[Anita is trying to sneak into the house without being heard, but a bell on the door handle falls.]
Elaine:
Anita?
Anita:
Hi Mom.
Elaine:
You hungry? I made soy cutlets.
Anita:
No thanks, I already ate.
[Elaine gets close to Anita's face.]
Elaine:
You've been kissing.
Anita:
No I haven’t.
Elaine:
Yes you have, I can tell.
Anita:
You can’t tell.
Elaine:
Not only can I tell I know who it is.
[Anita starts to walk away.]
Elaine:
Whatcha’ got under your coat?
[Anita removes the Simon and Garfunkel record she was hiding under her coat, and hands it to Elaine.]
Anita:
It’s unfair we can’t listen to our own music.
Elaine:
That is because it is about drugs and promiscuous sex.
Anita:
Simon and Garfunkel is poetry.
Elaine:
Yes, it is poetry about drugs and promiscuous sex. Honey, they’re on pot.
Anita:
First it was butter, then sugar, white flour, bacon, eggs, bologna; then it was celebrating Christmas, on a day in September, when you knew it wouldn’t be commercialized. What else are you gonna ban?
Elaine:
I am trying to give you the cliff notes on how to live life in this world.
Anita:
We’re like nobody else I know!
Elaine:
[to herself] I’m a college professor, why can’t I teach my own kids. Use me.
Anita:
Darrell says that you use knowledge to keep me down. He says that I’m a yes person and you are trying to raise us in a no environment!
Elaine:
Well, clearly no is a word Darrell doesn’t hear often.
Anita:
[Frustrated and yelling] I can’t live here! I hate you, even William hates you!
William:
I don’t hate her.
Anita:
You do hate her; you don’t even know the truth.
Elaine:
Honey, don’t be a drama queen.
Anita:
Feck you!!
Elaine:
Hey!!
Anita:
This is a house of lies! [Storms off to her bedroom.]
Elaine:
There it is. Your sister used the F word.
William:
I think she said feck.
Elaine:
What’s the difference?
William:
The letter U.
