:
Your crib, dude.

Coiffio:
Oh, yeah.

Rod the Anime God:
I love sunken living rooms.

Coiffio:
You have good taste. But first Astronomic Cat must perform...background check.

Astronomic Cat:
[meow]

Coiffio:
Go!

[Astronomic Cat does background check on computer]

Rod the Anime God:
What the hell's that cat doing, man?

Coiffio:
Aw, chill, Ra. I'm sure you'll pass. Ah, 7 years to pay off a hatchback?

Rod the Anime God:
Dude--

Coiffio:
[laughs] That's getting weird.

Rod the Anime God:
Look, I'd love to just hang out here and watch your cat type, uh, the letter "R" 25 times in a row--

Coiffio:
I'm selling this crib, man, based on my silliness over killing the bald Gerald?

Rod the Anime God:
That bald kid? Man, that dude is not dead.

Coiffio:
What?

Rod the Anime God:
Yeah, I just saw him, like, today.

Coiffio:
Yeah, why, so, yeah. [shows him Young Man's hand] I got his hand, man.

Rod the Anime God:
No, come on.

Coiffio:
Hey, Ra, hey, Ra.

Rod the Anime God:
No, you don't.

Coiffio:
What are you talking about?

Rod the Anime God:
I mean, look at all this hair.

Coiffio:
What?

Rod the Anime God:
What you got there is a man hand.

Coiffio:
Oh, no. Oh, no. Don't do this. Come on!

[Rod suddenly start to sneeze Coiffio's spaceship away]

Rod the Anime God:
Oh, man.

Baby:
[cries]

Cat Man:
Can I see some I.D.?

Baby:
[cries]

Cat Man:
Ah, just kidding.

[Coiffio runs to Cat Man in the store to tell that Gerald is still alive]

Coiffio:
Hey, attention--

[Cat Man shoots Coiffio with a minigun]

Coiffio:
I heard the most disturbing news.

Cat Man:
What?

Coiffio:
Gerald is still alive.

Cat Man:
Who cares?

Coiffio:
Aw, Cat Man. Come on, man. We care.

Cat Man:
I don't.

[awkward pause]

Coiffio:
I care about you, Cat Man.

Cat Man:
Argh.

Coiffio:
Do me a sour, Cat Man. Turn the lights back on in the forest.

Cat Man:
I'm busy.

Coiffio:
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, man. Whenver you get a window, man? [tackles Cat Man] Like RIGHT NOW!

Young Man:
First I get trapped in a hole with smelly animals who bicker, then my hand is severed, now I have to care for a drunk baby.

Sherman the Giraffe:
W-W-W-We could eat that.

Young Man:
Drunk baby.

Sherman the Giraffe:
Put some sauce on his face.

Young Man:
[to the Baby] I'm afraid you'll have to find another place to live.

Monkey:
Oh, hang on. Baby's got a 12-pack.

Zebra:
Crack-a-lackin!

Sherman the Giraffe:
Don't be stingy. Pop the top, throw it up here.

Young Man:
Oh, you animals are incorrigible.

[UG makes a sex tape with a vacuum cleaner and a cake]

Uncle Grandfather:
Vacuum cleaner bend cake over. That's right. And then you go...

[uses the vacuum cleaner to hump the cake]

Uncle Grandfather:
That's it. Rated "R."

[humps the cake with the vacuum cleaner again]

Uncle Grandfather:
[standing behind the camera] Frost his bag. Frost his bag. Frost his bag. Oh, my god.

[the Secret Military Policeman arrived]

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh, hi.

Uncle Grandfather:
Can you get this vacuum cleaner how to f*** this cake?

Narrator:
We now journey the join-- Uh...already in progress.

Gerald Bald Z:
Friends...we're all in this together. So, Tree, if Terry pulls a knife on you--

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
WHAT?!

Terry/Twisty:
Ha ha ha.

Gerald Bald Z:
He's crazy.

Gerald Bald Z:
But we have to continue our journey to Tuna Mountain or I'm gonna be stuck with this imperfect hair forever. And you know people are trying to kill us. And weird things happen.

[Space Ghost appears on screen dancing a few seconds after disappearing]

Gerald Bald Z:
So, let's just put our heads together and get through this.

Terry/Twisty:
Hey, friends, I have an idea.

Gerald Bald Z:
Yes?

Terry/Twisty:
Let's make a list of all the things that are trying to thwart our significant quest.

Gerald Bald Z:
Alright.

Terry/Twisty:
First one is this tree.

[Twisty stabs ICT]

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
AAGH! HE STABBED ME IN MY NECK!

Terry/Twisty:
Ha ha ha.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?!

Terry/Twisty:
Yes.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
COME GET SOME, MAN!

[ICT and Twisty get into a big fight]

Terry/Twisty:
On your knees.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
AAGH!

