Wikidude's Quotes Page #222

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Lisa:
You know, Christine, I was thinking...

Christine:
That's odd.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 5 (1984)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Lisa:
Christine, say you're hobby is swimming. Well, what kind of substance would you be moving through?

Christine:
Oh no you don't!

[Christine gets hit with water anyway.]

Christine:
Oh, come on! That's not fair! I didn't even say that substance at all!

Lisa:
Yes, you did, Moosie. You see, we have a new stagehand, and he's French, and "eau" is the French word for wa--

[Lisa gets hit with water.]

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 5 (1984)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Ross:
Hey, Christine, we've been talking an awful lot about hobbies. You collect anything?

Christine:
Oh, yeah, sure, Ross. I collect stamps. Say, do you want to see my stamp collection?

Ross:
See your stamp collection? Sure.

[Christine stamps on Ross' foot.]

Christine:
That's the stamp that Lisa gave me when I told her she had a really big mouth. [She stamps on Ross' foot again.] And that's the stamp Vanessa gave me when I told her there would be no extreme close-ups of her on this week's show...

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 5 (1984)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Christine:
Since this show is about hobbies, I thought this would be a good time to mention that a lot of kids, whose hobby happens to be cooking, have written in asking for the recipe for green slime. For some strange reason. Well, there's sort of a problem because I don't know the recipe for green slime--

[Christine gets slimed.]

Christine:
You know, they're getting sneakier and I'm getting dumber all the time.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 5 (1984)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

[Mr. Prevert is watching Alasdair and Ben playing Atari Pac-Man]

Mr. Prevert:
Oh! Video games, video games! That's all you kids do nowadays. Sitting in front of that stupid screen!

Ben:
It's not true Dad. Sometimes we go to the arcade.

Mr. Prevert:
You know what your trouble is?

Alasdair:
Our trouble is you can't break 100,000.

Mr. Prevert:
Oh no. Your trouble is you've got no ambition.

Ben:
You have no idea what it's like being a kid today!

Alasdair:
Yeah, I mean the pressures are enormous.

Ben:
In your day, it was easy. You had a choice of being a doctor, lawyer.

Alasdair:
Yeah, now there's space exploration, computer science, hi-tech.

Ben:
Recreology, oceanography.

Mr. Prevert:
Yeah well, you know I never really did think of it in exactly that way. I guess it is scary.

Alasdair:
Oh it sure is.

Mr. Prevert:
Well I mean there's so many choices, there's so many new fields opening up.

Alasdair:
Yeah.

Mr. Prevert:
By the way, are you two guys got any idea in what direction in what you're leaning profession wise?

Ben:
I think I'd like to be a doctor.

Alasdair:
I think I've decided to be a lawyer.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 5 (1984)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Announcer:
"Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer Joins The A-Team" will not be shown at this time. In its place, we present another Christmas turkey.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 5 (1984)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

[Ross has complained about how consumerism is ruining Christmas.]

Christine:
Yeah, you know, I know what you mean. I was in this one store and there was a sign: "10 Santas, No Waiting."

Alasdair:
I know what you mean, Christine. I was in this store and there was an express Santa for kids that wanted less than five presents.

Ross:
Oh yeah? Was he busy?

Alasdair:
No. Who wants less than five presents?

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 5 (1984)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

[Doug is looking around the living room for something. He can't find it and leaves in frustration.]

Valerie:
It's driving Dougie crazy. He can't find his Christmas presents anywhere.

Lance:
Where did you hide them?

Valerie:
Oh, I found a place he hasn't looked in years. Under his bed.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 5 (1984)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Alasdair:
Okay, it has 11 letters, it begins with S, and when--

Mr. Schidtler:
Wait a minute, Alasdair. What are you doing?

Alasdair:
I'm giving my report, sir.

Mr. Schidtler:
Your assignment was to give me a review of A Christmas Carol.

Alasdair:
Well, that's right, and "Silent Night"'s my favorite Christmas carol.

Mr. Schidtler:
Not a Christmas carol, A Christmas Carol! By Charles Dickens!

Alasdair:
I've never heard of him, sir, but maybe if you sung a couple of lines, it might come back to me.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 5 (1984)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

[Lance is angrily trying to assemble something.]

Lance:
Every Christmas Eve, it's the same thing, I can't put these things together!

Valerie:
I know, dear.

Lance:
I'm a senator, I'm not an engineer.

Valerie:
Well, let me see that, Lance. [Lance hands over the instruction sheet.] Well, maybe you're having trouble, dear, because you're using the Japanese instructions.

Lance:
Let me see that! [He grabs the sheet back.] I know.

Valerie:
Of course you did.

Lance:
I just happen to like a challenge, okay?

Valerie:
You bet.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 5 (1984)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Announcer:
"Rambo Shoots The Ayatollah" will not be seen at this time so that we can get our revenge on you by showing this special program.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 6 (1985)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Lisa:
Christine, I could wring your stupid neck.

Alasdair:
What are you girls fighting about, anyway?

Lisa:
You'll never guess what she did at lunch yesterday.

Alasdair:
She took her milk [pours a milk carton down Alasdair's shirt] and poured it down my shirt like this.

Christine:
Oh, big deal! You know what she did? She took her Jell-O and [takes a handful of Jell-O and stuffs it in Alasdair's shirt pocket] first she put in my pocket [squishes the pocket] like that, and then she took some more and [takes another handful and smooshes it on Alasdair's shirt] smooshed in on my shirt like that, and then she smooshed it [takes a thid handful and smooshes it on Alasdair's shirt collar] on my neck!

Lisa:
Well, I was just trying to get even! [grabs a bottle of ketchup] Then you took your ketchup [squirts it on Alasdair's shirt] and squirted it all over me like this!

