Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #54

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 5,723 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Frank Smith: So, um, B.C., uh, is this facility...like Cancun...or, like...Vietnam? Baby Cakes: It's Jurassic Park. But Mom messes with people instead of dinosaurs. She says people have demons in them. They're called hormones. Frank Smith: [takes off his shades in a wtf moment] – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Dr. Falgot: B.C., your parents have been divorce for 20 years. Maybe, get over it. Don't make 'em feel bad. Be nice. Dean: Please, if God wanted us to be nice to each other, he'd have had the romans give Jesus a massage. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Steve Smith: So, I've been looking over all our paperwork and Illinois tax laws. And it made just make more sense financially if I become the head of this household. Steve's Mom: [flirting] Well. My, my, my. [chuckles] I mean, if you think it'll save the house. Who cares about titles, right? Steve's Dad: Oh, come on, guys. I don't know. That -- That really makes me feel, you know, marginalized, I -- Steve Smith: You're still the Dad. I'm just sort of the Dad...on paper. Steve's Mom: Steve's fixed it! I'm so proud of you. [smooches his son] You're my hero. [giggles] Steve's Dad: Okay. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Baby Cakes: Well, my Mom's gonna tell me she and Dad are gonna get remarried. Then I can finally start growing into a man. Dean: Yeah, a man should be a killing and screwing thing. But it can all go away in a second. So don't take it for granted. Nature is a btch! Baby Cakes:* I heard that nature was just like a really hard video game. Gotta keep on dyin' and restartin' until you master it. Dean: I get that. That makes sense to me. Frank Smith: No, that does not make sense. Dr. Falgot: [tired] Boy, I mean... – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Frank: So, Dean, why are you going to B.C.'s Mom's? Dean: Who do you think gives funding to Doctor Mother's testosterone research? Dr. Falgot: That's right, and as a medical doctor, I'm coming along to sign off on her sht. Frank:* Hey, I hear that there are a lot of females. [chuckles] I hope we got what it takes to screw 'em all, right, Dean? Dean: [defensive] Hey! It's not like I have Low T. No way! Cut me, and you'll get a jet of Hot T. Spraying you in the face. Okay? Dr. Falgot: Dean, what the hell are you talking about? – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Steve Smith: Dad, you seem, I don't know, down, or...flaccid -- Or down, down is better. Steve's Dad: Steve, my boy, when a man gets to be my age, he just...accepts life more, you know? Steve's Mom: Well he needs to get on that testosterone medicine. You know he's got low T. Steve's Dad: No. It's just, uh...son, we gotta sell the house. It's -- It's a bummer, I -- Steve Smith: No, no, you cannot sell the house that me and Frank grew up in. I'm sure I can fix this. Steve's Mom: Yes! That's the spirit. [to Steve's Dad] Ya see, ward? – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Frank Smith: GOD! I don't want to do Parents Day. Professor Cakes: I got an idea. Go with the boy. Yeah! The island is great. Frank Smith: I don't know, man. I got, like...websites to look at... f* I don't know. I'm lost. Baby Cakes: Frank, the island is crawling with females. Frank Smith: [singing] Sex weekend! – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Professor Cakes: [to Baby Cakes] Now don't go trying to set me back up with your mother. [chuckling] Okay? Hey, f*er, okay? Baby Cakes: I guess. Professor Cakes: Guess what? What are you thinking? Baby Cakes: I can't express my private feelings with public words. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Pony: It's Parents Day's tomorrow and I'm in charge of the party. I've planned an outdoor brunch and then a reception. Frank Smith: Christ, I don't want to deal with Mom and Dad tomorrow. Steve Smith: Ah, Frank. Look, Pony your Mom and Dad are gonna be in from Detroit, right? Let's all just do dinner. Pony: Oh, no. I did not invite them. Frank Smith: The school automatically invites the parents of all faculty and staff, so... Pony: No! They'll start a mexican picnic! It'll take over the whole campus! [tries to call his Dad] Damn! Dad's voicemail. It must be too late. Baby Cakes: Well, I won't be there for the fiesta. 