Gerald Bald Z:
I'm frustrated by my journey and you people aren't helping.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
STOP DOING THAT! STOP IT!

Action Hot Dog:
Do the la la la la la la la la la la la la la la.

Gerald Bald Z:
Hot Dog? Hot Dog...you're starting to piss me off.

Cat Man:
[on phone] ...And then ram the whole head of it into the ground. I mean, it didn't even... [sees Gerald] Uh...bye. [hangs up]

Cat Man:
Hey, Paul.

Action Hot Dog:
La?

Gerald Bald Z:
What?

Cat Man:
Where you guys-- [Cat Man suddenly gets triggered at a squirrel chirping, and then the squirrel walks away] Where you guys going?

Gerald Bald Z:
I'm on a journey to Mount Tuna Mountain.

[Rod appears]

Rod the Anime God:
Dynamite. What's going on, yo. What's up, what's happening, what's shaking? I heard somebody say journey.

Gerald Bald Z:
I'm *on* a journey.

Rod the Anime God:
I hear they're coming to the Tune Arena. I got tickets...for you.

Gerald Bald Z:
No, thank you.

Action Hot Dog:
[grumbles]

Rod the Anime God:
Look, you gonna buy these tickets or not, 'cause I really need some cash for a down payment on my house that I'm buying from Coiffio. Who wants to move space.

Gerald Bald Z:
We don't need tickets. We need to get to Tuna Mountain.

Rod the Anime God:
Whoa. If Tuna Mountain is what you seek, just look for the sign.

Gerald Bald Z:
What sign is that?

Rod the Anime God:
Uh -- I don't know. There's probably a sign. Anyone have a map? Anyone have a map to the signs?

Cat Man:
You want to get to tuna mountain, you're gonna need motorcycles.

Gerald Bald Z:
Really?

Cat Man:
Yeah, motorcycles. Tuna Mountain. [licks himself]

Rod the Anime God:
[to Gerald] He's in a cat suit.

Gerald Bald Z:
Yeah.

Cat Man:
[pissed] What cat suit?

Rod the Anime God:
Hey, kid, come here, look, look down here, look down here.

[shows Gerald an drug pack with Skillet on it]

Rod the Anime God:
Put this on your tongue.

Gerald Bald Z:
What is it?

Rod the Anime God:
LSD.

Gerald Bald Z:
Is it dangerous?

Rod the Anime God:
Yeah. Ha ha.

Gerald Bald Z:
No, thank you.

Rod the Anime God:
And it's fun and legal.

Gerald Bald Z:
No, thank you.

[ICT shows up]

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
HEY! ANYBODY LIKE FUNNY JOKES?!

[ICT caught the LSD pack into his mouth while running into them]

Rod the Anime God:
[to Gerald] You're already on part of this drug. [laughter] Dumbass.

Coiffio:
Excuse me. I'm enraged to see you with Gerald and not killing him.

Cat Man:
You said to kill Paul.

Coiffio:
Oh, who the [EFF] is Paul? I said Gerald!

Gerald Bald Z:
Are you Coiffio?

Coiffio:
Aha!

Gerald Bald Z:
The evil controller of cats.

Coiffio:
[EFF]ing-a right little b*tch.

Coiffio:
I challenge you...to a chopper duel.

Gerald Bald Z:
What?

Coiffio:
A chopper duel.

Gerald Bald Z:
What?

Coiffio:
CHOPPER DUEL!

Gerald Bald Z:
What?

Coiffio:
[sighs] I challenge you to a motorcycle competition.

Gerald Bald Z:
But we're in the dense forest.

Coiffio:
Yeah, but...I mean...

Gerald Bald Z:
We'll need a race track.

[Rod appears in a small size version]

Rod the Anime God:
Did somebody say race track or not? Huh? Damn it!

[Rod restarts his entrance again to his original version]

Rod the Anime God:
Did someone say race track, or...

Gerald Bald Z:
Yes.

Rod the Anime God:
Who needs race tracks?

Gerald Bald Z:
We do.

Rod the Anime God:
I got all that stuff, but, uh...I gots to get paid.

Coiffio:
Oh, hello, ward.

Rod the Anime God:
Uh.

Coiffio:
Are you prepared to make an off on my house, giant flame?

Rod the Anime God:
Ha ha. Well, don't you think you're asking a little too much for it, man?

Coiffio:
This other couple seems not to think I'm not asking too much.

Rod the Anime God:
Dude, listen--

Coiffio:
WARD!

Rod the Anime God:
Dude.

Gerald Bald Z:
That man in the cat suit says we need motorcycles to get to Tuna Mountain.

Cat Man:
What cat suit?

Coiffio:
But -- But...I-I challenge him to a race to the death! So, we need a race track.

Rod the Anime God:
Alright, look. I can clear all this up with a low 8.9% APR financing on 30-year mortgage with no down payment, alright?

Coiffio:
Hmm.

