Wikidude's Quotes Page #5,769

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude — There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Lyle: [Taunting the mainly-black railworkers] When you was slaves, you sang like birds. Come on! How about a good old nigger work song? [Enraged, the workers move to attack him, but are stopped by Bart. He promptly proceeds to sing.] Bart: [Crooning, Sammy Davis, Jr.-style, with fellow railworkers providing backing vocals] I get no kick from champagne... Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all...[the bullying supervisors look immensely confused and insulted] so why then should it be true?... that I get a belt - outta you... Some get a kick from coca-yeai-yeaiiiinnnneee... Lyle: Hold it! Hold it! What the hell is that shit?! I meant a song! A real song! Something like [singing] "Swing low, sweet chariot"... [The railworkers mumble to each other in mock confusion] Lyle: Don't know that one, huh. Well how about "De Camptown Ladies"? Bart: De Camptown Ladies? Railworkers: De Camptown Ladies? Lyle: Oh, you know! "De Camptown ladies sing this song, doo-dah, doo-dah! Camptown Race Track five miles long, oh-de-do-da-dahy!" [The white supervisors begin joining in, complete with ludicrous dancing actions, much to the amusement of the railworkers. Suddenly, Taggart rides in aboard a galloping horse, shooting wildly into the air, interrupting the song, and scattering the white supervisors aside.] Taggart: What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is a-goin' on here? I hired you people to get some track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots! – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[Gabby Johnson sees the sheriff riding into town] Gabby Johnson: Hey! The sheriff's a nig... [clock bell chimes] Harriet Johnson: What did he say? Dr. Sam Johnson: He said the sheriff's near. Gabby Johnson: No, gone blame it dang blammit! The sheriff is a nig... [clock bell chimes again] – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Bart: Excuse me while I whip this out... [People cringe back and a woman faints. As he pulls out a letter instead of you-know-what, people sigh - almost sounding disappointed] Bart: ...By the power invested in me by the honorable William J. Le Petomane... [People start cocking guns and pointing them at Bart] Bart: ...I hereby assume the duties of sheriff in and for the township of Rock Ridge. Reverend: Gentlemen, gentlemen, let's not let anger rule the day! [waving Bible] As your spiritual leader, I implore you to pay heed to this good book and what it has to say! [A hole is shot through the Bible; the Reverend turns to Bart] Reverend: Son, you're on your own. [The people are about to shoot Bart at his opening speech until he takes himself hostage] Bart: [in a gruff voice, hauling himself by the collar and pressing the muzzle of his gun against his own neck] Hold it! The next man that makes a move, the nigger gets it. Dr. Johnson: Hold it men, he's not bluffing! [all but Howard Johnson drop their guns] Dr. Samuel Johnson: Listen to him, men; he's just crazy enough to do it! Bart: [still gruffly, to Howard] Drop it, or I swear I'll blow this nigger's head ALL OVER THIS TOWN! [minstrel voice] Oh, Lawdy-Lawd, he's desp'at! Do what he say, do what he SAY...! [Howard slowly drops the gun] [Bart slowly moving towards the sheriff's office, still holding himself hostage] Harriet Johnson: Isn't anyone going to help that poor man? Dr. Samuel Johnson: Hush, Harriet! That's a sure way to get him killed! Bart: [minstrel voice] Oh, Oh he'p me! He'p me! He'p me! Somebody He'p me! He'p me! He'p me! He'p me! [gruffly] Shut up! [covers his own mouth, pushes himself into the office] Oh, baby, you are so talented--and they are so dumb! – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Bart: [Jim grabs a liquor bottle] Maybe you should have something to eat first. Jim: Oh, no thanks. Food makes me sick [Takes a long drink] Bart: A man drink like that and he don't eat, he is going to die! Jim: [Eagerly] When? – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Bart: What's your name? Jim: My name's Jim, but most people call me - Jim...I used to be known as the Waco Kid. Bart: The Waco Kid, he had the fastest hands in the West! Jim: ...In the world. – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Bart: Okay, Jim, since you are my guest and I am your host, what are your pleasures? What do you like to do? Jim: Oh, I don't know. Play chess...screw. Bart: Well let's play chess. – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[Bart walks in the saloon, dressed as a Telegram serviceman delivering what appears to be a candy box. Mongo continues to crush the struggling men behind him with a piano.] Bart: Candygram for Mongo. Candygram for Mongo. Candygram for Mongo. Candygram for Mongo. Mongo: Me Mongo. Bart: [hands him a card, while the men faint] Sign, please. [Mongo signs the card, unintentionally