'Cause I'm traveling to see my Mom tomorrow. And I just know it's because she's gonna tell me that she and Dad are getting back together. Yeaaaaah... – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Baby Cakes: I figure it out! I figured it all out, man! Mayor: Shut up, you deviant anchovy eater! Billy: No, no, no. Baby Cakes is a deviant bi-topper. Pony: No! Let the bi guy speak! It's time to get proactive for the Bi's. I swear to god, if you don't listen, I'll wind your scrots round my arm like taffy. Baby Cakes: You heard her -- Be peaceful. Yeah, be peaceful like Quakers. Like Quaker scrots. Baby Cakes: Who cares why people choose stuff? Maybe DNA, maybe not. Maybe you just want to be someone else for a day. What I mean is -- Alright, here's a metaphor. If a guy chooses to marry another guy, he should be able to, right? Mayor: Well, of course. Baby Cakes: Right. So, I'm 95% of the time a pepperoni guy, but some days, I see an anchovy, and I want him in my mouth. And it's that freedom of choice that we need to protect, not science. Science is dumb. Mayor: [crying] Oh, my god! Amen! LET'S ALL EAT PIZZA! BOTH KINDS! IN THE CHURCH! All: [cheering] Crystal: Yeah, I want mushrooms! [record scratches] Baby Cakes: That is f*ing disgusting. I'm glad they got you locked up, you sick-ass bit. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Mayor sent the teachers and students in the police station for having a secret club of putting different toppings together on pizzas] Mayor: Book this perverts on lewd behavior! – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Frank meets Crystal in the conjugal room in the police station] Frank Smith: Uh, okay, look. I wanted to thank you for covering my classes. [inhales sharply] I'm here to make it right. Crystal: Whoa. That's not -- Frank Smith: I know. I know. I just used this conjugal visit so I could get in here and thank you -- AAH! [Frank takes out his bloody saw knife on table knowing what he actually had to do in his undies and give a real thank you to Crystal] Frank Smith: [strained] Thank you. Crystal: Oh, god! White Police Officer: Crystal, we examined all the evidence, and it's clear you killed that guy in self-defense. You're free to go. Crystal: YES! White Police Officer: W-- Uh...why do you have a weapon in here? Crystal: What?! The saw -- No. That was -- White Police Officer: I'm afraid we're gonna have to keep you for questioning. Frank Smith: [leaves quietly] Namaste. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Golden Bowl: [on TV] Breaking news. Pony: Why is still going when no more want? Golden Bowl: [on TV] Because anchovy-rights people put their entire argument on the gene thing, the Mayor feels completely legitimized in revoking all the rights from the anchovy eaters, banning anchovy eating anywhere, including their homes. Golden Bowl: [on TV] Yes, the rounding up and detaining of registered anchovy eaters, heretofore known as A.E.S, began early this morning, and the Mayor has put them all in jail for re-education. Pony: [sighs] Now I got to put on my f*ing pants. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Frank Smith: You ready? You have my lyrics? [Flower Delivery Guy knocks on Crystal's door to sing her a thank you song from Frank] Crystal: Can I help you? Flower Delivery Guy: [singing] This singing telegram thank you song. Sweet, sweet, Crystal Peppers! You are a wonderful replacement penis. Thank you, tha-- [Crystal closes the door on him] Flower Delivery Guy: I've never failed to complete a delivery! THIS SONG ISN'T OVER! [straight up kicks Crystal's door] Crystal: AAH! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! Flower Delivery Guy: [follows her while singing] Thank you for covering my class, you great example for the trans community, if, indeed, you are a trans. This is singing telegram thank you song. Sweet, sweet, Crystal Pe-- [Crystal shoots the Flower Delivery Guy] Frank Smith: [inhales sharply knowing for what he did wrong to the delivery guy] – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[since one of students and teachers ate different types of pizza with both at the same time, it then turns into a bi club] Sammy: That's right. Feel free to explore your appetite. Choose your pleasure. Baby Cakes: I'm so ashamed, but it feels so right! Sammy: Desire's a spectrum. Some of you are lifetime bi-toppers. Some are bi-curious. Some have the gene, but they want their pepperoni, too. Some don't have the gene, but choose the anchovy when they are drunk. [Mayor rushes in into their secret hideout with police by his side] Mayor: Look at these sick monsters hiding their sick secrets! It IS a choice! They lied about the gene! Mayor pissed! – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Frank tackles the Flower Deliver Guy in a hiding spot from giving the bouquet to Crystal] Frank Smith: Dude, you just don't get it. That woman did me a favor, and I've taken two weeks to thank her. Flower Delivery Guy: I get it. And I'm in. Frank Smith: No, you are not in. Frank Smith: Actually, what do you got, like, broad-stroke ideas? – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Baby Cakes sees another different topping of pizza] Baby Cakes: [in awe] What is that? Stacy: This is Ryan Gosling anchovy pizza. Baby Cakes: MINE! [steals the whole dish that Stacy was eating while laughing maniacally] – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Steve Smith: [celeb accent] Mmm. I want to gas mask that muffin. Pony: Dude, get your molesterol checked. Steve Smith: [celeb accent] [scoffs] No limoncello. Place blows. Baby Cakes: You talking about that hummingbird food that Danny Devito drinks? Steve Smith: [celeb accent] Ah, celeb stuff. You wouldn't understand. Frank Smith: Who the f* are you? Steve Smith: Me? Uh, I don't know. Maybe I'm the friend of the kid of a very famous real-estate agent. Frank Smith: Uh, you're the dick who hangs out with a gang of toads who are not celebs. – China, Il** Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[while Kim leaves] Trump's Kid: Oh, I'm gonna eat her bread like a cake, Steve. Steve Smith: If you were a fish, you'd be a catfish. Trump's Kid: Why's that, dog? Steve Smith: [joking around] 'Cause you a bottom feeder! – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Trump's Kid: Whoa. Check that bit with the tight-ass skeletal frame wearing that hella flame. Steve Smith: Flame? Trump's Kid: Flame is celeb talk for makeup. [Steve sees on his students dancing] Steve Smith: Oh, no, dawg. That -- That's my student Kim. I'd spit that bit. Trump's Kid: Quick lesson about me -- When I scope a fashionable girl all blazed out with flame tottering on a sick-ass thinly frame, I hit the ground [bleep]. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Steve buys a limoncello] Steve Smith: [to Waitress] Hey, uh, here's a starter tip 'cause, uh, this might suck for you. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Pony: B.C., you can't like both toppings. We just proved that you either have the anchovy gene or you don't. Baby Cakes: I don't know. Both felt right. Billy: Oh, I see what's going on here. B.C. is just a repressed full-on anchovy eater, like I was before. Pony: It makes sense. If he wants anchovies, he must have the anchovy gene, right? Billy: His love for pepperoni -- It's all been a lie. Baby Cakes: Then I'm the greatest liar ever. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Mayor: [on TV] In light of recent science, Mayor must allow anchovy eating in church. BUT! Mayor will only allow those with an anchovy gene to eat this sht here. Or anywhere else in China! Professor Cakes:* Uh-oh. We set off something bad. Professor Cakes: Ah, well. – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Flowers Woman: Hello. 1-800-Flowers. How may I -- Frank Smith: [interrupt] I got 30 bucks. What can I get? Flowers Woman: Well, um, okay. It seems we have only one bouquet under $40. Frank Smith: Credit card number is 4507-3300-0000-0022. Expiration 02/18. Flowers Woman: Let me give you a confirmation number. Frank Smith: Just send it to 679 Oak Street, China, Illinois, 60010 asap, okay? We done? Flowers Woman: Uh, sure. We'll get that "I love you more than anything" bouquet right out. Frank Smith: WAIT! NO! NO! NO! THAT COULD BE CONSTRUED AS ROMANTIC! AAH! [hangs up] [Frank calls another flower employee] Flowers Guy: 1-800-Flow-- Frank Smith: Hey, I need to cancel an order I just made! Flowers Guy: Greta. Can I get a confirmation number? Frank Smith: I DON'T HAVE THAT YOU NAZI! PLEASE! Flowers Guy: Well, I can transfer you to a local delivery. Frank Smith: Yes! Do it! [Flowers Delivery Guy takes his place as his caller] Flowers Delivery Guy: Local Flower Delivery, how may I -- Frank Smith: Hey, listen, I got to cancel an order. Flowers Delivery Guy: Whoa! You're breaking the protocol. Now...how may I help you today? Frank Smith: I need to cancel an order for Frank Smith. Flowers Delivery Guy: Can I get the confirmation number? Frank Smith: [sarcastic] Oh, shoot. I've misplace it. Darn. Flowers Delivery Guy: Sorry. No confirmation, no nothing. Frank Smith: AAH! YOU CAT SHT! HELP ME!! CANCEL IT!! Flowers Delivery Guy:* I've never failed in completing a delivery, and this "I love you more than anything" bouquet will make it to Crystal Peppers, PERIOD! Frank Smith: [kick and bangs the table several times] OH, MY GOD!! GODDAMN IT! GAAH! – China, Il Movie Quote	added 2 months ago

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