Timothyj.29104's Quotes

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,785 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Rightside-Up Shiner:
BUSINESSMAN!

[every shoeshine boy pulls out their weapons at Chris]

Chris Monsanto:
Hey! Whoa. [takes off his disguise] Fellas. I ain't no businessman.

Spats:
He's clean.

Susie Wagner:
And I'm not a shine boy. [takes off her disguise] I'm a lady.

Spats:
LADY!

[every shoeshine boy unzips their pants]

Chris Monsanto:
Hey. Hey. Back off, you creeps.

Spats:
Just kidding, mister. Shine boys don't have family parts.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 hour ago

[Chris and Susie gets in a safe hideout place by one of the shoeshine boys]

Susie Wagner:
Where are we?

Chris Monsanto:
I don't know, but daddy likey. Underground world -- Check. Weirdos that don't consider themselves human -- Double check.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 2 hours ago

[Chris and Susie tries to figure out where the shoeshine boys are by Chris dressing as a businessman and Susie dressing a shoeshine boy]

Chris Monsanto:
Say, this here shoeshine boy is giving me the shine of a lifetime at a price affordable to all.

Elderly Woman:
GET HIM!

Man:
GET THAT SHINE BOY!

Chris Monsanto:
[to Susie] It's working. They think you're a boy.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 2 hours ago

Chris Monsanto:
Excuse me, wrinkles. Where might a gentleman with the purest of intentions find a young shoeshine boy in this fair town of yours?

Elderly Woman:
Shoeshine boys? [chuckles] Why, Millbrook's not seen a shine boy in near nover 25 years.

Chris Monsanto:
Well, what happened to them?

Elderly Woman:
Oh, one day they just all up and left us. No one ever found where they

Susie Wagner:
Huh! Case closed.

Chris Monsanto:
[lets go of Susie's arm] Susan, mein pappy once told me that a man is only as good as the shine on his shoes. We're gonna give this poor town its shine back.

Susie Wagner:
Chris, I don't think that we have time f---

[cuts to the next scene where Chris dressed Susie as a shoeshine boy]

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 2 hours ago

[Chris sees a civilian changing the signs "Going out of business" to "Going under bus", which then shows the civilian walking on the road getting hit by a bus]

Susie Wagner:
[to Chris] That was probably the guy that needed your help.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 2 hours ago

[Chris arrived at a poor old town]

Chris Monsanto:
Sheesh. What happened here? This place is really sucking the horny right out of my dockers.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 3 hours ago

Chris Monsanto:
[sings] Bo tay ho tay boo dee boo dee boo [grunts]!

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 3 hours ago

[meanwhile Chris and his gang are still surviving KillSpace]

Zint:
[sings] The Fisherman's Ghost takes a final bow, but beware his flying bees.

Chris Monsanto:
BEES!

Zint:
[sings] DUCK NOW!

Chris Monsanto:
Oh, thank you, Quint. Thank you!

[cuts to the next scene where Quint is still alive for the last time while his clone group is eating Quint's body]

Quint:
You're welcome, Chris.

[then Susie takes Quint's tape out]

Susie Wagner:
I'm sorry. I would rather die than listen to this garbage!

[as Susie throws the tape out the car window]

Zint:
[sings] And the wench destroyed the tape, but the other tape was already on its way to the record executive, I say. Did the fugitives survive? Did they leave the KillSpace alive? That's a story for another day.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

Quint:
I got something I want to show ya -- Just came in -- The final artwork for Paradise Rising.

[the Quint clones sees the album artwork that shows the original Quint's face and a bit of a band name changing]

Jint:
What the hell?! "The Quint Cussler Experience"? We're called DreamPrism.

Quint:
Huh? Oh, right. I figured, since you're all technically me, it's a solo project. [chuckles]

Jint, Zint, and Dint:
...

Quint:
It was Grint's idea?

Zint:
[pitch rises] NOOOOOOOOOO!

[then the Quint's clone group brutally ate Quint's body for not giving them credit since they're all freaks of himself]

Quint:
MARSHMALLOW! MARSHMALLOW!

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

[as Chris and his gang went to KillSpace, the tape plays some unusual lyrics]

Zint:
[sings] Alas, you've passed through the fiendish gate, heed my words, lest you seal your fate.