shredding the paper. Bart gives him a box.] Bart: [gives Mongo a box] Thank you. [The Merrie Melodies theme begins playing while Bart walks away, plugging his ears.] Mongo (as music pauses): Mongo like candy. [Opens up a box and it explodes in his face; Merrie Melodies theme resumes playing.] – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Jim: [taunting Klansmen] Hey boys! Look what I got here! [pulls Bart out from behind a rock] Bart: Hey, where are da white women at? [The Klansmen chase Jim and Bart behind the rock and are quickly knocked out.] – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Reverend Johnson: Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving. [one of the townspeople refuses to budge and reminds the pastor that he's not going to let some rustlers chase him and the others out of town.] Reverend Johnson: ...So, to close this meeting, let us read from the Books of Matthew, Mark, Luke... [a bundle of dynamite is tossed into the church through a stained-glass window] ...and DUCK! [explosion] – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Taggart: Well, holy mother of pearl! It's that nigger that went and hit me over the head with a shovel! Now, just what do you think you're doin' with that tin star, boy?! Bart: Watch that "boy" shit, redneck! You're talkin' to the sheriff of Rock Ridge! – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Taggart: What do you want me to do, sir? Hedley Lamarr: I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gun slinger in the West. Take this down. [Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks] Hedley Lamarr: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists! [Laughs hysterically and sinisterly] Taggart: [finally finding a pen and paper] Could you repeat that, sir? Hedley Lamarr: [Groan!] – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[Bart dresses himself as a carnival barker and stands by a wishing well] Bart: Step right up, ladies and gentlemen and...Mongos! Dive, dive, dive for buried treasure! This is the exact spot where the Spanish Armada was sunk by the British Navy [They're in the middle of a desert on the Western Frontier], leaving millions and millions of Spanish dubloons at the bottom of the sea! Mongo: [excited] Spanish balloons? Mongo take chance! – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Taggart: We'll head them off at the pass!! Hedley Lamarr: "Head them off at the pass!?!" I hate that cliché!! [He shoots Taggart in the foot while Lyle runs off, not wanting to anger his boss.] – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Jim: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Lyle: Don't pay no attention to that alky. He can't even hold a gun, much less shoot it. [Jim preps himself by licking his finger and blowing it; Lyle, Taggart and their men take aim at Bart] Lyle: Like I said, on the count of three. One. Two. Three. [Jim draws both of his own guns, shooting those of Taggart and Company out of their hands. The railroad workers cheer and congratulate Jim, while the villains struggle to take in what just happened] Bart: Well don't just stand there lookin' stupid, grasping your hands in pain. How about an applause for the Waco Kid. [Taggart, Lyle and their men grudgingly applaud Jim.] – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications. Rapist: Rape, murder, arson and rape. Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice. Rapist: I like rape. Taggart: [Chuckles] He'll do. Hedley Lamarr: Charming. Sign right here. [The rapist signs his name] Hedley Lamarr: Very good. Badge. Next. Qualifications? Gum-chewing outlaw: Arson, armed robbery...mayhem. Hedley Lamarr: Wait a minute. What have you got in your mouth? Gum-chewing outlaw: [Stops chewing] Noth-um! Hedley Lamarr: "Noth-um", eh? Lyle. Lyle: [Pulls gum out of outlaw's mouth] Gum! Hedley Lamarr: Chewing gum in line, eh? I hope you brought enough for everybody! Gum-chewing outlaw: .[panicked] ..I didn't know there was going to be so many! [Lamarr shoots him dead] Jim: Boy, is he strict! – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[Harriet Johnson reads her letter to the Governor] Harriet Johnson: [quietly] To the honorable William J. Le Petomane, Governor... Townspeople: Louder! We can't hear you! Harriet Johnson: I'm not used to public speaking. [clears her throat] Harriet Johnson: WE THE WHITE, GOD-FEARING CITIZENS OF ROCK RIDGE [The townspeople jumps in shock.] Harriet Johnson: ...wish to express our extreme displeasure with your choice of sheriff. Please remove him immediately! The fact that you have sent him here just goes to prove that you are the leading asshole in the state! – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain] Bart: Stampeding cattle. Hedley Lamarr: That's not much of a crime. Bart: ...through the Vatican? Hedley Lamarr: [smiling] Kinky. Sign here. [Jim, also disguised as a Klansman, covers for Bart's slip] Jim: Why Rhett! How many times have I told