Search results for 'love' Page #931

[Abbiejean cries]

Malory Archer:
[to Abbiejean] Oh, shut up.

Sterling Archer, Lana Kane:
[to Malory] Hey!

Lana Kane:
I'm not jealous about the mission. I'm upset because no one knew where you were. And if, huge if, you're gonna be involved, oh my god, in any sort of parental role for Abbiejean...

Sterling Archer:
No, yeah, I- and I, ya know, I want to. But are we married to "Abbiejean", or...?

Malory Archer:
Believe me, I tried.

Lana Kane:
Zip it, Gee-baw!

Malory Archer:
[gasps] No! I will not be called Gee-baw! It's Grandmother Archer or nothing!

Lana Kane:
Then hush.

Lana Kane:
[to Archer] Because we, you and I, are gonna have to establish some ground rules.

Sterling Archer:
Lana, they're just gonna get broken.

Lana Kane:
[weary sigh] I am now going to feed our child. If you'd like to talk while I do so, follow me.

Sterling Archer:
I would! I would love to talk, Lana.

Sterling Archer:
[drinks] Just don't wanna listen.

[drinks again as Lana sighs wearily again and wheels out baby Abbiejean]

[Abbo and Shaz are helping Alan learn his lines. They come to the line where Alan's character kisses Ann's character]

Alan:
[quoting line from play] "I have seen the light of truth in what's happened and the light of love in your fianc?e's eyes - love for me."

Abbo:
Then you stride over to her, take her in your arms and... bleeeeugh!

[Abbo pretends to vomit]

Shaz:
Puke and vomitudinosty!

Abbo:
Spewosity upthrow!

Alan:
[echoing Ann's comment to him earlier] That's stupid, that. Long drivel words that don't mean anything.

[Alan walks off in disgust]

Shaz:
He's getting more like my Auntie Phyllis every day.

Abbo:
It's the strain of learning his lines.

Shaz:
Either that or he's been overdoing it.

[Abbo looks horrified]

Abbo:
Overdoing it can't make you go like you Auntie Phyllis, can it?

[Aboard the helicopter, Aladeen and Nadal are smiling at the American tourists in front of them, as Aladeen points at his sheriff's badge]

General Aladeen:
I love being an Americans! America is number one! Oh, I am from U.S.A.! My father also from U.S.A.! My great-grandfather fought in the American Civil Jihad. I am very proud to be an American. I am America's number one douche.

[Nadal sighs]

General Aladeen:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] I've fooled them. Job done.

Nadal:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] So, how are things back at the Palace?

General Aladeen:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] Fine, but guess who's still living in my guest house?

Nadal:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] Ooh, Bin Laden?

General Aladeen:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] Yes, Osama. Bin Laden flooding the bathroom every time he showers... And how hard is it to put a bath mat down, Bin Laden?

[Tourists look worried]

General Aladeen:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] Hey, do you remember my favorite sports car?

Nadal:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] You mean your Porsche?

General Aladeen:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] Yes... the 911.

Nadal:
911, it's the best!

General Aladeen:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] So I was driving the 911 near the Palace one day... [making hand gestures of driving the car] and I totally crashed!

[Aladeen and Nadal laugh as the tourists get more nervous]

General Aladeen:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] It's okay, I've already ordered a new one. A brand new 911 2012.

[Tourists get even more nervous]

Nadal:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] You know, while you are here, you should try to see some of the sights such as the Empire State Building and Yankee Stadium.

General Aladeen:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] And I'd love to see the fireworks over the Statue of Liberty. [makes exploding sounds before giving Nadal a high-five and looking at the tourists]

Nadal:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] Hey, have your old back problems been bothering you?

General Aladeen:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that I made myself a back brace.

Nadal:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] Really?

General Aladeen:
[Speaking in Wadiyan] Yes, look, I'm still wearing it. [unzips his jacket to reveal a black vest with strings on it] Hey, my English is getting good. I bet I can count down from five faster than you can!

General Aladeen, Nadal:
Five, four, three, two, one!

[the tourists scream. Later, Aladeen and Nadal have their mug shots taken]

[about Ali]

Dr. Lisa Cuddy:
I have sad news for you: She doesn't love you.

