Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #257

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,814 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Narrator:
Weeks later, when his chum got a 3-legged dog, Dale was jealous because he could only afford a pet leg.

Narrator:
It spent all day humping itself, happy as a lark's arm, and even gave birth to a litter of toe-lets...until the day it got hit by a wheel.

Narrator:
Doctors had to amputate his whole body and replace him with a wooden one. Other dogs mistook Sock for a stick, so he contracted rabies and went on a rampage.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Narrator:
Life flashes forced Officer Dale to recall his first disappointment...how, since the age of 6, he yearned for a puppy but his parents were allergic...to making him happy.

Narrator:
So, instead, they had his grandma move in, and Dale taught her some tricks. He trained Nana to sit up and beg for her meds. She could shake...

Narrator:
...catch a Frisbee in her teeth. When she messed the rug, he rubbed her nose in it until the foul of her unpleasantness was gone.

Narrator:
But when Dale took Nana to the vet to get fixed, they discovered she had mange, and he had to put her out of her misery and into his ecstasy.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Officer Dale:
No, put that down! Please, n-not poetry!

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Narrator:
The only way to escape the prison of reality is turn your life into a lie so you are not you.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Narrator:
You're a different person making all this up in his journal of fantastical fiction, a lonely loser as pathetic as a poet.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Nurse:
Mr. Lem, you're up. Great. All's back to normal. You're free to go.

Neil Lem:
But the ogling?

Nurse:
Turns out that was a hoax. You're totally fine. Exit's through there.

[Neil Lem walks out the exit door sending him to an apocalyptic place]

Neil Lem:
This is the worst hoax I've ever been a part of! [looks at the audience] And I was in the camps.

Random Voice:
Oi.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Neil Lem:
Where am I? What happened?

Nurse:
The mutants consider you their God...

Neil Lem:
Ahh. What?

Nurse:
...presuming this was all your grand plan to remake civilization with their kind as our overlords.

Neil Lem:
Ohh. Ohh.

Nurse:
But we normals beseech you -- Stand with us. Declare allegiance to our resistance! Will you wave our flag?

Neil Lem:
I swear I'll never ogle anyone again.

Nurse:
Forget about that! You're the only fertile male left -- We need your help to repopulate.

Neil Lem:
What?

Nurse:
Come. Give me some semen. Hurry. Come on. Hit me, stat!

Neil Lem:
Do you have, like, a-a dirty magazine?

Nurse:
Haven't you ogled enough?! We got medical extraction procedures.

[Nurse pulls up a knife and kills Neil Lem]

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Neil Lem:
What...happened?

Nurse:
You said some offensive things to a woman, and the media got wind of everything you've done.

Neil Lem:
Mm-hmm.

Nurse:
There's been riots across the state. The whole country's in chaos.

Neil Lem:
Oh.

Nurse:
But before it got out of control, the police were destroyed to maintain the peace...

Neil Lem:
Thank Christ for --

Nurse:
...which means thousands of innocent citizens have been shot quite dead.

Neil Lem:
That's awful.

Nurse:
The human animal will take only so much before they rise up to tear down governments that oppress.

Neil Lem:
Ohh.

Nurse:
Sensing weakness, the North Koreans launched the first nuke.

Neil Lem:
Ohh!

Nurse:
But after we retailed, Iran, Russia, China, Japan, India, Brazil unleashed all they had. Most of Earth's population is dead. Of the survivors 90% are mutant-ed.

Nurse:
The only thing the globe agrees on is that this is all your fault, and you must pay.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Neil Lem:
Do I look all right?

Nurse:
Sure. Lila! Come on in, honey.

[shows Lila's appearance as an old woman]

Neil Lem:
Wait. When did the accident happen?

Nurse:
It was about three hours ago. Why?

Neil Lem:
She's just...older than I --

Nurse:
I'm sorry, is she not your type?

Neil Lem:
No! I didn't -- I didn't mean...

Nurse:
She's really vulnerable right now.