Rod the Anime God:
[to Gerald] And if you-- If you buy my tickets...then I'll do this. So, everybody agrees with me?

Gerald & Coiffio:
Agreed.

Rod the Anime God:
Oh, yes. Gonna take a little trip. [Rod pulls up a lighter to flame his scroll to turn it to a racetrack]

Young Man:
Here we are, folks, at the Ultimate Immortal Death Race 3200.com between Coiffio and Young Gerald. And I'm being told we have astronomical--

Sherman the Giraffe:
Not to interrupt and cut you off, Young Son, but we have Astronomical Cat providing aerial views of the race.

Young Man:
We're just moments away from the start, as the racers make their last-minute preparations.

Sherman the Giraffe:
And the breeze is in the northeasterly direction.

Coiffio:
Hey, what brand did you give me to prevent Gerald from a victory?

Cat Man:
Oh, I got a little something. Check it out. [brings out an alligator from the crate]

Coiffio:
Heh. Alligator.

Cat Man:
You know, throw it on the track.

[Alligator attack Cat Man]

Cat Man:
GET OFF ME, YOU [EFF]ING GATOR!

Coiffio:
Ha ha ha. Helpful as usual.

Coiffio:
Oh, did you want to get to Tuna Mountain?

Gerald Bald Z:
Yeah.

Coiffio:
You're going to have to get past me first!

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
BRING IT ON, MAN! WE'LL KICK YOUR ASS!

Coiffio:
[imitates motorcycle]

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
STOP IT! STOP DOING THAT!

Coiffio:
Heh heh. Now, I'm gonna do it with the engine.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
QUIT IT! WE'LL KICK YOUR ASS!

Gerald Bald Z:
Tree, I have bad news for you.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
WHAT?

Gerald Bald Z:
I'm afraid I've got to do this alone.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ALONE?

Gerald Bald Z:
I'm sorry. It's your enormous helmet.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
[sees his enormous helmet] WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Gerald Bald Z:
The drag on your enormous helmet will be too much. And you just can't draft with a helmet that enormous. And you're also...just a...tree.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Gerald Bald Z:
Come on now. You're being overly emotional because of the drugs you took earlier.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
IT'S SUPER UNFAIR THAT I'M NOT ACCEPTED BY YOU ALL! WAAA-HA-HAAAAAA!

Coiffio:
I will end you! How about them apples, my young, bald nenemi -- E -- Emenis. Emenesis.

Gerald Bald Z:
Alright. [smirks]

Sherman the Giraffe:
Looks like a-a baby or stra-- A baby with an alligator mouth? Uh, wha.

Young Man:
I can't believe it! The Aeronautical Flying Cat is using his wing volition crystal croc toss powers to hoist the motor gator rider off his bike!

Sherman the Giraffe:
What? What did you say?

Sherman the Giraffe:
Oh, seeing that, that frank dog thing reminds me I'm kind of hungry.

Young Man:
Shh.

Sherman the Giraffe:
Maybe the Peanut Man will probably come up here.

Young Man:
Excuse me, these guys are racing to the death.

Sherman the Giraffe:
I don't see nobody dying over here.

Young Man:
They're racing to die.

Sherman the Giraffe:
It's nothing happening to these guys.

[Coiffio's colorful hair suddenly falls off]

Coiffio:
Oh, no! My fantastic do! Call 911!

Sherman the Giraffe:
If that hot dog defeats the alligator and then drags his body over and props him up against that hair...

Young Man:
And if Twisty flicks his cigarette at them gas tanks...

Terry/Twisty:
What?

Sherman the Giraffe:
The young balding boy might just could use that hair as a ramp!

Gerald Bald Z:
This whole race is confusing. Maybe if Twisty would flick his cigarette towards those gas tanks--

Terry/Twisty:
What?

Gerald Bald Z:
The explosion would drive me around the track, and up that hair ramp, to fly toward the mountain that does not exist.

Gerald Bald Z:
Twisty! Confusing My Road To Free Combustion Power Ash Flick Force! Activate!

Terry/Twisty:
What?

Gerald Bald Z:
Perform Chesterfield Slims Iron Lung Fuel Flip Synergy Ignition!

Terry/Twisty:
What?

Gerald Bald Z:
Activate Lucy Flip Phase 9 Power Fuel Consumption Protocol!

Terry/Twisty:
What?

Gerald Bald Z:
DO IT! NOW!

[Twisty flicks his cigar to the gas tanks to Gerald fly high out of the race]

Narrator:
From Los Angeles, California, it's "The Perfect Hair Forever Comedy Variety Hour." Featuring Steve Martin, [credit shows Vishal Roney] Ruth Buzzi, [credit shows Melissa Warrenburg] and Steve Buzzi. [credits shows Warren Roneyburg]

Felix the Bear:
You a hot dog, you know.

Sherman the Giraffe:
I don't know nothing about nothing about nothing.

