Timothyj.29104's Quotes

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,335 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Hurlan:
Doc, I need help with Meemaw.

Doc:
Here's all you need to know.

[Doc puts a condom inside the banana]

Doc:
You just roll it over the top like so.

Hurlan:
You don't understand.

Doc:
Oh. I got you.

[Doc then brings out a small banana and puts the condom inside of it, swinging it around]

Doc:
Then you just knock here on the head with it and you have your way with her.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 2 hours ago

The Reverend:
City folks always flaunting something they call "Knowledge", and they find it in something that they call "Book". Well, last night, I got me a glory holy feeling, and I got to know'd this book inside and out and from behind.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 2 hours ago

[Chris sees his ghost son again]

Gabey:
Daddy!

Chris Monsanto:
Gabey.

Gabey:
Don't just try to avenge me. It's important to also do routine drug busts.

Chris Monsanto:
[seriously expression] Really?

Gabey:
Yes. You don't want tax dollars going to your own pet projects. Bye.

[as Gabey tries to find a door to escape, the door is locked]

Chris Monsanto:
Gabey?

Gabey:
Sh*t.

[as Gabey punch Chris right in the gut planning to escape again, Chris tackles his own son]

Gabey:
[man voice] Hands off me, queerbones! I don't haunt that way.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 21 hours ago

Susie Wagner:
I hope you don't mind me asking, Chris, but...why'd you come back?

Chris Monsanto:
A vision, Susan. [chuckles] Might even say a ghost. You see, I had another life before I was a Marshal. I had a bride, more beautiful than a limited-edition Thomas Kinkade. Soon she was with a child. But something went wrong. She died during childbirth. So I raised the boy alone. I called him Gabey, and then -- [sees a few bad guys in the alley] Oh, look. There's our guy.

[Chris shoots the 3 bad guys in the alley]

Chris Monsanto:
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. Well, one day, I came home, and I found that Gabey had been brutally slaughtered. The next day, I applied to be a U.S. Marshal to track down his killer. But every now and then, Gabey's sweet little ghost pops up to remind me just why I got into this crazy biz in the first place.

Susie Wagner:
Oh, my god. I have visions, too. Calvin, my college boyfriend and the love of my life. But then, one awful night... [his college boyfriend died] the very next day, I transferred to the Marshal Academy.

Brett Mobley:
Me too. My vengeance guy was Stu. He was my favorite bus boy at my favorite all-you-can-eat-seafood place. I promised I would never eat king crabs' legs again until I found Stu's killer.

Chris Monsanto:
Then why are we wasting our time busting random scumbags when we should be tracking down the murderers of our loved ones?

Brett Mobley:
I'm up for that.

Susie Wagner:
Yeah!

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 hours ago

[after Chris retires, Chris saw his ghost son this night, and goes back into the Marshal's office]

Chris Monsanto:
I'm back. I've got a little unfinished business.

Brett Mobley:
YEAAAAH!

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 hours ago

Chris Monsanto:
Okay, well, adieu, everyone. Time to shred. [chuckles] Okay.

[as Chris shreds his hat and gun, he accidentally shot Pat O'Halloran to death when he put his gun in the shredder]

The Baker:
[who makes cakes honoring Chris' bloodbath of villains he defeated] Guess I'll have to bake another cake.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 hours ago

Chris Monsanto:
And now I must announce with a heavy heart that I am retiring. I've broken old Pat's record, rendering his life completely pointless. And now it's time to hand over the reigns to a new generation.

Susie Wagner:
Oh, we'll do you right, Chris.

Chris Monsanto:
I'm not talking about you, honey. You're already dried up.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 hours ago

Chief:
Congratulations, Monsanto. Your 972nd bloodbath. You beat old Pat O'Halloran's record.

Pat O'Halloran:
[sad] It was all that I had.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 hours ago

Chris Monsanto:
Delivery!

Robber:
I didn't order any food.

Chris Monsanto:
Hey, well, I don't know nothin' about that, bud, but this is the address they gives me.