Susie Wagner:
Ugh, can I at least not die listening to his awful music?

Zint:
[sings] Beware the Porcupine of Doom, swerve left now, lest you fill your tomb.

Susie Wagner:
AAH! LOOK OUT!

[Chris turns the car to the left to avoid the Porcupine of Doom]

Chris Monsanto:
LEFT! Oh my god! The lyrics!

Susie Wagner:
Yeah, they're terrible!

Chris Monsanto:
No, it's Quint -- He's telling us how to survive KillSpace!

Zint:
[sings] The Lava Man will tear you apart, lest you stop his flaming heart which is located in his kneeeee!

[Chris kicks the lava man's heart in his knee]

The Lava Man:
UGH! MY HEART! [dies]

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

Zint:
[to Quint] So you had Grint killed and sent Chris to his death, on a promise made to you by a man who you correctly guessed would turn around and shoot you as soon as you helped him?

Jint:
What are you, an idiot?

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

[after Real Quint was shot, he still managed to be alive and talk with his clone group with some alarming news]

Quint:
Band meeting. Ugh. First, some bad news -- I sent Chris off to KillSpace.

Zint:
What?

Jint:
But he was your friend!

Zint:
Why would you do that?

Quint:
I know. I know. I sold him out. But, in return, a big-time record executive is going to listen to Paradise Rising.

Zint:
That's great.

Jint:
That's good.

Dint:
[gives him a multiple thumbs up]

Zint:
Have you told Grint?

Quint:
Bad news part 2 -- Grint is dead.

Jint:
What?!

Quint:
Yeah. I figured the guy I made the deal with was gonna kill me, so I had Grint stand in.

Zint:
And Grint was cool with that?

Quint:
Um...he insisted.

Zint:
That doesn't sound like Grint.

Quint:
TO GRINT!

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

[Chris and the gang head to KillSpace]

Susie Wagner:
Where are we?

Chris Monsanto:
"KillSpace, a unique dying concept".

Susie Wagner:
Are you sure we want to go in there?

Chris Monsanto:
Well, this is where Quint told me to go. Just be cool.

Hostess:
Hi. What's the name?

Chris Monsanto:
Could you see if there's a "Monsanto"?

Hostess:
Let's see. Monsanto, party of two plus one desk.

Chris Monsanto:
Oh, great.

Hostess:
Let me explain our concept a little bit. KillSpace offers a fresh, modern take on violent death. We use all local harmers --

Susie Wagner:
Chris, we don't want to die!

Chris Monsanto:
Shh! You're embarrassing us.

Hip Driver:
Excuse me. We've been waiting to die for like 45 minutes.

Hostess:
I'm sorry. Just a second. We're a little backed up.

Hip Driver:
This is ridiculous.

Hostess:
Have you decided?

Chris Monsanto:
You know what? We're just gonna let you surprise us.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

[while Chris and the gang are on the way to save Brett while listening to Quint's tape]

Susie Wagner:
This music stinks.

Chris Monsanto:
Well, soundwise, yes, but it's needlessly complicated, I'll give it that much.

Susie Wagner:
Sounds like a circle jerk to me.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

Quint:
Listen up and listen good. There's a lot you don't know about the Marshals. First off, the U.S. Marshal service was actually founded in 1789.

Chris Monsanto:
I know that. We learned that in the academy.

Quint:
Let me finish. 1789 thousand B.C. It was started by a secret cabal known as The Ancients.

Chris Monsanto:
What the hell are you talking about?

Quint:
Listen, their mission was onefold -- To scour the earth ins earth of the 5 chosen ones that were foretold in the prophecy. The Ancients needed them to complete "The Project". Maybe your friend Brett was one of the chosen ones.

Chris Monsanto:
Okay, well, none of that helps me and was a total waste of my time, so thank you, old man.

[before Chris was about to leave]

Quint:
Chris! If your boy's still alive, he's headed for Kartuuk, Ancient City where the Marshal service started. No one knows exactly where it is, but you'll know it when you see it. Head south and don't stop.

Chris Monsanto:
Thank you.

