True Blood, Season 1

True Blood (2008-present) is a dramatic vampire television show, airing on HBO, created by Alan Ball. It is about the inhabitants of a little town and their opinion about vampires, who live in public.

Tara:
"Welcome to Super Save-a-Bunch."

Customer:
"Hi, I'm looking for that thick translucent plastic sheeting. The kind that they hang in front of the doors of walk in refrigerators."

Tara:
"Uh... We don't sell that here. You can try at Home Depot's.

Customer:
"I tried them already, they sent me here."

Tara:
"Aww."

Customer:
"Now I cannot believe you don't have that here. Oh, I don't even know what it's called!"

Tara:
"Sorry."

Customer:
"But you're supposed to have everything!"

Tara:
"Well we don't have that stuff. That you don't even know what it's called."

Customer:
"Your website says that this is the most well stocked store in five parishes! Now, I just drove over an hour from Martha-ville-"

Tara:
"Uh-huh. Does our website have a phone number?"

Customer:
"Well I suppose it does-"

Tara:
"So it never occurred to you before you drove an hour to pick up a phone and call us to see if we stocked whatever the hell it is you're looking for?"

Customer:
"Well I think that if a business chooses to classify it's self as-"

Tara:
"Why didn't you just find it online and have it delivered to your house? Or were you just looking for an excuse to wear them ugly ass clothes."

Customer:
"I would like to speak to your manager!"

Tara:
"Fine! WAILON! Trust me, you are not getting me fired. I am quittin. You were just the f***in catalyst and for that I otta thank you!"

Customer:
"You are a very rude young woman!"

Tara:
"Oh this ain't rude. This is uppity." [slaps Wailon across the face] "That's for pattin my ass to much! Imma get my baby daddy who just got out of prison to come and kick yo teeth in."

Wailon:
"Jesus Tara please don't do anything-"

Tara:
"Oh my god! I'm not serious you pathetic racist! I don't have a baby! Damn! I know y'all have to be stupid but do you have to be that stupid? Shit! F*** this job!"

Bill:
[after Malcolm and his gang have left] I'm sorry you had to witness that. Your visit was unexpected.

Sookie:
What's Hep-D?

Bill:
Hepatitis D is the only blood born pathogen to which we are susceptible. Malcolm must be furious.

Sookie:
Hepatitis?

Bill:
A mutation. Relatively harmless to humans, oddly enough.

Sookie:
I've never even heard of it.

Bill:
That's because we've kept it out of the media.

Sookie:
And it makes you sick for a year?

Bill:
No. It just makes us weak for about a month or so. The biggest danger to us from Hep-D is being captured and staked during that time.

Sookie:
Yeah. You don't want your weaknesses to be public knowledge.

Bill:
Precisely.

Sookie:
And what the hell did you mean, "Sookie is mine"?

Bill:
I was communicating to the others that you are my human and therefore I was the only one who can feed on you.

Sookie:
You most certainly cannot feed on me!

Bill:
Well of course I can't, Sookie. But had they known that, they'd've considered you fair game and I wouldn't have been able to stop them from attacking you. It would be three against one, and Malcolm is much older than I am and quite strong.

Sookie:
And... you and Diane dated?

Bill:
We had sex once, just after she was made vampire back in the late 1930's.

Sookie:
What? Gross. Bill, she's so... they-they're all so mean, so ...

Bill:
Evil. Yes, they are. They share a nest and when vampires live in nests, they become more cruel, more ... vicious. They become laws unto themselves. Whereas vampires such as I, who live alone, are much more likely to hang on to some semblance of our former humanity.

Diane:
[walking in with Malcolm and Liam, to a patron] Well, hey there sugar.

Malcolm:
[to Sam] Get us three True Bloods.

Sam:
You all need to go somewhere else. This is a family place. Locals only.

Malcolm:
Well, we just closed on a place up the road. So that makes us official citizens of Reynard Parrish. We're the new locals.

Sam:
My place, my rules.

Malcolm:
Discrimination against vampires is punishable by law in the greater state of Louisiana. Personally, I don't give a f***. But... I... am... thirsty.

Sam:
You are not welcome here.

Diane:
[laughing] That shit only works in a private home.

Malcolm:
How nice to see you again, Sookie. You are looking delectable as always.

Sam:
[to Sookie] You know them?

Sookie:
We've met.

Malcolm:
Well, well. It looks like little Miss hold out has given up the goods. Brava. Did he leave enough for the rest of us.

