Bart:
Excuse me while I whip this out...
[People cringe back and a woman faints. As he pulls out a letter instead of you-know-what, people sigh - almost sounding disappointed]
Bart:
...By the power invested in me by the honorable William J. Le Petomane...
[People start cocking guns and pointing them at Bart]
Bart:
...I hereby assume the duties of sheriff in and for the township of Rock Ridge.
Reverend:
Gentlemen, gentlemen, let's not let anger rule the day! [waving Bible] As your spiritual leader, I implore you to pay heed to this good book and what it has to say!
[A hole is shot through the Bible; the Reverend turns to Bart]
Reverend:
Son, you're on your own.
[The people are about to shoot Bart at his opening speech until he takes himself hostage]
Bart:
[in a gruff voice, hauling himself by the collar and pressing the muzzle of his gun against his own neck] Hold it! The next man that makes a move, the nigger gets it.
Dr. Johnson:
Hold it men, he's not bluffing! [all but Howard Johnson drop their guns]
Dr. Samuel Johnson:
Listen to him, men; he's just crazy enough to do it!
Bart:
[still gruffly, to Howard] Drop it, or I swear I'll blow this nigger's head ALL OVER THIS TOWN! [minstrel voice] Oh, Lawdy-Lawd, he's desp'at! Do what he say, do what he SAY...! [Howard slowly drops the gun]
[Bart slowly moving towards the sheriff's office, still holding himself hostage]
Harriet Johnson:
Isn't anyone going to help that poor man?
Dr. Samuel Johnson:
Hush, Harriet! That's a sure way to get him killed!
Bart:
[minstrel voice] Oh, Oh he'p me! He'p me! He'p me! Somebody He'p me! He'p me! He'p me! He'p me! [gruffly] Shut up! [covers his own mouth, pushes himself into the office] Oh, baby, you are so talented--and they are so dumb!
