Wikidude's Quotes Page #5,328

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude  —  There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Young Richard:
Late again, Tommy. You're pathetic.

Young Tommy:
Shut up, Richard!

Tommy Boy  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Tommy is bullcharging across campus as he is late to a final exam. He makes it just as the professor is handing out exam sheets

Question #1:
Some of the Framers of the United States Constitution included Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and _____ Hancock.

Tommy:
(writes down) Herbie.

Tommy Boy  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Tommy:
[gets off the airplane] Richard Hayden!

Richard:
Tommy.

Tommy:
Where's my Dad? I thought he was supposed to pick me up at the airport?

Richard:
He was at the airport this morning, but you weren't on the plane.

Tommy:
He said he had a surprise for me.

Richard:
Maybe. I guess that's why you should've called.

Tommy:
I did call, earlier, when... using the phone.

Richard:
Earlier? When was that?

Tommy:
Er... later... When, when then I, I left a message.

Richard:
A message? What number did you call?

Tommy:
Two... four.. niner... five, six seven...

Richard:
I can't hear you, you're trailing off. And did I hear a "niner" in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?

Tommy:
No, it was cordless.

Richard:
You know what? Don't. Not here, not now.

Tommy:
Did you hear I finally graduated.

Richard:
Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right.

Tommy:
Hey, you know a lot of people go to college for seven years.

Richard:
I know. They're called doctors. [looks behind Tommy as his luggage comes out] Oh, that has to be you.

Tommy Boy  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Richard:
You spray that thing for bugs?

Tommy Boy  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Tommy:
Man, did I get douched with mud!

Paul:
Hey, chucko, that doesn't smell like mud. [he begins to spray Tommy with a hose]

Tommy:
Oh, man, that's cold! [he dances and starts singing] I'm a maniac, maniac on the floor! And I'm dancin' like I've never danced before! [Paul then sprays him in the face to clean the mud off]

Paul:
Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?

Tommy:
[laughs] Why?

Tommy Boy  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[Richard tries to fix Tommy's tie, but it falls off]

Tommy:
[laughs] It's a clip.

Richard:
Ha ha, you sure? All right, now it's sale time, so remember, we don't take no--

Tommy:
No shit from anyone!

Richard:
No.

Tommy:
Um, we don't take no prisoners!

Richard:
We don't take no for answer.

Tommy:
Oh yeah.

Tommy Boy  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Tommy:
Hey, I'll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?

Mr. Brady:
[confused] What? I'm failing to make the connection here.

Tommy:
No, what I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull.

Richard:
Wow...

Mr. Brady:
Boy, I'm at a loss for words here -

Tommy:
Forget it, I quit, I can't do this any more, man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died, we just killed Bambi, I'm out here getting my ass kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel into a goddamned bridge abutment!

Richard:
[to Mr. Brady; pulls out a business card] We'll keep in touch.

Tommy Boy  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Richard:
Hey, I was just thinking. When we stopped for gas this morning I think it was you who put the oil in.

Tommy:
Hey if you're going to say I didn't put the right kind in, you're wrong. I used 10-W-30. And besides, motor oil would have nothing to do with this accident.

Richard:
True. But you can't latch the hood too well, if you don't take the can out, you no-selling waste of space! I swear to God, you're worthless!

Tommy:
I'm sorry about your car, but don't call me worthless. I'm trying my best. I'm not my dad.

Richard:
That's right, you're not your dad! He can sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves.

Tommy:
Ketchup popsicle?

Richard:
Yeah, I learned everything I know from him. I didn't have a father, but he looked out for me. But you, he was your father and you just took it for granted. "Hey, look, I'm Big Tom's son. He can fix anything, so I'm allowed to be a moron!"

Tommy:
THAT'S IT!! Come on! Get out of the car! It's go time, you and me!

Richard:
[imitating a little kid] Look, mommy, the rhino's getting too close to the car.

Tommy:
[imitating a mother] Him too afraid to get out, he just a little guy.

Richard:
That's it. I'm gonna wail on you [gets out of the car] You're going to regret volunteering for this job.