Felix the Bear:
Sh...yeah. You just a japanese hotdog giraffe, that's what you are.

Sherman the Giraffe:
You watch your mouth there, boy.

Felix the Baar:
Heh heh!

Sherman the Giraffe:
I ain't gonna give you too many chances now.

Narrator:
...Tonight will not be...comedy buttocks. Forever...variety bring you our Japanese Bear Dad.

Gerald Bald Z:
What's wrong with Dad?

Gerald's Mom:
H-He's a bear.

Gerald Bald Z:
Goodness. Was he a bear this morning?

Gerald's Mom:
He was...until he got his morning coffee. Now he's a Japanese Bear Dad.

Gerald Bald Z:
Was Dad a Japanese Bear Dad this morning?

Gerald's Mom:
I don't know. I was too drunk. I woke up drunk. Weren't you?

Gerald Bald Z:
Hah. I'm too young to drink.

Japanese Bear Dad:
[roar]

Gerald Bald Z:
That bear sure looks hungry, [looks at the viewers] even if he is our Dad.

Audience:
[laugh track]

Gerald Bald Z:
Dad, I'm home from school.

Japanese Bear Dad:
[roar]

Gerald Bald Z:
Guess what, I've just invented the internet, but it's made of wood.

[shows him a decapitated head of Model Robot]

Gerald Bald Z:
Mom, where's my bike?

Gerald's Mom:
Oh -- Oh you know what? Japanese Bear Dad sold it to himself to use in his toyko circus act.

Gerald Bald Z:
Hey? Let's find that circus and buy back my bike.

Gerald's Mom:
Ugh, can we do it tomorrow.

Gerald Bald Z:
Tomorrow? Japan isn't open on Sundays.

Gerald's Mom:
Not your tomorrow, my tomorrow. My -- My tommorrow's Wednesday. [grunts indistinctly]

Gerald Bald Z:
What are all these [EFF]ing birds doing here?

Gerald's Mom:
I don't know.

Narrator:
From Los Angeles, California, geese.

Gerald's Mom:
And -- And I don't celebrate Wednesdays.

Network Executive:
We just got the test results back from Japanese Bear Dad. It's a disaster. Bears are scary. No child wants to be raised by bears.

Television Executive #3:
And this bear doesn't do drugs, so there's no "B" story.

Network Executive:
Fund it.

Television Executive #3:
Hey, hey, hey, how about the hot dog?

[Action Hot Dog appears]

Action Hot Dog:
Do the la la la la la la la la--

[Action Hot Dog suddenly get smacked in front of the TV by Japanese Bear Dad]

Network Executive:
Fund it.

Television Executive #2:
Let me ask you this-- Does anybody here know how the moon was formed?

Television Executive #3:
Congress.

Television Executive #2:
Yeah, that's -- That's -- That's -- Ding!

Television Executive #1:
Uh, ding!

Television Executive #2:
And, uh, what about the oceans?

Television Executive #3:
Congress.

Television Executive #1:
Ding! Ding! Diiinnnnng!

Television Executive #2:
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

Television Executive #3:
Ding!

Space Ghost:
[drunk] Y'all -- Y'all have any work for me? Do'h. Oh...there ya go. [burps] Now, wait a minute. Y'all have any work for me?

Network and Television Executives:
[laughing]

[Space Ghost drunkly leaves]

Space Ghost:
[drunk] Well, let's call someone and tell 'em the bad news. Let's call-- Let's call...Mom. [dial tone]

Felix the Bear:
[roars]

Space Ghost:
[drunk] Hey, check it out, man, there's a bear coming. Hey, buddy--

[Felix shoots Space Ghost with a gun]

Narrator:
From Los Angeles, California, it's Ghost Bear Junior High Attendance Party.

[Coiffio reads everyone's names before beginning school]

Coiffio:
Ok, Brenda.

[Brenda shows up in japan female student suit]

Network Executive:
[shows up from the door] Fund it.

Coiffio:
Present. Heh heh heh. Astronomic Cat.

[Astronomic Cat lift s up his desks]

Coiffio:
Ghost Bear.

Felix the Bear:
[growls]

Coiffio:
Ghost Bear?

Felix the Goat:
[growls]

Coiffio:
Uh-oh. Tardy again.

[Ghost Bear (Felix) brutally murders the whole classroom]

Coiffio:
Heh heh heh! Oh, Ghost Bear. I guess you're here after all. And...Taylor, I'm gonna mark you down as absent...forever.

[sees Taylor getting eating by Ghost Bear]

Narrator:
From Los Angeles, California [clears throat] Hello, boys. Have some coffee.

[Uncle Grandfather looks down at her panties again]

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh, yes. Let's play spin the bottle. Hot girl. Climb aboard me and start to be spinning...on my bottle. Heh heh.

[suddenly the papers start to farts from the teacher desk]

Uncle Grandfather Oy.

