Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #50

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 5,723 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[Baby Cakes sees bigfoot as a pet who is actually Frank] Baby Cakes: [gasps] A BIGFOOT! YES! THERE IS MAGIC IN THE WORLD BESIDES ME! OH, DAD, GIVE ME A PILE OF PIZZA ROLLS, STAT! Professor Cakes: Hot damn, we're in business. Coming right up. Baby Cakes: [excited] I GOT TO GO DRINK PISS AND SHT! I MEAN, I GOT TO PISS AND DRINK! OH! I'LL BE RIGHT BACK! – China, Il* Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Professor Cakes: Now, listen, in order to keep Baby Cakes from willing himself dead, I need you to act like a magical bigfoot. Frank Smith: He can will himself dead? Professor Cakes: Yeah, it's serious. He didn't eat pizza rolls. And, uh, oh, do not use your voice. I swear to god. Frank Smith: No, this will work. I need a place to hide out until the hair pills wear off. But the box says just a couple of days tops. Professor Cakes: Great. [chuckles] Great. By that time, B.C. will be over playing with you anyway. Where did you find those pills? Frank Smith: This weird Mogwai store in Chinatown. Professor Cakes: Oh, sht, there's a fing Mogwai store? I should have gone there! – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Frank sees Professor Cakes] Frank Smith: YOU F*ING BETTER HAVE BROUGHT SOME TRAIL MIX! – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Professor Cakes: [on phone] Hey, hey, hey! Roy, can you tell Siegfried that he just passed up a sht load of cash for one of your magical fing damn cats! [hangs up] Jesus christ! Baby Cakes: [weakly] I need a magical pet, not the science ape. Keiko the Ape: Professor Cakes, would you mind changing Baby Cakes' sheets again? I think he's enjoying making a mess of them. Professor Cakes: Uh, I'll just go in the woods. Maybe I can, I don't know, [tired] bedazzle a badger. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Frank Smith: So do all the guys who take these pills hide in the woods? Bigfoot Hair Guy: I don't know. I'm not a historian. Look, just whatever you do, don't go down by the river. Frank Smith: W-What's down there? Bigfoot Hair Guy: Nothing -- It's just my place...and I don't like you. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Frank escapes his home after taking some hair pills that turn him into a hair monster] Frank Smith: Why did I run out naked?! And why didn't I pack a f*ing damn bag of food?! F! – China, Il* Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Professor Cakes come home and brought BC a new pet where a gorilla talks] Baby Cakes: THAT APE ISN'T MAGIC, YOU F*ING DAD! Professor Cakes:** Life support? You've only missed a few meals. Wh-Where did all this sht come from? Baby Cakes:* I put myself on it. Keiko the Ape: Seems a little gross and weird in here. And this son of yours is a really big man actually. Is there not a Mom? Professor Cakes: See? She can talk. Isn't that magical? Baby Cakes: DAD! SCIENCE ISN'T MAGIC! YOU'RE ALWAYS COMING AT ME WITH YOUR SCIENCE THINKING IT'S MAGIC -- LIKE REED RICHARS TRYING TO TELL GANDALF WHY A DRAGON EATS APPLES! F* THIS! I'M DYING! Keiko the Ape: [to Prof Cakes] This idiot is gonna will himself dead. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Professor Cakes: Look, I just -- I need something that seems magical. Just an unusual breed or a good-looking f*ed up, uh, for my son. Dean: We got a mouse with a human ear on it, and ear with several mice on it, and a couple of Jack Blacks. Dean: Check out this brilliant octopus. [the octopus solves a rubik's cube] Dean: That little sombitch will make about a cup of oil -- Get a round trip to the grocery store out of that one. Professor Cakes: I don't mean to be rude, but why would think this would work? Dean: [grabs Prof Cakes] What the f* are you, a cop? – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Professor Cakes: Dean, I don't understand. Why are you running the f*ing with animals department? Dean:** The professor I put in charge was a little lax. Besides, UCI is always dealing with animals in one way or another. I thought, why not own it? We do experiments. I try sht out. But mostly I've just been turning animals directly into fuel. Dean:* I skipped that whole fossil fuel part. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Gremlin: [to Frank] Look, I'm gonna stop you right there. If you're here for one of our patented Glass Aquarium Dildos filled with two fighting beta fish, you're too late. We're sold out. I can't keep them. This one right here, this one's the last one. But it's a floor model, and you, you don't want that. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Baby Cakes and Professor Cakes head to the Pet Adoption Center to find a magical pet] Baby Cakes: Dad, these animals are f*ing awful! Professor Cakes: That's not nice, son. They've been through a lot. We should give one a nice home. Oh, come on. Look at that cat. Baby Cakes: His sign says that he has cancer, lupis, and repressed memories. Professor Cakes: Oh, yeah, cancer. Sorry, I didn't see that. UH-OH! LOOK! This dog has an invisible leg! It's, uh, magic! Dog Owner: Oh, that dog bites anything that's warm, fyi. Professor Cakes: Oh, yeah. Right. Well. HO-HO! LOOK! A snake! Nothing is more magical than a snake! Baby Cakes: I hate snakes! They're always shushing me. Come on, just take me to a rainbow, maybe I can score an elf off an irishman. Professor Cakes: Look, son, there are no magic animals, okay? I-I have been playing ball all FING DAY! [the adoption animals whimpers from his loud voice] Professor Cakes:* I'm sorry. L-Listen to this, okay? GROW THE F* UP! Yes? Baby Cakes: [sighs] I guess I needed to hear that. I am post-pubescent and all. Professor Cakes: Good. And, yes, we passed that milestone a while back. Barely. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Baby Cakes: Friends, I wanted to let you know my Dad's about to get me a magical pet so all of you are pretty boring in comparison. Frank Smith: Well, f* you, then friend. But I can see why you'd want to trade in, Pony, I mean, she's glued to her porn or whatever. