Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #51

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,718 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Therapist:
Pony, don't you think your aggression to Steve might be related to your dead husband?

[Pony still looking at his phone]

Therapist:
Uh, news flash -- You can't fix Pony by fixing Steve.

Pony:
Genius! Hold on. Let's see. Baby Cakes is Steve's life coach, and Frank is Baby Cakes' life coach, so...

Therapist:
I'm afraid your hostility towards him is alarming. And given you can handle death with such a blase manner, I need to recommend that you stay in a facility so to ensure Steve's safety.

Pony:
[doesn't care] Cool. Cool.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Frank sees Baby Cakes nude in his classroom]

Frank Smith:
Oh, my god! You're nude?!

Baby Cakes:
[realizes] Ooh! I'm naked. Oh, well.

Frank Smith:
[sighs] I was supposed to make you normal, but you're still just a lobotomized Shrek.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Dean slice Quimberly's brain to find out if she plays checkers]

Professor Cakes:
Honestly, you're not even going after kids who look like checker players.

Dean:
Don't judge a brain by its cover!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Eatser Bunny:
[while throwing easter eggs around the school and campus] TERRITORY MARKED!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Steve cooks some chocolate eggs]

Quimberly:
Organic?

Steve Smith:
Hardly. I didn't think I'd crap enough for all these plants, but these eggs [stomach grumbles] ...they kind of grow.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Therapist:
So, Pony, we've found some things out. You're ashamed of your heritage. You are developing a drinking problem. You're poor.

Pony:
Oh, you got all your little pigeons in all you little holes, don't you?

Therapist:
Mm-hmm. Not about me right now.

Pony:
Well, Steve is really the one who should be here. He won't let himself get close to someone. He dates girls for only, like, two weeks. What a dick.

Therapist:
Still, even more importantly, I don't think you've properly dealt with the grief over the early death of your husband Johnny Merks. Have you shared this with anyone. That was, what, right out of high school?

Pony:
Yeah, yeah, Johnny died in a boating thing. I mean, it sucks, but it's life.

Therapist:
Well, still that not a -- Yeah, let's not blow pass that, 'cause that's really big.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Baby Cakes coaches Steve]

Baby Cakes:
What's up, Steve?! Hey, time to um -- Time to -- Time to take that party up a notch, my man!

Steve Smith:
Awesome! Party coach!

Quimberly:
Um, energy?

Baby Cakes:
Yeah! So, the big new party move is...we got to go sh*t in all the potted plants around campus!

Steve Smith:
What?

Baby Cakes:
Shut up and do as I say. Or else, you are a Chris Brown.

Steve Smith:
[bleep] damn it. Quimberly, I got to go party.

Baby Cakes:
Party! Yeah! We'll go get you a belly full of magical eggs, and then you're gonna sh*t in some plants!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Frank coaches Baby Cakes in BC's room]

Frank Smith:
God, it's so stuffy in here! You know you have a ceiling fan, right?

Baby Cakes:
I try not to look up so I won't break the fourth wall of God's TV.

Frank Smith:
Whatever. Just walk me through your day.

Baby Cakes:
Well, I have one small glass of vodka mixed with sweet and sour sauce every hour on the hour from my padme cup.

Frank Smith:
Oh, my god. You're a mindless hog. Okay, then what?

Baby Cakes:
Then I do two things that keep a horrible villain from appearing on campus. First, I eat seven scrambled chocolate eggs.

Frank Smith:
Okay. Then?

Baby Cakes:
Then, oh, then...I sh*t in all the potted plants around campus.

Frank Smith:
Okay, THAT is the first thing you stop doing.

Baby Cakes:
I'm serious! [shows him a picture of the easter bunny] He's magic.

Frank Smith:
Wha-- The easter bunny?

Baby Cakes:
I don't know. He's rabbit-looking and bunny-acting, friend of Jesus Christ.

Frank Smith:
Yeah, he's a fictional character.