Network Executive:
Fund it.

[Native Americans go to an Indian shop]

Old Native American:
Whoa, ho. Look at those turquoise fish.

Native American:
[deep voice] Those are bracelets.

Old Native American:
I can't believe we paid $80 for this.

Narrator:
Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Brenda and her amazing revolving buttocks.

Narrator:
Computers.

[after Brenda's buttocks scene is over, the next scene shows the same journey that Gerald and his friends are going to]

Narrator:
It's Gerald.

Sherman the Giraffe:
I'm famished. How's about we go back to the bay area and get some crabs?

Young Man:
Let's see how the judges react? [looks at the viewers] Judges?

[Judges have no response]

Young Man:
Come on, judges, react!

Secret Military Policeman #1:
The sex sure is good.

Secret Military Policeman #2:
Yes, it is.

Secret Military Policeman #3:
This is good.

Secret Military Policeman #1:
And I'm envisioning you thrusting all over me right now in extremely graphic way.

Secret Military Policeman #3:
Oh, man.

Secret Military Policeman #2:
Yeah. That's right. We can't thrust at each other because that's a standards problem.

Secret Military Policeman #1:
But I'm feeling you thrust all against me anyway with your hot dog.

Secret Military Policeman #3:
Love it when it touches my hot dog.

Secret Military Policeman #2:
Oh, thank you.

[Action Hot Dog shows up in the SMP's bed]

Action Hot Dog:
Do the la la la la la la la la.

Secret Military Policeman #2:
I like it, too.

Network Executive:
[shows up in the SMP's covers] Space Ghost.

[Cat Man plays with a ball on string]

Cat Man:
That's it, b*tch. I'll suck it. [tries to do a flying kick but fails miserably] Cat Man will [EFF] you up. I want to go pick up some cold ones and knock 'em back.

Secret Military Policemen #1:
This Cat-Bun War is out of control. I say we get out of bed and make some further arrests.

Secret Military Policemen #3:
I'm nude under these covers, and of I stand up, I'll be blurred out. This is the internet, right?

Secret Military Policemen #2:
Yeah, so let's nude it up.

Secret Military Policemen #1:
Yes. Arrest nude cops. We like to arrest new cops.

Secret Military Policemen #2:
Arrest nude cops. We like to arrest new cops.

Secret Military Policemen #3:
Yep. Arrest new cops.

Voice:
Gerald?

Gerald Bald Z:
Huh?

Voice:
Gerald?

Gerald Bald Z:
What?

Voice:
Are you okay?

Gerald Bald Z:
No.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
IS THAT YOU, GOD?

Gerald Bald Z:
Man, the last thing I remember, I was on a motorcycle flying through the air.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
BUT YOU LOST MEMORY FROM THE CRASH, AND THE LAST THING YOU REMEMBER IS YOU WERE A CHEF!

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
...RIGHT?

Gerald Bald Z:
No. I think I was on a quest for Tuna Mountain.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
NO! YOUR NAME IS CAMILLE. YOU'RE A 5-STAR CHEF!

[Twisty shoots ICT]

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
AAH! WHO SHOT ME!

Terry/Twisty:
That giant helmet saved you.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
I FELL OVER DEAD! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

Terry/Twisty:
[evil voice] He's lost his mind.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
WHAT?

Terry/Twisty:
LET'S KNIFE HIM.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
DUDE!

[Twisty stabs ICT again]

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
AAH!

Terry/Twisty:
[evil laugh]

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
YOU STABBED ME!

Gerald Bald Z:
Stop. You people are talking over my journey.

Wetsy:
Why, hello, everyone. I'm Wetsy.

Gerald Bald Z:
Nice to meet you, Wetsy.

Gerald Bald Z:
I wonder what will happen next... [looks at the viewers] on the internet.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
I'M VERY CONCERNED!

Uncle Grandfather:
[to Brenda] Why don't you get comfortably...nude...while I slip into a giant man-father-sized condom? [chuckles]

[the machine suddenly put the big condom inside of UG]

Uncle Grandfather:
Condom hang. Condom-om-o-men. Condom-om-o-men-ni.

Uncle Grandfather:
Now, Brenda, I have decided that Gerald's journey is a sign that we need to be doing it. [repeating] Doing it.

Uncle Grandfather:
And the reason I know this is that...all things... [dramatic sound effect] were revealed to me [dramatic sound effect] ...through hardcore [EFF] on the pornography-nomen sites.

Uncle Grandfather:
[clicks on a porno site] Ah, di-bah...oh. Did I mention God told me to blow everything up?

Rod the Anime God:
I just paid you all my cash for this house.

Coiffio:
[jumping on the bed] I just accepted your cash for this house.

[Wetsy storms inside the room]

Rod the Anime God:
Dude, now it's completely flooded.

Coiffio:
And I'm sure you don't have any flood insurance.

Rod the Anime God:
[groans]

Coiffio:
Do you, Katrina?