Tommy:
Hey, boys and girls, It's Papa Smurf!

Richard:
You don't want none of me, think it through.

Tommy:
Come on, Gimme your best shot. I'll give you a free one Let me have it. [Richard punches Tommy in the face] That's it? Come on. you can do better than that, can't ya, Captain Limp Wrist? Try again! [Richard punches him in the face again] Hey everybody, Is there a window open? I feel a draft! [Richard punches Tommy in the stomach, then punches him in the face again] If I wanted a kiss, I would've called your mother! [Richard then strikes Tommy in the face with a 2x4 piece of wood, which breaks in half] That was a good one. [is knocked out as he drops to the ground]

Richard:
[drops the broken 2x4 and looks up at the abandoned Prehistoric Forest] Hey, Prehistoric Forest.

Tommy Boy  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Tommy:
Hey, what's your name?

Helen:
Helen.

Tommy:
That's nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a sales man. Let's say I go into a guy's office, let's say he's even remotely interested in buying something. Well then I get all excited. I'm like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. Now the pet is my possible sale. [holds a dinner roll] Oh, my pretty little pet, I love you. And then I stroke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hehe, I love it, I love my little naughty pet, you're naughty! And then I take my naughty pet and I go [makes ripping noises as he tears apart the dinner roll] OOOOOOHHH! I killed it! I killed my sale! And that's when I blow it. That's when people like us have gotta forge ahead, Helen. Am I right?

Helen:
God, you're sick. Tell ya what, I'll go turn the fryers back on and throw on some wings for you.

Tommy:
Hey, thanks, Helen. [in a childish voice] Tommy likey. Tommy want wingy!

Richard:
[to Tommy, regarding his street-wise scenario] Did that board to the head knock something loose?

Tommy:
Why?

Richard:
That 180 you just pulled with the waitress. Why can't you sell like that?

Tommy:
I was just havin' fun.

Tommy Boy  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[Richard knocks on the door, impersonating the maid, while Tommy tries to sleep]

Richard:
Housekeeping?

Tommy:
No thank you. Sleeping.

Richard:
Housekeeping?

Tommy:
Come back in an hour.

Richard:
Housekeeping, you want towel?

Tommy:
No towels. Need sleepy.

Richard:
Housekeeping, you want mint for pillow?

Tommy:
Please go away let me sleep FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

Richard:
Housekeeping, you want me jerk you off?

Tommy:
[gets out of bed] What kinda hotel is this?... [opens the door] Oh, it's you.

Richard:
Good morning, sunshine.

Tommy Boy  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Reservationist:
Oh, I can reserve you a flight coming back from Chicago at 5:55. Does that help?

Richard:
Hi, I'm Earth. Have we met?

Reservationist:
I don't think so.

Tommy Boy  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Richard:
Mr. Callahan, I'm going to need your John Hancock on these papers.

Tommy:
John Hancock, haha. It's Herbie Hancock.

Tommy Boy  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[during an argument at MI6 headquarters]

Admiral Roebuck:
That's preposterous! We know exactly where that ship was positioned! The GPS system - Global Positioning Satellites do not lie!

M:
Yes, but our Singapore station picked up a mysterious signal - on the GPS frequency at the time of the attack. It could have sent that ship off course.

Roebuck:
I have a missing British frigate-

M:
I'm aware of that!

Roebuck:
And instead of decisive action, all you want to do is-

M:
My goal is to prevent World War III, Admiral, and I don't think sending an armada into the recovery area is the best way to do it.

Defense Minister:
Where exactly did this mysterious GPS signal come from?

M:
We're still investigating.

Roebuck:
"Investigating". With all due respect, M, sometimes I don't think you have the balls for this job!

M:
Perhaps. But the advantage is, I don't have to think with them all the time.

Defense Minister:
That's enough. Now where do we stand?

Roebuck:
It was an unprovoked attack held in international waters. We send in the fleet for recovery and prepare for full retaliation!

M:
Moderation. We investigate and stop short of sending the entire British Navy within 10 minutes of the world's largest air force.