Robber:
Put it on the desk and get out of here.

Chris Monsanto:
Uh, no can do. No, I got to sees you take a bite. Otherwise, I don't get paid. Sorry. New management. New rules. So...

Robber:
A taste, and then you go.

Chris Monsanto:
Okay, sure, yeah. Just a taste.

[as the robber bites the hero sandwich, Chris shoots the robber with his hero sandwich gun]

Chris Monsanto:
Did someone order a hero...sandwich?

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

Chief:
Don't do anything crazy, you mental. Just tell us your demand.

Robber:
I want $3 million in unmarked bills. You've got 20 minutes, or you can say goodbye to all these nice people in here.

Chief:
The city can't afford that kind of payout.

Brett Mobley:
[to the robber] Okay, you win. Bye-bye, nice people. [to Chief] So, what are we gonna do to fill the rest of the 20 minutes?

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

[Dr. Brule takes a walk at night]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Oh, great. Just great. Another hunk. It's stupid. Who cares. WHO CARES?! I don't care. No one cares about me. [sighs] Maybe I'll get an ice cream. Maybe that'll cheer me up. Nope. Nope. Let me try another one.

Dr. Steve Brule:
3 time's the charm. 3 time's the charm. I guess I'll have another one. Does feel a little bit better. Hair of the dog. Might as well have a four -- Number four. Oh, well. At least I feel better about ice cream. Pretty good. What the heck? Let's make it five. Who am I kidding? All the flavors of ice cream in the world wouldn't take the place of friends.

[Dr. Brule sees a saxophone guy playing]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Look at that cool guy. Maybe this trumpet man will be my friend. I wish I could play the trumpet. Worth a try.

Saxophone Guy:
[thinking] Steve, don't let the turkeys get you down. You gotta fly like an eagle, not...be like a turkey.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Thanks, Trumpet Man.

Saxophone Guy:
Get over it. It's your health. For your health.

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

[Dr. Brule interviews Dr. Davis]

Dr. Steve Brule:
She's a s-- psycho-- psycholagicalist. How can you tell if a person is down in the dumps if you don't even know the person -- If you just met them?

Dr. Davis:
L-Let me -- Let me ask you some questions, okay, and see if you're depressed?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Okay.

Dr. Davis:
Willing to do that? Okay. Do you consider yourself a sad person?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Yes.

Dr. Davis:
And maybe lost interest in things you used to enjoy doing?

Dr. Steve Brule:
I-I don't care.

Dr. Davis:
And what about libido? Is your libido diminished at all?

Dr. Steve Brule:
What's -- What's "Libido"?

Dr. Davis:
Not as sexually active as you once were.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Beggars can't be choosers.

Dr. Davis:
If -- If a patient was telling me that, I'd say they're...showing some signs of depression -- Lack of energy.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Pbhttt. Dang it!

Dr. Davis:
But, you know, there's hope for it. It's very important that you realize that if you're depressed, you can go on medication, you can see a therapist. This is not -- Doctor, this is not something that you should feel...

[Dr. Brule depressingly leaves the set]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Who -- Who even cares about this stupid show? It's just a bunch of punks watching us, anyway.

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

[Dr. Brule shoves his plants]

Dr. Steve Brule:
Maybe I'm depressed.

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

[the next day, after Dr. Brule was sleeping in the Bears Clubhouse's restroom]

Dr. Steve Brule:
What the heck time is it?

[as Dr. Brule came out of the restroom, all of the Bears gang in the bar left except for the bartender]

Dr. Steve Brule:
I guess I really don't have any friends.

Bartender:
Need a ride?

Dr. Steve Brule:
[selfish] I'm gonna take the bus.

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] He took me to the clubhouse of a mombercycle gang called "The Bears", with no girls allowed. At first I was scared, 'cause they looked a little rough. I thought they were gonna beat me up. But they took me in their arms and told me that I was a Bear too. It was the best night of my life.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] We drank rye whiskey. We were laughing, dancing, doing all the stuff that bears do. We even ate some honey. I don't...remember too much after this part.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] I started to get a little bit dizzy from all the dancing. Oh, I got a little tipsy. I had to go to the bathroom.