Rod the Anime God:
No, I don't.

Coiffio:
[laughs]

Rod the Anime God:
Well, all I can do now is move in with... [transports to Gerald's house] you guys. That's right.

[Cat Man uses his minigun trying to shoot Wetsy that flooded Cat Man's place]

Coiffio:
Cat Man! What up, bro?

Cat Man:
I'm sitting here hating water.

Coiffio:
[pauses] ...Why? GET IN THE BOAT!

Coiffio:
Allow me to explain where we're going.

Cat Man:
Agh.

Coiffio:
[singing] We are going to a space celebration of the thwarting of Gerald's Journey to Tuna Mountain. Where it is with me who he is going...there because...to...uh...

Cat Man:
Uh...

Coiffio:
He is a secret chef at a rival food restaurant...probably.

Cat Man:
Coiffio, what the [EFF] are you talking about? Where did you go to school?

Coiffio:
I can out you in the water.

Cat Man:
No.

Coiffio:
I'm gonna jiggle the boat. I'm gonna flip the boat over.

Cat Man:
[to the viewers] Let's go to a commercial. Let's go to a commercial. COMMERCIAL!

Gerald Bald Z:
Hello, I'm Gerald Bald -- Bald, and I've made $325 dollars last year with just walking around on a confusing quest. Now you too can be on this quest. [cuts to the next scene where Gerald's line was remaked] Now you too can be on this quest.

Gerald Bald Z:
Have you ever wanted to be friends with a hot dog...

Action Hot Dog:
La la la!

Gerald Bald Z:
...a tree...

Inaproppriate Comedy Tree:
HEY, EVERYBODY!

Gerald Bald Z:
...and a torndado?

Terry/Twisty:
Come here. [said it camly]

[the next suddenly starts to go on an acid trip]

Gerald Bald Z:
I'M TRIPPING MY BRAINS OUT ON ACID! Now how much would you pay? Phone lines open right after the buff break... [goes off character] That doesn't sound like Gerald at all.

Rod the Anime God:
[on phone] Hello? Hello? Come on, man. Hello? Yes. Yes, I'm very interested in tripping my [EFF]ing brains out on acid.

Gerald Bald Z:
And I'm so glad we finally reached Tuna Mountain and did all that stuff to the thing.

Action Hot Dog:
La.

Gerald Bald Z:
To the guy.

Action Hot Dog:
La.

Gerald Bald Z:
And played that trick on him. It was worth it.

Action Hot Dog:
La la la!

Gerald Bald Z:
Now we can finally move on to Pancake or Hamburger Mountain.

[Rod is chilling at Gerald's house]

Rod the Anime God:
You guys got any food in here or anything? You got any crackers, any meat, any kind of cheeses or any kind of thing I can munch on? How about -- How about a whole turkey? [farts]

Rod the Anime God:
You better call a priest for that one, man. Oh, man. That is never coming out of the carpet.

Rod the Anime God:
Whoa, whoa, Wait a second, man. That's "Cat Wars." Leave that on. See that one there? That's Cat Vader, man. And that's Calico Kenobi. That's Luke Cali-mock-aman. And the...there's the -- P -- Paws -- Paws Gallagher. [farts] [laughs] I'm pretty neat, aren't I?

Rod the Anime God:
Got any liquor?

Young Man:
Sherman, you do not understand.

Sherman the Giraffe:
Oh, alright.

Young Man:
All of this danger in low APR financing reminds me of [looks at his limbed body part] What ever happened yo my hand that was holding that Hamburger Necklace?

Sherman the Giraffe:
Cat Snatch fever. It's been going around. And all this talking of yours is making me more starving.

Young Man:
I sure could use that hand.

Sherman the Giraffe:
What you got to eat? Something to eat, something to split?

Young Man:
Good heavens. What's this?

[Young Man and Sherman sees one of the hot dog bun and a cat fighting still battling each other on a alligator]

Sherman the Giraffe:
We'll go half on it.

Young Man:
Oh, my!

Sherman the Giraffe:
Hey, what is he doing? You didn't hear about the truce? Hey, hey. Break it up. Break it up, guys. It's over now.

[Cat kills hot dog bun]

Sherman the Giraffe:
They're gonna jump him now. Here they come. Now everybody wants to jump him now, right? It's not fair, not a fair fight.

Young Man:
You know, I wish these hot dogs and cats were not symbolic of anything and this was all just a dumb anime mind[EFF].

Sherman the Giraffe:
Shoot, I wish you just had some cold ones, probably, at least 12 of them. We should probably go for the whole 24 maybe.

Young Man:
There's that old man's house. Maybe he knows what's going on.

Sherman the Giraffe:
At least we're floating.

Young Man:
You don't understand. It's a mind[EFF].

Uncle Grandfather:
Eight years have passed since my stupid grand-nephew have big ideas for a quest that involved woods or clouds or something stupid.

