Wikidude's Quotes Page #227

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude  —  There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Mayor's nephew:
Fill out your menu card and hand it to the nearest veteran.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 1  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Tom Peters:
To The People Of The Future...Shoot.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Joy:
GET MY BOYS TO BASS FEST ..... NOWWWWWWWWWW!!! (room shakes from her thunderous voice)

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Tom:
Uh, first off, it's Tom Peters here, and I'm.. I'm sorry did you say you had access to my medical records?

Mayor:
Of course he does Tom, Michael is a medical doctor. He's also the official rep for Provo-C.

Tom:
Uh, I'm just not sure what, you know, what that is.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Joy:
Well that's not going to happen.

Doctor:
And the other alternative is to perform emergency testicular surgery which would be quite intentsive and painful. I'm talking balls painful.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Mayor:
Tom, it's me. Where the heck are you?

Tom:
Uhhh I'm at home, I..I got grounded.

Mayor:
Ooo that sucks. I wish you could have seen The Saxman he was great.

Tom:
Oh

Mayor:
Yeah

Tom:
He made it

'Mayor:
haha

Tom:
I didn't know if he was going to make it.

Mayor:
He sold about...eight or nine cd's. I mean he made a huge profit out of the show.

Tom:
Oh..well we're not really working together anymore. Joy doesn't really want me, you know, hanging around with him, so.

Mayor:
Well that's a bummer. How long are going to be grounded for?

Tom:
Uh..uh probably a couple of weeks.

Mayor:
Ehh

Tom:
Hows the..hows the grand opening. Everything.

Mayor:
Yeah it was great Gimball Twins are playing now.

Tom:
Oh, uhh no I wish I could see them. I love the Gimball Twins.

Mayor:
Yeah they're hilarious.

Tom:
So umm. Well I should probably get off the phone.

'Mayor:
Can you use the internet?

Tom:
No, not really,br> 'Mayor: Mmm, alright well.

Tom:
I'll talk to you later.

Mayor:
Ok you can call later.

Tom:
bye.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Saxman:
Half off.

Tom:
Right. Maybe you-

Saxman:
Half off..

Tom:
can do a C sharp

Saxman:
See, you're a half step off on the half off. (laughs)

Tom:
Just trying to-

Saxman:
Half off.

Tom:
Yeah you're probably right. Uh, let me just make a note of that here. Ah, shoot I'm working on the bass cleft here. You know what Saxman? Let's take five. Um, there's actually something I wanted to get off my chest since this morning. Did you and your friends happen come in the house and have some kind of jazz jam last night?

Saxman:
What in how? No I slept like a baby right out there in my pup tent.

Tom:
Uh, that's weird. Just, uh, it's nothing.. There's just..there's some piles of BM in my bedroom and just uhh, something I don't know. You know what? Forget it. Let's take it from the top. 2,3,4. If we don't ask for your customer code...

Saxman:
Cut cuuuut. It's not working man. It's just not working.

Tom:
Aww, we'll get there, come on. You know we just need to rhyme some of these words. I haven't (sighs) Let's see what rhymes with consumer price rebate.

Saxman:
No no. It's not that your rhyming like diamond. It's just that, my lips are all chapped. I need to wet 'em up. Darn!

Tom:
What is it?

Saxman:
Well the best way is to kiss something for a while, you know. Just to moisten up my lips.

Tom:
Ooh..kay..?

Saxman:
Oh Tom, I wouldn't ask you if I knew another way, but you know we're burning studio time here.

Tom:
Oh I see your sayin'. You wanna ..wanna kiss me?

Saxman:
Well it's not so much that I want to but it's my chops, you know they need to touch another man's lips to bring them back to life.

Tom:
Oh, alright. I guess a kiss on the mouth between friends can't hurt. (Tom and Saxman ease in slowly for a kiss)

(As soon as their lips touch, Joy and her children burst through the front door, witnessing the event)

Joy:
Ahhhh!!

Tom:
Joy! You're back!

(Brindon takes several photos)

Brindon:
My step dad, and some man in our kitchen.

(He places the photos in "Brindon's Memory Book")

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

(Gasps)

Saxman:
Hey

Tom:
Oh geez Saxman, you scared me. Oh man what um why aren't you outside in your pup tent?

Saxman:
Oh it's so cold out there brother. It's frosty.