[Dr. Brule starts to vomit on the toilet]

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] I had to go the bathroom at -- At both ends.

[Dr. Brule starts to poop while vomit in the bathroom]

Dr. Steve Brule:
The heck was in that whiskey? [vomits] STEVE!

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

Dr. Steve Brule:
It's funny to imagine bears riding motorcycles.

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] So, this man called Steve who's not me took me out on his mombercycle. I could tell this Steve was gonna be my best friend forever. We had the same name, for Denny's sake!

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

[Dr. Brule interviews Steve Davis]

Dr. Steve Brule:
You are a real tough guy. I don't know if you knew this, Steve, but I-I'm pretty cool, too. I have a leather jacket of my own.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I don't care.

Dr. Steve Brule:
You're a pretty handsome fellow. You probably get a lot of attention from the ladies. Do you think of yourself as a hunk?

Steve Davis:
No. I like bears.

Dr. Steve Brule:
I like black bears.

Steve Davis:
Really?

Dr. Steve Brule:
[laughing] Yes! They like honey.

Steve Davis:
Very sweet.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Would it -- Would it be possible for you to take me for a ride on your mombercycle?

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

Dr. Steve Brule:
You know, not all friends and friendly and cuddly. Some are tough. Tough guys can be your friends, too. So I looked for the coolest guy in my neighborhood. His name is Mr. Steve Drambis (Steve Davis). Uh-huh. That's right. His first name -- It's the same as mine, Denny. [chuckles] It's spelled the same! [laughing]

Dr. Steve Brule:
[still laughing]

Dr. Steve Brule:
It's exactly the same!

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

Terry Bruge-Hiplo:
And now for tonight's movie resu-- Let's start again.

[cuts to the opening of Movie Reviews]

Terry Bruge-Hiplo:
...night's movie review -- Dumpster's Children, directed by Rimm Hardigan. [reads the reviews] This is a hot, hot movie. I didn't see the ending because I was crying too much. I give it three hot, wet kisses.

Terry Bruge-Hiplo:
This is Terry Bruge-Hiplo saying good day -- [cuts to the ending of Movie Reviews]

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

[Dr. Brule tries to dance with the men who impress women]

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] Everything was moving so fast -- So many lights and smokes -- That I was having a hard time keeping up with the steps.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] I just tried to keep up with the fellas. They were pretty good-natured. A couple guys shoved me.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] The ladies were screaming for me to show 'em my dingus. Then I thought we were all gonna go back to the clubhouse and josh around some more. But all they wanted to do was talk to these ladies that look like my aunt. Pretty disappointing. Made me sad.

Dr. Steve Brule:
You're supposed to by my friends, though, huh?

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] I thought they were just cool guys that were gonna be lifelong friends, but they just turned out to be a bunch of hunks.

Dr. Steve Brule:
Turns out it's just hunks.

Dr. Steve Brule:
[narrating] Who wants to be a hunk?

Dr. Steve Brule:
Pbbbbbt.

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

Dr. Steve Brule:
So, they said, "Steve stick around. We're gonna put on an aerobics show". And I said, "Okay. I don't know the steps, but if you think I can do it, I'll try".

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

Dr. Steve Brule:
I couldn't believe I stumbled into a whole group of the best friends I could ever have. Then we wrestled around a little bit. [chuckles] I dislocated my knee, but I didn't care.

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

[Dr. Steve Brule goes to Hollywood Men to meet friends]

Dr. Steve Brule:
I was just, uh...just trying to make friends, and somebody told me this is -- This is where the men hang out.

Men #1:
All the chicks come and see you and pay lots of money.

Dr. Steve Brule:
We don't have to let the girls into the club. It could just be for boys only. Or men.

Men #1:
No, I don't think so.

Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  Movie Quote

added 3 days ago

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