[Lila passes out]

Nurse:
She's gone. I hope you're happy.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Jim:
Listen, this is important. I need you to reach into my chest pocket, take out that terry cloth, and, ever so delicately cover up my genitals.

Saul Malone:
I can't sir! I'm just a geologist.

[Jim slaps Saul]

Jim:
You're a STRATA geologist.

Jim:
Those aren't my genitals. They belonged to Keiko. My genitals are over there.

[cuts to the next scene where Jim's other body was cut in half with his genitals sticking out]

Saul of the Mole Men  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Neil Lem:
I don't know who I am, but I'm sure I did not mean to ogle a girl.

Nurse:
Woman. Woman. She wants to meet you.

Neil Lem:
Meet me? Why?

Nurse:
It's the least you could do. I mean, it seems like you like her so much.

Nurse:
We thought, maybe you two meet under these tragic circumstances, it bonds you into an unlikely romance wherein you help each other heal. Could be an amazing love story.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Neil Lem:
I...was ogling?

Nurse:
The good thing is you managed to swerve back onto the road.

Neil Lem:
Thank God.

Nurse:
Straight into a school bus.

Neil Lem:
Ohh!

Nurse:
None of those kids survived. The parents are devastated. Understandably, many have bought guns...

Neil Lem:
Ohh!

Nurse:
...and are going on shooting sprees all over town.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Neil Lem:
Where am I? Who am I?

Nurse:
Your name is Neil Lem. You've been in an accident. You were driving, and a woman was on the sidewalk without a bra.

Nurse:
You took your eyes off the road to ogle her breasts.

Neil Lem:
Oh.

Nurse:
You hopped the curb and ran over a dog.

Neil Lem:
Oh!

Nurse:
And its owner.

Neil Lem:
Oh, God.

Nurse:
And his kids.

Neil Lem:
Ohh!

Nurse:
And their friends.

Neil:
Oh.

Nurse:
And their pet hamster. But, miraculously, we were able to save...only the hamster.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Narrator:
But some accidents are even worse...when the victim doesn't deserve it.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Doctor:
One last push, ma'am. It's a boy! Oh! Oh, God.

Woman:
What?

Doctor:
Oh, no!

Woman:
What is it?!

Doctor:
I'm sorry, ma'am -- He's a dirty pig.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Narrator:
And some days, your whole life flashes before your eyes, in real time, staring with Day One.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Narrator:
Then again, some people are born victims -- All of them.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Prisoner 72301:
Guard, bars! Do it now, or I say something so profound, it'll blow every mind in this joint.

Prison Guard:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, easy. Let's not get heavy here. I-I'm -- I'm bringing it.

Prisoner 72301:
You -- Your head here.

Prison Guard:
J-J-Just don't say anything to upend my world view, all right? I got kids. I got kids.

Prisoner 72301:
You know what I always wondered -- Like, what's the deal with society, bruh?

Prison guard:
Oh, man, that's a trip.

[The prison guard's head also explodes]

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Prison Guard:
Damn it, we supposed to be on break. I mean, where's our rest? It's as though, despite the fact that we are the jailers, in a sense, we are in our own prison...of the mind.

Prisoner:
Oh, man. What a thought!

[The prisoner's head explodes]

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Narrator:
But the other thing about this jail was...it could only afford one wall of bars.

The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
I got so desperate, I was talking sane -- Damn near descended down the brown abyss of emotional maturity.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Sheriff:
Toot-toot! All aboard! The gravy train's running express to your chest, and the dining car's got a number-2 class ticket to your face.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Sheriff:
Officer Nasty's back, reporting for dirt duty, and my desire-rhea's rising, so strap on your crap on, 'cause my booty 'bout to make it chocolate-rain scats and snausages, and they plump when you dook em.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

[Hurshe tries to shower herself with her own feces]

Hurshe:
I don't need no man to fill my needs. I self-sufficientated. This is feminism at its finest.

[Hurshe looks at her shower faucet reflection]

Hurshe:
[laughs] Look at that sad old slut. [realizes] Huh? Why, it's me!

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

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