Christine:
Lisa... THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON [tears a sleeve off Alasdair's shirt] TO RIP THE SLEEVE OFF MY SHIRT!

Alasdair:
Now, girls, this is pointless. You have been friends much, much too long to fight. Now, truce?

[He grabs the girls' hands and moves them together.]

Alasdair:
Come on, now make up. Truce? There.

Lisa:
Sorry.

Christine:
I'm sorry, too. It was my fault.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 6 (1985)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

[The classroom. Justin is passing a note to Lisa.]

Mr. Schidtler:
Justin! Lisa! [he grabs the note] Passing little notes again. How many times have I warned you? Well, I'm gonna fix you two. I'm gonna read this little love note to the entire class.

[Everyone else in the class cheers as Schidtler opens the note.]

Mr. Schidtler:
"Class dismissed."

[The students cheer as they run out of the classroom and Schidtler protests against it.]

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 6 (1985)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

[Opposite sketch. Nasti the dungeonkeeper is chained in the dungeon.]

Nasti:
Okay, Alasdair, I guess you finally got your revenge.

Alasdair:
Not exactly. Maestro, if you please?

[There is a brief piano scale, then...]

Alasdair:
[singing loudly and off-key] ONE MILLION BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, A MILLION BOTTLES OF BEER...

Nasti:
[as Alasdair continues to sing] What? 999,000? No, don't! Please! I can't stand it! It'll take forever! [moans]

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 6 (1985)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Justin:
Oh, sandwich again? Boring. What have you got?

Alasdair:
I got year old bread with green meat, sour milk, and frankfurter bits in green Jell-o.

Justin:
Oh, gross!

Alasdair:
Justin, never tell your mother she looks good in wrinkles.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 6 (1985)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

[Justin is sitting on the front porch while loud music can be heard from inside. Alasdair enters.]

Alasdair:
Hey, what's up, Justin?

Justin:
My stupid sister and her stupid friends are having a stupid slumber party. They've taken over the whole house, I can't even get into my own room.

Alasdair:
It's pretty bad. I say you take revenge out on them, like putting itching powder in their sleeping bags.

Justin:
I would never do something as juvenile and mature as that.

[Suddenly, we hear screaming and the girls run out of the house.]

Justin:
[laughing] Besides, frogs work much better!

[Alasdair pulls a small frog out of his pocket and throws it at them.]

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 6 (1985)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Lisa:
I can't believe Majorie! She copied all her answers off me!

Christine:
No!

Lisa:
Yes. But I got even with her. I wrote all the wrong answers down.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 6 (1985)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

[The bedroom. Christine lifts her bed sheets and screams, waking up Lisa.]

Christine:
Yesterday, I put a frog in Alasdair's bed.

Lisa:
So?

Christine:
This morning he put a toad in mine and I put a lizard in his.

Lisa:
So?

Christine:
So take a look at what he did to get even!

[She lifts it partially, and we hear growling. Lisa hides behind her covers.]

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 6 (1985)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

[In an Opposite sketch, everyone but Lisa has been replaced by an animal.]

Lisa:
Just a second! Now how come everyone else is an animal except me?

Alasdair:
Well, Lisa, the production department could have made a mistake because you already look kind of like an animal with those hippo hips of yours.

Lisa:
Hippo hips? Alasdair, that just wasn't very nice.

Alasdair:
Lisa, remember, this is the opposites. I'm not supposed to be nice, chipmunk cheeks.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 6 (1985)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Christine:
Oh, Lisa?

Lisa:
Yes, Moosie?

Christine:
How did you learn to act? Did you take acting lessons, or did you just kind of watch other actors?

Lisa:
I guess I learned by watching other actors.

Christine:
That's what I thought. You know what they say, "Monkey see, monkey do."

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 6 (1985)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

[Adam enters the living room with a tire over his shoulder]

Valerie:
Oh, Adam, how did the part-time job at the parking garage go today, dear?

Adam:
It's not fair! You'd think they'd have promoted me!

Valerie:
Oh, what happened, Adam?

Adam:
Well, you see, I was driving this customer's Porsche into the garage to see how fast it would go. Only problem was, it ended up parked on top of another car. You think they'd realized I just showed them how to fit twice as many cars into the garage! But no, no... first they yell at me, then they fired me.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 7 (1986)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

[Adam enters the living room]

Valerie:
Adam, how did the job at the fast food place go today, dear?

Adam:
It's not fair! You'd think they'd have promoted me!

Valerie:
Oh, no, what happened, dear?

Adam:
Well, you see, they kept yelling at me to serve the food faster, and I did. I served the food faster than anybody else did. Only trouble was it didn't get cooked first.

Valerie:
Oh, dear.

Adam:
You think they'd realize the money they could save by serving the hamburgers raw. But no, no... first they yell at me, then they fire me.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 7 (1986)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

[Alasdair is at the firing squad.]

El Capitan:
Ready... aim... [Alasdair sticks a card on El Capitan's back] Wait, wait. [To Alasdair] What'd you do? You put a sign on my back. Childish trick, you stuck a sign that probably says "Kick Me"?

Alasdair:
No.

El Capitan:
Alright, we'll find out. Amigos, [walks in front of Alasdair] the sign on my back, what does it say?

[He turns around, revealing the card reads "FIRE".]

Amigos:
"Fire"! [El Capitan gets shot.]

Alasdair:
Shot in the back by his own firing squad.

You Can't Do That on Television, Season 7 (1986)  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

(after disembarking from the Bio-Ship)

Superboy:
Knew I didn't need a line.

Robin:
And yet, creating a seismic event may not have helped us much with the 'covert'.

Young Justice, Season 1  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

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