Tom:
Wait a minute Saxman, what's that on your legs there?

Saxman:
I found these tiny pants in this totally fun room.

Tom:
Those are Brendin's Saxman. My son's that's my step-son's room your fiddling around in.

Saxman:
Whoa whoa man, dude. Chill out, where's the anger coming from?

Tom:
I'm sa..

Saxman:
Is this the way you treat a partner?

Tom:
Just really stressed out, got our concert tomorrow and and you know. I'm not exactly getting the luck of the draw with these lyrics here.

Saxman:
I have just the thing to calm you down my brother. (He pushes Tom down into the bed with his foot) Yeah get all snuggled down there. Tom: Saxman.. h-hold on a second-

Saxman:
Shhhhh. Let my sax notes massage your soul brother. (he plays his Soprano Sax in Tom's face, a colorful sleeping gas billows out) Sleep baby.. sleep.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Tom:
Well thanks. Thank you very much.

'Mayor:
But the shows over.

Tom:
What!

Mayor:
Well I've been thinking about this and it's just really doesn't make sense for your saxman to play at Lou's grand opening. I mean we'd actually like someone to sing about Lou's waterbeds and promotional offers. Your guy's mouth will be tied up due to tooting on his horn.

Tom:
Huh Well I mean ahh. Let me just throw this out at ya. I mean I could if I get some brochures together, educate myself on waterbeds maybe I could write some lyrics for saxman and uh you know I could sing 'em.

Mayor:
Mmmmmm mmm mmm mmm. You know I love the sound of your singing voice Tom.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Saxman:
Ahh cut. Cuuuut!

Tom:
Wha..what's wrong now Saxman?

Saxman:
Well I'm just used to playing with my shirt off you know. The shirt is just confining, I just have such wind when I when I blow that I need to. Can I. Bust out.

Tom:
Yeah I guess. Let's get some shirtless takes haha. Let's roll again.

Saxman:
Roll again.

Tom:
Back to one.

Saxman:
Ok....Cut cut cut cut.

Tom:
Ahhh what is it now Saxman?

Saxman:
I just feel uncomfortable.

Tom:
Why?

Saxman:
Well I think it's that I'm the only one with my shirt off now and that puts me totally out of balance with the flow and vibe of the mood and I'm trying to bring it, you see and it's not being brought.

Tom:
Ahhh.

Saxman:
Would you take your shirt off to. Just to keep me company.

Tom:
Uhh ok. (Tom removes his shirt)

Saxman:
Great. (An awkward pause ensues) (Tom covers up his exposed chest)

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Lou:
Hahaha Oh baby I knew you were a waterbed man.

Mayor:
I certainly am.

(Both laugh)

Tom:
Oh I'm sorry, should've knocked.

Mayor:
No it's fine Lou is just installing my new waterbed here.

Tom:
Alright well, I'll just come on back here tomorrow.

Lou:
Alright get your ass over here and take this bitch for a test drive.

Tom:
Oops

Lou:
Easy there. Ok. One two.

Tom:
That's good thank you.

Mayor:
It's just like an amusement park ride Tom.

Tom:
Umm getting a little seasick here.

Lou:
Hahah

Mayor:
Ah that was fun. Thanks for stopping by.

Tom:
Um I'm sorry. I actually have a problem I'd like to discuss.

Mayor:
Great I love problems

Tom:
Well um I'm managing a musican here and um he's actually being forced to evacuate because of Lou's Waterbed Galleria.

Mayor:
(Sings) I'd like to hear that CD-R. (Spoken) Mmmm Tom you've got something special here.

Tom:
He actually plays the windchism himself on that track.

Mayor:
Oh boy. Listen to that melody.

Lou:
Wow this is really awful guys.

Mayor:
Lou you gotta be kidding me here. Uh this music is just beautiful. He's just gotta play at your waterbed grand opening.

Tom:
Oh ah ok. It's not really what I had in mind but uh yeah I'm sure we'd be interested in playing live. Uh as long as Lou doesn't have problem with it.

Lou:
Lou come on now tot da tot the saxophone. Honka honka the saxophone. Tip-aty tip-aty top saxophone a go honka honka I don't like it.

Mayor:
I'm sorry Tom I just don't think Lou can visualize the power of the saxman with just a CD-R.

Tom:
Hmm let me think, alright well this is just a brainstorm.