Dr. Gregory House:
You're ugly when you're jealous.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy:
She showed up at my house last night, came on to me.

Dr. Gregory House:
She's more perfect than I thought.

[about Annette]

Michael Kelso:
I love her.

Eric Forman:
No you don't.

Michael Kelso:
Well I love parts of her.

[about Bernadette]

Howard Wolowitz:
Her freakishly small hands make anything look big. It's one of the reasons I love her.

[about car satellite navigation systems]

Lee Evans:
They've got those really sexy voices now with them now don't they?

[in exaggerated sultry voice]

Lee Evans:
Turn... left! F***in' right love!

[about Clinton's affair]

Russell T. McCormack:
Arms for oil, no problem. But a little 'oral-ness' and you're headed for impeachment.

Will Hayes:
Maybe he should be impeached.

Kelly:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, you did not just say that!

[Russell, Gareth and Anne make similar exclamations]

April:
You love him!

Will Hayes:
We all did! We thought he was gonna be different then the other jokers, but this guy, he can't even define the word 'is'! What happens if they give him one of the hard words, like 'truth'?

[about corporate job interviews]

Greg Hahn:
They always ask you questions where they try to make you sabotage your own self, have you noticed? "Uh, so tell us, where do you think you could use improvement?" As if you're going to say "well, I am seething with hostility."

[laughter]

Greg Hahn:
"I love to throw STAPLERS!"

[pantomimes throwing a stapler]

Greg Hahn:
"I am no stranger to prison."

[holds up his arms in mock handcuffs, and laughs]

Greg Hahn:
"Hey, does this look like ringworm to you? RINGWORM! It's itchy, it's itchy!"

[hold up his hand and scratches it]

Greg Hahn:
I'm a biter, I love to bite!

[growls like a dog]

Greg Hahn:
"I HATE SOAP!"

[about Eurovison]

Terry Wogan:
The French were furious this year that their singer chose to sing in English.

Stephen Fry:
I know, I love it when that happens!

Terry Wogan:
It used to be the "lingua franca" and it isn't anymore. The world is anglophone.

Ronni Ancona:
Isn't it just disgusting! They give us such a bad time, and they use our language. They should be taxed!

[about Gary Busey]

Jeffrey Ross:
I love you, Gary. You're like Mickey Rourke without the comeback.

[about Harashima]

Mayako Mizukoshi:
He never shares anything with me. What does he laugh like? I've never even heard him laugh.

Konosuke Shimodaira:
Don't worry about that! He's just acting cool in front of his beloved!

Mayako Mizukoshi:
Beloved? He's in love with Kaori, not me.

Konosuke Shimodaira:
You're blunt.

Mayako Mizukoshi:
I'm honest.

[about her friend's shoe phone]

Vanessa Huxtable:
[drunk] I love your phone!

[about his cousin Ray having made a homophobic remark]

Ron White:
I said "We're all gay, buddy. It's just to what degree are you gay." And he goes, "That's bullshit, man. I ain't gay at all." And I go "Yeah, you are. And I can prove it." He goes "Fine. Prove it." I go, "All right. Do you like porn?" He says "Yeah, I love porn. You know that." I said, "Oh, and do you only watch scenes with two women?" And he goes, "No, I'll watch a man and a woman makin' love." And I say "Oh, and do you like the guy to have a flabby, half-flaccid penis?" And he goes "No, I like big, hard, throbbing cock..."

[he trails off]

Ron White:
"I did not know that about myself."

[laughter]

Ron White:
"Do you like chocolate?"

[about his girlfriend wanting to have kids]

Drew Hastings:
I finally had my mind made up for me this year. I was in Atlanta a while back. I'm sitting outside a coffee house, and this... CUTE little four or five year old girl walks by with her mom. And this little girl says to her mother, "Mommy, you know what my three favorite colors are?" The mother looks down at her and says, "No, darling. What are they?" And they just kept walking up the sidewalk. And I thought to myself, "you see, that's my problem. I don't give a f*** what your three favorite colors are."

[laughter]

Drew Hastings:
And I felt horrible! I felt horrible! What's wrong with me? Why aren't I like everybody else? Where's my universal love for children? What if I have kids? I still feel like that about them. And then I talk to married people all the time, and they're like, "No you won't, Drew. You know what? It's different when you have your own."