Baby Cakes:
Well, I claim our territory by sh*tting in the plants. If I don't, he'll show up and claim this territory as his, and I don't want that.

Frank Smith:
Well, I didn't want to burn down my hoard house, but neither of us want to be Chris Browns.

Baby Cakes:
Hey, who is he by the way?

Frank Smith:
Chris Brown is a cannibal who eats people in parked cars.

Baby Cakes:
Whoa, okay, yeah, I don't want any part of being Chris Brown.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Pony:
Wait, what are these two big chunks of time scheduled out of every single day?

Frank Smith:
Oh, those are upkeep and gathering for my...hoarding house.

[Pony and Frank checks Frank's old house with all of his hoarding stuff]

Frank Smith:
Yeah, so, this, um, uh -- This is all my real stuff. I spend most of my time and, uh, money...on this.

[pans to the next scene where Pony burns all of Frank's belongings inside his old house]

Frank Smith:
[sobbing] THAT'S ALL MY STUFF!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Pony:
[checks Frank's laptop] Why have you listened to Christina Aguilera's "I Am Beautiful" 902 times?

Frank Smith:
Oh, that's my morning ritual. I put on Christy and do naked tantric anger exercises in the mirror. See, I stand really still, erecting a monster hard-on, but I don't touch it. I just look at it while it grows, and I shout the words of the song!

Frank Smith:
Then, I shower and masturbate to thoughts of you and Nazi Germany.

Pony:
...

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Pony:
Okay, you've got total access to my life. Coach me to stop all my bad sh*t and to do new good sh*t.

Steve Smith:
Dude, I don't really have anything.

Pony:
[scoffs] You suck! If I drew your name, I'd hit you with tons of criticism.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Dean:
What's that over there?

Professor Cakes:
Oh, no. Um...this is a cadaver brain. I've been accessing the memories through advanced scanning I've only been monitoring from the screen. I'm developing this helmet, but it's, uh, still experimental. It's highly unsafe, and --

[Dean grabs the helmet to put into his head]

Dean:
[french accent] I cannot believe this s**t!

Professor Cakes:
[gasps] You have the brain's attributes.

Dean:
Sure, now I know stupid, useless french, and I can play dumb, damn accordion, but this dead french f*** doesn't know anything about checkers!

Professor Cakes:
Wait! Wait! Unplugging it might damage your brains. I tried to warn you!

Dean:
[french accent] Your so worthless!

Professor Cakes:
No. N-no comprendo.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Dean:
Awesome brain lab. You gonna shock me?

Professor Cakes:
No, no, no. Uh, can you do me a favor? Just sit here and look at this checkers website for kids. It -- It may --

Dean:
Aw, you've got to scroll down?! F*** this! It's too much.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Steve Smith:
God, I got to break up with this Quimberly girl. Her two weeks are up.

Baby Cakes:
Hey, we're gonna be life coaches!

Pony:
Write your names on these post-its, and you'll be coaching who you draw.

Baby Cakes:
I get...Steve!

Steve Smith:
Yes! You're gonna be my new party coach.

Baby Cakes:
Yes!

Frank Smith:
[pulls out a name and gets BC] OF COURSE! I get the hardest job!

Pony:
Well, then I get Frank.

Steve Smith:
Oh, then I get Pony. No, no, no, this is a bad idea.

Pony:
Come on. This will be good for us.

Steve Smith:
I don't think friends should say "should" or "shouldn't" to friends.

Pony:
Well, according to this Marie Claire interview with Chris Brown, that's the same thing he would say. You want to be Chris Brown?

Steve Smith:
Of course not!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Baby Cakes:
So, the college put me on probation again.

Frank Smith:
What for?

Baby Cakes:
Oh, you know, sh*tting in all the potted plants around campus.

Frank Smith:
What?!

Pony:
See, okay, that's just the type of thing I'd fix if we tried this thing I'm reading about where friends can be life coaches for each other.