Mayor:
Ok

Tom:
But ahh what if I directed a video of the saxman that way we could show.

Mayor:
Mmmmmmm Mm Mmm (Whispers) I love it.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Saxman:
Well alright.

Tom:
Uh Tom Peters here, umm I live around the area. Here bro umm I just want to tell you, your music's wonderful.

Saxman:
Well thank you brother I think you're wonderful haha.

Tom:
Hahaha

Saxman:
Great man

Tom:
Cool (Thinking In Head: I'd give my left thumb to be this guy's manager). Ah man you must be making a killing out here with these great tunes right bro?

Saxman:
I'm a little bit done on my luck. To tell you the truth I..you know they kicked me out of house and home because of this damn waterbed galleria.

Tom:
Uh what do you mean, you live here on the boardwalk?

Saxman:
Yeah bro it's a real bummer.

Tom:
Uh that doesn't sound fair.

Saxman:
A waterbed doesn't anybody who wants a waterbed have one already, that's my take on it. Haha ahh damn.

Tom:
Ahh well tell you what Saxman, I may have a quick fix uhh my wife is out of town right now visiting her ex-husband, eh shoots she really doesn't like me having men stay over.

Saxman:
Oh boy

Tom':
Well uh I can set you up in my son's pup tent you know, for a while umm you know what? I can go ahead and talk to the mayor about getting a relocation plan together I guess.

Saxman:
Ah that is so sweet man that is so good of you.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Coach Harris:
Damn it Brendon, what the hell is wrong with you? Have you ever thought about going home and prancing around in your mama's Sunday dress, or wearing her panties, or putting on one of those cotton ponies? You're a sissy bitch, Brendon. Just like your father.

Tom:
Excuse me, coach?

Coach Harris:
I've seen your father, I've seen stains in his pants that he can't explain. There's something I like about you, but it isn't being a girl in a boy's body, it's being a WRESTLER!!

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Mayor:
It's mayyyyor's niiiight, rim dim dim dim do

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 1  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Mayor:
we will be holding your wife and step children, in a family holding cell until your wife and basterds are legitament.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 1  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Mayor:
thank you Tom, I'm seeing that you have step-children, living in your shanTY, your family status has been upgraded to ILLEGAL.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 1  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Mayor:
ok, i can't find that number you entered, please make sure the number is correct and try again. or simpley speak your name, now.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 1  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Mayor:
Hi I'm the Mayor, Welcome to the department of families lets get you started, please enter your 23 digit family code, followed by the 11 digit confirmation pin.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 1  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Sandalman:
Shamus is deaf I'm afraid. Deaf as a door nail!

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 1  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Tom:
oh brother, my goodness, actually it's been pretty good you know? Joy and the boys have been on vacation, just really freed me up, to work on some of my writing, and it gets a little lonely sure, but you know life thats life.

Tom:
Oh I'm sorry I thought you been finished by now

Tom:
Sfew, wow

Tom:
Awm its Tom Peters

Tom:
Oh fair enough aw, actually before I get started aw this probably a stupid question but is that island theme park in Jefferton?

Tom:
Awh hu Tom: Ok we can kinda do pony rides

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 1  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Titus:
A reckless accusation can ruin a person's life, any person's like my high school rival, Mario Copono from Fremont, California. His life would suck if somebody went on national television and just said out loud that he prances around in women's underwear. Man, I hope that never happens to...Mario Copono of Fremont, California.

Titus, Season 3  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Titus:
Mental illness is a chemical imbalance that can make you hallucinate, hear voices, be insanely happy, or horribly depressed. It's actually the same symptoms of being in love. [Picks up Erin's picture] And you can never know how love is gonna go, and you're never gonna know when love ends. [Places it face down on the ledge] But you need to know that love is never over, ever, because there are 3.5 billion men in the world and 3.5 billion women. [Takes off his shirt and puts on a sombrero] And if you're bisexual, you have no excuse to not be happy. [Goes to shut off the light as usual, but holds back] You know, that she's weapons-trained... why is that so sexy?

[He leaves through the door, letting it shut behind him.]

Titus, Season 3  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Titus:
Erin's the kind of woman who can rip your head off and make you feel like a bad boy. God, that's sexy. (shrugs) I'm damaged.

Titus, Season 3  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Mayor:
My sweet chip chips.

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Season 1  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

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