[murmurs of disagreement]

Drew Hastings:
Yeah! Yeah, what if it's not? "Well, that's very pretty. What did you draw there? You know what, pin it up on the God damn refrigerator yourself."

[laughter]

Drew Hastings:
"Don't touch me! You have something sticky on your hand! Never touch me."

[about his girlfriend]

Drew Hastings:
You know what I love about her? She is smart as a whip. She is. We play Scrabble all the time; I have NEVER beaten her. The only time I used all seven tiles at once is when I tossed them in her face.

[laughter]

Drew Hastings:
"Yeah, what's that spell?" "F*** of. That's right!"

[laughter]

Drew Hastings:
She just turned 30, wants to have a baby. A baby! I just turned 50! I'd end up shaking the baby to death from palsy!

[laughter; Drew pantomimes shakily holding a baby]

[about hunting]

Carlos:
I'd love to go. It sounds like fun.

Holly Levine:
It's not fun for the deer.

Charles Benjamin:
We'll throw 'em a little party before we shoot 'em.

Holly Levine:
[to Carlos] How about celibacy? Does that sound like fun?

[about Justin leaving]

Brian:
You infected him, with your petty, bourgois, mediocre, conformist, assimilationist life! Thanks to you he's got visions - babies, weddings, white picket fences - dancing in his blond little head.

Michael:
And you think *I* put them there?

Brian:
Before you and your husband tied the noose around your necks he was perfectly happy! But now, he's a defector, just like the rest of you!

Michael:
He was never perfectly happy! Waiting for years for you to say "I love you, you're the only one I want."

Brian:
That's *not* who I am!

Michael:
Don't we all know!

[about Love]

Brendan Behan:
I had it both ways... just like Oscar Wilde.

[about making a film called "There's a Rhino loose in the city"]

Del Boy:
It's a love story and a who done it!

Rodney:
Everyone knows who done it! There's 30 dead people with Rhino tramps all over them, there's a lock up with 2 foot pile of Rhino dung and Charlton Heston suspects the butler!

[about Micheal]

Maria:
You should have seen him standing there all brave and noble. It was enough to make you fall in love with him all over again.

Max:
Yeah, well, I have to live with him, that's enough.

[about Nick's first day as a tour guide]

Susan:
In fact, it went so well I... it went so well I... sent Nick off by himself.

Ben:
You sent Nick off by himself. [laughing] Course you did.

Susan:
All right, I lost him.

Ben:
30-Love, ha-ha! I told you... you wouldn't listen - he's unemployable,

Susan:
It's early days. He needs care, love, and tenderness.

Nick:
Hiya mum.

Susan:
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?

Nick:
Hey, don't ask me what type of day I've had. Where's that beer?

Susan:
Okay, okay, so you got lost, fine. But did you have to take my entire tour group with you?

Nick:
Wasn't that the job?

Ben:
Oh you led a little tour on your first day. Your mother will be proud. What was it called, "Pub Crawl of Old London Town" or "Shops You Can't Go into Again"?

Nick:
Actually, it was called, "Dylan Thomas' London".

Ben:
Oh, the pub crawl then.

Susan:
Don't encourage him.

Ben:
I was only asking.

Susan:
I was talking to Nick. [turns and pursues Nick across the room] And what have you done with your umbrella?

Nick:
Oh, it's probably still at the police station.

Susan:
And your badge?

Nick:
I think I left it in casualty.

Susan:
What about your clipboard?

Nick:
A baboon ran off with it.

Susan:
Oh, well, at least you took them to the zoo.

Nick:
Nnnno.

[About Pete]

Melissa:
What does he tell you about me?

Berg:
Everything.

Melissa:
Like what, everything?

Berg:
Like the first time he saw you, he said he actually felt his heart stop.

Melissa:
Really?

Berg:
And you... do a phenomenal Linda Ronstadt imitation.

Melissa:
Aww... Pete.

Berg:
And he hates sushi... but goes with you all the time because he knows you love it.

Melissa:
Why didn't he say anything?

Berg:
And you laugh like a mad scientist during sex.

[about Shenron, the Eternal Dragon]

Dende:
Hey! Don't piss off the god of love!