Quint:
It's a long trip. Here's a copy of Paradise Rising. Get ready for some sick licks.

[Quint gives Chris the tape]

Chris Monsanto:
Okay, can't wait.

Quint:
Chris, promise me you'll listen to the tape.

Chris Monsanto:
Ooh, okay. I promise.

[as Chris leaves Quint's house, Sugalski shows up]

Sugalski:
See? That wasn't so hard.

Quint:
I just sent my protege to certain death.

Sugalski:
And in return, I will pass on your demo on to my cousin at Toptune Records, as promised.

Quint:
Really.

Sugalski:
I'm a man of my word. And now I'm afraid you've outlived your usefulness, and I've out-used your live-fulness.

[Sugalski shoots Quint]

Sugalski:
[chuckles] Dumb bastard.

[Sugalski then notices Quint has multiple fingers]

Sugalski:
20 fingers? What the hell?

[then another Quint shows up]

Sugalski:
But I just killed you.

Quint:
No, Sugalski. You just killed Grint, my dumb bastard clone.

Sugalski:
[gun cocks] You have a few minutes to explain yourself.

Quint:
See, when I quit my life the Marshals to devote my life to progressive rock, I soon encountered what's known as "Prog Rocker's Dilemma". The music I composed was too dense and complex for any regular human being to play.

Quint:
No one had the chops, not even Cynthia. So I did some choppin' of my own -- DNA choppin' and slicin' and a-dicin' and a splicin'. I built a lab in my basement, cloned mutant versions of myself, and formed the world's first genetically engineered prog rock supergroup.

Quint:
First came Grint. His 20 fingers made him ideally suited to play complex guitar chords. Then I made a lead singer, Zint, whose giraffe-like neck gave him a 12-octave vocal range, just like a giraffe. Next came Dint, the drummer that's nothing but arms. Jint, whose dim, ego-less brain made him willing to play bass, and various session mutants.

[Sugalski shoots the real Quint]

Sugalski:
Alright, I get it.

Quint:
I had a hunch you were gonna double-cross me. That's why I had Grint pretend to be me.

Sugalski:
I didn't double-cross you, Quint. I said I would get your demo to the record label. I never said I wouldn't kill you.

Quint:
So you are going to give them the tape?

Sugalski:
[nodding his head meaning yes]

Quint:
Thanks, brother.

[then Sugalski shoots Quint again]

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

[Chris listens to Quint's music on ceiling, when Quint locked Chris in the room]

Chris Monsanto:
Ugh. What is this crap?

Quint:
[unlocks the door] It's Paradise Rising, my [progressive rock concept album. It's what I've spent the last 30 years working on.

Chris Monsanto:
You left the Marshals to do a prog rock album?

Quint:
Yes, sir. Formed a band called "DreamPrism". I played synth...ia, our lead guitarist, like a fiddle -- That is when I wasn't drumming...up support for my mind-melting bass licks. Sweet, huh?

Chris Monsanto:
Oh, yeah. No, it's --

Quint:
Track 36 of Paradise Rising. It's our triple-length debut/swan song. The lyrics are filled with cool porcupine imagery.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

Quint:
So, what brings you out this way?

Chris Monsanto:
I'm on the lam, Quint. I got framed for my friend, Brett's murder. And when I came up with the evidence that would prove my innocence, the Marshals tried to have me killed. I think there's a conspiracy that goes all the way up to the top.

Quint:
A "conspira-cry", eh? You know, Chris, I don't think I ever told you why I left the Marshals.

Chris Monsanto:
Well, I just assumed it was 'cause you got caught taking pictures of the female Marshals using the restrooms.

Quint:
That is true.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

[Quint welcomes his house to Chris and his gang]

Chris Monsanto:
Hey, why is the floor so wet?

Quint:
What? [sees his floor wet] Oh. Uh, not 'cause I've been cryin' all the time. [chuckles]

Quint:
[silently] Aw, damn it.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

[after they finished the episode of Joe being a ghost]

Producer:
How was it, Josh?

Joe Estevez:
That felt really great.

Producer:
Yeah, Joe. It was great.

Joe Estevez:
And, uh, I wonder if could keep this nice green shirt. It's got spaghetti stains on it, so it's not any good to anybody anyway, right?