Baby Cakes:
Hey, my life is awesome already.

Pony:
Sure, but, with a few tweaks, we can make out lives even better -- Like change this little thing or that bad habit.

Frank Smith:
Well, I'll do it because, one, I want a History Channel Special, and, two, I can't get girls to...I just can't get girls. My life sucks.

Baby Cakes:
[to Pony] So, what happens when we figure it all out? I bet nothing.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Steve Smith:
Quimberly...you know, we've been seeing each other for about two weeks now, but I'm not sure we're...connecting.

Quimberly:
Um, energy? Space. Organic. Right? More like...it tends to, like, holistic.

Steve Smith:
[to himself] Got to stop dating people for their looks.

Quimberly:
[does seduction by doing yoga] Mm...so, um...veggies.

Steve:
Mm...yeah, who am I to judge?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Dean:
My brain sucks.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Matt and Flip sees Dean and Mayor playing checkers]

Flip Flop:
Damn, dog, this game's intense.

Matt Attack:
There's only, like, 10 moves in checkers.

Matt Attack:
Hey, Cakes, come teach us neuroscience like you're supposed to.

Professor Cakes:
Shut up, kid. I got 50 bucks riding on this game.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Baby Cakes rolls a die on a 20 to kill Pony from the game]

Pony:
No, no, no! Please, please, please don't! Okay. I like the game. I-I need it. Look, I loved that it was just about friends in a room imagining together. That's why my book club was supposed to be, but nobody ever showed up.

Pony:
My real life was fake, and you're fake life gave me something real. Are you really gonna take that away.

[imaginary scene intensifies where Baby Cakes is thinks about Pony's truce for a second]

Baby Cakes:
YEP! [slices Pony's head off]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Steve Smith:
Then it was Gale and me in that movie theater, and uh, it was noon showing of some bullsh*t, and there was no one in there, so were just, like, whumpin' on each other. Well, I guess that brings us to...present day, you know, right here, Karen.

Karen:
Wow, Steve, this has been the strangest first date...that I've ever been on. Uh, first, it's been days. Uh, secondly, we haven't left your apartment. And third, uh, w-why are you wearing a hospital gown?

Steve Smith:
Why aren't you wearing yours?

Karen:
I can't wait to tell people about this. You're crazy. [leaves]

Steve Smith:
You're not crazy enough.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Zac Efron:
Round 10 -- No action.

Golden Bowl:
And here's something for the kids -- Mr. Six from Six Flags just dancing and...and dancing.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Zac Efron:
Getting a lot of attention, we got Emma Stone hopping on one foot, playing the other leg like a guitar.

Golden Bowl:
Seems like she's unaware that this has been done countless times since guitars were invented. Really, I mean, come on. Still, crowd fave.

Zac Efron:
Oh, and here comes Ice T -- Famous for killing cops. Nope, scratch that -- Portraying cops, portraying cops.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Steve Smith:
Then I...screwed it up with Louise, then I screwed it up with Heather, and Heather said, "You're a pig, Steve", and after that, I really couldn't watch "Babe - Pig in The City" without crying and feeling guilty. Oh, man.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Golden Bowl:
Zac, who else has shown up for this travesty?

Zac Efron:
Well, it looks like Tarantino and Sam Jackson showed up in matching kangol hats. Ooh, Sam Jackson's hat was just knocked off by a passerby, and it looks like -- Looks like he has a kangol tattoo.

Golden Bowl:
Looks like we got a non-famous hobbit back in his hobbit costume.

Zac Efron:
Sitting in ringside seats, we got the Ghost of Alan Rickman right next to the Living Alan Rickman. Neither fazed.

Golden Bowl:
And Fred Savage is trading hard on that name, now dressing like Macho Man Randy Savage.

Zac Efron:
And we're getting first glimpse of Rupert Murdoch's new Robocop body. Here's to many more years on top, Roop.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

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