Sookie:
I am his!

Malcolm:
Well, he is not here, is he? And while Bill is away, Malcolm will always play.

Sookie:
Do you think for one second I would ever have anything to do with you! I am sure you were trash while you were alive and now you're just dead trash!

Malcolm:
I am going to drain you so slowly, you're going to beg me to kill you.

Terry:
JIHAD THIS, MOTHERFUCKER! [running at Malcolm and being thrown across the room]

Malcolm:
[to Sam] You are a dead man.

Sam:
Maybe. But I'm gonna take one of y'all with me.

Sookie:
Sam!

Liam:
[after grabbing Sam] I'm gonna reach down your throat and yank you inside out by your dick.

Sookie:
Hey, leave him alone!

Bill:
[entering] Stop this! You're here for me, not them.

Malcolm:
Well, we had to get your attention and I do believe it worked.

Bill:
What do you want?

Malcolm:
You never called me back. Now if I remember what feelings were, mine might be hurt.

Diane:
Join our nest, Bill. Forget these blood sacks.

Liam:
Yeah. Mainstreaming's for pussies.

Diane:
Let's party like we used to, huh. We used to have so much fun.

Bill:
[never taking his eyes of Sookie] All right. Let go.

Sookie:
What the hell are you doing?

Bill:
I should be with my own.

Sookie:
But you're not like them. You're better than they'll ever be.

Bill:
I am not human, Sookie. I am vampire.

Amy:
Hey you. Listen, are you alright?

Sookie:
Sometimes I wish I smoked, so you could sneak outside without anybody knowing something's wrong with you.

Amy:
Okay. I'm really sorry about your cat.

Sookie:
Maybe I shouldn't have come in today.

Amy:
Yeah, I was gonna say why did you?

Sookie:
I don't know. Maybe cause lately it seems like if I called in sick every time someone I love got murdered, I'd never make it in for a single day of work.

Amy:
Don't you think Sam would understand?

Sookie:
I guess. But if I went home, what would you do?

Amy:
Me? What's it got to do with me?

Sookie:
Arlene doing nothin' but showin' off her ring to anybody who will look at it, you be the only one waiting tables.

Amy:
Yeah, she's gonna be a handful, that one.

Sookie:
Don't you imagine what she was like the first time she got married?... What about you? You ever been married?

Amy:
Is this the part where the sister asks what the girls intentions are with her brother?

Sookie:
Hm-mm. Cause right now I am all about protecting Jason.

Amy:
He misses you, Sookie. He does. Between your grandma passing and what happened afterwords with you.

Sookie:
He told you about that?

Amy:
He couldn't not. He's a mess about it.

Sookie:
Well you wouldn't know it.

Amy:
Look, I know what you must think of him and I get why you're mad at him. I do and he loves you. You got people around who love you and all I can hope is that maybe one day I can be counted in among those people.

Sookie:
You are way too good for him. You know that, right?

Amy:
Of course, I know that. I'm not stupid.

Bill:
Longshadow was choking the girl and would have killed her.

Magister:
So you murdered a higher life form for the sake of your pet? You broke an ancient and fundamental law. You decreased our numbers at a critical time in our history. Very bad. Very very bad.

Bill:
Longshadow broke the law first. She was mine and he knew it. He would have killed her and fed from her!

Magister:
Hello! Human! Irrelevant. Happens every day!

Bill:
He was stealing from Eric.

Magister:
[to Eric] Sheriff?

Eric:
Yes, Magister. It's true. Longshadow was a thief and a liar. He was hurting my business.

Magister:
The business part. That is a serious offense.

Bill:
And it was the human who exposed Longshadow. Would you tell him, Eric?

Eric:
The only reason the girl was there was because I called her.

Bill:
To protect your wealth!

Eric:
To protect my wealth, yes. Magister, she is... valuable.

Magister:
Humans exist to serve us. That is their only value.

Bill:
There are those among us who think differently.

Magister:
Do you question my authority? I am the magister. I was trained in the Inquisition and I am the adjudicator for every vampire territory in North America! As the humans say - the humans that you love more than your own kind - back your shit down!

Eric:
Bill.

Magister:
You haven't bored me. That works in your favor and you seem to be obedient to your sheriff.

Eric:
For the most part... When it matters, yes he is.

Magister:
The usual sentence is five years in a coffin, chained with silver. During which time your body will waste to leather and sticks, and you'll probably go insane. However, I'm feeling a bit... creative.


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