you to wash up after a weekly cross-burning? See, it's coming off. Bart: And now, for my next impression... Jesse Owens! – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Governor William J. Le Petomane: Holy underwear! Sheriff murdered? Innocent women and children blown to bits? We've got to protect our phoney-baloney jobs, gentleman! We must do something about this immediately! Immediately, immediately! Harrumph, harrumph!" [Other staff 'harrumph' as well] I didn't get a "harrumph" out of that guy! Hedley Lamarr: Give the governor "harrumph"! Staff member: Harrumph! Governor William J. Le Petomane: You watch your ass. – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Hedley Lamarr: ...Today, we embark on a crusade to stamp out runaway decency in the West. You will be risking only your lives, while I will be risking an almost-certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor. Raise your right hands for the pledge. And repeat after me: I... Men: I... Hedley Lamarr: ...your name... Men: ...your name... Hedley Lamarr: [to himself] Shmucks. [continues aloud] Hedley Lamarr: ...pledge allegiance... Men: ...pledge allegiance... Hedley Lamarr: ...to Hedley Lamarr... Men: ...to Hedy Lamarr... Hedley Lamarr: THAT'S HEDLEY! Men: That's Hedley! Hedley Lamarr: ...and to the evil... Men: ...and to the evil... Hedley Lamarr: ...for which he stands. Men: ...for which he stands. Hedley Lamarr: Now go do... that voodoo... that YOU do... SO WELL...! [Men shoot at the sky in joy and ride off] – Blazing Saddles Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Judge Harold Bedford: I Heard You were represented by council. Lawyer: Sorry I'm Late Judge Bedford: Uh Mr.Davis would you mind explaning this? Lawyer: I would not mind explaining this For Mr.Davis Your honor Judge Bedford: I was speaking to Mr.Davis. Walter: Please dont let this man help me. Judge Bedford: Order In The Court [accidentally breaks his Gavel Mallet and ends up in the stenographer's space] Stenographer: Uh? [ends up partly out of her chair] Judge Bedford: Mr.Davis one more outburst and ill hold you in contempt. Stenographer: I'm Allright. Judge Bedford: Stop! Judge Bedford Twenty minute recess [clears the courtroom] – Blind Date Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Steve Andrews: Dave! Doc Hallen's been killed! Lieutenant Dave: Doc Hallen? What happened? Steve Andrews: It's over at his place! You've gotta come now! Lieutenant Dave: Now wait a minute, Steve. Tell us what happened. Steve Andrews: I'm trying to tell you – that this thing has killed the Doc! Sgt. Jim Bert: What was it?! Out with it, kid! Steve Andrews: Well it's kind of a... It's kind of a mass. It keeps getting bigger and bigger. Lieutenant Dave: Come on, Steve, make sense. Steve Andrews: I know, I know! Look, Dave, you gotta see this thing to believe what I'm telling you. Sgt. Jim Bert: Maybe this thing you saw was a... monster? Steve Andrews: Yeah, maybe it was. I don't know. Lieutenant Dave: Hold on, Jim. Now what is this, Steve? A little while ago it was driving backwards, now it's monsters. Jane Martin: He's not making it up, Dave, honest! Steve Andrews: Dave, I'm not kidding you, I swear, come out to the Doc's. You can see it for yourself. Sgt. Jim Bert: You're crazy if you go. Can't you see it's a gag? Lieutenant Dave: He says Doc Hallen's dead, Jim. We've got to check it out. Let's go. – The Blob Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Steve Andrews: [Trying to get everybody's attention] Listen, now listen to me, everybody, this town is in danger. Now, several people have been killed already! Now we – we had to make this noise so you would listen to us, so we could warn you! Man: If we're in trouble, where's the police? Sgt. Jim Bert: [Sees Steve] You, boy, this time you really hung yourself. Steve Andrews: Now, look, Sarge. Just give me a chance to talk to them, that's all. Sgt. Jim Bert: I don't know what kind of stunt it is you're pulling here, but whatever it is, it's going to stop right now! Officer Ritchie: Here comes Dave! Lieutenant Dave: What's going on here, Jim? Steve! Steve Andrews: Dave, make them listen to me. There IS a monster! We saw it again at dad's store, and it's bigger now! Sgt. Jim Bert: Your story's gotten bigger now, kid. Steve Andrews: Dave, look at me! Do I look like somebody's playing a practical joke? Am I laughing, or am I scared stiff? Lieutenant Dave: He's telling the truth. – The Blob Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
[Last lines] Lieutenant Dave: At least we've got it stopped. Steve Andrews: Yeah, as long as the Arctic stays cold. – The Blob Movie Quote	added 5 years ago
Police Captain: Ramses was the killer we've been looking for. Mrs. Fremont, I'm afraid this feast is evidence of murder! Mrs. Dorothy Fremont: Oh dear! The guests will have to eat hamburgers for dinner tonight. – Blood Feast Movie Quote	added 5 years ago

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