Wikidude's Quotes Page #5,246

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[While making out]

Lt. Dish:
I made a vow to myself that while I was gone, I was going to be-- I was going to be faithful to my husband.

Hawkeye:
Those are the vows you make when you're with somebody.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Duke:
Well, listen, uh, where were you when you were drafted? I was just curious.

Trapper:
Back home. I told you before.

Duke:
No, I mean, what were you doing? Were you, like, a resident, or on staff someplace?

Trapper:
Mmm.

Duke:
Where?

Trapper:
Hospital.

Duke:
Which hospital?

Trapper:
Back home.

Duke:
[To Hawkeye] Is there some reason I shouldn't know which hospital?

Hawkeye:
I don't know. I will ask. Is there some reason my friend should not know the name of the hospital?

[Trapper pops his gum and shrugs.]

Hawkeye:
There doesn't appear to be any reason. I've seen you somewhere before. I don't know your name, stranger, but your face is familiar. Have you always had that mustache?

[Trapper smirks and shakes his head.]

Hawkeye:
Hmm.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Hawkeye:
Duke, did I ever tell you how Androscoggin College beat Dartmouth in a raging blizzard, six to nothing, because I intercepted a pass?

Duke:
Yeah, you told me.

Hawkeye:
They had this great passer, see? [Trapper John shrugs, smiling] And we held them nothing-nothing till the last 20 seconds, and then snow and all, he let one go. And it went sailing . . . boom!

Trapper:
Lucky your mouth wasn't open, it would have got stuck in your throat.

Hawkeye:
Oh, baby! How are you, Trapper John McIntyre?

Trapper:
I thought you'd never remember.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Trapper Painless Polish Day in the shower tent?

Hawkeye:
Walt Waldowski, the dentist.

Trapper:
Well, what, are those guys waiting to scrub his back or something?

Hawkeye:
No, no. Old Painless is what we call the, ah, "best equipped dentist in the army".

Surgeon:
[as he walks away from the shower] I'd dearly love to see that angry!

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

[After Trapper punches Frank Burns]

Col. Blake:
Well, what's wrong with you?

Trapper:
I don't know. I must have lost my punch. I never expected the son of a bitch to get up!

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Hot Lips:
[About Hawkeye] I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of authority in the Army Medical Corps.

Father Mulcahy:
He was drafted.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

[Referring to Major Houlihan]

Trapper:
Well, what's the matter with her today?

Hawkeye:
Oh, I don't know. I think it's one of those ladies' things.

Trapper:
It's not like her to act like this. She's a bitch. Look at my new flannel-- I think she's going to have a nervous breakdown.

Hawkeye:
She can't even get out of the door.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

[Frank Burns leaps over the mess table and tackles Hawkeye]

Hawkeye:
Get him off me! I've got glasses. Get him off me!

Duke:
What's going on, Frank? That lesson one?

Hawkeye:
Frank Burns has gone nuts! I'm wearing glasses, for God's sake!

Trapper:
Watch out for your goodies, Hawkeye. That man is a sex maniac. I don't think Hot Lips satisfied him. Don't let him kiss you, Hawkeye!

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

[Father Mulcahy tells Hawkey that Painless has a problem.]

Hawkeye:
What do you mean? What is it?

Father Mulcahy:
Well, what is it? It's difficult to talk about, you see, because I learned about his problem in confession.

Hawkeye:
Oh, and you can't--

Father Mulcahy:
I can't divulge…

Hawkeye:
Can you give me a hint?

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

[Gathered at Painless's suicide feast.]

Duke:
Now then, y'all come here to say your final farewell to ol' Walt here.

Trapper John:
Farewell Walt.

Duke:
Dear ol' Walt. You know, I got an idea that maybe it's not such a final farewell after all. I think maybe ol' Walt's going on into the unknown to do a little recon work for us all.

Hawkeye:
I just-- I just wanna say one thing. Uh, nobody ordered Walt to go on this mission. He volunteered for certain death.

Duke:
That's true.

Hawkeye:
That's what we award our highest medals for.

Duke:
That's beautiful.

Hawkeye:
That's what being a soldier is all about.

Trapper:
Oh yeah.

Capt. Bandini:
Here! Here!

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Hot Lips:
That man is a prisoner of war, Doctor.

Trapper:
So are you, sweetheart, but you don't know it.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Duke:
I'm kind of partial to blonde myself.

Hawkeye:
I knew it! I knew you had a-- had an attraction for Hot Lips Houlihan

Trapper:
Here! Here!

Duke:
Go to hell, Captain Pierce. You know I damn near puke every time I look at her. Besides she's-- I'll bet she's not a real blonde.

Hawkeye:
How dare you say that about an officer of the United States Army!

Duke:
I'll not only say it, but I'll back it with 20 bucks. How's that?

Hawkeye:
You have yourself a bet, sir. [To Trapper] You're my witness.

Trapper:
I'll be your witness, but who's gonna be the poor schmuck who finds out?

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Trapper:
Look, mother, I want to go to work in one hour. We are the Pros from Dover and we figure to crack this kid's chest and get out to golf course before it gets dark. So you go find the gas-passer and you have him pre-medicate this patient. Then bring me the latest pictures on him. The ones we saw must be 48 hours old by now. Then call the kitchen and have them rustle us up some lunch. Ham and eggs will all right. Steak would be even better. And then give me at least one nurse who knows how to work in close without getting her tits in my way.

Capt. Peterson:
[Outraged] Oh! [She turns to leave and bumps into Nurse] Oh! Fool! [She stomps off]

Nurse:
How do you want your steak cooked?

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Me Lay:
Who are you?

Hawkeye:
I'm Dr. Jekyll, actually. This is my friend, Mr. Hyde.

[Trapper grunts]

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

[Caught by the MPs]

Trapper:
Finally caught up with us, huh?

Hawkeye:
Where did we fail?

Trapper:
I don't know, I think it was the woman. Something tells me I've seen her someplace before.

Hawkeye:
She was the one in Tangiers.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

[the starter's pistol goes off at the football game]

Hot Lips:
Oh my God! They've shot him!

Colonel Blake:
Hot Lips, you incredible nincompoop! It's the end of the quarter.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce:
Frank, were you on this religious kick at home, or did you crack up over here?

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce:
[to Major Margaret Houlihan] Oh, come off it, Major! You put me right off my fresh fried lobster, do you realize that? I'm going to go back to my bed, I'm going to put away the best part of a bottle of scotch . . . and under normal circumstances, you being normally what I would call a very attractive woman, I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me, and you might possibly have come. But you really put me off. I mean, you're what we call a regular army clown.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce:
Baby we're gonna see some stitching like you never saw before.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce:
[Trying to convince Lt. Dish to sleep with Painless.] You have the rare privilege that happens on certain occasions to chief executives of states or nations. You have the privilege of restoring a human being's life by a tender act of mercy.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce:
Let's give him a sexy scar, huh? Fantastic.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce:
Who am I? I am the pro from Dover, and this [Indicates Trapper John] is my favorite caddy.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Capt. "Trapper" John Francis Xavier Mcintyre:
It's a good thing you have a nice body, nurse, otherwise they'd get rid of you quick.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

Capt. "Trapper" John Francis Xavier Mcintyre:
No. No food. Sex. I want sex. Bring me some sex. [The others call for Storch, but Trapper John points at Hot-Lips] No, no, no, that one. Bring me that one over there. That one. The sultry bitch with the fire in her eyes. Take her clothes off! I want that one, yes. Take her clothes off and bring her to me now.

– M*A*S*H  Movie Quote

added 2 years ago

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