Wikidude's Quotes Page #298

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude  —  There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Kent:
The First Lady isn't in a good place.

Selina:
Oh. Hospital.

Kent:
Mentally. POTUS has decided that he wants to devote more time to looking after her.

Selina:
Yikes!

Kent:
At any rate... he's gonna resign.

Selina:
Uh-uh. [beat] What?

Kent:
Ma'am, you're about to become the 45th President of the United States. It's not a dress-rehersal, not a drill. You are going to be the president.

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Dan:
[to a reporter] You're asking a rhetorical question, and the answer's obviously No.

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Mike:
[trying to unlock a cellphone] It's password protected. Hang on. 0-0-0-1... 0-0-0-2... 0-0-0-3...

Selina:
You cannot be serious.

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Selina:
[regarding Quincy Carter] Oh my God, I cannot stand that affected butt-plug. If I could lift the fuckin' crate I'd beat him to death with it.

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Mike:
[regarding Selina's new campaign "platform"] She thinks it looks folksy, but she really looks like Dustin Hoffman on a crate.

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Amy:
Uh, ma'am? Quincy Carter, the editor of the New Hampshire Globe, is here to speak with you.

Selina:
Oh God, that Dickensian shit-stick?

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Doyle:
Now Maddox's daughter's gonna give him the bad news!

Furlong:
"Daddy, you fucking blew it!"

Doyle:
"Daddy, I've never been less proud of you!"

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Doyle:
I think I've endorsed a Nazi!

Furlong:
It'd explain the Hitler haircut!

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

[Selina's eye continues to twitch visibly on camera]

Amy:
Jesus, that is a wicked twitch!

Doyle:
I can't watch this.

Furlong:
Neither can she 'cause her fucking eyes don't work!

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Ben:
I hate confessions, unless they've been beaten out of someone.

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Chung:
Today, we're here to talk about records. And my record clearly shows that, unlike some of us, I have been tested.

Ben:
Here comes the burning tank story, where he saves the one guy, and the rest of us get fucking tortured.

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Gary:
What do you think of the new cut, huh? Do you like it?

Mike:
Of course I don't fucking like it! It's the worst use of scissors since my failed vasectomy!

Gary:
The elven look is in right now, I was reading about it.

Mike:
People don't elect elves, okay. They put them to work in grottos or get them drunk at frat parties so they can toss them.

Gary:
That's dwarves.

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Furlong:
[to Catherine, regarding Selina's new haircut] Just imagine, that's what you'll look like when you become a boy.

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Kent:
I know it's terrible that the First Lady tried to kill herself, but our carrying on is what she would have wanted—does want.

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Amy:
Okay, Thornhill knows how to throw a ball, Pierce may be a sitting fuck, but the main targets here are Maddox and Chung.

Ben:
Well hit Chung with inexperience and Maddox with resignation; actual and general air of.

Amy:
Yeah, I want their heads on my wall. Actual heads.

Furlong:
God, I love this kind of talk; gets me aroused. [beat] Sorry, I meant "roused". [beat] No, did I mean—I meant "aroused"! Aroused.

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Selina:
So you did get my final e-mail on topics?

Janet Ryland:
No, but my spam filter did.

Veep, Season 2  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Kent:
Ma'am, my brain is at your service.

Selina:
We'll see.

Veep, Season 2  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Selina:
Hey, why doesn't POTUS just make an apology? I mean, I did and I was only, like, suicidal for a week.

Ben:
Because he's a mess, alright. He's got a cave full of bats in his skull.

Selina:
I took the heat for the spy. Don't I get any credit for that at all?

Ben:
Yeah, so now we've got the judiciary committee subpoenaing us senseless, and on top of that, we got a rumour going around that says there's a challenger inside the party.

Selina:
What? Who?

Ben:
I dunno. One of Gaddafi's sons? They're polling better, so thank you very much for your help, but would you quit being so goddamned proactive? What are you going to do for an encore? Blow the opening day pitch out of your ass?

Selina:
Ah, that's lovely. Is this what it's going to be like for the next two years?

Ben:
Oh, my, yes. We are at DEFCON Fuck.

Veep, Season 2  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Selina:
Once again, Andrew, you have totally lived down to my expectations. When I invited you here to the residence to fuck me, I didn't mean this.

Veep, Season 2  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Janet Ryland:
Can we get a couple of lights for the vice president?

Glen:
Yeah, let me just pull that out of my ass.

Janet Ryland:
It's DC. You can find someone willing to open their ass on a Sunday.

Veep, Season 2  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Ben:
Madam Vice President, greatest respect, but it has been the job of the VP over the ages to take it in the ass to save the president.

Selina:
Yeah, let me tell you something. This ass is closed for business. This ass is in clench-down. I don't want to be a decoy. Let the president take it in the ass. He might like it.

Veep, Season 2  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Selina:
[Watching Danny Chung on TV] See, this is the problem with high-definition. You don't want to see a dick in hi-def.

Veep, Season 2  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Selina:
I'm taking these people back to dial-up, you know what I mean? They think they're kings of America.

Kent:
Well, in a way they are.

Selina:
No, they're not!

Kent:
Okay, I take your point.

Selina:
I know you're walking around here like you're C-3PO with a big brass shiny erection, but I've got news for you, this is kindergarten for cyber-brats. And I'll tell you something else: if you're over 30, check it out. [indicates an elderly cleaner nearby] That's where you're headed my friend, if you work here. I gotta go to the bathroom. Do they have a bathroom here, or do they put their turds up in the cloud?

Kent:
Down the hall, to the right.

Selina:
I hate this fucking place.

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

Selina:
Go fuck yourself, Jonah.

Jonah:
But ma'am, I'm G8 advanced team!

Selina:
Go, period. Fuck, period. Yourself, exclamation point!

Veep, Season 2  Show Quote

added 7 months ago

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