Defense Minister:
When will our ships be in position?

Roebuck:
48 hours.

Defense Minister:
Great. The press are already screaming for blood; the last thing we want to do is escalate the situation.

James Bond:
[arrives with a copy of the Tomorrow newspaper] I'm afraid it may be too late to worry about that.

Defense Minister:
[reads the paper] "Seventeen British sailors murdered"?! "According to Vietnamese officials who recovered the bodies, the victims were riddled with the same ammunition used by the Chinese Air Force."

M:
Did you leak this?

Roebuck:
NO! This is the first I've heard of it.

Defense Minister:
Well, this settles it. We send in the fleet. M, you have 48 hours to investigate.

Tomorrow Never Dies  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

James Bond:
There is one strange thing. When I called our contact in Saigon, he said the Vietnamese only found our sailors three hours ago.

Charles Robinson:
How did they get the paper out so fast?

James Bond:
Somebody at Tomorrow knew before the Vietnamese government did.

M:
How much do you know about Elliot Carver, 007?

James Bond:
Worldwide media baron. Able to topple governments with a single broadcast. Carver owns that newspaper, Tomorrow.

M:
I didn't want to discuss this in front of the Minister, but that mysterious signal came from one of Carver's satellites. The PM would have my head if he knew we were investigating him. [hands Bond a document containing his mission] I'm sending you to Hamburg, 007. We've arranged for you to be invited tonight to a party at Carver's media centre.

Charles Robinson:
They're celebrating the launch of a new satellite, because now he has the ability to reach every human being on Earth.

M:
Except the Chinese, who've refused broadcast rights.

Moneypenny:
[rolls down her window and displays documents] James, your ticket, cover story and rental car reservation. Sign here, please.

M:
[as Bond signs one of the documents] I believe you once had a relationship with Carver's wife, Paris?

James Bond:
That was a long time ago, M. Before she was married. I didn't realise it was public knowledge.

Moneypenny:
Queen and country, James.

M:
Your job is to find out whether it was Carver or someone in his organisation who sent that ship off course and why. Use your relationship with Mrs. Carver if necessary.

James Bond:
I doubt if she'll remember me.

M:
Remind her. Then pump her for information.

Moneypenny:
You'll just have to decide how much pumping is needed, James.

James Bond:
If only that were true of you and I, Moneypenny.

Tomorrow Never Dies  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[at the launch of the CMGN satellite network]

Elliot Carver:
Anyway, there's absolutely no truth in this malicious rumour that I started running mad cow disease stories simply because Sir Angus Black, the great British beef baron, lost £10,000 to me in a game of poker and refused to pay up. Moreover, there's even less truth in the rumour I took a hundred million francs from the French to keep the stories running for another year.

Usherette:
Excuse me, Mr. Carver.

Carver:
Yes.

Usherette:
This is the new banker, Mr?

James Bond:
Bond. James Bond.

Carver:
Another new banker. I seem to collect them. Tell me, Mr. Bond how's the market reacting to the crisis?

Bond:
Well, currencies are off. Your stock is soaring.

Tomorrow Never Dies  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[Bond approaches Paris at the launch party]

James Bond:
I always wondered how I'd feel if I saw you again. [she turns around, looks at him, and slaps him] Now I know. Was it something I said?

Paris Carver:
How about the words "I'll be right back"?

Tomorrow Never Dies  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[Carver's men have caught Bond and Wai Lin in Vietnam, and brought them to Carver's tower in Saigon]

Elliot Carver:
You may have seen the General in the hallway just now but perhaps, with all your jetting around, you've not had a chance to peruse today's headlines. [He brings up several newspaper scans on the large screens covering the wall. The first, a European English-language edition of Tomorrow, Carver's newspaper, bears the headline CRISIS GROWS. Carver changes to another European English-language edition of Tomorrow, this one's headline reading CHINA WARNS OF WAR. Carver brings up a third news headline. This one, in a different font to Tomorrow, has the caption THE EMPIRE WILL STRIKE BACK, flanked by the flags of the United Kingdom and China] I rather like the last one. It isn't even mine!