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Frank Smith: Mm, first thing, right off, I'm taking a monster sht. – China, Il* Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Frank Smith: Oh, what a weird coincidence. With the Dean's million dollars, I went to this celebrity artifact convention and out of spite, I bought the bones of the Elephant Man off of Michael Jackson's kids. I was planning to go back and sell them to blanket now that the love of my life is gonna sht out of The Dean's ass in a few hours. – China, Il* Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Steve Smith: Guys, focus! I-I fired my idea man because he won't help me get more money, and uh, anyway, come on, uh big brow, go. Big Brow: How about we do stars just like how they are? Steve Smith: I don't know what to do with that. Uh, not teeth, whatcha got? Toothless Guy: I'm...thinking...teeth. Steve Smith: Oh, my god! Guy with hamster, go. Guy with Hamster: OH, MILK! MILK, MILK, MILK, MILK! – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Baby Cakes: [pressured while eating a gummy bear] Steve! Steve...Steve, how was your weekend? Steve Smith: Great. Ah, so great, man. I got a lot out of my system, uh, you know, namely semen. Baby Cakes: Let's make this next idea really important. Steve Smith: Yeah, but let's keep it fun. You know, sellable, right? So, hit me. Baby Cakes: Look, don't treat me like an idea faucet, okay? I'm under pressure! Steve Smith: Yeah, but, um, we got to get something going, man. I paid in advance for a trip to Rome...with all the laker girls, so how -- How about -- How about shark...Shark Restaurant, right, or -- Or leg bread? Baby Cakes: BREAD PANTS?! [scoffs] SHARK RESTAURANT?! So f*ing obvious. Okay, look, how about this? [BC shows Steve the elephant man rides he's drawn on the whiteboard] Steve Smith: Huh. I don't know. Baby Cakes: DON'T STIFLE MY CREATIVITY! I WANT TO DO ELEPHANT MAN RIDES BECAUSE IT'S ODD! Steve Smith: Look, it can't work, alright?! And Bread Pants was your idea! Baby Cakes: Oh, well, maybe you should just try to keep UP with me! Steve Smith: Fine, you know, I'm not gonna argue with you when you're like this. Baby Cakes: You know what?! You're out, Steve! Steve Smith: F* YOU! I-I AM OUT! – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Golden Bowl: Gummies -- They had us all saying, "We're gonna need a bigger throat"! We had gummy scooters, gummy calendars, gummy morphine! It was great! Until it made us all fat, diabetic, and addicted to refined sugar death food. The FDA has called an immediate halt to all 3-D gummy sales, pretty much taking all the money back from the two idiots who made this sht. [referring to Steve and BC] – China, Il* Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[after Steve got drunk last night on a yacht when Steve & BC made their Gummy World company happened a week ago] Steve Smith: [on phone] B.C., oh, man. I'm so glad you called. I am way out of money. Maybe we can figure out a way to get more. Baby Cakes: The FDA's shutting down Gummy World. It's all over, Steve. It's all over. Steve Smith: Oh f*, that was a fast week. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Frank goes to a convention center] Frank Smith: Hey, hi. Um, just to get, like, a ballpark, how much is that Burnt Reynolds pube? Pubis Guy: His name is Burt, not "Burnt", and it's 10K. Frank Smith: Alright, the, um, what would you give me for this? [shows him Julia Robert's pube] Pubis Guy: Oh. That...That's Julia's! Frank Smith: Yeah, I know. So, how much? Pubis Guy: Look, uh, uh, I-I'll give you 25K for her right now. Come on, let me have her. [Frank sees the Pubis Guy facial features for a second and realizes that the Pubis Guy is a total creep] Frank Smith: No, no, no, okay. Oh, no, this is wrong! – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Baby Cakes: Steve, I need you so I can get awesome! Come on, I do the ideas, and you make 'em happen just like the old days! Steve Smith: Uh, this is gonna be a can of worms, but, you know, old time's sake, let's do it. Baby Cakes: Yes! Okay, alright. How about a shark-only restaurant? How about a shark-only restaurant? Steve Smith: Yeah, next. Baby Cakes: Okay, how about elephant man rides? Steve Smith: Wait, are we talking about the actual Elephant Man or, like...do you mean he's real like a -- Like a human being? Baby Cakes: No, man, he's dead. He's a human been. Steve Smith: But what, um, what would people ride on? Baby Cakes: Dude, The Elephant Man! Steve Smith: Yeah, okay, next. Baby Cakes: Well, I guess there's Gummy World. Steve Smith: Wait, what's that? Baby Cakes: Well, reality is too hard, and when it bites you, you don't even get to eat it back, so in Gummy World, everything is made out of what gummy ears are made of. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Pony: Sammy is a dick. She is so mean to Kim. Seems like she's obsessed or something. Steve Smith: Eh, Sammy probably just hates Kim because she's pretty. Pony: Oh, god, you're always like, "women hate each other", and "no two women in all of history have ever been friends". You should work on your feminism a little. Steve Smith: Oh, I'm a feminist. [chuckling] I'm not stupid. Girls won't f* you if you're not a feminist. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Young Steve: My priorities are my hair, girls, yachts, hanging and banging, and thinking about girls. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Frank Smith: I can't believe the easter bunny was real. Baby Cakes: Hey, sometimes, a thing is. It just isn't to you. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[after Quimberly got her brain back, she turns back to normal] Quimberly: Steve, let me tell you something. You're shallow, dunk, sex-addicted asshole, and we're over. Pony: She dumped you? Steve Smith: Yeah, power of Christ. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago

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