[Producer leaves]

Joe Estevez:
[to the camera] And that's how you get a free shirt, folks. RAT-A-TAT-TAT, BOOM, BOOM, BABY!

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

Producer:
Joe Estevez?

Joe Estevez:
Yes? No?

Producer:
Look, we figured out you're not really Martin Sheen.

Joe Estevez:
I never said that I was.

Producer:
...

Joe Estevez:
Well, at least can I --

Producer:
Yes. You can finish the show. But only as the ghost. You're not playing Chris anymore.

Joe Estevez:
Well, gosh, I was...just gonna ask if I could keep the spaghetti.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

Milliner:
Welcome to Gormely's may I show you some hats?

Susie Wagner:
We're wondering what's going on with all the fedoras we're seeing around town lately.

Chris Monsanto:
Spill it.

Milliner:
Fedoras? Well, I'd be happy to tell you all about them right after I pour a nice cold glass of acid down my throat.

Susie Wagner:
Wait! Could you just tell us what's going on and then kill yourself afterwards?

Milliner:
Fine. What you know as fedoras are actually an ancient race of parasitic sea creatures. They disguise themselves as hats and latch onto the heads of unsuspecting humans. The fedora burrows into the host's brain and turns them into a total asshole.

Beach Woman:
Where did you get that hat?

Beach Man:
Where did you get that mouth?

Beach Woman:
...

Milliner:
Scientists have dated them back to cavemen times. The last outbreak was during the rat pack era. Millions of kind, intelligent men were turned into insufferable pricks, real pieces of sh*t.

Milliner:
They were more or less eradicated 50 years ago, but something must have awakened them.

[Chris had a flashback]

Chris Monsanto:
Tidal wave.

Milliner:
Now, if you don't mind...

[as Milliner starts to sizzle, the scene paused]

Director:
Cut! Okay, let's bring in the funny skeleton.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

Joe Estevez:
Oh, hey, Chris.

Chris Elliott:
Oh, hey, Marty. How you doing?

Joe Estevez:
Yeah, good, good. Doing good. You know, I'm getting a real kick out of playing my brother Joe. He's gonna love this when he sees it.

Joe Estevez:
[chuckles] Yeah. I'm Martin Sheen.

Chris Elliott:
So, what's...up?

Joe Estevez:
Oh, you know, I've been thinking. You know when my ghost is inside of you?

Chris Elliott:
Mm-hmm.

Joe Estevez:
Yeah. Well, I was thinking maybe we could do that old "Heaven can wait" thing, you know, where the audience -- Well, they see me instead of you.

Chris Elliott:
Yeah, I-I don't know, Martin. I mean, we've -- We've shot those scenes already.

Joe Estevez:
Well, it's not even my idea, you know? It's the producers. I'm -- I'm just the messenger here.

Chris Elliott:
Okay. Fine. I don't give a sh*t.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

Waiter:
Can I start y'all off with anything?

Chris Monsanto:
Yes, my good man. How about a bowl of soup on the house? I'm a disabled vet. I gave a nut or two or three to this country. Don't you think it's about time to pay it forward?

Waiter:
If you're a vet, I guess we could--

Chris Monsanto:
Isn't that wonderful? And if a few meatballs happen to fall in, well, um, Mum's the word.

[Waiter leaves]

Waiter:
[to an employee] He doesn't look like Joe Estevez, but it's definitely him.

Susie Wagner:
[to Chris] You're a veteran? You told me you beat the draft by pretending to be Lauren Bacall.

Chris Monsanto:
It's Joe Estevez. That sack of sh*t has me running his scams.

[then the scene turns into a 4th wall moment]

Director:
And cut. Good. Okay, that's a cut. Cameras to load. Let's take 5, guys.

Chris Elliott:
I'll be in my trailer.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

Newswoman:
Veteran actor Martin Sheen rang the bell at the New York stock exchange this morning. He's still very much alive. Meanwhile, his brother, Joe Estevez was shot dead outside a gas station. Estevez, seen here with his only known friend, hired hit man, Sal Winnick, was known mostly for the long list of restaurants from which he's been banned.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 1 day ago

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