James Bond:
I never believe what I read in the press anyway.

Carver:
Ha! Therein lies your problem, Mr. Bond. You see, we're both men of action, but your era and Miss Lin's is passing. Words are the new weapons, satellites the new artillery.

Bond:
And you become the new Supreme Allied Commander?

Carver:
Exactly! Caesar had his legions, Napoleon had his armies, I have my divisions. TV, news, magazines. And by midnight I'll have reached and influenced more people than anyone in the history of this planet, [points up] save God Himself. And the best He ever managed was the Sermon on the Mount.

Bond:
You really are quite insane.

Carver:
The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.

Tomorrow Never Dies  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Carver:
[explaining his plan] What you're about to witness, Miss Lin, is not so much a missile attack, but the launch of a new world order. In precisely five minutes, after your countrymen have attacked the British fleet, I shall retaliate for dear old England by sending this missile in to Beijing, where General Chang has called for an emergency meeting of the Chinese High Command. Unfortunately, General Chang will be 'delayed' in traffic, arriving just after the missile has killed your leaders, and too late to stop the air force from sinking the entire British fleet, but he will be just in time to take over the government, negotiate a truce and emerge as a world leader, with a Nobel Peace Prize.

Wai-Lin:
And what do you get?

Carver:
Me? Oh, nothing... just exclusive broadcasting rights in China for the next 100 years.

Gupta:
[entering a code and contacting Carver via his walkie-talkie] Ready to rock and ruin.

Carver:
[back to Lin] If you'll excuse me, I have something of a deadline to meet.

Tomorrow Never Dies  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Elliot Carver:
Don't you realise how absurd your position is?!

James Bond:
No more absurd than starting a war for ratings!

Carver:
Great men have always manipulated the media to save the world. Look at William Randolph Hearst, who told his photographers "You provide the pictures, I'll provide the war". I've just taken it one step further.

Bond:
[kills a henchman sneaking up on him] Sorry, I tuned out for a moment, Elliot.

Carver:
Touché.

Tomorrow Never Dies  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[Carver is gloating over a seemingly beaten Bond]

Elliot Carver:
You're too late again, Mr. Bond. It's a bad habit. There's nothing you can do. The missile is fully programmed, it can't be stopped. In a matter of minutes, my plan will succeed, and thanks largely to your efforts, the British Navy will destroy the evidence. [Bond surreptiously activates the sea-drill behind them] And I'll be out of here, in a Carver News helicopter covering the event. It's going to be a fantastic show!

James Bond:
I may have some breaking news for you, Elliot. [Carver notices the approaching drill as it breaks through a window; Bond uses the distraction to overpower him] You forgot the first rule of mass media, Elliot! Give the people what they want! [Bond leaves Carver in the drill's path]

Tomorrow Never Dies  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[as HMS Bedford searches for Bond and Wai Lin]

Wai Lin:
They're looking for us, James.

James Bond:
Let's stay under cover.

Tomorrow Never Dies  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

George:
Where do you come off sending me your roommate's play for you to star in? I'm your agent, not your mother! I'm not supposed to find plays for you to star in - I'm supposed to field offers! And that's what I do!

Michael:
'Field offers?' Who told you that, the Agent Fairy? That was a significant piece of work - I could've been terrific in that part.

George:
Michael, nobody's gonna do that play.

Michael:
Why?

George:
Because it's a downer, that's why. Because nobody wants to produce a play about a couple that moved back to Love Canal.

Michael:
But that actually happened!

George:
Who gives a shit? Nobody wants to pay twenty dollars to watch people living next to chemical waste! They can see that in New Jersey!

Tootsie  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Sandy:
Wish me luck.

Michael:
[trying to help her keep her anger for an audition] Fuck you.

Sandy:
Thanks.

Michael:
Fuck you.

Tootsie  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[Dorothy Michaels' screen test]

Rita:
I'd like to make her look a little more attractive, how far can you pull back?

Cameraman:
How do you feel about Cleveland?

Rita:
Knock it off.

Tootsie  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

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