Wikidude's Quotes Page #244

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude  —  There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Cliff:
(singing) # Got a roving eye and that is why she satisfies my soul. #

Mike, Vyvyan, Rick, Neil:
(singing) # fies my soul! #

Vyvyan:
"Fies my soul"?

Rick:
Yes, "fies my soul". It's raunchy, Vyvyan.

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Neil:
What d'you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Vyvyan:
(Shouting backstage to Kate Bush) Back in a tickle, Katy baby! HA HA! I've just gotta do this number one song with Shaky Stevens. Right, good evening, bastards!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Neil:
Don't do the song, right, I've got some really heavy news about Cliff that's gonna completely blow your mi... what's that smell?

Rick & Vyvyan:
Neil, go away!

[Audience awws.]

Neil:
Don't patronise me, you bastards! Oh, yeah, let's all sit in rows and ruin Neil's evening!

Rick:
What's the message, Neil?

Neil:
Oh, yeah, the message about Cliff, right, er... Cliff's blown out the gig.

Rick:
What? You mean he's... farted?

Neil:
No, no, Cliff can't come.

Rick:
Why?

Neil:
He's doing time.

Rick:
They put him in prison for farting?! Right on!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Mike:
We don't want you in the song anymore.

Rick:
What? What?!

Mike:
I simply said we don't want you in the song...

Rick:
Yes, yes, yes, but why?

Vyvyan:
(From backstage) Because you're total and utter crap!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Neil:
Look, everyone, he's coming through the doors.

Vyvyan:
BRILLIANT! He didn't even open them!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Vyvyan:
It's fantastic! The streets are completely filled with screaming children!

Neil:
All for Cliff!

Vyvyan:
Well, not exactly, Neil... a bomb's gone off.

Mike:
You mean you let a bomb off, Vyvyvan.

Vyvyan:
Look, what I had for breakfast is completely my own affair thank you, Michael.

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

[After a bank job. Everyone jumps into Vyvyan's car. But he drives it directly into a lamp-post.]

Vyvyan:
[hysterical] Oh, what have I done?! [sobs]

Mike:
C'mon, Vyv, there's no time for that now.

Vyvyan:
My car! My beautiful, beautiful car!

Rick:
Oh, no, it's the pigs! This is it, guys! I'll see you later! [exits the car]

Neil:
[to Rick] Yellow chicken!

Mike:
[to Vyvyan, who's still crying] You've got to forget about your car, Vyvyan! Start life again without it. After all, you've still got S.P.G.

Vyvyan:
I don't think so, Michael. He was asleep on the radiator!

[S.P.G. is crushed on the grill of the car. Bagpipe music plays as he floats above the car wearing angel wings and a halo.]

S.P.G.:
See you later, you little whimp.

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Rick:
Don't think I don't know exactly who drew that thingy-ma-jig on the back on my curriculum vitae.

Vyvyan:
Well, they like to know what your hobbies are, Rick.

Rick:
Well, all I can say Vyvyan, is that tiny things please tiny minds.

Vyvyan:
Yeah, and with a thing that tiny you're gonna be hard put to please anything!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

(When asked about his night he spent with the girl, but he has no recollection of what happened.)

Rick:
(awkward) Well... it was... sort of... sort of... sexy.

Vyvyan:
Oh, God. I think I'm gonna be violently and copiously sick.

Neil:
Go into really lengthy and vivid detail about the whole thing.

Vyvyan:
Well, I'm gonna bend over and open my mouth. And wait for the muscles of my alimentary canal to go into spasm...

Neil:
No, not you, Vyvyan! Rick.

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Neil:
Oh, what's the time?

Mike:
Vyv, here's your chance. [Shows him his watch.] See the big hand there?

Vyvyan:
Yeah.

Mike:
That's on the two, right.

Vyvyan:
Yep.

Mike:
And the little hand is on that one there just before the twelve, now what's that one?

Vyvyan:
Eleven?

Mike:
Perfectly excellent. So what's the time?