Uncle Grandfather:
His quest upset the balance of muscles, but I didn't care, because they weren't my muscles. Mm...my third muscle. Muscular Distraction. Pumping -- Pumping up and down...

Gerald Bald Z:
Look, Hot Dog.

[Action Hot Dog stops after done rainbow peeing]

Action Hot Dog:
La?

Gerald Bald Z:
Tuna Mountain. Our quest is revealed...again.

[Tuna Mountain suddenly explodes]

Uncle Grandfather:
I blew it up. [laughs evilly] The disappointment on his face was...amazing.

Uncle Grandfather:
Magic is not nearly as lucrative as real estate. But still, I craved petty larceny.

[one of the secret military policemen knock on UG's door]

Secret Military Policemen:
We have reports of you breaking into cars.

Uncle Grandfather:
Nope. [UG closes his door]

[one of the secret military policemen knocks on his door again]

Secret Military Policemen:
We have reports of your cable being out.

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh. Then come in.

Uncle Grandfather:
Yes. My cable is out. [laugh evilly]

Secret Military Policemen:
The problem is -- You stuck the cable from that groin to your cake.

Uncle Grandfather:
Just one more minute. I'm authenticating.

Secret Military Policemen:
You're not gonna get a signal.

Uncle Grandfather:
Shut up. [moans]

Uncle Grandfather:
I'm definitely getting a signal.

Uncle Grandfather:
PHONE RIGNER! GO!

[phone ringer rings then UG answers the phone]

Uncle Grandfather:
Hello?

Coiffio:
Hold please. I have a call coming in.

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh. Well, certainly. [hangs up]

Uncle Grandfather:
I mean, he just called me, and now he's saying--

[phone ringer rings again]

Coiffio:
Uncle Grandfather?

Uncle Grandfather:
Oh, hello, box[EFF]

Coiffio:
I AM THE LEADER OF THIS CALL.

Uncle Grandfather:
You owe me $481 in back rent.

Coiffio:
There were many holidays. The banks were closed many, many times.

Uncle Grandfather:
Are you lying?

Coiffio:
Yes. It's what I do confuse your mind.

Uncle Grandfather:
Lie accepted. First place.

Coiffio:
How about I send you some poison balloons? Poison balloons!

Uncle Grandfather:
Yeah, you send me that, and I'll send you a ticking ham.

Coiffio:
Ha! It's all settled then. Catch you on the flip.

Uncle Grandfather:
Wait, wait, wait, wait wait. Did you rehearse the song for the wedding?

Coiffio:
Yes. Your lyrics were quite good.

Uncle Grandfather:
Thank you.

Coiffio:
Poignant.

Uncle Grandfather:
Thank you.

Coiffio:
Heartfelt.

Uncle Grandfather:
Thank you.

Coiffio:
Really nailed the tone.

Uncle Grandfather:
Good. I'm glad. [serious] You owe me $481 in rent.

Coiffio:
Call me back after you've eaten your ham. But you won't be able to. [laughs] SPOILER ALERT!

[UG hangs up]

Uncle Grandfather:
Hooray.

Secret Military Policemen:
That's a good show. Great show.

Action Hot Dog:
Do the la la la la la la la la la la. [drops out of character] This is stupid.

Gerald Bald Z:
Middle management is harder than I thought. Everyone wants something from me. But I never got what I wanted -- Perfect Hair...

Young Man:
Manager?

Gerald Bald Z:
...for as long as possible.

Young Man:
Manager.

Gerald Bald Z:
And also...Brenda.

Young Man:
MANAGER!

Gerald Bald Z:
What?

Young Man:
My wedding is in eight minutes.

Gerald Bald Z:
Mm-hmm.

Young Man:
And I need to make sure the indigo ballroom is ready for my reception.

Gerald Bald Z:
Okay.

Young Man:
In eight minutes.

Gerald Bald Z:
Uh-huh, okay.

Young Man:
You don't understand. This wedding represents the victory of my family. Aunt Jenny, Uncle Ed, Aunt Joan, Aunt Jackie, Judy and Rainey and their three children, Madison, Brynn, and...Lambros.

Gerald Bald Z:
Huh.

Young Man:
And Barbara just got married.

Coiffio:
Okay, listen up, Aeronomic -- Aeronaut -- Mm.

Astronomic Cat:
[meow]

Coiffio:
Sit the smallest box on top and let the merging of cardboard begin. MERGING BEGIN!

[Coiffio humps the cardboard of the Model Robot]

Coiffio:
Now you must fly. Hurry! Implement -- Implement -- Go together, all boxes. Let's go, home slice.

Astronomic Cat:
[meows]

Coiffio:
Be sure to check the alley behind the liquor store. In 15 to 20 years, my fearsome cardboard-box-army robots will help me get out of this overpriced, crappy townhouse WHERE NOTHING WORKS!

