Wikidude's Quotes Page #294

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude — There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

TV Set: And don't forget to unplug your set. Vyvyan: Why? TV Set: 'Cause it'll blow up you silly boy. – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[Neil, Vyvyan and Rick are digging in the basement for oil. Unlike Rick and Neil who are using pickaxes, Vyvyan is using his head whilst wearing a helmet.] Neil: Oh, sorry, Vyv. [Vyvyan slowly stands up only to have the pickaxe right through his head.] Vyvyan: [calmly] That's ok, Neil. It was bound to happen... sooner or later [faints]. – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Vyvyan: [to audience] By the way, it was a complete lie about the oil. – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Mike: Let's do something, we're bored stupid! Vyvyan: Ha! Ha! Rick didn't have far to go, did he? Rick: I just knew you were gonna say that! Vyvyan: That's a complete lie, you poof! Rick: I knew you were gonna say that too! [Vyvyan smashes Rick over the head with a bottle.] Vyvyan: You didn't know I was gonna do that, did you?! Rick: (awkwardly) Alright, Vyvyan, no I didn't know that. [Vyvyan laughs.] – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Mike: Vyvyan, have you ever heard of cloning? Vyvyan: (pause) No. Mike: Oh, good. Would you swear to that? Vyvyan: Certainly. If that's what you want. Big jobs! – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Mike: I'm waiting for that phone to start ringing and the world to start bidding any second now. Neil: Well, they better hurry up... coz Vyvyan's escaped... [Right on cue, Vyvyan crashes through the kitchen wall on a wrecking ball trying to set off the bomb. He then enters the kitchen a moment later.] Vyvyan: Missed! – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[When Rick is asking who ate his apple.] Vyvyan: What were you doing, saving it for teacher? Trying to keep the doctor away?! Rick: If he's anything like you, YES! Did you take it, Mike? Mike: Well, if you're gonna sin you might as well be original. Rick: What's that supposed to mean? Mike: I don't know. – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[When Vyvyan visits Narnia and sees the White Witch and the driver, Shirley.] Witch: Come, sit next to me, child. [Vyvyan sits on the sled.] Have some Turkish Delight. Eurgh! Who's farted? Vyvyan: It's not me! Shirley: That's revolting! That's revolting! People like you should be put in little boxes tied up with string, and left in small dark rooms with out any electricity! Vyvyan: Who says? Shirley: For a month! Vyvyan: Who says?! Shirley: [weakly] She does. Witch: I did not! That's a lie, Shirley! Vyvyan: 'Shirley'? Is that your name, then? 'Shirley'? Shirley: It's better than 'Vyvyan' by a longshot! Vyvyan: Oh, yeah? 'Shirley'! Witch: Oh, would you two shut up! Would you like some Turkish Delight, my child? Vyvyan: Not particularly. You got any kebabs? – The Young Ones, Series 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Neil: Oh, what's the time? Mike: Vyv, here's your chance. [Shows him his watch.] See the big hand there? Vyvyan: Yeah. Mike: That's on the two, right. Vyvyan: Yep. Mike: And the little hand is on that one there just before the twelve, now what's that one? Vyvyan: Eleven? Mike: Perfectly excellent. So what's the time? Vyvyan: Er... half past five! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Vyvyan: QUICK! GET THE STIRRUPS! I'M GONNA HAVE MY BABY NOW! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Vyvyan: [clutching his stomach] OH! OH NO! The contractions are starting! I'm gonna have a baby! Neil: Quick, quick, Mike, Mike! Get some boiling towels... er, Rick, clean water. Vyvyan, Vyvyan, sit down, take the weight off your feet. Rick: What d'you mean "sit down"?! There aren't any chairs! Mike: Yeah, and all the towels have been burnt. Neil: Oh, no! We've got to buy some furniture for Vyvyan, quickly! Rick: We can't! We haven't got any money! Vyvyan's baby will be a pauper! Oliver Twist! Geoffrey Dickens! Back to Victorian values! [to camera] I hope you're satisfied, Thatcher! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[Rick is warming himself by the broken fridge while Vyvyan is lying on a bed.] Rick: I was wondering if you'd thought of a name for your baby yet? Vyvyan: Shut Up or Piss Off! Rick: Oh, that's charming, isn't it? Vyvyan: No, no, those are the two names I'm considering. I mean, they'll be really handy in later life for getting into fights and things. Oh! Oh, it's kicking. [His stomach moves rapidly up and down. Rick looks fascinated.] Rick: Er, Vyvyan. Would it be alright... I mean... can I have a bit... a bit of a listen? Vyvyan: Yeah, help yourself. You can hear it kicking. Rick: [Placing his ear on Vyvyan's bare stomach] I can't hear anything... all I can hear is... OW! [Vyvyan's stomach twitches violently, knocking Rick upwards.] Vyvyan: [Patting his stomach] That's my boy! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Neil: Oh, have we got a video! Vyvyan: If anyone else asks me that question I'm gonna stick their head through the window! Neil: Vyv? Have we got a video? Vyvyan: Right... come this way, Neil. [He walks over to the window and literally pulls it off the wall. He then walks over to Neil.] Vyvyan: Sideways on. [Neil turns sideways.] Thank you. [He smashes the window over Neil's head. But Neil merely looks confused.] Neil: I still don't understand. I still don't understand. Does that mean we've got one or not? – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Vyvyan: It's a video nasty! Rick: It's a carpet, farty! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Vyvyan, Rick, Neil, Mike: (singing) # All the little flowers are singing. All the little birdies are too, tweet tweet! Everything in the garden is happy and we hope you are too. If you're happy we're happy, ha ha! If you're sad we're sad, boo hoo! But now it's time to end this song coz it's so (bleep) bad! # Rick: Goodnight, children. Mike: Goodnight. Neil: Hello... er... goodnight. Vyvyan: Pass the detonator. – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Neil: What d'you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Cliff: (singing) # Got a roving eye and that is why she satisfies my soul. # Mike, Vyvyan, Rick, Neil: (singing) # fies my soul! # Vyvyan: "Fies my soul"? Rick: Yes, "fies my soul". It's raunchy, Vyvyan. – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Vyvyan: Hey, Cliff! I've just invented a great new sound. [Strange clicking noises are heard.] Neil: Ow! Mike: Untie Neil's legs, Vyvyvan. Cliff: Settle down, chaps. – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Vyvyan: Neil, d'you wanna hear a great new joke? Neil: Oh, yeah. Ok. Vyvyan: Rick, I'd get out of the way if you don't wanna get seriously hurt. Right, what d'you say to a stupid hippie who's standing on a pile of dynamite? Neil: I dunno, what do you say to a stupid hippie who's standing on a pile of dynamite? Vyvyan: Get this, buster! [He steps on a detonator and there's an explosion which appears to go horribly wrong as Vyvyan gasps in pain while holding his crotch.] Neil: Oh, yeah. I get it. "Get this, buster!" Yeah, brilliant! Rick: Is everyone happy? Vyvyan's whiffed out the theatre, blown his goolies off and you've stopped Cliff coming! Can we please just do the song?! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
[While recording the flipside of the Living Doll record.] Rick: Good morning, everybody. Let's make rock 'n' roll history. Vyvyan: Oh, no. He's found us. Rick: Hey, great gag telling me the recording studio was in Wales! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Neil: Oh, no. Guys, guys. I thought pop music was supposed to be about like... loving each other. Mike: No, Neil, no, that's sex. Pop music's about making money. – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Mike: Are we gonna sing this song or not? Vyvyan: Yes, we are! But first... let's have a fight! – The Young Ones, Series 2 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Davis: What do you do? Sully: What do you mean "what do I do"? Davis: To, like uh kick back, have like uh, sully fun, what do you do? I sort of picture you sitting at home in your boxer shorts watching old movies on black and white TV. Sully: This is what you do, conjure up images of me in my underwear? Davis: I'm not saying its pretty. Sully: You are way off, you know. Davis: About what? Sully: I got a color television. – Third Watch, Season 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago
Sully: If you give everyone a beating who deserves it your arms are gonna be mighty tired by the end of the night. – Third Watch, Season 1 Show Quote	added 7 months ago

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