Vyvyan:
Er... half past five!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Vyvyan:
QUICK! GET THE STIRRUPS! I'M GONNA HAVE MY BABY NOW!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Vyvyan:
[clutching his stomach] OH! OH NO! The contractions are starting! I'm gonna have a baby!

Neil:
Quick, quick, Mike, Mike! Get some boiling towels... er, Rick, clean water. Vyvyan, Vyvyan, sit down, take the weight off your feet.

Rick:
What d'you mean "sit down"?! There aren't any chairs!

Mike:
Yeah, and all the towels have been burnt.

Neil:
Oh, no! We've got to buy some furniture for Vyvyan, quickly!

Rick:
We can't! We haven't got any money! Vyvyan's baby will be a pauper! Oliver Twist! Geoffrey Dickens! Back to Victorian values! [to camera] I hope you're satisfied, Thatcher!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

[Rick is warming himself by the broken fridge while Vyvyan is lying on a bed.]

Rick:
I was wondering if you'd thought of a name for your baby yet?

Vyvyan:
Shut Up or Piss Off!

Rick:
Oh, that's charming, isn't it?

Vyvyan:
No, no, those are the two names I'm considering. I mean, they'll be really handy in later life for getting into fights and things. Oh! Oh, it's kicking.

[His stomach moves rapidly up and down. Rick looks fascinated.]

Rick:
Er, Vyvyan. Would it be alright... I mean... can I have a bit... a bit of a listen?

Vyvyan:
Yeah, help yourself. You can hear it kicking.

Rick:
[Placing his ear on Vyvyan's bare stomach] I can't hear anything... all I can hear is... OW! [Vyvyan's stomach twitches violently, knocking Rick upwards.]

Vyvyan:
[Patting his stomach] That's my boy!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Neil:
Oh, have we got a video!

Vyvyan:
If anyone else asks me that question I'm gonna stick their head through the window!

Neil:
Vyv? Have we got a video?

Vyvyan:
Right... come this way, Neil.

[He walks over to the window and literally pulls it off the wall. He then walks over to Neil.]

Vyvyan:
Sideways on. [Neil turns sideways.] Thank you.

[He smashes the window over Neil's head. But Neil merely looks confused.]

Neil:
I still don't understand. I still don't understand. Does that mean we've got one or not?

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Vyvyan:
It's a video nasty!

Rick:
It's a carpet, farty!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Harry the Bastard:
You owe me five hundred quid.

Vyvyan, Rick, Neil, Mike:
Well, what a complete bastard!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Vyvyan:
Where were we?... Ah, yes. Virgin.

Rick:
Yeah. Argh!

Vyvyan:
(chases Rick up the stairs) Virgin! Virgin!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Mike:
Ah, well. Boing!

(Jumps in the air and motions Rick and Vyvyan to do the same. The two exchange looks before following suit.)

Rick & Vyvyan:
(Jumping) Boing!

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Neil's Mother:
Dear me, what a... what a ghastly smell!

Neil:
Yeah, that's Vyvyan, Mummy. He's going to be a doctor.

Vyvyan:
How d'you do!

Neil's Mother:
Oh, fascinating! I think I'm going to be sick.

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Rick:
Amazulu.

S.P.G.:
Oh, is that right? I'm a Glaswegian.

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Sully:
How do you do it everyday?

Yokas:
I just think of him as one of my kids. Puts it in whole new perspective.

Sully:
Most kids grow up.

Third Watch, Season 1  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Mike:
I don't know what it is, but every time I pull at Neil's ankles big flakes of crusty skin come off underneath my fingernails.

Vyvyan:
That's only his cornflakes, Michael. He keeps them in his socks to stop me from stealing them.

Rick:
What a nerdy! [to audience] I just initial mine individually with sticky labels.

Vyvyan:
[to audience] That doesn't worry me. I just eat the labels as well.

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Mike:
Neil, have you upset the neigbours?

Neil:
No, Mike, I've blown them up.

Rick:
Phew! And who said Sunday was day of rest?

Vyvyan:
God did.

Rick:
That's right! I knew it was someone Tory.

The Young Ones, Series 2  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

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