Cat Man:
Hey, clown. I'm banging on this door. Open up. [bangs door] Cat Man coming in the house. [bangs door] I've been out here for eight years kicking on this door. Now open it.

[Rod instead opens his garage door]

Rod the Anime God:
Okay, I'm sensing a problem here.

Cat Man:
Uh, yeah, there's been some complaint of you smoking in your apartment.

Rod the Anime God:
That 'cause I'm a flame, man.

Cat Man:
Should have vaped that stuff, bro. Now I got to smell this, and now you're in trouble.

Rod the Anime God:
Yeah, yeah, well, I'm a flame, so...happens.

Cat Man:
No smoking in the building, alright? I'm furious. People are...people are pissed off around here.

Rod the Anime God:
[gets closed to Cat Man intensely] I'm a bonfire, born to smoke. You should shove that right up cat-hole.

Cat Man:
Cat-hole? What the hell are you talking about? I don't have a cat-hole.

Rod the Anime God:
Well, come on in here, man. I'll make you one.

Cat Man:
I don't know, dude.

Rod the Anime God:
Check it out. [holds a burning mouse on a string tied to a stick]

Cat Man:
Mm, what's that?

Rod the Anime God:
Here, kitty, kitty.

Cat Man:
Hey, I want that.

Rod the Anime God:
Psst, psst, psst, psst.

Cat Man:
Let me get that.

Young Man:
I think I can purify the Danielson fragments before the main body escapes into the time fog...in eight minutes.

Young Man:
How do I look? [looks at his hand mirror] You better say better than you.

[Gerald sees his severed ear on the back of Young Man's head that Brenda cut off]

Gerald Bald Z:
That's my ear.

Action Hot Dog:
La la?

Young Man:
Uh, say it into my favorite ear.

Gerald Bald Z:
Oh, man. The love of my life cut your favorite ear off my head my head so she could direct me from Uncle Grandfather's sex prison to Tuna Mountain. She saves me by starting a war. In order to save her, I had to ignore her...and the plot.

Young Man; Well, you [EEF] that up, and she love me. You don't even enough hair to love.

Gerald Bald Z:
I know you say you know, but you don't even know her name.

Young Man:
Her name is Margaret. And she loves me because I have enough hair to shampoo.

Gerald Bald Z:
Most quest don't even have weddings.

Young Man:
Quests like this lead to weddings...just not yours.

Young Man:
[looks at his hand mirror] I'll need that indigo ballroom clean and filled with wedding cakes and petits fours in the shape of my face...in eight minutes.

Gerald Bald Z:
And it's my job to provide good customer service, even though the water is rising above our ankles.

Gerald Bald Z:
This makes me think of a sad song. It's called "Brenda, you're making a huge mistake."

[Gerald sings his sad song along the way while floating on water in a janitor cart]

Young Man:
Her name is Margaret.

[Space Ghost and Zorak are watching Perfect Hair Forever]

Space Ghost:
Zorak, are you watching this [EFF]?

Zorak:
Bleh!

Space Ghost:
I've been pitching them shows for years, and they're making this.

Space Ghost:
What the [EFF].

Zorak:
Eh, what are you gonna do?

Space Ghost:
It takes four days just to get Keith to call me back. What else is on?

Gerald Bald Z:
Sherman, you ate all the food for the wedding.

Sherman the Giraffe:
I know it. The cake was spectacular. I'm still hungry, though. I guess I can eat this hamburger rope chain.

Gerald Bald Z:
There it is -- The transformational covenant of Tuna Mountain, If I give this to Brenda before the marriage, she'll fall in love with my true bald nature, and our love will prevent all future wars.

[Sherman eats the hamburger necklace]

Gerald Bald Z:
[sighs]

Sherman the Giraffe:
Mmm! Now that's the good right there. A little tough, but good, anyhoos.

Gerald Bald Z:
Then I'll move on to my second idea, which involves assassination.

Sherman the Giraffe:
[laughs nervously] This kids is crazy.

Monkey:
Too bad Brenda broke his heart.

Felix the Bear:
His life has not turned out the way it should have, had this show been made in Japan.

Sherman the Giraffe:
Hey, follow your heart, kid. [laughs] This guy.

Young Man:
You don't understand.

Rod the Anime God:
No, I don't.

Young Man:
She loves me.

Gerald Bald Z:
A few announcements before the wedding. One of the hands has a bomb on it.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
[holding the bomb] GODDAMN IT!

Gerald Bald Z:
Stay away from the balloons.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
[standing right next to the balloons] COME ON!

Gerald Bald Z:
Don't stand next to the groom or you might get hit by a bullet.

Inappropriate Comedy Tree:
WHAT"S UP WITH THAT?!

Rod the Anime God:
This show is so confusing.

Young Man:
You don't underst--

[suddenly someone got gunshotted and ending the show immediately, possibly killed Young Man]